"Send Ben a text" What are Values? Values are your beliefs about what is and is not important. Values are our principles, standards, and priorities. Values are deep-seated beliefs and ways of thinking that motivate and drive our actions. Your values live in your subconscious thoughts. Usually, you don't even know about them, but they still impact your actions and behaviors, such as unconscious habits. Your values are a way of BEing. You live and express your values subconsciously without even th...
Jul 08, 2021•29 min•Ep. 56
"Send Ben a text" When you judge your teens, you disconnect with them. “When I pull back and look at the big picture, does it matter if my kid sleeps all day? (. . .) In the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.” ~ Marika Humphreys "It was helpful to question and really let go of my expectations of what I thought my kid should be doing, and that was the gateway towards acceptance of who my child really is, and now I see them as the amazing kid they are." ~ Marika Humphreys "I stopped j...
Jul 01, 2021•47 min•Ep. 55
"Send Ben a text" The Myth of Parenting on The Same Page The myth of parenting on the same page is that it will "fix" all of your problems in your relationship and with your teens. The myth is that when you parent on the same page, you will magically agree with everything that your spouse does. Or even better yet, they will magically agree with everything that you do. The Problem with "Same Page" Parenting I have many problems with same page parenting. I've seen spouses manipulate each other in ...
Jun 24, 2021•27 min•Ep. 54
"Send Ben a text" “Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you're feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.” ~ Abdallah Abdallah Was Committed Because He Invested in Himself Abdallah's mom invited Abdallah to invest in himself and his future. It's painful to part with $500, but he trusted that it would be worth it. Teens get more value from coaching when they are fully committed and have invested in themselves...
Jun 17, 2021•43 min•Ep. 53
"Send Ben a text" Times I've Tried to Change From the Outside In. I've got to be honest. I am guilty of trying to change things from the outside in. Even with everything that I know, I still find myself trying to change things from the outside in. Just yesterday, in fact it was probably today at like 12:30 am on the way home from my oldest son's basketball tournament, I tried to change something from the outside in. I wanted my son to go to summer football workouts the next morning and he didn't...
Jun 10, 2021•25 min•Ep. 52
"Send Ben a text" What Tough Parenting Moments DO & DON'T Mean Becoming a Professional Parent No one shames professional athletes for working to improve themselves. We actually respect them for their dedication and hard work. Don't let others hold you back because of their thoughts or their shame. You can improve as a parent with dedication and hard work. I Should vs I Want vs I Will vs I AM! Should doesn't serve us. It holds us back. An up grade from "I should" is "I want." The next step is...
Jun 03, 2021•45 min•Ep. 51
"Send Ben a text" Transformation VS Improvement. Improvement focuses on better whereas transformation focuses on different. Usually, improvement is focused on the perceived problems, and simply improving how we respond to the problem. Transformation on the other hand is focused on the vision of what could be and becoming the vision. There is a time a place for both transformation and improvement. To Transform or to Improve, That is The Question Like I said, there is a time and a place for both t...
May 27, 2021•20 min•Ep. 50
"Send Ben a text" "It's not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us." ~ Rachel Wolchin #3 Catastrophizing! This is one of my all-time favorites. Some people have accused me of making this word up, but it's a real word with a real definition. catastrophize : to imagine the worst possible outcome of an action or event : to think about a situation or event as being a catastrophe or having a potentially catastrophic outcome This is one of the biggest mistakes that I make as a p...
May 20, 2021•26 min•Ep. 49
"Send Ben a text" Angie is a mom of 4 and wanted to get coaching to be more intentional with her parenting. She realized that she was doing a lot of parenting out of either shame or fear. She was worried about what others thought about her and her parenting. This lead to her parenting in an attempt to please others that wasn't actually aligned with her values. I wanted to share with you some of Angie's parenting models that she shared with us on the podcast. C- Teen's choices T- She's going to r...
May 13, 2021•34 min•Ep. 48
"Send Ben a text" YOU Can Be The Change You Want To See! I know I always say this, but it's still true! You CAN be the change that you want to see in your teen. Lately, I've done a lot of relationship coaching on with one spouse or another about their relationship with their spouse, or with a mother-in-law, or with a parent. I use the same rules to coach them on these relationships as I use to coach them on their relationship with their teen. You cannot change your spouse, your mother-in-law, or...
