ReWives ReRant: What Happens in the Tub…

saying that that's her thing. And I'm crying. First of all, when I go to a hotel for years, it's been a requirement that the hotel room has to have a bathtub, and I've sometimes forgotten and I get there and there's only a shower, and I'm really disappointed, Like I kind of want to move rooms because I like to take a bath, particularly like you're relaxing, you're about to do an appearance, you're in a different city. You want to put your hair up in a clip, not get your

hair wet, and take a relaxing bath. I am a big bather, and some people are freaked out by bathers. I'm a bather. People freaked out Which're like in your own water, And then people say you have like rent out before after I'm a bather, and I just got a new apartment in New York City that has two

and a half bathrooms. But the bathroom in my bedroom only has a shower, a gorgeous, stunning shower, but doesn't have a bathtub, which drives me nuts because I have to go into the other room, which is like a flex room, but it's really my daughter's room when we're there, and so now I'm having to go into that room

to take a bath. But I'm laughing because like people or Teresa, you know, want to like own the bathtub thing, which is like a lot of people in the world want to go to a hotel and take a bath. And it's reminding me of back when I was on Housewives, when I read skinny girl red was a thing and people used to wear red. I used to tell them

to wear red to the signings. They used to come to my signings and everybody would be wearing red and it was like a tone of red and it was skinny girl red and like I owned the color red, which is because I didn't own the color red, but

like I, it was skinny girl red. So then years later Ramona copied that and would wear this color blue, like wear this dress blue or have things that were blue, and she'd like call it blue, but if someone else wore the color, she would say, like, there, it's my thing. It's Ramona blue. And it just makes me laugh because it's so stupid and it's so housewives to like care about a color and care about a bathtub and care about owning something that's so dumb and doesn't matter. And

it's like housewives want to own everything. They want to own a trip, like we're going away and you know, and we're going to Jamaica and it's this gorgeous house and housewives will club each other for it to be like their house. It was a big fight between Romona and Derinda on this Miami trip because Ramona was like owning the trip and she knew someone who knew someone

whose house it was. But all of this is bullshit because the producers found the house, but like they know the name of the guy whose house it is, and I guess like someone happened to know the guy, so then that person is like, well wait a second, I know them, or like it was us going to the Mayflower this place in Connecticut for Luan's like post rehab trip when she got out after she got arrested, and like I had suggested it, but I guess Derenda also

suggested it, or she suggested it first, or she had been there before, or like who fucking cares? Like what's wrong with us? What's wrong with people? Like who fucking ca who cares? What viewer gives a shit? That is Derenda gonna get an extra prize? I went there one time, I like, got a massage there. Now I own the fucking place, Mayflower like who cares? Like I It's like so insecure. I've want to own something that doesn't matter that you don't really own. Well, no, I know my friend,

my friend's cousin went there one time. I got a massage, so it was my idea. It's like everyone wants the credit for something that literally doesn't matter and it doesn't matter what it is. It's like Vicky wants the credit for being the first one of the first series. You know, I was an og Sonya. It drives Sonya nuts that she wasn't an og because she didn't come till the second season or maybe and then Kelly came in the third season. But like they want to pretend that they're OG's,

but like who cares? Who cares? Portia was an iconic housewife, so is Phador. They weren't OG's. Brandy was a good housewife, Like it doesn't matter. It's so incredibly stupid. Erica Jane is like a diva housewife. She wasn't an OG. What is it? Tamera? But like it bothers them that they weren't an original OG. It's like so incredibly stupid, the things that people want to lift their dog legs and

urinate over because they don't matter. So owning a color, owning a spa, owning a trip, owning the housewives, you know, Nini was one of the originals. Like none of this stupid stuff matters. And that's so housewives for everyone to care about things that don't matter. Speaking of houswise, I saw Sonya a couple of nights ago at Ryan Murphy's screening slash premiere of his show coming out on FX

and Hulu called Feud Capodi Versus the Swans. Diane Lane is in it, Chloe seven Ye, Demi Moore, Callista Flockhart. I think Emma Roberts is in it. I saw her at the premiere it is amazing this thing. So Ryan Murphy has for his shows over fifty Emmys combined, three hundred nominations. He is such a legend, so iconic, and

he's produced this show. I went to the first premiere years ago for the Feud and Jessica Lang and Susan Sarandon were in that one, and it was like over the iconic and true feud between I think it was Betty Davis and I forget who fade done away? And now this is like a different generation of socialites, like the true Social Lights, the original Social Lights, the Babe Paley, the rich rich women in the fifties, sixties, seventies, and Truman Capodi and like it's so genuine, it's so Rian Murphy.

