You're not alone. You are so far from being alone. And the more we normalize this, the more we realize we can talk about sex in a way that's still professional, that's still classy, that's still, wonderfully orchestrated. And it's just we're talking about it in a way that's just like anything else in health that's out of balance.
There's still, like, a lot of slut shaming going around where men can have all of these partners and women, if they do it is looked upon like they're bad or dirty or trash rather than, hey, just like men, these are, you know, humans that also are really enjoying pleasure and their own sexuality. The most common reported orgasm.
Last now about forty percent of women show that they have or report having a longer orgasm which is more like I see some people reporting like internal surveys they're doing from their audience saying the skew is fifteen percent of women can have orgasms from intercourse only. Some studies are saying seventy percent of people can have women can have orgasms from intercourse only.
Regardless, even if the seventy percent is true, that still leaves almost a third of women that are not able to orgasm from intercourse alone. And that's for many different reasons. Some of the reasons I think is because simple thing around my Hey, everybody. This episode of The Lounge, we're talking about sexual stats, facts, and this is such an important episode because I like bringing some of these stats and facts to you because when we do, it normalizes things. Right?
It normalizes the discussion that we're having. And one of the things one of the reasons I'm doing this podcast, one of the reasons for my libido work is really to bring these conversations to the light, to help make these conversations around sex be professional, classy, less taboo because so many people have a level of sexual dysfunction in their own life, in their intimate life. And, one, many couples are not even talking to each other about it.
Some oh, so many times when something starts, like, not working or not feeling well, then there's just this, like, brush it under the rug, and we don't talk about it, and we just don't have sex anymore thing that happens. And people are generally not talking to their friends about this. It's, like, not a classic dinner party conversation. I mean, it might be in, like, my friend group, but in most friends groups, it's not a classic dinner party conversation to say, hey.
We're having a hard time with our sex life right now. So what does that lead? It's like, if you think about so many other things in medicine, like, it was very common for friends to get together and say, oh, I'm having back pain. And another friend is like, oh, yeah. I'm having, like, neck pain or I'm having hip pain. And you can see some level of, like, compassion and validation and feel like you're not alone in the world.
And with sex and any sort of sexual dysfunction or sexual abnormalities or just challenges, whatever you wanna call it, it's not like we are getting that validation even though it is such a common problem. So I'm gonna break down some of these stats for you. But one of the takeaways I hope you get from today's episode is you're not alone. You are so far from being alone.
And the more we normalize this, the more we realize we can talk about sex in a way that's still professional, that's still classy, that's still, wonderfully orchestrated, and it's just we're talking about it in a way that's just like anything else in health that's out of balance. The more we can get there, the more we can normalize this conversation, make it less taboo, and the more we can have these relationships that are really helping us to have sex for the rest of our lives.
Like, most people typically do have an interest in having sex for the rest of their lives at some point. Now what will wind up happening in so many people is they get to a point and they're bored, it hurts, it doesn't work, it's a source of tension, and they just say, whatever. I don't even need it.
When we look at studies on all that it does for relationships, on all that it heals, on all that it does for keeping couples bonded, for helping make that relationship strong, for helping with anything from things like anxiety, depression, sleep, mental stability, energy, and so much more, we can see even bone growth. Right? There's even a a level of sex and oxytocin helping with bone growth. There's so many different things. So we see all that.
It's so easy to see why this is such an important part of health. We have sex. We have our pleasure receptors for a reason. These are God given receptors that we have for a reason. So let's go through. So I have my notes here. I have all the things that I wanna say to you about these stats. So let's just talk about ejaculation to start common question too is, like, well, how far does it go?
Well, there's not a really good reliable source that I can find on, like, the average distance, but one thing that can happen is the the the look of the force and how how far it looks like it's going can be related to how much semen is actually coming out. Right? So if there's more, it might look like it has more of a movement than if there's less sort of thing. Orgasm. So women's orgasms, the most common reported orgasm lasts it's called a short orgasm.
It lasts for about three to fifteen seconds. Very, very, very short. Now women now about forty percent of women show that they have or report having a longer orgasm, which is more like thirty to sixty seconds. So one of the things that can happen is, like, in so many times as women, we're not taught things, and men are not taught this either, of, like, how to make that orgasm deeper and go longer.
