"SEEK CULTURE 2" Pt. 1 (w/ Catherine Cohen & Pat Regan)

I wearing headphones at this point? I will trying to myself a little bit, but you but when you okay, all right, well listen, how do we feel? How do we feel right now? I feel like it's like sound about sound levels? Well, I just couldn't hear even It's way too loud and it's too level. It's just follow the courts. Okay, So three? Three, all right? This is good. Three Jesus. I never wanted. I never wanted to deal with. If I get any louder, I will defend and I

can't because I need to hear myself. I'm my singing. And then and then Matt is four. So are you are you good? Matt? I am down. I'm unwilling to touch any of the buttons because I don't want this to continue. Okay, alright, I have the worst hearing of my family. I want us to my choice in Okay, I want us to do a quick check in just to see how where we're at, because I think we all all are in very vulnerable stage. We have to be honest about the that bones not wearing headphones basically

can't find. We have to be honest. I don't even notice. And that's how head in my own ass I am. I feel like it's very bonyan to like throw himself on the coals and just not wear headphones. For the last time, he didn't want the powd a chair. This time. I do have the arm risks, but I have the try try stand, try to trip. That's a tripod. Um. Okay, Pat, you just got off the bus. I just got off

the bus. The first thing you said to me was not hello, was I'm not in a good mood, And I said, don't I this is what I'll say about buses. There one of my least favorite vehicle, actually one of my least favorite vehicle that is non demand or that in use today and wide used today. Um. But I think also now I just I'm feeling really overwhelmed with

my schedule right now. I just have to go. I just want to Syracuse, which is which was fun, and I celebrate all those that I came into Conna on that trip with on that trip, and I'll go home for a second. And then I have to need two days for ten and a half hours a day, Monday Tuesday. It's going to be brewed. What about tomorrow? What about tomorrow? I have familiar obligations for Easter? My christ has your

crisis to ack that? I just want to ask you, um, does it cost you anything to just say hello and then get into how you're in a bad mood? Does that cost you anything? It costs me everything. This is it that. That's not how our family does it. We see it's we're in it already. It's in media and Paley Media Center Center. Cat you are. You're doing great. I feel a little reckless. I have a reformation dress sort of slipping off my shoulders. I'm feeling a little romantic.

Don't you know what I like? I like it drinking shoulders. I'll let him drink tonight. I'm excited for the show. It's gonna be great. I know I actually almost were crying when I walked in here because to see you too for her first time in calendar yours, it was overwhelming. That's beautiful. And Matt, how are you well? I don't live here anymore. I live sometime. Running your jersey that says l A on it. It was ninety because I have currently don't have a million dollars on bank account,

and I spend money like that's true. What am I doing? I don't know. I'm from a flight from Los Angeles. I came in for the show. Sometimes something I'll do was I'll just go somewhere for a weekend. Um. When you have a mind to five Monday through Friday, you can do things like that. You really have to make sure your weekends are counting and for all of us, when I say you've changed, has gotten a job, I don't know. My skin looks really good. Um. I've been

hooking up with a lot of boys in l A um. I. One thing I have to say is that no one knows how to kiss. No one knows how to kiss. Everyone uses their teeth first. It's very teeth forward. You have to be careful with you. But can I say something I feel gets each person's permission before I even speaking permission um. Sometimes one told me it might have been Catherine, or it might have been a Katherine type

of person. There is no such thing. And my month on something and it might have been Catherine Katherine type person, but there is no such thing. Thank you that God broke the mold when he invented. God must have sen um. Someone said that there's no such thing as a bad kisser a good kiss there it's all, it's just chemistry. Someone tried to tell me that, and I said, I don't think so. Maybe I tried to tell you that

everyone's stopped the coffee. Pat demanded, m a coffee. I'm unable to do this without caffeine, Okay, I said, would you mind making coffee? You're you're painting me as a Ramona. I don't know. It's it was pretty bethany of you to come in here and we say hey, Pat, and you go, I'm in a bad mood. In fact, that's

literally a line that said earlier in the season. If I knew that expressing my feelings to my friends was going to turn them against me in this way, in this public way, I never would I would have just put out of you know what, I would have put on a face. I would have walked in and I would have said, I won't be real today. You know what kind another Catherine type person? God stop already with everyone ganging on, I would say, definitively. And I'm the

expert on this. There are bad kissers, and do not do I do not need your to taste your whole time. No, I don't need your whole tongue in my mouth, down my throat. In fact, I don't even need it as like a little snack midway through that up. I don't need to be surprised by like your tongue all the way down. I don't need to know you can do that. I know you can do that. Don't do it. I like tongue the worst, but the worst it goes over

about the coffee. Now I feel bad. You please let me finish my I'm beat right, I'm beat right already. You go. You're actually pale batch and it really reads when I look at you that you've been in Syracuse. People have been telling people have been telling me that I'm not in color. I've been telling you about telling you. Someone said that to me, sucking idiots, sonia types. Somebody said that towards me, towards me, and I want you to it's not going to be. It's not gonna land this.

