Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing , the show for single moms by single moms . This is Share your Host , and I am happy you are here today . Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you .
According to online dating coach and founder of ProfileHelpercom , eric Reznik , and I quote , swipe apps have trained the newest generation of single adults to look at online dating as more of video gaming than a viable way to make a real connection . End quote .
And here Venus Nicolino , aka Dr V relationship expert , he says we are in the process of redefining how humans communicate and , potentially , how we fall in love . So is it such a wonder why modern dating may make you miserable ? To me , I find dating these days seems more like picking a pair of shoes online at Amazon .
You can try and you don't have to buy any of them . If they don't fit or look good on your feet , can you say return ? Psychology today even goes as far as liking dating as online shopping .
So , as a Christian dating , have you ever thought , I don't know , you might have more success finding a needle in a haystack than finding your Christian mate in a modern dating world , especially after you've been ghosted ? Love bomb catfish benched , flash pan rised and roach oh yes , there is a dating glossary for that .
I think for single Christians , you know , it's even harder as we were made to stand out and not fit into this world . So how would we ever date and relate in a modern dating world ? Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing .
So , as we wrapped up the month of February last week , I just wanted to do one more go around on the dating dial , really dialing into the subject and getting deep with what God wants us to understand . You see , this is a subject that I have a lot of conversation with .
Seeking single parents , I think , especially for single parents , it's even more difficult , as you , like me , we've all had our like I like to say quote unquote next level hurt . So to open yourself , being vulnerable in a modern dating world that can make you feel really exposed , especially when you're triggered , and it triggers past hurts .
Some of you that may I don't know like me , have worked out some things already , but then , as soon as you get flash pan , the burn of that pain comes right back . So , as your sister , I want to do a little iron sharpening today so we are no longer setting ourselves up for failure in a failed world .
We are going to identify 19 red flags that's right , 19 biblical base red flags to look for as dating Christians in a modern world . So as a Christian , you are familiar that in this world there will be trouble . In fact , we discussed it in the podcast dating in a broken world .
And as a Christian , you are out of this world , meaning , as in John 15 , 19 through 21 in the New American Standard Bible , if you were of the world , the world would love you as its own . But because you are not of the world , but I chose you out of the world , because of this , the world hates you .
To the modern dating world you may be a commodity , but to God you are out of this world . Think about it . And if we are out of this world , then it is important that we not look to the world to explain to us what's going on , but we need to look to his word . Did you even know that there are biblically based red flags ? I didn't .
I mean , like me , I'm sure you are familiar with relationship . Red flags like codependency , narcissism , emotional abuse , substance abuse and even emotional unavailability , just to name a few toxic behaviors which don't get me wrong are important to know whether you identify those behaviors in others and even yourself .
In fact , there are several great books like Good Boundaries and Good Bias by Lisa Turquoise and ministries like Celebrate Recovery that can help identify and healing those hurts , habits and hang-ups . And listen , I would strongly encourage putting your healing first as a priority before looking for any first dates For this podcast .
The red flags we are going to discuss apply to the worldwide problem that we were warned about for such a time as this . So this isn't really rocket science . This isn't something new , but maybe has been overlooked . When it comes to dating , there will be terrible times .
In the last days , people will be lovers of themselves , lovers of money , boastful , proud , abusive , disobedient to their parents , ungrateful , unholy without love , unforgiving , slanderous without self-control , brutal , not lovers of the good , treacherous , rash , conceited lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God , having a form of godliness but denying its power , having
nothing to do with such people . And that's not from Psychology Today , that is from 2 Timothy 3-1-5 , so old yesterday . Does this sound like I don't know anyone you found online , met in person or recently dated ? Now listen , this goes for both believers and non-believers alike . Both can act like a fool , but we as Christians are called to be wise .
So let's dive into this list written by Apostle Paul , so we can avoid bad relationships and quickly identify these behaviors as we look to stand apart in the dating world . God's way Wave the red flags .
So before we proceed , I want to give all the props and credit to Mark Bellinger with applying God's word for the following content that I just care to share with you , and we're going to go over these 19 red flags in detail . Number one people will be lovers of themselves . I don't know , sounds kind of narcissistic , do you , doesn't it ?
When two people come together for self-centered reasons , the results are terrible . You should personally enjoy the person you're with . You should be satisfied with the relationship , but personal enjoyment and satisfaction are byproducts of sacrificial love . When someone loves themselves most of all , they will be incapable of being in a great relationship , thank you . 2 .
Lovers of Money For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil . Now , that's not nothing new . You have heard that before . Even if you don't love money , you can get into a relationship with someone who does , and you will be pierced by the troubles of that as well . 3 .
Boseful Now someone might be truly gifted in a certain area , but if they flaunt it in everyone's face and use it to exalt themselves well , this mere presence will be painful to be around , especially if they love to serve themselves instead of serving others . 4 .
Proud One of the differences between being Boseful and prideful is that pride is an inner character defect and being Boseful is when you express that inner defect outwardly . While Boseful people are annoying to be around , prideful people can often be dangerous to be around .
If you get into a relationship with a proud person , they will do everything in their power to always be right , which usually means you are always wrong . 5 . Abusive Abuse is the opposite goal of a godly relationship .
