Welcome to the let it flow podcast. I'm Alexis and I'm Carly. We're just two humans figuring things out. And we're here to share deeper conversations about mindset, spirituality, personal growth and standards on everything in between. We hope this podcast encourages you to ask bigger questions and think and live outside the box. We are always learning. But the one thing we found to be 100% true, is that life is meant
to flow. So whether you're all in on your personal growth dirty or just starting out, let's flow together. Well, welcome to whatever said are we on now? Number six, eight eight! Oh my God! Eight! Welcome to episode 8 of Let it Flow today. We have a dear friend of Alexis and I, although we've never met in person, Emily Cooper's. She is from South Africa, and is an NLP practitioner and experimentalists and A really lovely person. Anywho.
I'm so grateful to have met and that's all I got em. Do you want to introduce yourself? Hi, guys. Thank you so much for having me first rule. This is so cool, this is so much fun. See ya. I my name is Emily Cooper. As you said, I go by the title.
Emotional, Freedom coach, which I know Alexis you mentioned, you kind of wanted me to explain a little bit which I will get to but yes, I am. I am a certified NLP practitioner life coach previous lawyer in another life and the reason I call myself and emotional Freedom, coach really, stems from the story about how I got into this work, which was, I think, as most of us was working on myself first and I found that throughout high school and throughout University.
I have always been such a deep empath, but really, when it came to relationships and friendships and Korea and University, I had all of these emotions and I felt all these feelings so deeply, and I always kind of acted out on my emotions, and I laid quote-unquote by my heart, which got me into a lot of trouble, and a lot of heartache, and a lot of situations such as weren't benefiting me at all. All. So, I kind of started getting to the root of some of these
emotions. These feelings that were leading to certain actions and behavior. And from there by healing, at the root based on experiences that I had experienced as a child. And as a teenager, I was then able to kind of free myself from those emotions that were causing me to act in certain non self-serving ways. So I think a lot of people can hear the term, emotional, Freedom coach and think that I am advocating for not feeling your feelings which is 100%, not the case.
I am advocating for fully feeling, your feelings, getting to the root of them. Healing, whatever is there to heal, if it's obviously not serving you and then ultimately creating this life that is beautiful where you are taking action that does serve you. That's me, I love that. I never heard that. That description of you before I like it. I also want to say that I love
another way. I thought of what you just said to. It's like not being controlled by your emotions but learning so deeply from them. I love that. Exactly. That is the entire brand or I pay is not needed to kind of like act on these really strong emotions.
You can actually just sit with them be with them, understand them, and part of the incredible thing about being human, Is once we understand something, we have so much more power to change our situation or to just act in a way that is aware as opposed to just constantly running. Yeah, as I said, kind of like with your heart or letting your heart lead, the way it goes off and it's not actually your heart.
It's these kind of like, trauma-informed, behaviors, you said, you were a lawyer and I love that story. I listened to your hole. Story of that on your podcast so you can will link your podcast in the show notes to if people want to go. Listen, but I know you'll touch on it a little bit here. Did you dive into that emotional freedom in those techniques, while you were a lawyer?
And then because any transition to a coach and that's a big step and two very different, career paths, and a lot of emotions come up when you're switching, I definitely understand that. So I'd love for you to touch on how that how that all happened. Like, did that work happen through the process or did you did? Quit and then figure things out.
How did that look for you? Yeah, so I remember this moment as one of the absolute foundational core moments of this whole story and probably of my life. I was in my third year of University studying to obviously become a lawyer and I was house-sitting at somebody else's house and I was kind of in this situations ship. Ship. The thing with a guy that was really upsetting me, completely something.
I wasn't taking ownership. For should never have been in was not my business to be in, right? But nevertheless, I was there and I was just looking for answers. Okay I was looking for answers and went onto Netflix. Evidently not looking for answers on Netflix. Probably just to distract myself and the secret like the documentary that every single one of us has watched Was being highlighted or whatever on Netflix and I watched it. And at first, I was like, what
on Earth is this rubbish? And then I kind of started like, you know, researching the whole concept of manifestation, that just led me down to Rabbit Hole after Robert Hall, after rabbit hole, right? I can throw out names. Like, Leo Alexandra was one of the kind of like YouTubers that I would watch and I got into the whole spirituality.
Asian side of things first. And then I kind of slowly progressed towards more of the like healing and inner child work and all of that sort of stuff, right? That was as I said, the whole of third year the Hall of final year university and then 2020, I was supposed to take. I'd now graduated I was supposed to take a gap year and do legal NGO work like legal. Work. And then obviously the world kind of shut down and South Africa, had one of the strictest lockdowns in the world.
So, for five weeks, we were not allowed out of our house, if you are out of your house, you had to have like a pass and everything. So, that gave me a lot of time, and it was the first time genuinely, since I've started high school, because I went to the best girls school in the country. So, we were super academically. I pushed all the time and it was the first time since high school that I separated my identity from work.
