00:00:00
Well. Hey there. Welcome back. Today's episode is truly for everybody. I want you to send it to your mom, your dad, your dog, your cousin, your best friend, your preschool teacher.
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I want it to go to everybody because at the end of the day, we all have goals, we all have dreams. And often I feel like we connect this negativity to these goals when they aren't panning out the way that we expected them to. Which is why I wanted to have Amanda Hilton on the podcast today. She is a personal growth facilitator and a psychologist specialist teaching practical strategies for sustainable personal growth. She has her master's in clinical physiology from Columbia University spiritual mind body institute and a background in education theory with a curriculum design and a certification in yoga.
00:00:51
And she also is amazing at connecting in holistic well being, taking health as a whole, mixing in mental health, physical health, and then practical solutions to make your life happier. She is amazing when she explains goal setting, giving you ideas, helping you feel powerful in your goals, and helping them be effective and relatable. So today we're going to break down mistakes we make when making goals. We're going to break down different limitations and other things going on and how we can effectively monitor our progress in goals without becoming negative. This episode, I think you're going to love it, because I really loved it.
00:01:30
It really left me feeling empowered with things that I am working on. And the truth is, we all have things we're working on, whether it's health, fitness, finance, relationships, personal growth, anything. We all have things that we want to improve and that's normal, that's part of life. But we want to do it effectively, efficiently and positively. Also, I have a little surprise coming for you.
00:01:52
I know that I've talked multiple times about how I'm in the process of creating an app. I have been working on it for two years. Most of the apps you see out right now are using a platform, and when I was looking into those, I felt like there were some limitations. I really wanted to be able to teach in my app more than just workouts. I wanted to be able to have a variety of workouts.
00:02:11
I wanted to be able to queue and for you to listen to music. I wanted to be able to share nutrition. I wanted to be able to share educational videos. I have an entire section called education where I have tons of experts in there covering a variety of topics from core work, mobility, mental health, postpartum pregnancy, so many different things. I am finally in the finishing stages of this app.
00:02:36
We are loading all the workouts, we are loading all the videos, and we are so close. But you can now be added to our founding members list. We will be sending out an email to you directly with information before we actually launch publicly with a cheaper price for the app. That link is in the show notes. It's going to be at the very top of the Show Notes.
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All you do is enter your email. We won't really send you anything else, but right before the app launches, we will send you all the information. We will send you that discounted price because you will be one of the first ballers in the app. Doing mental health, doing physical health, doing nutrition, doing all the things. This app is truly like my baby.
00:03:16
When they say that you have blood, sweat and tears building something, I can say that I've had a lot of all of those and I am so excited to share this finished product with you. So don't miss out on being a founding member of the new app by adding your email and the link in the Show Notes so that you can get all the information early and that little bit of a better price. I also want to give a shout out to Hannah Papp, my favorite new binge. Listen, I've always been active throughout my life, but I've struggled with an eating disorder and poor relationship with exercise. I've learned so much from listening to this podcast and it has truly helped transform my perspective and the way I view health and fitness.
00:03:53
There is truly so much overwhelming information out there concerning women's health and if you find yourself overwhelmed and burnt out, look no further than this podcast. Thank you so much, Hannah. My goal with this podcast is to truly give you tools, to give you realistic tips to help you walk away and feel like, okay, my tool belt is stacked with physical health ideas, mental health ideas, ways to improve my health, understanding differences of things that I feel like our society makes toxic or extreme. The way for example, a couple of weeks ago I said how people label carbs bad and I was able to break them down and explain when to use them. That is my goal.
00:04:31
So I am thankful for you guys being here. If you love the podcast, please let me know by writing a review or just leaving a review in general without writing it. You can just do the stars and let me know what you think. I'm even all down for criticism or things that you'd like to change. I'm all ears because I hope that, you know, we are in this together.
00:04:50
So it helps the podcast grow. It helps me know how to better communicate with you so that together we can be more empowered on whatever aspect that we are working on in our lives. Also, make sure you don't miss any episodes by making sure you are following or subscribed to the show. You can go to the top corner of the screen. Wherever you listen, tap it down and it will either say subscribe or Follow.
00:05:13
That way every episode is automatically downloaded to your phone each week. And as we talk about goal setting and ways to improve our health in today's episode, I want to point out that a really simple way that I have personally been working on improving my health, which was something that I'm not always great at, is being always aware of my vitamins and minerals. And I do this by drinking AG. One. AG One is a foundational nutritional supplement that delivers comprehensive nutritional support for the whole body.
