Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Everybody. Welcome back to another episode on the lounge today. We're talking about prioritizing self pleasure, personal pleasure in general. So this is a very challenging conversation, right? And this episode is coming right after the previous episode of juggling jobs and joy in part because it is a continuation of that. Right?
How do we continue to work pleasure into our lives when we are juggling so many things. So one of the first things to talk about when it comes to personal pleasure and to just ground us in how personal pleasure is related to libido. I don't know if you guys have ever gone through a breakup where you realize either one of two things can happen after a breakup, commonly to libido. Either libido completely just soars. Right?
Maybe you were in a relationship that had lost this luster a long time ago, and it was taking a lot of energy, and you get out of that relationship, and all of a sudden it's like, Woah, my libido is really back strong.
Or sometimes the opposite thing happens around, like, get out of a relationship and realize maybe you were just so focused on trying to fix the relationship, trying to make it work, and you didn't even totally realize perhaps until you got out of that relationship that, oh my gosh. Where did my libido go? Right? I gotta get my mojo back. So I've seen it work both ways where it's like that realization of low libido comes after a relationship or the libido really soars.
But the point is one of the things that oftentimes helps if you are feeling that low mojo is prioritizing your own pleasure. When we are actually doing more work on our own pleasure and taking control of that, we often will find that our libido gets better. So we get to have more sexual desire oftentimes by experiencing more sexual yumminess in our own self. And this is where self pleasure becomes really, really important, and I do talk about that throughout our channel.
But today, I wanna talk about something that is really important in the pleasure world, and I wanna talk about kegels. And I wanna talk and then some of you might be listening to be like, I already know what kegels are. Well, I'm gonna teach you a little bit more about kegels than you might know, which is kegels. A lot of times people think about using kegels for essentially toning the pelvic floor after pregnancy and child delivery.
A lot of times kegels are thought to be useful for things like urinary incontinence or prolapse, and all of those things are true. It can also help with pain, but it can also help with intimacy. When we are able to control our pelvic floor muscles, we're able to contract around the penis. Right? So in a sexual in a sexual instance, you're able to actually control a level of stimulation to your partner. And this is a way to also control how long they last, how long you have sex.
And so you can begin to fine tune if you start to feel them get really get harder inside of you and get closer to orgasm, you can actually change what you're doing by squeezing the muscles differently, relaxing, not squeezing so hard, and then increasing if you feel them go a little bit soft, you can increase those squeezes and increase that stimulation, which can create more of a responsiveness from their genital tissue.
So oftentimes, people are really taught Kegels very incorrectly and not very well at all. Sometimes we're just taught to, like, squeeze our pee muscles. Right? And so that is problematic for a few different reasons. One, there's more than just, you know, there's more muscles of the pelvic floor than just the muscles we urinate with. So that's not even getting to all of the muscles. Secondly, it's really hard to, like, have a sense, like, how hard am I squeezing? Am I contracting?
So this is one of my favorite devices. This is one of this device. So some of you guys are listening. Some of you guys are watching. So for those of you that are listening, I'm holding up a cable trainer device from plus one from plus one. And plus one is amazing sex massager and toy company. And, essentially, this is a it almost looks like the cable trainer, I would say, in some ways, almost looks like a sperm. Right?
So it has this this very, this bigger head and then this longer tail, and you actually insert this intravaginally. The tail of it is nicely hooked to leave a long part of it outside of your vagina, almost like a tampon string, and essentially then it comes with a remote.
And so what you do is you basically turn both of them on, you'll see them both light up and pair with each other, and then essentially when you have the the trainer device inserted intravaginally, you can actually squeeze against it and see how hard you're squeezing based upon how many lights are actually lighting up on the remote. So you can use this as a way of training yourself to say, oh, I am squeezing hard or not hard enough, and you can watch your progress.
And I tend to be motivated as I know a lot of people do by seeing that my effort is working. Right? It's like anybody that's started on any sort of new food program, it's like you change your diet, and so you clean it up, and you eat a lot healthier. If you notice that you get trimmer, you're feeling more more energized, your brain's clear, then usually it's fairly motivational to continue on the same lifestyle plan.
But if you're like, well, I'm not seeing any changes, then oftentimes it's less motivational, you know, from a standpoint of mental motivation to continue going on the same track. So that's what's so cool about this device from PlusOne is because we can actually see and you can actually because there's these little dots, and so you can actually see how hard you're squeezing intervaginally. You can see on the remote that you're holding in your hand how well this is working.
And so you can begin to use this as motivation around like, oh, I've done this for three weeks. Now I can reach another light on the remote. Right? Now my strength of my squeeze is increasing. So you can actually track your progress and results. And I love this because I just keep mine in my shower. Right? And so it's something that I'm doing my, you know, my Kegel devices while I'm scrubbing my hair with shampoo, while I'm waiting for the conditioner to set in. Right?
So it's built into my shower time, and so it doesn't feel like an extra thing to do. And because I keep mine in a little caddy, a shower can't caddy that I stare at when I'm taking a shower, so it's on the wall that basically my eyes are on when I shower, I actually then get that trigger to my memory to, like, oh, yeah. You better do your Kegel training.
And I've really seen over the years when I've been very good at doing any of these pelvic floor types of exercises very consistently, I've seen a huge difference sexually. And when I've talked to other women about this, it's one of the things that I've seen to be the most surprising to people is what can actually change sexually. So and this is something from, like, a personal pleasure, you know, prioritizing personal pleasure. It's also personal care.
And the cool thing about this, quite frankly, is once you're done with your kegels, it actually also is a vibrator. Right? So it has all of these different pulses, all of these different vibrations. So it's not just a kegel trainer. It is also a sex toy. So from a personal pleasure standpoint, like, while you're working on getting your mojo back, remember that delivering yourself your own pleasure is a way of getting your mojo back. That when our body is like, oh, right. Oxytocin feels good.