And from academics and from results and From Success because the I had nothing to do it was me and my house and my dogs for five weeks straight and I'll cook down if you will ended up lasting two years. What that gave me was so much time for meditation introspection Action reflection. I read so much and what I started to kind of realize it was that seed that was planted of.
I never want to go back to living how I was living, where I was working for so many hours, a day doing something that interested me, but didn't fulfill me doing something that I didn't know. If it could truly make a difference in the world and doing something that was so linked to my identity. Consistently anyway at the end of 2020, literally, like the 20th of December 2020.
I get an email telling me that I've been hired as a state prosecutor for 20 21 and I had like three days or five days too. Be there, this time to get to the place, right? And I could have obviously declined, but I kind of sat with myself in this moment and I was like, okay, you know what? This is going to be the test that determines whether I am truly not supposed to be a lawyer. So I'm going to give myself a
year. I'm going to throw myself into this and then if I'm still feeling this way in a year's time, I know that that is my absolute. Clear sign that I need to leave. So I did that honestly, one of the most thrilling years of my life in terms of the things that I saw in the things that I did but ultimately also one of the least fulfilling years of my life and I got to the 20th of December, literally a whole year later 2020 and that was the day
that I left and never came back. So it was exactly a year. Sorry 2021, not 2020. And then I went into coaching because in the time that I was working, I obviously never stopped working on myself and also never stopped thinking. Okay, if I do leave after this year, what am I going to go into? So I got my certification, I created my Instagram account. I was doing both at once, and then obviously, once my contract was up at the end of the year, I then Left and picked up coaching full-time.
That's such a roller coaster. What made you decide that you wanted to help coach other people? Because not everyone has that piece of themselves, you know, there's a lot of people that work on themselves and self-development but not everybody is cut out for helping other people in that way. Did, what was that trigger for you? That said I need to be a part of the space and I just really want to help people with, with This knowledge, I think it was just this desire within me to share
the work that I was learning. I was always somebody that naturally shared whatever I was doing on my personal Instagram account. Anyway, not whatever I was doing but just the things that I was learning that I felt valuable. I've always been a very natural and passionate writer from So Young from when I learn to write, when I was seven. And so I was often posting my writing, which was kind of Personal development inclined. That was posting by writing on
my personal Instagram page. And people are applying saying like, oh, this is amazing, right? Never thought of this idea or, you know, you kind of reframe that concept for me. It was this. Yeah. Just this natural desire to share everything that I was learning coupled with. That was this desire longing purpose I suppose that I've had since I was a little girl to help People again, going back to that. Impasse identity of mine.
When people asked me as a child, what I wanted to be, when I was older, I could not tell you, I could not give you a career, but my answer every single time was I just want to help people. That's all I want to do when I grow up. And so hence me getting into law because I was like, oh, this will be helping people. And unfortunately, I learnt through or at least my experience of law was that I wasn't helping anybody. And so then the natural pivot
was okay. I'm learning all of this stuff about the personal development space. I'm applying it to myself. I have helped myself so much and I have literally changed what my whole life looks like. And more importantly, how I feel within myself within my being within my body, therefore, I know that this will help other people and if Mike or purpose or passion has always been to help.
I know that I'm not going to just kind of be stabbing in the dark here, thinking like, oh maybe I'll help people it. I've tried and tested it on myself first, I was the beta and now I can kind of go into this confidently knowing that I will be able to help people. I was going to ask what topic do you like to focus on? Because there's a lot of
different types of coaches. And I know you say, emotional freedom but there's a lot of there's emotional freedom in so many areas of your life to, I know from Look at your Instagram that you focus on relationships. A lot relationship itself and relationship with others and I know you just got engaged and I'm celebrating. Thanks. But yeah, if you could touch on that, Yeah. So with my clients, I found that relationships were coming up
consistently, right? So I don't only coach on relationships, obviously, but I believe that your relationship to solve and then your relationship to other people or two of them. Most Consuming aspect of your life especially for women. Women generally speaking.
Obviously this is a generalization are so much more focused on relational Dynamics. Be it again that relationship to self friendships relationships relationship to family right men again, generalization can totally focus on purpose and Korea and kind of block everything else out.
Whereas, I found that the woman that I was working with, if they were experiencing conflict or disruption in their relationship, to their self or again in any other relationship and their life, particularly romantic relationships.
It was really kind of bleeding into every other aspect of their life, right there weren't able to kind of push their career in the direction, it wanted to go. They couldn't get their home life in order, they weren't feeling fulfilled, they didn't want to Show up for themselves and exercise, and all of that,
right? So my content and actually reflected that because I was often getting these kind of kings of inspiration from my clients sessions with my clients, I also just think that I have always approached the creation of my content from my own experience and my own experience with this whole kind of emotional.
