[MUSIC]
Hello world, this is Just Being Intentional. My name is Thomas Harris. There's a lot of shows you can be listening to right now, but you're taking the time to hang out with us, and we greatly appreciate it. This is my first interview with an actual guest. My first show was just myself sharing my story. But for my first guest, I wanted to bring in a brother mine. When I say brother, I mean brother in arms.
He's served in the military, United States Marine Corps, and also a fellow member of Merging Vets and Players. His name is Yves Cachuela… did I pronounced that correctly? yeah, you said it like a robot though. Yves! My man, U.S. Marine Corps, let's go. How you say it? Oorah, how you guys say it? Oorah. I've heard it too many times. I just get tired. I just kind of drown it out. But welcome to the show brother. I appreciate you coming on. It's a pleasure to have you here.
Thanks for having me here. You know, the just of the show is we're just having people on and they're just sharing their stories. Stuff they've overcome, what got to them to where they are today. And just life experiences, we want to try to encourage people to just kind of keep going with their lives and share some positive moments, share some stuff that's been incredibly difficult. But it's your story. I didn't write it for you.
But I wanted to bring you on because I thought you would be a great guy to have one to just help the rest of us to learn to understand people better in our lives. But with that being said, what's your story? Like where did you come from, share some pivotal moments in your life that have shaped who you are today? Let's kind of start from the beginning. Where are you from? Where did you grow up? I was born in the Philippines, born in a mud hut, My birth certificate is just a piece of paper.
And it's handwritten notes, not a real birth certificate. But that's how it was back in the days, in the 80’s But, yeah, I was born in the Philippines. And then came here to America, uh, my grandfather, fighting the war with MacArthur, actually. And he was actually MacArthur's guide during the war. And after his service or after they left, he was like, hey, you want to bring your family over? So he just brought the whole family over to America. And that's how we got there.
How old were you at that time? I was two years old at that time. Two years old? Yeah. And then we resided in San Francisco. Stayed there for about up to my teenager years from like late '80s to 2004 after 9/11. Wow. So you don't have very much-- you don't have a lot of memory about the Philippines, obviously, since you've been here since you were two. Well, I go there, vist and stuff. And I see the poverty. And then the way it's upgrading itself, like with infrastructure and roads and pavement.
Because when I came there, I was like seven or eight. The airship was a dirt. I guess not even a runway. There's no asphalt. It was dirt. And then the next time I went there, it was like 13 years old. they had some-- they had pavement, little upgrades, that you can see it developed is from jungle to like city. So that was pretty cool to see. So yeah, like I said earlier, can you share a pivotal moment in your life that made you who you are today?
During that time, when I met my wife, I was already 16, going on 17, and I was already-- I was into the gang sh-t I was already on house arrest. Not only that, we're really changed that is that when I got my girlfriend pregnant, which is now my wife. And then that dawned on to, like, do I want to be a statistic, with nothing to show for it there's not like a legacy to show the kid. So I'm like, you know, I need to-- I need to man up and make sure-- that's when I decided to join the military.
What I wanted to change, myself, is like — to grow up. And then stop hanging out with the same people that I hang out with. And that was the biggest change because I changed my life. Because I see them now, my old friends, and they're still doing the same thing. That's who I grew up in. You know, I'm like, I'm glad that I made that choice. It was my ego that got me. So I went to the recruiters office where you just like, maybe Marine, Army, so on, so forth.
So they all offered me a bonus, a signing bonus, $5,000, $10,000 a year, and like, I'll join whatever. And then the ring recruiter looked at me, and I was wearing like, you know, baggy pants, you know, tall tee, like a snap back. And he was like, you ain't gonna make it. And that's what he said. He said I was gonna make it. And I was like --- I went with him. I did their PT became like a-- it's called, preparing for MEPS and all that stuff.
And I was like, later down the road in hindsight, I was like, that's how that mother --- Got me to join the Marine Corp was to say that I wasn't gonna make it. I can relate to that experience of, you know, join the military because you have to come to the awareness that I need to change because my life is pretty much going nowhere and is going there fast. And you have to make a drastic change to the trajectory of your life.
