Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode on the libido lounge. I'm your host libido expert, Doctor. Diane. And I'm so excited to have another expert in the field with me, Doctor. Jenny Tofankian, another naturopathic doctor at stress, libido, hormones, and more expert. We're gonna talk about so much good stuff today, you guys.
We're gonna talk about things that are gonna turn your libido on, turn your libido off. We're gonna talk about how to find those things, the power of the mind, actionable steps, and more. So welcome, welcome, welcome, doctor Jenny. I'm so excited to have this conversation with you. Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here and to talk with all of you beautiful people. So what makes you so excited about this topic?
Like, tell me what kinda turned you on personally about the the topic we're talking about today. I work with people who are really chronically ill like you do, and I've been working in the field of chronic fatigue. And I just see so many women feeling like they're too exhausted to be able to enjoy having sex anymore. And that can be a great marker to mark where your energy is, and it's something that we talk about in clinic.
But I really find that sometimes it just gets so complicated in women's mind, and they start really losing their sense of power and their sense of who they are in the world when they disconnect from their passion and from their libido. So I love to see women begin to reconnect with that beautiful passion so that they can feel the power in their own body again. I love this so much, and let's jump right into that.
So when we're talking about about things that are unique to the individual, right, so I think we can read online so many times like, oh, this aphrodisiac food or this aphrodisiac this, and it's like, oh, oysters are everywhere. Right? Because oysters have zinc, and it's like, oh, this aphrodisiac is right.
But I know a lot of people are like, you put an oyster in their mouth, and that's gonna slay their libido as we're talking about today because it's like, a lot of people like them, and a lot of people don't. They're slimy. They're gross. And so when we're talking about the uniqueness of the individual, right, how do we begin to have this conversation around libido slayers versus libido inducers?
Yeah. So I think that in this consumer's culture, we tend to wanna grab a lot of things that are outside of us to make us feel better. We're really conditioned that we need this new car. We need this new outfit. We need this new body before we can feel sexy and powerful inside ourselves. The truth is that the real power for how we feel comes from inside of us. And so what is it that's going on in your mind?
That is that in do that inducing that libido in you versus what is that thing that's going in your mind? That is that libido slayer. Like, you and I know that stress is a huge libido stri slayer. I mean, you wanna talk about, you know, you're sitting there with your partner and you're talking about the bills. What happens to your libido? You know? It tanks. And, unfortunately, you're doing that right before you have that date, and you know it's not gonna go well. Right?
You know, what can you do to catch yourself in that mental process so that you can flip the switch and know what it is that triggers in your body that kills your libido and what it is that makes you feel better in your own cells so you can feel sexy again? Yeah. It's I'm I'm thinking about even in that like, to take that example even further. Right? Like okay. So there's few different things, say, from, like, that, say, Slayer standpoint in this example.
If somebody has a specific link thing like a bill that, say, triggers this whole, the beta to fall. So in my mind, there's few different ways we can handle that. Right? We can handle it by, say, pretending that bill is a check, right, and psychologically convincing ourself it's a check. But there's other ways we can handle, you know, something like that too.
So let's so let's say how do people begin to understand what their unique things are as far as what's gonna turn down their libido, like this bill example. And then in the things that we can't avoid, like, we're gonna sometimes get bills Yeah. Out of human existence. Right? So in the things that we can't avoid and we know that these are they're libido slayers, how can we work with these these things better to still stay connected to our sensual body and to our libido?
I think each one of you who's listening right now has your own individual list of what's a libido slayer. And I would invite you either right now or after you listen to this podcast to grab a piece of paper and a pen and start thinking about it. And you'll start coming up with more and more over the next few weeks of noticing when your libido just dives. Like, I know for myself that talking about money, sometimes talking about environmental destruction just is a real sex killer for me. You know?
When the kids the kids waking up in the middle of the night, you know, with with being sick, that kinda kills the libido as well. You know? There's certain things that I know that there's some inside my control and outside my control. Knowing beginning to map out what yours are is the first step to feeling empowered.
Now I I like the idea of flipping that bill to a check, but I also have to say I'm kind of, I don't think just brushing over everything and making everything look shiny and pink and pretty is the way to go.
There's a certain place where we have to acknowledge when things are hard and and honor that struggle right there in that moment and honor it, but it only needs to be honored for a short period of time before we can then use that energy of that grief or upset or fear or whatever, and flip it into something and use that energy to start feeling positive again. And I'd say as well as having that list of what are libido slayers also create the list of what are your libido inducers.
And again, what are yours? Like each one, you know, you who's listening, what are your libido inducers? What turns you on? It's gonna be different for everyone. You know, myself, you know, I love to be out when I feel connected to my inner self and I feel connected to my body, then I feel much better. And I and my libido goes up. You know? If I can dance, if I can be in water, all those things. How about you? What are you what are yours?