Freedom Journey has always involved relationship to self relationship to Others and specifically for me it was always those romantic relationships because I had such a terrible relationship to myself. Self worth was never something that was modeled to me. It was never something that I was able to cultivate growing up. I didn't even know that the concept to me was so foreign that I distinctly remember discussing. Another situation ship with one
of my best friend's. I was talking to her about it and she messaged me and she said, Emily can you not see that you are worth so much more than this? And there was this moment where I read that text message and I can remember where I was, what time it was and there was this feeling of absolute numbness towards that concept. I couldn't even conceptualize of What it would feel like to know that I was worth more than that situation. It was completely foreign, right?
And so, because I had this terrible relationship with to myself with myself, didn't understand what self-worth meant that then obviously naturally fed into the kind of romantic relationships or situation ships. I was getting into because those relationships were causing so much negative feedback. It back where it was just kind of validating that I am worthless and I shouldn't be treated, right? And all of that, that then was bleeding into my inability to leadership for my law degree at
times. It was bleeding into my inability to show up at the gym. If, you know, it was just kind of this never-ending extension. So for me, in my life, where I chose to change, Was those two? Well it really it is the relationship to self which then follows through to the relationship to others and that is I suppose primarily where my content is Created from because I do believe that for people that do struggle with their self-worth.
If we can start there, it naturally has the domino effect into so many other areas without us even having to look at it. Not fake, recreating, the foundation of yourself, which everything else stands upon that Foundation. That's beautiful. Yeah, 100%. And that's something so many people, struggle with. I was going to say so many women, but so many humans in general. I've definitely met a lot of men to that struggle with self and it can be so sneaky.
Yeah, goes in a little radar. Yeah, yeah, and we definitely should not exclude men. Now, from this conversation at all, I agree with you. I mean, I think the personal development space. I was thinking about this the other day is so inundated with women's voices. Mmm. And I was because my fiance I need to get used to saying that, but my fiancé is getting certified in NLP. Currently he's also getting certified in a bunch of other things.
And I was thinking about it as he was kind of creating his social media page and all of that I was Wow. How many men do I actually follow on this account? How many male personal development voices? Do I know of? And if I was to suggest to a male friend who wanted to follow men in the space, who would I suggest that that person followed? I have no idea. Right.
And so, whilst I think that's great, in terms of, if you are a man in the personal development space, it's probably Be a lot easier to have your voice heard because there are fewer of you equally if you are a man looking for guidance and assistance and help. There are not many people that you can turn to, right? Not many people that you can resonate with and this can obviously, we can go even
further. If we look at male people of color that, you know, we can go further further further along in this discussion but yes, I think in terms of, Of worthiness, I don't think there is a category of people that experience low
self-worth. It is very much something that's that could belong or attached to absolutely anybody and 100% that men need to be included in these discussions because there is less of a chance that a man is going to hop onto social media and find someone that they resonate with and of the big accounts. What? I personally, I guess my experience, there's a lot of big accounts for men. There's a lot for women too, but there's a lot of, you know, with more saturated.
So there are the smaller accounts where if somebody messages you and you're going to respond and interact and you can that attention a little bit. And you can see that that person is a real Human being a real Coach behind the screen if men only have access to the big accounts that have millions of followers, you're just another DM in the Inbox and that's not as approachable. They have definitely had different interactions with varying levels of accounts.
And that's what I love most about there, being so many different options. So many different people in the women's space because not everyone Vibes with what everyone is saying. Like, like everyone finds with a different personality and it's so important to share your
voice. Interesting too. Because I know I've discovered some accounts of men and I was starting to notice how the men in the personal development space and I would love to hear like feedback from anyone watching this of like people you follow or that have found that you really like that are particularly men, but they tend to be more like action-based. Like, a lot of like, men I see in this realm are doing like the active breathwork. And they're more like into the body and like releasing it
through the body which I love. I think that's so powerful and I feel like that kind of is like the difference between like the masculine energy and The Feminine energy to feminine is much softer. And although like breath work is like getting goose bumps right now, breathwork is like so powerful and yoga and the physical action of moving the
body working with the body. So powerful, I do think that that feminine energy of talking and going kind of Bowie and and doing it in the way that we see so many female coaches and females in the in this industry doing it is that's just a thought I had. It would be really interesting to look into a little bit more and see if that's a Common Thread, a little bit. Yeah, I mean, I think even as you said that is so I suppose stereotypically the masculine feminine Dynamic right. Where?
I even think of interactions with Matt my fiance If I come to him with a, you know, something that's on my mind and I just want to talk, right? It's the feminine way. I just want to be heard. Just understand me. Don't give me a solution. I just need you to understand me. Just listen. Exactly. I have the solution. I know that I have the solution, I might not have found it yet, but I know it's there. So all I need is that kind of emotional release of? Let me just just listen, just
hear what I have to say. Tell me, I'm right, tell me I'm wrong. Whatever doesn't matter, but just like You there with me and be present, where is Matt will go immediately into solution mode. What can we do? How can we fix it? What's the next action? Step less talking more doing right? In fact, one time I even came to him with something that was on my mind and he immediately pulled out a notebook and started writing like Solutions like 1 to 10. And I was like, whoa.
