Friendship

Milk has all the knowledge you want, has all the knowledge you need. Yet they have all the books that the whole wild world one up read Malague Books.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malik's Books, bringing a.

World together with books, culture and community. Hi, my name is Malik, your host of Malik's Bookshelf. Well, let me tell you this is going on. What's going on this week?

Because we got a big, big event that's coming up February third, were kicking off our Black History Week with Common at Malite Books.

Now he's gonna be there at three.

You got a RS repeat This is a private, exclusive book signing, So you got a RS repea at malikbooks dot com and register for this epic event.

What Common is coming to Malik Books Now?

You know Common is an Emmy Award winner, He's a Grammy Award winner, he's an Oscar Award winner, and he's.

A Golden Globe Award winner.

He's also an activist and an author and his new book is out Called. And then we rise a magnificent day of celebration as we bring in the new year with an epic, iconic person, a good person coming to Malague Books. And then that's right common in his new book. And then we rise a god to living.

And taking care of self. So you got an RSVP for that, but it's just not comment taking place.

Listen, we got a inaugural Black history event.

That comment is the headline, no doubt.

But from twelve to five, we are celebrating a epic event that we are corporate at the Westfield Coach who's the sponsor of this event in partnership with Malik Books and the l Merk Park Book Fair. Listen from at twelve o'clock we're kicking it off. We got authors and let me just go down the list.

Listen. Listen.

We got authors, we got book giveaways. We got Corey Weathers. Look, she's the daughter of Bill Wellings. She's gonna do a reading of her book, well, her dad's book, which is called Grandmm's Hands, and she's gonna do a performance along with that. You know that entertainment runs in the family. So Corey Weather's gonna be of participating at a one point thirty and doing a reading. But at twelve o'clock, you know, I'm gonna do the welcome. Then after about twelve third, we got poets coming up.

We got somebody named Teresa the song wor coming all the way from a lot to dropping her poems at our festival.

And she's author a book called You So Black, So this is epic man.

And we got Sandra.

Sandra Buchannan who also is the author of a book called Black and and she's a Poet Award winner and she's gonna be dropping her performance at our event as well as the.

Charles Small three to old Jazz band. Oh, they got two sessions set up. This is gonna be I think.

We got Josoh the Bozo, the clown coming to this event to entertain our kids. Balloons, face painting, bubbles, you name it. She's gonna be reading stories to our kids. We got African dance, We got afrik We got a youth assembly of drummers coming. African drummer They youth and they gonna come set it off at twelve o'clock as well. And then we also got some African dancers, the Transfiguration African drum Line, that's what they call and the Shine African Dancers.

They're gonna be there as well.

We got Stephanie Owens, who authored the book of Female President and Lose Too. You know, she's an independent author, so she's gonna be and we got guess what. We got Sparky and not lead White, the vice president of l A Spark.

Sparky is the mascot for the LA Spark. He's gonna be there giving out books. That's right. We got two.

Thousand books that we're gonna be given away, sponsored by.

You know, Westfield Covid City. More so we get giveaways.

And let me tell you, we got the first black female who is the new mayor of Covid City. That's right, the first black female mayor, Jasmine mcrony.

Macronan Jasmine Macronin.

Who is the first black female mayor of cod City, is gonna be at We're gonna honor her.

She's gonna be at the event around three.

So we got d R the performer, the producer of my hit Deep some Elique. Well, this don't perform just before Common does his book signing. So we got a I mean, we got an assembly of excitement and fun for the whole family. It's in a community event. We're curating this throughout the whole malls. It's gonna be center Court downstairs at Westfield Clova City Mall and Common is gonna be inside Elik Books right upstairs from Center Court.

So you go to Milik.

Books dot com and register for the commedy. The rest of the event is free. It's a public, free event. But we on February third, starting from twelve to five. Now Common is his The highlight of this event is at three so RSVP at Melik Books. So that's the excitement because you know, I say, Malik Books bringing the world together with books, culture and community.