So the more we can kinda ride that edge, like, edging and that concept of edging of getting close to orgasm and pulling back and close to orgasm and pulling back, that's talked a lot about for men's health. But I think because women have can have the capacity of having multiple orgasms, and a woman a woman can orgasm and still have sex with a man and he can still be get like like, her parts are still working. Right? I think there's less emphasis for women on this concept of edging.
Now one of the things that we can see is when, as women, when you get close to climax and you pull back and close to climax and just before you're about to get to that point of no return, if you pull back, that can actually help with a better and longer and more sustained orgasm. So this practice can be done, like, by solo with your solo masturbation practice, and it can also be done with communicating to a partner. So the biggest thing, and I talk in other videos about that we see with orgasm.
One of the biggest important things is for women is getting to that thing that's working. So you can try all these different things, positions, techniques, all these different things. And then when you find something that's really working and you're like that arousal's going up, you wanna stay consistent with that one thing. Right?
You wanna stay with that technique if when because that if, typically, if you switch that technique right as as orgasm's about to occur, all of a sudden that'll reset her nerves, and you might have to kinda start with building up that arousal again. But if you're following me here, this is actually a really good edging technique for women.
So what you can do is if you're feeling like, oh, your orgasms are shorter and you want longer sustained orgasms, one practice you can do is getting yourself closer and closer to climax and keep with that same technique that's that's kinda getting you aroused. And right before you kinda get to that point of no return, you know, tap your partner, give them a wink, whatever the sign is, that all of a sudden they switch to a different different technique right then.
And if they switch to a different technique, typically, that will lower that that, like, kind of arousal threshold, and you'll have to build it up again. But if you do that several times before you allow yourself over the edge, then typically that that orgasm is gonna be much longer and much more sustained. And the longer and more sustained it is, typically, like, the more pleasure women feel typically is related to more and more and more of their desire to come back and have sex again. Right?
So that desire, that kind of that pleasure awakens all the dopamine receptors in the brain that say, that was really good. I kinda want more of that. It's kinda like, you know, how anybody that tries not to eat sugar and and hopefully succeeds? And and one of the things that I that can happen for a lot of people with sugar is, like, you're really good at, like, saying no to it, and then all of a sudden you have one bite of everything of or of something with sugar.
And it's like, oh, that turns the receptors on in the brain that's like, I want more of that. And then all of a sudden it's like, well, maybe I can get away with another bite or maybe I can get away with another bite and soon sooner than later all of a sudden sugars crept back in. That's in part because that's wakening up that dopamine pathway of your brain that says, this is good. I want more. You know, sex is no different except it's very different because it's actually good for us.
But the from the standpoint of the dopamine, that's what's happening is when you're having that longer pleasure, that's triggering the brain to say, I want more of that. So those longer sustained orgasms can really help you get that desire. That desire map is is kinda turned back on. So a female ejaculation. So this comes up sometimes online. It's like, how do I ejaculate? How do I ejaculate? How do I ejaculate as a as a woman?
In general, my feeling about female ejaculation is sometimes I think there's so much emphasis on this that it almost kinda takes away from the other pleasure of the moment. But it's estimated that maybe up to seventy percent of women actually ejaculate, but many of them, the ejaculate goes backwards into their bladder. So this is an important thing because so many people, so many women and couples I find are like, okay. Well, let's figure out how to do this. This seems really sexy and cool.
But for some women, you're never gonna see it because there's a tendency of that ejaculate to actually get sucked back up with those vaginal contractions, and the the ejaculate can actually get sucked back up and end up in the bladder, so it's not gonna come out the vaginal opening. So that's really important to understand. Prostate massage. So prostate massage can help with so many different things.
It can help with BPH, and it can help even with prostatitis, other forms of prostatitis, and even potentially with erectile dysfunction. So it is more common than not that men do enjoy prostate massage, but with prostate massage, there's a lot of different things to consider. Right? You want to consider high amounts of lube. I think silicone based lubes work really, really well for this sort of thing.
I will put a link to my favorite silicone based lubes in this particular in the show notes here for you. But the prostate massage, you really want silicone lube. You wanna make sure there's a ton of lube. You wanna start typically with massaging the outer rim of the anal sphincter. The sphincter is a round muscle, so it kinda contracts really tightly and opens. So sometimes if you massage very lightly around it, that will help with just kinda relaxing it.
