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Welcome back. I am glad you're here today because I think today's episode is really, really important and I can be honest and say that it's a fine line that we all walk and we all need to be aware of. And the more we are aware of it, the better we can be at making sure we're walking on the right side of the line and not falling into compare black holes we don't need to be in and they truly are not empowering us. I'm going to keep today's episode short and brief because I want to just make a couple of points and I want you to take note of those points and be aware of your own habits and your connection to different things in your life and what side of that line you are walking. If you are having issues with comparison.
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And when I'm talking about comparison, I'm talking about the negative side of comparison. Like comparison looking up, not comparison looking down. Or if you are actually learning from others. I'm going to break this down and give you some ideas of how to recognize the difference. Because knowing the difference is going to make all the difference in your mental health, your self confidence, your self esteem and so much more.
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And on top of that, we can't forget that our kids are watching. So if you are saying things or doing things and you're on the wrong side of this line, we can teach those kids the same habits, which we want to avoid. So I think being able to break apart the difference between are we comparing to people or are we learning from people makes a massive difference in our ability to grow as individuals. Also, I highly suggest listening to episode 79. It is titled is Comparison hurting your progress?
00:01:49
That episode is going to go right along with what we're talking about today. And I would almost consider today a part two of that, where I dive a little bit deeper into the emotion and the difference. Because I think a lot of times we get confused between, oh, I'm following this for motivation, this account for motivation, or I'm following it for inspiration. And then we find ourselves feeling discouraged and I'm going to explain the difference and how to be aware of that. And if today's episode is helpful for you, please let me know.
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Leave the podcast a review. I love to hear from you and don't forget to share it with your friends, on social media and with your family. As always, you don't want to miss an episode. I love talking to you, so make sure that you are subscribed or you follow. Make it simple so that every single episode gets downloaded directly to your phone every single Wednesday.
00:02:38
Today I want to give a little shout out to Christina Thompson. It's titled Om goodness. I have been following Andrea on IG for some time and she is full of great information, but I love that she shows modifications for her exercise moves, which I always do, if you follow me on social media, I always try to give modifications. Anyway, I started following the podcast a while back and never listened. I accidentally hit play on one of the episodes, and, oh, my goodness, it is a podcast I have been needing forever.
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Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and helping us women out there that didn't know I had pelvic floor issues until I was going to you. You are so welcome, Christina. Thank you so much for the review, and it helps keep the podcast going, so I really appreciate it. And before we get into today's episode, I do want to point out that, you know, I am a big fan of sleep. It makes such a huge difference in so many aspects of your life.
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And I know it's really complicated to get as a mother and truly even just an adult in general. So one thing you can do that can help is get some high quality, comfortable sheets. And this is why I am a massive fan of Cozy Earth. We have used their products for two years now. We have their bedding, they have pillows, they have blankets, they have pajama wear, and it's made out of viscose bamboo, and it's also temperature regulating.
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They were on Oprah's Favorite Things list in 2018, and they have such a lengthy warranty. It's so awesome. So you have plenty of time to test it out and make sure they are a fit for you. They're breezy, they're timeless, they're comfortable. They are just so nice, especially if you and your husband run, like, slightly different.
00:04:12
They're just so soft, and they do kind of help regulate the temperature a little bit. Cozy Earth has provided an exclusive offer for my listeners today for 40% off site wide. If you use the code simple 40, again, simple 40, 40% off, you will not regret anything you buy from there. In fact, when we have to change our sheets and I have to go to another set, I'm like, oh, my gosh, we need to buy another set of Cozy Earth sheets because I hate when we have to use the in between sheets because I love my cozy sheets so much. Again, simple 40% off.
00:04:43
Cozy Earth. All right, let's get into today's episode and talk about the fine line between comparing and learning from others. My name is Andrea Allen , and I am a mother of four girls under seven, a wifey to a mountain man, a personal trainer, and a nutrition coach. I love all things in women's health and fitness, but let's face it, the fitness industry is complicated, and it's not built for the everyday mom. There's so much conflicting information, and you're busy and you don't have time to figure it out.
