#124: Make Space For What Matters With Lisa Kaplin

Hey, welcome to my podcast. This is a podcast where I'll be teaching you all the systems and strategies you need in creating your visibility so you can turn your passion for coaching into a profitable business. I'm your host, Michelle Quaid. I am a visibility coach, content and email marketing strategist, international speaker and author, as well as the founder of Elevate life coaching, that just say that I know a few things about overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles

Thanks, Michelle.

I'm so happy that you are here. I miss you so much. It's been so long since I saw you like since I took your class, you're such a you're such an empowering thought leaders in the woman empowerment coach space.

Thank you.

So I know there's a lot of listeners and audience who probably know you because they follow you through the community and some of them are probably your students. You've been in practice for quite some time. So I was wondering if you can start by telling us you know what means you shift the gear from being a psychologist to a coach?

Gosh, it's such a good question. I love psychology, I believe in therapy, I think it's helpful to most of us. What I found though, is I fell more in love with coaching. I love the forward motion of it. I liked the flexibility of it the looking for solutions versus problems. It's not. We're not diagnosing anybody. We're really equal partners with people and I just

So why I know I went to your website, I actually studied your website, I thought it was really cleverly made and you publish a lot of articles.

I do write a lot. I write a blog every week. I do yeah, it's kind of it's really my own therapy. If someone reads it great. If they don't, that's okay. Because I really write what's in my heart and what comes up for me and you know, sometimes resonates with people so that's just an added little bonus.

Yeah. So I'm curious because you're you're one of your services women empowerment coaching. Why women empowerment?

Oh, gosh, how much time Yeah, Michelle. It I think it comes from watching my mother's generation of women really not being treated as equals, and even women In our generation where we have a lot more opportunities, we're still not we do not have total equity, at least in the United States, financially, with positions within government where you are not equally represented. And that matters. And We have certainly seen that in the news

I think it's very interesting, because we fought for the last. So the women's right, had just celebrated 100 years, I believe it was last year, it was 100 years a woman's rights that was passed. And, and to me, it just really incredibly unbelievable of how many more women have not come out to use a voice. And I think one of the key word I saw on your website is about finding their voice. Why do you think that's a struggle for many women?

I think so many of us were taught to be good girls, right? Like, don't say anything, don't cause trouble. You know, don't argue with anybody. I know, I was raised that way. And I never felt like I had an equal voice. I still sometimes don't. And so I think us getting a little uncomfortable by saying what we want asking for what we want using our voices. We know that women often don't ask for raises and promotions, and men do when the women are equally if

Yeah, how do we stand up for ourselves? million dollar question, right, I'm doing

another question of how much time you have a shell. I think it's one is knowing what we really want and to being really clear, and this is what I want and then asking for it. And I think though, knowing what I want is challenging for women, because we've so been raised and society tells us to put others first, you know that that we should be taking care of others that we can take care of ourselves. So many of us don't even know what we want. When I asked women what they want.

How have you? How do you address for? Well, let me backtrack a little bit because from what I have known you ever since you're very outspoken and your personality just you make the whole room bubble as you walk into the room. So I'm curious, though, has this always been the way that you are?

No, definitely not. I think I was quieter. When I was younger. I thought I had to do what other people wanted me to do. I really lived my life that way. And I it took it took probably I think I was in my 40s with it when I started to say this isn't really working for me. This isn't what I want from life. And so I started to get more comfortable. being outspoken, which you know, not everybody likes me, but that's okay. I'm not doing it to get friends.

Like whoever whoever don't like me said he was just out of your mind out there. I was out there watching and listening. This episode if they don't like you, like we need to talk we need to cut obsession.

I'll refer them to you

need to talk to sit down and talk. I think one of the struggle that I noticed a lot of women coaches have is number one, they're not. They're not used to being very outspoken. And a lot of them I noticed that especially including myself. I was an introvert so I would hide behind the curtain I don't feel comfortable about doing live we're speaking and that was a big stepping out to actually use

We think he using a perfect example is I watched you like take little steps you know putting something on social media telling somebody about your business. You know asking for one tiny thing you want you know if you get the wrong coffee orders, bringing it back and saying this isn't the right order. Here's what I want. Like little tiny baby steps will build more and more confidence as you go I think that's the way

Do you ever get into the into? Like finding though with your husband? This is what I want? And I don't know like you why?

