Welcome to the libido lounge. We focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge. I'm your libido expert, Doctor. Diane, and I have a great treat for you today. Psychologist and sex and relationship expert and new friend of mine, Leah Spassova, is on the show with me today, and we're gonna talk about pleasure.
We're gonna talk about society programming around pleasure, about prioritization of pleasure, and what truly is happening to us as humans when we just pass over pleasure. And it's just this afterthought that we don't attend to. And we're gonna get into the nitty gritty of what that actually means for your health, your wellness, your relationship, your happiness, and so much more. So, Leah, welcome to the show. So happy to have you. And tell us a little bit about yourself and just your journey.
How did you get introduced into the sexology world? You have a great website that we'll put in the show notes called Life's Explicit. How did you create that? Just kinda give us the background if you would, please. First of all, thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to chat with you again and, create with you as well.
And the the long story short is that I was just very lucky to grow up in a sex positive family and grow up having questions about sex and relationships just like every other kid, and my questions were always answered as a matter of fact. Nothing to be a big deal. I was never made to feel shame or guilt around it, by being asked, like, where did you hear this? Or who told you that? Or you're too young to know or any of that.
So, I just, you know, grew up curious and learning and became the sexpert for all of my friends from a very early age because I was nerd as well as to where I am, learning about these kind of, topics from people, from books, from, nongovernment organization that I joined when I was 14, and they took us on trainings on healthy relationships, toxic, domestic abuse and violence, drug use and abuse. All these things I've been learning since I was, like, that young.
And when I went into the psychology field, mental health field, I still found myself answering phone calls and text messages from friends from back when I was a teenager saying, oh, Leah, how do I deal with this, and what happens when I do x, y, zed? All about sex and relationships. And at a crisis in my, work when I was working in mental health, which is atrocious in The UK, I just realized I needed to listen to myself and to the people, around me, what I'm good at and, going to that.
So I ended up going into sex and relationships and, opening my private practice. And years later, as you mentioned, the Life's explicit website, I have a full practice. I keep getting great referrals. And, quite a lot of the time, I have a wait list because people are so keen on working with me, when they hear and see the results that I achieve. And I'm like, hey. There's such a need for us sex and relationship professionals.
And, I just want everybody to be able to access sex and relationship support. So, that's why I created Life's Explicit, and I invited colleagues to join the website to be promoted on the website and found by their ideal clients because I don't have all the expertise. You know? And I want people to find what they need. Yeah. I love your story.
It's like in in many ways, this profession seemed like it just found you through your own interest and knowledge and just, like, the direction of you just learning about sexology and and studying the the art of sex and people asking you. So I love that I love that it found you in many ways. And let's jump into our questions today. So my first question for you is is something that we talked about briefly offline, which is censorship. Right?
And and I'm sure I imagine I shouldn't say I'm sure, but I imagine that you've experienced what I have in being a sexologist is that there's a lot of censorship that happens even in just, like, promoting our work in the world. Right? So there's so much censorship around what you can say on social media and what you can advertise online. And how does the level of censorship that we're seeing, how does it actually influence us from a standpoint of healthy sex and being able to talk about it?
And what do you feel like would happen if we really started having better policies around this? So what would, like, say, future generations of of women, of humans experience if we really took away some of the this intense censorship that's going on? The censorship is brutal.
I mean, I keep saying comedians have more freedom of speech to talk about getting laid and getting, you know, sucked off or whatever, than than we do when we open our mouth and start talking about healthy sex and relationships and and how people can have them. We get banned, and people don't know about this. That's one of the reasons why I created LifeExplicit so that it's a censorship free space where you can actually find resources by professionals.
And when it comes to the future of it, the future is bleak considering, the the world going far right and more polarized. I was just talking to, another, podcaster. She's a sex worker and a content adult content creator. And I said to her, these companies, the world of consumerism does not profit when you're happy. They profit when you're insecure, when you're detached, when you're full of horrible things. You know? That's when you're the best consumer.
That's when you're gonna buy this next thing that would make you feel better for, like, an hour or a night or whatever it is. We're when we are happy, we're having a picnic that costs nothing, with our loved ones. We're making love all night long. We show up joyful, and we're not doomscrolling. You know? We're not shopping. And people need to realize that if we are to have a future without censorship, everybody should be clued in on why this is happening because it's not for your protection.
It's for their profits. And, to make sure that people understand how do they avoid censorship. How do they stay connected to us? And how would a world look like if we had no censorship, no oppression? Well, it will be more, like, closer to utopia than the dystopia that we live in. People will be connected. People would have a lot of pleasure in their life and joy. A lot of women would enjoy their bodies. They will be healthier.
They will have a lot more sex because in a society where we talk about sex and relationships, men and women are interested in pleasure rather than due to sex and are actively pursuing, connecting, and having pleasure. Right now, it's just like, oh, let me just have a quickie and and be done. I'm like, are you kidding me? Like, you can have a full night of pleasure. People's idea of sex is so limited.
