What if your church was a safe space to outgrow porn? Sam Black explains how porn recovery ministry leads to less work for pastors, more generous donors, more passionate volunteers, and a legacy of health for the next generation. Sam Black is the Director of Recovery Education at CovenantEyes . He has edited 16 books on the impact of pornography and authored two: The Porn Circuit and The Healing Church . Buy Sam's new book (this is a paid link): The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About ...
Oct 30, 2023•33 min
Have you ever felt uncomfortable or unsafe while chatting online? In this episode, I’ll share practical tips on how to escape creepy conversations… and 5 reasons why we sometimes don’t. At the end, you’ll hear real-life examples of how I have responded to unwanted sexual communication. What are you doing this Saturday? Come to our free workshop! Register now for HMA In A Day at husbandmaterial.com/workshop Support the show Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or wa...
Oct 23, 2023•28 min
Have you ever been rejected? Roy Kim explains how rejection and internalized racism drove him to pornography. He also opens up about what it's like to struggle with with porn as a pastor—and as a male betrayed partner. Roy offers real hope through the power of compassion and community. Roy Kim, M.Div, CSAT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Southern California focusing on sexual addictions and betrayal trauma. He is a former pastor and enjoys partnering with pastors to educate churc...
Oct 16, 2023•49 min
Do you know what it's like to struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in addition to porn? Andrew Loyd does; he has also experienced years of freedom. In this episode, Andrew unpacks how OCD and unwanted sexual behavior can be related. With curiosity and compassion, he also highlights the path to healing. This episode is important! Andrew Loyd is the founder of Restored Story Coaching . He is an ordained minister, Certified Enneagram Coach, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He is p...
Oct 09, 2023•30 min
Who was David—the boy, the king, the sex offender? In this episode, you’ll see David’s sexual story from a new angle. You'll also get a taste of church with Husband Material Men through the dramatic reading of Scripture, confession of sin, assurance of pardon, and Christ-centered preaching by Drew Boa. This sermon was delivered on September 10, 2023 at the Husband Material Retreat. "God loves all parts of you and me. He did not come to destroy our parts. He came to redeem our parts." NOTE: Watch...
Oct 02, 2023•50 min
What is reintegrative therapy? Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr. explains his approach to treating trauma and how it can help men outgrow porn. Joseph also shares insights about sexual attraction, sexual development, euphoric recall, and the importance of being able to choose your own values and goals. Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr. is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, researcher, and clinical director at The Breakthrough Clinic in Southern California. He received his Ph.D. in 2009 from the Chicago Schoo...
Sep 25, 2023•34 min
How do you handle the intense urge to watch porn? This was Dan Johnson's dilemma. Dan struggled with porn for over 20 years. After re-confessing to his wife, putting filters on all his devices, joining a community of other men, and seeing a certified sex addiction therapist, he was still not experiencing the freedom he was longing for. In this episode, Dan shares the specific strategy he used to finally outgrow porn. Dan Johnson is a husband, a father, and the creator of The P.A.T.H. Plan and Th...
Sep 18, 2023•48 min
Have you ever struggled with shame or self-contempt? In this episode, you'll learn the simple formula for healing shame through vulnerability and connection. You'll also hear a vulnerable, shame-filled part of my story I've never shared publicly. What if shame is actually not a curse, but a clue to our hearts and what we really need? Shame is a normal human emotion that shows us how much we care. Instead of using shame as a weapon, let’s use it as a window into where we need to heal. What are yo...
Sep 11, 2023•16 min
Touch is one of our most basic human needs. But many of us have been deprived. How can men outgrowing porn embrace healthy physical touch with each other—and prevent harm? Find out in this panel discussion with Certified Husband Material Coaches Drew Boa, Stephen Thomas, John Kilmer, and Mike Chapman. You'll learn: the importance of safe touch for emotional and sexual development cultural differences in physical touch between men around the world rules about touch for members of the Husband Mate...
Sep 04, 2023•57 min
This episode answers unique questions for married men who have sexually acted out with gay porn or other men. You'll learn what partners go through upon discovery of gay porn, why transparency matters, and how we can pursue connection with other men while continuing to rebuild trust with our wives. Tamara Lichfield provides support for women who have experienced betrayal trauma at Becoming Shatterproof LLC. Tamara has been trained by APSATS (Association of Partners Of Sex Addiction Treatment Spe...
