Omarion, Kevin and Melissa Fredericks

Malik's Books. That's right. We started the week off with a mari Jan that's right, A k a oh in the house at Malik Books and listen. And when I got you at Malik Books, you know I got to interview for Melik's Books. Shew. So you know I'm gonna bring you that interview on this episode. Man, I think this is episode faulty on top of that, so hey, um this episode forty. I'm excited because I got some interviews I've done with on Marion where we had him

come to the store. We broke out, you know, hundreds and hundreds of books that were pre sold and we had to you know, get him signed because he's a signed exclusive autograph copies that are pre sold and brought at Milik books dot com. So Marian came to the house, came to Mileek Books, and you know we had take pictures, crack some jokes interviewing for the podcast, and he just had a wonderful spirit. You know, his book is called Unbothered,

the Power of Choosing Joy and so um. You know previously I talked about the book with you on Unbothered, but I got a chance to get first hand interview and with A. Marion a k A now author O Marion. So I'm gonna bring you that interview on this episode. We also had the host Kevin and Melissa Fredericks better known as a k A. Kevin Stage and Miss Stage was in the house. That book Marriage Be Hard, twelve conversations to keep you laughing, loving and learning with your partner.

So I got a chance to talk to Kevin and Melissa at Malik Books. Why they had to sign whoa number one best selling book in two that's right, we pre sold a thousand copies and so I'm gonna do that interview as well. And all A Marion and Kevin they all sold multityler listen. I was able to interview them while they were signing the book, and they wasn't missing a beat. See they multitil and me I would have had to stop signing books then my interview, you know,

but they didn't lose a trainer. Thought. It's like Marian on the stage and he danced and he saying it you know that And so that you know Kevin, he's a performer on the stage. His wife, you know, at a podcast, she's a performer. They're able to you know, sign these books and still do this interview. Wow, you know, and I didn't miss a beat, was able to give great content. I'm excited to bring you those conversations I had for this episode forty and also we also hosted

two additional events at Malie. I'm gonna bring those to you next week, which will be an interview with Thomas T. J. Lofton, who wrote a book called monitor Ties and Gentification. So I'm gonna bring that interview you next. We are also gonna bring you the interview I did with um Timothy Fields and Sharne Brown, who wrote The Black Families Guy to College Admissions. So those interviews I'm gonna bring to

you for episode forty one. But today I'll bring in you o Marion and Kevin and Melissa Frendrick A k A. Kevin Stage and Melissa Misstade Well, so enjoy this episode. Also also Holder Holder. I went out and did some yoga this weekend. It was delightful. I had a good time. My wife took me out to a turn for Nini whatever the name of the hotel is out in Saint Page Row. Anyway, we did what they called moon yoga. Now I'm not the most flexible, but you know, I

did what I could do under the circumstance. But it feels good on my bocky. And I was like saying, oh, man, I hope the next day I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna feel so refreshing. But I knew that night, after I sat down and had a meal after the moon yoga, that uh, that I might be walking stiff because that was a whole lot of stretching. But um, I had a wonderful, wonderful time. I cracked a lot

of jokes. I went Vito local on them. Joe, I couldn't believe what was coming out of me at dinner, and while we were walking to away from the yoga, I just started, you know, having all kind of punch lines and jokes. So I can't air that on this episode because I did a whole lot of custom you know, grown folks stuff. I can't air that but for my podcast, you know, um, but man, I was on fire. I was giving jokes right, was like, wait, I had her

ball in. I ain't even know I could be that funny, but you know what, I was just in that kind of mood. I was in that kind of spirit and I was just dropping them and it was just entertainment. But I'm gonna have to release she did record a few of these punch lines to some of these jokes, and I'm gonna have to drop it, you know, my personal you know, Milik Mohammed, I'm gonna have to drop it on my personal Malik Mohammed Instagram. But in TikTok, I don't even have a personal TikTok. But anyway, I'm

gonna have to drive because it was hilarious. I had to admit I was on fire. I was on fire, and so hey enjoyed this episode Number forty. Normally entertainers performers, y'all, multitask. I can do two things and three things at one time, and So while y'all signing Belief books. Malik Bookshelf podcast bringing the world together with books coach at Community, I have the pleasure of sitting inside of league books. Kevin and Melissa Fredericks. They just wrote a new book called

Marriage Be Hard. Twelve Conversations to keep you laughing, loving and learning with your partner. Okay, what made you want to write your first book? You know, we uh we wrote the book that we wish we had to read when we were first uh married, we found that you know, obviously new newly weds, we're going through stuff and everybody we were talking to, you know, we're talking like, hey, we're struggling this and that. How are you guys doing?

