How to Survive is now on Patreon! If you like the show and want to support us, head over to Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod, where you'll find bonus episodes and the opportunity to join our community and help fund more podcasts and videos. If you can't or don't want to support us - that's fine! Thank you for subscribing, you'll still get your weekly episodes here as per usual. As ever , thank you for all your support - we'll stop doing it when you stop laughing.
Jul 31, 2019•3 min
How to Survive is on Patreon! Support us at Patreon.com/HowtoSurvivePod It's episode 200...and don't ask me to take a Jacuzzi with that guy again. A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989) sees Alice and Dan ( how could you forget them ? ) getting their lives back on track and graduating high school. All seems well until Alice begins being plagued with strange dreams and, before you know it, her friends are dropping dead in their sleep - often with bloody results. We talk about one of th...
Jul 31, 2019•53 min
Do you want the good news or the bad news? The bad news is this week is a re-broadcast. The good news is it's Cannibal Holocaust. I suppose that's actually bad news too on balance, but that's life. Can't win them all. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) tells the story of Harold Monroe, a sociologist sent into the Amazonian rainforest to find out what happened to a missing documentary crew. Cannibal Holocaust is honestly a terrible film. Don't bother watching it. I'm not even sure why we watched it. I thi...
Jul 24, 2019•48 min
It's episode 199...and they cut off his bowling fingers... Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010) tells the story of Tucker and Dale, two country-folk and close friends who head into the woods to fix up Tucker's new country retreat. Unfortunately, they are mistaken for psychopathic murderers by a group of college students who are camping near-by, and hilarity ensues. We talk about the basics of putting up a load-bearing pillar; the benefits of avoiding being 'generally clumsy'; and the absolute essenti...
Jul 17, 2019•48 min
It's episode 198...and there's a girl in the garden. Shaun of the Dead (2004) tells the story of down-on-his-luck Shaun. Dumped by his girlfriend Liz, stuck in a dead-end job and nursing a testy relationship with his step-father - he's desperate to turn his life around. Can he Go Round Mum's, Get Liz Back, and Sort (his) Life Out? Oh, and, there's a zombie apocalypse happening all around him. We talk about the place that does all the fish, mull over the lack of options for smokers in public plac...
Jul 09, 2019•55 min
It's episode 195...and I'll never leave you alone again. Dark Water (2002) tells the story of Yoshimi, a lady going through a messy divorce and custody battle for her daughter Ikuko. Their new apartment is far from ideal: there's a leaking ceiling, a surly building attendant, and there may or may not be the vengeful spirit of a dead child to deal with. J-Horror Season continues and concludes with this unsung star of the horror genre. We talk about the benefits of living like a prepper; we compar...
Jul 03, 2019•46 min
It's episode 195...and thank you for the effort. Ju-on: The Grudge (2002) tells the story of a brutal murder, a deadly curse and a house so haunted it stays with you wherever you go. We follow many different visitors to the deadly Saeki house - can any of them solve the mystery and - more importantly - will any of them survive? We kick off J-Horror season with somewhat of an ugly duckling, but an influential and creative ugly duckling nonetheless. We discuss Onryō, ask whether J-Horror is often ...
Jun 26, 2019•39 min
It's episode 194... Jesus, Paul you did a number on my back... Cabin Fever (2002) tells the story of a group of horror movie teenagers who go to a cabin in the woods to 'party'. Unfortunately, there's an outbreak of a deadly skin eating virus, and the group are soon fighting to survive against the disease, some hillbillies, and each other. We talk about the importance of a robust personal sexual health system; we give advice to the world's least-travelled hermit; and we discuss the fundamentals ...
Jun 19, 2019•51 min
It's episode 1... and things are finally as they should be! Chris has been sacked and now Joe hosts the podcast all by himself, and everyone agrees it is much better now. It's goodbye to bad rubbish, as Joe gets to run the show how he wants. The reviews are more insightful; the jokes are much funnier; and The One True King finally gets to speak his mind. Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: No animals were harmed in the making of this podcast! There's even a secret easter egg for fans of Jura...
Jun 12, 2019•1 hr 1 min
It's episode 193...and that's not a knife... this is a knife! Wolf Creek (2005) tells the story of Ben, Kristy and Liz; three friends who are travelling around the Australian outback visiting tourist sites. When their car breaks down, they are assisted by Mick, a local hermit who may or may not turn out to be a lunatic who tortures and kills people. You'll just have to watch it to find out. We talk about the importance of striking out clear boundaries in a negotiation; the cost/benefit of closin...
