Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Mastermind Mastery. And I'm your host, Tina Cornerstoltz. And today's episode is basically a series on moderating. So some advanced techniques when you are moderating your group, some do's and don'ts. What do you do when this happens? What do you do when that happens? And I just thought about, you know, we don't talk enough
about the skills of moderating. We talk a lot about the mechanics of running your meeting, but the skills of moderating is an entirely different subject. That, first of all, I believe takes years, years to develop advanced level skills. And I thought, you know, I'm just going to lead a couple of episodes just about things about moderating. So here we go. So in today's episode, I'm going to talk about a couple of tactics situations, and then what do you do about it when you're
moderating the meeting? And my objective is to get you really thinking about your, your own moderator skills. Where do you want to develop them, what areas? And moderating the meeting kind of trip you up that you have difficulty with. And hopefully over time of a few episodes, I will address those. However, if you want to make sure that I do address them, I encourage you to drop me a line and say, hey, can you talk about when this happens? Because I
will absolutely fit it in and do that. Let's get started. So these are random, but I'm going to start with one in particular. And I just got asked this the other day about when you're in the middle of doing what many of you may call a check in, what we describe as my transition. Some of you may just strictly call it an opening, a warm up exercise, whatever it may be. But it's when you've asked your members at the beginning of the meeting to describe,
okay, like how they're doing. So a lot of people will describe and have them say a few words. Sometimes it's a ranking, personal health and business.
There's a variety of ways to do it. But what I want to talk about today is that in that specific opening where all the members are just getting settled, you're starting your meeting, and you roll into my transition, and you have asked more specifically about one or two words that describe their mindset, or maybe just one sentence in regards to how they're doing. And it really is informational from the standpoint of just a high level. You're not asking them
to expand on it. It's very short and sweet, and it's a warm up. And the warm up as we've talked in previous episodes, has a purpose, and I'm not going to get in that today. What I'm going to get into is what to do when somebody says something and you're like, hmm, do I need to elaborate on that? Have them elaborate on it? And if so, when do I do that? That's what we're going to talk about. So when do you stop and ask for the member to get more specific? And do you do
it? Do you not do it? And particularly we're going to talk about what if it's positive or what if it is a more kind of challenging type of statement. So let's just start with if it is a positive statement, where I'm going to use the example, if you're going around, you're asking some, your members to give one or two words about their mindset, and someone says, opportunistic, unbelievable. That they bring out these really, you know, impactful, tremendous words
that are not the run of the mill. And you know that there's more behind it because you can see it in their eyes, the tone of voice about how lack of a word excited they are. So you have when there's positive. Now, let me flip it to what do you do that if the opposite occurs and someone is saying words that are at the other end of the spectrum? Like, I'm stressed, I'm befuddled. I love that word. I've heard that one of our licensed partners multiple times, and I'm like, you just
don't hear it that often. And so it's very specific. Right. You might hear defeated. So especially if you have not heard members, a specific member talk about those words before, then you know something is outside the normal box. So you've got one end of the spectrum is positive. One in the spectrum is more challenging. So here you are in the middle of having your members go around and speak as a moderator. As a moderator skill. Do you,
you have three ways to handle this. Number one, do you ignore and move on because you're managing time in the meeting? And do you have time for everybody to explain why it is that they've said the word they have said? So that's, number one, ignore. Number two, you can stop and have everybody elaborate on their words, or one individual, or three, you can wait and elaborate later.