Everybody was like, our stuff is going perfect, literally no issues. You know, we was in the church and stuff, and it was I guess taboo to talk about it. So, come to find out, two or three years later, some of these same people, a lot of these same people are getting divorced and we're like, wait, second, everything we're gonna be going good? What's happening? And we realized that everything wasn't going good. They just you know, it was the thing to say, yeah, you have somebody had been doing.

They say they're fine. So we decided to write the book that we wish we had to read because we want people to be married, want people to stay married, and we wanted to give them some hope and also some like experience that we've learned some tactical stuff. You know. Marriages it's like a cake, absolutely, and a lot of times people have the ingredients and the stove, but they don't have the recipe, so they ain't got ye I

don't know how much sugar, how much? Yeah, So we decided to to help try and write a recipe to to to give you a chance at a better, more successful marriage. Absolutely, marriage be hard. Obviously you're saying that it's hard, Yeah, you know, and what some of the challenges What makes marriage hard? I think the twelve conversations we talked about, from community location, to intimacy, to parenting

um and even something as recent as quarantine. I think if you're married for any period of time, or you've been with someone for a long period of time, you realize that marriage is probably one of the hardest group projects you'll ever have to do, because you're bringing two people's lives together with different opinions and thoughts and all of that, and so trying to merge those two worlds and make it as harmonious as possible. Sometimes it's difficult.

Sometimes it's difficult, very difficult, with two people becoming one. Yes, that should challenge in itself, sup I don't think that challenge, Stoff, What do you think? No? I think listen. Being married it's the constant ability and desire to love someone as they change and as you change. You know, it's like even the iPhone or Android, whatever phone you have, there's small little tweets happening all the time. So the company tells you, hey, we're changing this, taking the headphone jack out,

this is how you do it all. We're introducing Bluetooth. Now you can do this. And you've got to constantly be learning in order to be able to be effective. And marriage is the same way. Melissa has been my girlfriend since she was sixteen. My wife was sweetheart, Yeah, my wife since she was twenty and we'll be forty next year. Like, think about the person you were when you were thanking twenty years olds, not the person you

are at thirty, thirty five or forty. So I gotta learn to love the version of her that she is currently and navigating that is a key to having a happy, healthy marriage. What do you have to say also about

the same question. Yeah, I'm gonna agree. I think that you know, merging the two worlds as we discuss and them constantly changing and evolving and adjusting to that is always going to be, you know, difficult and hard, but it's always going to be something that's going to be worth it, because there's nothing in the world that comes easy that's always worth happy. Different to come eat you got you say you got to go through you know, yeah, no pain, no game, anything you want that's worthwhile. You

ran track, relieve you. It was in the Olympics. You know, you wasn't able to hang out with your friends when sacrifice, had practice, some training, You weren't able to eat what you wanted to eat all the time. Discipline, Like yeah, those are all the ingredients of a good marriage. Ain't nothing nothing rewarding without sacrifice. You paid the price to be who you are. Absolutely your success right now, both for you we've been just for an example, our week

we was in Houston for two days. We went to New York to do press. I had a comedy show last night. We flew straight from d C at four o'clock in the morning. What uh Maryland time, got to the airport, came here, took a shower, iron eight. We ain't even been home yet. Wow, that's but that's what it takes to do just to do this. Now, add on some children and a dog. Finances, how you feel health like navigating all that is what you have to do to have a healthy marriage. Absolutely, and it's what

makes a rewarding marriage. Talk about the twelve conversations. Yeah, the conversation between both of y'all did offer to other people. I mean, I think you listen, let me know how you feel. This is our life on display. But at the end of each chapter there's a relationship checking. These are conversations designed to get you to start your own conversation. It isn't to be like see this will Melissa did? This is why Kevin? Then work this marriage? Don't work

like that. The only thing that works from Melissa, The only thing that needs to work for us is what works for us. But y'all gotta the reader has to sure sure after all those twenty year the two things. That's because early on I used to be like the pastor said this, so let's do this, and she was like,