So he I see this invitation to this black and white ball after this screening, and I show up in this dress that I've had in my closet for years, this velvet shoulder pad powerful that when was I ever gonna wear it as a slit up to the thigh. It's velvet, it's got cuffs, it's got a dramatic shoulder, it's got crystals on it. Like I literally bought it thinking there's never gonna be a place to wear this insane dress, and this easily five six years later was

the place. It's such a dramatic Joan Collins Dynasty dress, and I wore it and I stuck the landing on the glam and I walk in and the first people I see are DJ Quintero, who cut my hair short years ago. Does Katie Holmes' hair was there to me that night doing her hair, and her team was deep. I'm my own stylist, you know, my own fashion stylist, but this is Deme Moore's team. DJ on hair, Christopher Buckle on glam, Brad Goreski on wardrobe, and she stuck

the landing. Her dress was so extraordinary, her look was so extraordinary. Then we move into me seeing Mark Jacobs telling him his makeup brush, which they no longer make, but he said he'll bring back is the best foundation brush ever made. Then moving into seeing Zach Posen, and then Kevin Euvane and Brian Lord, who run Hollywood. They

own CIA. They are power gays and they represent Ryan Murphy and like they represent Meryl Streep and Diane Lane and Julia Roberts and you know, Kevin cold called Oprah years ago represented her for years. Sarah Jessica Parker like

Ellen DeGeneres's business manager. He was there, Brandon Flynn, who sat behind me, and the screening, he was, of anybody here, there's no one I could ask and want to sit next to more than you, And like that was happening, and Gus Vancent directed and then I see, of course, I see Sonya as Leane likes to call her in a crown, and I'm like, she's here. It was amazing, and I had such a good time. It was worth leaving the house. I'd never want to go to anything.

And I said to Ryan, only you could get me out, Like only you, I never want to go to anything. And the post party was at the plaza. Everybody dressed in black and white. Naomi Watts looked amazing. I didn't even know she was married to Billy Croudup, did not

know that happened. She her kids went to the same school as Brynn, and I used to see her in Liev Molly Ringwald amazing, give me a giant, warm smile, took a photo, got in, like walked into a photo that I was in, Like I was in with these four drag queens in the middle of the dance floor in my slit, and one of them had a matching slit, so my slit was I think, on the left and hers was on the right, or vice versa. But these big drag queens dressed in like full like socialite clutching

your pearls Audrey Hepburn type dresses. They were there and I took a picture with them. I was right in the middle of the picture holding my round oscar To lorent bag designed by Fernando Garcia that he gave me. Gave, didn't lend because I'm not one who wants to be lent anything. I want to buy it or I want you to give it to me. Those are the choices. I'm not interested in borrowing. It's degrading. I'm not giving it back, you send it. I'm keeping it, or I'm

buying it. Those are our choices. With the exception of Fernando, I was at the last minute crunch and I borrowed a red dress for an MTV Award thing. But like, I'm keeping it and I'm not even gonna wear it. I just want to look at it, or the option. I'd like the option to keep So anyway, I had my round clutch that Fernando gave me for the Emmys years ago, and I had an Alex Perry dress on for the Emmys years ago that he gave me. And at this event the ball Man gown I bought like

ninety percent off six years ago. So I'm in the middle holding this ball drag queens all around me, and Molly Ringwold steps into the picture like I want to be in this picture, and like she like knew who I was. You could tell she was like kind of giving it to me. And Deborah Harry same thing, gave it to me. So I know Blondie's the band and it's Deborah Harry, but like Deborah Harry, me, Molly Ringwold, and four drag queens in one photo. That's the microphone.

It just dropped. What more could I want in my life? What more could I want in my life than to me in a picture with Molly Ringwold, Deborah Harry and four drag queens? What else could I want? Enough? Dig the I mean, with the exception of needing to be here for my daughter, dig the goddamn hole. Put me in the box. We're done. Ryan Murphy premier Christopher Buckle brag Goreski. I mean, you know, Zach posed in it. And then I see Sonia and I did a TikTok

with Sonya. Why because it's iconic and I love to do iconic shit. It was so fun, And she's like telling me the same story over and over about the trip that I don't know about, like the Housewives trip they all went on, and she talked about me and you know, that whole story on a loop and loved Sonia and loved to run into her and her daughter's doing well and living in la and has a great

job and all's well over there. In other unrelated Housewives news, Lyssa vander Pump is disappointed and Raquel for sharing her post Scanda All story on my podcast Crime a River. Where was she going to share her story at Pump over some rose that she's recovered from and trauma? I don't think so. Sorry, not sorry, We're still all bitter that Raquel months ago came on my podcast and is thrilled she did that was like the epic epic example of jealousy, Like that guy club Shay who had on

Kat Williams. That comedian was saying, like people got so upset and jealous, not because of the story, but because they shared it on his podcast, which wasn't like, you know, hadn't blown up like that. And it's the same thing that people are still bitter that Raquel came over to my podcast, which she's still thrilled about. Like I'm thrilled, ihearts thrilled, Raquel's thrilled. Lisa vander Pump not thrilled, will

take it. We're all good, and I like Lisa, and Lisa's what you know, great, enjoy your success, enjoy your life, enjoy your bar, enjoy your show's enjoy Bravo. All good, but like we're all okay that you're disappointed. We're fine with it because we are appointed and thrilled