Aug 28, 2023•40 min
In this workshop led by Drew Boa, you'll learn how to connect with your inner child like never before. To complete the exercises, you will need: A piece of paper (digital documents will NOT work for this) 3 different crayons or colored pencils (if not, just use a pen) A posture of curiosity and willingness to try something new What are you doing this Saturday? Come to our free workshop! Register now for HMA In A Day at husbandmaterial.com/workshop Support the show Take the Husband Material Journ...
Aug 21, 2023•54 min
How do you take action after relapse for growth and healing without using shame or punishment? After a porn relapse, what do appropriate consequences look like? Nick Stumbo and Trevor Winsor are members of the Executive Team at Pure Desire Ministries . Together, they host the popular Pure Desire Podcast . Free tools mentioned in this episode: Recovery Action Plan (for when a relapse has occurred) Escape Plan (for when we are triggered or tempted) Relapse Prevention Plan (for day-to-day life) The...
Aug 14, 2023•45 min
In this episode, you'll hear the inspiring story of George Morning ("Coach G"). We talk about the challenges faced by black men and men of color in outgrowing porn—and how societal pressures, misconceptions, and the normalization of addiction intensify these challenges. Coach G highlights the importance of finding relatable support and the power of positive internal dialogue. George Morning (Coach G) is a Certified Addiction Recovery Coach. After 30+ years as an addict and losing family, finance...
Aug 07, 2023•52 min
In this episode, I'll share 7 things that shifted my sexual fetish to become less intense, less frequent, less disruptive, and less arousing. NOTE: I believe trying to alter sexual attraction is both unethical and unhelpful. My fetish has not been removed or replaced, and that is not my goal. Rather, my fetish lost its power through a series of shifts that took place as I pursued healing and freedom from porn. Here are the 7 things that helped me: Talking about the fetish Understanding the fetis...
Jul 31, 2023•28 min
What does psychodrama actually look like? In this episode, Rick Carlson tells the amazing story of his psychodrama process at the Husband Material Leaders Retreat. Register now for the upcoming Husband Material Retreat at husbandmaterial.com/retreat The early bird discount ends on August 1st. Rick Carlson is a Recovery Pastor, Life Coach, and Certified Husband Material Coach. Learn more at comebackcoaching.org Dr. Doug Carpenter is an author, clinical psychologist, and Certified Husband Material...
Jul 24, 2023•33 min
What is psychodrama? How can it help men outgrow porn? In this episode, Dr. Doug Carpenter explains why this powerful type of therapy creates profound healing experiences and accelerates freedom from porn. Picture this: you're on stage. You're the protagonist in your own drama, undoing and redoing the story of your life. But you're not alone. Your director is attuning to you. Your auxiliaries (other actors) are supporting you by playing the roles you need them to play. Your audience members are ...
Jul 17, 2023•47 min
Have you ever pretended to be fine when you're really not? In this episode, Stephen Thomas explains "I'm Fine Syndrome"—what it is, why we struggle with it, and how to crush it. You'll learn the importance of honoring your wants and needs...and the power of being authentic. Admitting you're not fine is an act of bravery and the first step towards true freedom. Stephen Thomas is a husband and father who has enjoyed freedom from porn and hookup culture for over 14 years. He is a Certified Husband ...
Jul 10, 2023•45 min
"He said at 74, I am having the best sex of my life. At 74, my penis only occasionally shows up for the party. But I am still having the best sex of my life. I wish I had known in my thirties how to have this kind of sex." What is sex ultimately about? How can married couples enjoy sex more? How do you deal with differences in sexual desire? In this episode, Dr. Michael Sytsma offers a robust theology of sexuality AND clinical wisdom on how to unlock arousal, increase intimacy, and have fun in t...
Jul 03, 2023•44 min
Can masturbation ever be neutral or healthy? In this episode, I'll explore complex moral questions about masturbation. Together with a live audience, we'll analyze 10 situations you may have never considered before: A toddler touches his penis to feel pleasure A young boy learns to masturbate from his uncle A teenager masturbates to regulate his emotions A teenager masturbates while imagining a cheeseburger A single man committed to celibacy discovers "core-gasm" A single man who has never mastu...
Jun 26, 2023•43 min
What is masturbation? How does it affect the brain? What does the Bible (not) say about it? What will happen to me if I don't masturbate? In this episode, I'll share insights from neuroscience, the New Testament, and my own story of masturbation. I've been researching this topic for the past 13 years...so I have a lot to share! You'll learn why myelination matters (even in masturbation without fantasy). You'll hear how masturbation combined with pornography has increased widespread erectile dysf...
