Rocky Pisor: Free From Shame

Yeah. How did your journey begin? My journey began. Uh, basically it was in a prayer session because I was sabotaging my career and my businesses and I couldn't figure out why. And so I met with a brother at church. We did see a Theophostic prayer, which means God's light. And so we do multiple sessions. Once a week we'd do a session and just ask, God , why do I sabotage? And one session, Ron said to me, I just want to ask God one thing before we start.

There's anything hidden that we don't know about. Please expose it tonight. And I did the most dangerous prayer you could do. Uh , I'll do whatever it takes. Just see what that is. And Oh , when we began to pray and I closed my eyes, Jesus showed me this concrete dome and there was a door in his concrete d ome with a little window. And he says, I'll take your hand. Let's go see what's in there. You're safe. I said, okay.

So we w alk towards a dome and I looked in that window and there was a version of me when I was maybe nine or 10 years old. [ inaudible] a bunch of repressed memory that I didn't know about. We came to this , started flooding over me and , uh, older boys has sexually acted out on me at that age. I was known as what's called a latchkey kid.

So my parents worked and when I got out of school, I would go instead of to my house to the over boy's house and then we'd all stay together until my parents came home. It was during those times that they acted out on me and I, I learned about sexuality in a very unhealthy way. When all those things hit, I, I probably cry for half an hour. I just wept and wept and wept. Ron was patient when it was all done. He says, what's going on? Rocky and Sol, I have these memories I didn't know about.

I saw, I know who the people are, I the sights, the sounds, the smells, everything was there. And I told him about the experience and I said , you know what, I've been doing porn and masturbating for years and I never put the two together that this would sabotage my life. And so it was just, Ron says , we know about new Christian ministries. That's probably a good place for you to start. They're in Fresno.

And so that was the beginning that the , the sad thing about it is he said, you also need to go home and tell your wife what took place and talk about viewing porn. I so , yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I went home, I told Laila my wife, I said, Hey, I have repressed memories and this is what happened. I started, actually, I think I was crying again when I told , told her it was very emotional. Well, I'm like , I'm thinking to myself, Oh, I'm not telling her about the , this is enough for one night.

And so about a week later, our son had still lived with us. He was a college G got ready to leave for the night and he said, Hey mom. Um, I was in the office, which we had our office home. I want you to go look at something on the computer. I've got to go on my date tonight. It was just matter of fact. And he left. Laila walked in there and when she walked in there thought on the computer, yeah, it's like my heart stopped.

And within moments she came out, she says, Rocky, we need to talk, which is one of the scariest phrases any husband wants to hear. But especially knowing I've been hiding porn for years and I have files on there that didn't get tossed or hidden. And so I walked into the office and write on a computer screen or my cornea images and um, yeah, I was, I was totally devastated and I felt like my world had just crashed on top of me and I couldn't even imagine what was next.

I, my thoughts were just muddled. And so I told her that Ron had mentioned new creation ministries and that I was supposed to tell her about the porn habit and I didn't. And so, Mmm . Made an appointment the very next morning to start recovery. My wife decided to stick with me and so she went to the spouses group and you know, this is like 2003 which was amazing, has a great spouses group. And she decided to stick with me and work this out together.

Wow. Yes. What was it like for you to start that healing process, that new creation ministries with Russell Willingham ? Um, it was almost as frightening as having to confess. It's like, I don't know. And my, I'm in there with , uh , with a bunch of , uh , porn addicts area though. And this is who I am. I mean , this group or why , but , um, I knew I had to do whatever it was willing I was willing to do.

And so [inaudible] he just basically asked me why I came in, what was it that brought me here? And when he started the intake and , uh, I was able to share in that office, there was this, there's just a great sport in there. And again, I fell apart again and Mmm , realize that it's scary, but I had made decision on site, start talking with Russell that this was like another career for me, that this was like a business decision.

That I'm going to make this as important as earning a living and I'm going to do this thing and get through it, whatever it's going to take. And I did that and I didn't realize how tough was going to be, but it has been so worth it to be on the other end of that. And for everybody who's watching and listening, this journey is not short. No , it's not easy. You have to be very brave. I wonder if some of you might need to do some few Theophostic prayer prayer and just awesome God to reveal.

Yeah. Reveal the deeper realities of your story and your past and your wounds. And I love that image of Jesus bringing you to the window and showing you something. I mean, we all have memories that we're not aware of that are still affecting us today. [inaudible] and yeah, it's going to be scary. But you know, like you said, it's worth it. And I would encourage any of you too , engage in some prayer and say, Lord, would you shine light on my life and show me why, why I'm sabotaging myself.

I love that term, self sabotage. And we all do that in different ways. For you, it was in your career. Mmm . And one of the other things that strikes me is, and your story, you from the beginning, Mmm [inaudible] for awhile , didn't realize that your problem with porn was connected to I was clueless. Those childhood experiences. Yeah . Yeah. And that's doing that. Like you say , I think, and going to prayer and especially with somebody you trust.

