Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey, everybody. Doctor Diane, your libido expert here. Welcome to another episode on the libido lounge. I am so excited to introduce you to doctor Nicole Marcioni. She is the founder. She is the CEO of sexy Smart Aging. So welcome to the show, doctor Nicole. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me.
I just I love that name, Libido Lounge. I feel like we should have our cosmos or Aperol Spritzes in hand, as we discuss all of these fabulous topics. Believe me, that is the vision. That's where I'm going with this. Eventually, this will be done in a studio with Aperol Spritzes, and we can all get together in person and talk about these really, really cool topics. But for today, this is what we're doing. So I love it.
Let's start off right away with talking a little bit about your work in founding sexy smart aging. What is that? Why are you so passionate about that? And we wanna tie in today's episode, really wanna tie for everybody together the the aging process, how that is related to libido, and the concept of why antiaging is BS. Right? So we're gonna talk about all of that, but let's just start by talking about the sexy smart aging, what you do, why you're so passionate about the aging and libido topic.
Yeah. I guess it really came about from, you know, so much of aging and longevity and the voices and rhetoric we hear about it are either a negative or are all about how to, like, resist it, be, deny it, you know, go against anti, all of these things. And I really wanted to introduce not just us the smart way because you and I both have doctor in front of our names. Right?
We're we're smart in the common sense of the word, and there's a lot of people out there that don't have that sense of expertise, you may say. But what I found is we can't just always be talking about the science of things, and always talking about exercise and diet. Like, those are ad nauseam being talked about.
And what I found in working with clients is bringing in the sensuality piece, bringing in the getting back into your body and connecting with yourself piece, bringing in our sexuality, which just, let's face it, goes by the wayside once you hit 40, and then forget about it if you're in your sixties and seventies. Like, no one's talking about it. But people wanna still be having sex. They might be too tired, which that brings in the libido part and how to, like, rub that up.
But I was like, how do I bring these two things together? The science of longevity and the art of central living. And that's where I came up with sexy smart aging because we want both. Right? We don't wanna, like, we throw the baby out with a bathwater and leave one and focus on just the other, but really how do these two things intersect, and how do we bring them both and blend them into our life every day?
And so this is where that came up from, and it's took a while to finally kind of settle into it. Like, it's always been there, but I really was very science forward for a long time with a PhD. You're just I'm sure with the MD, like, that's constantly forced into you, like science first, evidence first, who are you citing, when was the study done, how sophisticated was it.
And those are all important things, but we gotta, like, live a little and have fun and play and make things enjoyable because that's how we make these lifestyle sustainable and how we you know, for the long run. If we're talking about longevity, we might have another forty, fifty years in front of us. How are we gonna make this fun, connect to ourselves, feel alive, and live a healthy life as we're doing it? I wanna touch on something you said because I think all of this is so so important.
What you what you brought up around talking about exercise and some of these things ad nauseam, I think is a really, really good point. Right? Because all of those things, all the basics and the foundations are essential, and people are this is a common topic. People are hearing about about that. So I'm gonna pick out something you said, which was, like, being inside of one's body and really feeling that, like, that sensual piece.
And let's go a little bit deeper into, like, what you mean by that. How how does somebody really know if they're in their body or not? Why is that valuable? And can you, like, even talk about, like, why that's valuable from a sexual health perspective?
Yeah. Yeah. So we live in a society which is all about productivity, to do list, taking and women especially I mean, this applies to every human being on the Earth, but women especially and in particular, I'm not a mom, but for the peep women who are moms, usually they're moms. They're running the household. They have work. Maybe they even own their own business or on a c suite level.
And there is just too many things pulling at this woman, and so what gets thrown aside is completely all of her own needs. On top of that, we have a society telling us if we are thinking about our own needs, especially when it's beyond food and shelter, but it's things like feeling good in our bodies, having a pleasurable experience, buying ourselves roses, having a boba. Like, are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? That's so selfish. Who has time for that? Must be nice. Must be nice.
Right? So this is all we're bombarded with, and yet, really, being able to tap into our bodies, our physical bodies, actually allows us to slow down enough so that we can understand where we're at right now, and that actually cat can catapult us forward. It's almost like a slingshot. Like, you pull back. You slow down. You pull back.
