CULTCH WAR LIVE! (Part One)

part of bo Podcast Festival. So I don't cut a bit off. I'm so sorry, but look, I was just so excited to talk about our next live show, I Don't Think So Honey Live on November eighteenth at ten pm at the Bell House. That's part of the Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Is it because we have amazing people like Francesco Ramsey, Jill Kim Booster, Achilla Hughes, Brandon, Scott Jones, Sarah Tola, Mush, Mike Kelton in so much more, all

serving one minute rans on culture. It is. And it's so funny because I was going to say that same exact thing. That's because that's what's on the paper in front of us. We don't have a paper in front of us. Who's right, who's wrong? Find out at the show. They're there, we go, We'll figure that out. Guys, give it up for Pat Benattar. What have we said in the past. We've said, right now, what the pop landscape is missing is a Pat better. We said the pop

landscape is missing a Pat Benatar. And can I tell you what I had said? Hold on first, let me reveal my hair. Yeah, right, am I giving you Archie. The goal was to give you like hot Archie. I don't know what the funk this thing is on my arms. You had brought up that there needs to be a Pat Benettar devoid in pop culture right now? Is a Pat Benatar type, And I said, Demi Demi, Demi is kind of filling that space right now. I don't know.

I feel Demi is wonderful. I feel that it would have been smart for Taylor Swift to come back with like a rock album or like to try to do a rock album. Yeah, and then she could have tried to be like the Pat Benettar and would have bought it. It would have been shitty, but people would have bought and there's just like a space for that because where is Pat Benatar? I don't know Pat Benatar. Imagine that would be the gag um if Pat Benatar were to come out, it would be the gag. Did you know

my dad? My dad went to high school with Pat Benatar, Long Island? Have I discussed this? I don't think who here listens to the podcast at all? Thank you? Well, we should first say, my name is Matt Rogers, my name is and this is lost Culture Recess presents culture War and I don't think so honey deathmatch? Yes, and I don't think it's honey death match. Now who has been to I don't think so honey in the past our live shows? All right, great, it can get really

really fucking violent up here. So we thought, let's lean into that. Let's gamify that experience. Let's gamify that experience because it's rule. It's it's actually a rule of culture number seventy four. You gotta gamify that experience. Guys, I think we can all say that one together, just rule number seventy four of culture. Gamify that experience. There was people that were confused. Some people say, you gotta gamify that experience. Do you know what. There's about two plus

people in the room. People are gonna get confused. Um um, okay, you know what, you know what? Um I no, no, no no, no no, no, no no, no. We're not gonna talk about pep Enitar anymore. You know why, because I don't want to hear another, fucking folks, the anecdote about your fucking dad from Long Island who went to high school with Pat Benatar. You guys, I would say my narrative is exponentially more compelling, and yet I don't talk about my fucking parents at every turn. Look, this is this is

the narrative I'm pushing all night. I am an immigrants. I've come so far, im. I would hate for you to give immigrants a bad name here tonight by losing. That's right, I'm the villain of the show. Thank you the few of you who are on my side tonight. I've picked the Republican color, a color I don't look very good in. And also you might say you're not even wearing a single color. That's because I, and this is my mantra of the night, have a handicap. I

am color blind. It has been so hard. No, but you know what's interesting you want to know why I know stories about my parents because my parents fucking talk to me. Uh, Bowen's parents don't give a shit about him. My mother would be here. She's not tonight, but she would. Your parents are cheap, They wouldn't shell out money to

fly from Denver. My parents have to get on the L I R R trash in order to come here, and they will sit there next to someone named Stephanie throwing up into a fucking bag so they can come support their son. Fuck you, how about that? Also? I want to say Bowen didn't vote. That's not that's not true. No, no, no, no, no, is it not true? No Pooking proven he did not. He did not take a picture of the sticker. I can picture on a piece of paper. I will kind

not the sticker. Will kindly refer everyone in this room to my Instagram account, in which I posted the stub at that a Rapaho County, a swing county within the swing state of Colorado, provides in the absentee ballot. They give you a stub. I had no adhesive on it to stick it on my chest, but I voted for the two sort of non consequential elections in my County. I only had too. I had the mayor of Centennial, and then I had Um, which which was between two

people unconsequential, the bow and Yang story. And then and then like some like circuit judge and sounds not important and interesting. Your parents are bored of you a minute? Oh my god? Um? We can we can now report what culture war? Can now report? Oh? I guess yeah, well we've been careful before you do this. Can we report this? I think we can because at least Morale has had some reservations. Really are in from Virginia that call it for the Democrats for the governor's race for

North Um. Yes, this is also an election event. Who here went to an election show last year and left crying? Yeah? Same same. Okay, let's bring it back to acrimony. Um, what what then? Bring it back to crimony? Tell everyone what the funk we're doing tonight? Okay, So what the funk we're doing is we're here and this is culture war. This is what we were called the super Bowl of Fagotry. Yeah, this is the gay events of the year. Seriously, we're so so excited. Did you guys all came out? Thank

you guys so much. For coming out. It's fucking raining, which is just such a metaphor for the hardship, for the queer hardship, for the queer hardship. Yeah, it's the LGB it's the LGBT struggle outside um. And so what we're doing tonight is Bone and I have enlisted truly the all stars of Lost Culture Rests. I don't think so, honey. I mean, every single person that's going to get up on this stage has absolutely killed it at one of our live shows in the past or on the show itself.

