Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey, everybody. Doctor Diane here. Happy holiday season. Welcome back to another episode on the lounge. I am thrilled to be wrapping up this year with this episode. We're gonna talk about how to stay sexy around the holidays and your relationship, talk about gift ideas, some that you can purchase, some that are really cute homemade ways.
We're talking about just how to go through this holiday season and not just enjoy, hopefully, the fun, the family, the few the food, the marriness, but also coming back to connection more deeply, more sexy, more close to your partner and yourself. And before we do all that, I wanna let you guys know that this whole year, I've been saying vote for your favorite episode. Download it, share it, and then I'm going to invite the person that had the best the most downloads back.
And I am thrilled to announce that it is my very dear friend and intimacy expert, Susan Bratton, who we had an episode where she was talking about orgasms and talking about so many different ways to experience orgasm and pleasure, what to do when you're stressed, how to ask for what you want as a woman in your relationship, and more. So we're gonna really go more deeply into that, in a episode. She just confirmed that she will be coming back for a deep dive. I can't wait.
So look out for that episode. We will release that very early on in the New Year. We're gonna take December off from recording to be with, family and friends for the holiday season and reput together our plan for all the great content we have coming out for you in 2025. So let's begin with today's juicy episode. Those are all of my announcements for you. So the holidays can be, of course, a time of great stress, but they can also be a time to mix up some sexiness.
So I wanted to send you some ideas and go through some ideas for some homemade gifts that you could consider giving your partner as a way to just bring some novelty and some play back in the bedroom. So one of the first is a is getting a basket, putting all of your fantasies in in a basket, and allowing your partner to choose one that maybe you will gift them and gift the two of you during the holiday season.
You could even do something like create a calendar, right, where then once a month, if you put 12 fantasies in there, this could be a gift for the year. And so once a month, they pull a secret fantasy or out of a fantasy box, and you guys get to play and reenact that. You could also do something such as give them the, the ability to write down all of their fantasies. You can read them and choose the one that you resonate the most with to offer for them.
Another fun thing is to dress up in something fun and sassy and that feels makes you feel confident, and that can look a lot of different ways. But you could tape gifts, you know, ideas of gifts, like ideas of things you want to do together in the bedroom, maybe new things you wanna try. You can tape them all over your body, and it could be a self, like a like a, what is that word? I'm blanking on the word here, guys. It could be like a a scavenger hunt. That's what I'm looking for.
So it could be like a scavenger hunt over your body. You know, here, look there. You could play a game of hot and cold. You know? You could play a game of hiding sexy things around the house and playing a hot and cold game until they have found them. So those are some of my ideas for you. My favorite is, like, the basket idea and make it last throughout the year.
Would definitely take this time during the holidays to have a conversation too with your partner, especially if you've been pretty good about committing to intimacy. Sometimes it can fall away during the holiday season. So it also can be a really helpful thing to have a conversation advance around like, okay. How are we gonna stay connected during the holiday season?
And I find that it can be a really fun time to re like, start just being very attentive to those hugs in the morning, the hugs at night, and really embracing the hugs, you know, maybe even allowing your genitals to touch a little bit. You're, you know, really just sinking into each other's bodies. And we even see that with oxytocin. You know, I was doing more oxytocin research. You you guys hear me talk about that on this podcast a lot.
I was doing some more research on oxytocin this week and really looking at, okay, even with hugging. Right? Because we know a twenty second hug delivers more oxytocin, but there's actually more to it than that.
Like, the emotional state that we show up to a hug, how present we are to the hug, how much we drop into that embrace with whoever we're hugging, All, like so it's not just about, like, the length of the hug, but it's really about, like, the sheer quality and the presence that you have with the hug.
So during the holiday season, if there's not as much time to connect more intimately, Just making sure you are taking those moments to drop into that long hug, to look into your partner's eyes, to tell them all the amazing qualities they have about them. And it's another time, I think, moving into the New Year around what sort of New Year's resolutions would be great to carry into the New Year around your relationship. So it could be something as simple as, okay.
