Welcome to the libido lounge. We focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the libido lounge. I'm your host, doctor Diane, and this is another girlfriend edition. We just did a girlfriend edition last week. Welcome again to the new year.
We have so many exciting things coming out this new year, including coming up, there there is a four day ignite your libido jump start. So make sure you do that. It's four days, and in four days, the promise is that you will have better sex by the end of those four days. So you gotta do that, offering that totally for free. Go down into the show notes and click that link in order to sign up for that. That starts here just in a few weeks.
I wanna reintroduce you to a couple of my besties that you got to meet on last Girlfriend Edition. And on this particular show, we're going by the nicknames that we use in our friend group. So here is Ruby. Hello. And here is Sapphire. Hi, everyone. And so just to remind you, Ruby is a bodyworker.
She does a lot with working with people, but getting into their own bodies through radical embodiment and a lot of other hands on and, deep rooted practices to get inside your own body and feel feel everything, really. And you can check out her other episode where we go more into all of her work. And then we have Sapphire who does a lot with both social justice as well as conflict resolution. And so these are a couple of my friends, like I said. Today's episode is about tuning in.
We're gonna talk about tuning into pleasure, and we're gonna talk about tuning into pussy. And I know some of you guys are hearing that word and thinking, like, what did she say? As the reason for choosing that word is a few different reasons. One, to get out of the medical, you know, to get out of the medical and into the pleasure, and also to reclaim this word because innately, this word is talking about our female anatomy. Right?
It's talking about this place of pleasure and power and joy and so many different wonderful things. And to have this word that has this connotation about some part of our female body that is fabulous, that is pleasure, that is sacred is really, really needs to be reclaimed. If you have any sort of reaction to that word, you might consider going and reading a great book by mama Gina called Pasea, a Reclamation.
And it goes deep into some of the reasoning for really sinking into that word and owning that word and what that really means. And without further ado, we're gonna talk about it. So welcome to girlfriend edition. Yay. Alright, ladies. So let's start with just the question of pleasure. Tell me about, like, pleasure practices, how you tune into pleasure. Let's just open up the conversation to pleasure. Yeah. I'll start actually on this one.
What I what first comes up for me you saying that is, at least in my experience and especially some of the clients I work with, pleasure can seem, it's a it can be a little bit of a charge of triggering worry. It can seem so out of reach. Or when we're thinking of pleasure. Of course, this is the libido doc podcast. So we are talking sex and sexuality and pleasure is so much more than that. Pleasure is something that can act it be very innocent in nature as well.
And I think starting to also recognize that individually, if it is something that somebody's feeling triggered around or like it feels wrong or there's old shame, Think of a baby. You know, think of a toddler in different times when they're just in their pleasure. Right? I think of you got my dog, Tula Rose. Right? She's so in her pleasure, and it's so innocent. They're just go orienting around what do they need, what makes them feel good.
And something as simple as one of my favorite times a day is my morning coffee and wish you know, when I have it, it's a very pleasurable experience for me. I mean, I love my I love coffee, and I like to just sit and to the best of my ability, depending on the day. But more days than not, I don't do anything. I just sit and I sip and I breathe, and I'm just present with the taste, with my environment. And that's such a pleasurable experience for me.
It's such a great way to start my day to just tune in with how am I today? What is my intention for today? What do I wanna focus on today? Right. And tune into what is this, you know, beverage I'm drinking? What does it taste like? How is the texture? So I think pleasure is such a broad. It can mean, you know, it's so much. And it's, I think, especially for us women, it's it's our such a gift and and essential for us to be in pleasurable experiences, the nonsexual and the sexual.
So that's what I'll just, yeah, start with. Yeah. And it is it's such an important thing. Right? Because I think so many times when we're thinking of pleasure, we're thinking of just, like, sexual pleasure. And I think it's so easy to forget that pleasure actually can come from a point of just the coffee. Just all those little things that we actually do because pleasure is so oftentimes, I think, taught to us as like, but I don't have time for that. Yeah. Or that's not a priority.
It's indulgent. It's an indulgent. Right? It's selfish. Yeah. Right? And I think the more we can actually tune in to like like like, what you're saying is like, oh, but you're enjoying it. You're breathing. You're getting into that moment. Like, setting yourself up for the day is presencing. Right. I think. Right. When we're connecting into our pleasure, we're presencing. Right. Yeah. Like, I think a lot with that too about, like, the giving and receiving. Right?
And, like, giving and receiving of life is something I've really been reflecting on a lot. I just read this book, doctor Rosalyn, I believe, is the the woman's name, called the DPS. Mhmm. And it's just really all about all these areas in life Mhmm. That, like, that we receive in and that that so many times we don't take that moment to, like, deeply receive. And when we do, like, we, like, push back on that receiving, then it's a lot harder to give.
