Rest is a crucial part of life. Especially when we are stressed and things are busy. In this episode, Kate discusses rest as a radical act and rest as the foundation of productivity. 50% of Americans don’t take the vacation days they earn. 31 million earned vacation days are left unused by Canadians every year. What do we have against rest? Rest is crucial for regulating our nervous systems for optimism and joy, for memory formation, and for physical health. This episode is a call to nap, dawdle...
Oct 07, 2020•13 min•Ep. 43
Your Inner Sage is capable of handling every situation you might encounter. All you have to do is learn how to put it in charge. In this episode, Kate helps you get to know this very powerful part of your consciousness. We all have subpersonalities, parts of our personality that function independently. If you have ever had the experience where you felt like one part of you wanted to do something and another part of you wanted to do something entirely different, you have experienced these subpers...
Sep 30, 2020•10 min•Ep. 42
Many of our self-sabotaging behaviors are overactive responses to fear. In this episode, Kate describes the anatomy of fear and discusses how understanding that anatomy can help us learn more appropriate fear responses. When our threat response system is engaged, we can’t think straight. We act reactively and without thought. If our threat response system is badly calibrated, we behave badly. Many of our reactive behaviors have negative unintended consequences. In order to have more control over...
Sep 23, 2020•14 min•Ep. 41
We all belong exactly where we are, but we don’t always feel like we belong. In this episode, Kate describes a powerful way of increasing our felt sense of belonging. If we don’t feel like we belong, we struggle. It doesn’t matter whether we cognitively understand that we are a necessary part of all that is or how we fit in the systems that rely on us. If we don’t feel it, it isn’t real to us in a crucial way. This is even more true for those of us who are isolated from others for some reason. I...
Sep 16, 2020•9 min•Ep. 40
One powerful way to overcome the disruptive effects of fear is through commitment. In this episode, Kate discusses some ways to think about and work with commitment. Have you ever been so committed to something that no set-back was enough to stop you from trying? Heard stories of heroic rescues of children by their parents in the face of enormous dangers? Commitment is a powerful motivator. A strong enough commitment to something becomes the source of our boundaries, motivation, and creative pro...
Sep 09, 2020•15 min•Ep. 39
Emotions are messages from our non-cognitive intelligence about the state of our world and what actions we might want to take. We need to take them seriously, but we don’t want to be ruled by them. When we are infants, our behaviours are instinctive reactions to emotions. We do not have any information about how the world works so there is no point in slowing down to think about what is going on. As we mature, we learn how to relate to our emotions in a more conscious and self-directed way. In t...
Sep 02, 2020•18 min•Ep. 38
When life feels tough, it is more important than ever to have a practice of noticing the good that exists simultaneously. In every moment, there are good and bad things happening in the world. People naturally notice bad things more than good things. This can easily lead to a pessimistic outlook. Actively paying attention to the good things acts as a counterbalance. In this episode, Kate looks at why it is important to practice noticing the good stuff and offers some tools for finding optimism w...
Aug 26, 2020•19 min•Ep. 37
There are so many self-care tools to choose from. How do you decide how to spend your time? If you understand which neurotransmitter is involved in the mood or experience you are trying to shift, it is easier to decide. Different neurotransmitters mediate different emotional and behavioral subsystems. And different interventions affect different neurotransmitters. So when you are planning an intervention or a habit change, knowing which system is involved can help you decide what will have the g...
Aug 19, 2020•20 min•Ep. 36
It is one thing to be mindful and compassionate when things are calm, but how do we stay open and loving when the world is exploding around us? In this episode, Kate provides some ideas for practicing mindfulness in action. Most of us have heard by now that mindfulness creates calm and allows us to stay non-reactive, but few of us have time to sit and meditate. In fact, the people who benefit from mindfulness the most typically have the hardest time sitting still. Kate’s personal experience with...
Aug 12, 2020•16 min•Ep. 35
One of the easiest ways to improve relationships is to celebrate each other’s joy whether we understand it or not. Sympathetic joy is the joy we feel when others' experience joy. We delight that they are delighted. We celebrate on their behalf. When we are in the habit of celebrating other people’s successes and good fortune on their behalf, we increase our own experience of joy and reduce jealousy. But more than that, celebrating another’s joy when you don’t understand it is a wonderful way of ...