And I'm grateful for the military for allowing me the capacity to move forward and away from my old life. So I can definitely relate to that. And I said before, and I say it many times, is that there's one defining moment in your life where it changes everything from there. For me, that was deciding to join the military. And I'm sure that's the same thing for you because you just shared that.
You said why you joined the Marines and someone like challenged your ego, and that's probably what it was, right? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Because everyone else was giving me box of chocolate and candy, you know, like you want a bonus? And I was like, I'll take it with-- Just him, man, he was just like, just look at me and say, I wasn't gonna make it. Simple. How many years did you serve? I did six. Six years. So at first, I was a marty operator. So I was driving trucks around.
I was pretty much like the taxi. But then I let move to machine gunner. I went to the infantry because we were-- Mortity was just with the infantry all the time because we were transporting them. It's found in-- We're just doing exactly what they're doing. So that we have licenses for drive trucks. So I'm like, might as well do it. So I went full fledged machine gunner, and then I returned to my unit, and then I became the machine gunner for my unit instead of the driver.
But they said it was a good thing for them on their side because if someone can't drive, if I'm there, I could just drive four. Where were you deployed? To Iraq. Yeah, that's one to Iraq two times, one, no six. Just the end of-- Apollegia. And then my next one was in 2009. So how would you describe that experience going to Iraq? Was it pretty rough? So here's my story for that. It's because it was eye-opener.
Because when we left, we went to Germany, then food from Germany took away to Iraq and pushed to Iraq. When we were in Kuwait, it was a blue sky, like, clear as day. Then we left that night, went on the AC-130s, and went to Iraq, and when we sit ground in Iraq, I'll tell you the guess where. Like, it was just lightning storm, like thunder and lightning. And we came out of the AC-130, and the flight deck dude was just like, run. I was like, why? So he's just lightning. So that's not lightning.
That's motor rounds. I'm like, oh, and we just started running to the fucking bunker. And that was my introduction to Iraq. And I was like, damn dudes, I mean, got stuck out of the plane yet. And stuff was already going off. And I thought it was just the storm. Me being a Navy submarine guy, you know, I've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of what I call real-life GI Joe's guys like yourself, several other MVP members.
People that had actually been to war, they've been in Iraq, I've got to stand. They've shot at people, people've shot at them. They've seen things blow up around them. They've held some of their best friends in their arms as they gave their last breath. So I've always commended you guys for what you've endured. And I used to think a little less of myself because I was just on a submarine. I just did circles and dunking and diving and doing fire drills, flood drills, stuff like that.
So I used to kind of cheapen my experience because I wasn't actually seeing action. But I had to learn that I took the same oath as you guys did. We all took the same oath. And in that oath, whatever it takes, it doesn't matter if I go to war or not. I'm actually pretty fortunate that I didn't go to war because with war comes with a lifetime of just battling in your mind and overcoming those dark moments that you had the experience firsthand.
So I'm grateful for that, but I don't have the same struggles that some that have been in the battle have. I can be that advocate, that friend for them and at least be an ear. So it's encouraging for me to meet guys like yourself and to be a friend to you. We're in the brotherhood, so we're connected for life just based off of that. I appreciate you, brother. - Here's how I put it. It's like, I know you're downgraded, but you're service, but like you're still doing what you gotta do.
And if something were pop up, you were there to go go and ho and help out on the fight if we had to. So I see it as those who shed blood would mean the battlefield forever. My brother, that's what I hold on to. - Thanks, man. Can you share a story about you and your wife really encapsulates your journey together so far? Like, how long have you been with her? - Oh man. We've been together total 18 years, but we've been married for five, 15.
Yeah, man, we've a lot of ups and downs that we were high school swing arts, like we knew each other's ins and outs, the bad stuff, the good stuff, you know, like sometimes more bad than good, but we were also trying to mature at the same time and see what we could do to help each other. And it was really hard. It was really hard after a graduate college, actually, because my goal was to have kids after I graduated.
