You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone, welcome to I Choose Me.
You know it.
This podcast is all about the choices we make and where they lead us. You know my guest today from his roles in so many things, Rules of Engagement, Nashville, Splitting Up Together, and I recently had the best conversation with him over on his podcast that he co hosts with his sister, Kate Hudson, sibling Revelry, and I just think he's funny. He's self deprecating and completely unfiltered, which I think is absolutely why I enjoy talking to him
so much. Please welcome Oliver Hudson to the podcast.
Oh key dookey, Arta, chokey, are chokey? Here we all are.
Hey, I heard you just left the dentist. What happened? Did your tooth? Thirty? Get it?
I had a root canal like a while back this summer in Greece. I ate a caramel and it pulled my whole tooth out, and so I have been existing without a tooth.
For months and great which tooth?
Well, now you can see it. It's it was this. Yeah, yeah, it was far back enough to where you don't notice it. But you can also think that I could be like a meth head or something like. Yeah, it could go either way. I've done Drew Barrymore her show a few times with the with the tooth out. But now I'm doing this Netflix movie and it's like a Christmas movie and I can't smile.
You need your teeth for a Christmas movie for sure.
Yeah. So I'm leaving shortly and I had to go to go get it done.
Well good because it feels weird when you are missing a tooth just in your head, in your mind. Ye wait, something's wrong.
It does until it doesn't. Meaning if you're lazy like I am, and you've you've had this missing tooth. Now it feels strange to have a tooth in my mouth. So I'm in the process of getting used to a full a full head of teeth right now. Good.
I'm glad. I feel I feel like that's a good thing all around.
Okay, not only not only that, but I'm I'm in like stage dad hell, because I'm doing a show. I'm doing a movie and my son auditioned for and he did four or five auditions and he's never done anything yet. He's been acting class for six weeks. He wants to be in at weeks. Yeah, six weeks, and he ends up getting this part and it's in Toronto. And it's not a small little part. It please plays my son. It's like throughout the whole movie. It's it's like a big part.
It's oh my gosh, this is a big deal.
It's a big deal. But now I have to go through all of the processes, processeds of being like a stage dad. I can't DaPron him. I have to have someone who's there. Apparently when he's not working, they have to like be with him at the hotel, you know, or the Airbnb. He's seventeen and extremely self sufficient, and
I kind of made a bit of a promise. I said, look, I know he's not Canadian, I know he's under eighteen, but you know, if you like him, I will help cover some of the costs of the tutoring in this, this and that. So I've just dug myself a hole and now I am become something that I don't know how to be, which is Yeah, it's tricky.
I did a movie with my daughter Luca once and it was a weird feeling because you're like acting, and you're in that mode and you're not in watching over your kid mode or making sure that they're feeling like they're doing a good job, or you know, supporting them in the way they need to. It's tricky.
Yeah, it's tricky. It's tricky. We're just right on the edge, you know, because he's seventeen. I mean, he's almost mean. He's almost completely legal, you know, so he's very self sufficient. He doesn't really need someone to watch over him. I understand their Netflix policies, not Canadian policies necessarily, but Netflix. So it's me and Alicia Silverstone and Jamila Jamil. I think that's how you pronounce it. Who's awesome. I just talked with it and get named. Steve Carr is directing it,
and it's fun. It's really sweet, it's adorable. You know, it's Christmas y. It's that kind of vanilla Christmas movie that's you go and you do it.
Yeah, I am ready for it. I love those movies.
Yes, I said, as long as I don't have to take my shirt off, you know, dance on a pole or something. Because a lot of these new Christmas movies are like hot. Frost is one of them where they're you know, the guy's like shirtless and chiseled and he's I don't know, I mean, you know, Chad Michael Murray's in one where he's like a dancing and some sort of a tool belt with his shirt off. My I'm forty eight, man, Like this is not going to look. People will throw up if you're stop.
It, stop it you you I saw you posted something on your Instagram where you were shirtless.
Yeah, it was probably expressing sort of how I need I'm gone from an A cup to a B cup, you know, and I need support in my.
Like literal yeah, support, yes, exactly.
You know, I'm not afraid to be naked, but on my own terms.
Okay, that's all right. So first off, Oliver, that you know our city right now, I know, and the fires. How are you? How are your how's your family?
How are you good? Everyone's good? You know, my brother, my brother's house, not why my other brother, Boston, his house went he was living, you know, in sort of that Tahitian Terrace mobile home community that went up. Everyone else is okay, and you know, at the end of the day, it's incredibly devastating. I mean, it's the city that I grew up in the town honestly, the Palisades, and it's just it's gone. I mean, it is completely gone.
And it's still surreal for me. I haven't gone and looked at it personally, and I think that's when it will even get even more real. But right now, it's just unbelievably surreal. At the same time, thankful that everyone's safe, you know, they're just things, but feel for so many people. I can't tell you how many people I know who don't have homes, Like that's how close it all is. I mean, it's unbelievable. I it's pushing one hundred people, you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just it's crazy.
It's just crazy, and everyone wants to move out of town. And I'm trying to figure out air quality. I mean, you know, there's things to sort of figure out. But you were you were You're not close, right.
We were evacuated or you were we were closer to the eating fire?
Right? Okay?
Yeah, yeah, very scary.