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I hate feeling confused and overwhelmed, so I have made it my mission to simplify health and fitness while creating a welcoming, realistic and empowering home for like minded women. I'm happy you're here and I hope you stay awhile.
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So I actually want to start this episode with how this topic was born. And it was born from a situation that I was in myself and emotions that I started to notice myself and it really got me thinking about the difference and how it really mattered that I was focusing on the right thing when I was trying to learn from others. So we've been trying to build this app for a while and it's taken a lot of brain power and a lot of work. And as my business has grown, I look to other accounts and other businesses and I see how they're doing things and that's a very normal thing if you think about it. We follow other fitness accounts, we follow organization accounts, we follow other influencers, it's all very normal.
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And one night I found myself looking at a couple of other accounts and I was getting great ideas. I love to learn from other people. So I was feeling really great. I was writing down notes of things I wanted to do. It was triggering ideas in my own business and I was just feeling really empowered by learning.
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And all of a sudden it took a turn. And I don't really know what made it take a turn. But I found myself as I started 1015 minutes in, I found as I was learning, eventually it shifted into comparison. And before I realized it, I was noting things that I was missing in my business or things I might not have been doing with my family, or things I might not be very good at. And it changed the entire emotion.
00:07:05
And it was such an interesting situation because I had these two polar opposites of one where I was focused on learning and I felt amazing getting ideas and the other one I was feeling sad and negative and I realized, oh, I've gone down a black hole of comparison, shut my phone, move on with my life. And I think we've all been there. I'm not going to pretend I haven't. Obviously I just told you a story where I have, but I'm sure you've been there as well. And I thought about this a lot and how that shift happened and I recognized a couple of things that I've always remembered and I've worked on since.
00:07:41
That situation happened a ways back and I'm very aware of it now and I want to share that with you. So as you are working on fitness, finances, organization, whatever it is, that you can also focus on growing and learning over comparison. So the first thing I noticed is when you are focused on learning, you are focused on what you can gain if you shift into comparison. And again, I'm referring to the comparison where we are looking up instead of looking down, where we're thinking someone's better than us. When you shift into comparison, you're focusing on what you lack.
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So we have the learning is gaining, it's positive, it's empowering. Comparison is what we lack, it's negative, it's actually very demotivating where we feel down. And that is partly how when you're trying to follow an account or listen to a friend, or learn from a podcast or whatever it is, think about what you are doing. Are you focusing on what you lack as you watch the social media, or listen to the podcast or talk to your friend, or are you focusing on what you are learning? What you can gain, what you can implement into your life, what you can add, those are all very positive.
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So that's number one. Are you focusing on gain or lack? Now, the best way and the best tip I have to help you recognize this is the emotion that is carried as you are watching or listening to whatever you are doing. For example, in my situation, when I started from a learning standpoint to get ideas and I got excited, I thought about adjusting some of the things I was doing, which made me feel empowered and Gidy. I got ideas and wanted to write them down and implement them the next day.
00:09:38
How I could adapt something I was doing or make it better. All of those are things that happen when we're learning and growing and developing and we're looking at people who are maybe a couple of steps ahead of us and we're like oh, that's such a good idea, I can do that. And it makes us feel empowered. All of those are empowering. All of those help you develop, they grow your abilities and they help you progress.
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When you shift into comparison, on the other hand, we're looking at someone who maybe is a couple of steps ahead of us in whatever we're watching. And instead of trying to focus on what we can add into our lives and seeing it as empowerment, we might shift into that comparison and we start to feel sad or we start to notice things that we don't have. You feel like you can't keep up or you're less than and you start to just feel discouraged and down and then it can easily put you down a spiral. When we shift from learning to comparison, it generates all kinds of emotions that aren't helpful and most of the time they are self beliefs that aren't even true. When we focus on comparison, our self image and confidence take a hit.