I mean, and they're all going to go head to head, and we're gonna have a blue ribbon judging panel to decide who moves on to each round. And yes, this is Team Matt versus Team Bowing. But let's get real, at the end, there will only be one Lost Culture Rests Icon Award winner. Now, Yes, Yes, Now the prize Yeah, the prize is the title of Lost Cultures to US Icon Award winner. Yes, and a MO prize of one hundred dollars. You will get, Yes, you will get, Yes,

give it up. You will get in two installments, a Venmo prize of one hundred dollars. Matt let's tell everyone what our winner could do with a hundred dollars. What could they do with a hundred dollars? Um? You could buy half a plane ticket to Orlando, Florida, or or or if you you know, get it early enough, like three quarters of a plane ticket. Yes, yes, you could pay for um a third of a strep test at

City MD. You need to get insurance. I have insurance, but I have a fucking bullshit deductible, and so you have to pay a hundred hours to take a STRAP test. No, you know what this was? Did you even have strap? Didn't have strap? And you know what City MD is? Amazing? City m D is a fast casual painkiller restaurant. They misdiagnosed me thrice. I can't do it. They're amazing. What they do is they bring like medical staff and then

they'll like displace at bodega. And then but then they like they keep some of the they keep some of the personnel. So like a cat gave me my strap test. It was amazing, It was amazing. Best friend men's best friend. Cats. Okay, you guys, I think it might be time just get this started. Let's get this started. We have our judges speaking to that mike bitch, because let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You're not going to ruin this for me. I'm a gonna listen to this later.

And you didn't know how to talk on the mic. And by the way it's being recorded, so like react fucking talk in the mic. It's a constant problem. No excuse me, no, no, no no, no, no no, no no. You had to be noted. I am an immigrant and I can't quite push air through like some fucking pseudo drama major, a tish pseudo trama I failed dramatic writing major. I have another shitty degree. I'm proud to get my other bullshit degree, my alternative arts degree. Um no, I'm saying

I'll work on this. Okay, this is a point of unity. You're doing really good. Now I'm talking down the axis for a sonorous proximity effect. Okay, you guys, let's bring on our judges, shall we. Let's bring up the judges. First off, there he is, okay, I have all right, first up, you take it away, but we have um our historic lost culture is just guest who has been the only two time guests besides Pat Regan, who want a technicality, you had to return because this first episode

was lost. Now his amazing comedy Central half hour is out. You can buy that. You can watch that on the app, or buy the episode on Amazon, or you can listen to his amazing best selling comedy album Model Minority and um, bitch, you'll hear all about him very soon in a couple of years. Um, but that's like when his next big break will be. Guys, give it up for Joel, Kim Booster, Joe. Yeah, I love Joel. You're all right here with me, baby, all right, So Joel is here. Joel, let's just quickly

run through. What are you looking for? And I don't think so, honey. I know that your criteria is very specific. Yeah, so uh make some moise if you heard my episode that just saired, my second episode recently, Yeah, I think I laid it out pretty clearly in my own I don't think so, honey. In that episode, which is bring me Culture. I don't want to hear about your frustrations with some lady on the train or your jeans, Okay, Like I want to hear about culture. I want to

hear about dance. I want to hear about music. I want to hear about movies, food, culture. Food is culture, you know, but give it big, make sure it's in the realm. I don't want some like bullshit from your life. Okay, uh, I want culture. I don't want some bullshit from your life. Quote him. That is Joel Kim Booster. Joel Kim Booster. Everybody next to the stage. This is the fucking head pitch in charge right now. Everyone. You can hear her on Amazing podcast on Forever Dog Network. Here we go.

She is the host of Fresh Batch. You know her from After Paradise, you know her from the view. Everyone, please give it up for Michelle fucking Collins. Yes, hello, Darling Georgia. Yes, give it up for the Tunic, the Tunic. Give it up for the Tunic. You guys look great. Oh my god, we're serving Prince of Fire and nice you're serving Tunic. Listen. I have so much Tunic to give tonight. I can't wait. Thank you guys for having me. We're so excited. So listen, Chritsiria, what are you looking

for tonight? What is going to make you serve a high score up for? I don't think so. Um. I'm like a real fucking bitch. So I want passion, like I want you to come up with passion um, and I'm gonna give you some inspiration. Many many years ago, I was at St. Vincent's hospital after being bitten by a rabid dog, and I overheard Mincent this happened, r I p St. Vincent's. It's still there, it's haunted, it's creeping hotel. I also stay there many nights, and it's

also an AIRBNBA times listen. I had some hard times. But look, no, but I saw this woman and I'm not going to assume she's an addict, but she was sucked up and they were trying to gurney her. They were like, get on the gurnie, get on the gurney. And she looked at the doctors and the nurses and she said, I'll rent space in your head all night, bitch. I want tonight. That's the energy. I want tonight here for all of you, Okay, and you yes, oh, I've I will so I can serve up psychotic person in

the hospital realness. And you better too, every all of our contestine. So who's who's this next? Who's our Simon Cowell coming to the stage right now? Bowen, this is our Simon cow This is our judge who has the most technical knowledge of culture. I will say yes, he's the senior culture editor at Esquire and he um, he picks this stories. He's the one who curates what we see. So just think about that, and um, really challenge what he deems um culturally relevant. Um, you have an opportunity

here tonight. If if his judgments don't go a certain way, you I I call on you all too. Who's going on for a long time? It's like, shut up. Everyone's bored to you, including your parents. Welcome to this stage, Tyler, Come hello, Darling, Tyler Coates. So tell me, Tyler, what are we looking for? And I don't think so? Honey, tonight you've done them. I've done one. Yes, I'm I'm really I want to learn tonight. You want to learn? I want to learn something new? Oh wow, he wants

an education pressure, But I want to learn. I love that. Well, I mean I think that we can provide that. I think we even listed some of the fucking best people that we know to do the show. What do you say we get it started? Shall we? Okay? We have Joel, we have Michelle, we have Tyler. Now everyone. Here's what's

gonna happen. We're gonna bring up our first battle pairing, and then they're gonna do there I don't think so, Honey's and then you guys are going to give feedback afterwards and then reveal simultaneously who you've chosen, but first in order to determine an order of who is going to go first and second for this first round, Bowen Yang and I are going to do and I don't think so, honey, ourselves. So um, let's just say, let's

do what we usually do on the show. Yeah, how about you go first, I'll go second, and then we'll see who emerges victorious to determine the order. All right, this first round is going to be under the umbrella of people. We've asked everyone that prepared and I don't think so, honey. Tonight to prepare and I don't think so, honey. Based on people, this can be a specific person, a celebrity, it can be a group of people, a kind of person, very large umbrella. And I'm happy you're just seeing my