00:05:44
It replaces multivitamins, probiotics and more in just one simple drink. It's easy. I get up in the morning, I take my quiet time, I drink my AG One, I move on with the day. I don't have to overthink if I'm getting enough vitamins and minerals and all the things I need, because I know at least I'm getting a good boost first thing in the morning. I've also noticed that it has helped my gut health, which has made a huge difference for me.
00:06:09
You know, this podcast is all about making things simple and realistic. So if you're looking for a simple way to take more ownership of your health, try AG One. It is a great way to add some umph to your fitness routine and just make your health a little bit stronger in a simple way. Try AG One and get a free one year supply of vitamin D and five AG One travel packs. With your first purchase, go to Drinkagone.com Simple.
00:06:38
Again, that's Drinkag One Simple, and I will also add that link in the show notes. Okay, let's get into today's episode and talk about how we can make goal setting more effective and feeling empowered in our goals to actually reach them. My name is Andrea Allen , and I am a mother of four girls under seven, a wifey to a mountain man, a personal trainer and a nutrition coach. I love all things women's health and fitness, but let's face it, the fitness industry is complicated and it's not built for the everyday mom. There's so much conflicting information and you're busy and you don't have time to figure it out.
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I hate feeling confused and overwhelmed, so I've made it my mission to simplify health and fitness while creating a welcoming, realistic and empowering home for like minded women. I'm happy you're here and I hope you stay awhile.
00:07:33
Amanda, I'm super excited to have you on the podcast today. Thank you for taking the time to be here. Oh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much for having me. So tell us a little bit about your background because I have followed you on social media for a little while, and I love the way that you educate in this category.
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But how did you even get into goal setting and the field you're in? It's interesting because I feel like I've definitely had a very roundabout path to end up where I am. When I think back to being a kid, this was not at all what I envisioned doing. I thought I wanted to be a marine biologist. I thought I was going to win American Idol.
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So we both.
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Same page changed over time.
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And when I was a teenager in high school, I went through a clinical depression. It was very disruptive to my life. It interrupted my schooling. And after a few years of moving through that, I started to become interested in what was actually going on and most importantly, what agency I had within the situation. So I started to look into different wellness practices and psychology, and I just became very fascinated with where I could make an impact within my own well being internally.
00:09:01
And so that's where my interest in psychology really started. And when I got to college, I planned to become a teacher. I was a teacher for a little while, so I went into the education program. But I continued to maintain this interest in holistic wellness and psychology. I took some psychology classes.
00:09:21
I worked in the neuroscience lab, and I ended up double majoring in psych and education. And when I left college, I went into teaching. I was a teacher, mostly a kindergarten teacher. And I thought that my interest in psychology, my education in psychology, was really there to support my teaching. And over time, I kept seeking out additional resources within personal growth, within psychology.
00:09:51
And I came to realize that as much as I loved teaching, I loved working with kids, I really wanted my education background to be supportive of my psychology interest as my primary work. So I kind of did a little flip flop. And now I use the background in education and curriculum design to really support my work in psychology and goal setting and personal growth. And I went back to school to get my master's in clinical psych. And I just decided that that was the path that I wanted to follow.
00:10:25
And so where I've landed now is that I love to take concepts within psychology and within wellness and within neuroscience and make them as practical and actionable as possible for people. Because I realized that in the field of wellness for a long time, I think that the tide is turning on this now, but there was a lot of very well intentioned and perhaps even very inspiring content, but it wasn't necessarily based in the science, the psychological science. And on the flip side, there were these very dense papers that I was reading that had all of this research in it, but they just weren't accessible or interesting to most people, understandably so. And so what I try to do now is to bridge that gap and to take some of that research and make it as actionable for people to actually use in their lives today as possible. I love that.
00:11:26
So one of the things that you cover a lot is goal setting, as you kind of mentioned before. And in your experience, what are the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to goal setting. Because I know obviously on my podcast we talk heavily about health and fitness, but goal setting links through every facet of our life. And I do feel like people tend to feel like they're failing more than they're succeeding. So why is that happening?
00:11:51
And what are the mistakes we're making to make us feel like that? Yeah, I think that when we think about goals, the first really important thing for us to do is to differentiate between our dreams and our goals. Because I think a lot of times this language gets a little bit murky and that's where some of the confusion comes in. So when we're thinking about our dreams, those are the things that when we envision our future, when we're visualizing what we want and who we want to become, those are our really lofty, big dreams that we're being pulled towards, which is beautiful and wonderful and can be a wonderful source of motivation and inspiration. And on the other hand, I think that we need to treat goals as more tangible, more practical stepping stones that eventually get us to the end dream.