It's scary. It was scary, you know. I got to say though, and I'm only just speaking just me personally, and I was lucky enough that the house is still standing, but I'm not really attached to things so much. You know, my family obviously, like my possessions are kind of like yah, I mean, I don't know, I'm.
Were you like that before this?
Yeah? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure without a doubt. You know. It's like, oh, if something goes away, or if something is low us or you know, I'm like, oh, okay.
You know. I wear this bracelet that the Dalai Lama gave me when I was nineteen years old, and it's been lost a thousand times and it has come back to me in one way or another, and these are this is something that is a really prized possession of mine because he blessed it and I met him in Dharmsala and it was an incredible moment and I was crying and feeling things and I was nineteen and trying to figure out my life out at the same time.
When it goes, it just goes, and was like, okay, you know, I mean, it's probably one of my most prize possessions, but I just kind of let it go. What are you going to do about it? You know? Right, So at the same time, I have yet to experience anything that is devastating is obviously losing your entire home, but the feeling wasn't fear of losing my house. It was more of just getting everyone to a safe place, you know.
Yeah, yeah, but it was crazy.
It is it is crazy, so yeah, think about it. Honestly, got a sight out of mind.
I'm like, you know, I was just saying in the intro that I was just on your podcast. If you guys haven't listened to it, you got to listen to it because we had great talk. We talked about ghosts and cemeteries and all the emotions involved. It was really good talk. But I have to ask you since our conversation, have you looked in the mirror and said I love you? Remember we talked about that.
Yes, It's so funny because I did a podcast today and I do these little rants, you know, and other than what we did, and it was all half of it was about that. It's funny you're even asking me. It was about looking in the mirror, getting up, saying I love you, You're the best, getting and then and then you know, saying this is going to be the greatest day. It's going to be the greatest day, even if it's not the greatest day, you know, so I was just talking about this. The answer is yes, and no,
am I looking in the mirror. No, I don't like to look in the mirror generally. Why not.
You're a beautiful man, Like why wouldn't you want to look at yourself in the mirror just to say I love you?
Not to be like whoa, yeah, I love you. But then you say I love you, and all of a sudden you start to get critical, you know, and you're looking in Oh my god, I'm getting old and you see this and you see that, and then I'm puffy and what about this I? And how come this eye is higher than this I? You know, I get a little you know, you get a little nuts. But no, I need I need to do that more more.
But yeah, you don't have to look in the mirror.
You could just it's still positive. I'm still a positive affirmations trying.
You're doing it? Okay, Yes, that's good. That's that's all. That's growth right there, Yes, it is.
It is growth. And you know, this new experience with my son and having this moment, which to me is almost like a deathbed moment. You know, it's bucketless beyond like work with your son. You've experienced it us living in Toronto for six weeks in the same place. I mean, it's just very, very exciting to me. Yeah, it is so I love that. I feel lucky, definitely feel lucky, especially now, very lucky.
Yeah, for sure. I think when you when you start doing the practice looking at yourself in the eye and saying you love yourself, I think you just have to shut up those voices of like, oh look at my eyes lower than the other one, Like You've got to just disallow it.
Yes, now, it's true. It is true. We are highly critical of ourselves.
Are you a journal er, Yes, you do journal.
I used to journal like a madman, and now it's every once in a while, you know. But I try to do my you know again, my gratitudes every day. And I think we talked about this, but the problem is my gratitudes like I do ten of them and they seem to be the same every day. So now I'm trying to I'm almost out of my head. I'm in my head now. Well, I've already done the ocean, and I've done love for the kids, and I've done
that a thousand times, Like what else you know? Now, I'm wrap my brain around, like, Okay, is there anything else? And I'm grateful for it can't be the same shit every day? But yeah, but it can?
Why not?
It can? It? Can? I hear it?
You you get a little bored. Yeah, yeah, with your journaling.
You know this year for you know, New Year's Resolution, Right, We have an amazing New Year's Eve party every year in Colorado and we invite a ton of people over and we tentt it and we have music and it's really fun and we build this like twenty five foot bonfire and it's huge. I mean it's massive, and everyone's out there. At New Year's they do the countdown. And the ideas is that you write your resolutions. You know, you have your resolutions, but you also have the things
that you want to get rid of. You know. You put them in the fire and you watch them go up and smoke, and it's just it's very ritualistic, you know. And I every year I write sort of my my resolutions in a journal since like nineteen ninety eight, and I went back and looked at my journals, like this last year and every resolution they're all the same, and they've been the same since nineteen ninety eight. I'm making no progress, is what I'm trying to say. I don't
understand it. It's the same shit. It was the same resolutions. So this year I said, you know what, I'm not doing any resolutions. Okay, I'm just going to be free, you know, I'm just going to be free of sort of trying to attach myself to things that I want to change and accomplish. Because it's been twenty five years and I have the same resolutions, you know.
Yeah, yeah, maybe it's time to just let them go and give it up.
Yeah to the the part journaling goes. I was heavy, heavy into it. It's gotten me through a ton of stuff.
So you still have all your old journals like I do too. Yeah, when you go back and read them, are you like, wait, is who is this person? How could I have been in this at this point in my life? And maybe you think and I'm still at this point?
