Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge. I'm your libido expert, doctor Diane Mueller. And I'm thrilled to be introducing you guys to another dear friend of mine, Callie David. And we're gonna talk about so many great things. I first wanna introduce you. Callie is an amazing holistic somatic therapist.
She has a background in family and marriage counseling and is a very dear friend of mine. And we're gonna have a great conversation today about presence and about this concept that in order to feel pleasure, we actually have to be in our body and we have to be present to our surroundings. We have to be present to our feelings.
And so many times throughout the day, we find ourselves thinking about something that's not in the moment, worried about something that's not in the moment, and we're not actually in our bodies experiencing pleasure. And and truly, the practice of pleasure is the practice of presence. So thank you for being with me today. I'm gonna I'm really excited for our conversation, Callie. Thank you so much for having me, Diane. This is just such an honor to be here with you today and excited to dive in.
It's going to be really juicy. Yeah, it is. Well, let's get right to it. So let's jump into with, you know, with your work on holistic somatic therapy, how do you really define this concept of presence or being inside of one's body? Maybe let's start with that foundation. Yeah. I love that because I get questions that all the time. People are like, what does that actually mean to be in my right body?
And it actually means to have slow your pace down enough in life to actually be able to feel the physical sensations in your body. I'm not even talking about processing emotions that can come up when we are actually present and here in the moment. But it really is, like, can I just feel my, like, breath down to my toes? Can I feel my sit bones? Like, that's what it means to actually live a body here live a life here instead of constantly in our head.
When we are in our head and we are thinking, we are not in the present moment. Right? We are either in the past or we are in the future. So it's probably pretty obvious to people in listening to that, but let's go a little bit deeper within, like, how do you and your mind connect that to the experience of pleasure to libido to the whole human sexuality process? Love this. So I wanna first break down when I hear the word pleasure. Right?
Many people, and I'm sure listeners are thinking, like, pleasure is so associated with release of dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin, and it must feel gooey and yummy and delightful. Right? That's how, like, society talks about what pleasure is. But pleasure can also be found in those moments of feeling angst and despair and sadness and frustration.
And that's where I really actually love this conversation is when we can open it up beyond just this idea of it feeling really juicy and yummy, that we can actually find pleasure, we can find opening pathways when we just allow what is actually wanting to come through in the present moment and not rejecting it. So the second that we break free break free from that paradigm is when we can actually allow the emotions to come through in the present.
And then when my heart is breaking or, like, my stomach is angsty, I can breathe into that. Right? I can get out of my head. I can feel the sensations, and that actually becomes pleasurable. And that's when I feel like we become, like, inner alchemist of our experiences. Like, it actually allows those sensations to move through quicker. I love that. And when when you're talking, it's really bringing me back, and I'll let our audience know that that you and I met in central dance class.
And, you know, that's what we were doing, right, in our sensual dance classes was really bringing in our anger, our frustration, our grief, our sadness, our joy, our laughter, like, any emotion, and then feeling how it felt to be in our pleasure body experiencing that emotion. So I know this is a really new concept for people. So do you have any thoughts before we get into more techniques and how people do this? Do you like how how does the the mental mind really balance this whole thing?
Because it it's almost like paradoxical, right, around, like, wait, I can feel anger and pleasure at the same time. I can feel grief and pleasure at the same time. So how does how does the mind really then start to understand that and and manage what seems so paradoxical in old ways, right, with neuroplasticity. It's gonna wanna connect old patterns. Old ways, right, with neuroplasticity. It's gonna wanna connect old patterns. So it's first just allowing it to actually all be okay.
And we're not trying to actually cut off the mind or the ego here. So when you are actually trying to make this connection, it's just being aware of the mind's thoughts, the mind's chatter, the mind's trying to make this right or wrong, and just letting that actually be there. The more that we allow the mind, the thoughts, all that to be there, we simply come back to present so much quicker. Right?