Jun 19, 2023•48 min
Growing up between worlds, third culture kids face unique challenges in developing their identity and sense of belonging. Can these experiences create a higher risk of struggling with pornography? John Kilmer reveals the impact of moving during crucial developmental stages, and how unprocessed grief and loss can lead to unwanted sexual behavior. Through John's story, we discover the burden AND the beauty of being a third culture man. John Kilmer is a Mental Health Life Coach, Occupational Therap...
Jun 12, 2023•42 min
How do neurodifferences like ADHD and autism relate to unwanted sexual behavior? How can embracing neurodiversity help us heal and outgrow porn? Candice Christiansen offers powerful perspectives and practical advice. This interview is delightful! For neurodivergent individuals (and same or mixed neurotype couples) who are struggling, Candice is here to help you gain clarity to make your relationship, intimacy, and sex as enjoyable, wonderful, and pleasurable as possible! Candice Christiansen is ...
Jun 05, 2023•38 min
Have you ever thought about confronting a parent, but you're not sure how? In this episode, you'll learn the right questions to ask yourself when considering why and how to confront your parent(s) with compassion. Three important questions to ask: What happened (to them and to me)? How do I feel about what happened? What do I want going forward? Recommended reading (paid link): Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents , by Dr. ...
May 29, 2023•23 min
In this episode, my parents share the good and the bad of how they raised me, and how we are healing. It's a story of vulnerability, repentance, and redemption. "All families have difficulties. If you bury them, you grow apart. If you get them on the table and solve them, then you can heal from that." —Sandy Boa "Don't be afraid to go to the person and ask for forgiveness, because God's healing you and he's gonna heal the other person too. If you truly trust Him and you go with God, it's an amaz...
May 22, 2023•33 min
What happens when you grow up in a family affected by sexual addiction? In this episode, Dr. Ken Adams reveals the burdens carried by adult children of sex addicts. This conversation is especially helpful for those of us who inherited sexual shame from our parents. You'll learn why and how to release shame that has been passed down to you...and how to stop the cycle of generational trauma. Dr. Ken Adams is a world-renowned therapist and expert on sexual addiction, shame, and enmeshment. Learn mo...
May 15, 2023•36 min
What does it mean to become husband material? In this episode, you'll learn the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-leadership. Stay until the end for special appearances by 12 Husband Material Men! New opportunities: HMA is reopening in July. Join the waitlist at joinhma.com Come to our retreat in Santa Barbara in September! Register now at husbandmaterial.com/retreat What are you doing this Saturday? Come to our free workshop! Register now for HMA In A Day at husbandmateria...
May 08, 2023•14 min
What does it mean to outgrow porn? Dr. Robert Masters unpacks this concept (which he created) with stunning depth and clarity. Robert Augustus Masters is a psychotherapist, group leader, and relationship expert with a doctorate in psychology. His intuitive, uniquely integral work, developed over the past four decades, blends the psychological and physical with the emotional and spiritual. Learn more at robertmasters.com . Buy Robert's books (these are paid links): To Be a Man: A Guide To True Ma...
May 01, 2023•29 min
What is emotional abuse? Dr. Jake Porter explains how to identify emotional abuse, heal from it, and stop emotionally abusing others. Dr. Jake Porter is a Board Certified Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and the Founder of Daring Ventures . He is also the creator of Couple–Centered Recovery, a model for overcoming attachment wounds in couples experiencing the trauma of betrayal. Connect with Jake at drjakeporter.com What are you doing th...
Apr 24, 2023•38 min
What do I do with my sexual energy—especially if I'm single? In this episode, you'll learn the two types of sexual energy, why singleness can feel like a curse, and God’s good design for sexuality in singleness. You'll also hear real life examples of Christian men directing their sexual energy into deeper connection, pleasure, and creativity. Resources mentioned in this episode: God & Sex ( sermon series from Reality San Fransisco featuring Dave Lomas) Finding Intimacy And Community As A Cel...
Apr 17, 2023•36 min
In this episode, you'll learn why healing must happen in your body. Andrew Bauman reveals why talk therapy is not enough, what "the body keeps the score" actually means, how to use the body to outgrow porn and real-life examples of embodied healing. This interview is awesome! Andrew Bauman is the founder & director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC) . Andrew is an author and licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology ...
Apr 10, 2023•25 min