You can try things everything I didn't mean, and I just mean that it's not well. Now it's like we're so say what you mean? It's bad? It's bad kissing? When when if the sides of my mouth are wet and dripping in your spite, that's bad and you've left a mess, And how dare you? I won't go around and saying one word that's good kissing, one word that's bad kissing. Okay, I want to go honestly for me. Deep,

it's good deep deep, like like you can like. I like to smell the person like I like, I like like, I like like romance. I like to feel like it's a moment. I like to feel like I could, like potentially look across the bridge and someone might be taking a picture of me. Our song and the scrammons okay and the bad bad one bad quick, bad, bad teeth, tongue destruction, chaos, murder, Let's go and try and Okay, for me, good is hands? Bad? Is squaw? Do I do you have? I have do you want me to

go before you? I would like you to go before me. Okay, um? Good? Actually slow in the hair, famous kissing analogy story towards in the air. I have a huge problem with slow and steady wins. The race to bone youngs, hole and bad is that is wet. That is wet around the around the skin. People keep the wetness in my mouth, keeping in my mouth. Honey, that's so crazy. I never show it your first because I was gonna say wet for bad, but I said wet. That's what I'm saying. Yeah,

you never should have let me go first. Okay, do your home. Okay, I know it's I know it's so fun to apply. Drive me straight to hell, upset with us. My hands are in the air, my weapons are down. I came in your weapons down. Look at me. I would never get mad you for bringing about mood. I'm in a great move. I love cat, I love you your mind and and pat look at me. No one was mad at you for being in a bad mood.

I was. I was posing a question and you just see to see if it was conversationally okay for you to say hello first. One someone says hello, bad and pat look at me. You don't check in with me enough now that I'm in another state, and that's not show long text conversation with it length. I had a long text conversation with and Catherine and texting with me never Matt once twice. And I had a nice text conversation recently. Yes we did, because I was thinking about

you and feeling googles good. It's soft for me and good for me awesome. It's humpy and bad. I think I can have hard. I kind of like a little bit of hard, like when you're actually so soft that it feels like like when it's a soft lip, when I have nice soft lips. And okay, I'm gonna say this for me, bad is pointy, like the job. I don't mind a tongue, but I want a soft tie. I don't want to I want to point to tongue jabbing at me. Of course. I think it's just like

you know, like chemistry can't be explained. Sometimes with a certain type of person, you can grab me and say I'm doing this to you. Other times it's more of a communication, more of a dance too. Um, Because I want to apologize for how I came into the studio. That's okay, No, you know me anything. We did not set you up for an apology. I just want to make that very clear. You did not have but thank you. But it cost me nothing to do that cost nothing. Okay.

This is CEE Culture, This is our advice, our little crossover event. Thank you, thank you, Thank you all for submitting your questions. Thank you for submitting your questions. For our last episode, there is a quick matter order of business that we follow up with e C There's a

dangling thread from the last episode. And if you don't remember what happened on the last episode of C Culture, well, Pat Regan absolutely dragged to hell a young young fan listener from Dallas, Texas, and then Bow and Yang and I knocked him out. Our k owed him in Mortal Kombat terms. By canceling our show in Dallas. Is absolutely very cancel Culture. We canceled. Canceled Culture has has made its way to Dallas, Texas. Wait, why did you cancel?

It's just not working out, It wasn't working with our schedules. But ec came to us with a question about trying to expose his boyfriend to more culture because they were not a cultural match. And so, and then Pat accused him of performing cultural elitism, an eighteen year old game nineteen nine teams off at least off at least but so basically this is ec I um um scream, oh my god. Wait by By followed me that he sent

another message. We're just from addressing this again. That and he did, which will which I will be right now, asked him to call back in and respond to Pat. So this is ECS follow up. Hello, C Culture Panel, it's EAC again. First, I appreciate all your advice and wisdom, so thank you. Second, i'd like to address my new front emmy Pat. I will say I did come off as performing cultural elitism, and I want culture elitism, and I want you to know I'm not too much of

a huge snob. Yes, I do feel strongly about my tastes, but I just needed ways to get my boyfriend to see the fun in my hobbies and interests. Honestly, I've been surprised by both of us lately. It just took a sect to realize, but we share more interest than we thought. Just took exposure. He loved the Contemporary Art Museum, and turns out I sort of love frat parties. So in the end, team EC and POT we're both right, and that's dot dot dot beautiful, slash touching, slash life.

I would also like to address that with nineteen in Texas hard being Gay. I actually just organized a campus LGBT plus reprom event, so kind of thriving. We went to Alamo to enjoy the cheese on the broccoli immediately after listening to the app. Here we are listening to Pat drag me in total shock. We hearts culture. That's e C and then that's his Oh my god, they're so cute. Oh my god, they're so cute. And I have to say, like, maybe this is me being like,

oh look, and I said, we love C culture. Maybe this is me being like like, I don't know, like talking down to young people. But I thought that email was very well spoken, and I don't know if I, at nineteen years old, could have like gotten it that much. Yes, yes, he gets its. Yeah, I heard a lot of growth in his story today. Um, yeah, it's great. I know. I wasn't actually mad, I just was being on the podcast.