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Jealousy and fear of getting behind or missing out starts to really set in and we think about taking shortcuts or quick fix. We might feel anger or resentment towards whatever we're looking at or we might just feel guilt and shame emerge because we're comparing and we think we're less than. When I say it's a fine line between learning and comparing, it is because I told you my own story of it started as learning and it shifted. So the best way to stay on that right side of the road with learning is to pay attention to your emotions. When you are trying to learn or watch something, you are better off shutting it down and moving on.
00:11:32
If you shift into comparison because you can't learn and you can't grow, if you're beating yourself up in that moment because you won't feel empowered, it's demotivating, as I mentioned. Now, these examples can literally weave through anything. It can be in fitness as I mentioned. It can be in organization, it can be in lifestyle, it can be in finances, truly anything. And I'm going to give you a couple of quick examples.
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If you are following fitness accounts and you see account that pulls up and you get excited because you see a move you haven't done before, or they give you an idea of how to use a piece of equipment, or it's a great workout that you're like, oh, I could do that workout tomorrow. It's not too long and it makes you excited and you save it. That is perfect. That is perfect. You are learning from that fitness account.
00:12:23
That is what you want. That is why you follow them. If you see a post scroll by your feed and it's a workout and all of a sudden you feel like your body doesn't compare to theirs, or your abilities don't compare or you're less than because you don't have that piece of equipment or whatever it is, whether that's true or not, it doesn't matter. Because you've just created self limiting beliefs and a poor concept of reality, because that might not even be correct. Maybe you don't have that piece of equipment, but it doesn't make it impossible for you to work that muscle.
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But you've just told yourself I don't have that piece of equipment, so I can't do it. I'm less than. When you do that, you shift out of the learning and the motivation and you shift into the comparison and self loathing and deprecation and that is where it starts hurting our mental health. So as you go through, if you follow up fitness accounts, what emotion are you feeling when their posts pop up? If every time they pop up you're feeling empowered and you're getting ideas perfect.
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If every once in a while you're getting ideas but most of the time you feel like OOH, I just feel intimidated or it just makes me feel bad about myself. You can unfollow people. I talk about this a lot and I really mean it. And that includes me. I had a friend one time tell me a story about a couple who got a babysitter and went to a play.
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And it was like a high school play, and they went to see a friend, but they rarely got a babysitter and they rarely went out. And they finally went out on a date, and about halfway through the play, they were like, this play is really bad. They were like, this is not a good play. This is not a good play. It's not very good.
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Now, other parents in the audience probably thought the play was fantastic. They were recording it and they had bouquets of flowers to give their kids and they thought it was great. But this couple did not. They were like, this play is not very good. And they realized, you know what, this is not benefiting us.
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We don't get to go out very much. We don't get to spend time alone with our kids. And so at intermission they left. They left. That's what I want to tell you.
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You don't have to stay. You don't have to stay somewhere. You don't need to stay following an account. You don't need to stay doing something if it is not benefiting you, benefiting your mental health, benefiting your physical health, benefiting your relationships. And if you're starting to compare, it really is hurting your mental health.
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So you do not have to stay. You can leave an intermission. You can unfollow people that are making you feel less than and it's maybe not even them. It might be an emotion that you need to work on within. And that's also why I always suggest seeing a therapist because I think it's helpful.
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But in the meantime, you can leave at intermission. That is okay. You are not set in stone doing some of the things you do. And you really have to think about am I learning or am I comparing? And do I just need to leave at intermission and be okay with that?
00:15:09
The next thing that I want to mention because I have told you that you can unfollow people as that is one of the best ways to move out of comparison and try to avoid it. But sometimes we fall in it and it doesn't even have to do with social media. Maybe it has to do with an interaction with a friend or a family member or neighbor or online, any of the above. We still need to learn to shift out of that comparison mode where we are feeling less than. Because often once we shift into it, it shifts our mood, it shifts our day, it shifts the way we act with our kids.