alpa from another angle and laughing. I'm happy to start us off. Do we have a timer? We do, We don't have the paddles. We find them too. Um, you know, obstructive labor. Let's do this. This is Matt Rodgers is I don't think so, Honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey, Jesus Christ, bitch, it's time to come back. If you were real, wouldn't you'll be back now? It would be a good time. Also, a bitch, I'm sorry, but what are your credits? You turn water into wine? Bitch? No,

that's just some weird water or some shitty wine. I'll tell you where where I can get wine that tastes like that. Go to cottage. It's a Union Square. It's a little Chinese all you kiddy restaurant. They have wine that tastes like water. Bitch. Yes, you know it's bad. I don't think so, honey. Jesus Christ, bitch. You know what, if Michael Jackson was around in Bethlehem, we would have called him Jesus the moon Walk. We would have said, bitch,

that guy's turning water into wine metatorically. I don't think so, honey, Jesus Christ and his believers. I'm sorry, but we should say you walking through the doors right now and stopping this. If you were real, I don't think so, honey. Jesus cry and that's one minute. Matt Rogers, Okay, beat it all right, Um, this is my turn, and then after I go, we'll go to judges, and then I guess I'll give your timer as well. Let's just getting my

phone out. Hold on, okay, this is bone Yang's I don't think so honey on people, and as time starts now, I don't think so honey even knew any of the A C. L U. Taylor Swift, Oh, You're gonna sick your lawyers on a blog that has seventy eight Twitter followers for correctly stating that white supremacists are embracing you as their pop star. No, no, no, I don't think so, honey. Look, think of a better Nazi dog whistle than constantly referring

to blue fucking eyes. Drain your fucking boner for blue eyes before you start parading Uzoa Dubo around, Dubo around? Is your only black friend in the squad? Okay? And look, I don't think so any Taylor Swift. Don't think you can just buy a Tribeca townhouse owned by Dominique Strauss Khan banged rapist Dominique Strauss con and us to not notice what the funk would happen to that one dollar lawsuit that you want to take a stand against sexual harassment.

That would be like if I bought a house from allegedly white supremacist Taylor Oneman Bowen Yang Mine was researched mine. Yeah, a lot of originality on display there. I don't think so, honey, Taylor Swift, Okay, so we're gonna go to the judges for feedback, Joel, what did you think about? Wow? I thought this Those were both really fantastic because I thought they both encapsulated who you both are and your individual

styles of I don't think so, honey. We got a lot of long island nonsense over here, which I love. Where did you tell people to go for water cottage? And actually it's really cute. It's it's it's like on the cheaper side, you can go with the large exactly, the cheaper side, um, exactly. And from Bowen, I love the I love the details that Boone always brings the dominant Strauss Khan Um do you tell like, where are you finding that sort of richness in? And I don't

think so, honey, Um. I gotta say, And um, Bowen really came alive for me in a way that I find him normally to present his I don't think so, Honey is sort of half asleep, quite honestly, and so it was really nice to see him, to see the passion that I've been wanting to see from him. And it goes back, Matt. What I set up top is Jesus culture. Yes, I would argue that dance does he act that? I don't know? Um, So I'm gonna have

to give it to Bowen this time. I'm so sorry, Okay, Michelle, Okay, Well, I have to say that as a Jew, Jesus is culture because growing up, my family used to sneak into church for wine and wait first, and that really is true. We used to go pretend to be Christian because it was so beautiful and there was a silent night. And one time went to a really religious church and they it got too real and my mom was like, we gotta go. I was like on my knees, like covered

in blood, Like what church is this? So I will say this is really true. So for me, Jesus is culture. Oh and you were both fantastic boh, and I will say something. When you began, I didn't hear that you said, Taylor Swift, and I thought you were talking about the head of the A C L you And I literally turned to Tyler. I was like, how did so he was friends with? But so for me, I was a little lost because of that, because of sound issues. So for that and because I'm a Jew. For Jesus, I

gotta give it to Matt. But I love you. I love you Boat and Tyler Cokes. This was tough because I can't name two people I don't want to hear more about. So the fact that you brought out the guns, you know, right at the top of the show, Bold would have done differently myself. But having said that, you know, I think the presentation for both of you was really what did it for me? You know, Matt, you flail

about love it. It's exciting to see Bowen. I love the cape so but ultimately, ultimately, because you know, who have I heard the most about for most of my life, Jesus Christ, it's a little I've heard it all, you know what I mean. So I'm gonna go with Taylor Smith and bow I concede. I concede, Okay, So all reminder the judges. That was great. We're gonna give the feedback and then we're gonna ask for who you voted for at the end for going forward, going forward, that

was amazing, But going forward different? Um um, keeping well, will you decide will you go? Will you will your people be going first or will they be going second. I'm going to decide, as my gambit for the rest of this round that my contestants will go second. All right, then it is decreed Matt's contestants will go first all through round one, and let's start round one right now. Now this first battle pairing, I'm gonna bring my contestant to the stage. This is the Lost Culture Rests Icon

Award winner. This is the reason why we do this show. A two time guest on our show. The first time it was too hot to even make it to the airwaves. Bitch, wasn't a mechanical error which it was too hot. He's slayed every single time he's done. I don't think so, honey. I'm so proud to bring Pat Reagan sage. Come on, bitch, we do too. This is your right here all right, bowen, alright, um,

I'm gonna bring up my contestant in this matchup. You know, uh, this next person as um, someone who just is edifying, who really teaches us something new in the way that he communicates, and um not not not not that many people can do that, and um, the fact that I can learn something from him says a lot. That's fucking crazy, narcissistic bullshit. Now, um, he has turned out iconic. I don't think so, honey, is himself that display range And

I am so excited to welcome Dylan Marin Dylan. All right, so this matchup is what we call the light versus the dark. Up to you if you can figure out who's who now? All right, Pat, it's time? Are you ready? So I will the opposing side will keep time? All right, right, this is Pat Regans. I don't think so honey. Time

starts now. I don't think so honey, customers, because guess what, I'm a celebrated comedian, and I'm so good at comedy that I work retail and I work running specialty, which means I get to deal with the feet of strangers. Will they treat me like a disobedient dog and every day kind of stand there and they walk into my space and I'm kind of like, oh, no, one invited you here, hi, And then they started and then I have to ask them like can I help you find anything?

