Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido. We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode on the lounge. I'm so excited to bring on Susan Bratton, intimacy expert to millions. Susan and I have had the fortune of meeting each other a couple times on Summit. I got to spend New Year's with her, and we have the best episode for you guys today.
We're gonna talk about difficulty orgasming, how we can overcome this, really how we can focus more and more and more on our pleasure, the differences between women and men, and so much more. So welcome, Susan. So happy to have this conversation with you. Oh, it's so nice to see you again, doctor Diane. Thank you. We've been friends for quite a few years now and done quite a few things together. I think I met you first by doing a book blurb for you. You did. That was the first thing.
I was introduced you to write the bad commentary on my book. You sent it to your daughter, and then we've been bouncing around each other since. So so fun. I love it. Good to see you again, and I'm glad you I'm glad that you wanna talk about orgasm because, you know, I would say that if there's anything that I have thought about the most in my life, it's orgasms. I study them. It is my primary interest. And it's interesting because I like to call myself an orgasmanaut.
I imagine myself in a silver lame jumpsuit out at the furthest regions of the most exquisite pleasure, learning how to have different kinds of orgasms and hold incredible amounts of sensation in my body and surrendering into it with a level of heart connection to my lovers, with a level of turn on with myself, and with a level of connection to what I what I call source or Gaia, that connection to all of us as humanity.
So my orgasm is something that I consider to be a very alive part of my life, an evolving, maturing, expanding fireball of pleasure and joy that really fuels so much of what I do. And I went at no. I'm 62. I'll be 63 next month. I'm having the best orgasms of my life. Amazing sex. And at 42, I started on the journey of learning how to have orgasms because I could only have one orgasm using my twenty years ago rabbit vibrator.
And I almost got divorced because I didn't wanna have sex with my husband because I wasn't orgasming from intercourse, and I had intercourse with him for twelve years and never had an orgasm and just was really just disillusioned by it all. And it almost ruined my life and my marriage. I've been with him thirty two years now. We have sex that keeps getting better. I have 20 different kinds of orgasms, and it's what I love to teach people to do.
And there's so many myths and misunderstandings about it that what I love about giving people information about their orgasmic potential is that when I tell them things and they go, oh, oh, I didn't realize that was what it was, it's like an instant change. There are so many things where it's like, I just was working under misinformation, and now that I know what to do, I'm having orgasms. And so that's what's so nice about it.
It's very rewarding, for me and for the person having all the orgasms. Like, there's so much hope in what you just said because I know we have people listening that are listening like, oh my gosh. She's in 20 different types of orgasms. Like, I would just like to have one. Yeah. Right? And so and there there's so much hope in in explaining that. Like, where does somebody that either has never had an orgasm or is like, well, okay.
You they have this orgasm in, like, one type of way like you're describing, and it is just like it's something. It's not really, like, that exciting. It's not very motivating. Like, what what do you have to say to that just from a standpoint of, like, encouraging people that are in that that camp? Yeah. When I talk about the 20 kinds of orgasms, I the last thing I wanna do is have people be discouraged.
What I want you to understand is that there are many, many paths to orgasm, what I like to call orgasmic cross training. And, essentially, once you start getting one path to orgasm, you can spin up more paths so that almost everything can make you come after a while. And there's a couple of different things that you need to know to so so put aside the discouragement that you've had, and let's talk about orgasmic activation because it's very similar.
So you have let's just talk about the three I'm gonna take you through a couple of big picture things. There's three kinds of orgasms. There's locations to touch, your clitoris, your g spot, your nipples, things like that. There are orgasmic techniques like erotic hypnosis, where you can orgasm from the sig the verbal suggestion of it. That's a pretty interesting one.
Or expanded orgasms, which is a practice, a clitoral stroking practice that I've been practicing for decades that has helped me really become orgasmic in a lot of other ways as well that uses a five stroke technique. It's like a a yoga form or any kind of thing that you're doing to the operating system of your body to elicit a specific response. In this case, an orgasm that is stretched out where time is like taffy. And when you have the orgasm, it's not just this fleeting little moment.
