Welcome to INA . Feethrive for Enneagram Nines a show for gentle souls who are ready to shine . As we touch down in Florida , people clapped and cheered at the landing . This made me smile , as I rarely hear this anymore . Do we all think we're just too cool to clap ? like people are going to think we are novice flyers if we do that .
That's one possible thought . I mean people thank the bus driver for taking them 10 minutes down the street , but we fly for hours at 35,000 feet and we act like it's no big deal . Human minds are so interesting .
Because we arrived so early , our plane had to taxi around for a little while to wait our turn to get to the gate And I heard somebody say I regret that clap , kind of getting around , kind of serious . 30 minutes later the seatbelt sign goes off and we all stand up to gather our things .
And as I was taking my carry-on down from the overhead , a father who was sitting a few rows behind me squeezed past me apologizing , as he maneuvered his way up the aisle as fast as he could And his teenage son was following him and looked totally mortified And a guy who was sitting behind in a cross for me started growling .
Oh , i guess that guy thinks he's just better than all of us . So I turned around to the guy who said that and I said well , he might have a connection to catch . I have one too . It's just in a few hours And I wasn't saying this to be a jerk , i was trying to make this guy feel better .
His behavior indicated that he really did think the stranger was personally attacking him by exiting the plane first , and then the growling man's mother-in-law I'm guessing she was the mother-in-law by the family dynamics that we're playing out here she starts chiming in and says well , they usually make an announcement if people have a connection .
And I dropped it because I didn't have time to get into a coaching session with this family about emotional resiliency . But I hope that I planted a seed that alternative thoughts to knee-jerk reactions are available . More rational and empathetic ways of thinking are available . Epictetus said it's not things that upset us , but what we make them mean To me .
That stranger running out of the plane looked totally panicked , as if he was going to miss his next flight , and he was apologetic . We had just landed in Orlando , the happiest place on earth , and yet the growling man who is sitting behind me was telling himself the story that this guy who's trying to get out first was looking down upon him .
That's why those two people were rushing out of the plane . We can allow ourselves to react out of our emotion or we can take a step back and respond with more reason . We can choose to give people grace and to not sweat the small stuff . I shared that plane story in an email this week and someone wrote back and said this really resonates with me .
I have been that stranger on a plane who had a connection to catch but I ended up missing my connection because I felt bad passing people . So she felt bad and this could mean many things . A major reason my clients avoid speaking up or showing up is to avoid conflict . I don't want to upset anyone , so I'm just going to stay quiet and sit here .
I don't want anyone judging me or thinking bad of me or throwing me out of the community . This desire for safety has been wired into our brains for millions of years . Stay quiet , stay down , be safe . Think of that person who missed her connecting flight . What an incredible chain of events . Feeling bad may have unraveled Missed flight connection .
Maybe she had a taxi driver waiting for her friends wondering where she was . She could have been late for a big business presentation . Who knows what may have unfolded but could have potentially been avoided had she gotten up and , like , gotten off the plane first and made that connection .
Of course we want to be kind and fair with people and this includes being kind and fair to yourself . You are not the kind of person who is going to plow your way through everyone ahead of you to exit the plane first for no reason .
But if you knew that the woman behind you would miss her best friend's wedding if she doesn't make her next flight connection , you would probably say okay , please go ahead of me . I hope you have a great time And you deserve to give yourself that grace as well to speak up for yourself when it matters to make your connection .
Now , when I mentioned the woman , the hypothetical woman who might miss the wedding if she didn't exit the plane first , did you think well , she was cutting it offly close . She should have flown earlier . We all have these thoughts , but maybe this lady couldn't get the time off work .
Maybe the wedding is in some remote place where they only have a flight once a week . We have no idea . Many of us have waited in line to check in at the airport . When someone asked to cut everybody because their flight is boarding , we let this person go and then grumble about their poor time management . But we don't know this person's story .
Maybe they were caring for a sick parent . Maybe they just struggle with time management Many of us do . It doesn't make them bad people And we shouldn't twist ourselves out of shape over this . We all have things that we are trying to improve upon . Some things are in our control and other things are not , and if it's not in your control , let it go .
It doesn't serve you in any way to imagine that other people think they're better than you . And one of the stranger does think he's better than you . He can't possibly have enough information to know anything about you or your character or how cool you are , so he's simply thinking or acting out of ignorance .
And if that's the case , then who cares what he thinks He's wrong ? He has no idea what he's talking about . If a stranger said , i don't like that dress you're wearing and you are not wearing a dress you'd be like all right , this guy is clearly . You know something's going on there , so don't assume that they know anything about your character .
We can think more rationally , which offers us the wonderful byproduct of being more emotionally resilient , because we can choose to think the best of people instead of the worst , and this is an ongoing practice . Most of us aren't sages . I am certainly no saint . We're not Buddhist monks who never get triggered .
The practice is examining our first impressions about a situation instead of immediately reacting to them and choosing rational thoughts that we can support . I'm going to leave you with a final story about thoughts and perception . So on that Florida flight , we had many kids .
They were on their way to Disney World And when we hit turbulence , one of the children said this is fun . And then kids around the plane started laughing and cheering And our bumpy aircraft became their first ride at Disney . Now , if that first kid had said I'm scared or started crying instead of saying this is fun , more kids would likely have been upset .
The situation didn't change . Only their thoughts about the turbulence did . In one scenario , this is fun Yes , this is a ride , we love it And another I'm scared and crying . But it's the same situation , different thoughts . So , my friend , choose your thoughts wisely .