Okay. So you have ignore. You either stop right then and there, have a lab have them elaborate, or you wait until everybody is gone and then you come back many times. As a moderator, you might want to change up your meetings and have each member when they say what they have said, to just elaborate with one or two sentences and that's it. Not a paragraph, not a whole story or dissertation, but one or two words. So if somebody says opportunistic, you might ask all your members to say whatever it
is that you are saying as your word. I want you to do one or two sentence. So if I did opportunistic, I might say because three new great right fit deals have come in for us to bid on. So that is a short and sweet. While my mindset is opportunistic, if befuddled is my word, I might elaborate by saying there are some situations within the company in the last week that I am really befuddled because I've never happened before. They seem related and I just feel like
something's not right. So befuddle. Okay, that could be then an option where when everybody elaborates on their word because you chose to have them do that up front. Okay, you can do that as a change of pace. You can make it a normal situation as far as how you minor part of your structure of the meeting and you can do it that way. But I know most of you, I believe, don't you just ask for those words? And therefore,
what do you do about elaborating? The key is you can ignore it if it's just right. Not going to gain a whole lot about stopping and having somebody elaborate. So when you believe it's the opposite, which is what this whole conversation is about today, is how do you know when to stop and how do you know when to wait. And so here are a few things to
consider. You're going to stop right then and there. If you believe that the member is extremely distracted and they need to elaborate because you can tell it is deeply bothering them or they're just overjoy and that's distracting to the group. And you know that if you just glance over it, pass over it, everybody is going to stay fixated on it. And you really can't keep everybody's attention span until you
actually have that member say more. Okay. So you have to be in tune with the reaction that it has on the entire group to know that you need to stop right then and there. So, example, some of you have may have heard this before, but an extreme example that was accurate is one time I had a member start out with saying that they were devastated and this was extremely unusual for that member. They rarely were dramatic, lack of a
better word. And the majority of the time they were positive and uplifting and optimistic, et cetera so I knew right then there I had to stop because when they said devastating, I could tell with all the rest of the members in the group that they were like, and they wanted to know why. And I knew I had
to stop and said, please elaborate. So one big sign is when the rest of the members, you can tell are on the edge of their seat and they want to know more, then you need to stop out of respect that they are truly interested and then also for learning. But you're doing it so that you can move on and people don't stay fixated on it. I hope that that makes sense. Number two, how do you know to stop when it is so extreme? You actually have to know more
because it's extreme. And not only is everybody distracted, but you can tell that that member needs to say more. And if you wait, which was another option for them to elaborate, then what happens is it causes everybody's mindset to go back and forth. So the member that said, I am, you know, let's just say devastated. It's hard that if I'm a member and I'm going to go and say something for me to follow up with, what if I'm next to say that things are great because this member over here, one of
my peers, just said, devastated. And I think that's where we need to focus. They may need us now, and I don't think the focus should be on me because life is great. So it helps in regards to compassion, sympathy, or empathy, depending. And it shows that you're listening, but you're listening both with your eyes and your ears. You need to stop. Okay. Part of stopping as a positive in your moderating process is that, you know, you only have kind of so
much time. And the goal is that, all right, I'm going to stop. At this moment. It seems significant. It seems like, you know, for the reason that we even have this, my transition, get everybody focused in the meeting, that I need this member to elaborate briefly so that we can move on as it should be. But you know, about then how much time you have left or what you need to do by having that member address it right then and there. And so what do I mean by that?
Devastated. Let's go back to that. The member says, I'm devastated. And maybe it turns out that they were embezzled. That's significant. Maybe that's not what they were going to bring up as their coping, their challenge, their opportunity, their problem or idea because they're embarrassed and they're not ready to talk about it. But it's important that the group knows where their mindset and that headset is of the member during the meeting, understandably so. The member says, I've
been embezzled. I don't have details. I'm not ready to talk about it. I am just beside myself. I don't know what it means to the company, et cetera. So that can be the moment that that member needs the support of the group and the support they can give that member. So it can be detrimental to them feeling like the people around them and they do have the support, even though it means they don't
have to talk about it. If you were to have waited until everybody else had gone, or lack of a better word, just skipped over it when you would never know that, you wouldn't know that the member needs something. So you got to read their signs, right? Read the signs. So many of you may know, and I think most of you do not know. I am a bachelor and bachelorette. That fan, I love that show. It is my indulgence in regards to tv.