And I'm like, oh, it's like going to a buffet and staying in one corner of it and think, yeah, that's all the food there is. Well, it isn't Exactly. Look up. Yeah. I think that's where, you know, people get bored so much and, you know, with sex and just throw in the towel, and it becomes just, like you said, this, like, three minute experience, and everybody gets in their sexual script that I do x, you do x, he does x, she does x, they do x, and, like, then it's over. Right?
And it's just like it's just this script that just gets repeated over and over and over again. And and, frankly, like, you know, if, like, you're staying in the buffet like you said, if you're in that one corner and all you eat is chicken salad, it could be really good chicken salad. But if you eat it and that's all you eat, I don't care how good it is, you're gonna get bored with it. So that's a really, really great analogy.
And another thing you're making me think about as you're you're chatting is this, like, human tendency for moving either towards pleasure or away from pain as, like, motivation. And when you're talking about, like, consumerism and and all that, like, what I hear in a lot of your saying is, like, oh, yeah.
We we capitalize oftentimes around most humans are more motivated around running away from their pain, around, like, getting out of pain than the other motivating factor, which can be towards pleasure.
So what do you think would happen in, you know, in a society where we started really prioritizing pleasure, where we really, like, put it as a priority, where we say motivated ourselves, not just away from pain because none of us wanna suffer, of course, but if we really also added on top of that that drive to pleasure and prioritize that, like, how do you think, like like, things would change for people, like relationships, health, you know,
just especially for women, like, where would how would their their lives potentially change if they reoriented this way? I would I would have to start a little bit further back. Yeah. To to the back to the consumerism. And I wanna highlight, if people haven't read, two classic books, 1984 by George Orwell and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, they should read them.
Because I feel like governments of today have read these books that are dystopians, that depict a horrible world and have gone, that's a great manual to create the world by. Right. Who should read these books? The reason why I'm saying this is, yes, people are motivated to run away from pain. They are still motivated by pleasure, though. So, buying something from Amazon or or Gucci or or wherever, it still promises pleasure, and you still have satisfaction by getting it.
So we are sold pleasure and satisfaction, but these are fleeting. We are sold confidence that's, in a dress or in a car. It is not part of us. This is not the real us. So the reason that I highlight sex is, you know, used to sell everything from a perfume to a bag to a car to fucking Marmite. Alright. Honestly, if you haven't seen the Marmite advert that's so sexualized, you should. But the reason why they use sex is because they know the power of sex.
Because through sex, we get so much connection, confidence, pleasure, sense of identity even of someone who's loved and respected and cherished and appreciated. Even if it's a one night stand, you still feel appreciated for whatever happened that night, with, you know, all they thought I'm sexy. Good. You know? So whatever it is, they sell everything through sex because they know that sex is the one thing that can give us all of those feelings. All of these desires get fulfilled through sex.
But they don't want us to experience sex because then we don't buy the car, the dress, the blah, the blah. So they do sell us what we want, except it's fleeting and it's fake. And if we are to live in a actually pleasure filled life, and and world, you would have far less stuff in your house. You would have a lot more relationships. You would have a lot more time off from work. This is where I'll plug in another book called Civilized to Death, and it's, by Christopher Ryan.
It's definitely worth reading. But the point is we keep buying things and consuming because we're unfulfilled. Imagine being completely unfulfilled. You have the the comforts of your life, you know, your house, your car, etcetera. But now you have more connection with the people in your life because they have social skills, because they have relationship skills, because the intimacy between you is great.
You're more likely to, as I keep saying, grab that blanket, grab a book, go sit on the beach, listen to a podcast together, discuss it, you know, get home, make love, have dinner. You know? Keanu Reeves has this tiny video of, like, what is the perfect world, perfect day for him. And he says wake up, have sex, have breakfast, go for a motorcycle ride, have sex, have lunch. And that's the whole, And I'm like, yeah.
Because when you have your basics and you have the connection, you will have a lot of pleasure in your life. You will be more connected. And I'm not talking about, you know, addiction to sex or anything like this. This is a completely different topic.
I'm talking about when you're connected, when you're at peace, and when when you're not paying off yet another thing or credit card, you have the capacity to enjoy your body, to enjoy your your partner, and to have better relationship because you would work on yourself, and you they would do the same. I appreciate that so much. It's such a important awareness of that connection of, you know, what are we trying to fill ourselves with if we are devoid of that?
I said, and like you said, we're on Amazon. We're buying this, and it's cool for a second. We get a dopamine hit. Like, it feels exciting. It's it's like hanging that really great new picture on the wall in the first week. It's awesome, and it makes you so happy. And then a week later, it blends into the wall, and you don't even notice it really. Exactly. You know? So it's like that that fleeting type of pleasure. What about, like, other things you've noticed?