May 06, 2021•23 min•Ep. 47
"Send Ben a text" "Can You Fix Us?" We were hoping that you could fix us and our parenting, change our parenting, and fix our teen. There's no magical fix. You actually have to do the work. I CAN BE THE CHANGE! Defining Your Role as a Parent Having the vision of "Who do I want to be as a parent?", will empower you as a parent. When you set your intention, you are more likely to parent in alignment with your vision. Explore, "Who do I want to be as a parent?" "How do I want to show up today?" The...
Apr 29, 2021•42 min•Ep. 46
"Send Ben a text" Human Beings are Herd Animals This is not a bad thing. We have evolved this way. It has kept us alive as a species. The problem is that most people aren't' aware of their herd mentality and the impact that it has on their lives and how they parent. Some examples of herd thinking, feeling, and actions are religion, politics, and sports. There's nothing wrong with any of them, but often time people don't even realize that they are in a herd. I've recently explored how being a her...
Apr 22, 2021•22 min•Ep. 45
"Send Ben a text" Procrastination is a natural human habit and tendency, but you don't have to be its slave. 5 Myths About Procrastinating Teens Myth #1 My Teen is Lazy . Myth #2 Procrastination is a Character Flaw Myth #3 Procrastination Will Ruin My Teen's Life Myth #4 My Teen will ALWAYS Be a Procrastinator Myth #5 Procrastination is a HUGE Problem 5 Truths About Procrastinating Teens Truth #1 Procrastination is Part of Being Human Truth #2 Your Teen Can Learn How to Stop Procrastinating Trut...
Apr 15, 2021•23 min•Ep. 44
"Send Ben a text" "External events should not affect how you feel." ~ Louis Wheel of Life This is a visual concept that I teach to help parents and teens understand that life is 50/50. It's 50% pleasant and 50% unpleasant. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong. When things are going great in our lives, we are on the top of the wheel. When things kind of suck, or things aren't going how we want them to, we are on the bottom of the wheel. Sometimes, when we are on the top of the wheel, we forget ...
Apr 08, 2021•51 min•Ep. 43
"Send Ben a text" Why do Teens Procrastinate? First of all, procrastination is just part of being a human. It's part of what we do to conserve energy and keep ourselves safe. A lot of the teens that I work with have the habit of procrastinating in an attempt to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom or overwhelm. Often times when we've procrastinated, the result is more of what we were avoiding in the first place. I have one client who procrastinates her school work because she feels o...
Apr 01, 2021•31 min•Ep. 42
"Send Ben a text" What is the Honeymoon Phase? This podcast is in response to a question that I recently got from one of our podcast listeners. So, Gosia, this podcast is for you. Back when my wife and I hosted a podcast about foster parenting we had an episode all about using the honeymoon phase as a foster parent. One thing that we had noticed as foster parents was that a lot of foster parents would discredit and discount the positive behaviors of their foster kids, and say things like, "They'...
Mar 25, 2021•29 min•Ep. 41
"Send Ben a text" Awareness Changes EVERYTHING! Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness. I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes. Many times, once we've increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change. Intentionality is the Next Step. It's powerful to be aware of what's truly going on in your life. Far too often, we realize that things are not going how we would like them to, and we ...
Mar 18, 2021•24 min•Ep. 40
"Send Ben a text" Awareness Changes EVERYTHING! Have you ever heard the saying, "You don't know what you don't know"? This is true in our own lives. We don't know what we don't know. Often times we simply know that we want a change, but we lack the awareness to really understand exactly what it is that we want to change. Often times we think we can simply change our actions and gets the change that we are looking for. Simply changing the action is rarely enough to create the change that we want....
Mar 11, 2021•24 min•Ep. 39
"Send Ben a text" Your Brain is Like Google Your brain is seriously like Google. It will find whatever you are looking for, and in record time, along with tons of supporting evidence. Dads might notice their favorite car on the road or a trophy buck up a mountainside. Moms might notice a particularly good deal on a favorite purchase or always know where their kids' shoes are. The brain is constantly searching for what we want to find. I love seeing bald eagles while I'm out. When I'm in the moun...
Mar 04, 2021•12 min•Ep. 38
"Send Ben a text" Teenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs! "Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for ' calm ' — chaos is contagious , panic is contagious , stupid 100% is contagious , [ . . ] "So we like ' calm ' because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand." ~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke Denver Human Beings are Herd Animals We like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of othe...