Oh, first, just a comment on what you just said because I think it's so important, this this concept of, like, on like, acknowledging those hard times. Right? Because I think, like so it's, like, one of the reasons why I don't like I shouldn't say I don't like, but I think affirmations have their limitations. Right? Because in this example, right, we could say, like, like, oh, I am I'm abundant. I'm abundant. I'm abundant as we're staring at this, like, $5,000 bill. Right?
And we can say, I'm sexy. I am sexy. I am sexy after we've eaten too much at dinner, and we feel so bloated, and we just wanna get into our pajamas. Right? Right. And so there's that element of just feeling I think I just wanted to name that because I think it's so important of, like, allowing ourselves to feel the the things, the hard things instead of pushing them away. But then, like like, you're suggesting, like, being able to flip out of that Right.
More and more quickly with a better transition while still always acknowledging that challenge. Right? Exactly. Right. Exactly. Yeah. And there's a lot of patterning that goes on in the unconscious brain that we talk about when your summit is coming out. Right? We go into that and how much that subconscious mind can impact what you're thinking.
And if you're having a negative tape going in your head about, oh, I'm so fat or I'm so broke or I'm so, you know, nobody likes me or I'm not good enough. If you have those tapes going consciously or unconsciously, that's a libido slayer. I'm telling you right now, that's a libido slayer. No matter how much you say those affirmations, I'm sexy. I'm sexy. That's five percent of your brain. The 95% is going, I feel really fat. You know, that's not gonna work. You know?
You need to you need to you need to marry your conscious and unconscious mind to really have the power to impact change in your body and in your in your in your field. Yeah. I think the exercise you're describing is so powerful. Right? Because, like, having a few weeks where you're just kinda taking notes, like, not judging, like, what's coming through, the slayers, the inducers, but just becoming more aware because sometimes we don't even realize, like, oh my gosh.
Like, when I've done exercises like this or I'm like, I feel bloated. I feel bloated. Like, it's like when I was going through various digestive problems, it was crazy how many times in a day I would say in my mind, like, I feel bloated. I feel fat. Right. And it's just like, I have no idea how much that was going through my mind until I wrote it down. I was like, well, that was, like, 75 times today. Holy cow. Right? Yeah. Right.
And so that you know, for, like, a Slayer, that's a big one for me is how I feel in my body. Like, if I don't keep up with exercise and keep up with, like, the day to day, you know, my day to day self care routine Mhmm. Mhmm. It can slide for, you know, for a little while, but not very long before I just don't feel as tone, and I just don't feel as connected to my body, and my libido just goes way down with that.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think you're also bringing up another good point is that when we stay committed to ourselves in terms of whatever our routine is, whatever your if your self care routine is doing facials or your self care routine is doing the hit workout or your self your routine is doing your meditation, whatever your commitment to yourself is, or maybe it's, you know, just being with your kids, whatever that is, when you stay committed to that routine, it builds self esteem.
It you know, you are you were saying, yes, I matter. I matter. And when we matter, we feel better in ready to connect with somebody else on the most vulnerable, intimate level. Yeah. Exactly. And I think what you're bringing up there too is, like, when we are in that state more of, like, filled up, that state of readiness, that state of vulnerability, there's also that safety. Like, usually, if we're in that state, there's also a sense of, like, we feel safe in ourselves.
We feel safe in our connections and or or at least resource enough where it's like if we don't feel, say, emotionally safe with our partner, then we're resourced enough internally to address maybe that libido slayer. Because I thought that's where another thing I see is, like, a huge libido slayer is that feeling of unsafety. Right? Like Right.
Like, so for do you see, like, with people you work with, do you see any sort of, like, emotions that are commonly libido slayers if they're not, like, addressed and brought to the surface and are just kind of, like, there in the, you know, kind of on the subconscious mind playing out that way?
Yeah. Absolutely. Well, I think when people are really chronically ill, which most of my patients are when they first come to see me with chronic fatigue, long COVID, that kind of thing, there's already this the limbic brain has already been triggered into the sense of I'm not safe. Like, the messages have already come up from the cells to the brain that I'm not safe.
And pretty much everything kinda feels like an attack on the nervous system, and you don't even know if you have energy to get through your day. So there's this real sense of lack of control, Like, I don't have power over my body in the sense of of unconscious fear. And there can also be the anxiety. All of those things are massive libido slayers as you know. You know, consciously and unconsciously. Right? You know? There is an aerobic aspect to some types of sex.