And they act like I belong on a government watch list. And second, I did not invent this custom. I'm supposed to do this. And then they said and then as like give them the right shoe. And one time a lady said, um, these the shoe looks like an alien. Do you have any issues that don't look like aliens? And I was like, yeah, it's green. Um, let me go back and work my magic. And then one time a gentleman picked up a pair of pants and said, um, did these pants do anything? And I was like, no,

but their pants, so what were they? And he was like, yeah, I guess. One time a lady picked up a fucking shoe and said, how do you make this? And I said, I don't know, I've never made one. That's one minute, and everybody, all right, let's move straight to Dylan right now. All right, I'm gonna throw it over you too. Yeah, I take center stage. You may if you like. He feels like he has to do a lot. All right, so we're gonna start your time. Dylan you're I don't

think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who think they're dismantling the patriarchy by making small penis jokes, fuck you, I don't think so, honey. They're on original and you are building a structure to the very thing you want to demolish. Every time you hold your pinky up and and compare it to a man's penis. I'm sorry, but you're erecting a small altar to toxic masculinity. What is funny about the size of Donald Trump's hands

and nothing? It's because they belonged to Donald Trump. That's what sucks about them. Okay, And you know what, my love, I'm so sorry, but the fuck boys who you intended to dame these jokes that aren't listening. But you know who isn't is listening me because I didn't take my pants off for six years after coming out because I was so crippled by your jokes. But don't you worry, baby, because unlike you, my capacity for empathy is a grower and a show. I want to say something. I want

to say something. Okay, I want to say something. Okay, Matt, he did, he did go five seconds over. Okay, and did go five seconds over. I will say Pat technically went three seconds over as well. It sounds like they're even then we should never have said anything at all. Right, let's throw it over the judges now, Joel, let's get your thoughts. Wow. Um, really great showings from both of you. Pat. Obviously, I've been a fan of your since Vegas Week. Um,

I've been rooting for you. I loved your blind audition. Um. You know famously I turned my chair for you. You did not pick me. Um. Yeah, I am not sure that customers for me our culture. Um. Again, when I said I don't want to hear about bullshit from your life, that seals like textbook bullshit from your life. Um. And Mac Dylan, Um, you know clearly this speaks to me as an Asian American person. I've been the butt of small penis tricks my entire life since I realized I

had a penis. Um. So I felt that I love the impassion. Um. I would it felt a little more like I was reading than laughing. Um. But but I guess like jokes are closer to culture for me, and I think Pat was doing mostly just This was in his excuse to do stand up. I guess, um, so I gotta give it to Dylan, all right, Jol didn't take the note. Okay, let's move on to Michelle. Michelle, Hi, Well, these on both these topics really spoke very dearly to me.

On one because I used to work at a store and customers customer, and I am a customer off and a customer. But I gotta tell you, sometimes maybe you have the attitude. You know, sometimes I come in real nice and friendly and sometimes I'm a Sephora Rouge member and I deserve a little respect, you know what I mean. So like, maybe you should realize that, like you're getting kay to do that and put up with the bullshit

for money, for my money, you know what I mean? Now, But I do love your adorable now on this side, Um, I'm a bit of a songs queen, so I will say that it did open up my eyes to how other men feel. That's very nice. I gonest I was like, wow, I never thought of it that way. So um, I'm gonna save the winner for the end. But I will say you're both absolutely adorable, not that it matters, but they're both very cute, very cute. Um, I'm often a customer.

I think I'm a good customer because I shop online, which is how you're supposed to do it. You don't have to deal with anyone's bullshit. You don't give anyone bullshit. It's the best way to do it. So you know I have great empathy for you. Uh. You know I love learning. As I said, Um, I love passionate teaching, which is what I got. Uh. And you know I mean not a subject I think I learned a lot about,

but I still appreciate it. All right, Okay, Judges, it is now time to reveal on account of three who you've voted for for this round of Culture War. And I'm gonna countdown one, two, three, show DL, Pat Dylan. You guys, we have our first winner. Dylan Marin advances to the round. Give it up for Patt Reagan. Wow, give up for Dylan Marin now, unbelievable. Unbelievable. So that means the first round does go to Team Bowen. There we go, so thank you. That's okay, We're all still

in the game. Now listen, um coming to the stage right now. This round is the Lifestyle Queen. The Lifestyle Queens These are the queens of lifestyle. Let me tell you something right now. My girl is the host of the Roast of your fifteen year old self, which you can find right here at this very New York Comedy Festival. She is a pillar of the New York comedy community, one of my favorite people ever. She is a graduate of the University of Delaware and her name is Elisa More. Yes,

what do you have, trash? And my guest, my contestant, teammate, friend, confidant, is coming up and she has her own New York Comedy Festival show this week as well. She's throwing herself her own botton mitzpa, but making it a comedy show. Can you fucking believe I relate to that because my sister, at the age of twenty nine threw herself an adult bottom mitzvah. And I am a fucking menst right now. I'm just for a life. I'm a mention. Uh. She

host her own podcast to Lady Lovin. She's an amazing comedian. Guys, give it up for greta title man, Hello Grata. Now, these are the lifestyle queens. If they say for you to do something, you do it. If they tell you to buy something, you buy it it influencer. All right, so alas we are going first position, I'll take my position. Here we go, Bowen, Are you ready socialized? Any one second? I'm just checking with my contestant, my teammate. This is a lease morales is. I don't think so, honey. Time

starts now, I don't think so, honey. And this is controversial, but I don't think so honey. Justin motherfucking Trudeau, Okay, I don't buy it. I'm not buying it. His vibe to me, his vibe to me, says guy who wears it. This is what a feminist looks like, t shirt on Tinder, but then tries to pee in your mouth when you get home. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, and that's okay if you like that. But he's not really asking if you like that, he says,