Yeah? Yeah, Well, I mean, I you know, I don't know if we talked about sort of my anxiety, dealing with heavy anxiety back in my twenties and stuff, and you know that that meditation and journaling when I went through my first about my twenties is what got me through so much. And I would hike up to the spot and I had this rock that I would sit on and I would have a meditation and then just write, and I write poetry, I write what I was feeling
or anything. And it definitely, it definitely was I needed that in order to sort of get through whatever I was getting through, along with therapy and everything else. But you know, my time involved getting my feelings out through the written word. And you know, for me, it's much easier to express myself through writing than it is actual, you know, verbal communication, because I feel strangely insecure being vulnerable in person, but I'm very easily vulnerable with a
pen and writing. How writing sort of my feelings.
You know, what do you feel about like podcasting because you seem like you can get pretty real and yeah.
Yeah, for sure, without a doubt.
Is that different? Like I was just talking about this to someone else, like podcasting is a different way you meet somebody but you're not in person, but you have these great connections with them. But there's something that doesn't You don't have that anxiety, because I know you and I suffer both from anxiety. You don't have that anxious feeling of like being in person with them.
No oh yeah, I mean the minute you have like a microphone in front of your face or or you know. There's something about it and it's hard to even explain, because I can honestly say that it's even opened up my relationship with my sister because there are certain things that I may have one of us. I've said to her, positive and negative, but I haven't been able to because you either don't want to rock the boat or you
don't want to feel too vulnerable. But the minute the microphone goes up, for some strange reason, with Kate, I'm able to sort of express myself to her better. I
don't know why. It's this weird thing that overcomes me where I feel a confidence to say, either you know, I've always respected you and loved you and looked up to you, even though you're my little sister, which is not easy to say in person, or it's in person but without the microphone, or you know, I feel like you've been condescending to me at times because of whatever. You know, When that mic is there, it's easier to
say it. If we push, we push stop and we're not longer recording, I would be harder for me to express.
Myny you just stop talking.
Actually, yeah, exactly.
Do you ever worry if somebody's going to read your journals?
Though? No, honestly because I don't have like deep dark secrets in there. You know. It's more about my feelings and sort of what I'm going.
Through and nothing like I buried.
It's. Well, the funny thing is this journaling for me? You know, And I've always I've said this to myself. You know, I'm always journaling when I'm going through something, and I'm not journaling when things are good. So every entry has some sort of you know, negative attachment to it or something I'm trying to work through. It's never like, you know, it was an incredible day to day, I feel amazing, life is great? Like, who wants to journal about that shit?
I know I've read my entries that are like that. I'm like, yeah, next, so bored with myself? I need the drama.
Oh gosh, yeah, oh for sure. You know I think that's the arcis. But I would I would venture to say that, you know, writing all the positive things and the good things in your life is probably more beneficial than even even getting rid of all the bad. You know, it's like what you said, going back to looking in the mirror. You know, we need those self positive affirmations. So maybe I'll start writing more positive entries. But you
know what I love doing with stream of consciousness. Writing was one of my favorite things to do.
Oh it was so fun. Yeah.
Ah, well, you just do and don't pick up the pen, and you just keep going and it could be complete horseshit. But then all of a sudden things come out and I've read some of those back while I'm like, oh my god, I'm rarely impressed with myself, but I'm like, damn, Oliver, like that was pretty good. You got deep. I got deep and not even knowing what I was doing.
You know, I'm going to try that again because I kind of have fallen in and out of the journaling thing too, And I do feel better when I do it. I feel like I've gotten the stuff off of my my brain, out of my mind, off my chest in a really safe way. But yeah, it's sort of like meditating too, Like it you go in, you come off of it sometimes and just need a little break.
Oh my gosh. Well, the meditating is as far as time consumption is probably the easiest thing you can do in your day, Yet for some crazy reason, it's the hardest thing for me to do and sit down for ten minutes. I don't, I don't. I have so much resistance to it. And I have had moments in my life where meditation again was bringing me through a lot of stuff. And it's a practice, obviously, So once you practice, once you get through two weeks like solid you're in, then it's like, oh, I got it.
I want to do it like you have yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh gosh, because it feels incredible when you can like actually drop in. But once you let it go, it's just like I got to sit down for ten minutes, and I am I doing.
It's so true. Speaking of the anxiety you used to journal, you resist meditating, Like what is it that you do on a daily, weekly basis to help you with your anxiety.
I'm just aware of it, you know, when it when it rears its head, I'm just kind of aware of it. And I'm almost like a seasoned vet, meaning it doesn't scare me anymore like you scare me, you know. I know when I'm feeling it, I'm like, oh, shit, there it is. Okay, now why Okay I can, I can, I can try to assess why, or I can say, you know, it doesn't matter, I'm feeling it right now and just accept it and let it. Let just feel it.
Yeah, that's something so relieving about just acknowledging something.
Yeah, because we want to diagnose ourselves. Okay, wait a minute, what's going on? Okay, what happened to my day to day? Okay, maybe this isn't it. It's like, okay, yeah, you can do that, but is that really going to help you in the moment or or is it best to say I don't know right now, here's what I feel, and let yourself feel it. And you're not going to die like back in the day when you thought you were literally going to drop dead. You know that's not going
to happen. You know, you are not your anxiety. You are feeling it, but this isn't who you are, and just to try to separate yourself from it.
