Welcome to Manifest the Big Stuff, your weekly intentional manifesting check-in, where I share cutting-edge tips and techniques so you can better use new paradigms from quantum physics to manifest your greatest desires.
Today, we're taking on a hugely important topic to many: how to stop caring so much about what other people think of you. Right off the bat, you're going to be surprised by the counterintuitive truth about how to best do that.
I'm also going to specifically clarify the difference between healthy vs unhealthy versions of not caring about what people think of you. And you won't want to miss my reveal of a key foundation which keeps you so satisfied with your own efforts that you worry much less about what others think of you than you might have imagined possible.
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I'm Greg Kuhn, the Law of Attraction Science Guy, author of the life-changing, “Why Quantum Physicists” book series, and your host. I'm pumped about today's episode, let's not wait a moment longer to dive in.
Caring too much about what other people think of you affects a lot of people.
There is a certain anxiety that caring too much about others' opinions of you elicits. An anxiety that can freeze you in your tracks, debilitate you, cause you to unnecessarily doubt yourself, and even shut you down.
Today, I'm going to begin discussing how to not care about others' opinions of you by revealing something that might surprise you, but please hear me out.
One of the best ways to stop caring what other people think of you is to care more about what other people think of you.
I know that sounds weird, but here's what I mean. If you want to care less about some people's opinions of you, become more intentional about whose opinions you're caring about, and then double down on how much you care about those people's opinions.
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Focus in on who is important enough to you that you will care about what they think of you. Who is knowledgeable enough for this status in your life? Who is trustworthy enough, who has the experience, and who has the authority?
You can call these people your circle of trust. And then these people who you have deemed worthy, satisfy them.
Make sure you understand their expectations of you and do your best to meet them. Care deeply about what these folks think of you.
When you do this, and others who aren't in your circle of trust are displeased with you, you will care less about those opinions. Sometimes you won't care at all about their opinions, because those will be the opinions of people who you have deemed not important enough.
Intentionally caring more about the opinions of those who deserve your trust naturally emphasizes the unimportance of the opinions of those who don't.
Let's explore this concept more thoroughly.
Of course you care about what others think of you. That's important, and it should be. Other people, places, and things, after all, manifest 25% of you. As I discussed in an earlier episode of Manifest the Big Stuff called, “Use Yourself Properly” you are a corporation, a collective with the authority to act as a single entity.
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You, the corporation, are formed by four things. One, your self, or what some people call a soul. Your self is not found in your body or your brain.
Rather, your self is the nonphysical thinker and decider of you.
Two, your physical body, including your brain. All the physical body parts and systems which make you a time-space event.
Three, your reality and your constant interaction with it. Manifest in partnership with the quantum field, your reality helps define your opportunities, challenges, efficacy and value.
And four, you, the corporation, are also formed by other people, places, and things.
The feedback from other people, places and things helps form your value, both perceived and actual. And your value defines how others will invest in you, help you, and work with you, or not.
So others' evaluation of you is critical.
Your value, perceived and actual, is a tremendously important factor in how or whether or not others will invest in you, help you, pay you, work with you. But you only need to care about what others think of you in a healthy way.
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A healthy way of caring is one that actually assists your best efforts to intentionally manifest a version of reality that is more aligned to your preferences. We'll discuss what it looks like to care about what others think of you in a healthy way momentarily. But first, what's an unhealthy way to care about this? There are three telltale signs of an unhealthy level of caring about what others think of you. First, your feelings will tell you that you're caring about what others think of you in an unhealthy way, especially when you are angry about their opinions of you when you become defensive. Second, your actions will tell you hiding or being evasive about what you're doing because you don't want them to know is a telltale sign. And third, your focus will tell you when you play someone's critical opinions of you over and over in your mind when you're unable to let go of someone's opinions of you. In practice, unhealthy levels of caring about others'opinions of you plays out as saying you don't care, but still caring as evidenced by your feelings, your actions and your focus. It often plays out as conversations with that person in your head where you defend yourself and argue against their opinions or criticisms of you. Unhealthy levels of caring also play out as doing things you know others wouldn't approve of, but doing them anyway, and telling yourself you won't care, even though historically you have usually wound up caring. A hallmark of this is talking yourself into something and then beating yourself up afterwards for doing it. And perhaps the most unhealthy is hiding what you're doing from others because you know or imagine that they won't approve of what you're doing. We've all done these things. We've all cared about what others thought of us in an unhealthy way. So let's discuss what a healthy way of caring about what others think of you looks like. It is healthy, and you should do what you can to influence others opinions of you. Give your best effort always to follow quality hypotheses or plans to manifest the reality you truly desire. Be intentional about selecting people whose opinions you value enough to satisfy. And, as appropriate, make sure all of those parties understand your goals, your game plan or hypothesis, and the expectations surrounding your efforts. As appropriate, be completely transparent. As appropriate, provide selfaccountability, and by as appropriate, I mean commensurate with the importance, trustworthiness, and authority of the other people. The clearer you are about those things, the better. The more open and thorough, the better. A basic rule of thumb here is keep going until you've created a positive checkmate for yourself. A positive checkmate occurs when it's nearly impossible for you to hide whether or not you're doing what you say. What do you do when others are unhappy with you? When the value they are assigning you is lower than you