I wasn't actually I don't want to go on the record of saying I like snobs and I'm sexually attracted to snobs. So I don't know if that doesn't think for anyone, But um, am I a snob? You're a snob. I'm a snob. But you have to like good things to be a snob. When he went to the museum today, how what did you think of Helma? Did you do you do? Oh? My god, wait, phonecase. Helma was amazing.

It was amazing that Clint she Um was a pioneer, although no one knew it, of abstract art, and all of her the themes that she explored in her work aligned with Mandreon, but no one saw her work until the eighties because she died in the forties and she said, I don't want any of this work to be shown until twenty years after I've died, And she received visions from spirits that one day her work would be put

in a circular templeogenheim Um. And so I actually, actually, um, that's funny, because I actually I am doing that with my pilots. I've actually I was going to sixteen pilots, but I wanted to wone to see them til twenty years. That's right, die because I wouldn't have I've been told by spirits and I can't act. Where will your pilots displayed? It would be displayed in hep to Gone shaped temple, and it's going to be everything. It might even be at and there might even be a stage of reading. Oh,

I can't wait. I love that. Um. Should we check in about our diseases? Diseases? I think we probably all have new diseases at this point. Yeah, probably I do. Oh wait, okay, who wants to start? And you got mat? Okay, you want to know my disease? Alright, So my diseases. I have a lot of new friends in l A like a lot of news. What a cancer you're something that was not a brag coming of Matt Roger this episode. No, I'm just okay, can I rephrase? Because you're right, I'm

being absolutely insulferable. All right, so listen. So I've relocated and for the time being, stop but you guys, I'm having a good time with my friends. Okay. So now I'm trying to make new friends for a while. I'm in another sit and so base I have, you know, met a bunch of new people. And here's the thing. When you meet a bunch of gay guys, everyone's always like what is this? What is what is the relationship? Is it going to be sex? Is it going to

be friends? Is it going to be the sniffing butts up and down? And I am just having a problem with my disease. Is I feel that I am potentially maybe even being too sex forward with my disease and sometimes to you with my diseases, I feel I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I don't know what the thing is the thing I will say, and I will say that it's bare more. I've been known to spend upwards of two hours and speed green, but I

was the platonic hang out sweet Green. And the thing is, I feel like any of these things could go either way, And the whole time I feel the tension of like what is it? What is it? What is it? And it's hard for me to sometimes even have a conversation with someone because I'm so pre occupied in my mind of like what is this? What is this? Do you like me? I might like you, I might not. In

fact I don't. Yes I do, And I'm just like so crazy because I think I'm craving something now that I feel like busy professionally, like I feel like pretty good about like the stuff I'm doing. What I'm not preoccupied with is like career stuff. What I'm preoccupied with is like dating and sex stuff. And I feel a little, um, do you want do you want to be doing someone? I think I do? WHOA, that's sort of new for you? Kind of I would like to I would like to

really like someone who really likes me. Damn, that's so is my disease, lend my diseases. I'm finally perpets request alone. And it's been hard, Like I've been having to force myself to sit at home and sit and live with myself. Um. A lot of baths, a lot of journaling, a lot of poetry writing, um, serious poems. But I would never shout you um. And the other thing is like I get a little frustrated sometimes because I'm only I don't know where are you would even meet a straight guy

to kiss? Like? I just don't even know three words lower east side? But is that just like? Is that just like crap? It's sort of like a cross section of every every like bombastic straight male who would like go out? I mean, you would like meet someone I don't know? But I don't mean to like reductively be like just go to the SNA. No, You're right. My my disease, which is a good disease to have, is that I'm finally placed in life where I know that like calling any old lowry side person to come over

isn't gonnake me feel better. I know, and it actually might make me feel worse. It used to be moment momentary, momentary momentary. It used to be momentary relief, and now it's actually offers no relief. And now my only relief is when I wake up and I know that I have not eaten late or done anything stupid, and that's the only relief. After hooking up a bunch of l A, I was where you were now and I am having the opposite reaction where I'm like let's I'm not like

let's be alone, and I'm like, let's do it more. Yeah, And that's trying to be a nuts I think, Yeah, disease bad. Last time you said each other's diseases. I don't know what my disease is. Right you are right now is like it's priorities, it's it's self sabotaged. I think it's priorities bad. It's Um, I'm sabotaging myself a lot right now. I feel overwhelmed and I feel, um,

I don't want to show up for a thing. I think your disease also is that you're actually being a little hard in yourself and not realizing that you're actually doing really well. Yeah, and you have a lot of you. You actually now have a lot of things you've been wanting. That's I'm not just talking about love. I'm talking about life and also, Pat, I think sometimes these things that overwhelm you, I think sometimes it's the way you're thinking about them. I think some of the things could be fun.