00:12:41
So our dreams we might not know from where we are right now exactly how we're going to get there. But I think that when we're trying to set up goals for ourselves, we need to be very intentional and deliberate about thinking about the scope that we're setting that goal in and using it as a purposeful, deliberate stepping stone just to that next step. And then we can move forward from there. So I think that when it comes to goal setting, it's very tempting to make our goals very unrealistic. And I don't say this to limit anybody again, I think that having these big huge dreams is wonderful.
00:13:20
And when it comes to actually setting our goals, it's important that we are very realistic about what we can do within our certain circumstances that we are in right now and that we're able to really set ourselves up for success. Because if you are setting a goal that just is not in harmony with the rest of your life, the rest of your responsibilities, the things that you have to get done, if you are setting a goal that just does not fit harmoniously into your life as it is right now, you are just setting yourself up to not be successful. So I think that that's the first thing is those unrealistic expectations can sometimes get in the way of us actually achieving our goals. Another one that I would say is setting too many goals. I think this is another thing that a lot of us fall into, is wanting to set as many goals as we can.
00:14:12
We see where we are, we see where we want to get to. And it feels comforting. I think for many of us to create a long list of things that we want to check off, a long list of goals, because it soothes us. It makes us feel like we have a plan to get to where we want to go. But unfortunately, when we set too many goals again, we are not making it realistic and practical for ourselves to actually take action in them.
00:14:41
And what winds up happening is that in the moment when we are dealing with all of the other life things and we have this entire list of goals that we are trying to work towards, if we don't take the time to prioritize them ahead of time and really narrow down to the few that are the most important right now. What winds up happening is that we put ourselves in this situation where in the moment, we're tired, we've had a long day of work, we maybe have to cook dinner for the kids or whatever it may be. And we're trying to in the moment with our exhausted brains, decide what we're going to spend our time on, which goal we're going to be working towards in the couple of minutes that we might have. And in that moment we're just not able to think clearly and to make the most effective decisions and the most effective progress and oftentimes we end up doing nothing. That lack of clarity leads us to just not doing anything.
00:15:36
So I think that being very realistic with what is possible for you right now within the time that you have the energy that you have, and then also taking the time, taking the energy to decide which goals you are going to focus on first? Which goals are going to make the biggest difference right now and prioritizing those instead of giving yourself a whole laundry list of things to do. I think that those are two of the biggest things that could make a big difference for people who feel like they're not as successful as they'd like to be with their goals. Those are two really good examples of things for people to be aware of and I would love to dive a little bit more into the limitations because I think sometimes we have very genuine limitations and then sometimes we have limiting beliefs. So can you explain the difference between both of those because they both affect our goals in a different way and we should be aware of that?
00:16:28
Yeah, I'm such a fan of this question because I think that a lot of times in the personal growth industry, in the health and wellness industry, there is this message that floats around that is meant to be very inspiring and perhaps it has a time and a place, but this message that you are your only limitation. All you need to do is put your head down and you can do anything that you set your mind to. And there is truth to that. But there's also the reality that we are living within certain circumstances, a certain context, other responsibilities. And sometimes that message that you are your only limitation can actually invalidate some of the other things that we have going on, and it can lead to a lot of overthinking ruminating.
00:17:19
I mean, talk about those cognitive distortions and the hustle culture. I mean, all of these things when we're not allowing ourselves to see with clarity where we are, what's going on, where we can make the biggest impact in our lives right now, when we're clouding over that with this? Kind of toxically positive message that you can do anything right now. You can do all of it right now. We aren't setting ourselves up for success.
00:17:49
So I think that really taking an honest look at what is holding you back. So if you do have a certain goal or something that you are looking to incorporate more of in your life, I think that a valuable question to ask yourself is why am I not already doing this? So that's a great place to start. Why am I not already doing this? And you can list out the reasons.
00:18:11
Maybe it's, I don't have enough time. I have to do this, I have to do that. I don't have the energy when I get home from work. I don't know what to do. And you can list those out, and you can start to parse apart, okay, what are the actual limited resources here?
00:18:27
Your time is limited. Your energy is limited. Some goals have certain financial constructs around them. There are resources that are limited. So you can start to parse those apart and see, okay, how much of these different resources do I actually have to give to dedicate to this goal at this time?
