Welcome to I do part two, the pod for people who didn't get it right the first time when it came to love and now find themselves picking up the pieces and putting themselves back together. I'm Cheryl Burke, one of your celebrity mentors, and I'm just like you guys. I'm divorced. I've been through the ringer. I know how hard it is, and today I just want to kind of take over and talk about my experience and where
I'm at post divorce. Valentine's Day coming up. But we can't do this without my producer, Heather, who is also single and almost forty, but she still has a few more years. She's gonna grill me. So this should be fun. Hi Share, Welcome, Hi, Hey girl, Welcome.
Hi, Thank you. So I want to talk obviously about your ex experience a little bit, so kind of like run us through the highlights. I know you had the big wedding, but like talk about how long were you married for and how long has it been since you're divorce.
Okay, well I was married first of all, so this was a relationship that you know, we started dating when I first moved to LA But I'm not going to talk too much about him, but I'll definitely talk more about just my experience and I I love convert in any way, shape and form, So like I just it was really it's always been weird for me to like date and just to meet people, especially in the business that I am. But even before this business, it wasn't that.
It was just that I'm naturally introverted, right, So when I feel comfortable around somebody, you know, the and if let's say, we break up, which I did with my ex at that time after dating for the like for a year back in two thousand and six or seven, and then we reuni, I did and it just felt comfortable, you know, and it was just like, Okay, we don't have to do the whole like it's a small talk
that just gets me anyway. Then yes, then we get married and we were married for we started dating again for another year I believe a year and a half before we got married or engaged, and then we got married very soon later.
Can I jump in and ask you this, whose idea was it to get married?
Totally mine? I'll take full accountability. Yeah, I don't think he was. I Mean, look, there was conversations, but every time it was me starting the conversation, right, because I also was like older, so it was ten years of that gap between when we first dated and then started again. But it was kind of like okay, but when you're older, you know, you're kind of thinking like, well, if this person's not serious, then like why waste time? Right? And
I get I'm like what is time now? Now I'm a different woman, and I'm like, it's it's just so interesting how we put so much pressure, especially women, because we think that there's this schedule that we need to follow as far as getting married and having kids. It's like, it's the conventional way, right, It's what society expects from you. But it doesn't have to be in any order or at any time, amen, or does it ever have to happen period?
Did you ever consider not getting married and just being in a long term partnership?
Not then, not back then? No, that was my goal. The goal was to get married, Like it was literally to get married. I wasn't even thinking kids. I was just to get married.
It was just to get married. And so where where did you feel like that came from? Was that about the environment you were raised in or was it about all of your friends were getting married, like pressure being in the public eye and not being married yet, Like where or was it just you just wanted that you just grew up wanting to get married. Where do you think it came from?
It came from like all those movies, like you know, those rom comps. But also honestly, if you really want to get deep here in a quick SoundBite. But it was for my feeling at that time. I definitely didn't love myself. I didn't even start that work, nor was I interested, even though I was in therapy and I
have been forever. You know, there's certain things that you know, my therapist now brings to my attention that I'll just change the subject if it's something that I don't want to talk about, And that was one of them, you know. And it was so much about what the person outside sources what can fill my cup up? And one of that and one of my goals was to see if I can get married, and has nothing to do with
the person I married. It has everything to do with how no matter what I did, it doesn't matter, Like you can't fill No one is going to fill your cup up. Shopping's not going to fill your cup up. You are, you need to do the internal work, and that did not make any sense to me until recently.
Yeah, I mean that makes a lot of sense, though. I want to know now post divorce, what has kind of or right after the divorce, let's say, let's go back to that. Right after the divorce, what was the focus. Was it to get into therapy?
Was it to build I was already in therapy, okay.
Was it to build a new circle of friends. Was it to focus more on yourself? Was it to start a new life or what was kind of like that when you first got divorced? What was the focus right then and there?
