Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode on the lounge. I'm your libido expert, Doctor. Diane Mueller. I'm so excited about my guest, dear friend, Doctor. Susan Fox, who is a fertility expert. And you might be initially wondering why are we talking about fertility on a libido show, but you're going to see why, because these things are so innately connected.
And one of the things I tend to talk about a lot of these vicious cycles we get into with libido, with stress and medicine and fertility and infertility is a really good example of this cycle because we're going to talk about how we go through baby making in a way where we're using our libido to keep us relaxed and to keep us less stressed because that's a vicious cycle we can get into, right? We're, we're excited to have kids.
We go through this process of fertility and a lot of stress can kick in And that's not good for our libido. We can get in this vicious, vicious cycle. So that's what we're going to explore today and more. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Doctor. Susan. Thank you, doctor doctor Diane. I'm so happy to be here with you. It's such a pleasure. And let's jump right in. So let's talk about, you know, this this cycle I'm talking about. So you coach a lot of women.
You work with a lot of different women and couples. How do you help them during this really, you know, emotional time, during this exciting but emotional and scary time? How do you help them stay connected? How do you help them keep their libido healthy when oftentimes it's like, okay, well, we have to make sure we're making love at this exact time and, you know, all those things that can come up in in baby making. Exactly. Well, thank thank you. Thank you. It's a perfect question.
And it is a question that happened comes up all the time because what if we weren't thinking about it, as you know, you know, our, our natural rise in estrogen, as we get close to ovulation is what makes us juicy and horny. And yet when we're on the clock, because we said this month is a month we wanna try, we sort of get out of our bodies and into our heads and we start to schedule it.
And so even though the estrogen is climbing, our our cortisol, our our, you know, stress hormones are a little bit more elevated. And so we're just kind of not, you know, paying attention to our natural rhythms. So I will tell women to think about women and people to think about, you know, before it's bedtime, you know, before this, they say, okay, you know, let's let's go make, make love and see if we can get lucky this month, you know, begin by maybe touching yourself, setting the room.
So most people are hopping in into bed around, you know, ten, eleven, something like that. I'll say, you know, start at 07:00. And here's where my Chinese medicine sort of background comes in. Because 07:00 is the time where our pericardium, the wrapping around our heart. And we mean it metaphorically, even though it's also physiologically and physically true as well. So start softening that sort of wrapping around our heart around the 7PM time. Maybe that's lighting a candle.
Maybe it's, you know, just having something, something nourishing or a delicious cup of tea that really feels sensuous. Maybe it's beginning to talk sexy with your partner or touching your partner or touching yourself so that you can start to really connect with your body at the right time so that, you know, it's either in the 7PM time or later, you'd begun to literally stroke the, the, the, the, the fire, stroke, the fire, stroke, the fire. Yeah. I love that.
Yes. Stroke the fires that the virus really good. And I think it's so true. Right? We get into these these moments where it's like, especially as women. And and I just say this intentionally to women because we have a longer time oftentimes to arousal than our male counterparts. So I but I mean this inclusively, but just because we see that so we can need oftentimes more time to get in the mood. Right.
So in some of what you're talking about then is like, okay, if we are getting into this point of we're ready to make babies, then some of it is like we need to get out of kind of thinking about this is like this baby making thing happens between this particular hour and is more around, you know, making a baby is like really part of our lives. Right? It's something that we're orienting our entire, you know, much more of our day to than just that, like, moment of sexual intimacy. Right? Right.
Right. It's much more than the rub rub ejaculate moment. Although I do advise to the best of one's ability and also that's a reason to to really stroke the fire. Stroke the fire is that a woman's, orgasm is very helpful in an unnatural conception of bringing that sperm right on up the vaginal canal so that she can, you know, get the the good ones past the cervix and into meet the egg.
Yeah. Yeah. There's so much like, we talk so much about all the pleasure with orgasm, but, obviously, we have orgasms also for a very functional reason too. Is there anything because I I know some of our listeners might be thinking like, oh my gosh. Like, but I I have a hard time orgasming, so I'm never gonna be able to make a baby now. Is there anything you would say to people if they're worried about that because orgasms can be difficult for someone? That's a very good question.
Thanks for raising it. No. When it it is not required, it's obviously delightful. And if that is something that that is accessible to you, then, then it, it is an enhancement, if you will, because the muscles of the vagina will draw up. But, but really, you know, enjoy, be relaxed, begin, begin by really feeling your sensual nature. That's, you know, really it's the intimacy of a partnership of intercourse. That is the true spark that brings sperm to egg. It does, an orgasm is not required.
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I think it's really important. I just like like to normalize this so much, especially because of, you know, what we even know anatomically around like, some women anatomically just based upon erectile tissue or the location of the clitoris, it's, like, can be a lot more challenging to orgasm than other women. And we never we always wanna make sure there's so much inclusivity in the process. Right? This is nonperformance. This is everything but performance.