You figure out where you wanna aim, and then you let that slingshot go and you go much further than if you were to just maybe throw it, the rock or the ball or whatever. And so being in our bodies, one, is can be scary. Right? Maybe we have religious conditioning that our body's pleasure was bad. Maybe it's been through trauma. A lot of women, I think, is it one in four women have some sort of sexual trauma that they've experienced.
A lot of us are going through perimenopause or menopause where our bodies are, like, betraying, quote, unquote, us, and we don't even know who this is, this person is, or what this body who this body belongs to because this isn't what it used to do, and now it's doing all kinds of crazy things. And so it's it can be easy to just cut ourselves off at the neck. So when we bring that sensuality piece, and it doesn't necessarily mean sexuality.
They can they can be similar, but we can definitely separate them. When we bring in the sensuality piece, it's really how do we use our senses in our everyday life. Right? Sight, touch, sound, taste, smell, and then I like the sixth intuition, which is or sixth sense, which is intuition for our gut feeling. And when we do that, it can be really simple. Just taking three deep breaths is going to connect us back into our body. Just seeing, like, where am I feeling tight? What is feeling good?
What isn't feeling good? How can I make everyday mundane experiences like drinking a cup of coffee or putting my lotion on my body feel good and make me feel like a human and make me feel alive? And so that is where we start connecting on a deeper level to our bodies, and then that's where pleasure we can kind of step by step get a little bit higher and higher. And then, eventually, that pleasure can end up looking at our sexuality, looking at our libido, and not feel so overwhelming.
Because I don't know about you, but I know a lot of clients I work with, it's like, I can barely even pee have time to pee, let alone get to orgasm. Right? Which we all know, women, it's, you need at least twenty minutes. I mean, if you're solo, a little bit less. But But if you're with a partner, usually that's what it takes. And who has the patience or the time, and then it might not even be that great. Like, that's let's get real. Right. So there's effort.
And and a lot of times, thinking about the effort just becomes overwhelming, and so it's so much easier to just, like, shove it down. I don't need this. My life is okay. I don't need to have an extraordinary, you know, pleasurable life. But then something hits us, and it's usually around midlife. And we're like, wait a minute. I just got sold a list of goods that I don't really like, and now I'm ready for something new.
So in that way, for me, in my opinion, that is the connection between sensuality and libido and aging and the society we live in. Yeah. There's so much good stuff there. I appreciate the just, like, the framing around things that we hear so commonly in life. Like, that'd be that would be nice. Like, that'd be nice if I had the time. You know, those kind of things that we hear as women, as humans, as men, and just as humans in general, I think this comes up a lot. Right?
And so I really appreciate that. It's so, palpable. And the list, you know, that we do that you're talking about, I think the list goes on sometimes where, like, all the things we have to do that take us out of the body, that happens during the daylight you're talking about.
But then sometimes it actually happens when we're trying to be intimate, right, when we're not in our body and all of a sudden, it's like the brain is like, don't forget to buy the milk or make sure you take the you know, get the shoes for the kids or god forgot to do that at work and trying to be intimate and in one's body, and all of a sudden the brain's thinking about all the things that are not about the pleasure.
So do you find in your work then because what some of what I hear is, like, the connection even between sensuality and and sexual sexuality. And so are you finding sometimes in your work that if people are having, say, a hard time creating the time for a sex life, doing the things like you're talking about, pushing it away. It's like, I don't need this. I just kinda ignoring it.
Do you find sometimes that tuning into the sensual component of that you're describing, you know, putting the lotion on, feeling that, is that sometimes like a bridge for if sexuality has been lost, almost like a bridge kind of back into it? Yeah. That's exactly what it is because we're doing these things every day anyways. Right? We get out of the shower. We put it on our moisturizer on our face. So or our body. So why not make this a sensual experience being like, what does it smell like?
What is the texture of the lotion or oil? What does my skin feel like? Oh, that feels really nice to rub my legs or my back or my breasts, whatever it may be. And so then it doesn't feel so, scary or shameful perhaps or overwhelming. It's just something you do every day. We're just shifting how we think about it. Instead of it being something to go through and just cross off the list or we don't even have it on our list because it's so natural, like, oh, this actually feels good. I am a human.