The only reason why I said I had to graduate college is because I wanted to invest my time to the kids. I don't want to be out in school and just not having any help, like, not wanna be there because I truly believe that if, like, you have kids, like, at least dedicate a lot of the time to them. Yeah, you gotta work, but then like, if I could control me spending time with them, then I would do that.
Being married is one of the greatest things you can do in life, but it can also be one of the hardest things you'll ever do in life. And adding children to the mix just makes it that more complicated. But what I came to understand and I'm still working through is that when you make the choice to get married and start a family, your life is not about you anymore. It's not about you and you being in your feelings. It's about doing what you signed up to do.
So sometimes I don't feel like loving my wife or loving my kids the way they deserve it. And that's when I'm in my feelings. I'm like, I gotta get over myself because it's part of the deal. The husband, the father is sacrificing for his family. They're number one priority on this earth. And as long as you have them, they can unfortunately be taken away from you. But while they're there, you are solely responsible for them. Yeah, marriage. Let me tell you when I'm on my bottom alone.
So let me back up to one of the things that was most important to me is that I was a machine gunner, right? And I was always part of a team. I was always part of a fire team. I was always part of Guardian Angel, like Watch Me Bover Watch. I'm being subversifired. So it's like I'm always with a team of guys. And then we always communicated. And that was the camaraderie, the brotherhood. And that was the biggest thing I couldn't let go after leaving the military. So I felt alone.
Like I didn't have any purpose. I was like, what do I do? No one wants a machine gunner as a friend in the civilian world. So it's like trying to assimilate to the civilian life something that is not relatable to the civilians itself. So it's really hard to connect. Not only that, I had PTSD. And I was still dealing with trauma that I was still facing. And then I was in denial. Like, what got me help was my mom, my mom's. So my mom said, my son left to our rack, but he never came back.
That's why my mom said, and I was like, damn, that's-- I can't hurt. Because that tells me that she sees me. But I'm that same person. You know, got me to the heart. I got to go to this mental health. I got to see B-Valley-Witted check on. Like, tell my mind when they added to it this way. You know, I used to kind of learn myself. Right. I like to use analogies a lot. And being a movie guy, I love to use movies as analogies. You seen back to the future? Yeah. Of course we had.
So you'd be surprised if people haven't seen it. There's the part where Marty goes to the future. And then he returns back to 1985. But when he returns, it's not the same 1985 that he was used to. It was an alternative 1985. Right. And it was a world that he didn't recognize because it was happy and sunny and shiny and all that stuff. But then it was dark.
That analogy for me makes me think of those of us that have served, especially those that have really been in it, really deep into that military lifestyle where everything is pretty much the same every day. For many years that you've served. But then you come back and the world that you left is completely different. Like they moved ahead while you were still kind of in this bubble of that lifestyle that you only recognized. You were really involved in.
And I think that's part of the struggle that some of us veterans have is that transition back to the world that we left before, whether it was right after high school or a few years later, after four, eight, 10, 20 years, it's like it's not the same world. They've kind of moved on, you know, you weren't there. So you have to decide like, am I going to be a part of this new world or am I going to just pretend like it's supposed to be the way it used to be?
That's a good transition into talking about what's on your shirt right there, emerging vets and players. MVP is a transition program for military veterans and former professional athletes to bring back the brotherhood, the team that we all used to share when we were active duty and those athletes that were part of the locker room that have to move on and try to figure out what else they are supposed to do in this world. So in that transition for you, how did you discover MVP?
The story will go full circle. MVP literally saved my life, I would say. And definitely showed me love that other organizations have been, and I'm explaining. Because like I said, once I left the military, I lost my purpose, I lost my team. I don't have a team anymore. And then so I was constantly looking for a team. And so I've joined different organizations like the VFLVU Solzers Project, RWB, what else? Wounded Warriors Project, I joined all of them, right?