It's this really long, pleasurable orgasmic sensation. That's the, you know, the kind of the the strategies, the technologies, if you will. And then the third is objects of desire. And objects of desire could be anything that turns you on. But one of my favorite categories for orgasmic cross training, learning how to activate all these different parts of your body so that they all kind of come online and become orgasmic is using sex tools.
I don't think they're toys because I'm not playing around Diane. They are tools, tools of pleasure. And it turns out that for the female body, there are eight types of tools that you can use to activate the different parts of your body so that you can have different kinds of orgasms and lots of stuff makes you come as you get better and better at it. So orgasms are a learned skill. There are lots of kinds of them. You can have more and more of them as you activate different areas.
One link I wanna give you right now is to orgasmiccrosstraining.com because orgasmic cross training has the eight tools for the female body and the four tools for the male body that help you achieve all of these different kinds of orgasms. So what's nice is that you can use the tools in solo pleasuring to wake up that mind body connection, which is the next piece I wanna introduce to this.
And then when you're with a partner, it's much easier to have orgasms with or without the tools because you've had you've created the neural pathways. So one of my friends, doctor Nan Wise, she recently wrote a book called Why Good Sex Matters, and she's a neuroscientist slash therapist, sexual therapist. And she's done a great amount of work, clinical research by putting women in MRIs and stimulating different parts of their body and noticing that it lights up different parts of our brain.
So there are a lot of parts of our body that can be orgasmic. And if you're not currently having orgasms from stimulating certain areas, like I can orgasm from clitoral stimulation, but I can't orgasm from, penile penetration. I can orgasm from, you know, from intercourse, but I can't orgasm when my g spot is pleasured. I have never experienced female ejaculation, or it happens to me every time I have sex.
People have different halves that they've kind of figured out or honed, but the other ones can just be added right in over time by stimulating the different parts of your genital system and other erogenous zones, like orgasms from your belly, footgasms, orogasms, throatgasms, nipplegasms, and breastgasms. These are all erogenous zones that can be highly orgasmic. So I didn't used to have any kind of orgasm, but the one and done clitoral kind of poof, and that was it.
And the thing is that we've been really under what I would call patriarchal sexuality mores and still using things like the old nineteen sixties Masters and Johnsons concept of orgasm, which is really tied much more to a male ejaculatory orgasm, a one and done, when actually all bodies, including male bodies, penis owning bodies, are massively multi orgasmic from lots of stimulation.
So when you touch a location in your body and you you think to yourself, it feels numb or it feels painful or it feels shameful instead of pleasurable. All I want you to know right now is that you can transform, active, act activate, awaken the pleasure by giving it loving touch.
That over time, when you approach your orgasm as expanding your sensation and the mind body connection and bringing in some of the the the extra reinforcements that you might need, and we can talk about what those are, the extra reinforcements to kind of activate the orgasm so that once you have it, you can start having them reliably. That's really a good way to think about it is that the female body is massively multiorgasmic, and she learns more over time as you begin to play with her.
I love it. It and I think where I wanna go. I wanna come back to the extra enforcements because I think that's important. But I also wanna bring up this whole thing that I I see happen so much time, which is, like, orgasmic pressure, right, where it's like there is this discrepancy between the, you know, Rosemary Bassan's arousal, you know, model of arousal and the Masters and Johnson and other models out there.
But I think it's led to this cultural thing where there's this destination and men oftentimes and partners in general, not just men. We have this desire to provide pleasure to our partners. Right? That's just a, I think, a human thing. And so with orgasm, there can be, like, a pressure for one partner to be like, oh, I wanna make sure the other partner orgasms because I don't wanna provide that person pleasure.
And then on that receiving end, it can be more like, well, I wanna make sure I get to orgasm in part because I wanna experience it, but also I want to that other person to know they did a good job for me. And it's just pressure, pressure, pressure around orgasm. So how do we get out of that? How do we break down, like, the orgasmic pressure that comes, I think, bidirectionally in couples? Yeah. It's called performance anxiety, and it affects everyone. We all worry.
