35 Life Lessons in 35 Years

Welcome to Life on Purpose, my name is James Laughlin. Former seven-time world champion musician and now a success coach to leaders and high performers. Each week, I bring you an aspiring leader or expert to help you live your life on purpose. Thanks for taking the time to connect today and investing in yourself. Enjoy the show!

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A massive welcome to the show. I hope you guys are somewhat comfortable, you're out for a lovely stroll, you're driving somewhere, maybe you've got your favourite hot drink in hand. But today's session, I wanted to share something pretty special to my heart. And these are the lessons that I've learned over the last 35 years. So, a few days ago, I turned 35. Yep, old man. But I still feel like a kid. And I've just I've taken a moment to really reflect upon what did I learn in the last 35 years? And who has helped me to learn those things? And these are, I guess, my insights, my principles, the guiding thoughts that help me to navigate life. And let me tell you, I've had some real awful crap shitty times, like all of us do. But for me, it's like, okay, can we turn those losses into lessons? And essentially, that's what I tried to do, is go- you know what, yes, I went through a separation with Finn's mother navigated a miscarriage many years ago, that most blokes don't talk about, and don't talk about how difficult it is not only for the partner, but also for the other person. Navigate earthquakes and all these crazy things that come with life, and loss and death. And then there's the highs, you know, of winning World Championship victories of starting new amazing projects of travelling to the most gorgeous places on earth. And I just wanted to note down 35 lessons, and these are lessons that just helped guide me and I thought, hey, they equally might support you on your journey. So, let's get into it.

#1 FOLLOW YOUR VISION

Number one, follow your vision, not the crowd. And I'll just repeat that follow your vision, not the crowd. Too many people are following a path that has been set for them by someone else. How many parents out there live vicariously through their child, they want their child to be that Olympic athlete that they never could be, they want their child to start the billion-dollar business that they could never start. They wanted their child to be the virtuoso, that they could never be. And that is so unhealthy. So, if you're trying to live someone else's dream that your mom, your dad, your siblings, your partner, your community, your school, your government. If somebody one of those people wanted you to live a certain life, why live that? Live your own life, walk your own walk. You've got to develop your own vision. And that takes time. Sit down and focus on what that vision looks like. And that's a process for me. I have think-time. So, I sit down with pen and paper regularly, and ask myself some really thought-provoking questions like what's life about? What am I here to do? What must I do? What if I was to be told I've got 12 months to live? What would I do in these next 12 months?

#2 ALWAYS ENDEAVOUR TO BE KIND

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Now the second lesson, is always endeavour to be kind. It’s a pretty simple one. But man, oh man, how many of us catch ourselves saying things that are unkind or thinking things, or criticising or complaining? That's one that that I feel that all of us should commit to, for life. Endeavour to be kind.

#3 MAKE YOUR MIND YOUR FRIEND

The third, make your mind your friend. Now listen, our mind has a little world of its own going on in there. It's important to befriend your mind, to talk to it, to direct it, to inspire it. But all too often, we let our mind control us. And it's a muscle, we must build that muscle, or it atrophies. So, making your mind your friend means that you have to talk to yourself, you have to journal, you have to escape your head and get it onto a page. And that's why the process of writing is really important or verbalising. You know, maybe just hitting record on your phone and recording some thoughts. Really good way to make your mind your friend.

#4 CLARITY BREEDS MASTERY

Number four, clarity breeds mastery. Now we cannot become masters of anything if we're not clear about what we're trying to become. So, take the time to get clear on your career, clear on your relationships, clear on your beliefs, clear on your thoughts. Clarity takes time, but it most definitely breeds mastery. If you think of people that inspire you, that are doing great things in your community or worldwide. They're very clear about what they do, about who they are and about where they are headed.

#5 KEEP GOOD COMPANY

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Number five, keep good company. This is one that I remember my parents helping me with. Keeping good company is a vital part of living a life of joy, fulfilment, and success. If you're hanging out with people who are doing things that you know, are not good for you then of course that's going to impact your trajectory. So, if they're drinking or taking drugs or committing crimes or, you know, use language that's maybe not fitting to who you are. Then ask yourself, why am I wasting time hanging out with this company? The one thing you get to create is the friend group around you. And proximity is power. So, think about who are the top five that you hang out with, it could be your siblings, it could be a spouse, could be your children, could be colleagues, could be somebody that you are into hobbies with. Who are they? Write them down and ask yourself. Are they great company? Are they lifting me up? Are they inspiring me? And if they're not, rather than ditching them, because I'm not a big fan of that. Just spend a little bit less time with them and put someone else in there and spend a little more time with them. It will make such a difference to your life.