A lot of practices I see talk about, like, keeping yourself coming back from present or coming back from the past or the future. And sometimes that can almost create shame, right, of, like, you can't experience pleasure there. Just realize when you're not there, and your body's natural alignment will be to come back to present. Does that make sense? Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.
What's actually even coming up for me some right in this moment is one of the things I'll talk about sometimes, especially in in group work, is asking women in particular, because I think this is more of a tendency with women during, intercourse or sexual play for the mind to wander. So I'll ask women, like, how many of you guys have ever found yourself doing the grocery list during sex? Right? Or, like, the my like, what am I on, you know, the next day? And it's really it's really common.
And I think what you're talking about there around, like, oh, the mind wanders, like, bring it back to pleasure is, like, that also we can we can take into our sex life. Right? We can take into our intimate life. We can take into our couple life, our our personal play in order to just enjoy that moment. And if our mind wanders in that moment, bringing it back. So it's essentially like a form of meditation. Right? It really is. And I love how you frame that.
I was actually just this morning in my own just practice of feeling my body, feeling what was present. Right? This is my own, like, my pleasure practice doesn't have to look a certain way. It doesn't have to necessarily mean, like, masturbating or in love with your partner. Right? It could be in the own presence of your own bed, own space, slowing it down. And I realized I was like, oh, I kinda like being in my head. Like, oh, I like distracting myself. Oh, I like keeping myself from my body.
And just in that, when I took the shame away and I kinda made it a little kinky of, like, oh, you're kind of into that, I dropped into my body. It was like I was near where it was at. I've like because it was wanting, you know, with everything going on in society today and culturally and politically, it was wanting to get caught up in everything. And I was like, oh, you're just, like, stuck in your head today, aren't you?
And I swear, just meeting it there with a little bit of kink and a little bit of play brought me right back into my body. And I've been able to heal that. Yeah. You're giving me chills when you say that. Right? Because I think there's so much juiciness there and, like, just like that self shame that really gets in the way of us experiencing pleasure and just like like, like, finding, like you said, like, the kink in it and finding that, oh, I look at you. You're being bad.
Do you like to be in your head right now? Like, it's really it's really playful and it's really, compassionate and it really helps to drop that shame. So, you know, from the standpoint then of, like, more tools and exercises, and I know you do so much in your work. I've been since we've been friends, I've, like, been following every email you write. So I track you closely on all the the great offerings that that you're doing in the world.
And so with your work, what are you seeing around pleasure, around getting back in one's body, around being present as, like, techniques and tools and starting places for people? Yeah. So as far as starting places and I would say, actually, no matter where you are in your journey, let's simplify all of this. And when we really start coming back to presence, like, just like you introduced earlier. Right? We we can't incorporate pleasure if we don't come back to present.
So I love incorporating the senses, and that's really sensual for me. Right? We we just even break down senses. I love coming back to sensory experiences to get myself into the present moment. That not only allows the present moment, but it allows my body to start awakening to what's around me. And so when it comes to practices, it really is coming back to basics. First, safety. That's always gonna be really big. Notice where you are.
Find a space where you do feel safe, whether it's in nature or your home. Notice the doors, the walls. Right? You're just already starting to awaken your senses through what you see. And then if you do feel safe enough, closing your eyes and starting to hear the sounds and not just connecting through the mind of, like, I hear the birds, but how does that sound whisper and almost tickle your system? So then you bring it in a little bit more. How does the sound of the AC?
Is it kind of frustrating me? Well, what does the frustration feel like in your body? So you're really just taking it's a grounded sensory approach to bringing your awareness from the external to the internal, all while staying connected to your breath. So our breath is gonna be and I teach breath work day in and day out, and this is, like, the core to everything. Right? It's like, if you aren't breathing, you're not allowing your body to soak in all this whole experience.
So really bringing it down into, like, your sacral, your lower belly, feeling that expansion of life in you and letting it out. So it's just a fun it's a somatic exercise and exploration, of really allowing yourself to come back to what is without forcing anything. It's such an important distinction. I feel like you're making the, like, the listening to the sound versus because that's I feel like that's talked about a lot. Right? But it's a very, very different layer to add on that.
