Mansplaining

Welcome to I Do Part two, the podcast that's all about finding love the second time around. Here we are Thelma and Louise, still single, still trying to do our best, and we are luckily in Pebble Beach at the pro am with three amazingly hot, age appropriate guys also from The Bachelor. So welcome. We have Chalk, Gary and Guy,

I'm going to make a slight correction, not the Bachelor, the Golden.

Oh oh sorry, you just look so young.

We are. We are the Golden Bachelor's Golden Bachelors.

From the Golden Batte.

But because we're also in your age range, we just look at you.

I'll take that. I think.

Dating, Yeah, let me slide closer to the guy over here.

My dating life's been great after the show, different days, I met all kinds of women, a lot of trouble.

But how your dating life change post the show? Like, what was that. I'd love to know the dating kind of pre the show.

Pre the show, you know, I I dated differently. I dated locally in the Reno area. But then I decided to, like a lot of us at this age, I delved into the dating apps.

Oh so fun.

It's crazy to tell them our dating app situation.

Interestingly enough, I would actually say, you know, I met a lot of very very nice, fun, intelligent, you know women on the dating apps, oftentimes from me, though they were you know, yeah, I had travel, you know, to to be able to actually see them in person because they don't don't necessarily live in the Reno Tahoe area.

Can I ask a question real quick though, percentage wise? How many of their pictures look like them?

That's my question, and then we'll give you.

I also want to know your age range too, because that's the whole thing we experience in la Is. Guys want to date.

Way younger or they put you know, their age, They put their ages sixty and then in their comments they say my age is actually seventy two, and I'm like, that didn't make sense.

There's a lot of attack.

Let's jump to this because I told you I'll ask anything. Okay, So women do that all the time and they go, well, guys want younger women. So we'll start with you. Is it Thelma or Luise?

Theoma?

Louise, I'm Thema. What's catuemb the youngest guy?

Well, I'm not gonna lie post divorce and my divorce was a bit unique. My recipe for kind of moving on was a little different.

And so I got divorced. At how old was I?

It was twenty fourteen for both of us, and we're so you were forty one forty.

One, so I probably like, I mean twenty five, but like I telling you, it was, it was. It was one. It was it was literally like two.

Or three for six months, and then it was like, okay, many we have nothing in common.

They'd just gotten their first credit.

Card and like we get n I do think part of the journey in life too, is you need to do that to see if that's what you want.

Oh I didn't want it.

I just needed to like heal and that was like my process and then and then I was like I'm ready for people that I can actually relate to.

Yeah, and you.

So when I first got divorced, I was on a girl's trip to New York, and my friends were like, we're going to do something different for you, and so there poured me out there and they found some young, hot guy and you basically sent him home with I don't even know if there was uber than ten years about ten years ago and it was literally one and done, and I was like, this is just not my jam,

Also, this could be a misconception, but I feel like, as a woman, I don't want to date somebody too young because I don't want to feel old. And I think a misconception that I have is do men want to date younger women because then it makes them feel kind of either young or it's a trophy.

And yeah, and so for me dating someone younger, I would not go below ten years below my age. I want someone that's refreshing.

In Los Angeles, ye age appropriate for.

Me because coming up through the ranks like we do, we look they are still finding their way and I'm at a point in my life now where I don't want to help you find in your way. I don't have time because it's just not worth it and it's very expensive. As you can imagine dating someone younger who's expecting an older guy to step in and be like this totally. So it's ten years for me, I will go fifty.

Five, but not below that.

He's sixty five, doesn't he look good for me? Amazing?

Golden, amazing? Okay? Yeah, you what about you guy? What what's your age?

Like?

Yeah, let's take kind of too criteria with that, and I would, you know, be in the same lines as Gary here somewhere around ten years. But you know, I don't put in an absolute age because I mean if they were fifty three and you know there was a connection, yea, I would go down. In other words, no, no, you know, no, you know, you know it would be flattering. But the reality is that you alluded to you just don't have

Well. And also, I mean it's not pretty to talk about, but what about the health.

I mean, let's be honest.

Well, and that's the other is that, you know, especially if somebody is younger and they actually would be interested in going out with you to say, you know, I'm sixty six, you know, and let's say you're forty six. Well, when you're my age, I'm going to be eighty six years old. Do you really want that?

Women?

Women a much better than than men do.

So you three of aged really well.

I do have a story for you. That's that's a that's comforting.

You know the date that Joan and I had at Disneyland, the first one on one date. The execs give you a whole and I came back and I said, guys, I'm going to start.

Giving this story. No, we saw it on the show, but what.

You didn't see here is I said, Okay, I'm going to give this prize to which one of you bachelor guys bachelorette guys has been with the youngest woman. And I will not tell you because it's guycode, but it would absolutely surprise the fans who'd been with the youngest woman.

Oh you have you have to say, gee, I love guy.