#6 NEVER SUFFER FOOLS GLADLY

Number six, never suffer fools gladly. People with foolish opinions on religion, race, gender, war, those types of people. Yeah, now I don't give them the time I just move forward. You know? If they've got strong opinions and their foolish opinions on gender, religion, war, know, it's not for me. It's not where I want to be at. It's not worth the fight the struggle of too many other grip things that can be done in the world. We don't need to engage in that. So, I'm a big believer never suffer fools gladly.

#7 MARCH TO THE BEAT OF YOUR OWN DRUM

Seven, this one's really appropriate to me. March to the beat of your own drum. Why is that appropriate? Well, I'm a drummer, right? Be drumming since the age of nine. And it's, it's something I believe in, you got to have your own beat your own rhythm to life, your own rhythm to your relationship, your own rhythm, to your career progression, but march to the beat of your own drum, not someone else's. Not some influencer on Instagram, who's got all of this and that, drives this car, who cares? That's their drum, let them beat that. Beat your drum.

#8 HOW YOU DO ANYTHING IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING

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Number eight, how you do anything is how you do everything. And what I mean by that, if you get out of bed in the morning, and leave your bed a mess, and get on with your day. Well, you're going to carry that trip into your paperwork, you're going to carry that trait into how you speak to people, you're going to carry that trait into how you drive your car or cycle your bike, you're going to be a bit messy, you're going to be a little bit haphazard. So, I'm a big believer in looking at the simple things, and then doing them really well. So, make your bed each morning. It's a good start. It tells your mind, hey, we have order in our life. With your teeth, take your time and brush each tooth really well.

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With, you know making breakfast, take your time and prepare it beautifully. Clean your dishes afterwards. But how you do anything is how you do everything.

#9 YOUR LIFE IS TOO IMPORTANT TO GIVE IT TO DISTRACTIONS

Number nine, your life is too important to give it to distractions, right? Think of how many minutes or even hours you spend scrolling social media. Stop it. That's crazy, right? Throw that in the bin and move on to something more enriching. Study a course read a book, call a dear friend, create something. Stop giving your precious life away to distractions. Really battle that.

#10 FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIVE IN

Number 10. Speaking of battles, fight for what you believe in, stand up. You know, if you if you believe in something, let people know that you believe in it. People challenge it? Defend it. But you've got to know what you believe in. So, it could start with, Hey, what's my belief about people? What's my belief about relationships? What's my belief about money? And answer those questions. Those are your global beliefs, nobody else's.

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#11 STAND UP AND BE COUNTED

Number 11, stand up and be counted. Because if you don't stand up, if you stand for nothing, you will give in to anything. So, figure out what you're going to take a stand for whether it's equality, and that could be gender equality, racial equality.

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No matter what it is, know what it is, and stand up for it. It could be that you stand up for your loved ones, it could be that you stand up for the work that you do, it could be that you stand up for your neighbours. But stand up take a stand.

#12 NEVER OUTSTAY YOUR WELCOME

Number 12, never overstay your welcome. This is one that I learned from a young age, right? Parents and Grandparents told me this one. Never outstay your welcome. If you feel you're no longer welcome, turn on your heel and get out of there. Right, your gut tells you everything so big believer in when you think

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you've overstayed just move forward, keep moving forward.

#13 WHAT COMES FROM THE HEART REACHES THE HEART

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Now, Number 13. What comes from the heart reaches the heart.

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And that's just by being authentic. That's about speaking from a place of love. And that often lands with people so much better. When you are genuine, people understand that. They hear they feel it. To what comes from the heart reaches the heart, I firmly believe that.

#14 IF YOU WEREN’T AFRAID OF IT, IT WOULD BE DONE ALREADY

14, if you weren't afraid of it, it would be done already. When you come up with excuses, I’m too busy and too tired and too old and too young, you're afraid. You're afraid of failure, you're afraid of embarrassment, you're afraid of it being too small. Get out there and get it done. If it's not done already, it's a sign that you're holding yourself back. There's fear there.

#15 YOUR MICRO HABITS CREATE YOUR MACRO LIFE

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Number 15, your micro habits create your macro life. So, the tiny things you do each day, those things add up to the food that you choose to eat, the liquid you choose to consume, that the books you decide to read, the news or media you engage with. Those micro habits dictate your larger macro life. So, if you're watching the news, if you're drinking sugary drinks, if you're eating unhealthy processed foods, if you're not exercising, often, those micro decisions will eventually create this macro-outcome which will be ill health which will be potential anxiety or depression. Your micro habits are so vitally important.