No. No I don't that's actually really does regulating me. Me, I don't need Solutions right now. I just need to d load off load and then we can. So is it that feminine slowness, that feminine price, testing that feminine like needs to just be heard which I think is probably so rooted in years and years and centuries of not being and to be good and not being able to speak, right? So now it's almost as if we're reclaiming that which I think is incredible.
Go us but but yes, I agree. You when you when you translate that masculine doing into the space, it is so much more semantic. And it is often the kind of the breath work and the cold plunge has all of the like super action based things. Yeah, which I do think is there's going to I already see it. There's becoming more of a balance, a balance of that because I do think both are so beneficial and I noticed there's seasons of what I'm going through.
Ooh, where I really just feel I want to talk and want to work more like an LP and just have those deeper conversations and really dig up what's within me. And then there's also the times where I'm like I just need to go and like beat the cement and run you know it's kind of those the end I think learning to listen to that and what works for you in the moment and not also getting stuck in. One thing is such a beautiful thing to but that's kind of the experiment of it.
All is Like trying it and stuff, which I forgot to say Emily. You are a 35 psychogenic generator talking about human design. And that's three is all about experimentation. We were talking about this before we started recording today and I just find it so interesting that your path shows that it shows that experimentation. And the fact that you were able to I love, I love your story about taking the year to commit
to doing your lawyer. I'm work and seeing how that goes and just to kind of test it out and see if it works. I mean, I know for myself, I am a 36 profile. So right now I have double three, double experimentation. And sometimes I get so distracted by things that I don't even give myself time to go through the whole process. So that's super invaluable to Take the time to really sit with it and see how it feels. So that's kind of cool. Brings it in a little circle there.
Yeah well you guys are the human design experts. I have no clue what's cooking when it comes to human design but I had heard the explanation of the three split before being you know the person that does experiment a lot often makes mistakes and then learns from that. Experimentation learns from those mistakes. And then ultimately teachers it's that learn, teach dynamic or it will experience, learn teach Dynamic.
And when I learned this and this is potentially opening up a tangent and a can of worms into human design of which I have no business talking about. But when I learned this again, me so much permission and I want to say removed a lot of A shame because I was always criticizing myself for not being able to just stick to one thing or just, you know, be that person that got the normal legal 9 to 5 job and just stayed there for the rest of my life because I have mentioned this on my podcast,
but I had security of tenure. I literally could have been in that same job for the rest of my life. They could not have fired me. Unless I did something really bad, you know? And I was like why why have you could you not have just been that person or The same thing with sports, I would start a sport.
Get bored, move onto another sport master that get bored move on to another thing and I just always labeled myself as inconsistent lazy, always terrible things that don't need to be repeated, but learning that about the three slits and about how, you know, I am the experimenter and then I go on to to teach which is ultimately in the era that I'm in now, really just gave me. So much permission to continue experimenting and making mistakes.
And, yeah, I just removed a lot of that shame, which was incredible. Yeah, I know, we've had this conversation about how we relate on this level and I just, yeah, everything you just said. Yes. It's and human design has been the same for me and allowing you to sit with it for a second. Be like, wait, this is me. Like I am designed this way for a reason and it can start you on that process of figuring out how to act. Work with the energy and work with it in a productive and
positive way. That's yeah. Yeah, it's funny that you have the three and Carly has a three and you're 35 and I'm a 5-1. So I relate on the five side of it which is that like the natural leadership and people seeing that you could help them in some way which aligns with coaching a lot and that you often times see solutions that nobody else has thought of Or you can come into a conversation and just provide that solution and insight. And since you're a 35-year, the experienced hero.
So 3 is the experience, the trying, everything, and the 5 is that hero coming in with Solutions, and helping people. So, everything you've said about your whole life to make sense, I think that makes me sound way cooler than I actually am, but I'll take that sir. Calling yourself a hero. Write it on your mirror. Change, might change my bio.
One thing you said earlier and I loved is you found that what you were doing with your work when you were a lawyer it was interesting but it wasn't fulfilling and that really spoke to me because I think I've been figuring out the last couple years what that looks like for me. So I would love to hear like for you what is the difference you find when something's yeah, maybe interesting to you and kind of can get you excited for a little bit. This is fulfilling. Yeah, for sure.
So one of the best things I ever learned and I'm not going to take credit for this because I genuinely cannot say whether this was something I like channel to whether I read it somewhere, but one of the best things that I ever learnt all became aware of, is that just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you need to do that thing as a career or just generally as a hobby, right? I believe that I was a very good.