Not this guy.

So you're the guy, you know.

Because you said guy and I'm thinking it was not guys. Brother of advanced.

They could sit there and think about that, but it was somebody you would least expect.

I love guy.

Remember who it was?

Yes?

Yeah, By the way, the whole frat aspect. Can you imagine going back in time after like living the lives you live and then literally going back into a frat house mentality? How much fun to do that for another kind of sliver?

Well, ironically we were roommates.

No, my gosh, no one of you guys are sitting so cozily on that couch together.

If it were any of us, we'd be the same way for the for the whole crew.

We had a lot of late conversation. Yeah, it was great.

Did you two do apps? Also?

No, I did an app like twenty thirty years ago, not thirty.

Oh my god, I'm really sure my age.

Uh, it was like around the early two thousands, and I had some pretty good luck with that because it was like the third time in that was someone that I ended up being with for like eight.

To ten years. Wow, So it.

Worked out in my favor. But now I don't that's that's not my choice of.

So do you find it easy to meet women in kind of real life? I mean, I assume after the show it's probably also easier.

Well, I mean, has your approached I guess you had your kind of pre the show and then post show. Do you feel like your approach to dating is different as a result of the show and kind of what is that now?

These guys are getting a lot of action.

I mean, the women are coming out of it's as guys.

It's very flattering, it's very flattering. But I've become more selective. I become more confident in my own skin, saying I don't want, I don't need, I'm not looking, and so you know these's that's just not.

Going to work.

So you're discerning, Yeah, very much.

So very much.

So how about you guys regarding you know what?

I yeah, you know, it has been interesting phenomenon since, you know, after the show, because you know, I didn't realize it would I would be recognized as much as I am, even you know, if you go to Vegas. I'm just was kind of just blown away, like how many people stop me. Didn't realize how popular the show was and how many people really tune in. And they they really you know, different different guys. They resonated with their character, not the characters, but their personality.

But that is such a universal theme, right, so it just appeals to so many everybody.

Basically it is. And so yeah, I mean, you know people, you know, I have been approached you know, more than once, less than a thousand times. I don't know, somewhere around there. But it's you know a lot of times. You know, you have to be very careful, especially if they slide into your DM because everybody, yeah, they maybe they want you know, just there five minutes of fame or whatever. It is like that.

Okay, So what's the best story you've had thus far?

He does have a good one.

He's got at least one good Come.

On, you've been on national television.

You got to tell us, yes, yeah, yes I did. I did meet somebody who you know, just kind of reached out. And oftentimes you get these messages and it's almost like fan mail. They just are there and they're so supportive. I've not received one negative message from anyone. It's it's it's overwhelming. Actually, the number of very positive comments.

Are they writing from prison?

You know?

I don't know that. Yeah, oh my god, but I can tell you I'll finish going going back. You know, Yes, I have been catfished.

Have you several times interesting. So have you guys dated kind of anyone specific since the show? Like, have you formed a connection with anybody?

Can I go back?

One thing I do want to say about dating younger. I have a twenty five year old daughter and she and I are very close, and she goes, Dad, if you ever date anyone close to my age, I'm bringing a sixty five year old man home.

So it's my kids have a strong opinion too, they said to me. They came on from college and they said, Mom, we're getting very concerned about your options. I was like, what do you mean. They go, it just seems like it's like the twenty five year old or you know, the eighty year old, and I was like, wow, that sounds pretty grim. Do you have a preference, they said the older guy. I said, okay, good to know that's awesome.

But I think ten years is good. I like your ten years, so that's kind of mine as well. I think ten years because ten years can be physical, but it also like people can be really an old or a young But I think using ten years is kind of the rain good benchmin.

I just think if you're in love, let it have Oh, says the guy I worked out for Jones nine muths older than I am.

I mean, do you believe an instant connection or do you guys believe more in a slow burn in terms of the longevity or the health of a relationship.

Personally speaking, my relationships, the serious ones had been really first impression really where you just go like butterfly. But there's been a lot that, you know, you go hey, I kind of like them when it fizzled out. But with Joan, I can't speak for her that it was pretty much instant.

And what about the concept of like when you feel a spark, it's almost like a warning signal or like a mirror of your childhood one.

That's you, that's I don't feel that way really yeah, Or.

You just have bad decisions. I mean, you know you like a bad type of person. And I shouldn't say bad, but I've said this on other podcasts. My mother had this big thing going. If that significant other than your person in your life doesn't make your life better, it's the wrong person. And it's pretty simple. They need to make your life better. Not that they're all about you, but your life is better because they're in your life.

I agree with that.

They also need to elevate you, Like we're really big on people.

That fell instant connection thing is is really important because I think that there is an attraction that you have to have for them physically and you're feeling something emotionally and the adrenaline that comes from that you say, this is someone I want to spend some time with so ultimately yeah, and get to know. So from that perspective, I think it is important to have that initial attraction of Wow, this I'm feeling something right now. It's like an energy yes, totally, totally.

