How to Survive is back on a fortnightly basis, starting on Wednesday 21st September with Jordan Peele's Nope and Ti West's X on Wednesday 5th October after that. If you don't want to wait that long, head over to Patreon.com/HowToSurvivePod, where for $3 a month you can get every episode a week early, plus a bonus episode every month AND help us decide what films we cover next. Thanks for joining us, as ever, and feel free to get in touch on [email protected] or @HowToSurvivePod on Twitt...
Sep 20, 2022•23 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's Christmas, and our second 2021 Christmas Special. Home Sweet Home Alone (2021) tells the story of Pam and Jeff who find an heirloom worth thousands. They believe that it has been stolen by local kid Max Mercer and set out to recover it by any means necessary. By coincidence, Max's parents have accidentally left him home alone and travelled to Japan - so he'll have to fend off Pam and Jeff by making booby traps out o...
Dec 26, 2021•1 hr 5 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's Christmas! And the first of our 2021 Christmas specials. Better Watch Out (2016) tells the story of Ashley, a babysitter and her charge, Luke. In the run-up to Christmas, Luke wants to try to seduce Ashley, but before he can make his move, a home invasion makes an already uncomfortable situation much less comfortable. We talk about the importance of trigger safety; the merits of a 'less is more' approach to seductio...
Dec 24, 2021•51 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 250...and she's still here. Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021) is the latest installment in the beloved horror franchise, and marks the first time we've watched a brand-new entry of any of our favoured franchises since we started the podcast! Margot reconnects with her estranged family who belong to an isolated Amish community, but not everything is as it seems. However, in a stroke of good fortune, Mar...
Dec 22, 2021•57 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 249...I thought we could help him, but I was wrong. It's time we cut out the cancer. Malignant (2021) marks James Wan's glitzy return to the horror genre with what feels like a run through the greatest hits of his filmography. We've got abductions, nightmares, haunted houses, but how well does it all hang together? We discuss a film of two halves, the strangest martial arts movie ever made, consider health a...
Dec 15, 2021•1 hr 6 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 248...and I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave. Face/Off (1997) tells the story of FBI agent Sean Archer, tasked with apprehending the world's most-wanted terrorist-for-hire Castor Troy. With time running out before a dirty bomb hits LA, Sean takes drastic action - impersonating a comatose Castor by stealing his face via a surgical face transplant. But things go from bad to worse when Castor w...
Nov 26, 2021•57 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 247...and we're gonna get killed by Murder Barbie. Freaky (2021) tells the story of Millie, a high school student who swaps bodies with a middle-aged male serial killer known as The Blissfield Butcher. Millie has until midnight on Friday the 13th to swap their bodies back - and to prevent The Butcher from running amock in her body. We compliment a quick-thinking mass murderer; consider gun safety in a Middle...
Nov 17, 2021•40 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 246...and evil dies tonight. Halloween Kills (2021), starring Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, is (depending on your outlook) either the 12th or 3rd film in the beloved Halloween franchise, and a direct sequel to Halloween (2018), starring Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, which itself was a direct sequel to Halloween (1978), starring Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode. If that sounds confusing then don't ...
Nov 03, 2021•1 hr
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 245...and there's good man inside of you fighting to come out. The Mummy (2017) tells the story of Nick Morton, a tomb-raiding soldier serving in Iraq. Morton accidentally becomes cursed with ancient Egyptian magic, embroiled in a shady organisation's fight against evil, and must do what it takes to prevent the Egyptian Princess Ahmanet (who has been dead for 5,000 years) from running amok. We ask ourselves:...
Oct 27, 2021•58 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 244...and I only gamble with my life, never my money. The Mummy (1999) tells the story of the treasure-hunting trio of Rick, Evelyn and Jonathan, who head to the Ancient Egyptian city of Hamunatpra in the hope of unearthing riches. Instead, they awaken the cursed tomb of Imhotep, who rises from the dead and brings with him the Ten Plagues of Egypt. We crack open a 90s adventure classic, read aloud from the b...