Jun 05, 2019•43 min
It's episode 192...and my friend, you suffer from the misplaced optimism of the doomed Snowpiercer (2013) tells the story of Curtis and the passengers above the Snowpiercer, a super-train filled with the sole survivors of an accidental man-made ice age. Forced to live as an underclass, Curtis and his peers stage a violent rebellion and begin to fight their way up the train to take control. We talk about which train guards should carry the guns; the importance of telling your daughter the truth t...
May 29, 2019•1 hr
It's episode 192...and good riddance. Always giving to others instead of to yourself. Why did you live like that? What was the point? What a load of crap. Train to Busan (2016) tells the story of Seok-Woo, who just wants to take his daughter to visit her mother on her birthday. They board a train in Seoul, bound for Busan, but a zombie outbreak on and around the train causes disruption to their journey... We talk about the tight-rope walk of deciding whether to stay hidden or fight through zombi...
May 22, 2019•56 min
Before Chris and Joe sat down to record our podcast on As Above, So Below they had a pre-recording chat about Avengers: Endgame and a bit about Game of Thrones (but only up to penultimate episode The Bells ). If you're not caught up on the MCU or Game of Thrones, consider this your spoiler warning! Don't expect huge revelations or insights, but do expect casual discussion of the right and wrong way to undercut fan expectations, being a canon nerd and the impact of Marvel on the film industry as ...
May 20, 2019•12 min
It's episode 191...and as I believe the world to be, so it is. As Above, So Below (2014) tells the story of intrepid historian Scarlett Marlowe who, along with her friend George, documentarian Benji and a trio of Parisian guides, enters the Catacombs under Paris to find the tomb of Nicholas Flamel, and maybe with it the key to eternal life. We take a descent through Dante's Inferno, have banters eternal, ask ourselves how much prior knowledge of historical literature should be expected for what ...
May 15, 2019•58 min
In a move which is completely out of character, Joe accidentally watched the wrong movie in preparation for this week's show. As such, we're taking a week away from the studio while he gathers his thoughts, and we're re-releasing our 10th ever episode: Titanic (1997). Long time fans will love the trip down memory lane. New fans will wonder how we managed to squeeze out another 180 episodes... Tune in next week for the correct film: As Above, So Below (2014).
May 08, 2019•1 hr 11 min
It's episode 190...and if the food don't kill you, the service will! We're back in Elm Street for yet another bout with Freddy in Renny Harlin's A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)! Kristen, Kincaid and Joey (how could we forget?!) return, but with Freddy vanquished at the end of The Dream Warriors , surely a happy ending awaits them all? Surely it won't all go wrong as the result of a dog pissing fire on a grave? Surely? We talk about baffling nursery rhyme-ex-machinas, roach m...
May 01, 2019•49 min
It's episode 189...and three months ago, I was cutting grass on my front yard. The mailman shows up with a letter from the army. Now I'm here, and no idea where I'm going to end up. In Overlord (2018), what should be a straightforward air-invasion of Nazi-occupied France runs into trouble when Private Boyce and his colleagues find a Nazi zombie lab in a church basement. We discuss the risks of taking unlabelled medication; the merits of shooting dogs; and we ask whether a movie about mad Nazi-Sc...
Apr 23, 2019•1 hr 1 min
It's episode 188...and we're doing anything to get into the top 50... It's Cam (2018), which sees Alice's world turned upside down by an imposter on her cam girl channel. The imposter looks and sounds like Alice enough to convince her carefully cultivated audience, but does things Alice would never do. Who or what is behind it? We talk about the cost/benefit of faking an orgasm on webcam; why the decision to destroy one's own nasal passage shouldn't be taken lightly; and the merits of removing y...
Apr 17, 2019•41 min
It's episode 187...and if you wanna get crazy, we can get crazy! This week Jordan Peele, the new darling of horror cinema, returns with Us (2019). Us tells the story of the Wilsons, a lovely middle-class American family who one night find themselves confronted by menacing doppelgangers. Can they survive, and uncover the wider conspiracy threatening to turn American society on its head? We unpack the myriad delights of Peele's thematically dense horror movie, confront impossible underground tunne...
Apr 10, 2019•54 min
Hey, it's episode 186, and now you've got to pick up the phone! Happy Death Day (2017) tells the story of a human called Tree who finds herself in a timeloop. It's her birthday, but someone is out to get her, and every time they do, Tree wakes up and is forced to relive the whole day again. We discuss the importance of covering your tracks when it comes to murder; the best thing to do when you've got unlimited time on your hands; and Joe's marriage is put to the test by a certain time-travelling...