But the more that you learn to have orgasms, the more confident you get that they're going to happen, the more that you understand that it's not something that you can affect, but instead that it's something that you allow. I think that's a big difference as well is that all of your orgasms are in there, and they want to come out like a well spring, a beautiful cool spring is just bursting from the earth and flowing out. That's how they work.
You're you don't have to go in there and stick a pipe down in the earth and suck orgasms out. You can actually just allow them to come up. And I like to call that birthing your orgasm, which is much less about squeezing down and trying and more about opening and allowing. And so that's a nice little reframe as well.
There's another thing that I wanted to say too, which was that I will tell you if I had a nickel for every person who said to me, don't don't sex toys make it more difficult for you to orgasm if you don't have one? Don't they desensitize you? I think that goes back to, religious repressed patriarchal cultural mores again that we're trying to break free of as women. And, no, in fact, it's the opposite. And as a matter of fact, the newest toy that it's funny. I have it right here.
The newest toy that I'm working with I work with a company called Fun Factory quite a bit. I'm a I'm a one of their, you know, fairly important influencers. And they they just launched this new toy called the sundaes. I can have one sent to you if you'd like me to.
And Right. What I like about it is that they are now, designing this particular tool to stimulate three different types of nerve endings, something called Merkle's discs, something called Pacinian corpuscles, and another one called Ruffini endings. And the way that they're doing that is they're actually taking this toy, and they part of it is penetrating vibration, part of it is tapping vibration, and part of it is how you use it on the body. And so tools are getting very sophisticated.
And what happens is that when you use a toy and I'll show you, Diane. I know we're really on audio, but I will show you that I sitting next to me, I have my mother's crystal candy bowl full of all these cross training toys that are at Orgasmic Cross Training. All the toys I recommend from all the different categories, the air stimulators, the liquors, the g spots, the thrusters, the rabbits, and the wand. The wand doesn't fit in my bowl, but it's right here.
And what's important to understand is that each one of these is actually stimulating different parts of the vulvovaginal area. And so what's happening as you're tapping, thrusting, licking, sucking, all these areas is that your brain is going, oh, Oh. Oh, I feel that. Oh, do I like that? And this is where you get into the adding in the other components piece of having more orgasmic capacity, where all of a sudden you're laying down these neural pathways and your body is like, oh, yeah.
I like that. Oh, that feels good. Oh, oh, that's nice. And pretty soon, you're starting to have orgasms from all kinds of different locations that you're stimulating, in the in in your genital anatomy because though the tip of the clitoris, of course, has the 10,000 nerve endings, it has little arms, it has big legs, it has a clitoral body, it has a urethral sponge, It has a perineal sponge. It has vaginal mucosal lining.
It has the cervical area as what was your friend who just did a good that good episode about the cervical orgasms? Jamie Thompson. Jamie Thompson. She was really good. If you didn't listen to that episode of Diane's show, go back and listen to Jamie. I thought that was very nice. She did a really good job. And so what's great about it is that these tools stimulate the signals to the brain.
So the brain wakes up, and then they start to light up more and more, and then it starts to feel really good. And then all of a sudden, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, you're knocking down all these kinds of orgasms. They're flowing out of you. You have less performance anxiety. You enter into a lovemaking date confident that it's simply a matter of time. Diane, I wanted to tell you about a lovemaking date I had yesterday just as soon as possible. Yeah. Tell me a story. AI? Please.
So yesterday afternoon, the sunlight was streaming into my bed. I'd gone on a bike ride with my lover, and we had taken a shower and we laid down on the bed right in the swath of the sunshine. And I said, can you rub some of this THC pain cream on my chest where I I got some sunburn because my bikini top was lower than the last one I wore the other day? And sure, sweetheart. I can do that. And then I said, could you rub this mother butter into my my thighs, my shins, and my arms? Sure, baby.