00:18:47
And then you can also see if there are some beliefs, some patterns, some paradigms coming through that might not be serving you as well. I think that oftentimes, for many people, it's both. I think both of these things are going on. Actual tangible limitations that we need to figure out how to work with and then limiting beliefs that we can look at and look at and try to move through in a way that actually addresses them, rather than trying to bulldoze through them with our teeth gritted and pure force, which we all know if we've ever tried. That doesn't last for long.
00:19:31
I'm trying to think of what else would be helpful around limiting beliefs. I think that when you do come up against a limiting belief that you recognize, I think always redirecting yourself to what is within your control is a very important place to begin. And then also thinking, what evidence? How did you come to this belief? So if you have a goal and you're seeing some impostor syndrome sneaking up around it, for example, where did this belief come from?
00:20:02
What evidence do you have to support this belief? What do you tell yourself about this? What are you speaking to yourself about this? And then just gently trying to see if there is any evidence in the other direction. Maybe you're trying to start a podcast and you have this self talk, this belief that nobody wants to listen to you, you don't know what you're talking about.
00:20:26
Maybe you can gently sit with it and remember that your sister in law called you yesterday for some advice about something because she really appreciates your perspective and the way that you frame things. Just gently starting to shift the narrative a little bit, I think is a very important approach to take rather than, again, trying to bulldoze through it. So recognizing the actual limitations, being realistic with the goals that you're setting up around them, and then allowing these limiting beliefs to arise and gently working with them, seeing if you can find evidence in the other direction, and allowing yourself to imagine who you would be and what actions you'd be taking if you didn't have those beliefs. As you're talking, I actually was thinking about different situations where possibly I know someone or I've experienced a genuine limitation compared to a limiting belief. And I thought about my sister in law.
00:21:25
My sister in law has a child with special needs and there's a lot of needs there. And her abilities to have free time to work out are not the same as my abilities. She needs to be hands on, eyes on a lot. If she leaves her child alone, like last week, she will instantly cut her hair. She does all kinds of different things.
00:21:44
So that is a genuine, to me, slightly different limitation than I experienced. This is also why you shouldn't look around, because obviously our situations are different. That is a real limitation. On the flip side, a limiting belief for her would be, well, now I don't have any time. I have zero time to ever work out because I have this child with special needs and she still doesn't look at it that way.
00:22:07
She's like, you know what? She has special needs. She needs a lot of attention based on her situation. So she decided to get certified in Zumba. And now she I don't know why I'm getting emotional about this.
00:22:18
I'm so proud of her. And now she's teaching a special needs class where she teaches the special needs class how to do Zumba. And I'm like, what a great way to take something that she saw as a limitation and then she could have seen as a limiting belief, well, now I can't have time for myself, and then shifted it into, no, I do, I just have to look at it different. This doesn't need to be a limiting belief. I can still do this.
00:22:44
I can still care for myself, and I can still do it in my situation. So I wanted to share that because I think that's a great example and even in some ways a little bit more of an extreme example of taking a limitation, recognizing it, being okay with it, but not allowing it to limit your abilities, just finding a different way around that. And I feel like that's a pretty good example of both and making it work. And even if she hadn't done the Zuma class, she's like, I figured out that I can do 20 minutes when she eats breakfast. I can't do 45 minutes because it's too much going on, but I can do 20 minutes when she's eating breakfast.
00:23:19
And she just had to figure out how to make it work and not let it limit her on the opposite side just because it was a limitation. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. That is such a beautiful and perfect example of this concept because it really is. When we recognize genuine limitations, we don't even have to call them limitations, but genuine circumstances in our lives and we're able to see them with clarity, then we can also see with clarity where our agency does lie.
00:23:49
And instead of bumping up against the circumstances that we don't have control over again and again and exhausting ourselves where there is nothing we can do about something, we're able to use that and work with it and create something even more beautiful and certainly find our ability to move forward in other ways. So having that clarity, being able to look honestly at where we're at and where our control does lie, is the only way forward. Totally. And that was a big goal for her to be able to work out regularly, and she figured out her way around that. So as we talk a little bit even more about goal setting and we kind of see the difference between real limitations or situations and limiting beliefs, you often also talk about self discipline mindset versus a management mindset.
00:24:41
What is the difference? Because I feel like that is a key piece to being effective in our goals as well. Yeah, and this is another one where the language really matters. So it doesn't even so much matter what we call it, whether we call it self discipline or self management. The reason that I like to use the term self management as opposed to self discipline.