And then I came to notice that like, each organization is like, you do a gathering, and it would be different people every time. I always have to create a new team, I could create a new connection, but I was like, why can't I just be that I've met the first time? And that's why it's like losing a team again, that made me more depressed. I was like, what's my purpose? While in college, I found a good team that was sustainable until I graduated. I was the president of a veteran fraternity in CSOM.
What we did was help veterans go through college the easy way instead of the hard way. And also being around other veterans to kind of have our own little community in the college itself. And my goal was just to help every single one come back to the real world. And I know that's different now, but you just have to adjust. Like we just have to adapt.
The worst experience I've had being a president is that in November 7, 2008, a veteran named Ian Long, Rincler veteran, he's the one that shot up the dozen folks, a borderline bar, killing 13 people, and then they killed himself. That right there was a-- it gave us a black eye in the veteran community because they're like, what the paper said was, oh, he was from CSOM. And there's a veteran fraternity group. He must be part of them. This is their problem. Like, you need to hone on to them.
So I had to write a letter and say to him, look, I tried to help him. There was such a sad tear. But he didn't want to receive my help. And then at the same time, I'm like, he was an associate with my renunciation to see he didn't want the help. But in my back, my mind was like, managed to write harder to help him. But yeah, that gave us a black eye. And then so I had to do something. What I did was I orchestrated a 5K, and I made all the proceeds.
Any money that we made, we put it to veterans mental health and their families. And I partnered up with Soljush Project. And I literally get, we made close to 5,000. And then I just gave all that money to them. It's like, hey, give it to veterans and families. Like, to suffer you. That was, I mean, that was like, I felt good doing that because it shows that I'm trying to make us look good in the civilian world. And to the college, because they saw us as like, like bad people, bro.
Like, they didn't want their associate, anything with us. They didn't want to invite us to like social gatherings because like being an infotainer, you're supposed to socialize with other sororities and fraternities. They didn't invite us. They thought you were crazy. Yeah, they thought like, as you were all crazy. Yeah. And so then like, I had to do something to make you like, look, this is one bad apple. We're not all like that. No, I mean, yeah, that's stigma. That's 5K.
And then not only that, like, I did, I wound up everything. So we did the most volunteer hours, most community service, with the most involvement in school. And we were the number one of fraternity in that school at CSUN from 2018 to 2019 when I was president. So like, I made sure that I solidified that we did good. We helped those community and we don't look at it as like crazy. We're also human. Right. When you came to MVP, I got to hear your story.
You shared your story and it was very powerful. Oh, yeah. Which was, you know, there's more to it. But I wanted, that's why I wanted to have you on the show because it was powerful. And you had brought something and you showed the people there that night. Can you tell us what that was? Oh, yeah. Well, that was so I was going right to that. So after I graduated, me losing my team, like, once I graduated, you know, I don't have fraternity brothers and sisters.
I do have a mouthline, but like, you know, I don't see them as everyday because I'm at the school. Then I just felt depressed. And then like my wife and I were trying to have a baby. Like she couldn't, couldn't get pregnant. It was like it took a year. And then now our communication was shit. Like everything was just going down the drain, like being depressed and like, like, secluding myself. Like, don't want to go outside. Just just being in my head. Isolation. Yeah. Isolation.
And then what was worse is like, like, while my wife can't get pregnant, like, so she can't have kids. Like, that was my goal is to have kids and pretty just good legacy for my kids instead of like, you know, my old life. Like this new life that I have now is way better to offer for them. And that couldn't even get a kid to share that with in the parking lot. And I had my, my M9. And I was like, I tried to off myself. And now once twice I show you the views. Are they going to see this photo too?
Yes. Okay. Cool. Thank you. So I racked it and then I shot it. I re-racked it and then I shot it again and it clicked. And then this, this was the two. I think you can see it. The two does. So and it didn't go off. And yeah, man. So I tried to take my life twice and, um, it's not. Yeah. So, but after I did, I did that and nothing happened. Like, I just went back home. Like, nothing happened. And I didn't even tell her what I did. And then, um, and then it was like a week or two later.