I didn't have any type of goal, like to be quite like just transparent with you. It was really about surviving day after day, and it was one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. And I'm very goal oriented, right, But it naturally, honestly, it naturally became about me ghosting
everybody around me and doing the work myself. Because what I realized naturally, and I don't think I was able to put it into words at that time, but I can't be vulnerable with other people sometimes like that vulnerable
like when it comes to like really feeling grief. I even have trouble doing that, but when I'm by myself, you know, so it's like, because it's so painful that like I am a professional disassociator, and I definitely numb, and though it's not through alcohol anymore, there's so many other things I can do, right, So the list goes on, and I am in order for me to really make progress and to really feel okay in my own skin and to feel alone, not lonely, like I sound like
a broken record, but like it's it really does start within. And first my first priority, to be quite honest, was staying sober, so that was definitely something that I was aware of at that time.
Yeah, that's an important thing that you channeled a lot of energy into. And I do want to commend you for being so open about that because I do think that that's a huge step for anybody in life. Choosing to be sober, and you choosing to share that on a large platform I think is really incredible. I want to talk about the fact that you are a childless.
Woman, my friend. You accounts those well.
Babies always count, but I want to talk about this because I think it's something that sometimes gets overlooked when it comes to divorce. I think a lot of people focus on divorce single parent aspect and what that kind of entails. But you know, just because you don't have children doesn't make this experience that you went through any
less painful or meaningful. But I kind of want to know, from your perspective and what you've gone through, did it feel different because you didn't have children and you didn't have somebody. I mean, you had a fur baby to take care of, right, but you didn't have have a human being to take care of. You didn't have somebody to put on a brave face for. Sometimes we hear a lot about single parents having to do that.
I guess I don't know, because I've never had kids, right Like, I don't know what that is.
Did you feel supported? I guess I want to know. I think a lot of times we hear about stories of people being rallied around because they need that extra support, and sometimes us single girls that don't have kids, I feel like we're viewed as you got this, you're strong. What was your perspective like, did you have that?
I don't I have never never crossed my mind and I've never felt that, but I, like, you know, I mentioned earlier if I needed the support, absolutely, and I did. And I and though she is on someone I pay my therapist for me because I am so sensitive to bias, right, Like I don't want At that time in my life, I needed just to hear the truth, right, and I really need it, just to hear it, and not because of any type of politics being played, like I and
for me, that person was my therapist. I really leaned on her a lot. And you know, I've been with her for fifteen years. And I have to say the reason I have been with her because I'm sensitive, as I said, to bias, I is because she's not biased like by any means. And I have to say that she definitely you know, it was difficult. It was hard.
It was hard, truth because like she also is very much all about taking accountability, and that is a thing that you know, and sometimes that's the last thing you want to do, right when you have all this anger
and rage. But I leaned on her a lot, and I also lean and then with that, you know, it was my choice to leave Los Angeles and move and I don't believe a lot of people would choose that after a divorce not just with their partner, but also leaving a job that they've done for seventeen years of their life, and the same year choose to move right. So those are three huge changes that I think it's my addict brain that's like, okay, I have to if I'm going to just change my whole life, then I'm
changing my whole life. That house I was in for sixteen years just reminded me of everything, right, So it was like it was very important for me to do this, And I don't know if I were to, like if I'm like thinking about those decisions now and I'm like, WHOA, that was bold. That was like three life changes. Like they say, if you go up to five in one year, you need to like go to the nearest mental and like it will make you mental, right, like because it's
just so much change. But then also with that, you know, my friends have changed right too and naturally. But like I've never felt so grounded, and so look, there's fucking days where I don't feel like this. Okay, I'm not trying to say like I have served like you know, no, there's shirty days, absolutely, but I've never felt lonely.
So I'd love to hear that. Let me ask you something super personal. You can be like sure, I want to answer that. No, I know, okay, what are your views on children? Is that something that you think about, something that you want in your lifetime? Still don't know, like kind of.