God intends for men and women to edify each other , to build each other up , not tear each other down when one person abuses the other or when two people abuse each other . This is a holy hold up . This is a bad relationship . You better run . 6 . Disobedient to their parents .
Now , I know that may not seem like a big deal because you are not going to be living with their parents , but odds are they are still going to be somehow connected to you when people are still dependent on their parents and they are not full adults . The Bible requires obedience .
When people are self-sufficient and are adults , however , god no longer requires obedience , but he still requires honor . So when even grown children rebel against their parents , they are dishonoring God . 7 . Ungrateful as we have already discussed , the main source of joy in a relationship is serving the other person .
However , this joy of service is robbed by an ungrateful person . You can be eager and happy to serve the other person you are with , but if they are ungrateful , you will feel disrespected and taken advantage of , thus losing your joy and joy of service . 8 . Unholy .
When something is called holy in the Bible , it means it is set apart and dedicated for God's special use . Christians are called to be holy so we can be used mightily by God . When you join with an unholy person who walks in sin , you will corrupt your life and miss out on being useful for God . 9 .
Without love Sometimes bad relationships are formed not just because someone doesn't really love you . Sometimes people don't have any love to give . You can't be loved by someone who does not have any love in their own heart to give . 10 . Unforgiving Listen , we all fail each other at times . We are human .
But without forgiveness , a long-lasting , healthy marriage just is not possible . Let's take a quick break . Like pure gold , you , my sisters , are rare , beautiful , valuable and , yes , you reflect light . Want to learn more about who you really are ? Let me tell you there is so much treasure that you have yet to discover about you .
Oh , yes , we're talking about redefining purity . Join me and a couple of my close friends and one special guest , ginger Fitchett , next Tuesday , march 12 , at our it's a Sing a Mom thing Support Group and Class at Starkey Road Baptist Church . Save your seat today at shepherdsvillagecom forward slash classes .
This isn't going to be like your mama's conversation on purity . You won't want to miss it . Now back to our show . 11 . Slanderous Slanders . When you say untrue things about someone with the intent to hurt them , you know the sticks and stones may break our bones . We know that and we know the power that those words had to break us when we were kids .
You see , when someone lies and says something hurtful about you , they severely damage the relationship , sometimes past the point of repair . 12 . Without Self-Control A lack of self-control is a major ingredient to almost every kind of sin , when people are unable to restrain their feelings even when they know what they are about to say or is doing wrong .
This person is not a fit in a relationship and needs to be mature before you can open up to them in a healthy relationship . 13 . Brutal Some people go from zero to 100 when there's even the slightest conflict in a relationship . When someone is a brutal person , they will constantly cross the line and be over the top in their words and actions .
Even what someone is saying is true . The Bible instructs us to make sure we also speak the truth in love . 14 . Not lovers of the good . You don't want to be married to someone that you have to nag and beg to serve at the church , to tie to care about the needs of those less fortunate .
One of the greatest joys of a Christian marriage is serving side by side , but you won't have that joy if you get into a relationship with someone who doesn't love doing good . 15 . Treacherous One definition of treachery is guilty of involving betrayal or deception . A relationship built on lies always crumbles sooner than later . 16 . Rash .
Ecclesiastes 5-2 says Be not rash with your mouth , nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God , for God is in heaven and you are on earth . Therefore , let your words be few . When we are quick to speak , slow to listen and quick to get angry , we are doing the opposite of what God wants us to do and instructs us in James 1-19 . 17 .
Conceded . Conceded is very similar to being proud and boastful , two qualities that Paul warned about already . It seems like Paul is trying to really make a point about the dangers of people who are self-exalting and proud . I don't know , I'm just saying I think a few got kicked out of heaven for pride . Quite simply bad relationships . They're filled with conceit .
Good relationships , though , however , are filled with humility . 18 . Lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God . When you love pleasure more than God , you miss both God and you miss the pleasure . But when you love God more than pleasure , you will get God and the pleasure he gives you . 19 . Having a form of godliness but denying its power .
Perhaps the worst type of person to be around is a religious hypocrite . We all have been around a few Maybe even been you . Rather than be honest about their sense and faults , they try to hide their flaws and religious appearances . You know the type they act one way in front of others , but behind closed doors . The darkness always comes out .
If you're behind closed doors with this person , their legalism will lash out at you . 20 . Rather than a religious person , what you really want is a person who values their relationship with Jesus Christ above everything else . If someone truly loves Jesus , they will also be empowered to love you , even on the days when you aren't so lovable .
This , my solo sisters and brothers , this is what we're looking for , not in a modern dating world , but when we're out there dating in this world , but not of this world . You see , we serve and you know the God of possibilities and in probabilities .
When God is ready to find your mate , whether in a coffee shop , at a church , building your habitat , home or even online , that person will be there . So take heart and take courage to know that your father has that person already ready for you . When you are ready for that person and in God's time , he's ready for the two of you to meet .
I'm off for the next two weeks , returning on March 17th . Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you . Thanks for listening to . It's a Single Mom Thing . I hope you enjoyed our time together . If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer .
Visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom For more information and resources . Check out our show notes .