want or need it to be? And when you are hearing about this from these people directly, even when someone isn't in your circle of trust, give yourself the following litmus test under those circumstances, ask yourself, would what I'm doing here satisfy me? Where the roles reversed? Keep your answers private so that you have cart blanche to answer them bluntly and honestly. If your answer is yes, what I'm doing here would truly satisfy me. You're probably doing all you can. Just stay open to learning that you might need to step up in regards to what it should take to satisfy yourself, because you might just be selling yourself short in this area of your life. If your answer, however, is no, I wouldn't be satisfied with the roles reversed. Simply do what is necessary so that you would be satisfied. An incredibly effective way to put this into action is to use a technique I call satisfy your critics, a technique I've talked about quite a bit on manifest the big stuff to satisfy your critics. First, make sure you are 100% clear on your critics expectations and how you should be meeting them. Then, if their expectations are legal, ethical, moral, and reasonable, fulfill them. Make sure you are transparent with your critic and with third parties, as appropriate, transparent about the expectations you will be fulfilling and how you will fulfill them. That way, everyone will see when you do fulfill them, and this will either satisfy your critic or it will expose your critic's hidden agenda, revealing that their criticism of you was fraudulent. Also important, when others opinions of you are displeasing or upsetting, always ensure your best effort is being given. Once again, keep your answers private so that you can be as blunt and honest with yourself as possible. Review your form. Are the best practices you're following truly the best available? The most helpful? Seek out new sources of best practices to amend what you're doing as needed. Examine your hypotheses. Are you supporting those best practices? Holistically? What else can you do to support your best efforts to follow form? And above all, when another's opinion of you is troubling, remember yourself is the thinker and decider of you. Thus, you should be receiving any criticisms. If a criticism is being made to you directly from the critic, you can authentically rejoice, because that means you're still part of the solution. What if someone's upsetting opinion of you isn't delivered to you directly? However, what if a criticism is coming to you? Secondhand, as long as that information isn't a warning of impending or imminent danger, you can usually give yourself permission to ignore it as an actionable item. Why? Because a messenger has always altered the information. Even if not intentionally, a messenger can't help but alter the information because of their own filters and their perceptions of you. So when you get criticism secondhand, always tell the messenger, Please do me a favor. The next time you hear something like this from someone, please tell that person to come speak to me directly about it. I really want to hear it from them. Do this every time you receive secondhand criticism. Either the critic will come talk to you themselves, or that messenger will stop relaying criticism to you. Both are great outcomes for you. As an intentional manifesto, the first outcome allows you to learn and adjust if appropriate and necessary. The second outcome means the criticism wasn't important enough for the critic to follow through, and you can ignore it and let it go. Since yourself is the CEO of you, you can also take advantage of a core principle of being a CEO, a principle that massively assists you in caring much less about what others think of you. A CEO is judged on their results, on how effective their leadership is upon the corporation's bottom line. And as CEO, you too are being judged on your results. You can't stop that from happening, nor would you want to. So be clear and transparent about your vision for you and the reality you desire to manifest, about your plans to manifest that vision, and about the ways you are enacting those plans. But although you're being judged by others on your results, don't judge yourself on the outcomes of your actions. Instead, when your reality is painful or displeasing, use the material reality you manifest in collaboration with the quantum field and the feelings that reality authentically elicits. Not to judge yourself, but for one thing only. Use your results to inform and revise your vision, plans, and actions as needed. Use your results to improve your hypotheses for manifesting the versions of reality you desire. Sometimes you'll find you need to replace a part of your vision, plans or actions with something that suits you better. Sometimes you'll find you need a more qualified or trustworthy person in your circle of trust. Often you need to provide more clarity, transparency and leadership. Ensure you learn by stepping up and being crystal clear about your vision, plan, actions, the help you need, and how you're counting on others to provide that help. Say what you're going to do and do what you say. Build accountability as appropriate for those helping you and build accountability for yourself. Do this and unpleasant versions of reality, including others troubling opinions of you become learning tools and stepping stones. And now, my quantum tip a brief, powerful takeaway that you can employ right now to more intentionally manifest your reality. Many parts of reality are fun, rewarding, enriching, fulfilling and joyful. Parties, money, vacations and accomplishments are all examples of special things and experiences. Yet, even with something you might consider objectively special or special to anyone, the specialness of your reality is 100% inside you. A special thing or experience is not conferring fun and joy upon you. You are the source. A great example of this is the Christmas Holiday. If you believe American culture and advertising, then you believe Christmas is objectively fun and joyful for everyone. For children, it might be the absolute ultimate for fun and joy. But for an adult missing departed loved ones, Christmas can be a sad and stressful experience. When something is fun and joyful, it is simply reflecting what's inside you, reflecting your beliefs. You are the source of special things and experiences, a source to nurture and tend to. Thank you for spending some of your valuable time with me today. If you enjoyed this episode, please tell a friend about manifest the big stuff to say. Thank you for doing that. I have a free book for you on my website called How Reversing Seven Words Can Change Your Life. This book will kickstart your intentional manifesting because it comes directly from the foundation of my manifesting lifestyle. Go to my website yquantumphysicists.com to download it and while you're there, why not ask me a question or simply say hello, use my contact form, or leave me a voicemail by clicking on the microphone in the little blue circle at the bottom right corner of my site. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be of value to you today. I look forward to having more opportunities to be of value to you again real soon.