Where you are. I actually talked about it with my therapist recently, and she's like, the way you treat your dog, are you sure you want to have kids? Because my dog is a spoiled brat, like literally spoiled twenty four hour care over here because she needs it, but or I think she needs it. But you know, I believe,
and I've just okay, I believe. Okay, of course it's great to raise a kid with two people, right like obviously because I come from a divorce family, and because I know how much it affected me and other stories I've heard even if I was so young, it doesn't matter, stills ingrained in my freaking identity, right I. And this
is not going to be popular, I don't. I believe that it's okay to raise kids on your own, like and actually to start it off like that would probably be healthier than having to rely on another partner, not knowing what mood that person's going to wake up in and not knowing what this kid is going to observe. And at least you have control for the most part over yourself in your kids.
I will say, Cheryl, you say that that's unpopular. I think that's becoming more popular as time goes on. I mean, I could draw a conclusion right now to like Lalla on vander Pump Rules, after having one child in that relationship, decided I still want to be a mom. That is still really important to me. And she opted to have a sperm donor and had that second child and is raising it on her own because she does not want to go through kind of the conflict that she went through with her child's father.
How has people, I guess it been celebrated at all.
Or totally celebrated. She had a baby shower, She has been you know, uh, embraced by her family. Yeah. So, I mean that was a journey that she went on on her own. And I think, you know, I I know in my professional life, I have worked with women that you know, were in their fifties and decided to adopt on their own and become mothers later in life. And one of them, I actually know ended up then meeting a spouse later on after bringing you know, adopting
a child on her own. I know, like Coda on the Today Show, she's done it on her own as well. So I think it's it is becoming I think, a more popular and mainstream decision for women because they feel similar to what you're expressing, you know, like they want the risk. You know, they've maybe gone through something. I mean, I'm a product of divorce too, so when you talk about that, I totally understand those feelings and how that
sticks with you. And I do think that you know, yes, ideally, it's it's I think it's less about that a child necessarily needs two parents as it's more it's a tough job. So if you have somebody to share the workload with, that I think does sound great. But I think that you and I both know that there's a lot of single parents out there in the world that are kicking ass right now and doing yeah for sure.
Yeah. And also, look, I didn't freeze. I've chosen not to freeze my eggs and I don't plan on ever doing that, So Noor, I don't think it'll be possible soon or if it's not possible. Now, it's not possible. It doesn't matter either way, that's not happening. So what my therapist and I were talking about was like, Okay, she does have a friend that she was able to, you know, get a donor and then like have a
surrogate and do that whole thing. And at first I was like, okay, adopt, but then I'm like, oh wait, even realize that that was an option. So but I'm not clearly, I'm not that like, Okay, tomorrow, we're doing this. I'm not ready yet. And this is the beauty of also in a way, where we are today in this world as far as you know, technology, and it's scary but also very helpful for women who feel like they haven't finished what they're trying to do, whatever that is.
And I don't feel like I have started my second chapter yet in my career yet, so like I don't want to. I don't think it would be responsible for me to bring in a kid right now if I don't feel I mean, I guess I'm never gonna be ready. No one is, and I guess I'm never going to feel settled because like how boring is that? But I know that there's more that I need to do as an individual before sharing my life with somebody.
And Cheryl, I know I'm not your mom, but I can also say this to you. You are allowed to change your mind at any time. Yeah, any of this too, but not when you have the kid, not once you have the kid. That's what I read. You have children for sure, And so I think that's important, right because I think sometimes people are put a lot of pressure on themselves to make a decision and stick to that answer. And you know, we are allowed to change our minds
about things. And you could want to get married again someday, yea, not want to have children again someday and life changes.
How about just the dating, Like I'm not dating and I'm choosing not to date, like forget the marriage. How much is meeting somebody? I'm like, I am perfectly content in this home, with these four walls. I never have to leave.
Let's talk about it, Cheryl, because I do want to talk about what's going on with the not dating.
I knew this was a note from Amy Sugarman, wasn't it. Yeah right, yeah right, All y'all think it's so weird, Like, well, what is happening?
Weird. Hello, I'm not dating either, Cheryl.
I bet you you leave your house more than I do, though.
Probably not Cheryl. But I want to know when was your last date?
Amy Shag from that dude that's Kelly's dating Yeah, mister Tennis. But is she still dating him? I forgot, I don't know.
I haven't gotten up date. But I want to know when was that date? So your last date was when?
I don't know? I mean, I can check my calendar.