Yeah, you know for me it's it's I would say that immediate. I would say that when I've had, you know, the really intense relationships, I know, within days.

Okay, so how do you follow up?

So you have you meet somebody you have this instant connection and chemistry, and I guess it's kind of interesting talking to you right now because you guys are both being sought after by many, right, so it might not be we haven't based i mean leveled out right, Not that you're ever going to level out.

I'm sure it's just going to have the pick of the litter rocket. You have the pick of the letter right now. But at your age and our age.

When you meet somebody and you like them right away, like do you come on strong?

Do you play games? Do you you know what I mean?

Way to customary three days before texting them, Like what's your approach?

I think it's more natural where if I'm feeling the need to text or call and vice versas, so it's a two way street. And if I'm getting the age, yeah, yeah, the games as I mean, you're done.

Nobody likes somebody who smiles you. I mean, let's just be honest.

To right totally.

Yeah, some people do and they want somebody. I know. I've got people in my life that they're my mother or husband. They took a trip for eighteen months. They were together every day.

Oh my gosh, it's amazing.

And their lives were just built around each other. But I think that's the exception or other people like Jonah and I we kind of like those three or four days where were we have a do our laundry. To not have that pressure when you get older, it's just I can do the things I need to.

And we talk about that a lot, like not needing the twenty four to seven yeah, kind of day to day.

But I think It's also different because if you have been single for a while or divorced or you know, on your own, you get used to your autonomy and your independence and then you want somebody. But it's like, how do you incorporate a significant other into your life? And I always have the question for people, like do

I think that's why you date. You spend time with people. Yeah, you know, it comes back to the smother and some people want contact all the time. Other people don't, and you spend that time with them. You go, this is what I'm comfortable, this is what I like in my life. And you could love somebody, but it's just the little things could push you apart.

Yeah, totally, you know.

As and as Chuck mentioned earlier about his mom and her husband at eighteen monthly, I think it's generationally that age group was more connected. Our age group is more I need a couple days every so often too recalibrate.

To recalibrate, the younger group is like, we're going to text from a different building.

I'm learning the game, so I'm going to play the game. I'm not going to reach out for three days. I'm not I can't call them within a certain period of time. So I think generationally it makes a difference at our age, right, that's a good point totally.

I just think also at our age, like in terms of the spirit of no games, like what happens when you go out with somebody or on a date and you just to your point, you don't feel it right away? How do you kind of directly say, like I didn't feel a love connection or I mean, you're not gonna we're not going to got somebody at our age right direct please.

I'll the last. I'll the last. You know, if I meet somebody and I'm not, you know, feeling the connection right away, I don't prolong it at all. I think it's a disservice to the other person too, you know, if they're developing emotional attachment to you and you're not to them. So I usually just say, you know, gosh. And most time they're really nice, you know, wonderful people, but you're just not feeling it. So I just you know, politely say, you know, I'm just exactly that you.

Do it face to face.

At this point.

Not after one or two dates though, No, But I mean, oh, I'm saying one or two dates and to their.

Face, I well, at least still on a telephone conversation, if not in their face.

No, I'm not like, is it at the restaurant where you're like, you.

Know, oh no, no, no, no, because you want to like, you know, kind of everything you know, think about. It's just but oftentimes I know, within.

Fifteen minutes and you can kind of read the root. I mean think I've been on dates where I can tell maybe they're not into me or I'm not in I mean, we all can kind of pick up on the cues now, right, Yeah.

So I think it's it's a lot of respect for the other person too, though, because I don't think you have a right to sit there and go I don't like you because of.

This, right.

Oh, And it's you know, sometimes you can ghost them sometimes, you know, and if you get ghosted, there's no interest.

But I think treat people you want to treat it. I mean, I know it's a simple role.

But then I think it comes back to what obligation do you have you go out with somebody for a date or two? Are you obligated to say I don't.

Really like you? Okay?

But see here's my problem. We kind of differ on this.

I we both believe the chivalry is not dead, so we love like a true gentleman open your door.

I mean, that's a garage.

We really like that.

But I feel a little uncomfortable because of course I'm flattered and appreciate when people buy me dinner, but then I kind of feel this obligation sometimes where I'm like, oh, like I can't leave the table.

Even if I'm not interested because he just bought me dinner. And that's rude. And you know, I mean, I don't know, it's just it gets complicated.

That's just day why. I have a question for you too, So let's go talk about paying for dinner. What are your opinions on who should pay for dinner?

There's some meditation here, No, there's not. I mean, look for me, it's like I'm raising two boys, and you know, this is something we talk about we believe in chivalry. We're in our fifties. I like when a man, you know in the beginning, has paid for my dinner. I'm happy to treat and do things and do special things, but I don't.