Like I think like sitting down to write something that you like could be fun And don't be insane. I have been right now, don't anyone tell me writing so I actually have a great time doing it. I have been sorry everything. I'm not talking about writing. When I say that, what, um, just like schedule stuff? Well, because I had a feeling this is what Because it sounds like you have schedule anxiety, that you're overwhelmed with that stuff. And this is the thing, Pat, like any belief that

you have about you're you're like load. It's like I mean, yes, like there are like actual at about my disease. I'm sure they're like actual like limits to how much you can do in one day. But also like you believing yourself to be overwhelmed is like kind of an invention. Maybe have munchausens, And I think, I'm that's not I know you are. I'm sure you are overwhelmed, but like like I mean, try to like try to imagine. I feel burned out. I feel so not funny right now.

I just yeah, but like I don't know, I think, like what you guys are killing it right now? I just stop. I want to take a big load tonight. I'm almost definitely gonna bustle load tonight. Someone I don't care. Who do you have someone coming to the show in mind? Hordes of them? My god, it isn't fair. Why don't you stick around tonight? There's gonna be lots of straight guys, I don't think so laugh in my face. Oh um, yeah, d C, who told you a little Bertie? That's a

birdie in this room, a Bertie in the world. Huh? I heard you were kissing from a birdie. Yeah, which birdie? Birdie? I had? Yeah, I had a fun little d C. Birdie, what's d C District? Yes, I don't really both had fun Bertie's that trip or not Bertie's. We had fun trips. That trip was sure, but my Bertie apparently hasn't traveled to Pat and Cat's ears. I didn't hear that. I only heard that about UM. I think your disease, going back to pats disease. UM, try to imagine yourself like

maybe not feeling over. I know, no, I know, you're you're right, You're right. I just feel like every time I start doing something, I have to stop doing it and go to my next thing. I don't wait. We have to shout out Tammy Sager because she recommended a book to me called Steering by Starlight and it's very it's very new agic cookie language, but the writer is very self aware about it, has a very fun sense

of humor about it. And it's actually I hear Tammy and on every single page and it's like really being it's it's a very helpful tool right now. But the messages like UM, pretend like you've already wont and it's not delusion. It's actually like a helpful way to like melt away any kind of like invented belief that you have. I also feel I kind of was just saying that because I don't. I don't feel particularly reflected by disease right now, right, Yeah, your disease is that you are

not disease. Disease. What's your disease book? Um, I might actually have that same disease as I don't know, well, the same disease last time? Did we similar disease? St James at the time, the same word. I'm just um, I'm horny all the time. I am different O. No, no, no, well, I'm clinging to an old thing. Yes, in my in my romantic past, and I have not really let to go.

I tell you something. Yeah, when we were at the Rose, not recently, Yes, I accidentally looked over your shoulder and it's how you're texting, And I was like, you don't have gone to an old thing. And that's even a different thing. You saw me texting holding holding like like this kind of like two things that are happening at the same time that I've never let anyone go, and I've never gotten over a single person in my life. Thank you. It's impossible because we love you deeply, too much,

too hardly. Hardly, madly, deeply, hardly, madly, deeply, Oh my god, I think it's time to get into the email. I know I have questions like I need how you need to know? Stop it, stop it. This isn't our role, as Pats eloquently put on his Twitter, we are sister wives too, and our husband is the audience, the collective listener, and it's the wife's job to give advice. And so before we begin, I just want to say that anyone listening that I've been involved with him over you wait,

tell me about just quickly. Are you interested in one person particular and loss. I think it's going to be a different person that I'm interested in every two and a half days. Well, and then someone serious. I don't think I want someone serious. I want to be having consistent fun with one other person, because the whole bouncing around. One day we're one thing, and then the next day you act weird like I don't want to do the games. Truly,

I don't know that rogers consistent fun fun. But it's also a disease in people in l who are just like that. I don't necessarily think it's I don't think it is specific to people an L that happens. I think it's when you go to a new city you can see it all clearly. I think people from L come to end and then they say, oh gosh, what is this. And I think people from C. Of course Columbus would go to somewhere like see of course Chicago

and it would say the same thing. And of course people in D of course culture is just different and there's no value statement on either one. Um I would say that here, okay, here, here, here's my academic there's

my academic way of saying it. I think the patriarchy is affecting the gay community in a crazy way because I think that we all are in this middle area of being Buddha judges where it's like I'm going to be like a perfect little like like have my little relationship and it's gonna be perfect, and we're looking for that, and then like there's no gray area with other relationships, and then otherwise it's like no, I just want to funk all the time, and people are scared, are like

upset because they're working all the time. So it's hard to find the middle ground because there's no precedent for it. And the gay community, do you know what I mean, that makes sense. This isn't saying I know what are you having? Nicotine guns? Just gave me thee. I don't know how this. My boyfriend has to have it, and I gave it and he threw up from it, and so we always pretty it at the time he odeed early on the relationship. Oh my god, that's really funny.

This is great. That's the craziest thing I've ever put in. I know I had to work up to this level. I know it's bad. It's about that. My disease is nicotine addiction. And it's funny. I'm specifically having nicotine cessation products, and so I need nicotine cessation cessation and that's something they call it double And I need to figure animal style. It's in and out um, and I should have known. Um. Tensions are right now? Yeah, wait why I don't know.

