If you have been on this podcast for a while, the Love and Orgasm Show, then you know that it's no secret that healing yourself improves all aspects of your life. And how you start is by healing 1 aspect and then it like a domino effect. It touches everything else in your life, and you must reach a point in life where whether it's discomfort or pain, something will force you to evolve.
Sometimes you do. You don't even know you need any evolving or growing or healing or that you have some changes to do. But discomfort and pain will take you places where you have to dig deep within yourself to start to find the ways you can improve yourself to remove yourself from the pain or the discomfort that you're feeling. And when you decide you want better, you start to receive
better. During my one-on-one sessions that Ioffer on the love and orgasms platform, I'm starting to realize that most of us don't really feel safe. And this is hindering us from living our authentic lives. It's hindering us from achieving all the things that we deserve to achieve, all the abundance and all the good things that life has to offer. And all this fear and the lack of safety is stemming from our childhood traumas. Things were done to us that have made us stay stuck and repeating
cycles. But as an adult, it reaches a point where you have to heal and grow and evolve and remove yourself from these cycles that you were brought up in. That's the fact of fact. Like you, you're brought into art and then people do things to you or you go through some things. And as an adult, it's your whole responsibility to grow and heal from these things. Sometimes you don't know where to start. You don't even know what you're doing.
You don't know where it's coming from or that you need to heal something. But then when you're you start to socialize with other people, you start to see how they are improving yourself and hopefully it starts to rub off on you. Traumas like rejection, abandonment, betrayal and injustice are the things that cause us to behave the way we behave as adults when we grow up. But then, like I said, it's only your responsibility when you
become an adult. Unajale me Meena Samanga at the past thirty you're the poor background. You can start saying at I come from a poor background. No 30. Now this is because 30 year old is considered an adult and I really totally agree with this. By then it's your responsibility to start to try to make your inner child feel safe, whatever that looks like for you. Like when I'm walking out, I like to hear my thoughts. Some people walk out with earphones on.
I like to draw dog that stuff with like my own thoughts because I think it's the only time where my mind is not preoccupied with other things. It's when I'm focusing completely on the task that I'm given. And first of all, I'm just proud of myself for being able to bring myself to a part where my brain can shut up because especially with ADHD, this is something that you really, really struggle with, being able to focus and do something.
But through practice over the years, I brought to my myself to a point where I can't even blame my, my behavioral patterns or my mental illnesses anymore because I'm starting to learn that with discipline. Of course, it's different for everyone, but I'm starting to learn specifically for myself that the more I stay disciplined and the I actively walk on myself, some of these things that are behavioral issues and stuff, the things you can, I have definitely been able to
walk on for myself. And so when I'm walking out, my mind shuts up. And something I realized is that every time my mind is quiet, my inner child is able to show up and speak to me. I can hear her voice. She comes up and says she talks to me about the things she's craving, the things she's enjoyed, the things she loves, the things she needs. And this is just me. This is within me. This is myself talking to
myself. But if you're consistently preoccupied, these are the things you miss because you're outside chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing. You forget that within yourself is a little girl or a little boy who needs attention and validation and love and good things, good food, good music, good, whatever it could be. But if you're neglecting this little baby who lives within you, then you start to wonder why you're consistently angry,
sad, feeling neglected. You start seeking validation from outside because you think this love that you did not get from your parents is going to come from work or your lovers or money, other substitutes. But it's never going to do that. The love is always going to come from yourself. It's always going to come from who you are. And you have to work on yourself so that you can be able to receive. So I like to hear my thoughts and be very aware of them so that I can introspect.
And I realize that this is the time I feel the most safe because it's the time when this inner child of mine is able to come out. I also realized that my ways of venting and letting things out when they turned into healthy habits Kitambo. I would smoke a lot of weed, drink alcohol, go out, have sex, be avoidant, always be angry,
take everything personally. But ever since I started coping with things much healthier, ways that honor my body and take care of of me, I realized that my inner child feels so safe coming out. And one of the ways is even having this podcast. By me having this podcast and being able to air my views and talk about the things I have in my head and I feel in my heart, it's very therapeutic for me.
The healing takes away feelings of shame and inadequacy, especially those that are linked to sex. Sex becomes more enjoyable, even just because I'm healing myself. I feel very safe all the way down to my core. It's not just a safety I expect from maybe my sexual partner or my friends or my lover or my parents. It's a safety that I provide for myself from within.
And being able to give myself this kind of protection, it also helps me be able to receive it because I know the exact standards of protection, safety that I need for myself. I don't let people who have hurt me to keep taking away from me. I don't hold grudges. I don't hold things within because I understand that my inner child is just a baby. She's just a little girl and she needs someone who's able to be there for her, someone who listens to her, validates her emotions. I wouldn't.