Hold on, are we talking over three hundred and sixty five days?
Like? Oh, for sure it was when I was just moving. Okay, zero interests, don't even try.
But no, but tell me where where? Like I want to know as a single you're gorgeous, you're talented, you have, like you just said, you're so busy right now, it's like so hard to even lock you down.
No, but I'm not, like, I'm not.
I just I want to know, Like, when Cheryl goes out to the bank or to run errands, do you turn your hand to me?
They come to me attractive men?
Are we not even looking at men? Are we blinders?
On? Oh? Hell yeah, Like I'm following some hot dudes on and mind you like errands come to me like this is the invention. This is what I mean. Technology like instacard, like you know, bank like you can do everything. I don't remember the last time I set foot in a bank anyway. Yeah, no, of course, I still think guys are hot. That doesn't mean though, that they deserve me.
Of course. Wait, are guys sliding into your dms.
Ever old creepy ones? But like I think about it, I'm not one to post like my tits are not out, Like I don't do that right, Like.
Like you're still stunning and you're still active on social media.
Well yeah, I mean no. But to answer you, I mean, I don't know. I don't check like the other you know, there's messages. There's so many sections of messages the others. No, that's not what I meant.
But like you know, oh, I know what you mean, the other messages, the non blue check messages that come through.
I got you. I was not giving off that vibe. I truly believe that, Like my energy is not like damn me.
Sure, but listen, like I said, I think you're glowing. You're gorgeous.
I know I am. I am in the best shape in the world right now. More than when I was on Dancing with the Stars.
You have great content that you're putting out about loving yourself. It's not like it's not crossing any men's hats.
That's intimidating for men.
You know what, I don't know. I've never been attracted to beta men's so I've never been like into a guy that like, was ever intimidated by me anyways.
That's just never how I heard interesting.
I don't ever tend to like.
So are you attracted to the opposite, then.
I'm attracted to strong, quiet confidence, So I'm not attracted to alpha males that are super loud and boisterous about it. I'm attracted to more of a quiet confidence that doesn't need to put that out to the world.
That's great considering you came from a divorce family.
Yeah, I mean I also, Cheryl, this is not my therapy session.
What It's so true though, I mean, come on it. People can learn from you too, girl. We are normal people. I'm normal, We're normal humans.
Right, I do part two phase, Cheryl. I'm still I'm not in.
Your mid thirties. You just got out of a very long relationship. You just moved as well, Like this is a very similar path.
Similar but haven't had the marital relationships and haven't.
But you would have, don't lie.
I would have for sure, I would have had my relationship progress, but it did not.
Correct until you bounced good girl.
Yes, but I want to I want to go back to you because we touched on this a minute ago about the not dating, but I want to go back on celibacy. So you have been very open on the podcast about your decision to be celibate, and so I want to know, though, where did that come from? Was that a decision that you made on your own? Were you inspired by somebody else that was talking about celibacy? Was that something that came hand in hand with your sobriety?
Like kind of about where the celibacy came from?
I mean all of the above, but really what I started laughing because it's like, well, if I'm not dating, right, and I'm not necessarily like I'm not even texting like anyone that I'm interested in, right, like whatever it comes natural obviously, Like I'm also not the girl that does like I would never I never have well I mean maybe who cares, but the one night stands, like I just don't especially as a sober woman and just respecting and loving myself. Like I don't do that shit, so it kind of.
Take anybody who does if they're into now I.
Wish I could do. I wish I could separate. Like the thing is, you have sex with me, I fall in love fast, so like this is not a good thing, right, So we're working through this. We're like, Okay, well, maybe it doesn't have to be so intense, like I am such an intense you know woman, Like whatever it is, what it is.
That's really I mean I also think that.
But it hurts, like it hurt like literally, like you have some with me, it's like you're screwed. And this was in the past, and I'm talking past tense, right, and it's and the obsession, the uh not obsession like scary like those weird movies, like that's not what I'm talking about, but like the fact that like it'll completely take over my my thought process, like this person and the fantasy of this person, because it's not real. None
of it is real. Well the only thing that was real with whatever happened physically that you allowed for it to happen, right, And I think a lot of that maybe back in the day when I would have casual maybe relationships or intimacy, it really just continue to chip away at my soul because at the end of the day, that says a lot about me. Right.