I'm not married to him, I'm married to you. You know, So you know, this ain't nothing but lessons that we've learned that we're trying to prevent you from having to learn as toughly as we did to your word kind of on the same spiritual Please, I wouldn't say so, yeah, I would think so. You know, I think the reality is because these conversations are bumps and bruises from us. You know, we're we're our own for students, were our own. You know, this book was our therapy, and so being

able to give this out into the world. It's not something we're just given to people because it's que is given to We're giving it to people because it worked for us. These are conversations we had to have. These are conversations we wish we had. These are things we wish we did better. So it's coming from a place that experience and not just like head knowledge. But you had to mature to understand that to get to that point absolutely, to communicate this. Yes, these kind of conversations.

Oh yeah. Effect of communication is a chapter because communication, you can't have none of the conversations without effective communication, and half the time that's where we get stuck. We're not communicating effectively. Yeah, you know, we got seventeen years in the game and you know it's still grown. And one of the things we feel like, yeah, communication is important because we don't see things the same way, you know, And then is a big part of the yes, as

we don't always say what we mean. We don't always mean what we say. Uh. And the wordiness, you know, one of the UH pillars I call them of effective communication to us as honesty, vulnerability, and transparency and UM, I think oftentimes we can get one of those three, but we're not always operating at all all free of them. So honestly, obviously you know that self, that's obvious. You know you have to be honest in any conversation on

the way you're gonna get some period. But being transparent is allowing your partner to see the motivation behind the hurt behind UM. And the vulnerability is leading with your softer emotions and not just your heart emotions. Or you're angry and instead you're saying I miss you, or that hurt my feelings and not just that pissed me off. You know, that's vulnerability, being able to listen to each other. Yes,

take down those defenses. Hearing you now, yes, I don't think you're hearing I'm talking, but you're hearing hearing nothing I'm saying. Oh I hear you know you don't know, you don't because we see things different and you know what you might see, I just don't see. Yep. And I'll take a level of respect to understand that too, amaturity. Yes, yes, so this has been wonderful, wonderful. I think that this book is much needed in the comedy that you put in here, the la yes, you know, having a sense

of you. Yeah, that's so refreshing. Yeah, I mean I feel like that's kind of what separates us. Melissa is the expert, subject matter expert, and I'm gonna bring some laughter to a subject matter that doesn't usually have a comedic touch. You know. So you enjoy the book, yeah? Absolutely, will I have on my list the definite read and get some of your tips, because that's how we all learn.

Still shopping still like well Mary couples shopping married couple. Yeah, so thank you, thank you with the Lease Bookshop audience. These tips about your new book coming out September thirteen, Marriage be Hard to a conversation to keep you laughing, loving and learning from your partner. Yeah, thank you, gotta Marian in the house a K. That's right. How of choosing Jordan, we're part of the joy team. That's right, period, and I love to tie. How did you come up

with that? And what is this? You know, why do you say the power who's in joy? Is because you've got a lot of joy in your life? No, because it's literally a choice, you know, Um, it's up to you. You know, we all go through ups and downs in life, and you know, in order to live a meaningful life,

you gotta choose joy. Absolutely absolutely, and I'm assuming that when you choose the word un bothered, it really means that, you know, you went through some things in life and at the at the end of the rainbow, at the end of the tunnel, you still found joy. Yeah, you know, how did you think? How how did you get to that point? Because obviously, you know it's a growth thing, it's a mature thing. Some things a factors in a

wink where we are bothered by it. Yeah, yeah, I mean being unbothered is definitely Um, you know, not ignoring your emotions and your and the things that you go through is actually addressing it. Being unbothered is just taking us a moment back and Um, instead of you know, reacting, you respond, So you give yourself that beat. And maturity plays a big factor in that. You know, so so many times we go through things and you know, we