This is community, this is community. So you got to come on out.

It's gonna be licked, that's right, and it's fun for the whole family. You know, I'm very appreciative of being able to partner with people like the Westfield, Coche City Mall and le Mert Park Book Festival. And so we're ready, it's going down. It's less than a week six days from now. You got to come through and we celebrating and we're doing the book signing and were comment exclusive books signing and then we rise a god to loving and taking care of yourself, all right, and so moving on,

So I'm I'm talking about friendship on here. I'm I'm hurt about a couple of things.

So hey, hey, hey, this is life and things are not always gonna go the way we want and we do feel and we do feel pain. So I did this little segment to talk about, you know, trying to you know, talk about know what is friendship and what does it mean? And does people, if you friends, do they need to show up at moments in your life when you need them as well as they need you. So you know, friendship is not a one way things as a it's a relationship and so it's reciprocated and

The time, so nothing stays the same.

People grow and they change, and so then you know, you can start out close one day and then fall apart and not be close, or you go your separate way. It's just it, you know. So you you know, we gotta question those friendships along the way as they you know, evolve and change. And so that's what I'm doing in this episode is heartfeeling. I'm opening up personally and I'm talking about, you know, something that's important and near to

So here it is. You know, enjoy this episode.

Thank you for being a Lie listener or Relice bookshelf and sign up and register for the inaugural Black History event this Saturday, February third at inside the Westfield Code City Mall and Malik Books. All Right, peace, enjoy the episode.

I'm gonna talk to you about something that's been on my mind that i should share with my podcast. It's called reciprocating, it's called brotherhood, it's called mutual relationship, where it's a give and receive.

This something that I've been just talking lately about.

Going into the twenty twenty four and examining relationships that are toxic or elevating. And some of our friendships, some of our relationsationships that we have can be one sided, and you find yourself being on the giving side all the time, but never receiving. And I've had relationships friendships like this, and you got to ask yourself, is it worth it?

I think that there are.

A standard or scales that can determine whether or not it's worth it. For example, are they showing up when something horrific or stressful or polarizing happen in your life? Is this person showing up for you like you show

Not showing up for you. I'm just talking experience.

I'm talking real issues, real life matters here where you have death in your family and you don't get no call, you don't get You know a lot of people these days they wanna tax something on social media.

You know the adequacy. But here's the thing. Here's the thing.

If it's a family member, or if it's someone that's close to you, I think the standard is different than someone that is just an acquaintance.

A true friend shows up a true friend.

If you gotta a full bowl of suit, they'll give you half of that suit. That's a true friend. All family members ain't true friends. All family members wouldn't share that half a bowl of suit. So just because you might have blood doesn't necessarily mean that person gonna show up.

For you because they family.

But God always create circumstances and conditions to reveal your true relationship. And all I'm saying is, if you're putting everything in and that person doesn't reciprocate, ask yourself with that friendship worth it? Maybe you need to downgrade that to an acquaintance. Maybe it's started out, you know, years and decades of you being close and you doing everything together, and then all of a sudden things just changed. I had a friend. I'm not gonna say I had a friend.

Here's the thing.

Every time I've leaned on this person for something, they never come through for me.

Now we judge.

Things by more or less meaning that and when I if I say that this person doesn't never show up for me, doesn't mean that one or two times in our lives that they didn't.

But what I mean is about consistency.

Consistency is the key, because that's the reality stability. You know, nothing is successful unless it's consistent. So who you are is what you are consistent. So if you constantly consistently don't show.

Up, then you don't show up.

So don't try to hang on to a few incidents in life that you might have.

You see what I'm saying.

But the question is we all faced with circumstances and conditions in our lives to create trauma, grief, disappointment, frustration, confusion, and ultimately.

Hurt, pain, And at.

Those moments we look for people that love us, that care about us to show up, to say a kind word, or just to be present, they give a shoulder. Anyway, you know, I have a dear friend. I mean we did everything together and I consider him a brother. I could sit in him, someone whom is more than just a person whom that I just know when you have bonded on all levels mentally, physically and spiritually. So anyway, their incidents that have happened that has cost distance between us,

You know, we encourage that.