I finally just unminded. Not your tense now, I am. I don't know to understand what you said about. It's literally, what's the way the time needs have? I don't know. I'm figuring out every second. That's where it's going. I feel the tension is there's a lot of silliness coming from I give him a neck. No, I feel I

guess my attention. I guess my attention is that like, okay, I'll be real about my I'm in I'm in l and it's like hard because it's like, you know, you're trying to like fit in and then you come back here and end and it's like, oh god, do I still fit into end? Yeah? It's like you know what I mean, Like it's like I'm in a bizarre like transitional moment and I'm just like oh god, Like it's like, also I'm off a plane. You guys, you definitely still fit in in. Well yeah, I know that, but it's

like okay. So another thing is like I don't perform anymore, like I'm tell at all and that is like truly my life blood, and it's like why am I not? And then I was all of a sudden it's like whoa, Yeah, I feel there's a lot going on. And also truly the relationship thing that like it's like not even it's not even that I want a relationship, it's that I want to figure out what my relationships are because in end all, my relationships like are what they are friends?

And so now I'm like out in l and it's like, what is any of this? I guess I'll figure it out, but it's hard because I'm crazy. Well, I think you should This is what I think you should do. This is my medicine for your disease. I think that you should choose three people that you like, that that you're kind of bobbling back and forth on of like are we going to hook up? Are we not? And just like take those three off the table or two take

to take them off the table. Romantically, I just think these two people are going to be my fucking friends and then you'll just have to fucking friends because do you want to know something? And that's the three person. Remember the person that we talked about on the last two in my life? Still well, now we're like friends, allowed to be friends with him? Actually, but actually he's

he has he has the most disease. Yeah, I mean he's in the HESS, he's in hospice, he's in hospital and there's no saving him, which is what hospice is. Why what are you getting out of that? You enjoy hanging out with him? Yeah, But it's also like in the back of my mind, I have to ask myself, like am I doing the healthy thing for me or am I trying to be cool? Because something that I do is I tap myself down and I don't say how I'm really feeling so that everyone else feels good.

And that is something that like Bone and I had a long conversation about this yesterday, Like something I do all the time is something that I'm realizing that I will definitely unpack in therapy, is that I don't say when things are really bothering me, or when I really want something, or when I be so that other people feel good, like I'm like, and then when I do, it's like I feel nuts about it. I think, how do you know that? For sure? Yeah? What is that? What?

It's also like what they would call Alan honey while Allan on the program and that, Yeah, I know what Allan on is type stuff? Is that what you just said? Really? Yeah? Maybe star generally speaking, star Starboard by Stargazing, Starboard by STARZ realize you don't need to impress this person because you already won. Also, right, it's with me anything where it's like I still I just need to win everyone

over in every situation. Yeah, And this is an exercise in the book that she talks about early on, she goes, if you're stressed out about a situation, just for like twenty seconds thirty at best best case scenario thirty, imagine yourself being validated by every single person you want validation from, and you're a wash and like they're on their fucking knees telling you how much they love you, and you're sucking them up there as it's just like like like

people are like truly prostrate wanting to like please you, and they're they're telling you how much they think you're great. And then imagine what like just just embody that and then like I mean I don't know, and like just imagine just quick little thought experiment and then see how you sort of change. This is the story that's in the book. Yeah, I just want people to like me, and so then I just I just like truly like drop out and I'm like, oh, everything's fine, even though

every even though everything's like not necessarily fine. This is this roaring the book. She has this d A agent friend normally D agent d E age. She she's a D agent friend an unfortunate agency. Yes, who would will? I'm the normally kicked down a door and stick up a gun and be like everybody get on the floor, right, and then people run away and people are like, it's

such an aggressive environment. She's this one agent friend who will find a way into this drug done calmly walk in, find a place to sit down in front of whatever person the other and then the people are like, who the fuck is this? But calm like, no one's alarmed. Everyone's just like, wait, okay, there's a person there who's just very like confidently sitting down. M okay, weird, but

I guess this is just normal. And then the agent, after like some moments go by, we'll get up and go come with me, And then they go with him. They're like okay, oh my god, oh I guess you're telling me so I have to, And like his whole thing is like I walk into the situations calm as hell, pretending like I've already pretending like they will do whatever I say and then arrest them and then he arrests them.

Oh my god, that's me. That would be passed. So I need to enter my social situations feeling that powerful, relaxed, validated already, I know, but it's it's it's so crazy too, because I received NonStop validation, and the well is just like endless, bottomless, bottomless. Yeah, that's another thing. It's like, what do you do when like that's already that that

shouldn't be a problem, but it still is. This is what I think about all the time whenever I get worked up over if one person I feel like they don't like me as like or when he gets stressed out about trying to get someone like me. It's just like, there's no one person who can make or break here. There's always another person, and it's like, so it's like who who cares that. That's the best thing I was able to do in the last year was like truly stopped caring so much if people like me or not. Yeah,

I still dealing with that. You're actually very good at that. Sometimes I'm like, be nice and he's like, I don't give a ship. I know my disease though I should know. It's actually I actually think it's amazing and it makes me. Yeah, I'm just like, you're so yourself in every situation that you're never bending for someone. I think that's like the most attractive thing at Yeah. Yeah, came in today. He was not feeling in a good mood, and he didn't

even want to pretend it was a situation. It was I'm not right, but it was like it was like this is gonna last a second, that I'll be fine. Actually, Also, you knew you'd be safe with us, and you'd be safe, or so I thought, because you know what, I actually respect that. Thank you, and you don't ever change your thing.

