"Send Ben a text" Are You Caught in the Parent Trap? Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free. Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen. Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today. https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz...
"Send Ben a text" Are You Caught in the Parent Trap? Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free. Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen. Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today. https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz...
"Send Ben a text" On this episode I talk with Allison about the Best Mom Ever virtual summit she is hosting. It is all about helping parents create the relationship they dream of with their teenagers. We're not trying to improve parents. Parents are doing their best. Doing your best is good enough. We want to help parents embrace Growth instead of being fixed as a parent. Brené Brown - The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting. It's good for our kids to see our imperfections. They aren't perfect, and nei...
"Send Ben a text" Are You Caught in the Parent Trap? Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free. Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen. Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today. https://benpughcoaching.com/parenttrapquiz...
"Send Ben a text" Powerful Communication Principles Seek to first understand, then to be understood. Listen Validate Seek to understand their model What are their circumstances? How do they think? How are they feeling? What are their actions? What are the results they're creating and what results do they want to create? Understand your own model. Show that you either understand, or that you want to understand. Catch and reprogram your automated responses Your automated responses are likely to be...
"Send Ben a text" STOP Parenting By Other's Rules! Okay, this is something that's come up in some of my recent 1:1 coaching session, and I wanted to bring this to your attention so you can hopefully STOP Parenting By Other's Rules. I've seen parents trying to parent according to the rules of their teens, their spouse or ex-spouse, or even their parents or in-laws. The truth is, we all have "rules" for ourselves and others in the form of expectations, requests and manuals. If you are playing acco...
"Send Ben a text" Amanda Walker is AWESOME! Amanda is a member of the Firmly Founded Family, expert on the nervous system, and a parenting life coach. I don't really structure my podcasts guest episodes. This episode is not different. The show notes are going to be limited. So, if you want all the good stuff, you're going to have to listen. Connect with Amanda here: https://www.wholebrainconnections.com/ Or on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wholebrainconnections People Connect Th...
"Send Ben a text" The Biggest Mistake I get it! Everyone wants a happy thriving family. But, most parents make the mistake of focusing on everyone else in their family before they even think about themselves. The problem is, when you focus on others, you lose power in your own life. The biggest impact on your family will be to transform your own life. Stop trying to fix everyone around you and go to work on your own personal growth. If you want to go from being frustrated and fighting with your ...
"Send Ben a text" You're Not Committed Have you ever heard the quote, “It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time,.” by Clayton Christensen? This is the principle of commitment. It's easier to be 100% committed than 98% committed. If you're struggling to commit, to be committed, work on being committed mentally. Find your why and commit to it! You're Not Making Daily Progress It sounds simple, but momentum builds momentum . If you'r...
"Send Ben a text" #1 You're Not Happy With Yourself As A Parent This one is huge. Recently I've had a bunch of parents tell me that they're just not happy as a parent. They feel like they could and should be doing more. They feel like they're failing, and they are miserable. Okay, maybe miserable is a stretch, but they're not happy. There are lots of things that can cause unhappiness as a parenting. The important thing to understand is that this isn't "bad" or a problem. #2 You Don't Like Your T...
"Send Ben a text" You Don't Have To Be the Victim to Stress Seems like lately I've seen a lot of posts about stress and anxiety being terrible and traumatic. Stress gets this terrible wrap, and it seems like most posts talk about the stress response simply being the 4 "F's": Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn But these posts completely ignore all of the other possible responses to stress. Human beings are capable of so many other options when it come to stress response. Stress has gotten a bad wrap ...
"Send Ben a text" Distractions 101 It's human nature to be easily distracted. In fact, distractions aren't necessarily all that bad. It reminds me of this dumb game that my kids play. They pretend to punch each other in the face, and if the other child flinches, the first child says, "two for flinching" and slugs them in the shoulder twice. Flinching isn't bad. It's a protective reflex. Being distracted isn't bad, it's part of our human nature to always be on the lookout. To always be looking fo...
"Send Ben a text" Regulating Emotions It's important for teens to learn how to regulate their emotions. Teens have the power to regulate. Teens Need Their Privacy when Getting Coached There's no right or wrong way to coach. It's important to give teens privacy and let them be vulnerable. Teen Work Benefit from Working On What They Want To Work On Teens need the freedom to work on things that are important to them. They will learn powerful skill in areas that are important to them, than they can ...
"Send Ben a text" Why Do Family Meetings? Increased communication Plan Activities Address Problems Give Family Members a Voice Model/Teach Leadership and Communication Skills Get people on the same team Common Mistakes Not respecting the opinions, thoughts, views, and values of others, Trying to change others. Lecturing/Arguing Not having a clear purpose Giving away your power Recommended Components Clear Purpose and Intention Tackle just one topic Come to the meeting with an idea of where you w...
"Send Ben a text" What Is Bravery? Bravery is facing your fear. Bravery is a choice. The world would have you believe that bravery means the absence fear, but I believe bravery is facing your fear and BEing intentional. Like, brave people don't experience fear, but this isn't true. Brave people experience fear, just like you, but they have mastered the skill of BEing intentional in the face of their fear. Bravery Requires Fear Fear is not the enemy. In fact, fear is a required emotion for braver...
"Send Ben a text" Mental and Emotional Health Go Hand In Hand May is mental health month, so I keep seeing lots of posts about mental health. I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this. I believe that mental and emotional health go hand in hand. Without one, you cannot have the other. If you want to strengthen one, you'll have to strengthen the other. If you strengthen one, you'll strengthen the other. Mental and Emotional Health go together like the chicken and the egg. You can't r...
