The Black Family

I'm going to conclude this week and I have interview Timothy Fields and Sharne Brown, who authored the Black Families God to college admissions, a conversation about education, parenting and race. I've done a book review on that book where I had the pleasure of speaking with both of them and they are going to bring to us the inside background on the book the Black Family Guy to college admissions. So that's gonna be featured on this episode, which is

episode forty one. Chalking alonge. I'll be at fifty soon. Also on this episode, I was at the bobby shop getting my hair cut and we got to talking about some things that in the in the community and stuff that stem from television and issues that a lot of men talk about when they're sitting in the barber chair. So I thought it would just be freshening to record and they both agreed and we just, you know, continue our organic, robust conversation. So I'm gonna have to bring

that conversation to you over a series of weeks. Uh, this is the day. Is gonna be this episode. Is gonna be part one of the barber shop talks and we're gonna be discussing reality TV and the things that takes place that are unrealistic on reality TV and black woman. So we're gonna be discussing that first part on this episode.

And the other thing that I'm gonna be discussing on this episode is a conversation I had with will Jewando, who's authored a new book called my seven Black Fathers, a young activist memoir of race, family and the mentors who made him hope. So we did an in person conversation book signing event at an off site location. It was wonderful, had a great turn out. I got a chance to talk to him for my podcast for a few minutes and he's gonna Touch on Um, some meeting

potatoes about this book. So this episode enjoy, enjoy is episode forty one. All right, you can begin talk about that reality TV. Brother, women, they on screen in the real, the reality that the reality team all this need this realness. Man, I'm trying to keep out two strong black men. Talk to me, brother, come on back, come on, they're gonna keep the real today, but we're gonna keep it. We're

gonna keep the names in private. They see them, the people in them five star restaurants like throwing them chairs and tables and bottles across the table, thinking and they that's real. You don't think they're gonna go to jail immediately if that was real life, real talks right. You got all the white folks sitting there and you're just gonna fight. You'RE gonna throw a bottle of wine across the whole room, dressing up fine, and you do on bottles.

You'RE gonna run outside, run back in with something and nobody's gonna take you to jail. Everybody's gonna sit there and they literally think that's reality. They think it's real. You gotta look at the ones who are controlled in the TV show to wonder why these TV shows are being put out the way they're being put out because these TV shows, that these housewide, the real housewide, Orange County, housewide,

south central housewide, McDonald housewives, you name them. All these shows are geared to destroy the black family, because what it does it puts the woman in a position of thing that she's more above her man. That's why you see these women he shows going off screaming after like a fool. They're nowhere in their character as a woman, meaning in their character, meaning the nature in which a lot has created them. All that loud talking, cursing each

other out, trying to be the boss. Woman did the boss, did the boss that? You know what I'm saying? Over talking their man, sticking their chest out on their man, you said, you don't say, fighting with the other sisters, calling each other bitches and horns and all these names. And next you notice this mentality become the way of the way of life on the streets. So when you look at the majority of women today, they washed this stuff so much that now this reality TV have become

their actual life. This is how they live. You look at the way they dressed. They dressed like those women. They made they they they stole the hear like they women. They walk around looking like modern day prostitutes with these tight, tight clothes on, they booze, all exposed. You know what I'm saying? Back in the seventies and the eighties, those the women you saw walking on figure or in the

sunset boulevard. Now Shayton has made that way of dress fashion and he made that way of acting after standard for all women to act. And since they discussed so much of it about you, brother, you he touched on the way they women dressed. What about you? Do you feel share the same you know, thought that a woman walking around with, I guess, selacious outfits on or more revealing outfits on? Is that acceptable to you or do you have an issue with it? or It's not acceptable

to me? But you know, at the same time they've been talked to. It's a majority thing now, so now it's it's, it's it's it's acceptable to be that way. It's acceptable to say F that nigger's acceptable to say take his money girl. You know what I mean, because at the end of the day they all in unison, you know, like he said, take the man, the man out of his role. You put the woman there. And

who's gonna win there? Because you've got a bunch of dudes around here that's just willing to bend over backwards for any woman they see like here. Yeah, just let her have it, bro It's it's all good. We we ain't got no we ain't got nothing to say, when in reality, you do. You gotta right to say whatever you need to say. We had the bobby shop. We're getting this bobby shop talk going on, but they didn't took every right from you, you know what I mean.