And then you wanna typically put just a little bit of pressure on that anal sphincter before you insert a finger inside. Oftentimes starting with just the baby baby's, pinky and going real slow. And so that can be how you start embracing and bringing in things like prostate massage. Now once you're interested in this and, like, once you have figured this out, there are a ton of sex toys for this. There's anal beads.
There's all different things you can use inside this area for pleasure, but also for health. Like, that's what I'm. Some vibrators are even FDA approved as sexual massagers because of what they can do for prostate health. So we really wanna consider this as a helpful helpful, tool, not only for bringing additional sensation, but also for for health as well. Sexual partners. So men have two to four times more sexual partners than women in their lifetime.
Also, interestingly and maybe not surprisingly is that survey show that men are more cautious and have a bigger, say, distaste if women have had a high amount of sexual partners. So men tend to be less tolerant for women having a high amount of not of sexual partners than the opposite. So to me, that's like, while that's not surprising, it still shows a level of double standard, I think.
I think there's still, like, a lot of slut shaming going around where men can have all of these partners, and women, if they do it, is looked upon like they're bad or dirty or trash rather than, hey. Just like men, these are, you know, humans that also are really enjoying pleasure and their own sexuality. So I think surveys like that are still showing that, hey.
We still have some more work to do to really equal the the playing field here and really just say, you know, the most important things about sex are, like, you know, is it consensual? Is it safe? Is it respectful?
And, you know, and and if all those things are in place, then this is just a a beautiful part of human expression that we should be empowered as humans to make our own choices about, provided that it's consensual, that it's respectful, that it's safe, that it's all of these other, you know, qualifications. So intercourse after orgasm for women. So or intercourse I'm sorry. Orgasms only from intercourse for women. So it's really hard, you guys, for me to get a good stat on this.
Like, I see I see some people reporting, like, internal surveys they're doing from their audience saying as few as fifteen percent of women can have orgasms from intercourse only. Some studies are saying seventy percent of people can have women can have orgasms from intercourse only. Regardless, even if the seventy percent is true, that still leads almost a third of women that are not able to orgasm from intercourse alone. And that's for many different reasons.
Some of the reasons I think is because a simple thing around, like, that fastness. Right? So many times, I think sex happens way too fast for women where there is this huge movement of thrusting and quickness, and it's like, wham bam, thank you, ma'am, kinda thing. And it's lasting for two, three, four, five, six minutes, and then it's over. And I'm not saying that intercourse has to last longer than that.
I think there's a lot of techniques we can do that can help, and I think it's wonderful when it it lasts longer than that. But I think pleasure can happen even if for whatever reason that intercourse has to be that short. But the problem is, I think so many times, there's not that foreplay. There's not that touch. There's not all of those other parts that are non penetrative that are also included.
And, you know, a question I've been asking people lately is, if I say if I say sex if I say sex to you, what is the first word or thing that comes to mind? Right? Is it pleasure? Is it excitement? Is it I want that? Is it a visual of your lover? Is it a visual of a past lover? Or is it meh? Is it shame? Is it pain? Is it noninterest?
And I think so many times, part of the problem we can get into with sex is that it's so easy to just dismiss this as something beneficial for us and something that is beneficial for the relationship and wonderful because it's easier sometimes to do that when than look at it when it's like, well, how do I fix that problem? And I think one of the things that can happen is also with with orgasm through intercourse is if somebody has a feeling around sex that is meh, kinda like that, like, whatever.
I don't really care that much. There is probably less of the ability to actually sink in to the present moment of sex because you don't care that much. I say often that the act of pleasure and the capacity for pleasure is directly related to the capacity to be present. So some of what can happen with intercourse is we can have our minds all over the place. We can be thinking about the job, the work, the dishes, what we're gonna do before or what we did before sex, what we did after.
And it's not uncommon that these things can happen. But think about this. It's not uncommon that those things happen the rest of your life. You're driving and you're like, how the heck did I get here? Right? Your mind is off in la la land thinking about all these things while your body is driving. You know? You're running or working out and the mind wanders. You could be in conversation and your mind wanders. Right? You'd be reading a book and it's like, wait. I didn't read that last page.