I think it's especially nice because in this day with me, businesses or even or even taught in this town, a lot of people are trying to do that all the time, and so to be able to hold your own it's a good quality. And I want to be more like that. Yeah, because even once I went whatever person in question i'm trying to win over, Once I went them over, they truly it loses meaning to me and then I need

a new one. Right. It's literally like I found out, like a couple of weeks ago, I was I was texting because I was debating, but I was just like feeling overwhelmed, like I just I feel like I need to go home and right or I need to go home and sleep or something, and I'm supposed to do the show like way uptown, And I was like I just think I have to bail on this show. And

I did bail on the show. And then I found out recently that the people were like mad and they were like, yeah, that's like famous for bailing and they were like pissed off. But I don't care. I'm like, yeah, I did bail on that show because I was like, this isn't gonna be a show. I didn't because I can't do it now. And I truly I was thinking on the bus how like two years ago it would have been driving me crazy that I pistons people off. But it's just like, yeah, that's why I need to

do that night and sorry. Uh. My therapist does that all the time where she's like would you like, would you have done this two years ago? And I would be like no, And that's oh wow, I've progressed. As You're gonna be my therapist, you know, I know I'll take her. Yeah. Do you like her? Um? Yeah I do. It's funny, I do. I bailed her the last six times.

But like your famous fam something yeah. And my thing is like when you say that, you build on that show, like and whenever Bowen builds on shows, and you have a tendency to like at least ask me if you should bail on shows. I always say, like, no, it's inconsiderate. It's very to me. It's like like to me, it's like and with you, it's for you. With For a little while there it was a pattern and I was like, you will develop a rightfully earned reputation as someone who

is unreliable if you keep doing this. So I guess that would be like yeah, for me, it's like if something you don't care about, that's a fair consequence. But it's not like I was like, I was just like, I can't do this tonight, so I'm not right right, right right. That was just what it was that day. It's it's tricky for me, you know what I mean, like because I didn't failing to also trying. I'm trying to say no to more to make room for and that's it. But I'm in the transition where I've been.

I've said no and I haven't yet replaced it, as I'm having kind of this like waiting around saying no is the replacement though, right is replacing bailing? I think, yeah, I think that, Um, it's one thing if it's like I look at it the same as like if you get caught in a bus and saying I can't get there, it's like today it's not gonna work out. Yeah, And I try to be like next time, I'm going to be more discordering about how much I say yes do. I think that is like a big thing that like

I remember deciding to do. It was like there's I think we all go to that thing where it's like in this town, industry community place, we say like I'm gonna do a lot of stuff because it's all available to me to do, and then you overbook your schedule and it's like psycho and then you're like I don't want to do any of it, and you go in and and then you just started to say no oh to more things, and you give yourself the space to do ship that you actually want to do when everything

gets and I asked, I feel like I'm have a good answer for this. What do you think is that the most sophisticated mind way to say I can't because I'm too busy or because I'm making time for other things. Oh my god. First of all, thank you for thinking that I would have a goodia. Yeah, I don't think he's going to have a good answer. Well, oh well, this is I have not developed a sophisticated way around this a good phrase. But what I say is I'm out,

I'll be traveling. That's a lot. Yeah. But also it's like nips it in the bud. It's like it's not out of like melontent. It's just like I'm telling you in this way that would will make sense to you that I don't want to do your show. I think you could literally Catherine can just say I'm sorry, I'm not available for the show. I'm a little over extended that week over there you go then say I'm not availed that date, but thank you. Yeah, no, of course,

and that always is it? And yet something and now I am have nothing going on. But that'll change, It'll change, It'll change, it will change. Don't include that's boring. Um, okay, let's answer. Have we all have we all come down with more diseases after the conversation we feel I feel I have the same amount of this as I started. I was, I was diagnosed with the disease, which is that Well, I have developed a rightful reputation. You know you did, and I said you were developing, which you were,

And tell me I'm wrong. I don't know that that's a trade off. That's the decision that you make. It's like, I don't know that I'm kidding and and this is honestly because actually I am someone who have lies. In more, I'm more in line with Sudi with stuff like this where it's like you do your commitments, you actually course. I actually was with Sudi actually the morning of that show when I was like balance, she was like you should be on that. Well then she's changed and I

am no longer friend. I don't think you fit into end anymore. Now what I think you fit into enemies? We actually end new read some emails. This is from Sexless in Tulsa. Okay, dear cap hap Out, my best friend and I are notorious pruds and are tired of being the perennial fag slash hag couple invited to places. So we decided to take matters into our own hands and possibly mouths, butts, and other orifices. Thus dick Packeden

was born. We've got to sexually interact with five dicks we have never seen before before one one twenty January, and we are currently in April, the month of our Lord fruitless and failing miserably. What advice do you have for two pruds who aren't necessarily sex negative parentheses, but proud of Pat who is in a gorge relation but aren't good at getting the d Lilah is sexless in Tulsa. Um, well, Pat to only seeing one dick right now. I wonder