Oliver, We've learned so much, I say, we I feel like, you know, exercise, yes, exercise yes, yes, So that is that something that's getting you helping you?
Now what do you EXI run? You know, running and you know, I'm doing a.
Little wait you run like outside?
Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm not like a crazy run, run like you know, a few miles. You know, when I do my runs, that's impressive. You know I'm doing I'm doing a little pilates now.
Whoa yeah, yeah, do you have the socks too, I.
Have the socks. I have the sock. And then for me, it's also just about the anxiety. It's about just it's health related to when when when you're waking up and you're you're you're getting great sleep and you're eating properly and you're working out, and you're not drinking booze, you know, and you're not smoking cigarettes or doing whatever. I mean, you just feel on top of the world, you know
what I mean. It's huge. The minute I fall back into sort of that party that party guide mode where I'm like, oh man, it exacerbates that anxiety.
And it gets harder and harder as you get older. Yes, yes, so like rebounder the next day, feel good in any way?
Yeah, I know, but that's rough. Yeah.
So we all do, we all change so much, We have all these different chapters in our life. What would you say is your chapter right now, Like what era is Oliver Hudson.
In right now? This is a good question. I love this question because I've never really had to answer it, you know, because we do find ourselves in these moments and you have to sort of step back and again assess yourself, Like where am I right now? I feel like, at almost the age of fifty, that I am probably in the most creative space in my life, probably the most confident space in my life, even though I definitely
have my crazy insecurities. I think as I get older, I just stop giving a fuck, you know, I mean, stop airing as much trying to, you know, impress or feel like I'm less than when I'm speaking to executives or I'm pitching an idea. You know, I'm like, these are just human beings. I'm not going to do it by the book. I'm going to do it my way. You know. If I want to call the head of the studio, you know, I'm going to call I'm gonna call them. Oh, maybe you should go through the channels. Nah,
it gives it. He's a human. These are human beings, you know. As far as being an actor too, I just I'm excited for what the second half of my life holds, just because of the confidence level of the again, the attitude of like, you know what, just go for it.
What have you got to lose?
What have you got to lose? Honestly, like that is that is definitely sort of the period that I'm in. And my company, my production company is called slow burn, you know, because that's what I am and that's what I feel like I've always been, is this kind of slow burn. You know my sister do you mean, well, my sister hit it white hot, right, I mean, he
got almost famous, nominated for Golden Globes boom. You know, my younger brother, Wyatt, you know, worked hard, but bang it takes off like this that this everything in my life has just been sort of slower paced, slower moving, I mean not just career like everything, you know, even maturity. Why still you.
Think you were in your own way like you do? Do you think that was the reason you were a slow burner?
Yeah? I do. I think part of it was that, and part of it is my personality, you know. I mean I feel like I'm a very talented person. I have a lot of like ambition, I just don't have drive, you know, if that makes sense, like, oh, I want to do this. I know I can do this, and I'll probably win an Academy Award as a director because that's what I really want to do. And I know I can write, and I start discript and then I just kind of like it peters off.
And I know exactly what you're talking about.
Put fun and family in front of everything, you know. That's the other thing we talk about, sort of that deathbed scenario or I Am not going to remember awards and fame and any of that shit. I mean at all. That does not define me in any way. I would rather take a trip with my family and pass on a movie that could advance my career, you know, rather than miss whatever those moments might hold that I will
remember for the rest of my life, you know. And That's the way I've operated, and I don't I don't hate it. At the same time, I think that it has created this slower pace for.
Me, and I think I think that's okay because look at you now, like you're turning into white hot now, Like I feel like you feel it in your bones, like you have arrived, you know, for yourself.
So there's definitely energy there for me, there's a weird momentum. I don't know why. I can't put my finger on it necessarily, but it just feels good, you know, it just feels good. And it's just kind of, you know, just kind of letting go but working harder. Honestly, for me, it's work ethic. I have to work harder, you know. And that's my new phase. That's the new sort of era that I want to into, which is still have family as a priority, but you know, work your ass off more. You know.
Yeah. I saw that happen for me when I turned fifty fifty one and I realized, like, as a woman in this industry, I was like, I I feel as if I might choose to have a shelf life, I might choose to get the hell out of town at some point because I just don't want it for myself. I didn't. I haven't really enjoyed it, that the fame and all of that of it. So I want to be able to leave town, get out at age sixty. So I'm like, I got to do as much as I can. Yeah, while I can do it, Yeah, no.
For sure. And there's so many different other things to experience, like, you know, even the podcast. It's been so fun. Yeah, no talking.
You've had probably so much growth from doing the podcast.
I know I have, oh yeah, oh oh for sure. And the people that you meet and the stories that you hear. And my favorite thing about doing podcasts is getting a guest you don't know much about and you're kind of like poop poo it in a way, You're like, god, I mean, because we all have to fill it either a lot of episodes that have to get done, and oh man, it's so and so I don't even know. And then after an hour you're like, wow, that was amazing.
That was incredible talking to this person who I didn't really know and maybe had a preconceived idea of and then that all shifts, you know, and then doing the Drew Drew Show, you know, going on there and being a part of that kind of world. You know, I'm leaving tomorrow to do another one. That's been really really fun as well.