Well, yes, it's also important to have sex with feelings, though, I mean I just personally, I think everybody can have casual sex that means nothing, and that's fine and dandy, but we all know that the best kind of sex is when you have that emotional connection to somebody too.
Well, I don't think that's what I'm talking about, because I don't think that's ever happened.
Wait, Cheryl unpacked that for me. What do you mean that has nothing?
It has nothing to do with the person that And I've had sex with more than one person. People. People are going to always everything that I say always relates to my act Like you guys, I am I have dated more than enough.
Yes, we're being very clear. Cheryl is a grown woman.
Yes, I'm not just referring to one every time I do a stupid TikTok. You're like, oh my god, you're not over it. I'm like, wait, what, I've had like twenty relationships, Like actually, anyway, so what is another thing? That has been an ongoing conversation in my therapy session is have I ever been vulnerable enough right to, you know, be truly intimate? And no, because I think it was
because of my sexual abuse as a kid. So for me, certain things are very intimate that I don't do unless and I'm talking about physical things, unless I am one hundred percent feeling safe, and which is very rare. I don't remember when the last time that happened.
Actually, I think that all of that makes total sense. It's interesting to hear you say that you struggle with vulnerability because just in the brief amount of.
Tay intimacy, physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy is what you struggle with you you don't you struggle with vulnerability.
It depends I'm more vulnerable. This is another thing my therapist pointed out via zoom than I am in person.
Well, I was just about to say, in the short amount of time that we've been each other's lives, I feel like you've been incredibly vulnerable and an open book, you know what I mean, Like you Jo when.
You saw me in person, Yes, I felt.
Like that when I saw you in person, you were trying to talk to me about what yeah, going on with me, of course, But I still think that I didn't feel any part of you that was closed off or evasive or anything like that.
I don't think it's so dramatic, right, I don't think it's black and white, But I understand, Like I mean, like if you, if me and you were like by ourselves like I am, like with my therapist, if I saw her face to face, which I have just recently versus zoom. I think that it's interesting because I can feel it. My body's uncomfortable in person when I talk about stuff like this on one on one, let's say, in person versus zoom.
Okay, that's interesting. Well, I kind of want to talk about date. I know dating is not at the forefront of your mind right now.
Is it on you? Is it on yours?
No? But my sadly, but my situation has not been three hundred and sixty five plus days and market situation.
He's counting, but honestly, who's count Why count? No?
Also, Cheryl, if I'm just being totally honest, I am not a bombshell like you.
Yeah, you are, shut up. That's the number one thing that has to change.
What's the number one thing that has to change.
You need to say to yourself because you are a freaking bomb.
You're a catch anyways, Cheryl. I want to know though, because this is what happens with me. I I'm of the mindset in this moment right now for me, I don't know if I will ever date again. And I know that that sounds really dramatic and really whoa because I am not middle aged yet and whatnot A'm somebody listening might right now might be like, is.
But why are you thinking so far?
Because I think similar to what you said, that it's hard for me to connect and it's really difficult for me to connect with men particularly. I have tons of girlfriends, I have about zero male friends and it is just not something that I just I don't like the small chat with men. I don't want to talk about the things that I want to talk about High Housewives, Bravo like that kind of stuff. And no, I've had I've had gay male friends in my life and I that's
not what I'm talking about. But it's like, it's very it was. Dating was always was a struggle for me. It was really hard.
What part of the dating was Oh my.
Gosh, the fact that I wasn't willing to get intimate right away.
Is this prior to your boyfriend?
Yeah, when I was dating like heavily days.
But how long ago was that?
Ten years ago?
Yeah? Things have changed, I think supposedly. Do you believe that you're making it impossible for yourself because you feel like you need to say why you're not willing to date instead of just saying I'm just not into dating period.
