We will never forget the tragedy of 9/11. Most of us who are old enough remember exactly where we were on that tragic day. I was sitting in my counseling office at our local church, staring blankly at a TV screen as the news unfolded. The best word to describe my mental state was surreal, and it continues to boggle my mind to think how anyone could be so twisted that they would fly a plane into a building and kill 3,000 innocent lives. But then I think of myself in my evil moments of misplaced f...
Sep 09, 2023•29 min
Biff asked, “As a believer, does God’s Word require me to forgive a relative of mine time after time—essentially let her off the hook—for her unkind behavior and attitude toward me and the many cruel and untrue things she has done behind my back to other family members? She never asks for forgiveness and only tells me I need to understand her feelings. Am I wrong to stay my distance and set some boundaries?” What would you say to Biff? Have you ever had a situation like this? How did you handle ...
Sep 05, 2023•33 min
Shows Main Idea – Whenever there is a sin event between two people, there will always be a need to ask for and grant forgiveness. If they do not transact forgiveness, their relationship will not be all God intends. This episode is the second of a two-part series where Rick Thomas drills deep into the elements of forgiveness. Please listen to or watch Episodes 477 and 478 to understand forgiveness fully. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-478-what-to-do-after-two-people-forgive-eac...
Sep 02, 2023•34 min
Forgiveness is only one aspect of the change process. It does not imply a complete change when discussing repentance because there are several links in the repentance chain. However, forgiveness is a vital mile marker that leads to complete repentance, making this link non-negotiable if we do not do it well. We cannot experience reconciliation and restoration—the subsequent steps in the order of repentance, if we don’t biblically forgive. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/i-will-forgive-you-...
Aug 29, 2023•33 min
Shows Main Idea – Forgiveness is a multifaceted God-centered opportunity for two people to reconcile after there is a transgression. It's not always straightforward because of the complexity of sin and some relationship complications. Each person must work hard to understand biblical forgiveness and do all they can to reconcile when sin divides two people. In this talk, I will walk through many aspects of forgiveness, making practical applications in various situations. Show Notes: https://lifeo...
Aug 26, 2023•54 min
Forgiving yourself is an odd teaching that has crept into Christians’ understanding of sanctification. It’s part of the culture’s futile way of thinking, hoping to get rid of their sins. They must try because they sense the same shame we do, but because they reject God and His Word, they create policies and pathways to alleviate their soul noise, always leading down dead-end streets and box canyons. Without God, they blindly grope for the walls, making self-forgiveness a culturally common sense ...
Aug 24, 2023•31 min
We watched The Blind Side a few weeks after it came out. We had heard rave reviews about the movie. Nearly every review, from the network of movie reviewers, connected to Hollywood to many of my friends, gave it the proverbial two thumbs-up. The conservative movie constituency applauded this film. Sandra Bullock won an Academy Award for her part as the lead. It was a no-brainer to watch, and, as usual, I cried at four different points during the movie. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com/the-s...
Aug 22, 2023•32 min
Shows Main Idea – Do you have a friend who does not mind telling you what’s wrong with you but never admits any of their mistakes, inadequacies, or sins? Working through and sustaining these kinds of non-reciprocating, inequitable relationships is challenging. May I walk you through ten ways to respond to a friend more willing to admit your faults than their own? Knowing how to lead relationships like these is vital. Show Notes: https://lifeovercoffee.com/podcast/ep-66-ten-responses-friend-wont-...
Aug 19, 2023•33 min
Have you ever granted forgiveness to someone who hurt you? Did you mean it? Did you really mean it? Or did you say, “I forgive you,” because it is the Christian thing to do? I’m not asking this question with a cynical eye. I’m asking because I know from personal experience there are times we can mouth the words “I forgive you,” but the heart can be far from genuine. We can succumb to Christian speak to smooth over the situation, but our internal logic says we have more heart work to do to be rig...
Aug 17, 2023•33 min
Biff destroyed his marriage. Shortly after that, he experienced conviction from God for what he did. His repentance was genuine, as affirmed by his pastor, several other church leaders, and two of his workmates. In response to the Lord’s maneuvering in his heart and with the blessing and oversight of his pastor, Biff made an authentic confession to God and his wife, Mable. In a strange turn of events, the man who destroyed his family wants to be part of God’s restoration team to put it back toge...
Aug 15, 2023•31 min
Shows Main Idea – In this seventh lesson, Rick helps us understand the benefit of increasing our opportunities for godly relationships by choosing friends, spouses, and disciplers wisely. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. The audio w...
Aug 12, 2023•37 min
In our culture today, the phrase “I’m sorry” has become our first response when we sin against each other. The term has nearly wholly replaced biblical forgiveness. It is a passive statement that does not require the offender and offended to engage in meaningful, biblical transactional forgiveness. Perhaps “I’m sorry” is a good start in relational reconciliation, but the phrase will never complete the needed task when sin is in play and grace is available. Transactional forgiveness is the antido...
Aug 10, 2023•36 min
Shows Main Idea – In this sixth lesson, Rick talks about how we speak volumes through our attitudes, actions, and priorities. Learn wise actions and priorities that will build godly relationships. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. Th...
Aug 05, 2023•41 min
Self-reliant people live in a self-constructed, self-sustained worship structure that diverts their faith in God to rely on themselves, hoping to engineer pre-determined outcomes. It is not anyone’s real world because complete self-sufficiency is an impossible feat to achieve. No finite soul can be totally reliant. Not even Jesus had that ability—in His humanness. God did not create us to be autonomous creatures but to live within a hierarchy of trust and obedience. Read Here: https://lifeoverco...