Oct 20, 2021•1 hr 9 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 243...and do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with? The Mummy (1932) tells the story of Imhotep, an ancient Egyptian high priest condemned to eternal undeath for religious sacrilege, resurrected by intrepid archaeologists. Once alive, Imhotep seeks out the object of his everlasting love Anck-su-namun, who he believes is reincarnated in the form of half-Egyptian, half-British socialite He...
Sep 24, 2021•1 hr 11 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 242...and it could be another Jigsaw copycat. Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021) tells the story of Ezekial 'Zeke' Banks, a hard-boiled detective in an unnamed city, hunting down a mysterious serial killer of corrupt Police officers in a manner not unlike everyone's favourite DIY enthusiast John Kramer, aka The Jigsaw Killer. We wonder if the Chris Rock-ification of the Saw franchise was something anybody n...
Aug 12, 2021•1 hr 10 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 241... so get over here! Mortal Kombat (2021) tells the story of 'Cole Young', a failed MMA fighter who has a strange birthmark. The birthmark automatically means he is a champion of earth, and must defend Earth Realm in the last of ten consecutive martial arts tournaments against 'Outworld' - but not if the Outworld team and its fearsome assassins have anything to say about it! We talk about the tournament ...
Jul 21, 2021•1 hr 5 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 240...and there's nothing left. A Quiet Place Part II (2021) continues the story started in John Krasinski's A Quiet Place, as Evelyn and her children struggle for survival in a world where a single errant noise could mean a violent death. The family meet Emmett, a fellow survivor, but he isn't convinced that what's left of the world is worth saving. We wonder if this is one of the best horror sequels of all...
Jul 09, 2021•1 hr 5 min
It's episode 239...and would you look at that? Greenland (2020) tells the story of John Garrity, who gathers with his estranged wife and son to watch as the Clarke comet flies past Earth. Turns out the boffins back at NASA got their calculations a bit wrong and it doesn't so much fly past Earth as smash straight into it. Can the Garritys make it to emergency shelter in the titular Greenland before it's too late? We discuss perhaps the most stressful diaster movie journey of all time, ponder the ...
Jun 10, 2021•57 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 238...and these are dangerous times. Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) tells the story of...well you can probably guess. There's about 40 minutes of story and 40 minutes of fighting and somehow the film is still 2 hours long. Make of that what you will. It's time for titans, punch-ups on battleships, Hollow Earth (theory and practice), anti-gravity helicopters and building-sized ancient axes. What more could you ask ...
May 24, 2021•1 hr 14 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 236...and I can't shake the feeling that you must have saved me for something greater than this. Saint Maud (2020) follows Maud, a palliative nurse and evangelical Roman Catholic who believes its her Godly duty to save the soul of her athiest patient Amanda. However, as her behaviour begins to spiral out of control, we learn more about Maud's troubled past and her grandiose ideas for how to achieve Sainthood...
Mar 21, 2021•1 hr 32 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 235 (despite what we might say in the intro)...and he calls out to the ones who need him -- the damaged ones. Brahms: The Boy II (2020), unfortunately, continues and expands upon the wondeful story of Brahms, the doll first seen in The Boy (2016). Following a traumatic event, a family moves to the grounds of the mysterious Heelshire Estate in the hopes of a relaxing break. Little do they know what bland, fru...
Feb 24, 2021•1 hr 18 min
*Apologies for the delay to this episode. We really did intend to kick off 2021 with a more rigorous schedule but unfortunately, as has been the case for many this last year, some less-than-ideal life events got in the way. Furthermore, neither of us were in the best circumstances when we recorded this, which may well be reflected in energy levels (or lack thereof) in the podcast. We'll be back and more bushy-tailed very soon.* How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSur...
Feb 17, 2021•1 hr 1 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's Christmas!...and you want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. It's a Wonderful Life (1946) is perhaps the definitive uplifting Christmas film, and so what better way to sign off a universally terrible year than by listening to two smug pricks picking it to pieces? Downtrodden and destitute, George Bailey contemplates suicide. As his guardian angel learns about George, we s...