Like, have you noticed that when people focus on more pleasure, have you noticed anything in their health or in their career improve or change? Yeah. Oh my god. Massively. I a while back, a couple of years ago, I was invited to speak to CEOs and entrepreneurs in Oxfordshire in The UK where I lived. And I held a talk about the return on investment when a company invests in their employee's sex and relationship well-being. And I I started with some rhetorical questions.
I was like, have you ever had such an amazing connection and a sexual and intimate experience with someone that you felt like you can conquer the world, that you felt full of zest, full of, you know, positive vibes and and desire to just do stuff because you felt so capable and confident. And people are, like, nodding their heads. Right? And I'm like, okay.
Well, have you had those other moments when you're absolutely disconnected and upset with your partner and you had a role and you go to the office, and the whole day you're just thinking how else you could have shut them down or told them off or whatever. And you are definitely not productive one bit. And they laugh, and they're like, yeah. Yep. Exactly.
Like, so do you get me now when I say if you invest in your employees' sex and relationship well-being, when they show up at work because they have been connecting with their partners at home and it's being healthy and good, they come recharged and happy. If if there's drama at work and they have a supportive partner at home, that drama, they would deal with it way better. Mhmm. Rather than drama at work, drama at home, nothing gets done.
And I keep saying there's a lot of power in sexuality and being connected to yourself, serving yourself, being compassionate to yourself, and allowing yourself that pleasure and being, quite brutal even with who you let in your life. Yeah. Because the person that's next to you as a partner or if you're a programmer is the people, they will create a huge percentage of your life's experiences. Mhmm. There is benefits when it comes to work.
You will be more connected, more, full of zest and and capable. Health wise, oh my god. You know how much of our health is dependent on us being healthy Yeah. In our relationships. And not only that, but biologically, sex makes us fitter because it's a physical exercise. Best form of exercise, if you ask me, is benefits in terms of your mental health as well, because you're not feeling disconnected. You're not feeling sad. Depression is gonna stay away.
I genuinely believe that if we we handle better relationship skills and better intimacy skills, so depression and anxiety will be way, way, way far away from us. Yeah. There's I'm not a medic, but I see it. There's a massive connection between being sexually fulfilled and having a healthy relationship and being healthy in body, mind, and spirit.
Yeah. That's beautiful and well summed up and I think there's a lot of just awareness to the large amount of benefits from this around and and the importance of getting the censorship out. Right? Because I think people do truly think of sex as just this moment. Oftentimes, that happens maybe once a week, maybe once a week a month, maybe once a year, last a few minutes, and then, you know, and then moving on.
And it really is a part of health and happiness as much as, you know, good water, good food, all those kinds of things. So I know we're at time today. I wanna make sure everybody knows how to get ahold of you, and you have a free gift for our audience. I wanna make sure to talk about that.
And and also to remind everybody that, remember, in in 2025, we're doing the same thing that we did in 2024, which is that we are paying attention to whoever gets the likes most most likes, downloads, etcetera, across all of our channels, and that person will be invited back in December for a deep dive on their topic where we can go a lot deeper. You can submit your questions ahead of time, and and we can have a lot more fun. So please do spread the word for Leah. Download her episode.
Share it around because I know I would love to have you back. And but before we say goodbye, please tell us about this this gift you're giving us as well as how people get ahold of you. The gift is, an ebook, called the three secrets to a pleasure filled life. And, it's available on my website. You can find me on Life's Explicit, or if you just Google my name, I'm very Googleable. You can approach me in on my website or on life's explicit. It doesn't matter.
And I encourage you if what we've been talking about here and what Diane has, you know, to teach you in every single episode, And you're thinking, oh, I I need support with this. Please seek support. The world depends on us building those skills and having, those intimate connections that, you know, fill us with joy and prevent us from putting yet another, I don't know, painting or, unneeded watch on the credit card. We need more connection in the world.
And if you need help, I would definitely recommend people to go to Life's Explicit to find me, to find you, and any other professional and resource they may want to to check out. So that's my my closing. Like, you deserve pleasure. You deserve great relationships. Don't deny yourself a single day anymore. I love it. What a great conclusion. And and we'll have all these links, everybody. We'll have all these links in Leah's show notes here.
And, you know, sometimes I ask people to tell about their opt in, but I think your opt in is very clear. Like, three big secrets to a pleasure filled life. Like, I want those secrets. I imagine everybody else does too. So please go find out what those secrets are, what steps you can do right away to get that yourself moving towards that pleasure free life, please do check out Leah's website. And, again, all of that will be in the show notes. And thank you everybody for listening today.
It's such a pleasure to be with you once again. And this is doctor Diane signing off here reminding you to always be classy, always be sexy, and always stay a little badass y. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.