Well, I'm going start saying to my partner three things I love about them every day. Right? And I encourage you, the biggest thing we see with habits when it comes to New Year's resolutions and habits in general, You know, what happens so often with New Year's resolutions is that we make some sort of grand commitments. Right? And then we're really good for that first month, and then life gets in the way and it peters off.
So, really, what we see around habits and around making habits that last around making these resolutions more parts of our life is the tinier and more specific they are and the more actionable they are, the more they actually do stick. So oftentimes, people go wrong by saying something like in you know, from the libido space, it might be like, okay. Well, we are going to have sex three times a week. Well, in really busy weeks, that might not be realistic. Right?
So you want to commit to what feels like something that you can commit to even on those busiest of weeks to make sure that you have time to come together. I would encourage you as much as possible to make an intimacy date once a week. And if that's not realistic for you, though, follow that because habits that are met that where you get that where you put that habit into place and you get that reward because you successfully did that habit, those are the ones that really stick.
So if you're feeling like, wow, it's realistic for you to do an intimacy date every three weeks and that's the what you feel like in busy times you can commit to, I would do that. But then also work to try to add beyond that, But the idea is you want to commit that full commitment to something that you're actually going to meet and hopefully stretch it maybe a little bit, but that you can do it.
You can maintain it on the busiest of weeks because where people tend to fall, at least what we see in habit research, is when they overcommit, they get busy. And then once you fall out of that habit, then all of the old habits tend to just sink back in. So it's better to make a little bit of a less goal that you know that you can meet, and then you can make those stretch goals. Right? Those things that are like, okay.
That would be really cool if we did connect that often and still work to achieve that, but it's still a win if you meet that core foundational goal. So that's usually how people tend to make habits that actually are lasting, that stick, that they have, effectiveness that way. So in moving into the new year, making those intimacy goals with your partner, with yourself, being committed is very, very helpful for that.
And then let's go through some of my favorite gifts and stocking stuffers now for the New Year. So or for for the holiday season. So one of these, this one is, intimacy cards. So I can't remember if I showed you guys. I might have showed you guys some of this on one of the podcast earlier this year, but I just love these cards because these cards are anything from intimacy on your relationship.
So you can pull, like, a relationship card, and it's saying you know, this one that I just pulled, it says, what's your biggest fear for this relationship? Right? So the concept of these cards is anything from, like, sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy. Right? So we'll pull something that is a little bit more playful. So from the sexual intimacy, the first one I pulled is, what do you wish we did more of in our sex life?
But these can be really great converse like, questions too to help people get out of the almost that relationship right around, like, okay. We talk about the same things. We have the same sort of conversations. Sex looks similar. We're managing the kids, the household, the work, etcetera. And these can be really amazing, amazing, amazing ways to kinda break that state and get people out of it.
And the in the sexual intimacy cards are awesome because when it comes to questions like fantasy or your favorite things or what do you want more of, it really like, having a deck like this and coming together for the purpose of pulling a card like this, I find really it it just puts people in this space oftentimes of, like, curiosity. Right? Because this the the card deck is all about this open curiosity. It's about listening. It's about thinking creatively, answering more questions.
So great stocking stuffer. I'm gonna have links to everything I mentioned in the show notes below for you guys so you can easily find these for yourself. Another just lovely thing. So kava is an amazing herb, and kava will really help to calm anxiety. Kava actually works on the same receptors in our body, like something like Xanax, but it's an herb. It's not addictive. There's no, like, dependency that I've seen people develop around kava, and it tends to be very safe without side effects.
And, of course, always talk to your doctor about that. But kava is oftentimes served as a tea in order to get truly the herbal benefits that are relaxing, that get people in the mood, that just calm them so that they can be more present. Kava is an amazing herb for this. And the tea, though, is the traditional way to make kava. Kava tea is really, it just takes some time to brew properly because it takes a while for the the plant's, medicine to actually get into, say, a tea decoction.