if they're going out together too much. Yeah, man, Catherine run into that. We've hadn't I had some tricky times. If we both wanted to get some, it's not going to happen. I don't think it's a good comment. You have to invest in one person. I think for me, like I need to call the girls. It's got to be the girls. Has to be the girl and the girls. If you're gay, that means you're gays. Yeah, that is

what that means the translation I think. Or even if I've gone out like alone, like when I famously met the bisexual maybe scored three times and ghosted me like I was alone at a bar, I think that. Um. I think that literally, you just have to be forward. If you're in a gay club space, you have to go and knowing eight percent the people you are trying to suck at least or at least suck you have to go and then you just can't be the person like I'm with someone who will like there's always like

a Shaye lounge type device at a gay club. But you sit on this and see if anyone comes up to me and they were there for five but no, they don't find my experience. They don't. And then like, but if you're the first them will go up to someone like rub their chest, like you will go home with someone and you can't be that piggy unless you can't, you have congratulations. I would say that if you lower your defenses and are around other people with their defense

is lowered. AKA, maybe this means if this is what you want to do, have a couple of drinks, loosen yourself up, and you put yourself in a spot where everyone else is being this way. Or if you want to dance a little bit and you go to a dance place and don't even drink, just dance and that lowers your defense is a little bit. Just being in a place where that is a breeding ground for this kind of thing, it will happen. Well, Matt, you're someone who can be a grass in the spaces as because

can you remember. Oh yes, I was a grass with Pat. I pulled him right out there and gave it. Gave it to him after an hour and a half of chatting about Long Island across country, it was about fifteen minutes. That's so crazy to me. Okay, the I've tried many of the apps, and I think the old, tried and

true is Tinder. I think you should set up You have to kind of it's kind of a lot of admin work, but you need to try and set up a few try and get some good matches, try and set up a few dates, um, because some people might cancel. People are flaky on it. But at least when you come into a date that you know you well earned. When you come into date you know, sexes on the table, it's like it's just a little either and then have you know, two to three drinks and touch their arm

and you'll probably be sucking yea. Honestly, if anyone touches me even a little bit on a date, I'm like, it makes a huge difference. Like if I'm on a date with you and there's no touching, forget it. But if you touch me even a little bit, I will come the way So know that there are mies out there, just give them a little bit of that. Um, Can I say something that happened when Pat and I went to Rosemont? Did I tell you this? When it happened? By the hand? Then I was so tired I could

not form sentences. It's fine, Um, I was because I just started reading this dang buck and I was like, let me just try this thing on for size, and let me just go to the bar in order to drink. Normally, I'll go up to any bar, any specifically in a queer space, and I'll be like, God, I'm just gonna be ignored. I'm invisible, Like I like, He's like, they're not coming to me. They're intentionally not doing this. Why are they're racist? Like like my mind fully starts to

spin out. But I was like, let me just try this this time. I'll walk up to the bar, pretend like I've already won. And then I just like fucking propped my elbows onto this bar and just like chilled, wasn't looking at my phone and was just like, this is nice. He'll come to me eventually, the bar, the bartender, and then he did, and then I got my drink, and then the vibe I gave off. Well, the vibe I gave off was such that I turned around and this cute guy was like, hey, um, I like your

I like your glasses. And then I was like, oh no, no, he goes, um, I like your glasses and I like your toe, and I was like, literally, I go, literally I go, I go. I walked because I'm like, I I have a drink from my friend Sam. I literally I go read the toe, I go, thanks, it was free, and I walk away. Wow, don't give a ship. Yeah,

and it's a beautiful. But I'm saying, but it sets it up so that you invite that kind of stuff to come to you where you're just like because because literally what she says in the book is thirsty people don't get don't get fed. That was my problem when I was when I was out on the streets, was I like, I wanted it so bad it was unwilling to do anything about it. And then like I was in constant situations where I could literally just touch something someone's arm and either hook up or no that they

didn't want to hook up and move on. But exactly I wouldn't do that. So you just can't be me also also sexless, like you just can't be make the path to looser five dicks before. It's very American pie. American pie. It's so strict. I mean, don't don't avail yourself to like any timeline like that. You want to see five dicks in a year, five dicks a year,

do a bull but also wait rolling her. No, I'm not even, but I'm saying you don't have to like, don't even pain a number to it, don't a quota, like, don't do it, don't worry about it, don't give a ship. I think a number is fine. It gamifies that, it makes it fine. I hate a way to get my hands on this book. I need that because I've been feeling like when I was really having a good few months and killing it, I like boys were coming out every which way in the past. It's only been a

couple of weeks, so you don't you don't know. Literally, I go, you read the book, and then you hear I hear Tammy Sager. That's perfect. Okay, that was sexless. Okay, I hope you're sexful. Don't. Okay, this one's kind of hot. It's a little long, but it's hot. When I was a young girl in college. Even I would go on a website that was called Littrotic. Was read gay porn stories on litt Erotica, and I would read group. I wouldn't read group group stories. I used to read Season

two American Idol fan Fick Wait, Matt and Bowen. Can't you get immature here? Do you guys want group? No? Um, I don't want group either. I recently had my group one experience with the group was awful, um and even and this is the thing it was. It was all Asians and I still felt invisible then but then but then recently I had a three and it was fun. Yeah, I've had one three and no other group. Oh, yes, you've had a three, but you asked me to be

it was a boy boy boy three. No no, no, no no no, ask asked Catherine if she's like screw because I thought we've talked group to death me and you know, I feel we barely scratched. Yes, like at me, I reading this in the bottom of my soul. Do you want group? Why? And I've had group once with w with two ms and then it happened right after that.