He did that. And then I said, could you rub this Awaken Arousal Oil on my whole vulva all the way out to my groin, even including my mons and down kind of almost to my perineum? But don't go inside, just all on the outside. Sure, Precious. Let me do that for you. How's that? Does it feel good? Yes. And then I said, okay. Could you use the breast oil now? And could you rub it on my breasts? And could you play with my boobs and my nipples? And could we make out now?
And he said, of course, I'd love to do that. And so, you know, so, one one guy would be like, well, he certainly takes direction well. You're basically just bossing him around. But my boyfriend would never think about that. What are the benefits for him? Well, she always tells me exactly what she needs to surrender to her pleasure. She always has new ideas for fun.
I love that every time we make love, her body wants something different, and she's so tuned into it that she knows what it is, and she just tells me so I don't have to guess. And I love how relaxing it is to be with her. There's never any rush. She takes her time and allows herself to get turned on at the pace that is whatever her body is telling her that day. And it just calms me down too because I don't have performance anxiety because she doesn't have performance anxiety.
And I always love to give her so many orgasms. I love how responsive she is. And we kept going with that date. But I think that for a lot of women, just hearing a story like that where it would be okay for them to ask for anything and everything that they want in the moment in an ongoing conversation throughout every lovemaking date is still a very foreign thing.
And I just want women to feel like there is not only nothing wrong with that, that's what makes sex great because we are different every moment of every day. We run with the moon. And the moon waxes and wanes and changes us from kitty cats to to lionesses in any given moment. And so we could start off feeling, like, really far from our pleasure or super turned on and ready to go.
But until we really listen to ourselves and we use these lips to speak for these lips, we can't really get to that full, you know, relaxation and and having no performance anxiety. And I think that's one of the biggest tips is just what does she want? What does your body want? Listen to her and speak for her in all moments. I love that. And the other thing I wanna point out when you said that I think is so important is that that allowing her to become turned on, right, versus like, okay.
We are going right into intercourse in this moment. Lube it up. Go right in, and that thing that winds up happening versus saying, like, oh, it's okay if she needs an hour today. She might need seven minutes tomorrow. Like, there's there's that flexibility.
And and I also think there's so much to be said about from that safety perspective around, like, if we can speak in from a standpoint of being self advocates, it does oftentimes lead to that relaxation of our erogenous zones and and that allowing of that orgasm to occur. So I just love all of that. I I know we're running out of time today, so my question for you is around this concept of orgasm, amiss if we did not?
Yeah. I was thinking that we promised the you know, what are the other things you can do to help yourself come to orgasm? I think that's what we should talk about to close now. The very first thing so a lot of solo pleasuring with toys. I recommend that. You don't there's it's been you use an oral irrigator. You use a toothbrush. You use an instant pot. You drive a car. Use toys. Fill up your pleasure chest with the orgasmic.
Whatever ones you want out of the orgasmic cross training or whatever looks good for you. It's just nice to see the categories so you can be like, oh, I'd like to try an air simulator. Oh, I'd like to try a thruster. You know, whatever it might be. And the second thing is you can double up on toys. You can triple up on toys. You can put a a little booty plug in. You can put a thruster or a dildo inside you or a g spot wand. You can add a wand or a vibrator or an air stimulator on your clitoris.
Load them up, girls. Ain't no shame in coming super well, super long, super hard, and lots and lots. That's another thing. The the third thing is I have a a pleasure protocol that I recommend, and I'll send you some, Diane. I I'm sorry. I didn't think to send this to you earlier. But, it's, three products. I'll show it to you. I'll get I'll get your address so I can send it to you. There's an Awake and Arousal Oil, and then and that goes on the outer vulva. That's what my boyfriend put on me.
And then there's Melts. Those go inside the vagina, and it's cocoa butter, CBD, and botanicals that melts intravaginally. They also have non CBD versions, by the way. It's all at pleasureprotocol.com. And those really feel very nice for intercourse. And CBD activates the mind body connection, which is what you're going for. The reason your brain is your biggest sex organ is that it's what processes stimulation into pleasurable sensation. It tells you it feels good.