You know, each one helped one, right, So anyway, over the years, it's not that I can't do it, but it's it's just you know, we try to raise funds for our team and for and we go to family and friends and we try to raise money. So over the years I would do that, particularly for the just the Junior Olympics. So anyway, we sat down, not set down, but you know, I'm doing my fund raising and and you know I'm making my loved ones, family friends to support and guess what I I this person whom I

Charity.

That kind of blew me away because he made a seen. He made me feel like I was asking him for a handout.

You know, we throw away.

Twenty dollars on bs all the time. We throw away money on frivolous things all the time, even when we don't have much money. What I'm saying this is, you know, over a decade ago. But the thing is, I didn't expect for him to say that. And when you're fifty years old, I'm not gonna waste time trying to convince this person that I don't agree with what he's said, because he's entitled to say what he said and believe

But yet I come to him as a brother.

And at this time I believed that I was going through, you know, maybe some hardship.

But the point is I went to someone I thought.

Was my brother right, I believe was my brother. He didn't offer anything but said to me, I don't believe in charity. Are there other sources that you can go to to get money? At that point, you know, I felt a certain way, but hey, rejection is part of life, so I move on. But what I had to do was redefine this relationship because he didn't show up for me and it was unexpected.

But anyway, let me move on.

So then, hey, this is my opportunity to talk to my order about some real life stuff. You know, this is my opportunity to talk about my heart and how I feel about certain things.

I've kept this in for a long time.

I have not had I've tried to have this conversation when but sometimes you just move on in the right time.

It's just not there.

But anyway, my beloved friend son was murdered, I mean murdered.

And.

Three years they went by, I had not talked to him. His son was murdered. I didn't think about the past. I showed up at his house to give embrace him and give him love and to show him, man that I'm here and that I'm I'm available. And I know this is a horrific time, right, So at that moment, it wasn't about yesterday.

It was about now.

It was about being present, it was about being available, it was about being you know, a brother.

He's hurting, dish, horrible.

So I showed up. Didn't want to talk about yesterday. Let's talk about now. What can I do to make you feel better? I know that it's not much because only time can heal those kind of wounds. So yeah, so after that, you know, we hung out. We talked over a few times over the a few years. But I would always call and he would never be available, would never answer his phone, he would never call back. So I just stopped calling again. I just stopped calling again. I said, I said, wow, if you.

Brothers, listen. I look at it like this. Let's say you working on a job. Let's say you.

Have a superior and he email you or calls you. You gottas respond in a timely matter. Otherwise its consequences. You see what I'm saying, There's consequences. So I looked at it like, man, this is unprofessional, you know. I look like I'm like, I feel like I got to bring my brother on charges of being unbrotherly. You know what I'm saying, I'm following a court order on the grounds that you're being unbrotherly because you're not following up, you're not responding, you're not checking.

Anything can happen.

So anyway, I'm telling this story because I'm getting this off my mind and my heart, and I'm talking to my audience and I'm sure some of y'all can relate.

And you got people in your life like this.

So what happens is I call I mean, listen, you know, it's two sides of every story.

I ain't here to talk about his side.

I'm here to tell you my side, and I'm here to tell you my hurt and my pain and what I feel you understand. And the thing and here's the thing is that so now a bunch of like two a year or so went by them. We ain't talked again because he don't follow through, he don't call back, he don't listen, you know, And that right there, it's a problem to me.

Now, I ain't trying to you know, like.

A wee can go by and hit me by, but you never hit me back, you never call And I keep calling. You know what they call you no when you are doing when you you know, it makes you feel like you a bet.

You know the word be right. You know when you were.

One just calling this person and it ain't never responding, and it's now it's turning you into making me feel like man, am I his be am, I.

His be This dude can't call me bye. That's how I'm feeling. I'm like man.