No, I'm pretty open. I think also with my therapist and with my circle that I'm not interested in dating at all right now. I don't think I have the capacity anyways. But because also I remember how much effort it took when I did date. So when I was single, I did the blind dates, I did the setups, I did online dating, I did group dating. I did set up.
With people were group dating.
Oh, there used to be a website back in any of the thousands that was called grouper, And you went on and signed up to go on a group date, and what they were weird be paid for it in advance, and the company made the reservation and you all met up at said place.
Wow, you really put way more effort than I ever have or will.
That's why I think that to me is the overwhelming thing that makes me not want to get back out there is I know how much effort I put in to get to my ten year relationship, and I don't have the stamina and the mental ensor okay to put myself through that.
Again right now today.
You don't today, right now, in this moment. But that's why I want to know for you that has had the time physically the distance. You have more distance between your relationship than I do. Right now. I want to know why you're at this place where you're not putting the effort into dating or interested in putting into it right now in your life.
Because I'm putting it into me. Because I was a serial dater, right so, I dated from the age good old ripe age of thirteen until three years ago, back to back. I'm not even joking, not even a day, okay, like it was back to back to back. And these are all serious relationships. But because I was so scared of being lonely, I always had a backup plan. That sounds so bad, but it's true.
But Cheryl, I know people exactly like you. I know a lot of women specifically just like that.
It's scary it's fear of being alone in your own head, your voice and your voices in your head, the thoughts that you think about about yourself. It isn't necessarily enticing, right You're not like I look forward to it, No, But then you do it, and then you realize, oh, it's not that bad. And by the way, everyone thinks like this about themselves and it's normal, but it's so empowering. And I you know, like how the time is really just an illusion? Like for me, I see it. I
was just saying this to my sister. She wants me to do her makeup for her wedding, and I've been like freaking out about that. Anyway, that's a whole nother podcast. But I have been like saying to my sister of like, I don't even know how much time has gone by since my last relationship or whatever. But I also it's like, you know, when something's just not in your zeitgeist, Yeah, like it is not not even close to a priority
right now. And I am being so selfish in a good way that I've never done this before in my life. Like I said, I was a serial dater for twenty years of my life, thirty just kidding thirty years.
Can I say, because I during my single period last time, I felt like I got really good at being single.
Do you feel lonely ever?
I felt lonely a lot of times, but I still pushed through and made myself do things alone because I wasn't going to miss out on activities and memories because I didn't have somebody. And I felt that my relationship came into my life when I was fully secure in being alone, and throughout my relationship, I still did things alone and never allowed myself to become codependent. Now maybe that was a problem, maybe it wasn't. I don't know,
but that's who I was and am still. But I want to ask you because some of the things I did when I was single was like I went traveled overseas by myself, went to the movies by myself. I just did. The last Sunday, I went to a restaurant, sat outside at the table by myself, had my lunch, had my coffee, did not look at my cell phone, did not bring a book, fully sat there in the sun around mind you, this was a crowded restaurant, people
all around me. So I want to know, when's the last time you did any of those things, Cheryl.
I always, I mean the ballroom dancer in me right, So, like I traveled the world alone all the time. But so that's just like was that for work or for pleasure? No? For pleasure? I was dating someone in England?
Okay, but no, no, no, so you were dating somebody.
So also now I won't travel around the world because of my dog. They don't let the dogs go internationally, Okay, But yes, I always, I mean I don't always cause I don't always leave. But yeah, I have no fear with I just don't like the movies. I think it's a dirty place and I just can't sit still. And I have no interest in watching a movie elsewhere when I can watch it here if I wanted to. But I'd rather watch the O. J. Simpson docu series at
this moment. Any who. But as far as restaurants go, yeah, I mean, I have no fear with that. Like that is okay for me. But I don't know if I could do the whole no phone thing. It's part of it, it's part of it, and it's intentional, that's very intentional. But yeah, I guess I could. I mean, I could definitely keep I mean people watching. It's a thing, you know.
I will say I fully was invested in the people sitting next to me in their conversation that they were having having. I mean, I couldn't help the guy was getting next to me and talking. So when you're not looking at your phone, I just I just listened.
And did people come up to you? Did like any high dudes?