I gotta go back because my mind wandered. So this is a constant act in our rest of our lives to keep the mind super present on the moment. So it shouldn't be a surprise really then that the mind can wander during sex, but the ability to experience orgasm through, intercourse or otherwise is really related to that desire to be that that ability to be present. Right? You know, especially to, like, body image wise.
If we're thinking about fat roles and we're thinking about how does our body look in this position, etcetera, we're not probably thinking about our pleasure. Right? So the more we can be present in the moment, the more we can experience pleasure. I also think there's a lot of there's just still a lot to be learned as far as really understanding the of the female anatomy. Like, it's still, in many ways, I feel like the biggest mystery.
Like, I feel like in my medical school program, it was probably if I look at, you know, body part by body part by body part, it probably was, like, the body parts that had the least amount of 10 attention on from a function and a purpose and a location perspective even. Right? There was way more emphasis on more of things about the male sexual process than the female. So I think that's a huge, huge, huge part for all of this.
And one of the biggest things is, like, yes, while I do think that we can teach anybody to orgasm in different ways, there also needs in order to do that, there also needs to be a lot of, you know, thinking about, like, well, we have the most abundance of nerve endings in our clitoris. Right? We have the most abundance of nervings nerve endings there. And so much time, there's, like, so little time really given to the clitoris, which is not just that little nub. Right?
The clitoris has a has a much broader, much, you know, bigger structures than just that, which I do go into in some of my YouTube videos, and I do go into in some of my course content. If anybody wants to sign up for my libido club, we go a lot more into structure and technique and, conversation, how to have conversations with your partner, and all of those types of things. So definitely check out my libido club and and join that if you can. So let's keep going.
So no orgasms, women that have had no orgasms. It's estimated that ten to thirty percent, again, depending upon the survey, of women have never experienced an orgasm at all. So I think this is a really important statistic. I think it's important because, one, I think it normalizes this. I think this is something that provides a lot of shame and I think bidirectional shame and a lot of pressure. You know?
I I've seen situations where the the man, because he wants to provide this and know that he can provide immense pleasure for his woman so that if the woman's not orgasming, then that can actually, like, be, like, an assault on like, feel like an assault on the man. Well, that puts all of this pressure on the woman. Right? And so and and it doesn't feel good bidirectionally, but it also puts all this pressure on the woman to orgasm.
And that is a single like, the like, the one of the biggest things that's gonna make a woman not orgasm is pressure, is stress, is all of that. Because then all she's thinking about, am I gonna come? Is it gonna work? Am I gonna come? Is it gonna work? Guess who's not feeling their own pleasure? Guess who's off in la la la and not being present to the moment because of the worry, the stress, the pressure? Just doesn't work. So what do we do from there? Right? So what do we do?
Well, one, we certainly do not wanna fake it. So another stat is that up to fifty percent of women have faked orgasms in their life. It's a huge stat, and there's a lot of reasons, I think, for why women fake orgasm. One is what we're talking about here is this pressure that happens. If she's not orgasming, then there's this pressure that gets put on her oftentimes by feeling like, oh, this is gonna hurt my partner if I don't orgasm, so she fakes it.
And the problem there is while that might alleviate, you know, it might be palliative short term for that initial ego. But over time, what winds up happening is she's doing these things over and over again, and they're not working. It's not pleasing her. And in time, then it feels more obligatory, and it feels like an extra thing she has to do.
And what tends to happen in time with this scenario is she becomes less and less interested in sex because it's not pleasurable for her, and it just feels like another job. And when she's busy with all the things in her life and it just feels like another job, that's when it can just be like, okay. Well, if I'm gonna do this, I might as well just fake it, get it over with. But then she becomes oftentimes less interested in even doing that over time because of just the obligatory nature of it.
Another what, reason that she sometimes does it, that women sometimes fake, is because they are just not feeling great about the position or it hurts or they're tired or they just want it to be over. And in healthy communication around sex, once this is established, then there's much more of, like, attunement to, like, hey. If this is not working, let's find something that actually is working for you, that's allowing you to feel pleasure.
