Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Fabulous women. Welcome back to another episode of the lounge. Today, we're gonna talk about libido, body image, self confidence, and especially these concepts as we go through hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause.
Now I feel like one of the best times to actually prepare for menopause is about ten years prior to this happening.
So if you're listening and you're in your late thirties and you're still feeling like you're far away, which you are, it's definitely worth considering listening still because the best time to really prepare for this is by starting to get your body in alignment, by starting to make sure you're making the appropriate developments and the changes to your adrenal glands, because once we hit menopause, we do still make some hormones, but the ovaries are largely not active anymore.
And most of the sex hormone production that happens inside the body is now fully taken over by the adrenal glands.
So one reason why menopause can be so hard on so many women is because, and there's lots of reasons, but one reason is because there has been so much stress for so many years and the adrenal glands are just not working and not pumping out the correct amount of cortisol, the correct amount of DHEA that they should, and they're basically just they're not getting the signal correctly from the brain.
So, essentially, when we go through adrenal issues, a lot of people have heard of this as adrenal fatigue. Adrenal fatigue isn't really the right word because it's not like the adrenals wake up one day and they're like, I'm tired. I should take a nap. I'm right? That's not what's happening. What's actually happening to the body is the brain is not telling the adrenal glands, which produce our stress hormones, to work correctly.
So in situations such as menopause and perimenopause, when that brain adrenal connection is dysregulated, when it's falling apart, when it's not working as well, then we get to menopause and we want the adrenals to take some of the slack of producing estrogen and progesterone and testosterone, but that signal from the brain to the adrenals is already dysfunctional, we can dysfunctional, we can have problems.
So the more we can fix any brain adrenal dysfunction, any low or high cortisol, low or high DHEA prior to perimenopause and menopause, the easier this time can be. So that's kind of the opening to say, hey. This content is for a lot of you even if you're not in the perimenopause or menopause age. Now, basically, menopause in many ways and perimenopause is the adult version of the teenage version of going through puberty. Right?
In puberty as teenagers, what's essentially happening is we're getting these widespread change and fluctuations in our body getting used to these hormones and these hormones cycling in different ways. And so that can create a lot of different emotions. It can create a lot of different feelings, all natural and all normal.
And a lot of what happens, remember, if you go back to teenage years, 13, 14, when you're likely getting your menses for the first time, one of the things that can happen is there can be this huge level of, like, extra care about body image.
And most of us care about body image throughout our entire life, but in teenage years, that that tendency is to be a little bit more hard on oneself, to have lower self esteem, to have days where you feel great, and then other days feel like like I remember freaking out because back in the eighties when bangs were so big, and I would do my bangs up super huge, like, these ginormous bangs. And I remember freaking out because I was having, like, a bad bang day. Right?
And my bangs were not responding to, like, the curling iron, and they were not responding to the hairspray. And I remember just, like, throwing these crying fits being like, I can't there's no way I can go to school with bangs like this. Right? So that's essentially, there's changes of hormones on the brain. And so when we go through perimenopause and menopause, it's like a redoing of that time.
And so one of the things that can happen is just like in those teenage years with bad bangs or whatever it was where you might feel like you're not as in your body, you might not as feel as beautiful, you might compare yourselves to others more, We're at the mercy of all of those types of of feelings coming up again because our brain is now shifting around to this new hormonal landscape. So what do we do?
So one, finding a support group of women that are in similar situations to normalize this, to talk about it, to hopefully make light of it can be really helpful. It is one of the reasons why I do have my libido lounge monthly membership for a low price fee is because it's a way that people can come and actually talk to other women that are in similar situations, and it really helps to feel supported and feel the nourishment and share ideas, share what's happening, and build each other up. Right?
So whether or not it's a support group like this, making sure that you are part of a friend circle that is really designed to build you up during this time and help with confidence, people that can remind you that you're beautiful. Right? These sorts of things become especially important at this change. And we do see such a relationship in libido between how we feel about our body, how we feel about our body image, sexuality. So it's really easy since these feelings can be quite strong.
