Single Parent's Dating in a Broken World

Have you ever felt like dating as a single parent is kind of like I don't know , casting a line into working waters , hoping for a promising catch but all too often reeling in disappointment ? Do you find more bait fish than anything worth catching on your hook ? Or have you even experienced , like me , a fish on moment ? You know when you get excited .

It seems to be a great catch on your hook , someone who seems to fit some of the qualities you've been praying and waiting for . As you eagerly , slowly reel him in , careful not to snap the line , as the anticipation builds with each turn of your reel , with each time you text and talk , do you think to yourself yes , this is someone I can invest in .

Then suddenly , he either jumps off the hook as he ate your bait or , upon reeling him , in , bringing him up onto the bow of your boat , do you realize something is fishy . Wait a minute , he's not a fish , he's a stingray . Oh , that is such a catch and release moment .

But now I have to ask you , now that you have invested so much of your time and your fishing line , do you find it hard to even release or cut the line ?

Or do you find yourself I don't know , because this has been the umpteen time this has happened to you do you simply decide to bring up your line , pack up your tackle box , as you never liked fishing anyways ? Do I have some of you on the hook ?

So my question is that I have asked myself is how does a single sister or listen , single peep , as I know I have guys listening to this podcast . I know you're there and listen . This podcast is not about chumming up the waters with thoughts that all guys are sharks . This is a single situation for all the single peeps listening .

So how do you find peace amongst the broken pieces of people dating in a broken world ? Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing . As we approach Valentine's Day , I thought it was only fitting to talk about what's probably on most single peeps hearts and I know it's online and that's dating .

You see , we may be single parents , but I do hate to point out the obvious here we are single as Christian singles . You know you were created for relationships . This is probably something that is not new to you , so my guess you also know that you weren't meant to be alone , go this alone or are really alone . However , it does feel that way , right ?

So I think it is safe to say we are all in good company here . Now , listen , before we charge forward with this topic , I want to put this out there .

Okay , I am no dating expert here , although I am an experienced dater and I am constantly learning new things about myself and others that I didn't know before I cast out my line , especially in this modern dating , as they call it .

Having said that , let me preface with this I do not have any , if all , of the answers to some of the questions you might have , but , like you , I do answer to the one who does , and I ask him a lot of questions , especially in this area . So , hey , if I'm honest , I have found in this quite ironic Jesus is my best relationship coach .

And listen , in this imperfect dating process that will never be perfect because it's broken . So with this podcast , I'm going to go for broke here , meaning I'm not going to avoid or hold back from having the conversation , that is on Christian single parents hearts .

Listen , I have heard it time and time again , whether it's in a conference , a class or conversation with friends you all are hurting , you're frustrated , you are shattered from the shards of the relationship that resulted in you being a single parent . You're broken and you don't want more of that now or ever again .

However , you do want to date again , but if the process is broken , what in the world are you supposed to do with that Broken up ? You've probably heard the saying hurt people , hurt people . If not , you're welcome . You just now heard it . But have you heard the saying broken people are looking for broken people ? My guess is that is a big fat .

No , because that was the wisdom that was put on my heart when I asked God what are we going to talk about today in this podcast ? And so here is what I'm beginning to understand , what that really means as I discern , to learn . Are you tracking with me ? Say amen .

All of us single peeps have been broken up with , are broken , dating other broken people living in a broken world . Looking for what ? What are you looking for ? My guess is that you would say what I would say , and that's love . So check it After I ask God , what are we writing today ?

I get this tug on my heart about two hours later , followed by this thoughtful impression . So , sherry , what are you looking for ? I was like God , do you have to ask ? I'm looking for a guy , a guy that will love and adore me , pursue me , protect me , I don't know .

Hopefully , maybe even pray for me Might be a stretch , but how about a good Christian guy ? God , now hear me . My response was short because you know , listen , I gave to God a long time ago a list of character tricks that I desired in a teammate , aka husband , not a husband . So as I'm pondering this question , god gave me right .

I also find that I am replaying in my mind a conversation that I had the other day with a quote , unquote person of interest . We will call him POI for short . This conversation it was quite frustrating as it didn't go the way I thought it should . Quietly , god put this next thoughtful impression on my heart and this is what I got .

