Candle for Candle

You know how when you’re in a relationship, you let minor aggravations pile up and pile up and you don’t say anything and you try not to think about it and you keep watching, silent, as that pile grows and grows until, one day, the weight of all those old, unspoken resentments is just too much and you try to use your words, you really try, but when you go looking you can’t seem to find them and before you know it you’re dropping mound after mound of self-righteous turd under your life partner’s couch? Doesn’t that feel so good? This week, Tapan channels Esther Purr-el to solve Mike’s soiling issues, Josh is the Danny Ocean of Marcona almonds, and we scoop Goop to go wick to wick with Gwyneth.

Pairings: Girl, Interrupted; a penis melting fetish; MC DKG