It's very, very easy to feel, like, during the menopause time period to be like, well, I'm not comfortable with my body. My hormones are changing. My brain feels crazy, so I'm definitely not interested in libido. So it takes a lot of effort, not only to keep the sex drive alive oftentimes as hormones are changing. And I do recommend hormone replacement therapy. Go back and listen to episode 24 where I talk more about that.
But from besides that, it's also extremely important that we are are deeply considering the the impact that the body image and the self confidence during this time has. So, like I said, hanging out with other women who can build you up, you know, really avoiding a lot of circles of drama as much as possible and doing nice things for yourself. Right? It's, like, definitely would encourage you to work with, you know, with hormones, to work on all of the root causes.
Remember, you can find root causes of the low libido on my libido my free libido quiz. But I definitely encourage you to do those to work on some of the physical things, but then from my and and that will help with the body image thing too because these physical things are gonna help with weight prevention and just feeling good in one side of body.
Remember, when we feel good internally and we have energy, typically, we reflect an outward image, that is oftentimes more beautiful and more fit because we're taking care of ourselves. But then beyond that, like, what other things can be done? So this is an area where, in some ways, I encourage you to do things like a wardrobe revamp. You know? If it works into your budget, hire a fashion specialist, right, that can come in to your closet and can help you take you know, change your look up.
Right? What sort of clothes make you feel beautiful? Do you like, would it be helpful to have a new hairstyle? And, obviously, these are external things. We wanna consider external and internal. But I don't know about you, but I get a new haircut or I do something that is good for me externally, and that can help me feel more beautiful. Right? So the external stuff can have that internal that internal sense. So what sort of things what sort of activities and this is an open ended question.
Right? What sort of activities help you feel more beautiful? What sort of activities, what sort of words help you feel more confident? If you're, you know, if you're feeling during this time that you're just not not as confident, you don't feel as beautiful, and you feel a little crazy, and you feel a little sad, and then you feel joyous, and everything is just, you know, this roller coaster, what sort of things would be helpful for your partner to say to you?
What sort of things would be helpful for your friends to say to you? And the more we can really instruct people that love us and want us to help us to say, like, Hey. If I'm responding this way, this is what I need to hear. Can you say this to me? Right? And it might feel, like, ingenuine, but they probably feel that way anyways. They just didn't know that that was the right thing to say at the moment. So it's not in genuine.
It's actually usually just helping people understand how to take care of us. So the more we can instruct others around us to say, this is how to care for me during this time. This is what I need. Are you able to do this if I'm feeling this way? It can trickle down into supporting us to feel more confident. So these are a lot of external things. And then internal, this is where I do find that a lot of the mindfulness work becomes really, really important.
And there's a lot of people that do, like, affirmations. Affirmations, for those of you that don't know, are almost these these things that we say over and over to ourselves again and again. Right? So an affirmation could be, I am beautiful. I am confident. I am sexy. Right? That could be an affirmation.
But what we see in people that do studies on, like, mindfulness changes and the way the brain lights up when we do certain things like affirmations is the biggest change will occur when we actually really feel and believe what we're saying. So if you feel If you say, I am sexy, I'm beautiful, but the feeling inside is, I'm fat, I'm getting old, it's not gonna really do much for confidence versus, like, closing one eyes.
And even if your current state is feeling fat and old, literally faking it, almost pretending to be like, well, what happens if I actually feel beautiful and sexy? What does that feel like? Because here's another thing that I think can be really helpful. It's a great time to take up pole dancing or some sort of S Factor or sensual dance classes. They're all over the country. So So I would look up sex, sensual dance, pole dancing, s factors, a lot of great types of different modalities out there.
But one of the reasons to take classes like this is because, one, pushing the body to do something that is developing strength can help with self confidence, can help with that libido, especially during this difficult time.
