Let's talk about one of my favorite hashtags Widow Strong and how we feel about being told how strong we are as widows . Now , I have seen this go two different ways and I can honestly say that I feel differently now about this than I did when my husband had died back in 2018 . This than I did when my husband had died back in 2018 .
How can being told you are so strong be taken as offensive but also be considered as an accomplishment ? The difference is the mindset of the person at the time of hearing it , of the person at the time of hearing it and , as a widow . In the acute stages of grief , we are mostly angry and feeling hopeless .
So when someone says you are so strong , we tend to get offended by these words and twist them into something negative and shameful . I know because that was also me when my husband , tom , first died . I certainly did not feel strong . As a matter of fact , I felt weak and very embarrassed by that .
By that , these words you are so strong also make us feel pressured to be strong , which actually stops us from being vulnerable and it stops us from sharing our true feelings . Why do we let these words you are so strong hold us back ? Why do we let these words make us feel ashamed Ashamed to grieve publicly and share our true feelings ?
We could simply reply thank you , but I really don't feel strong right now . I feel lost and I'm struggling to keep it together . Thank you , but I really don't feel strong right now . I feel lost and I'm struggling to keep it together . But no , we stay quiet and we continue to minimize our pain for the sake of disappointing others .
Now there is a more positive way to look at the phrase . You are so strong . But it doesn't always happen right away . For me , it took years to accept this as positive , and we all know that it's hard for us , as widows , to express how we feel and what we need .
So let's just take a moment to understand the perspective of someone else when they say you are so strong . There was a time that you never experienced a loss tragic enough to empathize with someone else . You may have also struggled with the words to pay your respects or condolences .
You also know what it's like to worry if you're saying the right thing to someone , even if it's not pertaining to grief pertaining to grief . Even now . I struggle with talking about grief and death with some people . Even I , freeze and have no words . But ultimately I feel that others are trying their best to convey their condolences .
Now we can choose to believe their words are coming from a place of sympathy and compassion , but even more , I think what they're telling us is what they see . They are telling us what it looks like from their perspective . They see us as widows pretending to be strong , but what they don't know is it's all a facade .
The words you are so strong can also just be coming from a place of admiration . It can be seen simply as an encouraging statement to keep us going and nothing more . But here's the thing Grief has a way of transforming us . It's not about becoming stronger , but rather braver . When we navigate loss , we're faced with a journey of courage .
We are stepping into the unknown with each passing day . Bravery isn't about being fearless . It's about acknowledging our pain and choosing to move forward despite it . You may not feel it and you may not see it , but you are getting stronger each day .
Every day you wake up after losing the love of your life , you are stronger Every time you make it through another day . You are stronger Every time you smile from a memory of your person . You are stronger . Every time you find a moment of joy . You are stronger . Every time you shed a tear for your loss . You are stronger .
Every time you share your story , you are stronger . And every day you choose to move forward , you are stronger . And one day , my friend , you will see yourself as strong as I do , because , after all , love is not dead , just my husband .