And now we're so scared to be men because she have the men want to be women nowadays, anyway, any part of this is like it's not even now. I think they've taken away the rights. We worship money and materialism so much we will turn our backs on our God given right to chase that money, to live that lifestyle. That Satan said, if you live like this, you'll be recognized, you'll be honored in society. Go Out in society and wear hardy, no clothes at all. See the decent woman

covers herself. See It's like you're walking down the street. You AIN'T gonna walk down the street but five thousand dollar cash in your hand because you know so what's your thought. When you see a woman walking down the street, fashionable but yet somewhat revealing, how do you react? How do you respond? She's trying to catch somebody. She's trying, she's trying to use her body as a way to catch somebody. Did she catch you? Did you double take? Oh yeah, the double tape made a love made that

woman body so so curried up. Can't help ut. They know that's their weapon. They don't show the mind, they don't show the mind. They showing them behind. But they don't show the mind, but they showed the behind. She fin they know. They know. We men, we're not on the high spiritual level. We still worship for lowerselves. Any woman that made the man put the Bible down. Any woman have made the man put the Bible Down Because her beauty. Because of her beauty, not necessarily her brains,

although it would be a combination of both. But many women have caused many man to bring ranks from their faith that ship. Hey, they have brought down the strongness of men. You know the story of Samson and a lot of his a strong, goly man. Hell, she brought them down. The Black Families, God to college, a missions. I mean it speaks for itself and I think that your on point because that subtitle a conversation about education,

parenting and race, you know. So I'm happy that you here at my leaks, but I want to talk to you about your book. And Uh, we have timothy fields here and Sharne Brown. Right, okay, okay, and so welcome, welcome, welcome, and I just want you to tell my audience should I get a book with you, but now that I got you here, it's easier for you to tell my audience about your book than me because you wrote it. Let me start with you, Timothy. Yeah, so thanks for

having us. Um. You know, I think one of the big reasons we wrote the book was just to put information out there. You know, we found in our experience in over twenty five years work in this field, there's an information gap that just black families have as far as information that's available to them. And actually an article kind of, you know, drove this. So you know about a third of black students get information from their families, as opposed to two thirds of white students and other races.

So we just said there was no information and then obviously there was no admission book. That's particularly talked to black people and we really wanted to think about the decisions that, you know, black people have to make as they go through this process. And both of us, our parents, like I live it. I got twins at the nine years old. Like where are they going to school? You know, you know what, what is the diversity in their school?

You know what is their day to day experience going to be, and having to balance that out and like what tradeoffs do we have? So I think those were the things that were important to me. And then I'm a graduate of more house, so really kind of putting HBC u s at the forefront and having more people consider them was also something important we wanted to get out for one of the the more house man I'll pay you. I'll pay you back on that and say that. I think the main thing for me was attempts at the

information guy. I kind of felt like black families, uh, don't always approach this process to college and mission probable with the sense of urgency and I really wanted that to hit home. And looks it's a two way street. The college has warned you, but you gotta want them and it has to be some kind of reciprocity in

terms of communication. But there's also this third piece of the Post, which is the institution you attend at, the school, the High School, the secondary school, and I have felt very, very frustrated throughout my twenty five years in this industry, profession, whatever you wanna call it, about the school counselor college counselor advice that goes to black families and a lot of black Thames attempt says, make cultural sacrifices, moving their

kids to predominant white suburbs or dominant white schools in the search for a better, quote unquote, education and in that the end goal of getting to a good school, Great College. Sometimes I think somebody drops the ball, and I want to put all the blame on the college counselor's. No, you want to put all the blame on the families.

I do not. What I want to make sure people know is that we, as black people, cannot tolerate college counselors under Maatching, is what we call it, where they see a kid with tremendous potential and sometimes recommend, in my opinion, subpar school. Those kids aren't the schools that

aren't gonna help them to maximize that. A lot of school counselors are not black people or black, you know, uh people, and they don't know enough about hbcus and that's something that even though I went to a P W Y, my son Goles to P W I'm oldest daughter into HBCU. Black people need to know about both. We need to make sure we understand the choices. So

that's really why we wrote. But we want to make sure that black families understood how the convenience process works, understand that their ex factors involved, given the fact that they're black and depending on what what their socio economic status may be. And the real context of the book was helping us to better understand Um our importance and our ability to navigate this process successfully if we approach it

with a sense of urgency. there. Is there an advantage or disadvantage, or if there start contrast between going to Hbcu or black college versus a predominant White School? No, and I think that's one of the major takeaways we want people to understand. Is We talk about we call it redefining success, and so when you think about successful black people, you got Barack Obama and you have Michelle Obama.