Dec 25, 2020•1 hr 11 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 233...and don’t take it personally. They’re just trying to figure out if you’re a gold-digging whore. Ready or Not (2019) tells the story of newly-married Grace, who wants to make a good impression on her new husband Daniel's relatives - the mysterious Le Domas family, owners of the Le Domas boardgaming Monopoly. As is only fitting, before the happy couple start their Life together, they have a traditional f...
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 13 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 232...and should pale death, with treble dread, make the ocean caves our bed, God who hears the surges roll, deign to save the suppliant soul. The Lighthouse (2019) tells the absolutely fine and normal story of Thomas's Wake and Howard, two wickies with the task of operating a remote lighthouse for a month off the coast of 19th Century New England. But can they keep their fragile friendship intact, or will t...
Dec 10, 2020•1 hr 28 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's time for a bonus episode...and I'm Mrs. Voorhees, an old friend of the Christys'! We turned 5 years old back in August and marked it by...doing absolutely nothing! So here we are, 3 months later, revisiting the film that started it all - Friday the 13th (1980). If you didn't know, Friday the 13th tells the story of Camp Crystal Lake, and a group of teenagers who arive to help renovate the camp ahead of its grand re-...
Nov 23, 2020•1 hr 25 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 231...and "There are no approved quotes yet for this movie" - Rotten Tomatoes Host (2020) tells the story of a group of friends who hold a seance over Zoom during the 2020 COVID-19 lockdown. Before long (no really, the movie is only an hour long), a bad spirit is summoned and some video-conferencing-based-haunting ensues. We discuss how restrictions can encourage creativity when it comes to horror; the impor...
Nov 07, 2020•1 hr 1 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 230...and there is a dead man at the end of this line. Heat (1995) tells the doomed story of star-crossed lovers Neil McCauley and Detective Vincent Hanna, two kindred spirits torn asunder by their respective loves of doing crimes and stopping people what do crimes. Set on the seedy, steamy streets of 90s Los Angeles, can the two overcome their differences and finally be together, or will it all end in an av...
Oct 15, 2020•1 hr 8 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 229...and What did he say? Badda-beep, badda-bap, badda-boop, badda-beep. It's The Godfather (1972). Michael Corleone is back from the war, and looking for love - but when his father is injured in a work-related incident, it falls to Michael to step in and whip the family business into shape. We set aside all vendettas to hand out marriage advice for the masses; top tips for managing an unarmoured toll-booth...
Sep 28, 2020•1 hr 10 min
How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 228...and seeing is not believing, it's the other way round. It's time for The Orphanage (2007). Laura has bought the orphanage she grew up in, and has high hopes for its re-establishment. But before long her son, Simon, goes missing, and Laura is haunted by... ghosts, grief, guilt? You'll have to see it to believe it, or believe it to see it. We brandish the building surveys and blueprints; send in the safe...
Sep 14, 2020•1 hr 13 min
A quick note from us: we didn't anticipate only recording one podcast in August but unfortunately that's how the cards fell! We hope you can forgive us, and we promise it won't be another month before you hear from us again! How to Survive is now on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 227...and you don't want to wake up, do you? In Under the Skin (2013) Scarlett Johansson plays a mysterious, human skin-inhabiting alien who travels around Glasgow seducing unwitting men...
Aug 31, 2020•1 hr 10 min
How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 226...and this time travel crap, just fries your brain like a egg.. Looper (2012) tells the story of Joe, a 'Looper'. Loopers are assassins who kill people sent from the future, where time travel exists but is controlled by criminal gangs. There are also psychic people. Fun and games ensue when Joe is ordered to kill a 30-year-older version of himself. We discuss then whens, wheres and whyfors of mute begging, h...
Jul 31, 2020•1 hr 11 min
How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 225...and I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it. Back to the Future (1985) tells the story of Marty McFly, a precocious teen with deadbeat parents and a good friend in Doc Brown, a local inventor and all-round eccentric. When Marty helps Doc test his newly-constructed time machine, he winds up stranded three decades earlier in 1955. Can he convince the younger Doc Brown to h...
Jul 15, 2020•1 hr 8 min