Are you kidding? Are you joking? Like you just ask him? Yes. Exactly. One time he said he created a monster because he used to tell me that I didn't say like, what I wanted for dinner, you know, where I wanted to go things like that. And now I definitely tell him and he's like, yeah, maybe, maybe, you know, he promoted them a bit too much. But yes, absolutely. And sometimes they I think, I don't want to be in

Yeah. I think with that, though, it a lot of it has to do with the extensional. External factors, right? So legislation, rules, the leaves and things that women should do and should not do. Who controls that?

Men. I mean, this is, you know, when when the majority of people making the decisions on our health care, are men, then there's a problem. This is how we're not represented, we, you know, if at least 50% of our government 50% of our physicians 50% Are women, then there's much better chance that what really matters to us is taken into consideration. And so I think this is where representation is so key.

Yeah, I think one of the one of the things that I've noticed is that a lot of women are more coming off from the caring perspective loving and caring, oh, I don't want to be in that fighting Mo, or I don't want to cause trouble. I don't want to cause harm. So a lot of those hold back and what we believe in sharing our sharing our opinions. And when you don't share your opinion, that becomes an issue, right, especially as we can do.

Right, exactly. And I get I do I think we all want to Well, I can say we all I think many of us want to come from a space of love, and caring and compassion. And I agree with all of those things. And I think sometimes we we want to choose to fight and choose to put our voice out there. And yes, it's scary. But we know it's worked in the past. Right? And I'm not sure that us being passively kind is actually giving us what we want.

Yeah, I think so one of the one of the inspiration that really came from this, this whole topic, and this talk was from your blog posts, and I remember doing research on, you know, well, what do I want to talk about Lisa, and one of the quote that you have on your blog is spaces, the opposite of force. And when I sit in the space where there's no room for force thing, just come my way without pain, without force, and with joy and help. Space is being present in

I think to me is it's when I think a force I don't think of like fighting for my rights. I think I'm trying to force my agenda on somebody else. And to me the difference of that is space to really own my own wants and desires and And then to save them and save them from a place of power, not not aggression, not threat, just really, truly a place of power. And I think in the present moment, then I don't have to be angry about what's happened in the past because it's in the

It is not it is not easy to rise above that anger. I remember that first day when I learned the news, I was really upset. And I had a lot of anger. And I was actually angry, I don't believe that I totally believe that it's a violation of human rights. It's my opinion, it's, you know, what I believe in. And so in order to get over that, it took me quite some time to deliver it right. And I'm

What a great question, I think the main thing is allow ourselves to be angry, of course, you were angry, you know, of course, people are upset, and some people were happy, and that's okay, as well. It's really allowing ourselves any feeling we're having. And I think women are notoriously bad at that, oh, you shouldn't be mad, you shouldn't be this, you shouldn't get it, you know, anything we're feeling makes

What are some of the things that you do to make that space?

That are legal? No, I'm kidding. Don't do. Exactly. One thing is really being with like minded women having this conversation with you. It feels I feel connected. And I think, you know, being with when when, when the whole legal thing changed. I was texting with my closest group of girlfriends, and with my daughter, and we were I was connecting with people and supporting people, and we're and who can we help?

I think what we're the hardest part to get to that is how do I actually let go of my feeling and having that acceptance to what is? And what can be? So I think a lot of people are still being trapped in the what can it be? Or what can I do?

Well, the the piece about our feelings is I don't know, like, I'm allowing myself a range of emotions throughout like, I'll think, Okay, I've released some of the rage and I haven't totally there's, there's more there, apparently, and, but also to deny what is keeps you really in the past? Because this is currently this is what is, we might not like it, but let's be in full acceptance of what is and then once we've accepted flow, what is what do we want to do about it? What is moving

Making space for what matters? What matters to you most Lisa?

Ah, um, a lot of things, women and women's rights and women's opportunities, then there's one that my I want my daughter to have so much more than I've had an I'm a pretty privileged person. And I want her to have every right to her body and to her life and to her career. So that really matters. My family matters. My career matters that my clients and people I helped my dog because we've been around in the

I have a tendency to fill out my space, I feel a lot of things. We all do.

We all do. And maybe there's room for space for silly things to you know.