And in a broken world with broken people who have experienced a breakup , what do you expect to find , sherry ? Oh snap , did God just serve me up some lunch ? And again the another impression came up what do you expect to find ? Then there was a pause when the hammer dropped , and listen , it dropped . Are you not broken yourself , sherry ?

Well , that's a holy hold up moment . But he doesn't hold up , he keeps on going . So this is the next impression I get . So , are you , sherry ? Do you think you're better than the person you're looking for , or are you broken as well ?

As my head drops some humility , I pick up my pen to follow this trail of thoughtfulness , followed by one last final flip of the script . As this impression came up , how can you Be the better version of broken you Dating in a broken world ? And like that , I was like okay , jesus , you win , speak , lord , I am listening . Broke pieces to piece .

As Christians , we know in this world we will have trouble . We found that in John 16 33 . We also know that no one is without sin , not one of us . You can find that in Romans 3 10 . And we also know that there is nothing new under the sun . You can find that in Ecclesiastes 1 9 .

So I am not even going to try to proceed with some new Dating tricks here I might have a few tips later but rather a new perspective that will bring you some peace amongst a your broken pieces of your dating life and Be peace as you date in a broken world .

When I now reflect on the conversation with my POI , I can see it from a meek and quiet Spirit and not the spirit of self Satisfaction that was screaming , the spirit that wanted to tear a person down with some self righteousness . That is some broken stuff there . Now listen , I'm gonna use me as the guinea pig here , so have fun with this . Okay .

So hopefully you can see some of yourself and some of this as well . But if we look at this differently when I looked at it , this from a spirit of Meekness I could see through my own fragmented self who is too broken . I can see , maybe my POI . Maybe he's experienced some brokenness as well .

Maybe it was a past marriage , a recent breakup , childhood trauma , you name it . If he's broken like me , should I not extend a brother some grace ? Shouldn't I extend him I don't know maybe the same mercy God shows me when let's say I don't do something that he willed of me , and Certainly , as a daughter of the king , I shouldn't be doing anyways .

So maybe , just maybe , my POI , his response or lack thereof in this case was from a place of brokenness . You see , I am of the belief that each and every person that comes into your life is there for a reason . Now , that's nothing that you haven't heard before either .

So they may be there for several seasons a season , and some may be there for all your remaining seasons , but God , it is God that allows them there for a reason to teach you something new about you , others and , most importantly , himself . Meaning God .

Psalms 25 5 says lead me in your truth and teach me , for you are the God of my salvation , for you I will wait all the day long . When we are dating in a broken world , we should , in all things , be looking for the Lord to lead us and to teach us is , especially if we want our next to be his best .

Are you ask yourself , are you the best for the person you are looking for ? And if what we truly are looking for is indeed love but listen , not as the world gives it Then we need Jesus on our six . So , in this situation , going back to my POI , how can I both give and receive love ?

Now hear me when I say I'm not talking about romantic love , but kingdom love . How , how can I show him love , doing something different , being something different Becoming . Did you hear that I said becoming the person that the person is looking for ? Oh snap , did I lose you ?

You see , I'm going to go back to earlier , when we said we don't want that to ever happen again , right ? So for that to happen , we have to be accountable to ourselves to never let it happen again , and we do so by realizing we are broken , others are broken , but we can .

We can be a better version of our broken self if we come from the spirit of love that we find in 1 Corinthians 13 . Now , come on , say it out loud with me . I know you all know it .

Love is what Love is patient , it is kind , it does not envy , it does not boast , it is not proud , it does not dishonor others , it is not self-seeking , it is not easily wronged and it keeps no records of wrongs . Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth . It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres . Love never fails .

This , my friends , is the better version of our broken self we become through Christ . It is a daily struggle and a continual dying to self . Putting that into practice as we date in a broken world . I will give you an example of what I mean here .

Okay , so my desire , my desire in a mate is someone who is safe and secure , emotionally available and self-aware those are some of the worldly terms used by other dating experts Someone who , through Christ , has learned not to shame and blame someone when they make a mistake .