I don't know. I believe in chivalry still.

Yeah, I'm with you one hundred percent, and I'm raising.

My boys and I'm raising my boys that way.

Agree more. Yeah, totally, I would not. There's no way I would. For the first day, I would not pay for it.

Well, I also think.

If you so he's saying, if somebody asks me, if a man asks me out to dinner, you have invited me to dinner.

So I would expect you to pay. But I will tell you I wouldn't expect.

I would be appreciative if you paid, and I would always when the check came for me first dinner, would always say, oh, that's so nice.

Are you sure? And I definitely like I would so that it's not a conclusion.

And I mean, but I will tell you if you did take it and split it, it would just be a note to me like okay. Again, if we dated subsequent times, or if I said, hey, I'd like to take you, you know what I mean, for a hike and lunch or whatever. I feel like I invited him and I would pay. So it's but at the beginning, especially, I like when somebody.

Kind of I want to speak for these three guys. Even if you offered to pay, we're going to pay. But after a number of days, it's kind of nice when I'll pick up one, right, I'll get.

The valet or show up with like a candle or something like that. Like I went away. I was dating somebody and we went away for the weekend and I showed up with like, I don't know, like a cute viewery hoodie, and he was like so knocked out by it. He's like wow, And I was like, you're so generous with me. So there's different ways to show appreciation, but that thank you, because PEO will not say thank you.

When they don't thank you, I remember that and then you go back to it they raise that way, or they just don't like you, or but you know, you psycho analyze everything on that.

You guys, You like, what's a good day, what are we doing?

What do you women?

I'm on a roll here, but I got to ask a question back to Bezos fiance's dress at the inauguration. I want a woman to look good, joke always looks.

Good, sophisticated, amazing, and I.

Don't want to say Lauren Sanchez. But to me, that was inappropriate first day. If somebody dresses a little inappropriate, I'm out.

Okay, so you're more sophisticated, not sexy.

Class I don't mean classic, understated.

Classic, classic, classy.

You're not allowed to use the word classy.

My mom said, if you you have to say a class act.

You're not allowed you classy.

Okay, class class and reason. Let these guys on.

I was trained that a first date, a first interview, you're probably going to get the best out of the person, and if they're looking trappy or something like that, it's probably going to go downhill. We can argue that, but that's because when you have a date with a guy, if you have interest, you're putting your a game on.

Okay, okay, we talk about outfits, So what I hear what you're saying, But outfits like do you like do you like.

Do you like women to show up a little more dressy casual? Like what like?

Well, we have ray vision, you don't have to put it out there. We can tell what you look like naked.

Do you know that. I had a guy show up and I said, how do you decide between lunch and dinner? And he says, if I'm a little unsure about the pictures, I like lunch because it's during the day so I can really see her body when she's walking towards the tablets.

I like, you know, I like the words you use class act. It depends where we're going, and we're going to go to the beach, to a restaurant, or if we're going to go in town, depending on the setting, which makes a big difference. Read them, but read the room, know the lay of the land, and just be class act about how you're representing yourself. Because it's saying something about you as a person. I'm already casting judgment and passing.

You know.

My opinions internally, like is this gonna work?

Is this someone that.

I could take to Yes, it's someone I can take to the baseball game. Is this someone I can bring home to the kids, or if there's a family event or if we're going to a picnic. How is is this person going to be in a in a mini skirt with you know, with with bo. Yeah, so yeah, it's it just depends. It just depends.

Thoughts same and yeah, I'd like them to dresh appropriately for the occasion, and I'd like them to look very stylish. I want them to look attractive, you know, I want I don't have any trouble if you know, you know they turn people's heads when they want absolutely not because of something over.

The you don't want to walk flower absolutely.

Something to sometimes you know, like I have a date recently and I had a woman cup up and said, you are the luckiest guy in this in this restaurant right now because of the person I was with, and it's you know, I mean made me feel really really good, like I am lucky.

Do you like one woman approach you?

I mean, do you like women that are more shy and reserved and you make the first move or how do you feel when that's an interesting.

Point you make because these days and at this time, it's a lot different when you yes, it's amazing. Well, one thing I was going to say that I'm going to piggyback on what guys said, is I love a woman who walks in the room and the furniture leads her way or the heads turned, everyone is like, and I get to sit there and say, she's with me.

We really did get along.

There was just different personality, different issues, but no fact, no fights, no cat fight or anything like that, and it was really great. We called it free group therapy just because you know, we've all had some happened in our lives and we sit down just as guys go, man, this happened to me and another guy. It wouldn't want up in you. It was just I've been through this. It was fantastic and with all.

Due respect, we gave each guy the opportunity to finish their story because it was for me it was more of a spiritual journey and being comfortable in my own skin. But allowing these guys to get out their stories that we don't usually or often get to, who talk about what we have buried to allowed us to be the men that we are today.