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It shifts our interactions with other people. And we need to shift out of that. It's really important. So a couple of quick tips on how to shift out of that. Number one, if you're shifting out of learning from someone into comparison, you need to shift your activity right away.
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If you continue to dig that hole, it's going to get darker and it's going to get deeper and you're going to feel worse. You need to shut it down. You need to get off your phone. You need to stop talking to the person you're talking to and just say, hey, I got to go and move on. If you're daydreaming about something that is maybe making you feel bad, I guess it's not really daydreaming because it doesn't feel good.
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But if you're processing something and comparing in your head in a situation, you need to find an activity to do to keep your mind busy. You've got to shift out, not just walking away, but fully going into a different activity. For me, my big one is walking outside or going to a fully different task or starting in a conversation with my kids because I never know what they're going to say and I'm going to pay attention to it, but it's going to shift me out of whatever I'm doing. And it's even the same thing. Sometimes when I'm interacting with clients and I can tell they're in this downward spiral, I will try to shift them out of it.
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Because if I can get them out, it's going to help them crawl out of that hole and be like, oh, it's not so bad. I'm making things worse, and move on and start to notice their strengths and abilities, which is my second big tip. You have to highlight your strengths, abilities and accomplishments. I know this is really hard for some people because we are so good at putting ourselves down, which breaks my heart. When I interact with our clients, I think in general I want to say the female population, but that's probably just because that's mainly what I work with.
00:17:22
And I could be males too. But in general we are so good at pointing out all the things that are wrong with us and so bad about pointing out all the things that are good with us most of the time. Sometimes I want to tell people like stop being humble. You need to appreciate all the things you do for yourself. Like obviously being humble is good, but we need to recognize our strengths and abilities along the way.
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One of the ways to shift out of that comparison is you need to stop dwelling on your missteps or shortcomings or the idea that you're less than and you need to shift into all of your highlights of your strengths and your accomplishments and your talents. I don't even care if you keep a little note in your phone. If it is hard for you to recognize those, I do suggest you take time and make a little list. And if you really feel that down that you don't know if you can make that list, ask someone close to you who loves you, a friend, a spouse, a mother, a sister, anyone. Ask them what your strengths are and write them down and remember them because that's really important.
00:18:27
When we highlight our own strengths and accomplishments, it helps us build our self confidence and it bolsters us to keep going and not to feel down and to fall into those black holes of comparison and to realize we're unique. We have amazing things about ourselves and amazing talents, and we don't need to compare. My third tip for if you do fall down that comparison hole, go outside, put down whatever you're doing. As I mentioned, stop talking to whoever you're talking to and go outside. I talked about this in the stress management episode.
00:19:03
I talk about this a lot. I've talked about this when I'm feeling overwhelmed, that I love to go on walks. It is my favorite. It helps me see the big picture. It helps me step outside of myself and take note of the things around me and just to get the fresh air.
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I think it makes such a difference because when comparison is eating you up, if you don't shift, it will continue to eat you up. And going outside gives you that change of scenery instantly. Even if you literally go to the mailbox and get the mail or go and trim your flowers or do whatever you need to do. That's one of my guilty pleasures. I like to go outside and trim my roses.
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It keeps me busy and I enjoy it and I get fresh air and I just really enjoy it. So go outside if you fall on the wrong side of that line between learning and comparison, because it'll help shift you out and highlight those strengths, and you'll be able to move on and realize you're amazing. You are amazing. I truly hope this episode is helpful for you. And I hope you remember when you are doing things that we are trying to learn from people, we are not trying to compare to people.
00:20:04
We are focusing on what we learn, which allows us to focus on what we gain from following other people who are a couple of steps ahead of us in whatever road we're looking at. And if we are focusing on comparison, we're focusing on that lack, and that's never going to help us feel good or progress in whatever you're trying to work on. I love you. I mean it. And truly, you are doing so much better than you think you are.
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All right, we'll chat next week.