Because if I'm, like so, like, giving yourself that time in the morning, it is about the pleasure. It is about the joy, but it's also about filling you up Yeah. So that you can go into your day, right, with, like, being like your cup is full and you can fully show up to your work and your life. Yeah. Right? Totally. Totally. Totally. Yeah. Versus, like, chugging it, and I'm doing this. I'm doing this. Or, you know, I can drink a cup of coffee in five minutes, seven minutes.
You know, it doesn't have it it it doesn't yeah. And and how it sets me up and also then not just going into scroll mentality, not going to be you know, it just I think it allows me to be more efficient even. Right? If we are thinking of it's an indulgence, I don't have the time. It doesn't have to be coffee. Right? There's so many other ways to be But free and pleasure. But Right.
Yeah. I I am always trying to for myself or anyone I work with of how can we implement or bring some of these practices in that's not just another to do, which also I think when we're checking to dos off, it feels less pleasurable. It's just, okay. I did that thing. I touched my pussy today because I'm in a pussy course than I'm supposed to, or, you know, or whatever it may be.
So at least for me, I don't I might be alone in this, but sometimes those things can just become another to do if that's. And so how can it just me wanting to feel more pleasure, me wanting to just be more with myself, tune in more with myself? How can I weave that into what I'm already doing? Yeah. Mhmm. That's beautiful. Yeah. That's beautiful. How about you? What have you found with pleasure?
Yeah. Something I've been thinking as I've been listening to Emily is, this quote that, someone actually shared to me shared with me years ago when I was writing my thesis. So not exactly a pleasurable experience. But he said energy flows where attention goes. Yeah. You know? So where you place your attention, more energy goes there. And I think with pleasure, it's something that really needs to be cultivated. So finding at any anywhere without or anywhere throughout my day.
If I'm drinking my coffee, if I step outside and I notice how the air feels, You know, I'm taking a walk and notice how good it feels to just be in my body, allowing myself to notice the pleasure in that. And I think for, especially for women, like Emily is saying, there's this pressure to to do a lot, to be there for others to, multitask. Mhmm. And that sometimes is a requirement. Right? Sometimes we just have to go there.
And what can we do to try to push up against that expectation or that conditioning in our inner world, you know, to find the sourcing of pleasure within our own system, that's available to us all the time through presence, really, like Emily saying, you know, if I can just kind of sink in with my coffee versus looking at Instagram while I drink my coffee, it allows a little bit more space and availability to access pleasure.
So there's really, I think, something that could be, it could be quite difficult in that it's sort of countercultural and maybe against our routine and, and the habits that we're in. And yet it's also quite simple because it's there for us if we can place our attention in the ways that we really want to cultivate more. Yes. So may I ask you both this? Have either of you ever had an orgasm while thinking about something else? Like, I'm a grocery. Like, we're still here. This question.
I was going, like, aren't you shopping? Or you know? Point being, like, is it possible to have an orgasm and not be present in your body? For me, it's not. For yeah. Like, nothing's coming today. I'm really, Lincoln. No. No. I appreciate you. Like, the easy people, you have much Nick, Derek, answer me. Yeah. Especially because in orgasm, my my body needs to be relaxed.
Yeah. You know, present and relaxed, and there's something inherent in if I'm thinking about my to do list or my problem at work or, you know, a family issue, My body's not relaxed. Yeah. You know, it's the absolute opposite. It's tight in addition to being in my head and being distracted and being somewhere else. So makes sense to me that presence in pleasure is required for something like a climax or an orgasmic experience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
And so in my mind and the rest of the day, it's like the, like our day to day activity as well as our sensual activity is all just one big presence practice. Right? Mhmm. Just like tuning into the body, to the sensuality, and all of that. And, yeah, and and and I think what I think feels important with that Yeah.
Especially in our modern, like, culture and world that is, you know, at least in The US, like, pretty, a lot of high level of worth on productivity, a lot of high level of worth on there's just a lot of distractions and bombardments, whether or not, like, family, like, requirements, obligations, but then also screen notifications constantly, all of that. And so just finding ways to set up reminders Mhmm. To help tune in.
You know, what is it that, like, can help trigger that ex you know, trigger it meaning, like, just help bring you back into you to remind myself, oh, right. Okay. Could I experience a little pleasure here? Is there even a little bit of space? I'm feeling really agitated. I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Whatever is okay. That's fine. We we talked about in our girlfriend episode that in a little air before this, but Sapphire mentioned the, noticing with approval.