Aug 05, 2020•18 min•Ep. 34
We can get cut off from our natural compassionate natures because we didn’t know how to handle the tenderness. In this episode, Kate provides some tools for rekindling your compassion and managing the associated vulnerability. Compassion for self and others is a key component of relationships that last. Although it is often said that one cannot love another without first loving oneself, it is often through loving another that one learns how to love at all. In this episode, Kate shares some tools...
Jul 29, 2020•16 min•Ep. 33
How can you create the elegant simplicity and ease of grace when things are busy, complicated, or stressful? Grace looks effortless. How can we maximize our sense of our own lives as elegant, generous, calm, and dignified? In this episode, Kate introduces the concept of the Physicality of Grace, one of the major principles of InterPlay, a fun and playful way of accessing the wisdom of the body. She then offers a way of creating more grace in your life and invites you to become a Grace Operative ...
Jul 22, 2020•13 min•Ep. 32
What can you do when lack of motivation to get started is stopping you from reaching your goals? When people aren’t meeting their goals because they are getting in their own way, there are several places they can get stuck. They may not know what to do differently. They may not be able to find the motivation to get started. They may need to develop some new or better skills. They may have trouble sticking with the process. Many people come to coaching thinking they need help figuring out what to...
Jul 15, 2020•14 min•Ep. 31
Too often, when we try to help people it doesn’t go well. We may not understand why they don’t take our feedback or advice. We feel unappreciated. Frequently, they feel patronized. In this episode, Kate offers an alternative approach. When we help others, we often inadvertently create drama. Sometimes merely offering help creates drama. And this is despite the fact that we often have excellent intentions. When we offer to help someone, we are implying that we are superior to them in some way. We...
Jul 08, 2020•21 min•Ep. 30
Kate shares 4 tools for quickly calming the emotional storm provoked by a crisis so you can avoid becoming paralyzed, or overreactive and can act with courage and clarity. When a sudden challenge arrives in our lives, most of us compartmentalize our emotions, act out, or freeze. If we compartmentalize our feelings and deal with the crisis without feeling them, we can maintain a level of control that allows us to handle the crisis. We will need to release the emotions provoked by the situation at...
Jul 01, 2020•11 min•Ep. 29
If we are afraid of being overwhelmed by our feelings, we avoid feeling them, at great cost to our mental health and our effectiveness. If we are not in the habit of feeling our feelings all the way to completion and letting them pass through us, they get stuck in our bodies. Unreleased feelings create a sense of pressure within us. When we start to feel some of our feelings, that pressure can push feelings from our past out in great waves of emotion. If we are afraid of not being able to contai...
Jun 24, 2020•20 min•Ep. 28
When we are able to observe ourselves as if from the perspective of an external witness, we are able to speed up our growth and personal development. In this episode, Kate shares tips on how to develop this inner power of self-observation. Without the ability to observe ourselves clearly, we cannot gain enough perspective to determine whether we have the skills we need to accomplish our goals or whether we are being the person we want to be. Developing our internal self-observer is a crucial sta...
Jun 17, 2020•18 min•Ep. 27
Stress needs to be managed, strain needs to be reduced, and trauma needs to be healed. In this episode, Kate discusses the differences between stress, strain, and trauma. When you understand the difference between them, you can quickly assess what techniques to use to handle various challenging situations.
Jun 10, 2020•19 min•Ep. 26
When we are overextended and want to give up or can't get motivated, there are some gentle, easy things we can do to help get us moving again. In times of stress, it is common to have lots of focused momentum, to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated, or to swing between both. There are two primary brain circuits that are responsible for those cycles. In thie episode, Kate discusses the difference between an adrenaline crash and the desire to quit that comes from the neuragenic system. She offers too...
Jun 03, 2020•25 min•Ep. 25
Having fun is more important than ever when things get rough. Here are some tips on enjoying the journey while minimizing unintended negative long-term consequences. How can you find fun without ignoring the real challenges in this time? Many of the easy ways people have fun when they are stressed bring short-term relief and have negative long-term consequences. How can we play and have fun in ways that minimize unintended negative consequences? How can we balance our needs for safety and contro...