So it was really twofold. Like a lot of the show was the actual living in the house and creating these relationships and doing that, and then the other part of it was dating Joan finding love and doing that part as well. Absolutely really important.

And that's interesting because I watched the show first, I said, as great as your love story was, and it was amazing and still is.

I The takeaway for me was watching the camaraderie between all of you. It was touching.

And to watch guys really let down their barriers and share things and their insecurities and their again their emotional baggage or you know, talking about families and everything. It was I mean, I'm getting chills as I say it. But I said to Nika, I said, that was the takeaway for me. And when people were crying when they were leaving the show, it wasn't. I mean, they loved Joan and it connected with Joan, but they were equally as sad to leave each other.

I mean, you as we're sad that thing came to an end.

Yeah. I referred to it as a retreat for sexagenarian man, and you know, it was very interesting and sure these guys will you know, attest to this is that you think, you know, you're sitting around the pool or you know, around the mansion that we would be talking about you know, football, baseball, those kind of things. We talked about our lives, we talked about our past history, we talked about things we've

Is vulnerable moments.

Yeah, and they allowed me to, you know, and that and I journaled the whole thing and you know, for that whole time, and it was and then I go back and look at that and the intense.

I felt safe telling my story. I felt safe sharing my.

Story with these guys.

Have you any to be vulnerable friendships?

Have kind of absolutely And guy and I talk a lot. I said, guide code, but it's really grown up cold code because we talked about stuff and they didn't show, you know, some of it was picked up on the cameras, but we talked about life change, the stuff from death to bad marriages. We did things right, we did things wrong. I've yet to see one guy betray the other one.

Yeah. There's a lot of men's group in LA where we live. You know, I have a lot of friends who do it and it's kind of like a safe space and similar to almost what you guys experienced living.

To the fact that you were all kind of caged animals and had a lot of time together or do you know, like.

Go back to casting and luck, because I do think there was part of it going is this person sol good? And part of it will this journey be good for them as well? But again not one guy's betrayed another guy, and that's phenomenal because all the producers go, you wouldn't leave these young kids.

They can't fight and everything.

It's just we mature.

I think it's just different and under like the unlike the younger version of the show, you know, the the regular, the twenty year old Bachelor's where it's competitive and cat fights and this, I mean you all were rooting for each other when you were going on the dates.

I mean, I'd like to just slightly correct. We weren't caged. We were together like a fraternity. So there was this amazing journey initially of getting through the process and it became a point of I'm going to prove that my record is so clean that I'm able to go and do this. And then there was the night, the first night of the rose ceremony, and that was the initiation. And once that happened, we were like a fraternity.

Would you agree with that.

Yes, the thing the thing that I really liked, And there was a lot of fans going, you've got these mature guys and you're putting them in bunk beds and all that. It was fantastic. Yeah, and there wasn't really one of the It was a change for one person, but there wasn't real anybody that complained about And it was great. I didn't say that, but I watched it. He could, he could speak for himself. But you look at the relationships. You know what night we're sitting there talking.

Yes, it exists, like some of the real emotions that come up as you're all vying for Joan, Like how did that also kind.

Of I would say, No, there.

Was nothing so refreshing here.

That was not Yeah, I don't know how hell it was, you know when the women you know, kind of behind closed doors. But we didn't really we didn't, at least I didn't talk about Joan with other guys very much. We we all had the per se, you know, but we just kind of talked about the experience and they supported each other and whatever was happening. So you know, Toxic on On is one on one that Disneyland. Everybody was like so happy.

For right and when he got back, how'd he go? When you want to talk about it? I, oh my god. And then so it's like that had.

Two moments of jealousy and I think I should I was the final guy. So the big the reward one on one date was the helicopter ride. Yes, and we all knew it was going to happen, we just didn't know who. And so the guys and it was it was Keith on this and so they the producers go, you guys, go get out in the pool. We knew

I remember, and then I needed to be up there.

And then Mark when he got the date with Joan uh because last year they took a helicopter to this big yacht and landed on it and so it said like bring your fishing pool or something, so we knew it was off shore and Bart comes.

Back to the date.

He is just gleating. I mean he is, and I go brother, camera goes, well, tell me about the boat. He goes, I w wasn't on a boat. We're all like this, he goes, I was on a yacht. So yeah, it's not like, you know, he got a one up. It's like, man, that would have been fun. But you know, Disneyland worked out real well for Jona and I. It gave us a lot of time together.

Did you learn any dating tips from the show, like from each other as you watched guys approach And.

For me it wasn't. It wasn't like that. It was just be you.

I can benefit.

From what you did or what you said or something like that. But it was more of just enjoy this moment that I have. Not necessarily I'm going to copy and do what the guy did.

If there's not a woman that hadn't fallen in love with this guy because his I say soulfulness, but you're carried.