She, uh, we went to the doctors to check on her belly. It showed that we had twins. In my mind, I processed it as I tried to take my life twice and God said, you know what? I'll give you two more, two more lives, uh, four years. So they gave me twins and they just think God has a crazy sense of humor, you know. Yeah. I remember vividly when you shared those two duds, um, you said after a second one, you said, maybe I'm not supposed to do this. Yeah. Pretty much. You were absolutely correct.
You were not supposed to do that. Yeah. Suicide is hard for me as well. I shared on my first episode about my dad, you know, taking his own life. He was successful in that. But, you know, I don't think I shared that I had, I definitely forgave my dad for what he did, even though I thought that he cheated his family by, by leaving his world, you know, voluntarily. But, um, I've done my business with God through that.
And, uh, I definitely forgive my dad because, you know, he didn't know any better and he didn't reach out, you know, and this is important for us to know that we have to reach out because we can't do life by ourselves. So, um, yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. So, uh, transitions when we talk about the twins, um, it's been a rough, rough go with the twins. Is that right?
Yeah. This is when I already met you guys at MVP after I, I tried to three more weeks after that, after we found out that there were twins. I was already with you guys. And I started sharing it with you guys and it was like, you guys had nothing but love and support for me.
And, um, even when we found a diagnosis of Kaya, like she was on the ultrasound, they could see that she was missing her cleft lip and palate and her brain was, uh, underdeveloped and she was already missing her leg and then, um, and missing some of her fingers. So then like, and I expressed that to you guys and you guys said nothing but love. And the best part of it was, is that it was never, it was never like new faces. It was just like the same constant.
Like the normal, you know, that's what I wanted like a team once I clock in. It was a little scary, you know? And that's what I loved about MVP's because they, they were consistent and then, and they were true to that because like, because they had their organization and every, if then I went to, it's just like different people every time I had to build new connections, build that got the work for friendship. But instead of it, MVP's just like, we were just family.
As soon as we said hi, it was just like that. And that's why I've been charging here in the Nashville area to get something going here because I believe in the program. The love and respect I have for my peers in our, our organization, you know, I want to keep that going.
I want to just make sure people know that they have a family and that they are welcome, despite what they, but their battles are, what their demons are, you know, we want to provide a safe place for people to come and just continue to share their stories and be a part of a community like you once were before. And I feel like you're, you're an outcast and no one can understand you. You know, we all have a relatability factor and that's the winning formula for us. But it's all about community.
Again, back to the twins. You have one that has some, some parents. Yes. Which she was diagnosed with is, listen, Seth Lee, micro Seth Lee, see that, actually, she has hyperthyroidism, she has a cleft lip and palate missing, she had an antibiotic bad syndrome on her fingers. They were agitated. They're actually the, they've done the local cord well, so wrapped around her neck. So her brain was it fully developed. So there was like an indent of where on her forehead.
Yeah, there was a, there's a lot of things wrong with what happened was that her DNA sequence, the DNA, like, or maybe whatever they, they match, but they match incorrectly. And then it just did that. It just multiplied from there. And it just got worse and worse and worse. And like I said earlier, you know, marriage being as hard as it is, that's just added stress on your relationship with your wife. You're trying to be strong.
You're trying to be the supportive husband, but you're going through it just like she is. But you've been a marine also, you know, you're trained to just toughen up butter cup and not show any signs of weakness. Yeah. So how does that all play in that? For me, it was a lot of thinking, a lot of logical thinking and how to make things better for everyone else. So I would, I would make the decisions for my, for my wife. So she wouldn't have to, she wouldn't have to make those hard decisions.
Like I would invest my time into like, how can I make her comfortable? And how can I make Kaya my daughter comfortable and just learning about her disabilities and just feed off from her emotion? Because obviously she can't communicate or my daughter can communicate. So I just have to go through it with her, you know, and be at the moment. But at the same time, I put all of my time onto Kaya and I didn't pour any time for the other one, which I've kind of regret.
But at the same time, I don't regret because Kaya passed and I'm glad that I spent all that time with her. But at the same time, like I didn't spend I kind of the week, the other one, you know, and that's else busy about it because like it would be too, it's always that. I'm going to play, I'm like, I'm watching sister, I'm going to make sure your sister's safe. And then I'll just put her off, you know, and not I think about it. I should not have done that. Yeah. Right.