I would hate to put her in a in perpetual stress where she's unable to cope, unable to talk, unable to say what she feels, unable to open up. And it's very interesting. Like I wanted to say, during these sessions of mine where I take one-on-one clients and we discuss personal growth, intimacy, relationships, sex, I'm realizing that most people don't feel safe because they don't realize that their inner child is with them. They don't realize that they're
not just catering to adults. They're not catering to someone who knows everything and makes money and is independent just because you're able to do all that it's about. Is five year old you, 18 year old you, 20 year old you. Do they feel safe coming to you? Would they be proud with the way you cope with things? Would they be happy being in the room with you, seeing how you behave, how you take care of yourself? Are they grateful for you?
Do they love you? Or have you created a hostile environment like the one your parents created? Are you repeating cycles by doing the same things to yourself that your parents to you and an extension you're doing it to your friends and your family and everyone around you and you're showing up the same way in your walk to your money. Everything, everything change
has a domino effect. So whether you decide not to change and evolve or to change and evolve, it will always affect every other aspect of your life. So this is things that you have to be very intentional about. And it's, it's really crazy to think about it in this type of way because it's not something that that had occurred to me before I started learning about it.
You know, you, you go through life, especially when you're ignorant, you go through life thinking, you know, things just happen until you realize that most of the things are actually your responsibility. Like it's your responsibility to keep the relationships in your, in your life going. It's your responsibility to pay your bills. It's your responsibility to get educated, to make more.
It's your responsibility to make more money, to dress well, to eat well, to take care of your body, to love yourself more. All these things are your responsibility. No one is coming to save you. And yes, you could have all the money and you could have all the things to pay, but is the care consistent? Is you showing up for yourself consistent? All these things matter. So if you're neglecting yourself, you're neglecting your
inner child. Essentially, you're doing away with all the standards required to be able to accommodate you. You're, you're not caring for yourself enough to even love yourself enough to see all these things that you deserve. And that's a shame because you end up missing out on love. If you're not healing, if you're not protecting yourself, you're not able to protect yourself in situations required as well. And the best way to get educated on this is by throwing yourself
out there. Put yourself in situations where you're able to notice that you need to improve your protection towards yourself. You need to improve the way you love yourself, the words you say to yourself, the way you speak to yourself. Like something I'm starting to learn. I should have talked about this
in the financial trauma episode. Something I'm starting to learn while healing my inner child is to be able to understand that it's my job to provide for myself and so there's no need for me to feel guilty when I spend money providing for myself. I can buy for myself the jewelry. I can buy myself anything I want
to eat. I can take myself anywhere I need to go. I don't need to wait for anyone to come and do it for me. I can do it for myself because I have free will and it's my life and it's my responsibility and I, I don't have to say no anymore. I don't have to say no. Actually, no, you can't do that. No, you can't eat that. If I'm able to provide it for myself, then I deserve it. I deserve to have it.
If I can get it, if I want it, if I need it, I deserve to have it. That's one way I'm able to heal my inner child. And talking to my clients about this has helped me realize that this is actually a universal issue. It's just that sometimes we don't have the words to put to it. We don't have the the best ways is to communicate the emotions that we have or how we feel about such things.
So don't let those who've hurt you keep taking away from you by making you repeat the oppressive cycles you had to go through in your childhood. Right now, you can heal. You can literally wake up and say it's enough. I'm done being sad and being miserable and being tired and angry and being miserable. It's just time for me to heal and take care of myself, love myself more, protect myself.
It's a decision you can make anytime at midnight, in the morning, when you wake up today, tomorrow, it literally doesn't matter. You just have to be aware so that you know it's an active thing you have to do for yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all the things you didn't know, for how you didn't know better. We grow every day, we learn every day, and the only thing that you need to do now is just purpose to be better. Just make it your intention to
be a better human being. Recognize better people. Fuck better people. Communicate, get better, dress better, look better. Take care of that child. Let the child that is within you a Kikuana. I feel like you're such a badass. I like to keep pictures of myself around myself because I love to be able to remind myself where I've come from and who I am. And I love to see the little girl that I'm taking care of because I owe her everything. I owe her the absolute best that she can ever get.
I owe her abundance, amazing things, luxury, comfort, peace, love, happiness. I really owe her everything. Start to see yourself in this light and hopefully you start to realize that making yourself happier, forgiving yourself, healing your inner child is things that are necessary for your growth. I hope this makes sense to you.
Please don't forget to check out my blog Love and Orgasms and you can watch me every Tuesday at Citizen or Citizen TV at 8:00 AM on the Daybreak show where we talk about relationships, intimacy and social issues. You can book me for one-on-one session. Follow me anywhere on social media. My name is Roberta Bobby, I will reply to your DMS. I'd love to hear from you. Tell me what you think. Tell me if if this is going to help you and prompt you to start wanting better and doing better
for yourself. Toodles.