He was.

I'll tell you, he was the most carrying guy on the show. Absolutely when somebody was was asked to leave something like this, the consoling uh he was helped me in a situation that I had. This was the best guy on the show.

You that off of you.

And he's the best dress you've ever seen. I mean, but you.

Said that guy was such a good friend, and Kim Cutson, you know, for his personality, caught a little bit of heat. The guy was there friending Kim and he was the one that stood up and sang the song. Yes, Yes, I give him kudos. And then when you talk to Charles l about his wife that I don't think you'd see that, and it was heartfelt.

You saw the change in Charles like he needed to hear that.

Yeah, I will say that. You know, when I was having the conversation with him, I didn't realize the impact I was having at the time because I've had that conversation with patients for a thousand times, right as working thirty five years in the er. When I watched it after on the show, I was going, Okay, no matter what happens the rest of the show, whether I get another rose or anything.

You made an impact.

I mean, the opportunity to be able to impact somebody's life like that.

So sweet is you have a great bedside manner. I bet you are a very you know the way you dealt with patients, I'm sure was really special.

You know. One of the things I will say is that, you know, because you're talking about like other people's playbook, the way I looked at and I think everybody else was, you know, probably at the same time. And I didn't think of it as being a competition when I was there. What I was trying to find out was was Joan my person and the my Jones person and could we see having, you know, an extended relationship. That's what the I was like, Man, I need to be X, Y

I think that's so important with dating now is I think you know, I used to spend a lot of time I don't want to say, like trying to sign the guide because I, you know, I just wanted to make sure then that I had the choice. And now I sit on a date and as much as I I worry less if they're feeling a connection to me, it's more about am I feeling a connection to them? And that matters almost just as much because the rejection piece was super tough for me back in the day.

Can I real quick, I need to go back and say something. I did have one other moment of envy, and I want your whole listening audience to have this. I came in the show and I was working out hard and I'd lost some weight. I was in pretty good shape, and there were some other guys that were in good shape. But I thought I was in real good shape till guy took a shirt off and then I was.

Like, I.

Can't compete.

I was just ripped.

So I did have to say that.

Yeah, I know.

So did you guys kind of get ready for the show, like made sure you were bringing your best version of yourself?

Yeah?

But then something happened. Once you get there and they've got all your wonderful.

Foods, do you kick the food?

We killed their ole meals?

Yeah? Yeah. There was there was no chef.

And uh catering catering or well there was catering when we had our our parties and stuff like that, but there was no you know, it was It was really humbling with what we had to go through, and it made us more grounded, I think, and helped us to realize what's really important. Here are us and not anything else outside of here. And again Jackie's role was putting

We kids to be able to see each other again. So it's it's been fun. At the mansion, it was it was family. It was like being in a family because we had ye had some some men who were really good at cooking. Like I don't cook.

I know, however, however, that reminds me of story all about but but I really couldn't do that well.

But I knew how to wash and dry dishes and put them away. And I said, that really was it was you cook, I'll clean the mess up. I'm good with that. So it was.

And some guys enjoyed cooking, like Mark Anderson. He really enjoyed putting together these meals without hesitation, and that was that was great.

I got to tell you, I was fortunate to meet Mark Anderson. That guy, he's the guy if you had a sister you'd want him him to date or he was just solid, great dad. He was really solid during the whole thing. And when Joan came and said, you're not going to move on to the next thing, we were saying goodbye to him and he whispers in my ear. He goes, invite me to the wedding. Oh yeah, oh.

And she was broken hearted to let him go, just because she knew what a just great, solid guy he was well and know there was a connection.

I know better than anyone else other than Joan, just the struggles she had letting people go and with Guy, you know, and she told me about that. She goes, I didn't want to take him to that next level because you know, and I didn't even know about it until afterwards. And she goes, well, and what the story was, and I told Guy this the other day because we didn't talk about this, is they kind of pit the two people, the two contestants at the end against each other.

She was super elegant in the way she handled every situation.

She was so there you go. She's a class act.

She really is not class but class.

You can't say classy. My mom says, you just can't say classic. You just can't say classy.

I can't say class.

So do you know? So one of the things that she and I do, and I wonder because I think a bunch of you are single still so and you all obviously keep in touch with each other. So a lot of times when we'll go on a date and maybe it's not a fit or vice versa, is we will gently recycle, use, recycled.

So we say one recycled.

Because we did say that one woman's trash.

It's like because trash, just what is it? Trash?

He's not trash. It's just it didn't wasn't fit.

Yeah, good, God didn't aligne.

So has that happened? Because you all know each other so well, like perhaps have you gone out with woman that perhaps wasn't for you, but you think guy would be a great fit, and have you done that? Or we do should So I'm actually going out. I'm actually going out with.

Somebody that I went out with and then she gave to her sister and the sister didn't connect with him.