Pleasure feels good. We are driven to have more of it. I use gym analogies a lot on this particular channel because I'm an athlete, and so it's an easy analogy for me to to access. Right? And so it's the same thing for the gym. Right? If we fall out of exercise and we get back into it initially, initially, the body might be like, oh, right. What's this? And then it gets to a point where it's like, oh my gosh. Like, this feels really good. Like, I feel so much better if I get to the gym.
I feel so much better if I do this. And oftentimes, it's just getting over that initial hump for the body to remember or or learn if you've never been, much into exercise for the body to actually see that difference of what happens with regular exercise, that creates a lot of that motivation. Right? So we need to consider then beyond that when we're talking about the Kegel trainer, we're talking about utilizing this, and we're talking about prioritizing personal pleasure.
Part of getting the mojo back is sometimes almost this fake it till you make it type of, like, like, just like going to the gym after you know, when you start a new routine, it's like, okay. Pleasure is good. Pleasure is good for me. I really want to connect with myself this way. I really want to balance my hormones and my stress, and I have all of this chemical cocktails inside of me that I can access by accessing self pleasure. So I'm just gonna do it. Right?
And that's, you know, some of what we do. We just do it because it's it's we know it's good for our health. And then after a little while of using something like the Kegel trainer, of using other vibrators or doing any sort of self pleasure exercises, we can begin to start to feel ourselves and our sexuality wake up again. And what happens is we start to become more and more sexual beings. Typically, our body is is remembers, oh, wow. This oxytocin is really stress relieving. Right?
It feels really, really, really wonderful. You know? I I know some clients that that make it a part of their routine to have an orgasm before work every day. Because what they have found is that if they can start their day that way, they're already getting all this juiciness from their orgasm. They're already getting all this stress reduction.
So they're walking into work having no idea what's gonna happen that day, no idea what's going on that day, but they're walking into work all of a sudden with the awareness and the the the sense of, oh, my serotonin, my happy hormones balance, my cortisol balance, my stress is down, I'm more relaxed, I'm in a good mood because the point is that self pleasure and starting that that very beginning of the day is allowing the body to release that
amazing chemical cocktail to help you to be more supported. Like, in meditation, oftentimes, a lot of people will talk about, oh, see when people say they don't have time to meditate, a lot of the response that a lot of people in the meditation community will use is the research that has shown that when you meditate, you actually become more efficient and more effective, and so you're a better worker.
So by taking some time to meditate, even though it's initially time, you get that time back because of how the body responds. And pleasure is oftentimes the same way. Right? So it's like we have all of these these stress hormones, and maybe we're not making as much serotonin, and we're busy and we're stressed out, and it feels like, how the heck do I find time in my busy day to do my pleasure exercise or get my kegels done? Right? How do I do this?
Well, we do it by actually learning that it's actually expensive for our body not to. If we're running on stress hormones all the time, if our serotonin is not as high as it could be, one, we're not gonna be enjoying life. Two, stress hormones that are too high cause a lot of tissue breakdown. The the body does not repair the same way when we're under stress. So by managing that stress, that can actually be connected to longevity. Right? That can be connected to disease prevention.
That can be connected to happiness in our day to day life as much as possible because, you know, life is here for a lot of different reasons, learning and growing and and supporting and helping, giving back and all these things, but hopefully, it's also here to have pleasure and to enjoy and not to be running around completely stressed out all the time. And pleasure and that daily that daily pleasure is really that one of the ways we can get out of that stress.
And it works so much better than wine. You know? I love wine. Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of wine. I think wine is a delicious, delicious, delicious alcoholic beverage. And when it's done well, it's, there's really, you know, there's really so many flavors and amazingness to it, and it can be very pleasurable. Right? But from a standpoint of longevity, from the standpoint of hormone balancing, we also see that alcohol thing can, you know, wreak havoc on on certain things like testosterone.
Right? It can wreak havoc on havoc on things like estrogen. So we see that alcohol can can cause some hormones to get out of balance versus oxytocin and pleasure actually helps to support cortisol, actually helps to support our sex hormones, helps to bring things into balance.
And so that's one of the reasons why I think that pleasure is a super important thing because let's face it, like, this is you know, so many people are so overworked and juggling kids, multiple jobs, you know, PTAs, soccer clubs, sometimes sick parents, animals, on and on and on and on. Right? There's so many different hats we wear. And if we have something that is a self pleasure that can help regulate our hormones and provide us joy, why would we not do that?
Plus, the amazing thing too about taking time for personal pleasure is that oftentimes, whereas with a partner for many women, it can take a long time to orgasm, sometimes twenty, forty, sixty minutes or longer. Oftentimes, if women have are having a hard time orgasming in partnership, orgasming quickly with the you know, with one's own either body part or with something like a sexual massager can work really, really, really well. Right? It can work, you know, sometimes in three to five minutes.
And I'm not saying that's, like, you know, how we want to do things all the time, but on a busy day to just get a little bit of those hormones released and balanced can go a really long way, a lot further than that glass of wine, and a lot healthier and a lot safer for the body long term. So that's it for today's lounge. I'll see you guys on another one soon. Please do go take my libido quiz.
Remember the libido quiz is there for you guys as a way to make sure that you're testing for some of the top root causes that are actually causing the sexual dysfunction issues. So you're gonna learn if it's likely a cardiovascular root cause or adrenal root cause or something else. So I hope you guys will go take my quiz that is in the notes from today's episode. Again, I'm doctor Diane, always reminding you to stay sexy, stay classy, and always be a little badass.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.