#16 FOR SOME TO LOVE YOU, SOME MUST LOATHE YOU

Number 16,

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for some to love you, some must loathe you. Now, all of these things I've learned from people in my life, this one I learned from JK Rowling. And this is something she said, for some to love you, some must loathe you. And that sounds horrible to feel that you will be loathed. But often, when you're out in the world, putting yourself out there doing the work, having success in any which way, there will be people who don't embrace your success, who don't celebrate you. But that's important for you to know that for people to truly love you, and there's lots of people that love you, some must loathe you. And you just have to deal with that. And for me, that was a struggle. I can remember when, you know, I knew that there were people that were maybe badmouthing me or talking poorly or wishing me ill, you know, success, you know, wishing that I would lose rather than win. I find that really difficult. But when I read that, and embrace that, I thought, wow, that makes total sense.

#17 THE OPPOSITE OF NEGATIVITY ISN’T POSITIVITY

Number 17, the opposite of negativity isn't positivity, it's action. Moving forward is the key, right? Being positive all the time, I'm going to be happy, I'm going to be rich, I'm going to be in love. That doesn't get you anywhere. It sets an intention. But you've got to take steps towards those things. So don't just think, you know, a negative mindset can be cured by just turning it into a positive mindset. It takes action.

#18 BENEATH EVERY EXCUSE, LAYS A FEAR

Number 18, beneath every excuse, lays a fear, right? So anytime you come up with excuse, there is a fear there. And you've got to dive into that fear. What is fear stands for? False evidence that appears to be real. It's false evidence. It's created in your subconscious. You want to push through that. And you want to dance with it and figure out what's going on and why you're thinking that way and how you can move forward because you can, it's all decision.

#19 IF YOU DON’T MAKE TIME FOR HEALTH, YOU’LL NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR ILLNESS

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Number 19. If you don't make time for health, you'll need to make time for illness. Truth. Facts. That's it right there. If you don't make time to look after yourself, you better make time to be in hospital, to be on medication, to be immobile. That's it, guys. That's a simple one. But it's one of the most important ones. You need to make time for good food, good nutrition, good meditation, good exercise, good stretching, good intimacy, all those things. Connect together to help you with your long term health, your longevity right.

#20 BE THE JOY

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Number 20, be the joy, you be the joy. You create the joy, you bring the joy, you are the damn joy, right? You have to be the joy because your community relies on you, your family relies on you, the world relies on you. We need more joy, so be it. Be the joy.

#21 BE RELENTLESS

Number 21, be relentless in the pursuit of excellence. Don't try and be a perfectionist. Perfect is not achievable, but excellence is a great milestone and goalposts

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to head towards. To be relentless, get up every day with fire in your belly. And to have fire in your belly, you've got to know where you're headed. You've got to have something to get up for. And that's why having a vision, which was the very first lesson I shared, having a vision is so, so important.

#22 GROWTH IS UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT INACTION IS PAINFUL

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Right, let's take a look at number 22. Growth is uncomfortable, but inaction is painful. So, when you're trying new things, often that can be a challenge, and it can be scary as hell. But when you sit in, I don't want to do that. And what if this happens, if you sit in that muddy water of despair and confusion. Well, you don't move forward, and in the end, what happens? You end up regretting things you regret, things you didn't do. Often, we don't regret things we do, we regret the things we didn't do or didn't try. So just know that growth is uncomfortable. But inaction is painful.

#23 SMALL CONSISTENT STEPS WILL RESULT IN MAGNIFICENT OUTCOMES

Number 23, small consistent steps will result in magnificent outcomes. Take one step today, take one more the next day. Don't try and run the marathon and an hour, run it in five years, one step at a time. But small consistent action is the key. I've been writing a book for a long time now. But I'm small, consistent steps each week, I put a little bit of time aside and focus on it, a little bit of time and focus on it. Could I have just taken two months off and done it? Yes. Did I want to do that? No. But did I want to complete the book? Yes. So, I've been working with you know, formerly world leaders, politicians, athletes, World Champions, billionaires, and talking to them about fatherhood and leadership. I’m doing this really amazing book around fatherhood, and how fathers need to step up including myself, to help the next generation, to help reduce the mental health crisis, to help reduce that over a million people a year who take their life. So, this book is a real passion project. But I knew that taking those small consistent steps would result in a great outcome. So important.

#24 LEAD WITH LOVE

Number 24, lead with love. Always lead with love. Super simple. Doesn't matter whether you're leading a multibillion-dollar corporation, or you're leading your family, or you're leading your workplace, you community lead with love. So much more fun, so much more beautiful.

#25 ADVERISTY IS LIFE’S GREATEST TEACER

Number 25, adversity is life's greatest teacher, accept it, embrace it, and keep moving. Right? We've all had shitty moments. We've all had awful tragedies. That's the human condition. But it's about accepting it, embracing it, moving forward. You know, I think back to some of mine, one of the toughest ones was having a miscarriage and the devastation that brought and the grief that that brought, that was horrific. And I sat with that for a few weeks, maybe longer. And then started to understand and accept and move forward towards hope again, hoping that something better will come, and it did. I've got Finn. How damn lucky, am I? And I know it. I cherish being a father, I cherish being in Finn's life, I owe everything to that little rascal. So, it's about embracing things moving forward, adversity will teach you so much more than university will teach you, I promise you that.