Or if you're too tired for this, let's table this till tomorrow and the next day where we can do this and have more energy. But that level of safety and communication has not been established in so many partnerships, So sometimes that faking comes just because she wants to end it. And fifty percent up to fifty percent of women fake orgasms. So I don't you know, I we wanna be careful about that because I don't wanna give anybody a, you don't make anybody worry about this.
It's certainly not the intention here. But it is important to bring awareness that a lot of this is happening just because that pleasure is really not happening for her. And it doesn't mean you're not, you know, it doesn't mean she's not capable of receiving pleasure. It doesn't mean that I give you're listening and you're wondering like, oh, gosh. Is this me? Even if it is, it doesn't mean that you're not, you know, that you're not capable of giving her the best pleasure of her life. Right?
But what it means is, like, in order to have that be best pleasure of her life, you gotta talk to her. You guys gotta talk about it. We gotta get the ego out of the way. And, you know, I think the other place that this comes up, and this is an important stat stat as well, is that from an erectile dysfunction standpoint, up to about fifty, fifty two percent of men experience erectile dysfunction. Now that is age dependent, and at younger age as those percentages go down, that is study dependent.
Some studies show much higher. In fact, some sexologists really believe that every man will experience sexual dysfunction at some point in their life. I don't know that I I completely believe that because what I've seen in medicine is nothing is ever always and, you know, always and never, I just don't think exists in the world of medicine. But the point is the take home point is this is a common thing, and it's another thing where I think men get so embarrassed about it.
And a great way of working with this is, yes, you wanna get to the root. Make sure you go to take my libido quiz, which is designed to help you identify the top root cause of low libido because oftentimes, yes, it is blood flow, but it can be so many other things. And you wanna figure out what the root and root causes are. So that's libidoquiz.com.
That quiz is designed to really help you identify, like I said, those top root causes driving any sort of low libido or sexual dysfunction issue for women or men. So please do take that quiz. Please do look at that quiz and take that. That can really help you. Again, I'll put that link. But one of the biggest things is talking about this, and it can feel embarrassing. But the biggest thing to know is this is so unbelievably common. This is so unbelievably common.
And the more we may look at this as just like, it's just another health imbalance. It doesn't say anything about who anybody is as a person, about their who they are, about who they are as a sexual being, about their ability to deliver massive pleasure. But the more I find that people are able to talk about this and say, okay. This is happening. Yes. Let's figure this out. And while we're doing that remember, I love both ands. That's something you'll hear me say, both ands.
So, yes, let's figure out the root. And while we're doing it, let's figure out in the meantime other things that we can do intimately together to stay connected and stay close. And there's mega potential during scenarios of orgasms not working, of erectile dysfunction, you know, happening, where we can actually use this as opportunities to say, let's reset. Let's talk about this. Like, we gotta talk about this. Let's explore each other's bodies. Let's find other things that work.
Let's find other ways of intimately connecting. Right? That can be through oral. That can be through finger. That can be through central massage. That can be through playing with nipples and exploring each other's fetishes. There there can be so many different ways of really exciting a partner that doesn't have to involve involve penile contact. Right? And so it's a both and. I'm not saying don't work look at those things.
In fact, I encourage you if the if you're not having orgasms or you're experiencing erectile dysfunction to to work on these things. Right? And some of these things are health issues, and we wanna figure out why they're going on. But the the the both and approach allows us to do that and also to set, how can we actually use this time to, like, find something novel to do intimately with each other? How can we use this time to explore and say, okay. We can't do this right now. It's not working.
Instead of getting frustrated about it, let's see what other ways we can turn each other on. And we can use this as an opportunity to expand our repertoire of what we're doing in our intimate moments together. And so I think these these things that are going on can be actually real opportunities to go deeper.
So I would love to hear in comments from you guys if you've know of any other stats or there's any other curiosities you have from a stat fact standpoint around human sexuality, around intimacy, relationships, and more. So please do leave me comments on this. Please do check out my quiz. Like I said, that quiz is designed to help you get to the root cause. And finally, please do check out my libido club.
My libido club is where you can interact directly with me, where there's longer content, where there's more tips, tricks, and techniques in there for you, and we go through all of that and so much more. So thank you for joining the club as well. I will see you in another episode. This has been another great episode of the lounge. Thank you for being here with me and wishing you guys the best pleasure in your day to day lives. Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.