asked ourselves like, well, why is this happening? But you know, um, certain things you know happened you know for you not to so how you process it? You know, it might be painful, yeah, or it might come through. It might be George might bring uncomfortableness to your life. Yeah, but if you process it properly, it was meant to be to get you to another place and to another level. M What some of the techniques do you use to get to this point where you can find George whatever

obstools that might kind of come in your life. I definitely use meditation affirmations. Um. Those are major keys for me, um to process life, you know, because it comes at your fast um mantras. You know, UM, there's are all important tools you know that are coming from my personal experience that helped me process things and mature and elevate,

stay elevated. And UM, at what point, in what state in your life did you get to this point where you know you you choose the path that you want now after going through so many, um, you know, so many things. You know, I want to say that, you know, um, I just arrived and I'm still arriving. You know, Um, you know, life has an interesting way of showing you new things. And when you're open, you know, to two

new things. Um, you know, beautiful things happen. So you know, I want to say I just survived, but but I'm still coming. That's how I'm still coming. I'm still I'm still being be coming too. And I know, I know you know your father now you know you went from being you know, a single man married man now father never married, never married. But yeah, kids, you know that's a that's a bond, that's a marriage you can't break

hate for life. And I know they had a part of the journey and being, you know, helping you choose the power of joy, being unbothered because kids, Uh, you know, gotta have patience. Yeah, I gotta have patience. And you know what, I'm I'm so grateful that you know, UM, I first of all, I loved my kids outdore my kids, and they brought so much knowledge, so much growth and inspiration to me. So yeah, you know, the kids are important, you know. Um it allows you to step outside, you know,

of doing things just for yourself. You know, when you're having kids, you gotta you gotta think about them. You know, they didn't have to be in this world. So you know, being a priority yep, and being selfless you know, Um, that's a major part of my you know, maturity and maturation as a man. Absolutely, for sure. Absolutely, you know I'm fither to him five five. Oh, that's what's up.

And the active grandparents school. Okay, hey, well you know what, I'm just gonna tell y'all thank you because the same for my mom and my family. You know, it really does take a village. Really, it really does take a village because you know, I'm here and the babies had to get to school this morning and shout out to my cousin kicking us. You know, she she's helped me

and help my kids grow along the way. And it's so important that bond you know between grandparents and you know the kids, like, oh my goodness, you God rest mynna soul. But she passed away earlier this year. But she she was the first person to touch me. She was, you know, brought me into this world. And I'm so happy that I was able to experience that. You know, having grand grand grandparents is a special it's a special Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know you're bringing back

memories my grandmother. It's so spiritual man. Wisdom that they dropped, Oh my goodness, so important. It helps us. Um, you know a lot of those things that we get older and understand things differently. You know, we're oh, I'm gonna said that. Grandmom said that, right, it's coming to exactly exactly when we're young. We don't see things the same as they do. Just like putting, you know, thirty forty years into a tune in your mind, right, you know,

how do you do it? It takes years to get understanding. Because you get knowledge and get wizard you can understand it, but it makes face. You take you years to get to the point where you understand life and understand what's going you know, and a lot of things. I used to think, oh man, my parents hard on me when I was young, not when I got kids. Yeah, now I understand. Yeah, I feel the same way, because we wanted to see our children, you know, grow from the productive,

being successful. You know, whatever path they choose, we want to see them win. You know, that's what many books is all about. Books bring opportunity, put down the you know, obstacles did prevent you from succeeding, and pick up a book and change your life here, you know, And I like you know, I personally I always read most nonfiction or inspiration and like your book Unbothered The Power of Choosing Joy. That just struck me. The title. I love, you know, because we got to find joy even in

the midst of darkness. You gotta find happiness even in the midst of you know, obstacles and difficulty. You know, life is gonna it's like a heartbeat. It's up and down. So enjoyed the ups and Enjordan that sucks. Enjoy it all. It's called life. It's all. It's called life. Yeah. Thanks for listening to Meliek's Bookshelf with topics on the shelf, our books, culture and community. Be sure to subscribe and leave me a review. Check out my Instagram at melik Books. See you next time.