They went to Ivy League schools. But you also have Oprah Winfrey, you have you know, Um, you know Vice President Kamala Harris, and then there are, you know, lots of other successful black people went to HBC u S. and so in the back of our book we have a table that has almost a hundred black individuals in which, you know, we want to highlight that, you know, about

fifty fifty. Some of them went to P W I, some of them went to HBC u. So there's not one path for success and we want people to understand that. So you know who was one of the richest black people in the world? OPRA Winfrey. She went to Tennessee state. But who was, you know what people arguably the most powerful black men in the world? You know, Barack Obama.

He started Occidental transferred, you know, to Colombia. So we want people to really understand those, those options that they have and just to say oh, because somebody goes to a P W I, that doesn't guarantee this some success. But if somebody goes to HBCU, that doesn't say that they're not preparing themselves for the real world. Going to an Hbcu doesn't guarantee success either. You gotta do it right for your kid or the parents I do, and

and encourage their kids to explore all the options. You know, I'm going to give a shout out to, you know, the in L A to endeavor with a big you know, sports marketing, you know, acting agency out here. Their CE, their chief operating officer, went to Wesleyan University, you know. I mean that's the P W Y, small over large school. So there are but then again there's the gentleman who's to manage beyonce, Steve Pa Dia, who went to more house.

So there's like Sim said, success is defined a lot of different ways and I want to make sure that families understand that, students understand that, parents understand that at the same time, approach this process with an open mind. Don't be so narrowly focused on what the rest of

the world tells you. I mean, Tim rights are really good, uh, chapter about perception and reality and understanding that just because one was good for one person doesn't mean it's necessarily good for you and you have to as to be a very personal process. One more question from more audience. Um, because one of the things that I talked to Timothy earlier was about the fact that people pay a lot of money to go to these schools and get educated, whether they have a b a or BS degree. So

what advice would you give parents? Because you know, if you know major in soak sociology and psychology or some of these majors, sometimes you know they can't get a job when they graduate. That that's a big soapbox from me. where I really want families to Um prioritize when they're looking for colleges? First to cost. Money Matters. We live in America, so cost, then location. How far it's gonna be from your kid? Um, you said you went from Washington, D C OUT TO L a. You Ain't been back.

So so recognize that once your kid leaves home at eighteen, they may find another life somewhere else. So cost, location, and then the possible major in the possible career. College is a four year, ideally four year experience that's gonna go by fast. So if you don't go in there with a plan, I and you set yourself up to be confused and kind of sample a buffet too much and not really stick to you know, meet and potatoes, state pizza. Just one thing and again. I major in English.

Of A mass in English. I have a master, excuse me, a double major in African American Studies. However, I do think that students who do predominantly non pre professional majors are setting themselves up to having more challenging time professionally, and I just want them to be aware of this so they can navigate it appropriately, because some of our white counterparts real talk. Who can major in French and philosophy then go work for their daddies or their Mama's,

you know, ex friends, boyfriend like theirs. Their nepotism is real and if you don't have that in place, what I'm saying is liberal arts as a luxury is not that is wrong. But at the end game, where are you going to work? Are you gonna Start Your own business at twenty two years old? I don't know, but don't get caught up and then going to college. It's gonna make me rich one day. There's gotta be returned

on investment. Of Philosophy. is where a lot of people think that because they get a degree, that they're gonna have a job the minute they walk out, only to find out later on that they unemployed working in the different fields for thirty years or degree. You know that? On facebook one day somebody said Tell Sally May I don't want you know, I don't want to degree no more. You can take it back. How about that? Take it back, you get my money back. So again, I think it's

just cost. Location, major career is honestly a big piece of pust. So we put this book together I wanted to talk to black families about the process, about the options they have and about the importance of really understanding that, Um, they have more than one option. They don't listen to

one person. Yes, yes, any final thoughts? Yeah, you know, one thing on this cost thing that I you know, try and you know, tell families is a lot a lot of families don't talk about money early enough and they push are putting together a college list and, you know, just say you just go apply where you get it, and they don't have like, you know, how much is it gonna cost? You know, do we have the resource? Over they're really having, you know, conversation with their children

about what are the finances of the house? And then when you get to college, you know, I tell family, I tell families loan isn't a bad four little word if it's done responsibly. So yeah, you know, we don't want parents to take out plus loans and you go in debt as our as parents. I think if students take out a loan, it needs to be on them, but it needs to be done in a responsible way,

because I look at as an investment in yourself. If you have a dream school that you want to go to and maybe you need to take out, you know, a couple of thousand dollars loans to make that happen, I think you should do that because if you know, if somebody comes out of, you know, college with fifty dollars in debt, that's an investment in yourself because the lifetime earnings you're gonna make from that are gonna pay off.