I just trusted Ron to pray with me and I knew he had my best interests at heart and he's a rough and tumble guy man. But you know why he will love other guys into the house . And so that's so important to have community when you do this. Hmm . Rocky, when you, when you think back to your younger self who was nine or 10 years old, how do you feel towards him?

I , um , I feel very compassionate , uh, towards him and [inaudible] I was able to say who was, I can still say it was painful, it really hurt. And at the same time, God has brought redemption to that area. Rocky. It sounds like you've experienced a lot of healing to get to that point of self compassion mean when , when did you feel like there was a turning point that you could begin to love your younger self?

We'll talk about a two to five year recovery periods initially and I would say it's was in that first year or year and a half where I really feel compassion towards the younger me, the nine, 10 year old me and I began to really see the other boys as just acting out on who they were and the brokenness in them and I w begin to see God as not absent, but being there right alongside knowing that he couldn't violate their free will , but at the same time providing me enough protection that I would

eventually find freedom from that. Hmm . Awesome. Yeah. I love how your ministry is called regenerate. Regenerate Mentoring. How did God regenerate you? How does he regenerate me? Okay . Yeah , that's a long story, but the short, the short stories that I understood that there was always a redemptive process going on. I received Jesus as my Lord and savior as a senior in high school. And most people look at that as redemption, but it continues. It's a process.

So there's parts of my life always been redeemed and [inaudible] I , I learned how to do that because God showed me how he made me who I really am truly. I have a personal identity came from him and once I [inaudible] they accepted that and begin to live that out. It was a huge change in me. We do not know that. You know, you look in the old Testament where talks about God weaving us in our mother's womb, that there is his imagination of who we are.

We're actually formed into us from the very beginning and we, and it comes out over the years. But if we have these layers of shame and brokenness on it, it's in there. I don't think the enemy can ever take it away, but he can sure hide it. Is it , you know , th th the enemy isn't creative. All I can do, I love what Jay says, how he takes and twists it and the traffic sat against us. And so he traffics things against us. So we never see our true identity and recovery.

It's just unlayering all that stuff. And all of a sudden you start to see somebody that, wow, this is me here. Oh my goodness, I had no idea. And so then you discover who you really are and it's amazing. Hmm . So when I embrace my identity as a beloved son of God, then pornography is not just this behavior that I'm trying to quit. That's not who I am anymore. That's right. Exactly. I love that.

And , and when we begin to live in alignment with that true identity, then we can embrace a much bigger purpose for our lives. Okay . And I mean, it's amazing to me Rocky, how God not only gave you freedom from your old behaviors and the self sabotage, it seems like he knocked down some walls to make some huge new space for , uh , for bigger things in your life. Absolutely.

I think one of the keys to that too was knowing that , uh , he doesn't tell me how valuable I am just because he has to tell me that I truly am that valuable. And that worthwhile to him. And for a lot of strugglers, somebody will say, well you know, you really, and they'll just talk about how they're the man of God and they talk about how they're this and that and they're like, ah , you just have to tell me that cause you're trying to cheer me up. No, God never does that.

What he says is always true. And once you can really get that in your heart, it makes a huge change. I see the kind of how to toot and how you relate to yourself that I want so bad . I mean Rocky, what does God say about you? He says that I have more value in worth than I will ever realize. He says he has bestowed his value and worth on me. And he specifically says, cause I've written out identity statements that uh, I am to be a mentor.

I'm going to be a father to the fatherless because he doesn't want orphans. He wants those that have been father. And so I could represent fathering to , to others. I mean it just goes on and on. The things that he says about me and now I can embraced that and humbly accepted. I call it my hidden places at the place where I go the alter and I just say, father, I'm , I'm so humbled and amazed how you made me and what you bestowed upon me. [inaudible]

Jesus death, burial and resurrection is a [inaudible] of the stowing of all God's values on each one of us. If we're willing to accept it , that just like blows my mind. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Let's live like it's true. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I would love to know also, Rocky, what's your favorite part about being free from porn? My favorite part about being free from porn , uh , would be no more shame. I have a no shame zone called my life. I literally get to impart that.

Give it out to others, you know, cause [inaudible] delightful . Said, you know, I don't have gold, but I have what's been given to me. I give to you and as a disciple or is it as somebody who's been mentored by God, I give to you the no shame zone. I , if you want to take it while I can walk out that path so you, you'll have a no shame zone in your life. That's awesome man. I love that.

And if you want to spend some more time with Rocky and his wife in the no shame zone, Rocky , how can people connect with you? The website regenerate mentoring.com and that was regenerate the number eight mentoring.com. Everything they need to connect with us, they'll find there and we'd love to do that. I am not a salesperson. I'm a mentor. Uh , if God is going to connect us, then that's great.

Um, drew is a better person to connect with and they need to connect with you and, and that's teamwork. It's it . The kingdom's all about teamwork. Absolutely. We're going after the elaboration. When I was first getting into this, I felt such a wait of comparison and that's not the kingdom. No. So much better to collaborate. And I personally don't work with couples. So if you want to go through a process