Feb 25, 2021•20 min•Ep. 37
"Send Ben a text" What is blaming? First of all, blaming is part of being human! As far as I know, EVERYONE blames sometimes. It's important to talk about blame because many times we do this without realizing that we are doing it. Blaming is simply giving responsibility for something that we think has gone wrong, to someone or something else. We live in a day and age when blaming is the norm, and it is 100% acceptable. Why do we blame? The main reason that we blame others is to avoid feeling cer...
Feb 18, 2021•21 min•Ep. 36
"Send Ben a text" What is Manipulation? Trying to change or control other peoples' actions, feelings, and/or thoughts according to our own desires. Often times we manipulate our teens by trying to get them to feel negative emotions, like shame, guilt, or sadness. Manipulation is a human skill that can be used for good and for bad. What is People-Pleasing? People-Pleasing is when we do something that we do not want to do in an effort to please someone else. People-Pleasing is socially acceptable ...
Feb 11, 2021•24 min•Ep. 35
"Send Ben a text" Why Do We "Need" to Fix Others? I want to start out by saying that human beings are fixers! We love to fix things! As parents, many of us have come to believe that it is our job to fix our teens. Coupled with our years of experience and all our time, love and resources invested on our kids, we think we have the duty and right to change and fix our teens. When we try to fix or change our teens, what it really means is that we think there is something wrong with them and that the...
Feb 04, 2021•16 min•Ep. 34
"Send Ben a text" Have You Ever Limited Yourself with a Goal? I have done this, and I've seen both the parents and teens that I work with do this too. You set a goal that's "realistic." In fact, you hold yourself back a little just to make sure that is is realistic. You reach your goal in half the time that you planned, and then you sit back and relax and do little to nothing more. This is just one example of having a limiting goal. Other times, we simply don't set our sights high enough. I hear...
Jan 28, 2021•19 min•Ep. 33
"Send Ben a text" Everyone's Mental Health Needs are Unique Last week we talked about mental and emotional health and how I define it. For me, Mental Health refers to: Mental and emotional well being. The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions and results. The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small. It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges. Not everyone's mental and emot...
Jan 21, 2021•36 min•Ep. 32
"Send Ben a text" Mental Health vs Mental Illness vs Mental Disorder Lots of people use the terms "mental health," "mental illness," and "mental disorder" interchangeably. For me, mental health and mental illness refer to two different things. For me, Mental Health refers to: Mental and emotional well being. The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions. The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small. It's t...
Jan 14, 2021•28 min•Ep. 31
"Send Ben a text" Why Is It SO Hard To Be Resilient? It IS hard to be resilient, and it’s hard to develop resilience. But, it’s not hard in an impossible bad way. It’s hard in a good empowering way. Asking why it’s hard to develop resilience is like asking why it’s hard to bench press or lift weights. The answer is because it has to be hard. Lifting weights is supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t get stronger. As you get better, you intentionally make it harder by adding more and...
Jan 07, 2021•21 min•Ep. 30
"Send Ben a text" 3 Simple Mindset Shifts Desire vs Shame Instead of letting shame drive your goals, try harnessing the power of desire . Instead of, "I need," or "I should ," try . . . " I WANT TO . . . !" " I want to stop yelling at my teen." " I want to appreciate my teen." Can you feel the difference? Rather than doing it out of shame, you're doing it for you, out of desire. When it comes to your goals or resolutions, drop the shame. Do it out of love. Do it out of desire for who you want to...
Dec 31, 2020•29 min•Ep. 29
"Send Ben a text" Two Traditions, " Christmas Gift! " and Find the Lamb My wife's family has a tradition. Each Christmas, people try to be the first to greet one another by saying, "Christmas Gift!" We try to sneak in to the house without being seen, just so we can catch someone unaware and "Christmas Gift" them. It's a fun tradition that gets the whole family involved. In my home we have a huge Christmas Village. There are 15 houses/buildings, 2 ponds with skaters, 2 bridges, a train, a nativit...
Dec 24, 2020•16 min•Ep. 28
"Send Ben a text" What is your future? Your future-self only exists in your imagination. Your future is not better than your present or your past. Your future-self can be a guide and mentor. When we focus on our future, that focus can give us direction in the present and in difficult moments. The better we get to know our future-self, the more we live in alignment with who we want to become. Live from “What’s possible?” Too many times we define ourselves by our past mistakes and struggles. It's ...
Dec 16, 2020•25 min•Ep. 27