I just want to encourage you, you still have time, brother. She's what three years old. She's three. She's three. So it's been what two or three months since Kaya passed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I remember seeing your stories on Instagram and I didn't add no idea. So I wanted to make sure I reached out to you when I heard the news. But I'm going to keep praying for you for all that you've been going through. And just encourage you to keep going for you and your family.
So 2020 was the motivation, if you will, for this show with all the events that were happening in 2020. It was a rough time for a lot of people. What was it like for you as we close? It was chaotic, I'll say. Here's how I would say it. Kaya was in the hospital for six months straight. So it was just me going back and forth from Lancaster to Tristan's Hospital and that's about like a 50 mile drive right back and forth. So with COVID around since no one was out, like the freeway was free.
And I was just speeding right through going to the hospital within like 30 minutes. And that was helpful for me to get to her as quickly as possible. But if there was no COVID, it would take me an hour to have two hours out of the plan. But COVID helped me to get to her. That's kind of a blessing in disguise. Well, before we go, I like to, because the show is called just being intentional, what is it that you feel that you need to be more intentional about?
Like the things that you know you're supposed to do, you just got to just get it done, get her done. Actually, I just had a conversation with my wife about this is that I'm going to be more intentional about how to prepare her for the challenges that she's going to face throughout life. Like, for example, how to value herself, how to cope, how to use logic, not her emotion, and how to listen to understand and not listen to respond. And make sure she has self care.
And I'm trying to, my intentional values, I would say is like building a structure and the foundation with discipline respect and empathy. That's great, man. I think all of us could use a little more intentionality in our lives these days. The days are hard and we just have to be intentional about being intentional. Yeah, it's also keeping me accountable for my actions also because I have to prove it's show her the right way.
And I can't be the one messing up and then like, well, you say that that you do things like helps you know, to be right, right, and have integrity. Yeah, I appreciate you coming on and sharing your story with us. Always good to talk to you. I don't want you to shy away from reaching out if you ever need someone to chat with. I'm here for you, brother. And I'll try to be mindful that to just keep checking on you myself. It's been a while. I'm glad we connected again, but let's keep them moving.
And I'll keep you updated on what's going on with MVP or in the Nashville area. But I thank you, brother. I'll be continually praying for you and love you very much, man. You should, too. You're in your family. Thank you. Okay. All right, man. Good chat with you. Talk to you soon. Let me see, man. Hey, before we go, I wanted to make mention that he says a GoFundMe for his daughter. Can you tell us what that GoFundMe pages?
The GoFundMe pages for her medical expenses and medical bills that were received and for the funeral. So her funeral cost about 6,800 and then her hospitalization bills and her insurance bills coming in. They're starting to call us. They want another 8 grand. We're like, do we do payments? They're like, no, they want to lump some. I don't know why they want to lump some, but I've been trying to pay them a little by little. It's just almost like 8 grand. It's like 14 G's that have to pay.
It's hard, dude. Not only that, I've tried to agree, but at the same time, it's like, I'm healthy. Right. That's the justice. It's for her medical bills and her funeral. And so that we can just grieve healthy, you know? Right. Well, to the audience, this man has fought for this country bravely. No veteran deserves to go through any suffering, especially suffering and silence. So if you're listening to the show, you feel so led to contribute to this GoFundMe page and honor of his daughter, Kaya.
This family needs your support. So why don't you go and tell us what the page is. How can they get in? The best way to find it is literally, you can spell her name. That'll be easier. It's going to be K-A-Y-A-H. And the first couple pages that you'll see is going to be her. She's still one. I'm holding the babies. What the book in my arms. It helps. K-A-Y-A-H. Yeah, K-A-Y-A-H. Absolutely. We'll see what we can do. All right. Love you, man. Love you guys. See you, bro. See you, bro.
Love you, man. Love you guys. See you, bro. [Music]