#26 BE THERE FOR YOUR FAMILY WHEN THEY MOST NEED YOU

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Number 26, be there for your family when they most need you. But don't be overbearing. Sometimes we can really agitate our family members. Sometimes they really agitated us, that sometimes because we're around them too often and we're too similar. So be there when they really need you. Give them the space to breathe.

#27 DREAM BIG

Number 27, dream big but ensure that you take action on your ideas. We don't need more dreamers; we need more doers in this world. We need people to be able to dream but then to take action. So, if you've got an idea, a book, a product, a career, change, a decision, a relationship, whatever it is that you want to move forward with and transform, make the decision, act on that dream, take action, move forward.

#28 LEAD WITH KINDNESS AND A SMILE

Number 28, lead with kindness and a smile. Always Let your heart guide your soul that one speaks for itself.

#29 LISTEN BETWEEN THE LINE

Number 29, listen between the lines. When you're with people you love or with people you work with, listen to what they're saying, listen to what they're their meaning in between the words, the body language, the intonation, the silence, the energy they give off, the emotions, listen deeper. It'll lead to such a richer experience of life. It really will. But listen with depth, listen with intent. so important.

#30 THE MOST INTERESTED PERON IN THE ROOM IS THE MOST INTRESING PERSON IN THE ROOM

Number 30, the most interested person in the room is the most interesting person in the room. Ask more questions you know? Don't be that person that goes, Hey, what's your name? What do you do? Where do you live? How much do you earn? Who cares about all that stuff? Ask questions like, Hey, what are you most grateful for in life right now? What a great question to ask at a party. Or Hey, what are you most excited for right now? That's going to elicit such a better, more meaningful conversation than, what do you do for work? Where are you from? What school did you go to? Right? Get to the depth and get there quickly. So important, be interested in other people, and I promise you, they will be interested in you.

#31 GIVE, GIVE, AND THEN GIVE SOME MORE

31, give, give, and then give some more. COVID taught me a lot about business. And that was just give. And so over the last year, I've given away 1000s and 1000s of dollars’ worth of product and service. And I've loved it. It's been incredible. And yes, it's cost me time. It's cost me money. But it's brought me back so much joy and fulfilment. So, keep giving. And if you have the ability to give, and you can? Do it. If you're holding back, ask yourself, why am I holding back, I could help someone here, I could devote some time or I could share a resource, I could give them one of my products, a book, a service. You know, whatever it is you do. Look at where you could give a little more.

#32 THE MORNING HOUR PRESENTS PROFOUND INSIGHTS AND OPPORTUNITIES FOR CREATIVE GENIUS

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Number 32, he morning hour presents profound insights and opportunities for creative genius. Personally, I love getting up between five and 6am. 6am would be a sleep in. But that time in the morning, the brain is in foetus state. It's thinking differently, there's more creativity, there's less distractions, the focus is deeper and calmer. I would urge you get your butts out of bed early or earlier. And do some great work, do some deep work. Don't get on your phone, don't read the newspaper, don't put Netflix on. Think about reading a great book, think about journaling. Think about developing that idea that you've been talking about.

#33 WANTING HAPPINESS FOR OTHERS CANNOT BEGIN UNTIL YOU FIND IT FOR YOURSELF

Number 33, or as my friends in Southern Ireland would say 33. With- sorry. Wanting happiness for others cannot begin until you find it for yourself.

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It took me years to like, contemplate what that meant and how that actually works. But you've got to find happiness in yourself and embrace it. And happiness comes and goes. I'm a big believer that happiness is a state. Sometimes it's here, sometimes it's not. But it's about creating the state. It's about creating the conditions around you, and your internal environment to match to that you experience happiness. But all too often we want our loved ones to be happy. I just want my kids to be happy. How many parents have said that over the years, put it into the billions. Every parent wants their kid to be happy. Well, they won't be unless you find happiness for yourself. And you show them how to create that state because happiness is a state. It's not a car, it's not a relationship, it's not a house, it's not a university degree. It's none of those things. Right? Many of us have those, right? Some of us don't, that's okay. None of them equal happiness. It's about the external conditions, matching your internal blueprint. And being able to show your kids family and loved ones how to do that. That's powerful. That's huge.

#34 GREATNESS IS ONE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF PIN

Number 34, greatness is on the other side of pin. So go get it, right? Yes, you have to push through pain, sometimes you have to put in big hours. Here's something funny to think of think back to when I was a kid. I was maybe 11 or 12 years old. And I was preparing for the world solo drumming championships. And I remember practising four to six hours during the week each day. And then probably 10 to 16 hours on Saturday and Sunday. And I remember blisters, calluses, bleeding hands,