No, No, nobody came up to me. But I'm just saying that for anybody listening, those are some small kinds of challenges that you can do for yourself while you're in this. Before this, I do Part two era, because you don't know what's going to happen if you don't put yourself out there. And I know Cheryl doesn't like going to the movies by herself.
I don't like to go to the movies period, even with somebody, sure, But going.
To the movies alone is I think one of the easiest entry points to doing things alone because it is a dark theater, it is quiet. Nobody is going to notice.
And nobody's going to be there. No one goes to the movies, but you're in my sister.
Some people go to the movie, Cheryl. But I'm just saying that's an easy way to start, because some people are like, go to a restaurant alone that is way too daunting, you know what I mean? Andy, By the way, do everything in safety first, So don't go to environments that make you feel uncomfortable, or at night, or drinking alcohol alone.
Working underground garages.
Don't put yourself I'm not saying put yourself in uncomfortable situations where your safety is jeopardized, but I think that's part of you know, doing this whole experience of your next chapter in life is putting yourself into situations where you are alone. I will say I traveled to Greece by myself and it was I've also traveled to Paris by myself, but I will say Greece was a really exciting trip for me because it was inexpensive, it was warm,
and the people were incredibly friendly. So nobody asked me where is my husband? Where is my boyfriend? It was all about being by myself having this experience. I will say it was difficult to take pictures of myself on vacation.
That was fun. But I really do encourage everybody to have some sort of eat, prey love experience, you know, post break up, post divorce, whatever it might be, because you do get a sense of that the world is so big that maybe your problems are your problems, but there's so much more out there to experience in life. And I just encourage anybody that maybe is going through that too. I started with a small weekend trip honestly before I went overseas. So I went from Los Angeles
to Big Sir one weekend. I went on Valentine's Day once.
I love Big Sir. I also think you should do all of this when you're in relationships. I don't think it's just about post anything right prior to anything. It's like because it just reminds you that you are loved by yourself, Like this is part of self care. And I just remember in my past relationships, not just this last one. Sorry, I have to, like you make it clear. I remember that those moments of like, okay, you know,
you do your thing. I do my thing. There was a lot of insecurity there, like a lot of like what ifs, what ifs, what ifs, what ifs they're gonna do whatever they're gonna do with with you being like in a relationship with you or without you, like there's no control over that. But this is this if you really want to ask, like why are you so single?
Because there's so much of the patterns that I want to change, first and foremost for myself that I don't want to be feeling or like not believing the thoughts in my head that start to get worried that someone's gonna cheat, someone's going to do this, someone's gonna lie. And there's always that like that fear instilled in my identity because of you know, my first memory with seeing my father with another woman, like at two, and like there's just all of that like and regardless, like I'm
not blame. It is what it is as my past and I've moved forward. But in order for me to move forward, I need to first of all put that to rest, like all those feelings of insecurity and jealousy and all of it.
Yeah, I mean, this is what's so great about you should is that you are doing the work and you know what your lines are. And I think that that's great. We touched on it just a second ago, but I do want to talk about it is Valentine's Day this week? How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Did you have thoughts about Valentine's Day when you were in a relationship versus what you have now, Like what do you think about it?
I have no thoughts about it, except but when I was in a relationship, the amount of pressure it was always like we have to go on a trip. You have to get me, like you're gonna get me a bunch of roses, right, Like, and if you're with somebody, mind you, I've been in other relationships. And if you are with somebody who may not be so good at planning ahead or like always comes up with a oh, I just haven't had the time. It's like it's just
a Debbie downer because the expectations. You see all these instagram like rose pedals, like going from a mile away to their you know whatever, wherever they're staying anyway, they's sanctuary. It's like so mantic and picture perfect. And then you're like, great, I got twelve, I got a dozen roses? Great, right, And it's just like it's just it's the for me because of my expectations. Now, if I were a Yogi and I had no expectations, then man, would it be amazing. It'd probably be amazing.
I mean, I hear that. I think that social media has really turned the dial on so many people and how we view our relationships through this faith. But I want to know, what do you think somebody should be doing this Valentine's Day that is single, Like should I don't know, should they have a journaling session? Should they be having not? They don't want to do the ins like writing stuff down and.