So anyway, my wife's mom died, didn't show up for me, didn't come to the service, didn't even call me, never came to the house, didn't shore at all at all to to.

Our funeral service for my wife's mom.

Someone I love, someone that's been in my life for over a decade. People show up for you. He ain't got to know her, he know me, and he ain't sure for me. And that was a very painful time because my wife was hurt. I mean, I ain't never seen that kind of pain on my wife and I had to deal with that and that was painful for me.

That was painful. So if I could get some support, some love from my brothers.

That's a great thing. That's a great thing. Didn't show it for me at all.

I charged this brother for lack of brotherhood. You stay with what I'm saying.

Then on top of that, like I said, at that point, it was no need for me to call him. There was no need for me to t continue to try to make this relationship because it ain't one It's one sided. He don't show me no love, no brotherhood. He ain't there for me when I need. And I love this guy. You understand. I love this guy. So that's why I hurt. Then on, then let me tell you what he did. Well, let me tell you what happens after that, and not

These three strong black women, my beloved friend's mother, my mother, and my grandmother. And then she passes away.

I called him, I showed up at his house.

I showed up at the funeral.

I preciprocated what I never got from him.

And my wife's mom passed away.

He didn't show up for me, but I showed up for him, and I didn't show up for him, and I showed her for his mama, to pay my ultimate respect for her because.

She was a pillar and an influence in my life.

So once again, you know, we you know, time goes on, he goes back to the same and I'm pretty sure he probably do that to a lot of people, but I ain't. I ain't gonna accept it, and I ain't everyone. I don't care what he do to everybody. I care about how he treat me and how you treat me. Ain't ain't acceptable how he don't follow up on his calls and don't get back with me and check it. You could die tomorrow, you understand, he he you know.

You understand. So anyway, I ain't accepting it, you know. So anyway, time went on.

You know, I call, he take a long time to keep days weeks to call back if he do at all. You know what I'm saying. But it is what it is. So I'm moving on or whatever. But here, here's the ticker. Here's the ticker. We were walk good. I'm just accepting him in his space in this place, but know to protect myself because if it's a time of need, he ain't gonna show up for me. And so but hey, I accept you as you are. So Hey, you know our friendship we're still there. I don't know if we

Away, and everyone sent their love and condolence, accept them, never called, never showed up.

Now my mom is in Washington, d C. So I don't expect them to travel back there. But I don't think it's much to ask for a call. I don't think it's much to ask for him to follow up, you know what I'm saying.

See, because and he knew, he knew, because other people in.

Our same circle knew, and they sent their condolence, So I knew he knew.

He knew, he knew. I ain't got the call to tell him. Oh, by the way, mom died. You know what I'm saying. He didn't have to call and tell me that his mom died.

Wein in the same circle. It gets around, right, So guess what he had show up for me? And it's now he ain't called me. He ain't show up. Not asking for no flowers, not asking for no cars, but be present, be available at the moment. This is a grieving time for me. Then show So my bottom line is first time a dog bite you. Basically, you might give a past the first time, but the second time, that's on you.

You know what I'm saying.

So, Hey, I'm realizing this is who he is. He ain't showing up for me. He probably ain't showing up for a lot of other people. But maybe it's I don't know, but I know one thing. I don't even can hold somebody accountable for what I feel I deserve, you know what I mean.

So he ain't show up for me, and my mom passed. You see what I'm saying. So then I guess.

Five months later, here's the teacher and this is oh Man. Five months later, I lose my sister, my big sister. I don't have a big family. I only have a brother and a sister, and my sister is one year older than me. I lost my big sister in the holidays December, cause I lost my mom in June of twenty twenty three. I lost my sister December of twenty twenty three. So within five months, I lost two major pillars, two major people in my life. And I had to go back to bury my sister because I'm the big

On social media about my loss.