Aug 03, 2023•24 min
It's easier to trust God when you're in control of things than when you're out of control and you're unsure what will happen next. Being in control provides you with a sense of security, confidence, and comfort, albeit it's man-made. The downside to this human-centered worldview is that it's misplaced faith. God calls us to trust Him, not our circumstances. He is the object of our faith, not preferred outcomes. Because of our loyalty to self-reliance, He may push us beyond our preferences and pr...
Aug 01, 2023•34 min
Shows Main Idea – In this fifth lesson, Rick walks through how Scriptures teach us words that build up and forbid words that tear down. Knowing and practicing these words foster godly relationships. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. ...
Jul 29, 2023•39 min
Dying to ourselves is the hardest thing we will ever do, and it’s not a one-time appointment with God. Death to self is a repeated act of submitting ourselves to the Lord. The good news is that He helps us in this life-long process by incrementally, systematically, and purposely putting us to death. Did you know God is working behind the scenes to undermine any remaining self-reliance in us so we can trust Him more effectively? Sometimes He must sabotage our self-sufficiency to teach us to rely ...
Jul 27, 2023•32 min
Shows Main Idea – In this fourth lesson, Rick talks about how we have all been hurt and have hurt others. Therefore true repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation are needed. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. The audio will bring b...
Jul 22, 2023•39 min
Striving for self-generated perfection is as futile as attempting to save ourselves because it perpetuates internal turmoil and frustrates our closest friends. Though God does not want us to live sloppy, haphazard lives, He does want us to know that perfection comes through our weaknesses—our inability to be perfect, not our strengths. The appeal of God’s Word is clear; if we’re going to boast, make it in our weaknesses, accompanied by His miraculous strength that operates in us. Read Here: http...
Jul 20, 2023•33 min
If our aim is perfection, we have two options. We can strive to be perfect through our strengths or accept someone else’s perfection as ours. The first option is not tenable because we cannot live mistake-free, unless we lowered the high standard of perfection to meet its requirements, leaving us with the second option as a breath of fresh air. To have someone vouch for us by providing their perfection is grace unmerited and the privilege of every Christian. Read Here: https://lifeovercoffee.com...
Jul 18, 2023•32 min
Shows Main Idea – In this third lesson, Rick makes a case that as described and demonstrated in Scripture, strong godly relationships provide the plan and pathway to build well with others. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. The audio...
Jul 15, 2023•34 min
An unguarded strength is a double weakness because we rarely guard our strengths because we think of them as good, not realizing that our abilities can entrap us, keeping us from relying on God. Let me illustrate my point with a counseling session with a mother and daughter. The child's strength was her intellect, propelling her to do well in school. The unguardedness of her skills created a darkness in the child's life that brought them to counseling. If we are not wise in stewarding our streng...
Jul 13, 2023•33 min
Boasting in your weakness is a strange juxtaposition of words. Typically, you don't connect boasting with weakness unless you mock someone about their inability to accomplish a feat. We call it bullying. But in God's economy, boasting is something every Christian should do as they think about being weak, vulnerable, and fragile because mature believers know that God will not compete with them. It can't be strength and strength but weakness and strength. We see this concept in the death of Christ...
Jul 11, 2023•33 min
Shows Main Idea – In this second lesson, Rick discusses that the sufficiency of Scripture means we can trust God's commands regarding relationships, whether others treat us right or not. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. The audio wi...
Jul 08, 2023•43 min
The situational difficulties we face are the contexts that reveal our hearts, which is how God purifies our faith and obedience. These personal, relational, and situational challenges are our opportunities to follow Jesus in the Christian’s call to suffer. Paul discussed it as boasting in his weakness, but what does that mean? I want to take you on a journey through the New Testament, laying out how God chooses life’s foolish and weak things to confound the wise. Every dinged and dented jar of c...
Jul 06, 2023•32 min
A cracked jar of clay does not have to be a bad thing: if you know the potter. God prefers His creation to be fragile jars of clay, so He can display His miraculous, surpassing power to our friends and the culture. Of course, there is a problem with this perspective. Adamic clay pots are not content being fragile, vulnerable, or weak. We envy strength, power, might, and other self-reliant strategies for self-protection and, sometimes, self-promotion. This counterintuitive message about the gospe...
Jul 04, 2023•33 min
Shows Main Idea – In this first lesson, Rick discusses how the Triune God is the foundation of all godly relationships. Loving and glorifying God necessarily leads to loving others. This seven-part series builds one upon the other, so watching them in order is best. We also recommend you watch the video to read the content, see all the animations, and download all the supplemental graphics. Afterward, you can listen to the audio while driving, walking, and going about your day. The audio will br...
Jul 01, 2023•40 min
One of the most critical questions a wife could ask herself is how she compares herself to her husband. Is she better, worse, or similar to her husband? How she thinks about her role in her marriage and relationship with her husband will determine the trajectory of the union, for good or bad. I'm assuming—for this discussion—that both spouses are maturing, humble, and willing to communicate on the level this perspective requires. If one or both partners are pulling against each other, especially...
Jun 29, 2023•29 min
Shows Main Idea – There are five universal reactions to our mistakes. Four of them are wrong, and one is correct. As you think about what you do wrong, what is your most common response after making a mistake? Let’s say you sin against someone, and they confront you about what you did. Which one of these common responses do you typically use? Understanding our tendencies is the first step in changing. If your most common response is one of the four, I trust the next few minutes will be life-chan...
Jun 24, 2023•35 min
When discussing submission problems in a marriage, we should equally scrutinize the submission and leadership constructs. It’s not an either/or proposition. For example, a half analysis focuses solely on the man’s leadership or the wife’s submission, leaving holes in the reconciliation process. We must examine both sides of the one-flesh coin. Typically, I start with the man’s leadership since he’s the functional leader of the home. I’m not suggesting I neglect the wife’s role to submit, but the...
Jun 22, 2023•32 min