"Send Ben a text" You Are The Most Powerful Agent Of Change This might come as a surprise to you, but you are the most powerful agent of change for your family. You are a hero! You have the power to change EVERYTHING in your family, just by changing yourself. If you are listening to the podcast, you are probably looking for growth and some kind of change in your family, your parenting, or your teen. I'm here to tell you that YOU have the power to change your whole entire world! This is not what ...
"Send Ben a text" What is Neurocontrast and Neurodivergent? Neurodivergent is the opposite of neurotypical, often adhd, odd, dyslexia a diagnosis of some type. Neurocontrast is a little more inclusive. Everyone's brain is different. Learning is Learning, and Your Teen IS Learning Everyone's brain develops differently. We learn at different speeds. We learn different things at different times. Your teen is learning, whether you see it or not. Crystal lets her kids learn to read when they are read...
"Send Ben a text" Common Mistakes When Setting Boundaries I'm not trying to judge you or how you set boundaries. I'm just trying to share some of the common pitfalls that I've noticed parents often make when trying to set boundaries. Usually, the only reason I would call it a "mistake" is that it doesn't create the results that they are looking for. MISTAKE: Setting boundaries to control your teen. SECRET TIP: Shift your focus from your teen (something outside of your control) to what you can co...
"Send Ben a text" Sorry for the short show notes again, but I'm still recovering from Covid-19 and I didn't plan this episode ahead of time. Stefanie, Real Life Parent from FFP The Firmly Founded Parent teaches things that are different than what the world would have you believe. The world would teach you that "It's your job to control your teen," but we teach that it's NOT your job to control your teen. It's your job to control yourself! It's your job to manage your mind, your emotions, and you...
"Send Ben a text" Sorry for the shortest show notes ever, but I've got Covid-19 and a killer headache. What You CAN and CAN NOT Control It's not your job to ensure your child's safety, happiness, or success. This is hard when it comes to self-harm and suicide. We tend to think that we need to protect our children. At the end of the day, we can only do what is within our control. We cannot control whether our children self-harm. We cannot control how our children think or feel. We can only contro...
"Send Ben a text" Imperfection Is Part of Being Human One of the things that I see all the time with both my teen clients and my parent clients is frustration about not being "better." If you're like many of my clients, you have been frustrated with yourself for not being "better." Maybe you yelled at your teen, and you wish you could go back in time and unsay some of the things you said. Maybe you didn't handle a situation with your spouse exactly how you wanted to, or maybe you made a mistake ...
"Send Ben a text" No Matter What I Do, My Teen Won't Change One of the things that I hear a lot is, "We've tried EVERYTHING, and nothing we do works." To which I usually ask, "How do you know nothing is working?" And the parents typically replay, "My teen won't change." If you've ever thought that "nothing is working" when it comes to your teens, it's probably because you are focused on changing your teen. My favorite question that I often get from parents is, "My teen won't change, now what?" T...
"Send Ben a text" Parenting From Fear Parenting from fear is common for parents, and it's a symptom of focusing on things outside of your control. When we do this, we typically catastrophize and see all the things that could go wrong. Theresa was afraid that her teen would be arrested. She was worried that he'd be behind bars and "ruin" his life. This caused Theresa to yell and try to control her teen. She thought that she needed to fix him and protect him from himself. Parenting From Shame It's...
"Send Ben a text" Awareness, Acceptance, and Intentionality Have you ever been dissatisfied and launched into action to try to fix it? I'm going on a diet. I'm starting an exercise program. I'm getting a new job. I'm getting a coach. These are all examples of launching into DOING new or more or different things. The problem is, if you haven't gained awareness and acceptance, you're basically throwing darts in the dark. Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness...
"Send Ben a text" The World Thinks We Need To Better Love OTHERS It seems like there's a lot of talk of loving one another or simply loving others, but I believe it starts with your ability to love yourself. Most People Ignore Their Self Love If you don't love yourself, it makes it hard to love others. Most people completely ignore their own self-love and focus on whether or not others love them. You don't have to "make" others love you. Loving yourself is not Narcisistic Loving yourself doesn't...
"Send Ben a text" What holds Parents Back? DOing things "Right." There's no right or wrong way from parenting. SO many different ways. "I'm going to try this . . . " Trust that you are doing things exactly how they should be. Being afraid of doing it wrong will paralyze you. This leads to disappointment and regret. The "Wrong Way" Can Totally Be the "Right Way!" No matter what, you can turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments. You don't have to be perfect. Just do your best! ...
"Send Ben a text" Day 1 The Origin of The Hero Day one was the scariest day for me. I've spoken in public many times, but this time was different, it was in front of hundreds of teenagers. At most, we probably only spoke to about 200-250 students at a time, but that's a lot of teens. The goal was to share a message that was fun and entertaining, yet educational and motivating, and from each period we wanted to get about 10 to 20 students to signup for our 4-day boot camp. It was amazing to speak...
"Send Ben a text" Most People Move Away From Fear It's natural as human beings to want to move away from fear. Fear is usually uncomfortable, and most humans try to move away from and avoid discomfort. In the past, moving away from fear served us very well, both as a species and also individually. As a species, moving away from scary animals and circumstances helped keep our species alive. As individuals, avoiding scary things has helped keep you comfortable and safe. Avoiding scary situations i...
"Send Ben a text" Your Teen Wants YOU To Connect With Them! If you're like the parents I work with, you want a better relationship with your teen. Me too! In fact, I want to help as many parents as I can to create better relationships with their teens. The problem is, . . . . . . If you're like most parents, you want your teens to connect with you . . . . . . BUT, your teen wants YOU to connect with them! And, what ends up happening looks a lot like this. You try to get your teen to change, (get...