Justin Trudeaux looks like the fucking friend zone. Can't you just you just think about it, think about his face it just you can imagine him saying, but I'm so nice. Oh, then I listened to your feelings. So won't you touch the tip a little bit? No? No, Justin, I don't like the little socks. You're a grown ass man. You run a country, okay, I think and oh also as a as a prank, just intrudeue pretends to fall down the stairs. That's fucking weird. You can look up videos

of it. I don't know what's that's about, but I don't think so, honey. Yes, that's one minute. Wow, there we go. That was culture all right? Interesting? Um, you know, just because you're not a fucking judge. Okay, all right, um, all right, So it's time for Greta titleman. I don't think so, Honny. She's gonna take her space. That is a dress, Greta, Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Millie Bobby Brown, okay, bitch, So you shaved your fucking

head and eight egg goes. So did I in high school? You fucking bitch. Oh you have a nosebleed and can't talk. That was me during my cocaine a day ship. Okay. Sorry, you're a child star, honey, and your parents had to prostitute your ass in Los Angeles. I do that on my own. I don't need supervision. And one more thing, braces ever heard of them? Bitch, ever fucking heard of. It's called him Visaline, Honey. I had it when I was thirteen, and you want to know what else I

was doing? And I was sucking dick like a normal kid. Okay, I don't want to watch you have your first kids on screen. I don't. I don't, So fuck you, Millie, Bobby Brown, fuck you well. And with that, let's go to the judges. Shock, Joel, let's get feedback from you, Joel on both the ladies, I'll do it. I'll do it right this time. I loved both of these. I think, Um, you guys really set the bar for this competition tonight.

Um this at all was ah, It's everything I wanted from a I don't think so honey, you gave me culture. Both of you. You really went in in ways. The jokes were tight. Um Elise, specifically, what I love about you and what I love about the form that you guys have created. I don't think so, honey, that you really latch onto is. I love the cadence of repeating I don't think so honey throughout. Um you thread in the title of the show and of what we're doing here,

and I love that. Um, you're a real scholar of the form Um and Greta, I thought it was electric. I thought going after a thirteen year old girl with the viciousness that you did took bravery, took guts Um. And also I love um. You know, I didn't come away with from Elise's knowing anything about Elise's, but I came away knowing that you are a rich slot Um and that's important. That's it. I love learning about you. I love learning about you throughout. I honestly don't know

who I'm going to vote for tonight because it's it's tough. Well, I have to say something, Greta. I feel connected because Um. I also was not bought miss fun And I also fucking hate Millie Bobby Brown. And I have only heard wait now when no one laughs, people like she's a monster. Sorry, but I've only heard the worst stories, the crazy days and night style blind items about her and her dad um not together in a weird way, not the time for that guy's but just like you know, stage dad

step And also, I believe she's twenty six. If you look at pictures of her, she is so wrinkled and the bitches wrinkled. Anyways, I'm jealous okay, and then Trudeau. I'll be honest. I think also this I don't think so Honey stems from a jealousy because I also have it of like hot guys to like don't pay attention, you know, which I get. It's like that, you know what I'm talking about. There's a style of man, Trudeau style. He also looks a little bit like Doug from Doug

the cartoons. It's like me a minute, I was like, what the fun was that show called oh Doug. He's a bit Doug like. But alright, Tyler, take it, Tyler. I think both of these UH performers are incredibly brave going after a child, obviously, going after the only attractive person in power that we have, UM, and you know, and the bar is low with that one because look what else we have to deal with. UM. I think when it comes down to me or the details, I

think that I learned a lot about you. And also the blue eye shed I really spoke to me when you're looking at me. I know that it's a little bit unfair because I'm so close to you, but it is what it is sometimes and um, but so I appreciate I appreciate the political and I appreciate the cultural and I think all that together really says something. It certainly presents a tough decision. All right, but we are now going to ask for the reveal. These are two

amazing others. Want to give it up for them, give it up for grad Anais. But we are going to have to reveal now in three to one, here we go. Okay, three to one, here we go. Okay, that was a close one. It was a close one. It was very close. That was the first photo. It's very hard, it's very difficult. It was a photo finish. Now, all right, look, team Bowen has two. Team Matt. You know hi everybody. This is Matt Rodgers. I'm sitting here with Bone Yang and

we're the co host of the Last Cultures podcast. And we're so excited because we have a beautiful, amazing, wonderful live show that we want you, yes, you to be at. It's called I Don't Think So Honey Live. It's our third installment of the show and it's all going down at the Bellhouse on Saturday, Novem ten pm as part of Brooklyn Podcast Festival. Now, I am so excited for all of these guests. We picked out fifty brand new comedians who have not done and I don't think so.

Honey Live been one of our live shows before to take something to tasking culture that's bothering them. And this is so fun. We're so excited to be part of the festival, to do our first show at the Bellhouse, and we hope you come out. It's always such a fun time and who knows, maybe you might get called up to do your own. I don't think so. There will be a raffle, and if you win the raffle, not only will you be heralded for giving to charity,

pails will be able to do it. I don't think so many of your own, that's right, an interactive show, you bitch. I don't know. I think you should really think about coming out to this. I think you're gonna have a good time, a lot of good talent, a lot of good friends. Possibly you know what, several drinks to choose from from the bar. Yeah, they have their liquor license. That's always number one, gotta have a liquor license. And then number two stage a stage, and number three

the cabaret laws are gone. You can dance all you want now. Wow, Well, don't answer in the show, because you know there's a show going on and people want to be focused on that. But you know you wouldn't go to prison if you dance. We would just not not appreciate it. And that's what America is all about. See you with the show by So this next round, go ahead, bo and tell them all about it. This next round is entitled boys We used to be in love with but are now our co hosts on other shows.