Good competent lawyer. I can obviously measure that statistically in terms of Harmony case, as I 1 versus lost all of the things, right? I was also kind of fast-tracked towards promotions within the system. I was doing things faster than people, my age should have been allowed to do it all the things. Right. And that was really A bit of a thorn in my side, in the sense that it held me back from making the moves that I needed to make
for quite a while. Or at least I, let it hold me back, because I was thinking, I'm just so good at this thing. And people keep telling me that I'm really good and people keep telling me that I'm making impact, so maybe I should just stick it out and see if one day, I reach that level of fulfillment that I am Desiring so much, right.
And And when I was really honest with myself because what I've noticed my sort of patterning is is that I get this kind of seed of information or this little like intuitive nudge within me and if it's something that's scary to look at, I push it down for, as long as possible. But I know it's there and I'm very aware of the fact that it's there, and it's not so much that I'm pushing it down to ignore it.
It's that I'm pushing it down until I am in a space that I'm able to look at it. Because if I look at it too soon, it's I'm not going to be able to handle it and the way that it needs to be handled. So I kind of just push that down a little bit and we're living. She, I had the time and kind of like mental face and look at that seed that has been planted.
I realized that if I went off of my value, as I spoke about previously of helping, people of serving people, I wasn't fulfilled because in my line of work, Work for various reasons that I'm not going to go into, it's irrelevant. I didn't feel that I was helping people, right? So I wasn't fulfilled on that level. I also wasn't fulfilled in terms of my lifestyle. As I have also mentioned, when you are a lawyer, being a lawyer
is your entire identity. You cannot be anything outside of that because you don't have the time. So I couldn't technically I have the label of girlfriend, but honestly, most of the time I was being a bitch. She uses girlfriend, I didn't have time to gym or to read or to do any of the things that I wanted to do. And when I was doing those things, my mind was back in law. My mind was thinking about the case I had on Monday or the documents that needed filing. Whatever it was, right?
So in terms of my lifestyle, when I had realized in 2020 that my identity was so much more or Then lawyer or academic or corporate or whatever it was that I thought it was. I could no longer adhere to a lifestyle that I lied allowed me to only be one thing. And so, therefore, there was the Schism or this gap between something that I was really good at and that I found interesting to this day. I geek out at legal journals. I was reading them yesterday right. I love it.
It is so fascinating. I still cry when I read certain South African case law because our law is beautiful and it genuinely brings me to tears. It's incredible. It's like poetry but so there was this this passion and this interest and this I suppose Talent OR competency but it wasn't transferring over to fulfillment. They were so many at the end of the day when I put my head on my pillow at night I was not fulfilled.
I could not go to bed saying I am happy with my life and therefore Or the change needed to be made can relate with that a little bit too. I mean, I didn't do it for a year, but I did my masters in costume design here in Italy. And then I worked on a film for four months, or so. And I loved it. There aspects of it that I really enjoyed and I find costume fascinating. I still watch movies and I'm like, look at that. Like one detail on the shirt that probably means this.
You know, it's so interesting but I realized that If I were to go that path, that would be my entire life, like entire life. I would have to drop everything when I would get the call, and that would be it. And I was like, okay, I don't love it that much. There are things other things in my life, that are more important than the idea in my head that I created. What of what could be, if I went
the costume design route. So but it's a really challenging thing to admit to yourself especially like you who had, you know, in so many ways. Ways the road paved out like no worries, no nothing to question or do. But yeah, when you have that job offer, that promises you x amount of dollars and has that quote safety net. I feel like we can't say safety net for anything. Now that we experienced covid. They're really like acting on a dime, but there still is that perceived safety.
Net of working for somebody else. Because you know, what you do every day, you know, when to show up how long you were, you know what the protocol is, but then, Taking the leap on your own.
You don't know what that is. And I had a similar experience, just in my internship at corporate at the company that I thought I wanted to work for and actually just this month I was reached out to by the manager I worked for in the job position that I thought I wanted was like, Hey we're it's open right now if you want to apply for it and that was a couple weeks ago and I had to sit there for a second.
Like, holy what like, okay, this is everything that I thought I wanted to apply for and this job was not open for years until now and now I have to decline it because I know in my heart like thinking of doing that job is just like draining and it was everything. I thought I wanted But want to taste, right? Bring that was literally the university. Like yoga is the shiny carrot. Yeah, feel like those tests pop up all the time. Have you seen any of those pop up for you?
Yes, but I have always, and maybe this comes back to the three split. I've always consciously. Okay, not always 90% of the time of consciously, chosen the test and the reason, Even for this is because I have always had this kind of caring Dynamic with life. I suppose, where I enjoy a challenge and I enjoy, I just enjoy learning and I Joy experience and I think, yeah, again this is going back to the whole three split.
But even if I didn't know about that, I would tell you that I have always been that person that I can be in the midst of absolute turmoil. And I'm like, this is so much fun. Like look how much I'm experiencing right. I just love the duality of Life. Obviously, it's not. I mean you guys know a lot of my personal story and you know that life has definitely not always been fun but there's been this element of or other this reframe in my own mind of look how much I can feel In This Moment.