I am a woman, and I feel alive right now because of my senses. And then, yeah, you're able to step into a more intimate experience with others on a sexual way in a sexual way because you've been creating this intimacy with yourself. And so when you create this intimacy with yourself, then it opens that gap or that bridge to step into feeling safe and confident also in doing that with someone else. Amazing. So I always like to leave people with an actionable step if possible.
So would you say then we could leave people with if where they're trying to really stoke their libido and they know it's valuable and know they're trying to get back there, but it's hard. Would you say a good actionable step then is something like you're saying just starting with picking an activity, like putting on lotion, brushing their hair, some other type of activity they're doing on a day to day basis anyways and try to do it from a more, like, pleasure filled way.
Would that be an actionable step you'd recommend? Exactly. And and then you could even transfer that into giving a massage with your partner, right, or having coffee together and drinking it and having essential experience in that way without anything sexual. Like, you can leave the sex part off the table if you want. So it's just getting more comfortable and all that. And so then that way, it it actually comes down to it just kind of hit me is, like, being present.
Because what you were saying is, like, sometimes we're in intimate situations and we're thinking about our to do list or what the kids need or the grocery store, whatever it is. And instead of being present in that moment with yourself, self, not even with the other person necessarily, but with yourself. And a lot of times I'll add one more thing just to get a little bit deeper, like a deeper layer.
A lot of times, our brains go to that because there's something underlying that we need to look at in a bigger way. And that could be maybe it is safety. I don't feel safe in my body, so I'm gonna disassociate and start thinking of these things. Maybe it's I don't feel good in my body. Like, I I'm not confident or I feel shame or I don't feel, you know, my body image is bad. Maybe we gotta look at that. Or it could be, different conditioning beliefs that we were told about sex.
And so I feel that is the place where most of us don't wanna go. And yet, if we actually are brave enough because it takes a lot of courage to do that, whether it's with a coach or a therapist or on your own or reading books, whatever it is, but exposing those underlying things, that also is a really great way to increase your libido, to enjoy your pleasure and all that.
But if if that's too much, like, yes, starting with the body moisturizing, starting with the hands on your heart and breathing, starting with that body scan of just what you're feeling, those are, like, the entry points of bringing more sensuality into your life for sure. I love it. I love it. I love it. And I know we could talk all day, and people wanna know more.
And you all this is a really exciting topic because in the summit that I've been talking about a little bit, you guys will be able to see doctor Nicole. We're gonna go more into all these topics, into the aging process, how that's associated with libido, sensuality, sexuality, a lot more on actionable steps. So make sure you look in the show notes for your free registration to the sexual health and sexual dysfunction summit that's coming up here very soon. You can register there.
And you'll see information there too about how to work with doctor Nicole, but I wanna make sure that we also kinda name how people get started with you and they learn more about how, you know, about your your offerings. Do you wanna tell us a little bit about that? Sure. Quickly. And I just wanna say I am so excited about this summit. Not just that I am part of it, but all the other speakers. Like, this is incredible.
And for everyone listening, I hope you run to register because there is nothing like this going on online or actually in person as far as I know. So it's just an incredible opportunity. But yeah. So I guess the best way is on, I'm on Instagram at doctor Nicole Marcioni. I also work with people one on one. I have a few offerings there, and I have a monthly, membership community in which these topics can be discussed freely without judgment in a, you know, supportive way.
And so I was like, you know, there really isn't a lot of these communities. So I why do you not create one? Because I know I'm gonna love that as well. So I would say, all of those are different ways to to work together, or to connect. And so, yeah, I just look forward to connecting in a much deeper level with all of you. Oh, thank you so much, and I hope you guys all take this to heart and you're not doing any sensual practice. Really look at starting with some of these actionable steps.
You'll find information about doctor Nicole, like I said, in the show notes. And this is just a reminder to stay classy, feel sexy, and always remember to be a little badassy. See you in the next one. Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge. Please don't keep me a secret. Please share this with your friends. You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.