00:25:01
Not that I never use the term discipline or self discipline, but I think that there is a lot of language and a lot of a more hustle grind kind of energy around the word discipline just after years of people sharing about it. And I think that when it comes to doing things that we don't necessarily want to do or we aren't yet in the practice of doing, and we want to be more disciplined around them again, it's really not about in many cases, it's not about gritting your teeth and forcing your way through it. Because that might work for a little while, but it's not sustainable. And so what we really want to do is look at the other areas of control that we have. And so that's what I call self management.
00:25:49
And the things that I encourage people to look at when they are trying to be more disciplined or increase their self management is three things actually. The first being mental readiness. So instead of just showing up and trying to grind your way through something, start with the mental preparation. So how can you get clarity on the task ahead of time, knowing exactly what it is that you plan to do? So, depending on the goal that you have, this is going to look different if it is an exercise or a physical movement goal, knowing exactly what movements you're going to do, what type of strength training you're going to do, what video you're going to follow ahead of time, knowing with clarity what steps need to be taken.
00:26:34
If you have another goal, let's say to open an etsy shop, having a clear outline of what you need to do is the best place to start. So understanding what needs to be done is the first step. The next step is really thinking about delayed gratification. So again, not in a way where you're just gritting your teeth and forcing yourself through, but deliberately and intentionally and lovingly directing your attention to both the short and the long term benefits of the thing that you're trying to do. So a lot of times we think only of the short term benefits of the thing that we're trying to steer ourselves away from, the comfort of the couch, the comfort of the Netflix, whatever it may be.
00:27:19
And we think of the long term benefits of the things that we want to do, perhaps working out, getting into a consistent exercise routine, something like that. We think of the long term benefits, but in the moment it doesn't feel like enough to overpower the short term gratification. Long term seems far away. It's like when you have an assignment you're like, that's due in two weeks, I'm not doing it until one day before. And so sometimes the goals, the long term, it seems exciting, but the long term also isn't motivating.
00:27:53
You know what I mean? Totally. And not for nothing, our brains are wired for that immediate gratification. We wanted to do what led to immediate survival. So when we have these things that feel so compelling in the moment, it is very, very hard for us to just will ourselves in another direction.
00:28:16
So being very intentional about using your mindset, using your thinking time to think through and notice what the short term benefits of doing the thing that you want to do actually are. Perhaps after you exercise or after you meditate, you get this sense of mental calm. Can you bring your attention to that? Can you expand it? Can you really take the time to savor it and to notice it so that you are reinforcing those short term benefits?
00:28:47
And of course, thinking about the long term benefits can. Also be motivating. But again, it's really a both and situation here. We can't just ignore the short term benefits of what we're trying to get ourselves to do. So the mental readiness, knowing with clarity what we need to do, not leaving any room for confusion, being able to delay gratification by being very intentional about the way that we're thinking about it and then finally is developing systems around the goal that we're trying to set or the habit we're trying to build.
00:29:20
So thinking through accountability systems, different forms of accountability work for different people. Some people respond really well to internal accountability. They really are able to keep themselves accountable. Some people respond better to external accountability where they really need something external, even something as simple as their calendar that they've written it down in or an accountability budy for a lot of people, I've noticed it's a combination of both some inner accountability, some outer external accountability. But thinking through that and really taking the time to notice what works for you, notice what doesn't work for you, and intentionally setting up those systems ahead of time and also thinking through the environment that you're in.
00:30:06
So again, it's going to depend on what type of goal or habit you're trying to build but trying as much as you can to add friction between you and the thing that you do not want to do. Adding as many steps, as many even tiny little annoying steps. I've heard the example of if you want to watch less TV, put your TV remote up on the highest shelf and it seems so simple. Why would that stop you from grabbing the remote and watching the TV? I don't know.
00:30:37
But something about it just being slightly more out of reach does make you think twice about it. You really have to put in that little bit of extra effort. So adding friction where you don't want to do something and then removing as much friction as possible between you and what you do want to do. So whether that's laying out running clothes the night before, whether it's setting up the guitar that you want to practice, leaving it out of its case, ready to go, removing as many steps between you and the thing that you're trying to do as possible is a really important way to develop systems. And then the last tip that I often give people within this last point of developing systems is to create what I call a get back on track routine.
00:31:25
So a get back on track routine varies from person to person and it takes a little bit of trial and error to figure it out for yourself. But it's essentially created with the knowledge that staying on track all the time is just impossible. I mean, unless you're it's not doable even the most, the most disciplined people that you see they are not on track 100% of the time. But what they do have is a really good get back on track routine. Whether they call it that or not, they know what to do to get themselves back on track.