You know, that's a fun environment.
Fun, it's fun, and it's not dissimilar to what we're doing right now.
It's just on kids talking talking, Yeah, just being humans. So cool.
Yeah.
I have to ask you, okay, because I know you have two sons. Yeah, do you feel like there is a rise in sort of this masculine world right now with you know, some certain podcasters, our government, There's a lot more masculinity coming. I'm just curious, like, as a guy, as a dad of boys, how do you raise them to be decent human beings and have that level of understanding and educating them to you know, the right way to behave out there in the world.
Yeah. I think that there's a few different There's there's there are lessons that you teach, and then there is just being who you are because at the end of the day, those lessons matter. But I feel like our kids are emulating us more than learning from us. As far as specific lessons go. Yes, you can lecture them on certain you know, ideas and certain things that you might believe, at the same time allowing them the space
to have their own opinions and feelings. But at the end of the day, when you're living in a healthy you know family, they see you all the time and they're there are imprint You're imprinting upon them. Whether I'll just completely unconsciously, you know, consciously and unconsciously. As the boys get older, you get to see more of yourself in them, which is so interesting. You're like, wow, they they are were listening or they were taking on a lot of who I am. So I think that's a
big that's a big thing. At the same time, you know, you can only show them and tell them so much and help them with so many things. At some point they're they're gonna have to make their own decisions, you know. As far as this sort of masculine world, I think there's a way to be masculine, but to also sort of be sensitive and thoughtful and vulnerable. I mean, vulnerability to me is masculine. Now, you know, I think twitched whereas the soft man is not the strong man. And
I couldn't disagree with that more, you know. And I think that my kids, at least hopefully they see me being like that, because I'm no different with them than
I am with anyone else. And you watch them and how they deal with people, and you know, how they look you in the they look them in the eye, and they're polite and all of these things, and you watch that translate and it's the most proud that you are when your kids, when you get praise from on your kids, like oh man, your kids are so great, You're.
Like, it's degraded, my work is done. Yes, it's the best feeling. I say that too, because my sometimes, my one mostly one, my daughters can be real hard at home, real hard on me specifically, and then I get these messages from her teachers or her friend's moms and I and they're like, she's such a great Like really.
Why don't you come home with me? And day?
I know, I'm always like, why don't you aviote your friends over more often? Because you're a lot different when they're.
Yeah, now I know. And then you know, as far as the boy thing goes, I mean again, I know a lot of their friends, a lot of them. You know, they all try to flex, They all try to be cool, they all try to feel masculine, you know what I mean.
I think do you think in that flexing though, are we in danger of losing that the sort of respect for women and the chivalrous sort of mask, because like, I love a guy that opens the door for me, of course, yeah, but I'm not. I know, I can open the door for myself.
Yeah. Well that's the thing is I hopefully am showing them that, you know what I mean? Then I I I do house. Shit, I did this. I'm with mom, I open up the door, like there's so much love, like and we're very physical, like I'm always on hugging Aaron and kissing and then no, no, no, you know, these are the things that hopefully they see and want to emulate, you know. I also think, but you know, you're dealing
with primal beings as well. And boys. Boys, you know, boys are sometimes crazy, you know, and watching boy my boys grew up versus my daughter and then my nephews who are young, you know, like boys and girls, and some of these boys, just like my nephews, were crazy, running around, crazy, crazy, crazy shit, you know. So it's just about directing it. And then you've got TikTok and social media, which is feeding them all kinds of horseshit. And that's when my kids like, dad, did you know
that pyramids? I'm like, you, guys, this is not true, you know what I mean, like quiet, because they're getting fed so much of this misinformation. I'm like, you need to learn to sift this shit out, you know what I mean. I tell them that you guys are nuts. Go read something, you know, just scroll and believe everything that that's going on there.
Wait, do you read?
Yeah? I like to read. I definitely try to again. That's the thing that I want to do more and more of eight thousand books by my bedside, because every time I go into a bookstore, I buy a new book.
What kind of books do you buy? Oh gosh, my self, I love books.
I have self help. I've done all, I've done that. I just read a book that's this rare it's sort of this rare sort of book. It was it's called Hard Rainfalls by an author that's kind of obscure, but I heard it on Instagram and fucking amazing. I tend to gravitate towards, you know, sort of woman struggle, strangely adversity and maybe overcoming it or or not. You know, but just like tough times.
That in itself is sort of like self help because yeah, you're you're like familiar with those feelings that that character is going through and they learn something and you're like, hey, yeah, that works for me, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know, right now, I'm actually reading Jerry Wine Robb's book, which is amazing.
What's the title of it.
Oh gosh, it's Yeah, this autobiography and it's got to forget the exact name of it. But he's just such an amazing, interesting career. You know, for those of you who don't know, Jerry wintrub was like was if he passed away. It was like a titan of industry as far as being a producer, but also was in the music scene, you know, with Bob Dylan, and I mean he was just an amazing man growing up in Brooklyn, the Bronx and just coming out of nothing, and yeah,
pretty cool story. I try to read. I just try to. I try to. I need to read more. I need to read more. Yeah.
I heard recently that if you read twenty minutes a day, it helps sort of reset something in your brain. And it makes perfect sense because I'm sure you're familiar with like EMDR therapy where your eyes go back and forth.