So noticing that with approval first. And then from there, I don't need to change it, but could I just have a is there a little space on the scale for me to just slow that down Yeah. Mhmm. A little bit, which I think invites a little little more pleasure, a little more ease. Mhmm. But just finding, you know, whether it be maybe it is a reminder on your phone. Maybe it's a, you know, a every time you go to your mirror in the bathroom, you see a little sticky. But something to just help.
For me, I'm, again, very essential. So I have texture. So when I feel texture of when I walk my dog, I usually always feel bark on a tree because that just helps ground me. It helps me feel the nature, feel the earth. It's simple. Right. But it's a rich it's, you know, it's I think because you could call it a ritual. Yeah. It's not. It's simple, but I just I always will touch at least one tree every morning with her. Mhmm. Yeah. So just finding ways to help remind us Yeah.
When we're not invited most of our life, most of our day. Yeah. And I'd love to build on that for tuning into pussy. That's is going next. So let's go there. Yeah. Our favorite talk. That's right here on the logon doc. I've just really benefited so much from what you're talking about in terms of building routine and ritual where I am placing my attention, bringing that attention to my pussy, to that place, the actual physical place, to my vulva, to that that whole sex center throughout the day.
So before I get out of bed in the morning, noticing just how is my pussy? What's how am I feeling? You know, sometimes like, is there any information there? Is there something, you know, is there discomfort? Is there pleasure? Is there tightness? Just, and again, noticing with approval, coming back in the middle of the day. Oh, what's happening with my pussy? And just, just checking in. And what I've learned over time is that the more my attention is going there, the more I'm actually feeling.
So if anybody's interested in trying this, I would recommend don't give up. If you start this practice and aren't feeling much because it's new and and because of many aspects of our history, we might experience numbness or even sort of fear or repulsion. Right? We're we're taught in many cultures that this is some dirty part of our body to be ashamed of. And so it's natural to have a lot of resistance to something like actually tuning into your pussy.
And I would encourage people to stay with it and to just be present with no judgment to whatever comes up because it seems like our pussies are there ready to be attended to, ready to be in relationship with us, and it can take some time. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. One of the things that our friend who goes by Lotus Aphrodite and I do when she and I ski and snowboard, We will sometimes run experiments where we're like, well, we'll ski, snowboard down the mountain, and then we'll say, okay.
Well, what do we do this time? We're gonna lead from our pussy. And we'll, like, drop into, like, that feeling and actually, like like, ride down the mountain with, like, great attunement to that part and, you know, just combining, like, pleasure of snowboarding with pleasure of pussy. It's a really bloom. Practice. Okay. Womb. Because womb from them one of my practices is coming home, coming into womb. And so I opt in. We'll orient around my womb and checking in and going home.
But, yeah, skiing from my womb. Yeah. I always feel confident, secure, grounded. Right. Yeah. It's a really different experience. So, like, in day to day life, you know, I think it's so easy for people to just be like, okay. Well, what if I take a walk and just, like, really tune into this part of myself? Like, you did such a good job with talking about integration and of, like, pleasure into your daily life.
And so we can integrate, you know, pussy, like you're saying, into our daily life to just bring more awareness there. And just that awareness, like, where the mind goes, like like, the body will follow. Right? And so bringing that awareness there is one mechanism for really helping with that numbness. Yeah. Yeah. And I think about it. Pussy is not only about pleasure. Right? Pussy is about it's our creative Center. Yeah. So Yeah. Center of life force.
Mhmm. And are we relating to it, tuning into it in that way most of the time? I would say most women are not. Probably not, I guess. Not that. So we need our girlfriends to do things like, yeah, how are we gonna ski down the mountain? I love that. Well, yeah. Sad. Really. And I like how you said too there's a readiness there that she's ready. Right. Yeah. Right? It might take time. Totally.
Anytime we're checking out the body, if it's something that isn't typical for us, numbness can almost likely be expected. Right? So just having grace with that. Mhmm. But that doesn't mean, oh, it's not working for me. It just means great. Pause. Tomorrow, check back at Yeah. Tomorrow, and it will come, and she will. Yeah. That that she's there's so many messages there. Yeah. There is, like, this readiness. Every time I check-in, especially with my pussy, it's like, oh, hey.
She just feels so eager. Us. Told Like, there's an yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. Well, and another thing that you said that is, like, kind of combining something that you told me a while ago, Ruby, which is so you mentioned, Sapphire, about, like, shame and about, like, oh, we carry almost this lineage, I feel like, of women of so many years where it was there's all this shame and there was this hysteria movement and all of this, like, kind of movement of, like, disconnecting to this part of our physical body, our spiritual body in many ways.