Now if you if you listen to our bonus episode, I'll refer you back to the podcast week sort of go into great detail about our sort of fraud histories with both of these boys. We each I mean, I've only had feelings for one and the same same for you. But now there are collaborators, and um, what what an emotional journey? What is what? Something that speaks to our emotional maturity? Which absolutely I'm so proud to bring my

contestant to the stage. Back in two thousand thirteen, we showed a six week trist He once kicked me out of his apartment at two am because he didn't want to be cuddled. My dick was too hot. I think we watched each other to completion one time each He's my co host on the show Game Show, which you can see you this Saturday at u c VS. Everyone give it up for this fucking bitch, Dave Mazzoni. Oh my god, you fucking bitch. Oh my god. Um. Meanwhile,

my teammate and I are past. Is something that's just a little bit more. Um, it's a little bit more. Nothing ever happened between them. It's forbidden. So um did my teammate and I shared a twelve hour road trip from Chicago to New York with a pickup truck full of his things. He was moving. I thought I was really getting close to him. Um. And I remember, Oh, this is a detail that's never been told. I remember when he dropped me off in my apartment. I texted

him swoon and he did not text bath. But now we are close friends. We've you know, we've we've collaborated on proven, prove in quantities of shows. Please give it up for Sam Taggart. Swoon, swoon, swoon noon. I couldn't respond to the text. I was driving. That's all right. Well it's time these boys that we used to be in love with, who now are co host on other shows. It's time for your I don't think so, honey, Dave, you want to take center, Yes, I will take center.

Alright ready, I'm gonna be at home for Team Matt, right at home. This is David Mazoni's Dave Mazoni's I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The other gay slaying it at this wedding, no, bitch. From the moment I saw you Potta Moray into that pew at the church, I knew you were gonna come for me. Bitch. You fucking pivot turned like you owned it.

And as we made eye contact, as the priest took the body and the blood and the bride and the groom and eleganomenomeno marriage right before our eyes, you looked at me and we said together, Dad, this is bullshit. Okay, so listen, we are not going to be friends. I know you went to a conservatory. Okay. The boatie is really on it. We get it. It's on the nose. Okay, so listen, remember we built this city. We built this city on team and shame. Okay, keep it to us out. Okay,

we shouldn't be friends. They want to fit us into this box and just because we fit in there perfectly does not mean we need to let them know that bitch. I don't think so, honey. Other day, we are not friends one minute. I don't know you one minute, Dave Massoni give it up. Amazing, Oh very good. All right, So Sam, here's your time. I don't think so, honey, Sam Taggart, your time starts now. I don't think so, honey. The entire population of a storia. I am not coming

to your house swimming party for the last time. You know, just because you want to throw your social life away doesn't mean I'm throwing my night away. Oh Plus, even if I wanted to get there, how I mean to trains even go there, I swear to God. And if I hear one more time, Oh but there's this like incredible beer hall. If your specialty is beer, you're not special. That's the whole thing. Earlier this year, I famously went to Japan. The reason to get as far away from

a storia as as humanly possible. A second, I know a storia and its population is not culture. Joel and I agree with one minute, and we should get it out of the Actually today it's gotta be over. I step in when there's pandering, I step in. All right, we're gonna go to Joel Kim Booster with reaction. Um. Wow, this was an incredible one to two premiere faggots coming to the stage. Um, premier premier facts and listen. Okay, So neither of these really fit in my very narrow

definition of culture. Um, but they are both things that speak to me because I am also territorial, like a feral cat at weddings with other gay men, and I also hate a storia. Um, so this is tough for me. Um. Dave, you did sort of give me culture though by just the way you perform. You gave me dance, you know you were you go the way up raise. You gave me the dance, and Sam, you gave me acting in that half of your I don't think so, honey. Was you playing the part of someone listening to your I

don't think so, honey. You were giving me a lot of faces. You're giving me a lot of reactions. And so we got acting and dancing, and I don't know who I'm gonna go for alright, Michelle Collins, Hi, everyone, Um, okay, Well I want to say, Dave, this was interesting to me. Because I always befriend the Gates at the wedding and that's usually who talks to me, and so it was interesting that you guys fight. I was like, no, don't

fight like it bothered me. I was like, no, shouldn't fight you No, I know, but I'm just saying that. I'm like, next time I'm gonna break it up. I'm gonna be like kiss like something. I'm gonna be cute. I'm gonna be really I'll be very drunk. You know, we usually end u kissing. We find it. I know. But I really loved your style. I did feel included. It was very Julie Tamore. It was very nice Tare. I was like that, sure, is that a giraffe head out the hat? I was shocked. And then sam, um,

you're very handsome. I don't like how you treated my friend Bill. And I'm joking, I can't imagine. I know you're good looking, so I'm already like I don't like him. He's handsome. He's like hot. Okay, we got that right. It's like enough already, you know, but Dave's hot. Dave's hot time too. I know. It's more like i'd be confused. By that not but I love that. I like, I love it, but I'm like, what's happening here? Like is

he or isn't he? Um? That being said, M I love Greek food, so I I will travel to a story for feta cheese. And that's how I feel about a story. I am a fat listen. I like Tyler Coates. Um. I yeah, let's talk about what I relate to here. I also ate a story. I've been there like three times, um, and that's enough for me. I am usually the only gay person at a wedding, but that's just because I have a weird friend group, so I'm not happy about it.

But when we talk about performance, I think, like Dave, I just loved how expressive, how passionate you were, how much aggression you have, not just for other gay people, but for the audience too. I think it really came across and it was strong. Sam. It bothered me that you refere it's Joel and not me. It bothered me to Tyler, but that's just the personal thing. Uh. Great, alright, So we are now going to go to the judges for the vote, all right, and I'm gonna countdown from

three to one. What do we got people, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave Day. Yes, there we go. Moving on to the next round. Sam Taggart and David's give it up for Sam. Oh baby, now tell her about this little battle match up here. About is the Titans of Intellect and and thedendum former co workers. Um, they don't like Trump. They don't like Trump. They wrote for the President's show. Give it up for the President Show, Get it up for the President Show, Bob Um. Alright, So Matt want to

tr you're coming to the stage right now. I literally don't see it right now. Over there, Yes, she's over there. Ray Sunny, come on, how are you? Yes? Okay? And then coming up to the stage. Look, this is like off Red, and I love it. It's off Red. It works, it works. Matt's color blind. I'm an immigrant. So coming up to the stage, you have my teammates. She is, um just a just a lifesaver for doing this. I love her so much. She's so fucking funny. Please welcome

to the stage. Meetread you horror. Alright, now, this is tough. I know that they're both They just looked at each other very lovingly. They're very good friend. This is this is family. But but but but so what but so fucking what? Alright, so just own my dad. So this is fine, Ray, here we go. If you want to take center, you may. I don't think so, honey. She feels like she wants to plan. She wants to plan plan Alright, Here we go. Raceny's I don't think so, honey.

Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Justin Timberlake A Justin Timberlake is whack of ship for doing what he did to Janet and accepting that super Bowl performance next year. But we don't have to start and end there, because he's been whacked forever. The best dancer in in sync Joey Fat Tone, the best singer and in sync ja c Chase. Every time Justice goes on tour, he talks about Brittany's virginity. You suck a fuck you for that wack. You're a whack. Justin can't act. He's

a him. He feels like Will Smith the first two seasons of Fresh Prince before he learned how to act. All right, he sucking. He loves black music. Have you seen him chow with a negro? Ever? Ever he was with Cameron Diaz whom I love. She's a dope. Bad that's one minute. But then all right, pray killed it. Here we go, killed it, here we go. This ist here comes to she's making her way. She can't fucking wait this one. Your time starts now. I don't think so, honey.

Pinnacle of white mediocrity, Ben Affleck. Wow. So my hatred for Ben Affleck started long ago when he made the movie Argo. Fat motherfucker didn't do any research about Argo. Then he became a fucking superhero. Galgado squeezes herself into a band aid every single day, and Ben Affleck gets to waddle onto set and do whatever he wants. No personality. Tied for last place for ugliest fucking Affleck brothers bad

brother John't empower your brother. If you want to be a good brother, tell your brother to figure out a ship. Oh yeah, you grabbed a woman's tent on television. Disgusting, fat motherfucker. I hated. I hate to body shame. No, I don't. He's disgusting. He gets to fun Jo gets about Jennifer Garf and what why he does bad movies. He is a bad writer, He's a racist. Argo is disgusting. They could do any research. They had them storm the capital any iron like zombies. Every person in that movie

is stupid, including him. It's not funny. I hate it. But minute we have two fierce takedowns of true white mediocritie for last place for ugliest affleck brother. They should be applauded. Yes, that was amazing, This is good, that was necessary. All right, we're coming to Joel Kim Booster for reaction. Um. First of all, I love you, I love you both as a duo. I want to green light the show, um immediately. I don't know what it is.

I just want to send you out on a tour bus somewhere in the middle of America and watch them figure you out. Um. It's great. Ray going for j T classic uh he What if he doesn't bring Janet onto the Super Bowl performance? I mean, would you freak out if she came? It would be amazing. Um. I think my favorite part of your I don't think so, Honey, was the way you pronounced fat own um. Really hitting the fat of fat own um was remarkable to me. Um,

that's exciting. Um. Metra coming for Ben uh taught for the first place for ugliest Athlete brother was great. The picture of him waddling onto set was great. Lots of fat going on in both of these. Um interestingly enough, Um, yeah, this is gonna be a tough one. It would be a tough one, okay, girl. First of all, fabulous job. It took me back to my barn our days. When I took back the night, I felt the energy I felt. I was like, I'm going to make my breakfast or what.

Such an inside joke now and gets it, but it's a college thing. Anyways, love day, you really brought me back. You're both great. Ray Um, I agree. I was never a JT fan ever. Ever. I never found a hot I hated his super fucking hair. I literally never liked his music. I hate the troll soundtrack especially. I just called a law I really never liked him, and I never I also don't eeem like his wife. I'm just gonna put it out there. I find her talk about

a bland, fucking bitch. I'll say it for you because I'm on a no clock. We'll be here till three am. Now, Metro, We're gonna have a bit of a problem because until the all the Weinstein stuff came out. First of all, Argo was not that long ago? Was I think, what likewelve because a long ago for me, it's like chasing a ship like that's a while ago. But I'm also

old and I get it, girl, you're young. It's fine. Um, But I will say this, up until this whole Weinstein thing with the grabbing, which I was disgusting, I used to love Ben Affleck and to call him just physically everyone lacks, and to call him the ugliest Affleck is clearly not true. Casey is so fucking ugly? Are you literally kidding me? He is a wet sewer rat covered in drain hair. He's so horrible looking. Oh, he's awful and frankly, when Ben got fat again, I was excited

because maybe I thought I had a chance. And that's the end of my thing. But you both did great And now from Tyler Coates, this is this is a good matchup because of the subjects to pinnacles of mediocrity, of of people pretending to do something interesting, especially justin Timberlake, who is not funny and I don't know who's telling him he is, but they keep doing it and we're the victims here. Um, Ben i'slack again, I mean thinks

he's smart as dumb as ship. But again, I'm sorry kinda when he show when you saw dick and gone girl, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, it's tough. I'm real conflicted right now. It's a tough one, the very conflicted. But you know what I loved how the justice for Janet. I think it needs to come back. I think we need to talk about it more. The justice for not Argo, I mean, truly trash. So it's tough. It's a tough,

tough one. Clear the air for one second. I will say that he's dead to me, Ben Affleck in the past six months. But I'm just saying that it took about for me to get there. I just don't you know, Okay, we get it. It took a lot for everyone get I don't like him anymore. I used to really like him. It is time for the judgers to get to work. Here. The judgers are going to be asked for their vote in five four three two one, Please reveal Ray Ray Ray killed it. That was that was that was really

that was like a dead heat. This is a long awaited battle that's about to happen right now. This battle is a battle of the former Planet Hollywood Front of House staff. These two used to work at Planet Hire front or House staff. Now, let me tell you something, all week, in fact, all month on social media, I haven't seen dedication like this my team member. Right now, this is an unbelievably talented You're gonna go listen back to the last cultural episodes of this individual. You will