Have you done that?
Yeah?
Is it great? I was thinking about it.
It's you feel like ridiculous because you're just sitting there watching a light bar and keep keeping your focus on the lights. But there's something about the back and forth of your eyeballs that changes something connection wise in your brain, and it really does like open up some space in there.
You feel you feel that.
Yes, definitely. So I heard that reading can have that same effect. So I've been trying to read twenty minutes a day.
That's what they say. Nothing but read anything. It doesn't matter.
You can read anything. It's reading the eyeballs back and forth.
So it can be on a screen or like book or does it matter because.
I like, I'm going to go with book because we got enough screen time. No, I know, we shut it down.
I need a book. My mom. My mom is all about the Kindle. She reads everything on a like I can't I need like A can't. No. I love the physical book.
And the pages and the smell.
Yeah. And going back to kids, here's the look. We've been very lenient parents as far as letting our kids experience what life is now, you know, obviously trying to you know, balance it all out, because balance is everything. I'm never going to take them away from social media. Like this is the world that we live in. And this is just my own philosophies where a lot of my other friends sort of are very strict about things.
And I've sometimes seen kids who are not allowed to experience anything, whether it be sugar at a young age, whether it be, you know, TikTok or whatever it is. They crave it and it almost because an obsession because they can't have it. If I ever saw that my kids were going off the deep end with anything, yes, but right now everything seems to be okay. But reading is just gone. Kids don't fucking read anymore. And it's the most you do not light up your imagination more
than when you read a book. I don't care what you watch, I don't care anything. I don't care about it, a movie, anything. When you get into a book and you are ensconced in those words, your imagination is firing. You're picturing it, you're wondering, you're feeling. I wish that that would come back. I wish kids would read more. I tried. I'm like, read a book and I'm like what, it's not even there, you know. And in school these days, they're not being made to read like we were made to read.
No, they're reading on iPads. They're yeah, so different. I'm of the same mind of as you too. I think I probably appear very lenient as a parent, but also I'm so on top of it. But I do agree, like you've got to let them experience and figure out how to exist in this current world instead of holding onto the morals and values that we had or like what we spent our time doing when we were younger.
Thingse are just different, and you need to make sure that your kids are able to thrive with what they have right now.
Yes, yes, without a doubt, and also understanding that it's not real and they're a major pitfalls. And you know, don't believe everything that you see, you know what I'm saying, Like, if you're curious about something you might see on TikTok, don't take it at face value. How about google it, dig in a little bit, you know, maybe see what you're reading is actually true or if it's just you know, complete misinformation and false, especially with AI, which I've completely resisted, by the way.
Yeah, I mean you see, I.
I need to and I want to, and my sister like loves it, and you know, I know writer friends who are like, dude, this is scarier but it's incredible. But I don't know, I have an aversion to it, you know, I.
Feel like, does it feel like lazy?
Yeah? Now I feel weirdly scarier. I just don't want to be a part of it. I don't know. It's not lazy, it's more of it. Just like I don't want to I don't want to touch it. I don't want to touch.
It because once you open that box.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of hard to resist.
Yeah no, I know, I'm sure it's incredible.
I know my kids use it and also one of their boyfriends uses it and he just sits and talks to it, and it says like the most create a picture of a goat wearing a Mumo sipping on a seven eleven slurpee in the iceberg, on an iceberg, and then two seconds later it will.
Show you that. I know, I think I'm scared.
That's scary, I think. And also use your time for something productive? Please? What value?
Is that so scary? I know? But I did. I did download the chat GPT you know app, and I was like, I let mass around with it. I'm my house. Pretty incredible. I mean, it's pretty, it's pretty amazing. I'm scary. You can just say, you know, from a creative standpoint too, I mean like I'm stuck. You know, I need to help help get me out of this writer's block. I need this, this, this and that yeah, ideas come up. You know.
It is very helpful in that respect, but also very scary. Oh yeah, do you have see that movie Wally?
Oh? Yeah, this. I always say this. It's funny you do. Oh this is my fucking seventh saying this for years. Like I said, that is the most prophetic movie in the last fifty years.
And nobody's seen it. Like, people don't watch that movie. I don't know why.
That's so funny you say that. I always say that. I said, that's the most geniusly prophetic movie. You know, this is what our.
Society is and you look around and you see it happening. I tell my kids all that, I'm like, oh my god, I feel like I'm living in Wally World.
Yeah no, I know.
All the trash is on the earth and we all have to go to some man made place in the sky. And when we sit there and stare at our screens, the screens and an order room service or whatever, you know.
Likestates, it's just crazy. It's just it's the lazy culture. And when my kids are here in the house doing and they're not moving, I'm like out. I literally kick them outside. I'm like outside, get outside. But that I'm like, I don't care. I said, go get arrested, go get in trouble. Honestly, I don't even care. I would rather a police officer bring you home right now, like you've got to get outside. You know.
Oh that's good. You know I'm going to tell them that tonight, you guys go get arrested. I've got some sound parenting advice from.
My friend all exact. I have all kinds of weird things I say that people like what you said that you say that to your kids? Like another one real quick is you know I I would rather my kids cheat in school than not try at all. Like I've literally said this. I said, I would rather you cheat than just say I'm not going to do the assignment. If you're cheating, you're actively trying to get by, You're actively trying to get it in. You know what I mean.