Look at the depth of my feeling, what a privilege it is to be able to feel this amount of sadness or this amount of grief. So, a lot of heartache, and then, obviously, the flip side of that is, look how much joy I have the capacity to feel. Look how much excitement the comments and liveness straight. So I think, for me, if I look back on my life, when I took that job as a prosecutor, I knew it was a test.
I literally wrote down. This is a taste because the week before, I had decided fully that I was never going to practice law. And then I get This job. So I wrote. This is a test and then I was like, you know what, I'm going to actively take the test and I'm going to see what I'm what what is possible for me to learn
from the test. So I think that often especially in the manifestation area of the internet, people can get very scared of quote-unquote failing tests and I simply don't believe and that was it. I look at how, you know, I took that job knowing it was a test, the tools that I learned from that experience, I still use every single day in coaching even though that was law. And this is coaching I was litigating from 9 to 5 every single day.
In other words, standing up in court, arguing talking off the cuff, not being able to prepare what I'm saying, right? That is coaching you're talking. You don't know what's going to come out. Of your mouth next because you don't know where the sessions going or where the clients going to take the session, you can't prepare for a session generally speaking. So what I'm saying, is the test and quote-unquote failing, the test, gave me so much that I can
apply now. So, I have always had that kind of, like, cheeky Dynamic with tests, where I'm like, oh, what the hell? Let's go for it. Let's see what I can learn. This is my go really badly. It was like a really well. It's funny because I feel like life is just one big test in a way. It's just like, let's see what happens. Let's, let's go. I have a follow-up question to that because you're so good at trying things and Carly.
Also, relates you both have that, that three profile, that type of personality to try things. And I have the type of personality personality, to commit, and follow through and become an expert. So, when I saw that job offer, As if I were to get that job, I would fully commit input. Like not quit it. I think I would probably go full force into it and try to be the best at it that I possibly can. I do that with everything and trying your best is always good, but, like, cutting it off at
some point. I don't know if I would do that, it was like, getting into that security safety, net and being good at it, because I know, I would be good at it and not cutting it off. So, I'm wondering how you go about that learning to cut. Things off, when you've growing up with following through and like, don't quit, don't be a quitter. Give it your all.
And those things are put on a pedestal where as I almost wish that I had a little bit more of that self-awareness to quit for my own benefit, like pivot rather than quit. Because even when I think back to college and Apparel Design, I followed through with the degree because I committed to it and I had a checklist to complete. I don't think that I I followed through with it because my heart was in it. It was like, I'm good at this. I know how to do it.
I know the checklist I'm going to finish, whereas I'm super interested in wellness, and Kinesiology, and health and I, if I would have had more of that mindset to Pivot. I might have gone somewhere else. My life earlier, like, I'm getting there now on everything happens for a reason. But yeah, how do you approach things when you're going to like quit or pivot? And make that transition without feeling that?
Sticky guilt of like oh my giving up on something or am I actually making a good choice for my life? That was kind of a real but personal thought question. So I think that Carly is going to resonate with what I say here because we've actually had this discussion quite a few times but It's very much, not a decision and it's not a level of self-awareness. My I'm going to use the word
desire but it's not even desire. It's uncontrollable, but my my desire to not do things that do not fulfill me, overrides my desire for safety or security or any of that braid. It's like there is this wall that I run into when I am doing something that does not fulfill me or does not fully like serve me. I run into this wall and that is it? There is not a single thing, you could pay me promise me off. For me, that is going to get me
to do that thing. It is like dragging myself through mud and I we've spoken Brothers, 40 times, we're like me in high school maths. Was that? I hated it. Absolutely hated it. I could sit for hours and hours and hours studying English drama history biology but Mass could not do it like could not make myself study at all just wasn't possible.
Winged. Every single thing I ever wrote University could sit for hours, studying things like constitutional law administrative law, which it follows a very similar thread to the English History Dynamic. But then civil procedure, which is just process and it's boring as all hell wind into my final exam.
My final University exam had studied for probably an hour and got my friends to give me a crash course, before we walked into the exam because there was no way, not even the likes rate of failing, my law degree could get me to study that subject. So it's not it's not a level of self-awareness, you make it sound like As I sit there and I go, you know what, this isn't serving me and I have more worth than this. I'm going to consciously choose to Pivot.
It's not that it's like I I'm stuck in this like cement block, you have no choice but to Pivot. Yeah, no, there is a logical way is how I do things. It's like, okay, we need to sit down and journal and like take myself out of my life for a second reassess and then make a decision. I don't I don't know if it's as in the moment for me. Sometimes I wish mine. I was a little bit more like
that. Everyone wants what they don't have, you know but you know when I really think about it I wish that I was more like your personality in that way. Alexis when I'm looking at myself through other people's eyes that's when I'm comparison when I'm in comparison and questioning and in doubt, that's when I always wished that but in the moment and when I sit with it, we talked about this on whenever I pass. Tapas Odes of how.