Yes. And the body is just going, no. I don't have the energy for that. So there's a lot of those pieces. And I think that, when we're working with the and when we're doing on subconscious work when I'm doing subconscious work with my patients I'd say that there are some really core things that often come up around self worth and around around or really around that safety and self love and self worth. And those are the biggest things that we can work on to shift. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
And that's that brings up, like, another reason why I just love this topic of libido so much because so many things. It's like libido is almost I feel like when it's it's almost like a flag when our libidos look. It's almost like a flag, right, of something else, you know, some other imbalance in our life, in our relationships, in our ourselves. Right. And so that sign, it's like and I had a patient this past week that we were working with for Lyme disease and that sort of thing.
And the moment we we I sent her for a nutrient, NADIV. Mhmm. And that moment after the NAD, she's like she's like, I'm horny for the first time. I'm here. Right? Because she had agitated. Right? So it's, like, so so amazing when we get those fundamental root causes fixed, what Right. Yeah. I totally agree.
For me, it's it's a flag, and it's I think where you and I are really, you know, simpatico with this is that we've been working with these chronically ill patients for decades, and we both always checked in with people's libido because we know it's such an important marker, especially if it's changed for them. And, you know, did it get worse? And also we're marking it as it gets better, and you're right. And the other thing I love about this libido issue is that it's not just the physical body.
It's also the emotional and the energetic body. Like, it it interweaves all three layers. And for us who work on all those layers, it's it's part of the detective work to figure out, okay, which layers are being impacted so that the libido isn't where we want it to be. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. All of that.
And I wanted, make sure that we talk a tiny bit more about the inducers and also mention to everybody this really cool inducer, libido inducer recipe guide you're giving out to everybody, and we'll have information on how to find that you guys in the show notes from this episode. So tell us a little bit about that and talk we can talk a little bit bigger about anything else you wanna say about, like, the inducers, the things that rev the libido up.
Yeah. Well, I think that when we're talking about inducers again for me, sure, there's the oysters and there's the creams and there's essential oils and all that stuff. I mean, and literally your external environment does have an impact. I mean, you're sitting on those that lovely fur chair right now. I mean, isn't that just a little bit sensual? Right? You know, like super fabrics on my skin than others. Right?
I mean, those things are all important, but truly it is about what is going inside of you. So I find the biggest inducer is when you can actually begin to shift your unconscious mind, your subconscious mind into knowing that you are truly beautiful no matter what your no matter what is going on with your body right now, no matter what form it came into in this lifetime, no matter what it is, you're truly beautiful. You're truly worthy of of loving and being loved.
And that you just know that that is true in all of yourselves. And I find the most powerful way to do this work is like what we talked about mapping out, like, what are your triggers? What what brings you down? What brings you up and mapping that out and in practicing, like, catching yourself like, oh, I'm having that negative thought, and I'm not feeling so good anymore. How can I switch this into something better?
And and, yeah, for those who are interested in taking this a little bit deeper, I'm actually doing this thing for your audience, which I've never done before and may never do again, which is I'm I have a short little program that shows people how to get into their unconscious mind and actually begin to switch things, do quick reframes as well as deeper work. And I I show you four different methods that you can use on a day to day basis to begin to really rewire your brain.
So if that piques your interest, if that interests you, then check out the the links below because I'm gonna give you, like, the best discount I've ever given anybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really hope you guys will check that out because I think that's gonna help you guys assimilate all of this information and more, like, way deeper. So this is just the intro. And this is also just a prequel to more work that doctor Jenny and I have done together.
So coming up is our amazing sexual dysfunction summit. Doctor Jenny is one of my amazing speakers on the summit, so we're gonna have the best conversation. And you definitely will wanna show up to that because you'll be able to get so much more than we even were able to cover today. And so links on how to sign up for that summit, you can register for free. You can buy it and have it for life. Either way, there's information on that in the show notes below.
And you're just gonna get so many more resources. And all it's also gonna help you get out of these vicious cycles. Like, Like, you know, something you just said, doctor Jenny, that I really appreciate is this whole thing around self worth. Right? Because we see research where having sex improves self worth, but then we don't have self worth, then we don't typically wanna have sex. So it's like we get in this, like, hamster wheel how to get out of it.
And the conversations that we're having here, the conversations that we're having more with you at the summit, that's gonna go a lot more into some of these vicious cycles and how we begin to unravel them. So that's what I have for you guys today. Do you have any final action steps? I wanna make sure people know how to get ahold of you. That'll again be in the show notes. But anything else you wanna leave us with today?
I just want you to know that the power to shift your health is inside of you. It just is. And there are different ways to tap into that, and I I invite you to start exploring different ways so that you can feel fully empowered and embodied in this beautiful being that you are at this time. And, yeah, that's what I have to say. Great concluding words. I love it so much. I'm so grateful for you and all the collaboration. And, everybody, that's a wrap. That's another episode of the Libido Lounge.
Thanks for hanging out with us in the lounge, and remember to always stay classy, sexy, and a little badass y. Thank you for listening to the libido lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.