Yeah. It's really just enjoying the act of intimacy. Yes. Yes. Yes. And so then let's take that enjoyment into the day. Right? So it's like, okay, to get out of that stress and to really just get into the enjoyment of that pericardial space and that love and that connection and everything that we get by heart opening and and that intimacy through heart opening. What about, like, the rest of the day?
Is there anything that you would advise from, like, the moment we we started talking about 7PM, like, candles are lit? What about the rest of the day? Is there anything else that we should be thinking about throughout the day to really get our libido juiced up, to get ready for baby making time? Mhmm. Well, certainly, you know, as as we wake, so do we sleep. As we sleep, so do we wake.
So get, you know, getting yourself into, you know, sort of the morning light upon awakening, really getting your face to the sun, starting to set your circadian rhythm. So once again, that that stress hormone isn't overriding and that by the time dusk approaches our melatonin, our natural antioxidant and feel good hormone and sleep hormone after after we want when we're ready to sleep is is at the ready. I would certainly say, you know, it's the basics. Right? Be hydrated.
You know, I know people will say, have a glass of wine and you'll have a baby. So maybe, maybe, but, you know, take good care of yourself, be hydrated, eat well. You know, really, it's that sense of self. I mean, that is pleasure as well, right? Nourishment. So I would say to the best of your ability, you know, those are things we can place earlier in the day.
And then, you know, you, maybe it is light a candle, maybe it is put on some of your favorite music, maybe it is, you know, applying maybe a second layer of, of oil or lotion to your body. So you're literally touching, touching your skin. You know, really just feeling the pleasure of being a human being, and all of that what that sense of touch will give us.
Yeah, I think there's so much that happens, you know, throughout the day, it's like our body like, I've heard I haven't actually met anybody yet, but I've heard of people having elbow orgasms, you know, because there's so much, like, erotic tissue all over our body. And so all of these different erogenous zones. And so as we go through the day, we start to wake, you know, awaken the body up.
And but what if, like, so how do you how do you respond to women when they feel and I mean, all humans, but it is a lot of women that listen to the show. So how do you respond to humans when they feel like, oh my gosh. I just don't feel in my own body and, like, okay. I listen to this podcast. I try to, like, turn myself on. I'm trying to get into the mood. I want my libido good. I want my stress down. I'm ready to make babies.
But yet I ate too much for dinner or I'm having indigestion or, like, even, like, post pregnancy when we start to have our body change, but we still wanna keep that that passion alive with our partner. And we're starting to feel like, oh, I don't feel comfortable in my own body. Like, how do we keep that libido going in the flame alive? Well, that's an interesting question.
I mean, it's actually a really valid point and an interesting question, because if we're feeling like we don't love our own bodies, if we don't love ourselves, it's harder to evoke the you know, we're magnetic beings, it's harder to evoke that that sensation, you know, externally in the environment.
So I would say, you know, maybe even if they get to you, make it sometimes because, you know, we really can also be disciplined and conditioned to like, oh, all of a sudden I was, you know, kind of just applying the lotion, but today I can feel it. So I would say, you know, give yourself permission, give yourself a wide birth to just try it, try, try whatever, whatever evokes your passion. And sometimes I'll say, you know, when you were a teenager, did you love to sing? Did you love to dance?
Did you know what what were the things that would evoke an alivening of you? And and it does, you know, this is not performance art. So what whatever you like to do, if you're coming out of the shower and you just wanna shake it off, shake it off, you know, forget the towel, just shake it off. But yeah, I think that that's probably the the best I can say because it breaks my heart and certainly, I am guilty of of guilty.
I have experienced in having, you know, had negative self talk, but all that is going to do is repeat itself, right? So catch yourself when you can. And and then shift the shift the conversation a little bit like oof, oh, my heart. What did I, you know, oh, my pericardium. What did I just hear myself say to myself? You know, because if I don't like my hips, how about my eyes? How about my cheeks? How about my breasts? How about my hands?
You know, there that's where we are not just the one body part, and you know, I think sensualizing versus sexualizing ourselves is what will help get us to the place where we really love ourselves and can be in love and be making love. Yeah. I really think that's so important. And I I talk sometimes about that Rosemary Basson's, model of arousal. Right? Where it's like, it's for men, it's very linear, the arousal.
But for women, it's like, oh, sometimes we actually start having to start engaging sensually, sexually. And it's not until we're engaged in it, like, the arousal comes later. It's like Exactly. You know, twenty minutes into whatever intimate action. It's like, oh, that's not, I'm doing this, but it's sometimes right.
So to the extent, since we're work, you know, live and work in a time space continuum to it, to the extent that if your planned time together, your expected time together is later in the evening, begin by yourself with yourself, appreciating yourself, literally feeling yourself either by touch or just from the inside out. Yeah. I think there's so much there. Like, the the concept I like about that is, like, ultimately, we are responsible for turning ourselves on. Right?
Like, I love when, you know, partners get to turn us on and all that is amazing. But, ultimately, the more we can, as human beings, turn ourselves on and take that own responsibility, it can it can just get deeper and juicier. And then we get to have all those good hormones and feelings regardless of, you know, what comes next. Right?