not be disappointed this. This is a motherfucker who knows culture. Everyone give it up for Tim Murray. Yes, yes, kiss us to his critics, Yes, who can as how much they cost? Yes? Ready for battle? Who do you have? Okay? Um, my teammate is someone who um really came and swept in and saved Tim's lame ass in the kitchen one time, Planet Hollywood Times square. Um. So I feel like Tim really owes this personal lot, that he is virtuosic in

his past. I don't think so. Honey's he was presciently reading to fill Kevin Spacey um talking about the movie, Uh what was it? Um? The usual suspects? He said, And I quote, if I wanted to listen to Kevin Spacey live for two hours, I'd ask him about the women he's fucked. Please, welcome to the stage, Michael Hartney, everybody, Michael, alright, okay, alright, so here we go. Tim, you're gonna be up first. You want to take center? Do you want to stay

planted like a tree? I want to stay planted like a tree. Okay, like a tree, he says, This is Tim Murray's I don't think so, honey. As time starts now, I don't think so, honey. My fifth grade bully, Brett Wagner, I'm the school bus. You had a bucket full of ring pops, which are a staple of food culture, and you gave one to every single kid on the bus except for the kid that was sitting alone reading a Sarah Michelle Gellar biography, and you screamed out Timmy Murray

doesn't get one because he's gay. Is being gay a bad thing? I don't think so. Candy everywhere. I can't walk to be without getting candy. And by Katy, I mean dick. And what are you? Brett? You're a business development manager in Sandusky, Ohio. You're bald and ship and somehow you're still hot, which is very upsetting to me.

Fifteen seconds our sisters were best friends. That could have been our legacy but you blew it, just like you blew the big football game your senior year of high school, and football was your identity anything worse than being bad at your own identity? H don't man, pope all right? Decorum, decorum, decorum, decorum, demotional work, emotional work. Yeah, I don't know. This like brings me back to the season nine finale of Drag Race, obviously, but like was that the rubric? I don't know. Why

are you pummiting right now? You're so when did? It's so annoying? No stunts, shut up. It's Michael turns. Alright, Michael Harney, take your space. I'm an immigrant. It is Michael Hartney's I don't think so, honey, and his time starts now. It's a sequel. I don't think so, honey. Brian Singer, Honey, you're next, bitch, You're next. You didn't get your throat fucking free for all if FIBA file pool parties and get away with it simply because you

helmed apt pupil. Bitch, You've done unforgivable shit, robbed young boys of their dignity, cast Kate Bosworth as low as Lane equivalent evils a bitch plus you spell Brian with a wall second, which, as we all know, is the stupid way, bitch. If you asked Brian Singer himself, if he was a cool person, he would take the past out drugged up under aage boy hooker cocked out of his mouth and said, I don't think so, honey. Five seconds, no stunts, just content done, just cond no love, donets content.

It's okay. We're good, We're good, We're done. There no decore, um, decore him. We've seen a real display. Some people. You're gonna go to Joel for feedback at this time? Wow? Um, where to begin? Um? But you're eating the ring pop. I am eating the ring pop. Please don't think that this has anything to do with who I will choose as a winner, but my own localood sugar. Um, Tim, that was not culture for me, um, Brett Wagner. Um,

I will say it was effective. The presentation uh, very reminiscent of again season nine of RuPaul's Drag Race, which if you were privy to my feelings on that wind, Um, if you were in the room in our house on Fire Island, as Bowen and Matt were, um, you might know that I am not a big fan of stunts. Um, I love a rule. Do you think that's helping his case? That's what I want to know. I will say, though, I love theatricality, um, and that is culture to me.

So I I turned now to Michael Hartney, a Broadway veteran, UM stalwart. You did give me culture, not content, or you did give me content not stunts. But I don't know. It was sort of like he did a Whitney song and you did a train ballot, you know. So I don't know where to go with this. I'm truly at a loss. Um. Alright, Michelle Collins, all right, well I'm gonna make this easy. I'm looking love stunts. I'm all big, dumb, fucking bitch. Okay, throw candy, amy, bummy kisses. I'm like,

who are you? I love it. I'm genuinely so dumb, so like, thank you. The answer is yes. And also as a former bully child, I also really spoke to me. Um. I was once pas to do the Roger Rabbit at my bus stop and I did it. So what I'm saying is I'm not proud and it was tough for me, but you were very, very funny. And then this Brian singer situation, Michael, I've been reading every you know what bothered me. I have to I love you, by the way, the energy is tight, love planting Hollywood. I used to

eat at the stage table. Remember there was one table on stage. I was like, I want to eat at that table. It was table seven seven table, literally like forty feet about the other tables. I was like that one, thank you delicious, the captain crunched chicken. Forget about it's delish. I love Bruce Willis merchandise, BacT to you. You we're great. But it was very serious. It's almost like two. It's hard for me to even laugh because he's so horrible

Brian's singer. And then watching you also like mind blowing. Um, I didn't love that. I'm being honest because it was a child's mine. It was a child mine. But I love you and I adore you. So you're adorable and let's drink after great great feedback from Michelle and Tyler. I've never been to a planet, Hollywood, and I feel like I'm missing out if that's what's going on. Yes, so good, so Hollywood. Yeah, so you agree with Michelle.

Very heavy topic important one and topical topical topic. Uh, yours was so effective and deeply emotional and and universal. I think we're all that bullied kid who would one day grow up and and pull a wig off and then throw literal blue blue mystery ringops. Love the mystery and I love blue. That's not again, that's not going to incree how I fall Um just giving all of my feedback as much as possible. Okay, amazing words. It sounded. It's gonna be a very tough decision that's about to

be made. But I am going to ask for that decision. And this is tough. These guys both killed um, let's get it. In three two one, the reveal is Tim Tim Timson. That wait, I would like to say really quickly, Tim, do not There's better be a Sasha Valoura, not a Peppermint. You had a stunt for round one. I want to see stunts and all the other rounds. That's culture right there. That was unbelieveh. I wouldn't give it up from Michael Hartney. Michael Hartney, and I'm going to stress it might not

be over yet for our eliminated contestants. Forever Dog. This has been a Forever Dog Production Executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.