I find it fascinating, and I think I do because of the, of the human nature of it all. And one of the interesting parts behind the bachelor or the bachelorette, there's always drama, right? There's just always drama. Well, in this particular season, it's the bachelorette that's on right now, and she's getting ready to do this activity with her, you know, one of the men that are there to court her. And the activity includes, like, heights, and she's afraid of heights, and so she's
out there. They're on the edge of this ledge, and he's not being really supportive. He's not reading her. And she keeps saying over and over, he's not reading me, he's not reading me. He's not getting that I don't want to do this. And I, and because he didn't read her and he just kept pushing her to, she went into tears, and then he became sympathetic. So it had to get to that level because he wasn't reading the situation. So as a moderator, you
have to read the situation. You have to read when your member needs a moment to explain why they've said what they've said, because it is so dramatic to them. That's when you stop and you ask them to elaborate. Okay, so in moderating, don't get in a habit if you're just showing up and you're going to go through the actions of moderating to the agenda. A true advanced moderator moderates to the moment in the room that is unplanned and current. You can never plan your
moderating to the true extent. You can plan your agenda, but you cannot plan how you moderate through it because you have to consistently and constantly read the room of your members and what their needs are. And that's what we're talking about here. It is a hard job. You should be exhausted at the end of a meeting when you're moderating, because if you're doing it right, you will be exhausted mentally if you still have a bunch of energy and you're like, woohoo, whatever. I,
I guarantee you did not moderate. Well, you facilitated a meeting, but you did not moderate. So I'm going to ask you to do self reflection on that because truly moderating is hard, hard work and it's being aware of your members needs, everyone in the room at the same time as every statement is made. So here you have a chance on the front end that if you have to stop and get more, you at least then can plan the rest of the meeting. Because what if it is
something that needs to be discussed? So for real, not that long ago had a member said they were embezzled, they didn't have the details and whatever. But you know what? That was something that needed to be put on the table and talked about and kind of semi processed like a copy because the member needed to kind of get an idea of, well, what do I do next? What do I need to do next? How do I manage my emotions? How do I manage the team? How do I manage my ill feelings against this particular
team member that embezzled? I'm in business with my brother. I have to manage that dynamic. All of this, my accountant, the whole nine yards. So it actually something they weren't wanting and didn't feel like they needed to talk about, they actually did. And that is because the moderator stopped and had them elaborate. It made all the difference in the world for that member and something extremely important to the health of the business
and themselves personally. A world of difference and bonding with the rest of the group because everybody stepped up. They really, really wanted to help that member. They felt terrible. They wanted to be supportive. And it wasn't just supportive on that one day. It was supportive every single week thereafter until the next meeting. And that brings your groups together in ways you can't manufacture. It's not like you created a
bonding exercise. So again, in moderating, you have to look for those opportunities to capture those moments that actually escalate your group through the vulnerability stage. So that is why and what to look for. That when in the very beginning of the meeting that you feel like you got to get through this part quickly, is there are times when you should not get through that part quickly and really listen and observe when you need to stop and have somebody elaborate on something and
discern if it's right then, or if you get through everyone. And then you go back and say, for example, Sally, I heard you say that you were excited. Can you just elaborate a little bit? Like, why? Why were, what's, what's causing that excitement? So your takeaways today are literally, I hope, in moderating, really paying attention to when you need to stop and pivot and have a members just dive a little bit more deeper into why they're saying what they're saying. And that moderating isn't about
facilitating a meeting. It's its own skill set that requires more than facilitation. So with today's episode, I hope that helps. We're going to talk a lot more about moderating. And because the number one reason a member leaves is usually because you're not moderating well, because they're frustrated, because you might have skipped over them when they needed to talk and they didn't feel like they could interrupt and have that opportunity, they might be
frustrated because somebody else needed to. They might be frustrated because of this, because of that. Because you're not moderating, you're not taking control silently of a value packed meeting. All right, until next week's episode, thank you for today being here and listening and for your own development, your personal development, and being the best that you can be. And drop me a note if there's any topic you would love for me to talk about or get a guest to talk about,
because I'll be on it. And we will do that because I'm sure if you have that question, so many others do. So until next week, go make it happen.