You're just saying, like I don't give a shit. That is that is extremely complacent. I'm not I'm not saying cheating is where I want you to go, but I would that at least says you're.
Trying, You're doing something, You're trying to cheat.
You're trying. It's like, oh shit, I didn't get this in what's your homework? Calling a friend? What is this? Rather than being like I don't, I don't, I don't care.
You know so true?
You tell you said that to your kids, and like.
Do you write a book of your parenting tips and tricks?
These are no, it's it's called fear and bribery, and it's it's like a pamphlet.
A pamphlet.
That's all you got, parenting pamphlet.
Yeah, you were kind of in the same boat as my husband. Surrounded by strong women except for your two boys. It sounds like you have been raised by strong women. Yeah, what is the biggest I mean, if you can even narrow it down to like one, what's the biggest lesson that you have learned from being around these amazing women, your wife, your mom, your and my wife.
Mom, Kate. You know, well, I have such respect first of all, my mother. I mean, there's so much pride. I mean when we look at how she came up in this business, you know, truly a man's world, and being one of the first female producers to have like a real studio deal and having to go into boardrooms with a bunch of dudes and saying the things that she said and having to stand up for herself. I mean, she has incredible stories.
You know, he's a trailblazer, oh for sure.
I mean super a trail, big time trailblazer. And there's a lot of pride there for me, you know, a lot, a lot just that iconic, that iconic female, you know. Yeah, And then I think, obviously it's rubbed off on sort of what I want. You know, what I wanted in a woman and a partner, no doubt. You know, someone who's unafraid, someone who has their own life, you know, will kick me in the ass when I need to get kicked in the ass. You know, there's a mutual respect,
and honestly, there's no codependency. You know. I like that. I don't want anyone having to rely on me. I don't want to have to rely on any one else emotionally, of course, you know what I'm saying. And then you look at Kate, and you know, I look up to her tremendously in the sense of her no fear attitude. You know, like she just has no fear, she's unafraid, she doesn't care if she offends along the way, because it's not intentional she's just a badass woman who's gonna
sort of get what she wants. And and again you know, just fearless.
Yeah, both role models of mine.
Yeah, so yeah, and then my daughter, you know, and then and then that all translates to my daughter, you know, and just making sure that she knows that she's in control, you know what I mean. You're gonna like boys, and they're gonna like you back, but you you wear the pants like you're ye, like, yeah, you call the shots
because you can, you know. And it's just sort of led into me in the way that I look at the world, the way that I parent, you know, even my boys, even the way that I parent my boys, you know, and how they've seen strong women. And Wilder's girlfriend right now of two years, how awesome she is and how badass she is. You know, love her, she's the greatest. She'll just say whatever she thinks. You know.
I was just so rad that's such a good thing for women. All this talk about being strong. When's the last time you cried?
You got to cry all the time, cry all the time. The dentist today, ver emotional person. No, No, I didn't cry, the dentist. I you know, when was I, Oh, when was I just losing it?
Oh my gosh, sometimes you just got to release it.
Oh just recently, I was just a complete mess. I forgot Oh god, I wish I could remember. And I called Aaron because she wasn't with me. Oh I was in Colorado. Oh, and I was just bawling. I don't know what was going on, you know, I was calling, like, I don't know why, I'm so like, I'm just like losing it, you know, over weird things. Triumph is big
for me too. Overcoming adversity is huge, Like when I see someone who has, you know, fallen to the bottom but has worked their ass off to sort of get back to where they were, or you know, even if it's like a personal victory, that kills me every time. And then of course father son related, I'm done.
Yeah, at least you know what you're where you need to stay.
Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah. I cry. I'm a crier.
Yeah, because people think guys don't cry. Is that still a thing?
Is? I think it's getting better again. I think that's where like sort of guy's cry, that's where the old the It's okay to be a vulnerable dude now you're allowing allowing dudes to cry. I don't think I never thought of it as a thing. You know, even growing up, I would imagine, like Kurt, you know what I mean.
Yeah, you also had those women around you to bring out that sort of emotional Yeah.
Oh yes, Yes, there's.
Nothing better than being in touch with your emotional being and being confident to let it come out if it needs to.
No, I know, I know, and I need. It's funny because I told you I went to this place called the Hoffman Institute Hoffmann Process, and you come out of that place realizing the potential that you have as a human being.
When did you go there?
Oh man? Eight years ago now seven?
Did you chop wood?
Chopped wood? Yeah? Chop would I did? I mean all of it? I mean it was extremely intensive. Did you go to No, I want.
To since you mentioned it. I was on your pod.
It's incredible.
I was intrigued and I looked it up and I'm like.
Yeah, it was a good time. And I've never I've never cried so much in my life with being at the Hoffmann Process. I mean, it's a it was a breakdown, but it allowed me to sort of realize the potential of me as a human, as a man, as a husband is everything, and then you know, it wanes, it wanes. You know, all this to say that I want to get back to being okay with my emotions.
You know, I've been called emotional, and I've always felt like that's such a derogatory sort of judgy term, especially when it came from the men in my life. But I for the longest time, I'm like, I'm not emotional. I'm emotion full, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Mm hm oh yeah, oh for one hundred percent. Yeah, emotional seems derogatory when it said like emotional.