So just having those real candid conversations about money early on in the process and not just, you know, wait until a student gets in and then have it, because those are in a lot of challenges coming families. Absolutely when you heard it firsthand right here at maleague books with the two authors who wrote the book, the Black Family Guy to college admissions. Thank you, Timothy, thank you, free He. Thank you for having us. We're really excited

about you having to said thank you so much. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. You know how Malik Dot any time I see author. But he's more than an author. This brother is a congressman, I believe, counselman. Okay, let me get it right. Maybe right, but he's the author of my seven black fathers. His name is will Jewando. Did I get that right with my brother? Okay, we gotta Bell Popping here, so you're right. Maybe these sethers dinner, sir. So my brother back to you after the proper introduction.

But your subtitle was called a young activist, Menoir, race, family and the mentors who made him old. Talk about your book, Talk About these people is important to you to help mentor you and guide you. Yeah, well, one, thank you for what you're doing to get a lot of good books out in the world. Um, my seven black fathers is really a love letter to black men

and boys. It's uh, it's my personal story, but told through the lens of these seven black men and others who literally saved my life by stepping in when I needed guidance, when I needed love, when I needed someone to help me steer in the right direction. UH, in the absence of my biological father, early on, and it really is also a effort to kind of push back against the stereotype of the absent black father and all the things they say about us. This is happening in relation.

These relationships are happening in communities across the country every day. My story is not unique in that regard, but I think we don't necessarily understand the power of them when we engage with each other as as brothers in particular. Well, you know, it reminds me of some one there and did that I consider a mentor. He was like a father to me when I came out here to California, went to USC he was I don't have family. I'm

from where you at. I'm from D C, born and raised, went that, went to coill high school, boxing from you, from Prince George's county, man, man, that's crazy. I grew up in Silver Spring, Langley, Park Man, right down the road,

right down the road. So when I didn't I came out here in the eighties, I didn't have nobody, but David Henderson picked me up from the airport to toward me around, you know, L A, and then, as a result, um, I made my decision to come west and he was in my life every since and you know, it was like a mentor to me without him guiding me. You know, I had no mother, nor father, nobody out here, so I could relate. I could relate. Hey, the people came

out for you tonight. That's a good thing. You got something to say, because my seven black father each one sculped at you a little differently. Can you talk about that? Yeah, you know, one of the things here is that they're all different men. You know my fourth grade math teacher, Mr Williams. I meet him, I only know him nine months. Don't even know his first name. He was talking about him thirty years later, all the way to Barack Obama.

I meet him when I'm in my twenties working in D C on Capitol Hill, and he really helps me in my development as a husband and a father. So all these men were very different, knowing for different amounts of time. They gave me different things, but the point is is that what they gave me was invaluable and powerful and if we engage with each other, we can literally save each other's lives. Oh, man, speak on that. Still shopping, still like men shopping. Min You just told

me you had Barack Obama as a mentor. You'RE gonna have to go a little deeper than that, my brother, come on, get it. Yeah, I mean. So I meet him when I'm working on Capitol Hill and he I don't know him at first, but over time I start to get to know him as a staffer in his office.

I get married to my wife, Michelle Sixteen years we have our first two children while I'm working in the White House and he gives me really practical advice like look, uh, when you when you have a child, that changes your relationship.

You'RE gonna have to be more sensitive, pick up some other duties, you know, like he's real practical, not separate and apart from just him being an example, right, because a big part of mentorship is an example, like you can see people from afar, see what they're doing and try to model that. But then he engaged with me in a practical way about how to actually navigate being a young husband and father and working in a crazy environment and politics. So that's and we play some basketball

along the way, but you gotta read the book for that. Okay, okay, Hey, hey, brother, you gave me some live information for my own ears on relief. I appreciate it. Thank you. Read the book my seven fathers. Thanks for listening to Melik's bookshelf, where topics on the shelf our books, culture and community. Be Sure to subscribe and leave me a review. Check out my instagram at Meliak books. See you next time.