Two, from taking these sorts of classes myself where people are very scantily dressed in some of these classes, other classes less so, but they're very scantily dressed in a lot of these classes, and I've been in classes with women of every shape and size, like every curve, every itty bitty tiny woman, every shape and size you can imagine.
And it is very interesting to observe because in a lot of these classes, there's an observing role where somebody is, say, the the dancer that everybody is observing. And when you're in the observing role, which can sound scary if you've never done this to get observed, but it's actually really powerful on both sides. It's won by women that love and care in in the group to be witnessed by other women that are cheering you on, that are supporting you.
No matter how elementary you are, it's really, really amazing for confidence. But secondly, as an observer, what is so amazing is being in this room of these other fabulous women of any different shape and size and age. I've seen women in their eighties out there. I've seen women in their early twenties. Right? So I've seen this wide range of women in these classes.
And one thing that I have found across the board to be true is that what is sexy and what is beautiful is about how confident a woman is in her own body. And I've seen women that are very, very anxious and timid and they're awkward, and they have every physique that in in society these days we might say is perfect.
And then I've seen people that have been at this other end of the spectrum that we might not society might not say this is like what textbook beauty is, even though I think that's a bunch of BS, but from a societal standard standpoint. Right? And they are just the most confident, beautiful, sexy, elegant women because they own their space and they're confident inside it. And so when we're going through these time periods and we're like, oh my gosh. My hormones are changing. Things are crazy.
It's like being in puberty again, and the libido is faulting and and, you know, it's it's it can be this vicious cycle. Right? Because what we need oftentimes the most is, like, connection support. And then oftentimes, it's so easy to feel crazy inside just like those teenage years, and it can be hard on the relationship. So keeping that really that libido strong is really important and doing these sorts of classes where you're literally practicing being confident exactly how you are. Right?
That's the point is practicing being confident exactly how you are can be completely revolutionary to this time of life. Right? So, obviously, we wanna work on all the physical root causes and the physical imbalances, but what we're really talking about today in this episode is how to work with the the mental changes that are happening because of the different levels of blood flow lighting up different parts of the brain, sending different signals because of the hormonal change.
And if you can find if you're up for trying one of these classes, I definitely recommend looking for one near you. In addition, join a support group if and or find a group of women. And if you don't have a strong group of women, I would strongly encourage you, especially as you get to this time, like meetup groups, like hiking groups, or whatever your interest is, look for meetup groups or other types of activities in your area around things you like. Maybe it's time to take salsa dancing up.
Right? So salsa dancing is less, say, provocative than pole dancing, and it'd still be pretty provocative. But that's another way of dancing and being in your body and feeling confident. And a lot of confidence, again, is about how we carry ourselves. This is why the research on even posture has been so profound because confidence is really hugely about how we carry ourselves, and that's the practice. That and working to feel confident inside and faking it.
Like, literally closing your eyes, doing a meditation, and pretending. If you if you can't access it, then pretend that you are the sexiest woman, you know, on the planet. And then over time as you begin to practice that, you what will happen is you will start to feel sexy and sexier and sexier in your body, but it will take time and practice because you're going against some neuronal some some nervous system circuitry that needs to be repatterned. So I hope this is helpful.
It's a really important topic. I think there's a lot of support that we can really give to women during this change, and, unfortunately, so much of what's talked about during this change of life is purely just around hormones, right, which are important, but this is a time that we're moving into this, like, wise crone, this wise woman part of our life where that so much wisdom has been collected.
And now, like, there's so much confidence that can happen with that wisdom, but we just have to make it through that hormonal change and get that support. So you are beautiful. You are sexy. You can do this. Please do share this with any friends and family. Check out my libido quiz. Check out my monthly program if that's interesting to you. It's been so great to continue to support all of you. I'm doctor Diane.
This has been another episode of the libido lounge reminding you to stay classy, stay sexy, and always remember to be a little badassy. Thank you for listening to the libido lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.