You've gotta get the mind going with the vulva. And the CBD uses the endocannabinoid system to do just that. It's they're hormones signaling hormones. And then the third one is sex oil for as much slide and glide as you want when you make love or anytime that you're just wanting a good yoni massage or what have you. And they work together really well. So add those in so you're getting that activation. The Awaken is almost like a pre lubricant.
And then do nipple stimulation while you're using the tools on your genitals because your mouth and your nipples and breasts are a three legged stool of your arousal. And your arousal is not just direct stimulation. It's full body stimulation. So getting and remember, even if you think to yourself, well, my breasts aren't very sensitive. My nipples aren't very sensitive. I didn't have nipple orgasms until I started pleasuring my nipples.
Now I can come and come and come just from my nipples being touched ever so slightly. And it's amazing. And it gets your vulva, your internal erectile tissue, the three erectile tissue systems of the vulva, which is as big as all the erectile tissue in the penis. It's just in three little compartments, it it starts to get the blood flow from the inside out rather than just expecting everything to come from the outside in. So it gives you a deep, really nice engorgement.
Engorgement is where the blood flows in. It expands the erectile tissue. It creates more surface area, which then when it's stimulated, sends more pleasure signals to your brain to register more pleasure. So that woman who's like, I don't I can't really I can't really it doesn't feel like much. I feel like, that's lack of engorgement. And so stimulating the other areas and then fantasy. Think the dirtiest things you can think of, the taboo things, the things you'd never even tell.
Me and everybody tells me everything. Think those dirty, dirty thoughts that turn you on. Because fantasy is healthy. Fantasy gets the juices running. It really relaxes you, and it gets you turned on. And everything that I've said today on this show, and thank you again for having me. I love talking about orgasms. You're gonna keep getting better and better and better as you do it. So if your fantasies start off pretty tame, give it a year. Oh, girl. You're gonna be thinking the dirtiest things.
And then over time, some of them might actually become realities because you're just maturing sexually. You're entering into your orgasm era right the hell now. And so those are some of the things that can really, really help you. Fantastic. This has been so wonderful. And Good. I hope you guys have been scribbling notes down like crazy. Remember, you can download this episode, though, and go back and listen to it a million times.
And definitely do that because as I've been saying for this entire year now, whichever guest has the most downloads, the most shares, likes, comments, etcetera, we're gonna invite them back at the end of twenty twenty four to do a very deep dive on all these topics and more, and I I certainly want Susan back. I could talk to you all day, Susan. Thanks. Also, just remember that it's a sexy season. In sexy season, we have a ton of giveaways and promotional things.
And remember, if you screenshot if you rate our podcast and screenshot it, send it into us, and we have a lot of raffles and giveaways. Our twenty one day libido jump start deep dive, we're giving away a thousand dollar value to one person. So a lot of cool things there. Make sure you register. Susan, we'll have your links for the, for the orgasmic cross training and the pleasure protocol. We'll have all of those links of yours in the show notes. And just thank you again today for coming on.
It's a pleasure as always to talk to you. Yeah. Let me get you a Sundays for your giveaway. Let me get you some Forria pleasure protocols for your giveaway. How about that? I would love that. Yeah. It'll be my pleasure. Let's give you that. I can also give you a bunch of my programs, my books and programs to give away if you'd like to have those. I'm thinking maybe That's fine. Sexual Soulmates, Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, Female Liquid Orgasm, my steamy sex ed video collection.
Why don't I give you one of each of those to give away as well? That's amazing, you guys. Sexy season just got sexier and hotter. We have so many giveaways now. So please do please do rate us. Please do review. We'll get you in this raffle. And now not only do we have a bunch of stuff from me, we have a bunch of stuff from the amazing Susan Bratton to give away as well. So gonna sign off for today, reminding you all to feel sexy, stay classy, and always be a little badass y. See you next time.