Oftentimes, at least for me what I view is, one of my gifts in life, also causes me sometimes the most challenged and self-doubt, because it's not a gift that's like, accepted as normal in society. It's not looked at as safe and I could about guarantee that all of us have aspects in ourselves
that we actually. Like when we let go of all the bullshit that were told, We're actually we love that about ourselves but it's also full of challenge because it's not normal quote, you know, it's not what you know in a way. I feel like some of that is probably more normal than what Society has made us believe. But yeah, I agree. It's like almost like for me it feels like my body stops working. Like if I were to like, keep doing it and I, huh cat, that's kind of what happened to me with
my personal social media so far. I like, as As of late. I just I'm in this huge transition with myself and although I can foresee in the future coaching playing a role in again, all of the stuff I've learned in this past year, if I get into my head I can sometimes be like, what the heck are you doing? Kylie? But I know I've learned so much and it's all going to come back
around. But I just hit this wall and I could not, I could not keep going because it felt inauthentic to my like inner being my soul. And I'm I need to take a moment. This moment has turned into like four months of like, collecting all of the things I'm interested in collecting back parts of myself that I ignored for a while. And I think when we can get so caught up in doing one thing, like your example with law, you weren't able to interact with parts of yourself.
Because your mind, you're kind of like Interviewing was always like focused on that one thing and I don't know, Alexis if you've ever experienced something like that but I that's kind of what burnt me out of what I was doing before because I realized I was ignoring so many parts of myself. Meanwhile, it's so funny because my message was to like, get all the parts of yourself and be you, but the way I was going about that was blocking off parts of my own self expression.
So I do that's guess a little Update as well. So that's how human design has helped me so much. And even though only Emily and I have different profiles, we were talking kind of like the three in the one, but we're both generators. And that has helped me a lot this year because I mean human design already just confirms what you already know to be true. It doesn't predict or tell you anything crazy or unknown or
anything like that. But being a generator, we're meant to be lit up by life and lit up by what we're doing and nobody has Ever said that to me, it's like, you need to figure out what you're good at and go make money and support yourself until you die. That was kind of what I perceive life to be. Because that's kind of how a lot of people act. And I've literally been told that multiple times and I just started asking bigger questions. I'm like, there has to be more to this.
And then in making those decisions, I've gotten better at it, this year because feeling into the generator energy, if you're not lit up, If you feel absolutely drained and like if I cannot get myself to write an Instagram post that just flows out of my fingers, I don't write it and I'm feeling absolutely drained and cannot get myself out of bed. I'm like okay, I need a day to just unplug and so paying a lot
more attention to my body. This year has changed the way I make decisions and then we both our gut instinct, sacral Authority. So learning to trust that what that feeling feels like for me and then to trust, it has changed a lot. In my in my process. Well, I think also going back to what Carly was saying about it not being accepted because the whole kind of narrative is commitment, that is also the more masculine Dynamic. And as we know, the masculine Dynamic does run the world at
the moment. It is the predominant voice and it's this, as you said, Kylie that's commit to one thing and
do for the rest your life. Both of you said that make money and The illness straight and narrow path and then you have the famine and dynamic of only go here and then I changed my mind and all I want to do it again and actually, no, I'm going to go back and I'm going to do another thing and that's kind of where you and I fall into it and it's definitely not as popular in kind of social discourse at all.
What's funny? I love that you brought that up again because one thing I want to say is something that helped me through this time period because I basically Committed my committed to my own thing for the longest I ever have. Like, I went through four years of University and I loved it. I worked my butt off and it was so exciting and so many ways, but it was still like an outward commitment, you know, because you're signed up for this program here in school for four
years. That's what you do. And then I did my master's program, but again, it was out with her something, taking me through this. And so this past year, I committed to exploring this as Aspect of myself and doing it. And that was the longest I've ever committed to something on my own kind of and so when I started to realize I was just that this kind of burnout, stage of like, this doesn't feel good anymore.
It was really hard because I was like, oh here I go again, not committing to something or like breaking a commitment but I realized I have been committed to something consistently through my entire life and that is me like me my Evolution my own self expression. And that is kind of been a has, kind of been a mantra, I've been telling myself because when I get into this doubt of or being like, Oh my God.
So I felt like filtered through five ideas in the last two days, but I'm like, no, I'm I am I'm committed to something. And it's the most important thing that any of us can be committed to is our own personal evolution in our expression on this planet because that's what we're here for. And that just looks so different to So many people and I'm so thankful that I am on his path and I can speak for you to.