00:32:02
So oftentimes for people, depending on the situation, some form of kind of changing your physical state, whether that's taking a shower to brush off the beginning of the day, or moving your body to change your physical state, something like that can help kind of give you a fresh start. Oftentimes some form of looking at something that you find inspiring can help. It really depends on the person. But figuring out what you need in order to wipe away the past day, the past week, the past month, where you haven't been on track, where you want to go and to get yourself back on track. And that's something that I talk a lot more about on Instagram and stuff like that.
00:32:47
But yeah, those are really the three things around self management, is the mental readiness, delaying gratification and developing systems. And that is how you allow yourself to move with the momentum. When you're working towards goals, when you're working towards new habits, it should not feel like you are pushing a boulder up a hill the entire time. You want to find ways as much as possible to work with the gravity, with the momentum, so that you're not just gritting against it the entire time. I love that you call it management because to me, discipline feels and this is just me, it feels more cut and dry.
00:33:26
Like you either are disciplined or you aren't. You are in or you are out. And that mindset doesn't really work. That's the all or nothing mindset. So I love that you call it management because management is simply creating steps.
00:33:38
I'm going to manage my morning. Like, take everything out. I'm going to manage my morning. I'm going to wake up. Like you said, there's workout clothes out.
00:33:45
I have planned to work out at 730. I have planned to lift legs. I have planned the exercises. And then possibly instead of thinking long term benefits, I'm like, oh, I really enjoy after my workout to have a yummy sweet fruit. I love to eat like watermelon or something fruit afterwards.
00:34:05
I enjoy simple carb after my workout and I really enjoy that and being like, oh, when I'm done with my workout, I'm going to have my simple carb. I'm going to sit outside and get some fresh air for five minutes. It's a perfect way of keeping it simple, keeping it small, keeping it manageable. Because you said the biggest mistake people make is they make these lofty things and they forget like it's tiny steps. So when she says self management, make it manageable and make a plan with it.
00:34:30
And I think that's such a great deal. And I love that you pointed out to wash away whatever happened. I think people love to guilt and shame themselves when they fall off track. No matter what it is, whether it's they're trying to save for finances, they're trying to eat healthier, they're trying to exercise, whatever the goal, they shame themselves when they can't do it perfectly. And you're saying, no shame, no guilt, wash it away and keep going.
00:34:53
Absolutely. And that's a really easy one. You can have a simple one as even like, you know what? I didn't have a great night today. Maybe you really overeat.
00:35:01
Go on a walk with your spouse and just have a friendly conversation. It instance a shift, wash it away, nothing big. No shame, no guilt. Just change it to the scenery is different, change the mood, enjoy the company and move on. I love asking the question, how can I introduce more ease into this situation?
00:35:21
If I'm feeling tense, I'm feeling frustrated at myself. Where can I find the ease? And leaning into that ease again. And this isn't just giving into the short term gratification, but finding genuine ways to introduce more ease, to feel just a little bit looser, a little bit lighter. Leaning into that can often lead us back on track to where we want to go.
00:35:48
That makes complete sense because I do feel like we try to make everything complicated and perfect, and that's not how anything works. Nothing is perfect and everything is complicated. So let's not make it complicated and let's just draw the steps back. I always like to tell people, you don't climb a mountain with one leap, tons of tiny, tiny steps. You sit down, you drink water, you might stop and eat lunch.
00:36:12
There's all kinds of things. You might trip over a boulder on the way up the mountain. That's all normal. You might even stub your toe. There's all kinds of things that happen.
00:36:21
And for some reason, on journeys outside, on a hike outside, that makes sense to us. But on a mental journey with a goal, we just shame ourselves for, like, oh my gosh, you stubbed your toe. How could you? And it's the same. It just happens.
00:36:37
It's okay. Yes. So how can you think about it in a way where you're giving yourself that grace and setting up your life and the systems around you in a way that helps kind of move you along, kind of like bumper rails in bowling? How can you set up those things that you can swerve a little bit, but you're still headed in the direction you want to be headed in? Yes.
00:36:57
So let's talk about some effective ways to do that, to monitor our goal and our progress without becoming negative. Because I think often when we're monitoring it and it's not panning out the way we want, we instantly become negative and beat ourselves down for it. And then all of a sudden, we are like abandoned ship, abandon the goal. It makes me feel bad, I can't do this. So how do we avoid that but still monitor it?