And now I'm going out the next.

Compliment, it's a complimentary charm.

I mean, he's not me, He's okay, why don't you well, darling, he's not. And so I mean, what a great.

Wouldn't you be if you.

Were a guy and somebody said, you know, it wasn't a fit. But I think enough of you that I think you should go out with one of my friends.

I have a success story in my life. I grew up with a lady. She's a client, she's a friend of mine. We climbed Kilimanjaro together.

You want it.

It's not on your bucket list.

September, but that's where the car during the show and that surgery, so it was off. I'm sorry, but I have it from next year.

So she lived in Austin and she on a dating app, went out and met somebody and the guy goes, you know, and you say, not for me, but he goes, I've got a guy that you should meet. And it was his best friend. They've been married for like twelve years. Oh wow, And I mean, just the greatest couple.

You never know.

But what a compliment is going on? I do it that time, Yeah, because we all want something different in our lives.

It's also that energy is there. You know, you might be the most fabulous guy and we might sit across the table and not feel an energy, and all of a sudden you sit there with her and you're like, my god, this is my person.

Well, some people like smart people, you know, some people like tall people, some people like a type personalities.

You know, it's just there's it's just so different.

And what we're looking for in our twenties is different than our thirties, is different than our forties. Like, what are you guys looking for now in your sixties?

I say the sea word compatibility. You've got to be compatible.

I hope, I hope that's the sea worder.

Well, I've said that befotunate word. What's he going to say?

But there's a lot of there's a lot of still.

Sexual to say, you've got to be turned on by, but the compatibility because you've been in a bad relationship, you've been in a bad relationship, you have there is almost nothing worse. There's death and all that, but being in a bad relationship where you don't want.

To get through. I don't feel like I've had many bad relationships.

Want to get divorced.

Well that's another.

Another podcast.

You know, I'm going to jump off of your first c because they had asked me early on, you know, like whether you're looking for in a relationship, and I actually came up with the five seas, which I expanded to eight, and it was it was communication, it was compatibility, it was commitment, it was caring, it was compromise. I also throwing comedic, I love.

I love my God.

That's not negotiable.

Yeah.

Yeah, and chemistry you need to nine.

That's no. That was that was the one of that and they never ate My brother Gary christ.

Got it nice. It's a lot to see, really works for a lot of important Where's it in a relationship?

What advice can you give to women in terms of good spots? I mean this sounds so tried after the conversation we've had, but good spots that maybe they can meet men or best ways to approach men or position themselves online. And I know that's a broad question, but just like whatever speaks.

To you, can I go first?

Absolutely?

Yeah, because I just did this on a podcast. Is when you're on an elevator, say hi to someone, when you're in the grocery store, just say hi to someone. You just never know what they're going to say. They could be in the same position when they're looking for someone, and the high is not you're not being aggressive or anything else. But then there's a lot of guys on the show that have met people the ladies have DM

It also doesn't drop out of the sky like you have to put effort into meeting somebody.

Well, and if you want somebody in shape, go to the gym. You want religion, you can go to church. A lot of churches have a single deals you know what's important to you, or do a little bit of all of it. You never know. But I think the best thing is to go to your friends and go, hey, I'm ready to date. If you know anybody your friends. That referral system is incredible.

Well, you have to tell you what we're doing just quickly.

Okay.

So I really wanted her to start dating again, and I said it's time to go on an app and she was just like, I'm not feeling it. So I said, fine, So I am her Sereno de Bergerac. I am doing all of her online dating.

It is my picture, it is my picture.

I wrote everything. I'm doing all of it. And then I call her be like, just gave somebody your number. But the problem is is sometimes I answer questions like as if it's so then she hates coffee. I love coffee, and you know, I'll say like.

Oh so they invite me to coffee.

Coffee, but it's been really fun or instead, But it's been fun.

And the nice thing is it's actually been kind of freeing because you're not attached to the result.

I'm not at touched.

It's it's nice because I'm not going to call. You're not going to call because I haven't even engaged.

Well, let's be semi intellectually interesting.

What do you want?

Way to turn it back on us talk.

I want something a little unconventional, but in terms of personality and person I want somebody that I admire and look up to and makes me a better person and challenges me to get outside of my comfort zone and become just a more evolved, interesting and smart person. But I want somebody that's funny, intelligent, confident, and also has their own life and interests. Not that I I mean, not that I want I want to do things together, but I am somewhat independent and I have a full life.

What I mean? With their extended family or their grandkids or whatever. They have a widow. You know, they're widowers and they need to be somewhere.

I'm okay if we don't do everything all the time together and we have certain traditions that we maintain separately.

She been divorced for a while oh what.

Is that she's used to being on her own?

Absolutely, yeah, that you're okay with it?

Yeah, I am. And I think that I have to work on maybe being a little more needy. Truly I do.

I don't.