Well, what is that what's truly happening in my body in relationship to that? That's such a, like, deeper layer of tuning in. So I really love that. And then I'm I'm also curious around what you see from a standpoint of libido, of play, of pleasure. Like, where does that come in? Like, is it do you see this as, like, something that oftentimes when we're talking about breath work and, pleasure exercise or presence exercises, I should say?
Do you see this as things that people are doing, like, both outside of the bedroom, just kind of in their daily life to really work on their pleasure? But then do you also see, like, hey, where like like, is there space to come together and and say do these types of present pleasure types of activities within the tie or the context of a more intimate moment? Yes. Yes to both. Yes. So what you cultivate in your own practice is how you're gonna show up with your partner.
And if you are struggling with, like, low libido, it really is, like, the simplicity of it, taking the shame out of it. It's this life force that actually is wanting to come through you. And right? And we create so much of our libido, our eros, our life energy, and our sacral. And so I definitely recommend couples in their own practices to start bringing breath, awareness, aliveness into their own practice. Right?
And when it comes to practices, at the end, I'll offer something, but, really, it could just be as simple as in your own morning practices, really grounding down, feeling your life force, feeling any tension where you don't feel life force. Right? There's some also activating pranayama breath that we can increase too.
But then my favorite is then coming together when you are in the bedroom with your partner, not even actually in intercourse, but before intercourses, there's some really get on the exercises that if we have time, I can or if this is a good time, I can kinda go into and explain some of that as well. Yeah. Let's do that. I think that sounds like a great place to go. I'll be quick on this, but, so eye gazing. And if that makes your whole body just clench, perfect. That's your medicine.
Just slowing the system down enough to be able to meet your partner eye to eye. And so to get really logistical with this, I love saying the left eye. I love having you know, you and I could even practice right now. Just point to your left eye. Right? And because normally, it looks like the right from your partner, and then you put the down. And then just for, like, a few minutes, you really just gaze into your partner's eyes without leaving your body. Right?
Because when we talk about presence, presence isn't merging with someone else. It's actually staying back. It's leaning back, and it's wondering what is coming up for me as I'm meeting in union my partner, as I'm as I'm becoming present, as I'm cultivating this energy with them, what's happening in my body. I think a lot of times we talk about, like, merging with your partner and feeling their energy and no. No. No. A lot of this practice is actually, what do I feel?
How can I be present in my own body as I meet them? So eye gazing really big and then, you know, just for, like, a couple moments, a couple minutes to start out with. Notice the fear. Notice the giggles. All of it is perfect. And then to even deepen it would be consensual touch, not leading to foreplay, but one on one to one really moving then to once the breath is synced. Right?
Once you eye gaze, the breath naturally syncs with each other, and then it would be just like a touch on someone's back or touch on your partner's leg. And just notice right there, how do I feel with my partner's touch feeling me? And then you can get really playful with this. You can eventually lead up to more eroticism, kind of teasing, playing with that energy flow. You will literally feel the eros and the libido, like, increasing through your system before anything happens.
So, anyway, that was just a little bit of a lot of tools, but I'm always here to dive in more with all of them. Oh, it's this is so great because I know so many people. Like, one of the things that comes up a lot for me and people I talk to and and work with is this concept of maybe being in a long term relationship. Right? And, like, forgetting how to flirt, not having intimacy in a long time and it feels, like, awkward to, like, dive right in and wanting to add more foreplay.
Because even though you're saying, like, okay, well, we're not doing erotic touch, like, even the eye gazing to me is still, like, kind of a form of foreplay. Right? Because we're still connecting. Right? There's still, in some ways, when we're holding our energy back, when we're, you know, connecting like that, to me, it's, like, actually very erotic because it's kind of that tease of, like, I see you. I'm here. But I'm still way I'm still in my body.
So it's, like, almost as, like, there's a a tease I feel in that as well.