Someone who is going to be slow to anger , someone who is going to meditate on God's word before speaking a word to me in a disagreement . Well , I too have to be that person to attract that same kind of person .

So , in my case of my POI who , by the way , I have not talked to in a couple days because one I made a choice to be a better version of my broken self and pause for this cause .

I have prayed many times , asking God to give me a new perspective , to change my thoughts , to be more in alignment with His , and I asked Him Lord , what words can I use at the right time to express that I don't know . I was disappointed by what he said .

Without being accusatory , lord , how can I ask for what I want in communication and this dating process ? How can I put in a boundary for both of us to succeed as people of value , lord ? And also , how can I be willing to cut the line if this is not the fish you have for me ?

But , lord , I do see that you have allowed Him in my life to grow me becoming the better version of broken me Now pay attention , the broken me so I can be the person that you are preparing me for . You see , what I am discerning and learning here , my single peeps , is that dating is a process about progression , not perfection .

There is not a Mr or Mrs perfect here . Now , by keeping this perspective and I challenge you as we keep this perspective in front of us as we date , I do believe a couple things will happen here . 1 . It will give us peace , dating in a broken world . 2 .

It will give us the ability to start attracting people into our lives who , too , are being the better version of their broken self . That means , though , we are dying to self every day , all throughout the day . 3 . It will draw us into a closer relationship with the one who should be our first love , and that is God .

We should delight ourselves to do His will , not ours , and we should give this perspective of a spiritual shift . I try , you see . It says , and he promises in Psalms 37.4 that he will give us the desires of our heart .

Now , furthermore and this is your single sister here , talking as someone who was out there fishing just like you these are some of the tips I am going to give you , and here is 10 of them 1 . Be patient with yourself and others in this season . Listen , consider this dating as practice .

So try not to take all the things personal , especially when you strike out , because , listen , you probably will . 2 . Leave your expectations at the foot of the cross . 3 . Be picky . Dust is the only thing that's going to settle here , not you . 4 . Don't be in a rush to have a crush . You got time . 5 .

Change yourself with people who know and love the real you . 6 . Keep a close circle of people who can see things clearly , for when you have your rose colored glasses on . 7 .

In the very early stages , ask the person of interest to share their testimony with you , testing their faith , because , trust me , there are more time takers and time wasters out there posing as Christians . 8 . If online , do not and I repeat , do not be afraid to put your faith in your profile .

Your profile is not to attract all of the guys or girls on the dating app , just the person who has put God as a priority in their life . 9 . Pray for God's wisdom in all of your interactions . 10 . Love your life more than finding the love of your life .

As I close , I do believe God will one day take the broken half of me and my future broken half together through marriage , working to make our heart whole and holy , and he will do the same for you .

So I will leave you with this one last thought that I want you to know , that I too think about all the time , especially in this dating process , and we find it in 1 Samuel 167 . But the Lord said to Samuel , and I quote Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature , because I have rejected him , for the Lord sees , not as man sees .

Man looks on the outward appearance , but the Lord looks on the heart . End quote , my single peeps . He knows who is good for you and who is not . He knows when something is fishy . Even on Christian dating apps , as I have said before , I have met people posing to be something they are not .

Having said that , I have also said that I have learned to include Jesus in all aspects of my dating through much prayer and care , and I suggest you do the same . You see , he knows their heart and if their intent is to break yours , don't Keep him out of this process . Invite him in and have him serve as your relationship coach .

He is how you begin dating in a broken world . Have you experienced a recent breakup , struggling with some baggage and unforgiveness ? If you live in the Tampa Bay area , I invite you to come to our next it's a Single Mom Thing class , tuesday , february 13th , as we dive into the heart of this topic with licensed mental health counselor Seth Hooper .

You can sign up at wwwshepherdsvillagecom . Forward slash classes . Mytai also suggests listening to both our podcast on forgiveness the gift that keeps on giving and letting go of baggage . From our 2022 season , direct links will be available in our description . Need more care ? Call our prayer line at 855-822-PRAY , day or night .

Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . Thanks for listening to it's a Single Mom Thing . I hope you enjoyed our time together . If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer , visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom . Backslash prayer For more information and resources .

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