Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Freud coined the term “repetition compulsion” to describe the puzzling phenomenon where an abuse victim repeatedly puts themselves in situations that replicate the distress they experienced in an earlier life. This might look like: You were physically abused as a child, and later your partners were also violent towards you. You were abandoned or neglected as a child, and you date people who similar ignore...
Aug 14, 2021•17 min•Season 1Ep. 48
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool In this episode, I continue from the last episode ( Listen to Part I ) and cover additional tips for how to date smart so you find a great partner and prevent the common traps that suck survivors into abusive relationships.
Aug 02, 2021•17 min•Season 1Ep. 46
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool People who suffered childhood abuse tend to do one of two things as adults: isolate to avoid getting hurt again, or turn to toxic individuals who remind them of their abusive caretakers. Revictimization, the phenomenon where childhood abuse survivors tend to get abused again in adult relationships, is unfortunately common. However, it does not have to be this way. In this episode and next, I call out comm...
Aug 02, 2021•13 min•Season 1Ep. 45
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Have you ever been in a toxic or even outright abusive relationship but find it next to impossible to leave? A part of you that knows the relationship is unhealthy and wreaking havoc on your mental health. Still, the idea of leaving is terrifying, maybe even feels impossible because you've tried many times and you went back every time. Why is it so hard to leave when the relationship causes you so much pa...
Jul 27, 2021•12 min•Season 1Ep. 44
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool When something bad happens, do you automatically think it's your fault? Many childhood trauma survivors tend to default to self-blame. When you were little, developmentally, you could not see beyond yourself and understand that your caregivers could not meet your needs. Because of this, when bad things happen, blaming it on yourself seems the most reasonable, especially since you saw your parents as all-k...
Jul 20, 2021•10 min•Season 1Ep. 42
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool This is a follow up to part I: https://anchor.fm/life-is-love-school/episodes/Why-People-Dont-Recognize-They-Were-Abused-in-Childhood-Part-I-e148i15/a-a4969gp
Jul 12, 2021•7 min•Season 1Ep. 41
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Do you tell yourself: I don't need anyone. I can do everything myself. If I let people in, they will hurt me. If you suffered abuse at the hands of people you once trusted, feeling that you have your back to the wall and you cannot trust anyone again is a common coping mechanism. You built this hard shell to shield your heart from further abuse, betrayal, and disappointment. You not only find it difficult...
Jul 12, 2021•10 min•Season 1Ep. 42
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool It takes the average childhood abuse victim 24 years to reveal their trauma history, even though disclosure is often the key to recovery. Some survivors choose to keep silent to avoid potential stigma, but others are not consciously aware that they suffered abuse. In this episode, I cover the first 5 of 10 reasons why survivors might not recognize that they were abused as children. You cannot change what ...
Jul 11, 2021•8 min•Season 1Ep. 40
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Have you ever counseled a friend who is obviously in an abusive relationship but they don't seem to recognize it? To an outsider, it can be baffling why someone chooses to stay in an abusive relationship when all the evidence is there that they should leave. You really care about this person, and you see the toll the abuse has on them, yet they seem to live in denial and may even come to defend their abus...
Jul 08, 2021•7 min•Season 1Ep. 39
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Over-apologizing is when you have the habit of saying "I'm sorry" when you don't need to. Here are some examples: You approach the receptionists at your doctor's office by saying, "I'm sorry to bother you. I have a question." Your partner makes an inappropriate joke at a dinner party. "I'm sorry. They're not usually like this," you say to people. Your friend came to visit you, and it's raining. "I'm so so...
Jul 08, 2021•7 min•Season 1Ep. 38
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool It takes the average childhood abuse victim 24 years to reveal their trauma history, even though disclosure is often the key to recovery. Some survivors choose to keep silent to avoid potential stigma, but others are not consciously aware that they suffered abuse. In this episode, I cover reasons 6-10 of why survivors might not recognize that they were abused as children. If you missed the first 5, you ca...
Jul 06, 2021•7 min•Season 1Ep. 41
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool People often spend a lot of time talking about red flags and how to spot a toxic relationship, but there is a lot less discussion about what constitutes a healthy relationship. In this episode, I share 7 signs that signal you are in a healthy relationship. Knowing what a healthy relationship looks like is especially for adult survivors of childhood trauma — to have healthy intimacy, you need to know what ...
Jul 05, 2021•9 min•Season 1Ep. 37
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Do you ever wonder if there's a link between Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and attachment styles? When people think about NPD, they think of someone like a Don Draper — A person with an inflated sense of self that comes off as arrogant, entitled, and envious. However, there's another type of NPD where the individual presents themselves as insecure, focusing on themselves but seeking reassurance ...
Jul 02, 2021•9 min•Season 1Ep. 36
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Do you feel insecure in relationships? Have you acted out because of your overwhelming insecurity? Are you worried that your protest behavior (acting clinging, jealous, upset) is pushing your partner away? If you answer YES to these questions, you may have a predominantly Anxious Attachment style. Our attachment styles are formed in childhood, and a person with the Anxious Attachment style likely had unpr...
Jun 29, 2021•20 min•Season 1Ep. 35
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Do you know what kills the most dreams? It’s not lack of education, money, preparation, but our internal resistance. The more we want something, the stronger the resistance inside of us fights back. Sometimes it just feels better (and easier) to self-sabotage and control our failure than face the possibility of giving it all yet still failing. We are afraid to be left with the possibility that our best is...