May 27, 2020•14 min•Ep. 24
Extreme resilience is created through the consistent use of a few teachable and learnable skills. Resilience is the art of bouncing back from stress. Extreme resilience is the art of growing stronger as a result of stress. How can we become stronger through our encounters with adversity? How can the challenges of living through a pandemic be used as a springboard for becoming a better version of yourself? Resources mentioned in this episode: Extreme Resilience Toolkit Emergency Stress Relief Pro...
May 20, 2020•15 min•Ep. 23
Are you finding it harder than usual to give others the benefit of the doubt? Are you judging yourself or others for being overly cautious or overly reckless? This is normal. When people feel threatened or afraid, we tend to judge others more harshly. Fear brings out our self-protective behaviours, for good and bad. The COVID-19 pandemic threatens all of us. We are all afraid and functioning with less information than we want. We must rely on experts or make decisions that we feel unqualified to...
May 13, 2020•15 min•Ep. 22
Whatever you are feeling is okay. There is no way you SHOULD be feeling. You feel how you feel and there is wisdom and value in whatever you feel. Are you feeling slightly guilty because the challenges of living with a pandemic are pulling out the best of you? Are you disappointed because you are finding it hard to see the positive? Are you irritable and cranky and sick of your grumbling? Whatever you are feeling is okay. There is no way you SHOULD be feeling. You feel how you feel and there is ...
May 06, 2020•10 min•Ep. 21
Kate presents a simple approach to keeping things as positive as possible when people are irritable. Irritability can create more stress in a relationship if it isn't managed well. When people are irritable, they respond less well to everything. Irritability is a sign of stress and anxiety. A generous response to irritability creates compassion and deepens intimacy. You probably can't make them less irritable, at least not immediately, but you can help things go as smoothly as possible. This one...
Apr 29, 2020•15 min•Ep. 20
When the future is wildly uncertain, planning is difficult. How can we maximize our ability to take advantage of opportunities and minimize our exposure to risk? Kate presents an approach to planning that can be used to navigate rapid change with maximum ease. Kate presents an approach to planning that minimizes exposure to risk and maximizes the ability to take advantage of unexpected opportunities. Mentioned in this episode: Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder by Nicholas Nassim Taleb ...
Apr 22, 2020•20 min•Ep. 19
When you are stressed or anxious and can't spare time for a lengthy calming process, you need an emergency stress relief process. Many stress management techniques assume you have at least 15 minutes to spare. But what if you have only got a minute or two? What can you do to reduce stress rapidly? In this episode, Kate teaches the four elements of a whole person approach to stress management and how to scale it for use whether you have 40 seconds or 40 minutes.
Apr 15, 2020•12 min•Ep. 18
With all the changes happening in the world, many people are questioning their ability to successfully adapt and thrive in the new world. In this episode, Kate talks about the natural human capacity for adapting to change and offers a practice to enhance your natural flexibility. You are a human being. This means that you are naturally wired to learn from circumstances and adapt to any environment. This is a capability that exists throughout our lifetimes. We can learn tools to enhance our natur...
Apr 08, 2020•18 min•Ep. 17
Kate shares a process for making decisions when we can't predict the future. These tips will help you be adaptable and flexible and maximize your ability to act from your creativity rather than your fear. When we can't predict the future, we can't predict how our decisions will turn out, but we still need to make decisions. In this episode, Kate talks about how to make skillful decisions under these circumstances. Using this process keeps us acting in alignment with our values and purpose despit...
Apr 01, 2020•15 min•Ep. 16
When the world and the future are uncertain, we need tools to find a sense of control and agency. In this episode, Kate shares a crucial tool for gaining a sense of control in any circumstance. For people who are used to being able to influence the people and systems around them, learning how to feel secure and competent when their lives get disrupted is particularly challenging. Similarly, people who feel like they are just barely holding things together can be overwhelmed when things change fa...
Mar 25, 2020•17 min•Ep. 15
Many people are anxious these days. In this episode, Kate explains why anxiety and depression often occur as a cycle and how to break the cycle and use anxiousness as the springboard for increasing our self-actualizing potential. Combining the five elements of thriving, the theory of posttraumatic growth, and an understanding of the relationship between aliveness, anxiety, and depression, Kate presents a way of thinking about anxiousness and numbness that offers hope. She articulates the skills ...
Mar 18, 2020•19 min•Ep. 14