Yeah, so I lately I noticed that there's this whole concept about second brain and as a woman, you know, we, we tried to hold a lot of things in our brain, oh, I can remember that? Well, I'll just keep it, it could be in my mind. But the reality is, we don't have that brain that function that way. So you need a second brain. So things like writing things down? or what have you to do is have you kind of wonder that actually

If I didn't, then you look at the day and go, Wow, how am I gonna get all that done?

Right. And I feel like this is a topic that I can learn so much, because I'm not making space at all. Well,

it's funny you say that, Michelle, because one of my clients was really talking about this. So we started with, I said, What's the smallest amount of space you could make in a week that and she started with 15 minutes in one week. And she came back and said, that really helped me. Just 15 minutes, she didn't answer the phone, she didn't do anything,

Speaking, speaking on clients, and that would be my next question for you is I know you do woman empowerment coaching, you do leadership, and you also do speaking engagement? What are some of the things that you're currently working on that? Like, how do you work with clients?

Oh, gosh, this is, um, I mostly in one on one, but I'm doing some work now for Chief, the organization chief, which has been really amazing, chief is their goal is to put women in senior leader positions and keep them there. And so I've been doing some executive coaching group coaching for them, which has been so fun and engaging and feels like, very attached to my values. So that's been fantastic. And I've actually been coaching more men,

one of the things I've noticed, when men approach me typically is because you can you can think of things, your perspective coming out from a woman's perspective, it really helps center understand how their colleagues operate, you know, what is my what is my employee thinking right now? I need to know,

right? Yes. And many of them exactly. are saying like, I want to make sure I'm getting along with women. I want to make sure I'm leading in a way that is supportive of women. So such a great opportunity to have those conversations.

Yeah, yeah. Which ties me to the next question. I know I do you want to wrap it up? I know you're you have another appointment? And you're like, I just need to smack stature into my show here. Oh, my, I think it a rapper with our busy schedule. But before I let you go, what are the what are the struggle that my audience my women coaches are experiencing is a lot of time they don't know how to position themselves in

I think my best advice is to get out there talk to people, I think women sometimes get so caught up and I have to have the exact right words on my website, or I have to, you know, have all these pieces in order. The truth is, people are attracted to you because you're you, you go on and talk to people go to networking, meet as many people as you can tell people, This is what you do. offer coaching to people so they can see who you really are. I built my business, one conversation, one

Yeah, yeah. And if I were to guess your because you talked about values, if I were to guess your top values, I really believe that authenticity is up there.

It's a way of It's almost tied with fun, you know, but you know that about me, you know, it's gotta be fun or not gonna do it.

Yes. And going to your module, it was just so fun. You light up, you literally light up the whole entire room.

Thank you. You're so sweet. You do too. I loved you, the minute I met you.

Thank you. I don't think it's true that you you're not a good marketer. I think you're great in doing marketing, especially the fact that you're publishing one blog posts per week. Those blog posts get picked up. And that's how I started to research you. I'm like, Oh, let me stop for a little bit. What's, what's going on here? Thank you. Thank you for stalking me. Any, any last word of advice for our everybody, all the women who's

Yeah, I think being really conscious about stopping. I think one thing that happened with COVID, is we have these back to back meetings, I'm guilty. And there's no space in between. And that's that little half hour in between or 15 minutes, really can refresh us and reconnect with ourselves so that we show up to the next meeting. You know, ready to go. So, being thoughtful about it. And I'm really conscious and if you have to put on your calendar, you know, put space on

I like the idea of putting a space on my calendar,

literally space.

Space Test. space that work? Yeah. Oh, I'm so happy and so glad that you're here on the show. Where can people find find to work with you?

We to kaplan.com K p l i n. That's There you go. Michelle was running there's where you can find me your

I will definitely have the link into the episode. Now when it comes out so that people can reach out to you. They can find they can stop you. Thanks. Again, if you're watching this, you're listening to this and you don't like me said You're out of your mind. We need to talk

about essential health, you know, call me out right.

We'll just go to Lisa website. She'll help you.

There you go. Thanks, Michelle.

Thank you so much, Lisa. I'll see you soon. Bye. Take care. Bye. Bye, everyone. Hopefully you are empowered, you feel inspired that you are ready to take some action from today's episode. I will love for you to drop your comment inside the will actually drop your thoughts inside the comments and let me know what is your takeaway message? And how are you going to make space for what really matters. So just drop that into the chat. And