Let me set the scene. The year of me. I'm walking home from I'm short, like over the eight, I'm absolutely hammered, corny, but not a sad actually not something. And these guys are like, do you know a good bar to go around here? And I was like, oh yeah. They went down the street and I'm like, it's fun.

Do you want to come with us? And I'm like yeah, and then um one goes to the bathroom, start making out with one, tricking out with another, and then I'm just like, let's go back to my wait seriously, And then I have a question. When you hooked up with them, did they ever do anything with each other? No? And actually they got so weirded out that one of them sort of left towards the end, the worst one, the one with a smaller dick left. Did you talk about

this loudst time? Where three and then one guy just goes, I'm out, I don't. I don't have two stories like that. It was gorge yeh. I'm open to group that can read the hot one. No, no, you can read it, but just don't don't don't say the name can't wait here? What this next person's name is? Isa? Literally, they go hey and seek treatment. Boys, thank you so I am a straight guy. Seek immedia treatment for that, or at least I thought I was Joycey. I thought it was

until I started dating a guy. Okay, now you're seeming gay to me. I started getting even at college. I just turned twenty. I really like him, but no one expected our mutual friends, no one accept our mutual friends know that we're dating. I'm a bit reluctant to I feel like I'm reading literatica. I'm a bit reluctant to fully come out just because everyone who knows me knows that I have dated girls in the past. That's all of our stories. Besides coming to terms with my own sexuality.

The guy I'm seeing feels like I'm ashamed of him or something, but I'm not. I just want to make sure this is going to something, be something long term before I started telling everyone I know, especially if we break up and I have to not only come out but also explain my sexuality. If we break up, We're sorry. Especially a break up and I have to not only out but also explain my sexuality if we break up. Okay, that was not my fault, that was Clia's. But I

love Clea. I am especially nervous to tell my family specifically, it's always the moms are harder. To know that it's always the moms are harder. I don't know about I don't think that that's someone I know story. I just totally disregard the completely public and well trod narrative that it's hard from Sun to tell his father that he's good. But okay, that's his friend's story. I am especially it

was to my family. Mom. My family has said numerous homophobic things around me, and I'm not sure what to expect from the reaction wise, from the reaction wise board, bitch, I know they still love me, and I wouldn't be outcast or anything, but I just don't want them to see me differently. Help me, please, I'm definitely seeking treatment. Okay, so listen, babe. They think Pablo as their fake name. But I'm sorry. You are gay now you're Khalia. It is very hard to come out of the closet. We've

sympathized with you. However, you know you've got to be fair to yourself and to the guy you're dating into. You know it's the truth. So you're twenty years old, it's about that time. It's time to be brave and also also everyone's on their own calendar. What I will say is that like Kalia is concerned with his family seeing him differently, and like that's just part of it. I mean, and that's a great thing, and it's sort

of the whole point. Well, I think what what clear needs to figure out for themselves as if they're um G S r B. I think clea. Also, you should realize that no matter where this particular relationship goes, that

doesn't affect your sexuality. Yeah, that's what I'm saying by G. S r B. Yeah, but I get a dado the guy after this, maybe he doesn't need to decide that now he needs to figure out like what he's going to say about the current relationship he's in and what he owes to himself to be truthful, because he could be years of our negotiation about whether he's be He could not know he's really be R S R G until he's thirty or forty. Even so, it's like, how do you feel now? Is it a serious enough guy?

Do you like him enough that you want to like tell people about it? If you do, when the relationship is very important to you, I think then you should honor that relationship or just what kind of relationship do you want to have? Um? Like, do you want to have one of those ones where you're like, you know, a real relationship and then you have to tell people, or if maybe you just want something you're just figuring out.

You just want to see right now and that's fine, but then you might the other guy might not want that and you have to deal with those consquenses. Yeah, oh yeah, I'd be curious to figure out what the other guy's perspective is. Yeah, right, Um, and if you are sensing that he feels that you're ashamed, um, I don't know. Just get to the bottom belief of what that is. Like why do you think he thinks you're ashamed? I don't know. Well because he I mean, part of

part of being gay or bisexual is shame. So like he you are a shamed listener. You that is kala. You You are ashamed and that is part of this. It's about like accepting the fact that you're different and like deciding now whether or not you want to be brave now or later based on how important the relationship is to you. Yeah, I think do what you want, but know that you will be happier if you just like come out, sure, Catherine do five minutes on this.

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