So I think there's, like, so many opportunities to even use practices like this as ways for couples that may have been out of the practice with being intimate and close in a while, like, for a while as a way of starting to reconnect in a way that feels gentle and safe and not rushing it and just allowing their their energies to match, like you're talking about, and to communicate and to touch each other, without losing oneself. So I absolutely love all of that.
And I'm wondering if we should go into now into now our, breath work practice that we're gonna do for everybody and that we're gonna that you wanted to lead. Before we do that, just in case people are driving and, like, can't do this and have to get off the, you know, the call here before we do this this explorative exercise, I wanna make sure that everybody knows how, to get a hold of you and that you have a free it's a free breath work exercise that you're giving away. Is that right?
Yeah. So, it would be an honor to offer it to y'all, and it's just a just like what we talked about. It's a breath, but also a somatic practice to really keep you in your body and just be aware of what's happening in the present moment. You could practice this by yourself or you can bring this into your practice with your partner. Both of y'all lying down together, both of y'all getting curious. It's an amazing time just to kind of come back together in union, in presence, in slowness.
And the best way to get to, contact me would either be through Instagram, underscore Cali David or my website, www.CaliDavid.com. And we'll, of course, have all of that information and your freebie in there. And I know we talked offline offline about a amazing group program you have coming up called Beloved, and that people will have information in the show notes of how to get a hold of that as well. So amazing. Well, let's go into our experiential portion of today. How do we wanna begin?
So this will just be about two to three minutes. But when you want to practice it, you can, you know, of course, make it a little longer. But first, finding a comfy place, making sure you're not driving, get cozy, take that nice big breath in. On the exhale, let it all out. Begin to slowly close your eyes or lower your gaze. Feeling your sit bones underneath you, your back against the chair or on the bed, hearing any sounds around you.
Starting to bring your awareness in a little bit closer into your body, and really breathing in through the nose and having your belly expand on that inhale nice and slow and exhale through your nose. Nice and slow. And so with each breath, imagine that you're bringing and breathing in warmth, softness, comfort, and just feel that filling up your body. And on that exhale, just letting any tension go. And then one last little practice in today will be actually needing any tension.
So if you have somewhere in your body, maybe it's your neck or your stomach where you're feeling tension, just breathe in right there. Breathe in warmth and love. Breathe into that sensation, and then let it all out. Just notice how the gentle act of presence can sometimes even soften this tension. And if you want to, after this practice, you can come back and just stay curious around it. You can ask some questions. Whenever you're ready, we'll just take one last big breath in.
Fill up your body with joy, with love, with openness. And on that exhale, you'll open your eyes and just shoot that energy out beyond your field. And coming back to the here and the now. So that was Two minutes go so fast. It was so wonderful. And I I wanna make sure to, give a personal testimony too about your work because I remember the first time that we were, that you led me through breath work in dance class, and we are out in our teacher's backyard laying down in her on her grass.
And this exercise that you took me through, like, the closest thing that I can explain it to is that, like, a cervical, like, divine type of orgasm where there's, like, this connection to something divine, right, something beyond us. And it was just so incredible. And that was, like, the moment I, like, totally fell in love with you around, like, this woman is a goddess. She's amazing. She's got this figured out.
So I'd hope everybody got a lot out of our whole our whole time together out of that exercise. And I really do encourage everybody go check out your work because it's truly just a such a gift to the world. So thanks for being here with me today, Cali. Thank you so much for having me. The joy and the love for you just never ends. I feel like it grows and grows. So thank you for having me.
Thank you for everyone for listening, and feel free to reach out if you have any questions or wanna dive into the GCBRAD offering. Perfect. And then just as a reminder, everybody, we are coming close to our end of 2024 year here. And remember this year, we are downloading, we are sharing episodes, we are making comments, and whoever gets the most download shares, comments, etcetera, we are inviting them back for a deep dive at the end of the year.
So please download please download this, please share this with your friends, please don't keep us a secret. And thanks again for listening. This is doctor Diane, your libido doc, signing off here reminding you to always stay classy, always stay sexy, and always be a little badassy. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the libido lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.