And then, Ruby, you were the one that that brought to my awareness the root of the word pudendal. The iudendal nerve, which is the nerve that innervates the pelvic floor. Right. So it's the nerve that carries that conduction to the pelvic floor. And and I've talked about this on this podcast once before, inspired by you. But I think because you mentioned that and just to bring that whole piece together around where this comes from around, like, that gentleness. Right?
Because like you said, like, go slow, be gentle, and I think some of that is because of that we carry a lot of this shame. And so the nerve, if you wanna share well, has these roots. And so I learned this from Gil Headley who is if anyone's interested in the body, understanding the body, definitely go to GilHeadley.com. I have to put a plug. He's incredible. He's been doing dissections for over thirty years and holds, like, the deepest level of reference for the human body.
And, so he's who I learned this from, but he the pudendal nerve, the background, the Latin root is around shame. It means to shame. And so how curious is it, right, that the naming of our an anatomical parts of the nerve itself that is innervating, that's giving this, I don't wanna say life force, but right the inner like, this part of our body, our pelvic floor from a very puritanical standpoint is literally shame isn't that's the root of the name.
Wow. Right. And so I forget what he's he's him and a several other in the Rolfin community and the fascial community have been working to rename officially this nerve, and I forget what they're calling it. Yeah. I forget what you told me. Yeah. I I don't remember it right now off the top of my head. But that there is in the in that world, there is work and momentum to try to actually get this nerve renamed. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's nerve. Yeah. Watch out. Right. Yeah. Steve. Power.
Plus. So we'll have to look that up and put that in the show notes. What are their what name they're moving working to move forward with and and then within their my community, what we're just referring to it with ourselves Yeah. Until it's officially, hopefully, renamed. Yeah. And the takeaway point for me is just like like what you're saying. It's like just that, oh, yeah. We have this history. Like, that's it's in the name.
So you're feeling numbness, if you're feeling, like, shame, you're feeling any of these things, like, it's no surprise. Right? We're repatterning how we are approaching this part of our pleasure body. Yeah. And there's a lot of history to repattern down to how we've been looking at this part of our body medically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a revolution. It is. That's it. It's a reclamation. Oh, sorry. Your reclamation. Yeah. Yeah. Read that book for sure.
Yeah. Is there anything else you guys want to leave us with in this episode today? You feel anything was not said. I I wanted to add just to what you just said that something that happens for me when I'm doing this practice of tuning in with my pussy is sometimes it can be very emotional and scary. Sometimes I feel grief. Sometimes I feel desperation. I feel any type of sadness or embarrassment, and that it's I also find that to be an invitation just to be Yeah. What is. Right?
So I don't go to that place and and feel grief and say, like, hey. No. You're supposed to be pleasure. Right? Like, that is also not what the the energy of pussy is about. Yeah. Yeah. There's actually an authentic truth there that I realize I may not be allowing myself to sense into because I'm busy and thinking about many things in my day, etcetera. But there's there's this sort of rootedness of something that needs to be experienced in my system.
And so my my now, however imperfectly, my practice is to attend to what's there and not try to make it something different. Yeah. It's good to name that. Yeah. It is good to name that. I also I have a similar experience, I think, but, like, it in womb or which literally be center point of of pelvis or pussy. There's there's there's a different energy between the two, but, yeah, just a broad spectrum of emotion. It's not just, oh, I tune in there and then, yes, with time, I'll feel pleasure.
It's and maybe, you know, I don't know your ex point, but sometimes it'd be like, oh, there's grief and there's pleasure. There's maybe there's a sense for me of when I'm tuning in from that point, if there's grief or sadness or anger, there's some sense at least for me also that it feels good, though. Yeah. And I think that has to do because we're in resonance and in truth with ourself. Right. Yeah. Versus deny. Yeah. Yep. So Yeah. Resonance and truth with ourselves. Right.
Mhmm. Mhmm. That's a good place to end. A castle teacher. Oh, thank you, ladies. Thank you so much for being here on the to us. It's your flesh. Yeah. What is a fleshy? Yes. It is a fleshy. Yes. Literally. And so. And thank you everybody for tuning in to another episode of the Girlfriend Edition. If you like this style, please do comment. Please do share this with your with your friends. Please do let us know. I wanna know what is what you are enjoying, what you would like to see more of.
So if you like the style, please do let me know. I would appreciate that. Sign up for the four day libido jump start deep dive. Have better sex in four days. That's what we're working on here in a few weeks, totally for free. Discount code below. So sign up. Tell your friends.
I'd like to see everybody there because, really, when it comes down to it, who does not want to have better sex, better pleasure, and really better connection with theirselves, with the world around them, and with the people they love? This is another episode of LaVita Lounge. It's been fabulous to have you all. Thank you so much. Just reminding you to stay classy, stay sexy, and stay a little badass y. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
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