A Widow's Leap Into Love Part 1

But first let me tell you a funny story about me and Tom and why Tina Turner makes me think of him . So Tom was 6'3" , he weighed about 300 pounds and I am half of his size . So when we would walk together , one of his steps would be like two or three of mine and I always felt like I was just running to keep up with him .

And one day we were with his family at a casino and we were holding hands , walking around and his knee said Tom , I swear , it looks like you're just dragging Rebecca around everywhere you go . So we all got a good laugh . And then he grabs my arm and says really loud in his deep voice let's go , anime . And starts dragging me out of the casino .

I could barely keep up and people were staring and we were just dying laughing . So from that point on it just became this ongoing joke and Tom would just keep calling me anime , especially since I would talk shit back Probably a little too much . But believe me , tom Johnson was no-ight Turner and he would have never raised a hand to me .

So anyway , I knew when I heard that song I had to do a Valentine's Day episode . But I'm not here to give dating advice . All I can tell you is what not to do . This episode is more to answer questions that I get asked a lot by widows Are you dating and have you dated ? Let's start with have you dated ?

Because that's the easiest to answer yes , and I have done so horribly . I even signed up for a dating coach once and I stopped it because it was too much work . And here's the thing that I don't understand about dating these days . One you could barely even call it dating . Most encounters I've had was let's have dinner and go back to my place .

Nothing else , no movie , no other activity , nothing fun , nothing creative , no adventure , nothing but his place in sex . And I don't understand how everyone has their own definition of relationships . I mean , you literally have to ask somebody what their definition is and I swear everyone's is different .

I think only marriage now means an exclusive relationship , like whatever happened to will you be my boyfriend , yes or no ? So I've had two relationships since Tom died . The first was a year after Tom died .

I met someone very unexpectedly and just so you know how unexpected it was , it was actually at my brother-in-law's house and , I'm not gonna lie , it felt like one of those love at first sight moments , and not this chemistry , bullshit that everyone seems to want nowadays . It was exactly when you look into someone's eyes and they see you .

There was really this magnetic pull and I just wanted to be in his space and didn't have to touch him at all . So when he first showed up at this cookout , I saw him and I immediately thought , hey , this guy is attractive . But he was with someone and there was a couple of times that I thought he was staring at me .

But anyone who knows me you know I have a prosthetic eye . So , honestly , I didn't know if my body and face was turned towards him and one eye was looking at him and then maybe I was looking at the other way . I don't know if , maybe I was given mixed signals , but I did feel like he kept staring at me .

And then later I was going inside , he was on the porch with some other people and this girl started talking to me and she's like hey , you're Clark's sister , right ? And I was like , yeah , that's me and she's just chatting with me . And she's like so , I want to introduce you to blah blah , so I'm not going to say his name .

And I was like , oh , it's great to meet you . And then she goes and this is my husband , and I was like , oh , it's so nice to meet you . So then it was weird because it's like they're not together , he's single . So we just kind of started our own conversation and everyone else just walked away .

We just stood there pretty much for I don't know an hour or more just talking about anything , really just random stuff . And from that night on we spent every single day together . We never ran out of things to talk about . We talked about our entire loves . He listened to me talk about Tom . He asked questions . He wanted to know more .

I think Tom would have really liked them . And this was also the first person that I went on a date with . I even told about my cancer or knew that I had a prosthetic eye . He even went with me to one of my checkups and scan appointments and asked my doctor questions . Everyone loved him , including Tom's family .

This was probably the happiest that I had been in a really long time , but in the end it was too good to be true . He was only here for the summer and I knew that and in a way I wasn't ready for that kind of love because with everything that had been going on with my cancer , I had really just started grieving Tom . But it felt so good .

I was also living in the present moment for the first time ever and we knew it was coming to an end and we said our goodbyes . I know what you're thinking why , why did you say goodbye ?

Well , he was here visiting from another country , so he had to go back to his kids no , not a wife , just kids His job , his home , his responsibilities , his entire life . So why didn't I go with him ? That is also a pretty complicated story , but basically I didn't want that kind of commitment or life . But everything worked out .

He is living a very happy life and he's happily married with more children , and I wouldn't want that any other way . People come into your life for a reason and during that time I needed love and he gave that to me . I needed to be seen and he saw me , and that's something that I will never forget .

Now there's more to share , so I will be saving that for the next episode , because it's Valentine's Day and I just wanted to leave you with this little love story that I hold so dear to my heart , because , after all , love is not dead . Love is not dead , just my husband .