00:37:23
It's such an interesting thing. And it's such a common question that people wonder when they're starting on any sort of health, wellness, goal setting journey. And I would say that my favorite routine that I recommend for everyone. And that is a big statement because I am a huge proponent of the idea that there is no one size fits all. You have to take everything and apply it to yourself.
00:37:49
So it's very rare that I recommend one thing for everybody, but one of those things that I believe would be supportive to everyone is to do some sort of weekly review. And this can look drastically different from person to person. But the idea is that you are taking time to reflect on how the last week has been since you did your last weekly review and then redirect yourself. I actually, in my programs, call it a reflect and redirect session. So you're taking the time, take stock of where you're at, and you redirect yourself moving forward.
00:38:25
I love that because it's not a scoreboard. I think people try to do a scoreboard at the end of the week. They're like, okay, I got so many points on this site, so many, okay, I lost this week. And you're saying, no, we reflect and we redirect. It's not about what we lost in one or how good we did.
00:38:40
I love that you pointed that out. Absolutely. And I was thinking there's this popular saying, I don't even know who first said it, but it's this idea that a rocket fails its way to the moon. And the idea is that the rocket doesn't I mean, I'm not a rocket scientist, but theoretically the rocket doesn't start off and just go on one straight path the entire way to the moon. It is constantly getting a little bit off track because of the weather, the different forces acting on it.
00:39:10
And then it sets itself back on track and it's just this continual process of something throws it off track a little bit and it just redirects itself back on track. And it is the same thing with us to the point that you were making before. We can't expect perfection out of ourselves or our journeys. And when we go into any sort of goal setting journey with the expectation that we are going to be on a straight path the entire time, we are only setting ourselves up not only for disappointment, but actually for not succeeding in the long run because we're not going to know how to handle those hiccups. So instead, I recommend having this weekly practice.
00:39:48
Some people I know do it every other week. I really think that weekly is really valuable. But of course, find the rhythm that works best for you and you just take a look at how did the last week go? I love to ask the questions, what's working and what's not working? So what's working?
00:40:07
My relationship with my partner is going really well. We're really supporting each other. My bedtime, I've been sticking to it. I've had a lot of sleep. It's keeping me energized what's working well and then what's not working.
00:40:21
And this can be as simple as there's a jammed drawer in my desk, and it's so annoying, and I am just not taking two minutes to fix it. And it's just creating frustration for me. It can be a big thing. It can be a little thing like that. But what's not working right now?
00:40:36
Then you look at those two things, and you decide for the week, moving forward, what am I going to change? What am I going to continue? And what little action steps do I want to take? You look again at your bigger goal that you have, and you figure out, okay, in the next week, just the next couple of days, what am I going to do to get myself there? And you just do it every week.
00:40:57
You acknowledge yourself for what you've done. You celebrate your wins. You figure out what's not working. You don't sweat it. You just slowly, gently get yourself back on track again and again and again.
00:41:08
And that is the only way to reach a bigger goal, because you will fall off track. And the only way to actually get to where you want to go is to build that redirection into the entire system that you're working within. I love that you pointed out first to include what's working and what's not. Because I think when we self evaluate at the end of the week, we're like, okay, what I do wrong? That's where we focus.
00:41:32
Yes. What failed? And you're saying, no, what went well and what didn't? I know with clients on our check in forms, which we do weekly, we ask them, what were your victories this week? What were your non skill victories?
00:41:43
What did you do right? What do you want to work on? Because we do want to remind people you're always winning on some things every single week. You got to remember those wins. And it's okay to recognize, as you said, what we want to adjust, but don't overly focus on what we want to adjust, because that's how it becomes negative.
00:42:01
We need to include what's working, as you pointed out, so possibly to list those even first. I love that you even pointed that out first, because it even puts you in a better mindset where you've just gone through and listed all the things that are going well, which instantly, when you do that, it almost improves your mood. And now you're in a positive spot to be like, okay, now here's what I want to adjust instead of starting so negative. And then you're like, Well, I guess I drink water this week. So I love that you pointed that out to start with those positives.
00:42:33
Yes. And I think it's also valuable, especially when you are starting to implement something like, this is to not just do it every week, but do it every day. Just take 2 seconds to think about what went well. Because I promise, if you are new to this, your brain is not trained to notice your own wins and to celebrate those. So you have to continually remind yourself to notice those wins.