Burning it, like you should be doing that tonight. There's a full moon, so love it.
Love it?
Yeah, so you should be doing that tonight. Okay there, But as far as I think honestly, when you give anything so much energy right, like it's just I don't know, maybe you do want to do something, maybe when do gallantines? Like for me, I have a little sweater that I was gifted from pr says Isabella on it. It's pink and it has a heart. That's what I'm doing to celebrate. And I'll be probably in this room maybe shooting content
on a how to do Valentine's Day makeup? Like I don't freaking know, I don't know, you know what I'm doing. I'm probably working. Most likely I don't have my calendar in front of me. It's just another day. And another dollar.
Yeah, and listen, I think anybody who maybe this is their first Valentine's Day post split.
Stop looking on social media. Then don't even do it.
Agree, don't open the app.
And if you do it, realize that it's not picture perfect. They're probably fighting right now as you're looking at their posts. Okay, they're probably literally like that's not enough rose petals? How dare you? It wasn't white enough, those white roses like stuff like that, Like you don't want you should just be counting your blessings you're single, or.
Take a page out of Cheryl's book and maybe like order something for yourself to be delivered.
Yeah, just go shop. I do it every day. Every day is Valentine's Day.
Buy yourself the flowers, or have some ice cream delivered.
You can get in person delivered too, Supposedly, who knows.
I said to myself, I need some cute jammies. So I just ordered jammys, ordered some new slippers.
There's some great sales right now, you guys. Go on my shop LTK for more info.
I love that Cheryl. Cheryl's a hustler.
I just had to plug that in.
No, I love it.
How about this just hug yourself like that. You don't understand it. That's powerful. It is a powerful thing. You know you hug you hug you. Hugging yourself is really like all you need. I'm joking, I'm not trying to be corny, but that's the easiest thing. And then also in the mirror when you're brushing your teeth, you need to say how much you love yourself, like I you know what? You know what? Don't even say I love you. You need to do what mel Robbins does and she
does this. She gives herself literally like this a high five and it just gets her to laugh. And I did that straight for like six months. It really changed my day.
Before me go, Cheryl is just because we are in the Valentine's Day zone?
Do you have any forcing this down my throat or.
Have any funny Valentine's Day stories from It's not necessarily funny.
It's more like why why, Like it's almost like I was always the type and I'm speaking past tense where I would be in a relationship and it's like, Okay, clearly he's not gonna do it for me, so I'm gonna do it. And then it look like that he did it for me like I so I was like the person who micromanaged, right, like the.
The Instagram girlfriends.
I planned the cancuon trips, I planned the you know, it's Valentine's Day. And then it was like it's always something day to celebrate, and it was always like, you know, free trips because when you're in a relationship and you know you have a following, they offer free sandals, Saint Lucia. It's like it's always And then like, guess who does all the booking? Like I might as well be a
travel agent, you know, in just organizing everything. And then you're like, wait a second, this is supposed to be celebrated together, like this day is not just about right, and then resentment built. It's a whole thing. You guys and I don't think when we scroll through Instagram, though our lazy brain is active. Right when we're doing this, just remind yourself that this is probably what's happening in
that relationship. Romantic it looks beautiful, it's not reality, no, because it's really I mean, just remember all those doubt, those times where you were just like like really like you just didn't feel loved you didn't feel seen, you didn't feel heard, and you know what, you're gonna have to do that for yourself or learn how to, because then you'll never need it from anybody, And then that's when you're superhero soul mate. There's no such thing comes into your life.
You know, this kind of felt like a mini therapy session, Cheryl, So they did there.
You know what, thanks for joining me. This was it went by so fast, like and I really believe I know it was about me, but it's not. It's about anybody who wants to talk about their story. So thank you. And you know, a lot of people are going to be able to relate to this, and you've helped so many. I know that for a fact, including myself. So if you're like me or like Heather single navigating life post divorce in my case, do you want some advice, call us or email us, follow us on socials. All the
information will be in the show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Maybe