Jun 10, 2021•21 min•Season 1Ep. 34
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Do you work for an unreasonable boss? Do you wish that you are better at saying no so you’re not always overwhelmed? Do you want to feel more peace but struggle with the how? If so, this episode is for you. Stress Management coach Lolita Guarin (http://www.beamazingyou.com/) is one of my favorite people, and after you listen to this episode, you will know why. As the only child raised by alcoholic, contro...
May 31, 2021•34 min•Season 1Ep. 33
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Midlife is when many people start to wonder if they are on the right path. This question could feel unsettling, even scary. After all, by midlife, most of us have invested a few decades in our chosen line of work, and starting afresh seems daunting. Statistically speaking, over 43% of women will live beyond their 90s, and close to 10% will live to 100, so doing a pivot at midlife is not too late! You shou...
May 26, 2021•14 min•Season 1Ep. 32
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool The sign of a healthy relationship isn't that two people never fight. In fact, it's often a sign of problems. Either the couple suppresses their emotions, which leads to mounting resentment, or one or both partners are indifferent toward their relationship and don't care enough to even fight. The key to a long, happy relationship isn't that there's no conflict but whether disputes can be resolved construc...
May 15, 2021•16 min•Season 1Ep. 31
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool As a follow-up to the previous episode, which covers signs 1 through 15, in this episode, I cover 16 through 30 of the common signs that you suffered childhood trauma. If you think you are uniquely broken from the abuse, I want you to know that you are not. Your brain and body did the best they can to cope with impossible situations, and as an adult, you can learn how to heal yourself and how to have succ...
May 06, 2021•19 min•Season 1Ep. 30
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool In the USA, nearly 700,000 children are abused in U.S each year. Unfortunately, trauma leaves a legacy; research by the CDC shows that trauma survivors are more likely to die by suicide, suffer chronic mental and physical illness, have a shortened life span, and fall prey to abuse in their adult relationships. The reason? Trauma, especially in early childhood, where the brain is still fragile and in devel...
May 06, 2021•22 min•Season 1Ep. 27
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool If you are new to boundary setting, you can expect that people who don’t like your boundaries will test you to see if you mean business. Thye may use manipulations such as guilt-tripping, giving you the silent treatment, anger, etc., to get you to take back your boundaries. If you have people-pleasing tendencies and can’t stand the discomfort, you might end up caving to their demands and putting their pri...
Apr 29, 2021•12 min•Season 1Ep. 28
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Have you had to deal with people communicate by “not communicating?” I’m talking about people who stonewall, disappear, or ignore you when you want to talk to them to solve issues or get closure. People like this can be incredibly frustrating to deal with because non of your ninja communication skills work when they won’t even come to the table. Dealing with evaders is especially hard for you if you’ve su...
Apr 23, 2021•10 min•Season 1Ep. 27
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Most people who suffer PTSD also have trauma triggers. One of mine was seeing men with furrowed brows. My heart rate would surge, my palms would sweat, and I want to run, even though I know my fear is irrational. Sounds familiar? Per Wikipedia: A trauma trigger is a psychological stimulus that prompts the recall of a previous traumatic experience. The stimulus itself need not be frightening or traumatic. ...
Mar 30, 2021•11 min•Season 1Ep. 26
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool In this episode, I answer a question on how best to support someone we love when they are grieving.
Feb 17, 2021•6 min•Season 1Ep. 25
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Join our free private FB group: https://bit.ly/LILSFBGroup In this episode, I answer the question, "I went through my boyfriend's phone and found that he’s cheating on me, what should I do?"
Feb 12, 2021•4 min•Season 1Ep. 24
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool I answer the question: I'm Anxiously Attached, and my boyfriend is Avoidantly Attached. We've been together for about a year or so. Recently he told me that he's feeling overwhelmed. He just got a new job, and he said that he's having a hard time making it all work and feels like taking a break from our relationship between his boys, work, and me. I am devastated. He's the first guy I fell in love with in...
Jan 27, 2021•8 min•Season 1Ep. 24
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Have you ever relied so much on a therapist you felt like you couldn’t handle life without him/her? I did. I found her during my divorce when I was experiencing major depression. I remember walking into her office feeling lousy and walking out feeling lighter. I saw her regularly, sometimes twice a week, for over a year. I needed her so much, I almost decided against moving across states for a promotion. ...
Jan 26, 2021•11 min•Season 1Ep. 21
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool In this episode, I answer this question from a Life Is Love School member : I feel like I walk around the world with no skin on. I am easily triggered by people, but in retrospect, it usually turns out that I’ve made the wrong assumptions. How do I stop taking everything so personally? This question is great because so many of us walk around the world preoccupied with what other people think of us. If thi...
Jan 21, 2021•8 min•Season 1Ep. 21
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Did you ever wonder how successful and confident people get sucked into narcissistic relationships? Theresa Rozyla was in her mid-twenties when she met the man who became her husband. She was beautiful, bright, and held a job she loved as a corporate marketing person for Dufry. They were happy for the first few years, but then slowly, the put-downs came. It started with the occasional comment about her ph...
Jan 04, 2021•23 min•Season 1Ep. 20
Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool Do you live with chronic back or neck pain? Did your doctor tell you that this is “all part of getting older” and that there’s nothing they can do? Do you ever wonder why people with similar back and neck degeneration experience drastically different pain levels, some not at all? Do you ever wonder why so many childhood trauma victims suffer from chronic, debilitating pain? Studies worldwide have shown th...
Dec 31, 2020•24 min•Season 1Ep. 19