I think we're all on this path of of discovering who we are and going deeper because it's not for everyone, like not. Everyone is here in this life to do this work. Sometimes I can look at people like that which may be making an assumption, but sometimes I can look at them be like, oh, that must be an easier because he's so nice. Because it's not always easy but I am so grateful that like I'm, I am going through this and those around me are on this path
to because it's so rich. It's rich in everything. In the good, the bad, the happy emotions, sad emotions. And yeah, we're here to feel and we're here to feel big I think and what you just said, absolutely links back to kind of what we started speaking about. We're in my opinion, the primary thing that dictates how your life looks externally, is your
relationship to yourself, right? And so, I can't remember who originally put this idea into my head and I'm really sorry to the original Creator, but I once was introduced to the concept of you, you're being being similar to the Statue of Liberty, how she used to be? Copper and she's now blue because she's oxidized, right? Is that the word oxidized? I don't know but if you had to kind of like clean her and strip away those layers of oxidization, she would still be
copper, right? And so it's a similar concept to you are born as this whole complete worthy, human being where you were absolutely perfect or something wrong with you, you're not wounded and through life, we pick up these Experiences that kind of like add these layers, that somewhat detract, from who we are, or cause us to disassociate from who we are and doing this, work is all about stripping back those layers to get back to who we always were.
It's not about becoming somebody else or Reinventing yourself. It's just about getting back to who you actually are before the world told you that you were wrong. Or, you know, Our single shameful or ugly or Unworthy of
being who you are. So in that way, by committing your entire life, to your own self expression, that is the most beautiful way to honor that core of who you are, even though I don't know about you Kylie, but my experience has definitely been that the world has tried to tell me that by not committing
quote unquote, too. One thing I am wrong but again that as you just said that commitment to to who we actually are is of absolute primary importance and I think that's why it's also so important that we're all doing this work and helping others through it as well.
Because like you said at the beginning, Emily, the relationship to self is the most important and if we don't build that and self knowledge, and the ability to look though, Expectations in the face and hear them said to us and yeah, like I still can get kind of a twinge of like oh that hurt a little bit but to be able to take a breath and be like, okay, but that does not rule me. Like I have my own relationship to myself and I understand what I'm doing and it's okay.
And to be expected that no one that some people don't get it, we're not here to understand everybody perfectly. We're just here to, you know, hopefully hold space for everyone else's self-expression and their own unique voice in the world. Yeah, 100%. And maybe even impact people that you know have not thought of living life this way. Even if it's right it was kind of like yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, just just energetically the way that we can impact people without even saying a
word is so powerful. Then if we start actually teaching or voicing some of these Concepts, Outreach becomes a whole lot greater. That was a beautiful close to this. I don't know how it's been an hour. Now, we're with go by so quickly, but we have one final question for you. But before we ask that, I'd love if you would promote yourself where we can find you, what you're currently offering or what's going on in your world and yeah, how we can, how we can
find you amazing. So my primary social media is definitely my Instagram account. I am very committed to only doing one form of social media, because social media, just completely takes up way too much space in my head polygon resonate again. But my handle on there is at Emily Viner Cooper V Ina to Scottish family name. Anyway, I needed some how to distinguish myself from the fact that I have two very common names as my first and last, It's okay. We all my middle name.
Yeah, well link it on amazing, amazing. So yeah, currently my primary thing is one-on-one coaching. That's what I've been doing for the last year with my amazing private clients this year. I am launching kind of group dynamics, not so much, a group program, but definitely more kind of group dynamics. But yeah, those are still in the pipeline. So, you're gonna have to wait
and see but so exciting. So Thank you so much for sharing your time with us. Our final question that we are asking everyone is what is one lesson in your life that you have had to let flow maybe learn more than once and yeah that you just had have had to learn to flow through but of a deep one. But we're going to go there. The number one lesson that I've had to learn to flow through is That you have to allow other
people their process. And some people may resonate with the some people might not that's okay. But I was always someone that jumped in to try and fix people or save people and again going back to that purpose of helping, right. There's a difference between hope being in and having this like need to save and fix and The biggest lesson is finished here of the last two years has been. You actually can't save and can't fix and more than that. You need to allow people there
process. You need to allow people to just like, I've done gone through. So many things. Had so many experiences have my heart broken a million times. Learned my lessons made my mistakes. You need to allow people to have that process as well. And you trying to control this situation is ultimately You're disrespecting their life path. And so, really just need to flow alongside our fellow human being a friends or family members.
And, you know, be the embodiment of what you would ultimately want them to be if they were showing up for themselves in a beautiful healthy serving way. If you can embody that for yourself and you can be the best version of yourself for yourself. Faith, and love yourself. Take care of yourself. You just hope that that rubs off on everybody else. That was beautiful. Well, that was one of those answers where I zone out, and I just absorbed that was amazing. Thank you again.
We will definitely chat. No group text messages as we do every day, but for anybody listening, thank you so much for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode and loved Emily, go find her on a gram. We are linking everything below. She also has a podcast. I will link that to. And if you feel called to leave us a rating and review, it really does help us or retest Instagram. We would love to talk to you and yeah, I hope everybody has a great rest of their day.
We night morning whenever you're listening to me. Okay, thanks, I love Carly's little ending. Okay, bye-bye.