00:42:58
And then over time, you actually do change your brain. Structurally, literally, your brain changes and you pick up on those things more often and it just sets you up to continue moving in that direction in the future. So do the weekly review weekly, but notice your wins daily so that when you do your weekly review, you aren't left blank, only thinking about what you didn't get done. Yes. Three cheers over here for that one.
00:43:23
I have just loved this conversation. And as we sum it up, I do want to ask you, what do you wish everybody understood about goal setting? I think that if I could put out one message, it would be that it doesn't need to be complicated and it doesn't need to be this entire life change. You don't have to overhaul everything. It really, really, truly is the small little changes, the little shifts that we make.
00:43:54
It sounds so cliche, but it truly is the truth that the direction that we're pointing ourselves in just a fraction of a degree of a different direction that we're moving in, in the end we end up in a completely different place. So don't look at where you are now and where you want to go and think that you need to change everything all at once. Start with the foundation. What is going to make other goals easier? What is going to make other habits easier?
00:44:24
Is it starting with addressing your sleep? Is it starting with addressing your movement? What is going to give you more energy to keep moving in the right direction? Keep it simple, especially at the beginning. Go back to the foundation and really look for those low hanging fruits, so to speak.
00:44:39
What is going to take the least amount of effort and give you the biggest impact, especially at the beginning. Don't overcomplicate it, just start moving 1ft in front of the other, in the right direction. And over time, in not a lot of time, you will look back and realize what a different place you are actually in. It's hard to see the changes day to day, but you look back after a month, after two months, and you think, oh my gosh, I am really in a better place than I was before and I have so much more inside of me now, so much more energy, so much more inspiration to continue moving forward. The compound effect is so real and I could not have said that any better.
00:45:22
Those tiny steps start small, build on, and you'll be amazed. As you said, those tiny redirects, that is just amazing. I wish people could grasp that, so I'm so glad you pointed that out. Amanda, where can we find you so. You can find me on Instagram.
00:45:38
I post a lot of little graphics with different information and strategies and tools that you can use. I am also very active on my membership site. It's called The State of Self Membership, and it's really focused on not just achieving what you want to achieve, but becoming the person that you need to become in order to have the life that you want. So thinking about things like your core values, your personal strengths, how do you harness these things to be the person you need to be? So I'm very active in there.
00:46:15
I also have a YouTube channel that I am planning to be more active on in the future, and my website is thesimplywell.com. I love it. And you have a couple freebies, too. What are your freebies that you have? I do.
00:46:28
One of the ones that I think this community might be especially interested in is called Habit Hacks for Hectic Lives. It's one of my newest resources and it is intended for anybody who feels like, oh, gosh, I don't have any time. My schedule is so jampacked. How can I possibly fit any new habits into my life as it is right now? It's really intended to help you with little strategies that you can incorporate into a very packed life to start to shift your habits in the direction that you want to shift them.
00:47:03
Perfect. So I will be downloading that after this call, as will everybody as you're talking about. Yes.
00:47:12
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I hope so much that you are walking away from today's episode feeling like you can do this, feeling like whatever your goals are, you can get there. I love how Amanda said, take tiny steps, make a simple plan, manage yourself, stop beating yourself up over doing it perfectly. We don't need self discipline.
00:47:35
We just need a management plan to wash off mistakes and move on and to just be realistic but not limiting in our beliefs. If you feel like you are trying to reach a goal and you don't know how to get there, I encourage you to write down, as she mentioned, what you can do and what you truly can't do and make. Sure that they are genuine limitations that you can work around or that you are not just assuming you can't do something with a limiting belief. Please be patient with yourself and your goals. Please know they take time.
00:48:05
My favorite image ever, and I share it with clients often is it shows a start line and a finish line. And what people think with their goals is a start line. Is that straight line like she talked about with the rocket? We assume the rocket is straight flying to the moon, but what's really happening is there's little tiny deviations all over. The rocket could be going in circles for all we know.
00:48:25
It's going left, it's going right, it's coming back, it's doing all kinds of things, but it ends up where it needs to. As long as it redirects, as long as it makes a plan, that management plan. As long as it doesn't, and really it doesn't. I'm saying you don't beat yourself up. As long as you see the positive in the journey, as long as you recognize what you're doing right and then make tiny tweaks along the way.
00:48:46
I know you can do it. Whatever your goals are, I know you can get there. But you have to get there effectively, realistically, and with tiny steps. I love you. I mean it.
00:48:57
And as always, you are doing so much better than you think you are. All right. We'll chat next week.