Right, didn't call, but as come from made he knew alright, never commented on my mom, but he knew, he knew. He commented, alright, that's fine, but that's all it was. Didn't call. Ain't like this brother didn't know my sister. This is the same guy that during the Million Man in March, we all went back in nineteen ninety five, stayed at my mother's house. He knew, he knew my mother,

What you need so I don't get that same reciprocation. I charge him with lack of brotherhood.

Then on top of this, check this out, and I'm venting you know what I'm saying to my audience, why because this is real stuff and you going through it right now, You got people in your life around they did. Wait, they they don't reciprocate. They out there. You know, you're putting in all the work and they're not giving back. And there's a lot of relations to husband and wife,

I find some horrible, I mean horrific news.

That my brother, my beloved brother's son, committed suicide.

Let me say that again.

My beloved son committed This brother has now lost two sons, two sons.

I knew his kid.

When he was a baby. We used to go out in Vegas. I knew his child.

I'm in DC to bury my son.

I find out that this brother's son committed suicide.

I felt that. I felt that because that's the kind of heart I got.

I didn't call him right away because I had to think about a lot of things because of what has happened.

But I wanted to be there for his son. Why because I knew.

Him when he was yet a baby. His twenty six year old son committed suicide. Because I was still in Maryland. There was no where I was gonna make the funeral that they had the following week because I was still there in Washington, DC, Maryland handling in my affairs. So they sat today and I wasn't gonna be able to make it. But had I been home, I would have been there because that's the kind of person I am. I would have been there because I need to pay

I reached out.

I put it all aside that he ain't called me for my wife's mom, he didn't call me and consult me for my mom, that he didn't do anything consult me, follow up and communicating me about my sister.

Three people, he didn't reach out. Do you know, I felt some kind of way. But despite that, I.

Called him four times, four times. Ask me if he answered the phone, ask me if he called me back. He didn't answer the phone, he didn't call me back, and I called him four times. I've done my duty. I've done my I've said my piece. I've done the brilliantly thing. This is what I believe loved them despite you know what I'm saying, turn the other cheek. I believe in this moment I've done that.

And I'm not saying this.

To pat myself on the shoulders or nothing. But certain things show you who you are, as it shows other people who they are. So he didn't call me back, he didn't asker the phone. So at that point, I think he feels some kind of way. That's my thinking.

Do I know?

I don't know, but yet, you know, but I think he feels some kind of way. I'm not anybody. I'm not anybody.

Because I know that that no matter what, ain't gonna change the fact that we've done everything together for decades.

So once again, time has revealed.

Unseen and circumstances within a friendship, a relationship, things can be one way this decade in another another decade. And that's what I just have to except I I'm always gonna love the brother because we got too much history. But it come with a lot of pain in a lot of years. It come with a lot of disappointment in a lot of years. But life goes on. What don't care, you make it stronger. So this is my story,

And allow that to ride my joy.

People showed up for me when Mama passed. People showed up for me when my wife's mom passed. People showed up for me when my sister passed. When we had to shirt have people coming, Man, can't My brother came all the way from Pennsylvania to come down. He didn't even know my mother, but he showed up for me. Man the time and need, show up for people when the time and need, be present for people when the time of need. It's a lot of people hurting and

I hope it help you deal with what you're going through.

Find the joy and the happiness no matter what, and don't let nobody take that. I can't let him stop my joy just because he don't show up for me. I can't let that disappointment that I feel for him not being available emotionally for me.

You know what I'm saying. That's him, you know what I'm saying.

But I got to be present for me and I have to love the joy that I got in my life. That's all I'm saying. You know, God is good, Life is good. What don't kill you and make it stronger.

This is the you know, the part of life. I call it lifing. This is lifing.

It's up and down like a heartbeat, but its joy is laughter and its happiness despite whatever we go through.

So I hope you enjoyed this story that I brought forth.

It's not a necessary story, but I opened up and gave you a part of me, a part of my history. I hope you enjoyed it and learn something from it.

May God bless you Happy New Year.

Thanks for listening to Maleak's Bookshelf, where topics on the shelf are books, culture, and community.

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