Exactly. And and and I I I'm gonna be a little biased here, but I but it it is my experience and all of these years walking on the earth and my and my perception that, you know, that those of us who have the, the feminine, you know, partnership aspect really do create the environment. So it's almost like that's our, that's our CEO opportunity to say, okay, this is what it's gonna look like this time. This is what I want.
And it really does also help us get in touch with, you know, who am I and what do I want to today? This time, this month, this ovulation ovulation cycle, I want to have, I don't know, pink sheets or satin sheets or fur on the, you know, on the, the bed or wherever we're going to be, or I wanna have lavender, or I wanna have geranium as as the scent in the background or something like that so that we really are creating the the the central experience before we step into the room.
I you're giving me so many good content ideas on this because I think there's you know, one of the things in some of the work I do is, like, around archetypes. Right? And it's like there's all these parts of ourselves. There's, like, the CEO part. There's, like, the tiny, meek, timid part. There's the part that's the teaser. There's the part that's like really owning her sexuality. Absolutely. Different parts. I love me a slut.
Yes. So, you know, who who who's coming out and who's coming, hopefully the, this, this time, especially here again, if this is the time that you want to be baby making, try to get out of your head and, and really back into your body and your spirit. And in Chinese medicine, again, as you know, doctor Diane, you know, red is the color of the heart. And so, you know, maybe it's eating and we really do ascribe to that. It is holistic.
So you know, maybe wearing red, maybe eating red, you know, it's, is it raspberry or strawberry time or is it, oh, I don't know, lobster time. If you're going with the proteins, you know, look for the things that really say, oh, yes. That because we're reminding ourselves, we're remembering that part of ourselves that is sexy, juicy, sensuous, and wanting to connect because that ultimately that's it. Right? It's the ultimate. The beat is connection.
Yep. That's that's why I do this as my number one core value is connection. Exactly right. Exactly right. Yeah. So then in women you work with and in couples you work with, you guide them right through the process of physical, mental, interrelational ways of supporting them with fertility? Is that really what your work is involving? That's true. Yes. I mean, oftentimes when they come to me, they're, they are about to begin an IVF cycle.
They've, they've kind of, you know, gone through their journey and they're kind of a little bit feeling at the, a little desperate, shall we say, a little, little, which means a little bit more in their head. They know they're also about to undergo injections and, you know, and and things are more timed than than one might expect in a in a cycle or a month where you might be trying to conceive naturally.
So all the more I'm trying to help them just, just take, take a step back, go up to 30,000 feet or 3,000 feet even and say, oh, right. I want to have this baby because I love this person. And we have decided to do this together because, it is sometimes it can even almost get to a place of, conflict or, or, you know, contentiousness while, while one is feeling a little bit more cerebral about it and the other is feeling a little bit more left out.
And again, in the, in the, aspect of IVF, you know, there's a third partner in the room, so to speak. It's, it's, you know, it's the doctor who's helping to administer, observe, it can, can feel very clinical. And yet, even though injections are causing, you know, more eggs to grow and more follicles, it's still in your body. It is still nature and and you want to nurture your nature of your body.
Yeah. I I am really liking that, you know, kind of that awareness, right, of like this is really clinical, but yet how do we actually honor that? How do we acknowledge that because it has to be, but also how do we keep it where it's still embodied, where we're still honoring all the other components of this that are noncerebral? So I hope everybody that is also. I mean, there are times that I'll just say, oh, IVF that. Oh, IVF off. That's really Or IVF'd up.
So just just as a way to kind of go, oh, right. This is this is occurring. And yet this, you know, it's not happening to me. It's happening with me. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm driving this, this ship, so to speak. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I'm so glad we got to have this conversation today and wanna make sure everybody knows how to get ahold of you because I think you're definitely an amazing resource that anybody that needs support with fertility should really know about.
So how do people get ahold of you? Thank you. Well, if you're in the San Francisco Bay area and within a geographic, zip code, that website, if you will, to get in touch with me in person is doctor. Susan fox dot com. If you want to, to discuss this sort of outside state lines and more coaching environment, that is healthuniversity.co and university is spelled y o u. So the universityofu.co.com.
And we also, if if fertility is a question of for yourself or someone you love, we start with a quiz so that we can get into that sort of Chinese medicine, five element model. And that site is yourfertilityquiz.com. So doctor. Susan fox dot com, health university dot co or yourfertilityquiz.com. All of them will get you to me. Perfect. And we'll have all those links in the show notes for you guys. And I just want to thank you so much for being here with me today. Doctor.
Susan has been really fun. I feel like we should have a longer conversation about Chinese medicine at some point, and there's other there's other fun, juicy questions I have going through my head for a number. So TBD. No. To be continued, not too big to turn. Yes. Yes. Yes. I I look forward to it. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, wonderful. And thank you everybody for tuning in to another episode of the libido lounge.
Remember, you'll find all of doctor Susan's notes and all of her links in the show notes. This is doctor Diane, your libido expert, reminding you to always stay classy, always stay sexy, and always be a little badass y. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the libido lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibido.com.