Apr 03, 2019•1 hr 7 min
It's episode 185, and we're back for more French fun and games. Revenge (2017) tells the story of Jen, an American socialite turned avenging angel who wreaks a terrible vengeance against three men who wrong her in brutal and bloody fashion. Seriously - it's brutal, bloody, and bloody brilliant. We discuss the supposed feminist inversion of the rape revenge genre, how much serious violence we can take seriously and whether too much villainous grandstanding can ever be a good idea? Plus there's a ...
Mar 27, 2019•44 min
It's episode 184, and we're on the continent for feel-good French fun... Martyrs (2008) tells the story of Lucie, a young girl who is kidnapped and tortured as a child, but is able to escape. Years later, she seeks revenge on her kidnappers, but she (along with her friend Anna) get more than they bargain for... We discuss the worst helmet design of any experiment ever; the sheer arrogance of undertaking massive medical procedures yourself; and the very clear need for surgeons to wear gloves when...
Mar 20, 2019•54 min
It's episode 183, and our memories are filled with every f*ck-up we've ever made. Upgrade (2018) tells the story of Grey, a mechanic who has his spine severed in a brutal mugging, in which his wife is killed. Now paralysed from the neck down, Grey is offered the chance to walk again when a shady tech wizard offers him a computer chip which can control his body. STEM is implanted, and Grey can walk again - but was it a bad idea to hand over control of his body to an artificial intelligence? (...Y...
Mar 13, 2019•1 hr 1 min
It's episode 182, and if anyone tries to stop me, the old geezer gets it! RoboCop (1987) is the story of Alex Murphy, a police officer in dystopian Detroit who gets shot to bits by thugs and rebuilt as a part-man, part-machine enforcer. He's supposed to keep the peace, but does OCP, the shady corporation who built him, have an ulterior motive? Yes. Yes they do. We discuss the importance of iterative design, the faulty logic of kicking the groin of a metallic man, and why it should be less Cop an...
Mar 06, 2019•1 hr
It's episode 181, and we are the things that were and shall be again! Evil Dead II (1987) is Sam Raimi's cult classic follow-up to cult classic The Evil Dead (1981), and like all good sequels it doubles down on the splatter, chainsaws, and eyebrow-raising violence, once again starring the best eyebrow-raiser in the business: Bruce Campbell! We talk about maintaining basic sanitation in a remote, demon-plagued cabin; whether Raimi's style leaves us too busy laughing to ever be scared; and most im...
Feb 27, 2019•44 min
It's episode 180, and good night darling. Say your prayers. Oh, by the way, your dad and I just torched some maniac last night. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) tells the story of Kristen, a young girl who is haunted by a marauding maniac in her dreams. That maniac is Freddy Krueger - and when she is placed in a psychiatric home for teenagers, she realises all of the other patients are also haunted by Freddy. Luckily, the main one from the original movie is now a dream doctor a...
Feb 20, 2019•1 hr 7 min
It's episode 179, and our mission is simple. We go in, and we take him out! The Raid (2011) aka The Raid: Redemption follows Rama, a member of a Jakarta Special Forces squad who embark on an ill-fated assault on a drug lord's compound. Twists and turns (of limbs) ensue, as well as punches, kicks, stabbings, shootings, bottlings, bannisterings, bulbings and defenestrations in one of the bloodiest and bloody-brilliant-est films we've ever covered. We talk about martial arts, musicals and Mad Dogs,...
Feb 13, 2019•1 hr 2 min
It's episode 178, and there is nothing we can hold onto in this world. Only by letting go can we truly possess what is real. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) tells the story of Li Mu Bai, a fearsome warrior with 'last day on the job' syndrome, and Yu Shu Lien, another fearsome warrior who is in love with him. Before they can retire and live out their lives together, they must deal with Jen Yu, another fearsome warrior who is the daughter of a local official and Jade Fox, another fearsome wa...
Feb 06, 2019•58 min
As a special bonus: a movie which wasn't worth a full episode. Did Glass (2018) live up to the hype? We talk about disappointments; missed opportunities; and a masterclass in turning interesting ideas into unadulterated boredom. All of which leads to one question: How would you survive? Get in touch with your thoughts: [email protected] And we'll see you on Wednesday for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000).
Feb 01, 2019•14 min
It's episode 177, and all I know is that the boy was my charge. And if he was not the word of God. Then God never spoke. The Road (2009) paints a harrowing picture of a ruined world following some kind of unknown cataclysm. A man and his boy journey South, hoping in vain to find warmth, food and shelter, but must brave the elements, fellow survivors and even cannibals along the way. We talk about the most distressing vision of the future we've covered so far on the podcast with cannibals, calder...
Jan 30, 2019•56 min