And these pills, these COVID chill pills, I had just seen to be absolutely phenomenal. They work really, really well for calming the body. I noticed them when I take them. I actually took one earlier today because I was just feeling super busy in my head, and they're super you can be super present with them. It's just, you know, it's just an herbal medicine, and you can find these on Amazon. I put a link also in the description for it for you. So if you're feeling like, wow.
You know, so many times when getting ready for sex, maybe you're overwhelmed or your partner's overwhelmed. That's just the way to calm, to enjoy, to get into the moment. I really love these because of their impacts on the body without side effects. Okay. Let's get into a couple more playful things. So I want to introduce you to, this is Mystery Vibes Poco. I absolutely love this company. So Mystery Vibe, I love this company.
I've talked about them before because they do so much research on massagers and vibrators. They are FDA approved, many of their devices, because they have been showing that they help with prostate problems for men, vulvar pain for women. They can help women that have been, not orgasmic, get orgasms again. And so what's so lovely, which I love about this particular device, is it's really tiny, so it's very travelable. It's a great stocking stuffer, but it's also bendable. Right?
So you can bend it in these different directions. And then the other thing that's so great that I love about this company is they will it will come with, like, this very lovely guide on different positions. And, basically, we'll talk about, like, with couples play, what's the best way to use it as well as with solo play. So it's an it's a really, really lovely vibrator. It travels super well.
Because it's so tiny, it's so easy to use in combination with partner play because you can do a lot of different positions really comfortably with it. So that's wonderful. In that particular vibrator, I have, a coupon code for you. So if you're interested in that, that's from Mystery Vibe. Make sure you get the coupon code for that one. It's called the poco. The coupon code works for anything on Mystery Vibe's site though. And then this one is the Lioness.
So I've mentioned this one before on this, podcast as well. The Lioness is just absolutely lovely. So you can tell it's a rabbit shaped vibrator. So the shape is pretty normal, but this is a smart vibrator, meaning it connects through an app with your to your phone. And in this app on your phone, you'll actually be able to track arousal of orgasm. If you're doing this with partner play, you can see that in real time.
So it can be really helpful in partner play to help your partner understand, oh, like, down to the detail of, like, oh, this pressure, this vibration, this pace, right, can be can, really help. And with the the internal research that the lioness has found is that when people are using this, their arousal is going up, their orgasm quality is going up, their libido is going up because just like anything. Right? Like, we see this with all these tracking devices like the Fitbit.
When we track things, we do things better. Things get better. When people track their steps, they walk more. So, of course, when people track their orgasms, they have better orgasms. Right? There's no surprise there. So this is an amazing vibrator. Also, I have a coupon code for you in the show notes on that. That, again, is the Lioness. And then the last thing I wanna make sure to show you is one of my favorite lube companies. This is Phoria.
So the quickie kit is a phenomenal stuffing stocking stuffer. So the quickie kit has all of these different, components in it. The my favorite thing about FORIA is that it's an MCT oil base for their products. Remember, we wanna be very careful about what we're putting on our genitals because there's so many products out there. There's so many lubes out there that have toxins in them, and toxins are actually endocrine disruptors. Toxins can disrupt our hormones.
So we can be putting something on to help us feel sexier in the mood that, like, might work temporarily but might actually be disrupting our hormones. So we wanna be very, very careful about what we put on our lady bits and on our man parts because of that. So MCT oil is absolutely wonderful because it's natural, but it's also not a strong antimicrobial. Like, sometimes I hear people saying, oh, just use coconut oil.
Coconut oil is not really the best thing for lube because it is it is very antimicrobial, and we don't want all of this antimicrobial stuff in the vaginal canal. The vaginal canal has all of these healthy microorganisms. Right? We have a microbiome there, and that's keeping the vaginal canal actually really healthy. And so if we if we put something like coconut oil in, which is antimicrobial, what can wind up happening is the vaginal floor can actually get dysregulated.