So some people just can't handle emotionful people.
Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, well, there's also to be fair to whatever the other side of that is. There are people probably who need to rein it in, you know. I mean there was there was a woman who was in my Hoffmann class and she was just almost so open where she was everything was filled with emotion and just the simplest things. And I went to my small group teacher and was ed and I'm like, ed, let me ask a question. I know, I'm sort of having
trouble just letting go. But you know so and so, would you say that she needs to kind of get it together.
You took your teacher to the side.
I did. I did, and just to understand, try to understand, like there is the other side of the spectrum too, and he goes one hundred percent. People come in like, oh, it's like so much, and you like, all right, it's time to bring that in. Maybe you've used that as a crutch your home.
You know that's that's probably not going to get you where you want to go.
Mm hmmm mm hmmm mm hmm. But yeah, the more, the more emotional, the better.
I love talking to you. I think you're amazing and I just love what's happening for you in your life, in your family's life. Like this a good time.
I think it's a good time. I think it's a good time. It's exciting.
I have to ask you a question before I let you go, though, Ye, what was your last I choose me moment?
Mmm, this is a good question.
It's the last time you said I'm going to do this for myself.
I choose Okay. This is great because I think there are little things I think you have to choose yourself at times, many times in the day, little things I really do. I'm going to take this moment for myself. They're the big ones. But I think every day you have to choose yourself, even if you have kids, even if you're busy, even if you're you know, in a workplace, there are the moments where you're choosing you. Every day. You have to find that, you know. I think my
big choose me moment was probably in November. I go on these big fishing trips. Ten days. I'm out to see you can barely get a hold of me and leave out of San Diego. I'm on a boat, don't get off the boat near in the middle of the ocean, just catching tuna and with the twenty eight people, you know, random people who now I know after being on this specific trip, and again Aaron's amazing and she knows it's a passion of mine. But you know, I'm choosing that
this is something that I need to do. It's personal. I love it, it's cleansing. It's the most as cathartic as you can get in the middle of the ocean, doing what I love to do and just separating, you know. So that my last like big choose me moment and I'm gone for ten plus days, and it's it's a long time to be away from the family when I'm not working, and you know, I do it all. It fills you up here, oh my gosh, yeah, one hundred percent.
And then her, she has hers too. You know, she's big on her friends, and she goes to the sleepovers, you know, for two or three nights, and I'm with the kids, or you know, she just did a whole trip to New York with all of her girlfriends for four four nights, you know. And and you know, I think relating it to relationships, you have to let your partner have those choose me moments whenever the hell they want, you know.
Yeah, I've learned that kind of the hard way. I used to be like I felt left out. I don't know if that's jealousy.
I felt.
I would feel left out, I would feel like unincluded, like you know, I had all those very unhelpful feelings. And then something just sort of changed where I was like, Okay, you are your own person, you have your own needs. I have my own needs, and there's nothing wrong with each of us having the things that you know, fill us up and they don't they're not always going to be the same things. Of course, of course we're different people.
Yeah, one pillar, that codependency. That one. If you're going to hold up a big stone, you know, slab, one pillar right, there's going to be effected, the wind might blow. That ship is much easier, it's easier, going to be easier to tip. And that's the codependency. If you've got two, that ship is going to stand strong, you know what I mean, whether that's family, relationship, whatever it is. You know,
that's why you need to have separate lives. You need to have dependent and relationships independent of each other gets way too messy. And I've seen it so much with friends or it's like, dear, what it's up. You know, like you need to have your own ship. I mean it's so important and refreshing and you know it's energizing. You know, it's energizing.
Well, I love it that you take your fishing trips. I saw you holding up fish that was like as big as you. Yeah, what do you do with that fish? Like, I'm curious. Do you eat it?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah yeah, chop it all up and you.
Yeah, they put it underneath the boat, you know, which has a cooling system, and then you're out for ten days and then they when you get back to land, there's a fish processor and you have it all processed and cut and frozen all beautifully, and then you take it home and you've got hundreds of pounds of fish. And then I like to can a lot of the stuff.
You know, you jar it with olive oil and rosemary or garlic or different spices, and so now you've got tuna, yellow fin tuna, and then whatever else you're catching, you know, that is preserved in these amazing jars, these Mason jars. So yeah, it's it's there's the whole process to it is fun. And I have a boat.
Love it.
I love it.
I love it.
My fish SMA on boat.
You're a fisherman.
I'm a fisherman. I'm a fish. Yeah, that's right. Fishermen now with it with a tooth, with a too.
Thank god. It's nothing worse than a toothless fisherman.
I don't know, or is there anything? Is there? I don't know because that seems the work, if you know what I'm saying.
I mean, yeah, you're a good time Oliver. Good luck on your movie with your son, that's so exciting. You're gonna have a great time.
You're gonna bond, it's gonna be amazing.
Yeah, good stuff.
Well, be well, I will thank you toffee or anything. No, no, I know that's what he said. He's like, do not eat anything hard, don't eat anything sticky.
Yeah we're old now we can we can only eat like fish.
A straw. Yeah.
Good times. Okay, have fun with that.
Okay later bye,