In the fast paced, work focused world we live in, is hitting burnout now just inevitable for all of us. Last year I suffered from intense burnout and hit an all time work low, and a close friend who helped me through this period was Sabina Read, a psychologist who's a regular contributor on threeaw and the host of the Human Cogs podcast. And it was on one of our regular catch up walks that I confessed my experience of burnout to Sabina, and it was her advice and understanding
that helped me work through it. Welcome to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your date. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. On today's quick Win episode, we go back to an interview from the past and I'd pick out a quick win that you can apply today. So last year, when I was suffering from a burnout, I was grappling with a few different decisions and Sabina offered me some incredible advice about walking the different paths.
So I knew I had to get her back to share it for the podcast.
But I think what you and I were talking about then was some fear based things about what if, what
if this happens, what if that happens? And I find a really useful response or a strategy to that is to not just in your mind and not just in a journal, and not just talking and not just therapy, but to actually take some physical steps thinking about what would happen if that came to fruition or if I took that path, and then physically to walk back to your starting point and physically to walk down a separate path in a different direction. I mean, physically move your
body in a different direction. I think I said to you. There's something called chair work in psychology which kind of uses similar principles, where you're inviting one part of a person. We're all made up of parts, and these parts are conflicting, and these parts need to talk to each other. And in chair work, in the therapeutic setting, you're inviting one
part of a person. So perhaps a part that wants to leave, let's say, leave a job, leave a marriage, change something, and then another part wants to stay and wants the status quote. So we can all relate to those even outside of the work domain. And there's something about actually inviting a person to sit in chair A and talk for part A, and then sit in the second chair and talk for part B and the physical movement from chair. Now, as I'm saying this, there'll be
people listening to this sounds bonkers. Why would you ask someone to get up and say a few sentences in one chair and then move themselves to the next chair. But it's a way to shake off some of the PRECONCEPD ideas, the faulty thinking, the expectations, the shoulds, and just be clear with that part and let that part have a voice. So the physicality matters. It shifts something in our physiology. And what I think you and I were talking about in the park was physically taking yourself
down that path and imagining. And I'm closing my eyes as I'm saying it, but what would it feel like? Who would be there, what would it smell like? What would I do with my time? How would I be as a partner, what would be like as a parent, where would I live? Whatever? All the questions are. And then going back down starting point and going you know, down path B and asking the same questions and something around the physical walking through allows us to really imagine it before we shut it down.
I found that strategy very very helpful, you know. And I think as like as I contemplated, you know, just different scenarios with the different decision points that I had throughout twenty twenty four, I think it helped me make better, clearer decisions using that strategy. It's funny twenties when I studied costalt therapy, I did so much empty chair work.
Okay, so you're well familiar.
I've spoken to many an empty chair.
Ah, they're great company, aren't they.
Love an empty chair? Although I think after doing about three or four years of costalt therapy, I am this is you as a client, This is me as a client. So I studied as a therapist, but I saw a gastalt therapist as a client. And I think after about four years of talking to empty chairs, you were ready for a human enough.
Yes, you know, we were just talking off air briefly, then around what are the tactics? What are the strategies? And I think we need to understand this is not something you wrap in a bow and lately take forward and see you never burn out. This is about actually knowing who we are at our very core. We need to know what I need, I need to know what I need and I need to understand and when I
ignore that, at what cost it comes to me. I also need to understand and feel and appreciate the dynamics between me and others in my life at this relational piece, professionally and personally. And again, now, we can't always honor our own needs in a relationship because there's other people at play. So let's just give an example. When you are in the company of someone that you find exhausting
and depleting, that can be a factor towards burnout. It's not the only factor, but can be a cumulative factor. The only person who can change that is you. You can either have a conversation with the person or multiple conversations to talk about what happens in their orbit, or you can just depending on the relationship and how high stakes a relationship is, you can just say I'm not going to spend time in this person's company anymore because
it is emptying my tank. Knowing what I need, knowing what we need, and then also knowing some of the external contextual pressures that happen to all of us as workers, as parents, as partners, as humans, and in the context also of a world that's spinning out of control. And then we couple that with all of these shoulds, and so we ignore and we put our blinkers back on, and we think, well, everyone else seem's fine, so I'll escape marching along, or you said, I'll take a holiday.
I'm going to go to Vietnam and a staycation in Melbourne. And then when I got back, I felt fine. Band aid good good, I mean a powerful band aid, but it's not a permanent fix. And then you describe, well, after a couple of weeks, some of the same experiences start to set in again, and you think, damn, I was doing so fine, and that's why I said, what were the ingredients? How do we unpack that? How do
we define that? And we didn't even finish that, but you said very clearly I wasn't contactable or responsible for other people. Then you go back to the world, the job, the life you were living, and now, of course we all have some responsibility to other people, but with what magnitude and to how many is probably in our control.
I hope you enjoyed this quick win with Sabina Reid. If you'd like to listen to the full interview, you can find a link to that in the show notes. If you like today's show, make sure you hit follow on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of the warrangery people, part of the Cooler Nation.