And when that happens, we can wind up having the situation occur where all of a sudden, we're getting, say, either pain or we're getting UTIs or something just feels off in our vagina. So we don't want any of that. So m t c MCT oil is wonderful that for that. For you, they have their so many of their products, they have this arousal or oil that you can use for, like, sensual massage that's amazing and a CBD in it. Even their sex oil for actually play, intimate play has CBD.
CBD is just wonderful for, like, keeping that tissue healthy and not inflamed, right, especially as we age as humans. Really making sure that tissue is not inflamed is so important. And then one of my favorite parts of this is these intimacy melt. So the intimacy melt are these they're these little suppositories. So these suppositories, what they are is you actually insert them intervaginally, and it actually forms internal loop. And it's amazing.
Like, when I first tried these, I was really concerned that I was going to feel them or my partner was going to feel them, but they melted almost instantly. And it was wonderful because you can insert these ahead of play, and then you're not fumbling around for oil and and all of that in the middle of play. You're just ready to go, and the feeling is sensational. And the other thing, of course, with lube sometimes is sometimes it wears out and you have to reapply. Right?
I did not find that that you know, I've actually never found that with this the CBD with the, suppositories here. So it's a really, really lovely gift, and then it's in its, beautiful, beautiful kit. It says better sex starts here on the back. So just an all around great product to get accompanied with or acquainted to because they have such a great line and because their products are so natural, nontoxic, and really support the health of the microbiome. So you also have a coupon code for that.
That's for you in your show notes. So I wanna wish you guys all the best during this holiday season. It's been super wonderful in this twenty twenty four year to spend this year with you guys, really getting this information out, and we had so many great guests this year. Thank you again for your support of this podcast. Please do share this with anybody that could benefit from this.
It really does help me reach others that need this information because, ultimately, why I'm doing this podcast like, I don't know if I've told you guys, like, why I'm doing this. Like, there's a couple different reasons why I'm doing this. One is because in my early twenties, I was suffering from a lot of vulvar pain, and I was going to the doctors and had a lot of STD tests run. Luckily, they were negative. Had a lot of UTI tests run.
They were negative, which was good, but also annoying because I didn't know what was wrong. Right? Because it's like, okay. This pain was so severe. It was keeping me up at night, and I didn't know what was wrong. And so it was very frustrating. And I actually lived at a roommate. A friend of mine at the time had a masturbation practice that she was just very open with talking about. She would just talk about her masturbation practice. So one night, I had never really done that before.
And one night lying in bed, I decided to try that, and my pain went away. And that was really interesting to me and surprising. I was like, okay. Well, maybe that's just a chance. And the next night, I tried it again, and my pain went away again. Interesting. And it's three, four nights, and I did that. And all of a sudden, after a little while, I had no pain.
So that just, was, like, the first thing that got me really curious in pleasure because and that really, like, fundamentally from that, like, that's, like, one of the reasons. There's many reasons why I say that pleasure is not just about desire, but it's something we require because we actually can see that pleasure can help heal pain. Pleasure can heal wounds. Pleasure can help with bonding and pair bonding. And so that was a huge thing for me.
And, you know, there's several things throughout the year is, like, another thing that happened when I started studying neurolinguistic programming and Richard Bandler's work. And I was studying, with the studying through his lecture materials. And in one lecture, he's talking about how when he got married, he was saying that people would tell him that the sex was gonna get real bad and it was gonna get boring. Right? And he basically was like, well, this is weird.
Like, why would I keep practicing something and get worse at it? So I just really love that frame, and it also just opened up more curiosity to me around, like, right. Why would we practice something and get worse at it? Like, that doesn't make any logical sense at all. So that started me making me more curious too in novelty, in sexuality, in intimacy, in what happens in long term monogamous relationships, and what is the science behind when couples stay healthy and connected.
And, really, the, you know, the final main reason I could give you a lot of micro reasons, but the final main reason for this podcast is really in wanting to help couples