I mean, needy is an unattractive word, but I think that I give off the air that I don't. I think that that might be off putting. And it's like, I say, I want to date, but if I'm not making somebody feel like.

They're adding value, I think. I guess men, I think we we want to be how do I say this, Well, just say it. I think we want to feel like we are still the man. We want to still feel like we're adding value in that way. And it's kind of tricky because times have changed such that there is such independence and women who have such great success, and

And I'm additive to her life wouldn't feel.

Yeah, and that and that's I would. I would say that you you want somebody who enhances your life and you enhance their life.

Yeah, there's a piece that's important for me which I didn't have in my marriage, which is I need the person to be like my park bench, the person who I can sit next to just look at the birds, either laughing hysterically or totally comfortable in silence. Somebody who's really my best friend. And if it's not one hundred percent additive, like she was saying, I don't need to

Yeah, well said it's good.

And we are strong.

So I think I want somebody who is strong in their own ways that I can maybe not come across so strong.

So why I like strong?

I like strong women across very strong to you.

No, not strong in the in the sense.

Of overpowering, not overly.

No, I think this is a wonderful thing. It's very attractive to me to find someone with that kind of drive because.

I feel like.

Three times a charm and we're going to keep it going. But I think it's attractive to have.

A strong woman. But right, I mean, I don't want.

Somebody who's just this little doormat doormat and following me every It's like, where's your life?

The military does this. They do a summary after every mission. What went right? What went wrong? Have you done that?

Chuck? I feel like we need to have a therapy session after this. I really do.

Like we're here all weekend. I might have an hour session, give metactifully, you have to.

Look at it and go if I do want someone, but it's it's luck and it's time, and it's just but you know what, why hasn't it worked? And I just got lucky because you could say the same thing to me and I go, I couldn't put this thing together if I had to. My daughter signed me up for the show.

She was luck. She did.

My daughter did the application. You asked this question earlier as if she were me, and what I do?

I'm doing her online dating and I think nothing is random. I think people come into our life, whether it's a lesson or a blessing, something to learn. Right, So, in terms of taking stock of each relationship and what you learn and what you're going to take with you, what was the good, what was the bad, It all kind of builds up to hopefully what becomes your final destination.

And you learn then you learn the non negotiables, Oh for sure on that, which.

Are That's a whole nother thing.

That's a podcast number two.

Yeah, that's a whole another potlem we all have, Yeah, as we should.

So we we kind of for the last few minutes, we came up with this idea of doing well. Actually Andy Cohen did a Bravo, but we want to do our own game of rapid fire, which is like basically this or that, and we're going to just each of you, you know, kind of throw out a scenario and you know, you just respond with what the answer is?

Okay, okay, you want me to start yep, street smart or book smart smart, night out on the town or quiet night in, Quiet night in, if a woman drinks a bit too much on a first date, endearing or a turnoff run turn off, implants are oh natural, Oh.

I like them, big Gary.

Both anything.

Both phone call or FaceTime.

FaceTime.

I don't do face phone call.

Phone call.

You're young and heart the phone call.

You know, a phone call to begin with, but you need to move to a face at least. I've just learned this. You know, I need to have like I actually have FaceTime dates. I'll say, let's just, you know, get a.

Across from the guy could wake up after ten sleeping. He's gonna look pretty. That's what he needs, you know, It's just that's how he is.

And I think you really quick. The FaceTime thing really takes away from the touching, the feeling, that very intimate moment you need to have with someone. It just ruins that just being able to reach out and and see your expressions in person.

No, don't get okay, this was a rapid fire people.

Does it matter if a person cooks or doesn't cook.

I like some of the cooks. I like cooking.

Okay, final one sending a nude or sending a funny meme.

Funny meme, no nudes.

Okay, guys, you have been amazing.

Wait do you have a rapid fire one for each of us?

I don't want to.

He doesn't want to do asked for shoulders, shoulders, shoulders, Blonder, Brunette, Bnette, Brunette, Barnette, no comment.

Parties, so much fun. Thank you for doing this with us.

You're very welcome. I can't just say one thing, just you know, with these guys, and we had this connection with all all the guys on the show, but I do have to say that, you know, we three were roommates along with two other guys, Charles and Michael. I have to compliment Chalk because he he's been so gracious to everybody. He is, He's very articulated, he speaks really well. He is a good therapist, and I was on the receiving end of some of those therapy sessions and hopefully

In conclusion, hopefully we gave our listeners a real kind of bird's eye view into the minds of these amazing men Golden Bachelors for all things dating in our age as we all look for our chapter two. Thank you so much, guys.

Thanks for having us, Thank you, thank you so If you're having a hard time getting back into the dating scene or ready to get back out there but don't know where to start, definitely reach out to us. You can call, you can email, follow us on socials. All the information will be in the show notes, and make sure to rate and review this podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. Watching