36 Self Help Me (Liz Glazer)

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to How Come. This episode is all about breaking bad habits and starting anew, very on brand for the new year. with my friend hilarious comedian Liz Glazer. We're talking about Debtors Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, lots of different things that you can go to if you need help in certain aspects of your life.

We're also talking about the different halves of the brain and what they do. And we're also talking about toxic sex and why it feels so good, but like why it's probably not like the best. um and then ultimately just like becoming more yourself and yeah it's a it's a feel-good ep and yeah i think you're gonna love it happy new year you guys i'm obsessed with you enjoy the episode how come how come

How come I can't achieve? How come I can't achieve? I'm rolling up my sleeves I'm rolling up my sleeves Oh baby I believe these guests can help

Cause I can't do it by myself. I wanna jizz. And I don't usually do two cables on the same side. Oh, wow. Usually they're... Yeah. Hetero. Right. Okay. Today they're gay. That makes sense. Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah. Because our guest today is.

Our guest today is... Gay. Is Liz Glazer. Hi. And I'm just so happy she's here. And yeah, we were just referring to the... My voice might sound a little watery. It sounded really weird on the left side of the... recording machine the straight right side yeah yeah well wait okay what is left brain left brain oh i know the answer to this okay

So often when someone asks like a kind of trivia science question, I have no clue. Yeah, but I really do know this one. Okay, this is your slumdog moment. It really is. Yes, exactly. I love that movie. Side note. But anyway, also movie reference. as I never get. I'm like, unless you're talking about Jerry Maguire. I'm telling you, today is that day. Yeah, today is the day. Okay.

So I'm Liz Glazer. I forget if we even said we did. We did. Oh, we did. OK, it doesn't matter. I'm gay and that's all you need to know. So left brain, right brain. Thank you. And I don't know which side of my brain, I think left actually, if I, I know the definitions. I don't mean, I a hundred percent do. Okay. So your left brain.

is the thing that gets you to appointments on time. It's your editor. It's your thing that's like, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, but whatever. Whereas your right brain is creative. Exactly. See, I always thought it was the opposite. Which is probably why your right brain, because only a left brain person would remember the distinction between the two. Because it's a left brain thing to think of that kind of a detail.

left brains are like math science yes okay sure well i mean no no if we're making like broad if we're making things of like how you were raised and what you were told sure

Like I always thought I was really bad at math because I was like math is for boys. Okay. Got it. Got it. But I'm like not that bad at math. Sure. Here's the, from where I come with the knowledge of right versus left brain or right and left brain.

is through an acting class a wonderful acting class so I work with Leslie Kahn who's in LA she's a wonderful acting teacher and in her like intro classes which I've both taken and taught part of um because i also worked for her uh there's this distinction that's introduced between the right and left brain and the interesting piece of it

is we all have both right in the brain, obviously, right? Or one would hope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's some interesting story about this woman who had a stroke. Sorry to the Frankensteins out there that are still waiting on your other half or like never got one. For sure.

exactly right but um yeah for the most part like everybody has both although the the side note is that there is a ted talk i don't remember what it's called but it's this woman who had a stroke and she could only use her right side of her brain yeah yeah she happened to have been a brain scientist of some kind so like took the opportunity in the middle of her stroke to like

be conducting experiments to a degree like on herself and there's a fascinating TED talk about that but anyway that's like a side note but the reason that it was part of this acting class And it's this like core concept that like this, you know, acting class would go back and back to over and over again is that you need in order to create an act. Yeah. Right. Your right brain.

The problem with your left brain, even though it's the thing that like causes you to survive and get to appointments and all these like details in your life that you of course need to be an actor as well. It's too rational.

annoying and it inserts itself into situations that it is entirely uh counterproductive in yeah yeah yeah and so the way and this is like what that stroke talk talks about there's also this wonderful book that I of course haven't read or finished but I've like refer to everyone exactly well I always say that yeah in fairness to myself that I haven't read it but I've really tried it's called drawing on the right side of the brain you're like I think

It's great. Please, please read it and let me know. Right. Because, oh, I just. well the immense power i feel right well what i have read is the intro that i find extremely motivating right exactly yeah um where somebody else recommended it and therefore so do i

Oh my God. Wait, is that what they mean by don't judge a book by its cover? No, no, no. The back cover? Because it's actually like the jacket is like a pretty good description. And like I would judge a book by that cover. That cover. Which cover do you even mean? Front cover.

Yeah. Also good for marketing. Sure, sure. Of course. Colors are important. Yes. Very right brain. Like to see like when they all update old books that have never had a new cover. Oh, sure. See how people respond to that. Yeah, that's always interesting. Right. But yes, that is more aesthetic versus reading the jacket. Yeah.

Then you're fully doing homework. Not only can I judge this book, but I'm going to refer everyone to this book. Totally. Well, I love nothing more than like the first chapter of a very inspiring book. Okay. Which side note, I think is what the Bible is. missing yeah I think I and I grew up like in a way religious in the sense that I like went to school where like Chumash, Torah. What is Chumash? Like the actual five books of the Torah. Oh, okay. But like we had that as a class.

and I love a self-help book like I'm constantly like trying to find my rabbi and I'm married to one but like you know that was always like a thing I think a quest for me as a person was like give me some principles by which to guide my life kind of thing. And so I would definitely be the audience for the Bible, but I don't think the Bible has what I love most about self-help books, which is that.

first chapter where you're like here's how everything was going wrong yeah it was a heroin addict like if there was a chapter that was like we had a world it sucked it sucked right it was like a self-improvement montage yeah totally so do i and Just turn on Watch Me Shine, the self-improvement montage from Legally Blonde. I'm like, I have books. Right.

Totally. I'm showering. Yeah. Oh, the training montage. This is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. And that's how I love. That's how the Bible should be. But the Bible starts out just being like... So this guy was born, then this guy was born, and then this guy, and then this guy, and then this guy had two kids, and one of them killed the other one, and it's like... What does this have to do with me? Yes, exactly. Right. Like know your reader. Yeah. So, okay. So.

Project number one that emerges from our conversation is rewrite the Bible. Better Bible. A better Bible. A better Bible. The Bible needs like that chapter, that chapter that's in every self-help book, like anyone that's like a bestseller or whatever, except for the.

bible um but i mean the bible is a bestseller is like a technicality but it already is when it all right when there was what when there was no no other book one book yeah that's like if i was my parents favorite before my brother was born Like it doesn't count. Right. Well, do you have any sisters? I have a brother. Right. Oh, sure. But you're their favorite daughter. Right. On a technicality. But they do keep buying it.

the bible the bible well because it comes with like so much guilt like honestly the reason it comes with hotels i was gonna be like and i was just thinking about i was like what is like the budget for hotels like right their bibles like is it just like a One time Bible cost. Yeah. When we write the better Bible, that's like our first pitch is we have to go hotel to hotel. We got to get like the W for like some big chain that then is like, oh, wait.

have you heard that like, if you stay in that hotel, there's the better Bible and it actually rules. And then it actually works. Totally. And you have a better life. And everyone's like going to Vegas where like we corner the market first.

And be like, actually what happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas. And we are preaching the good word of the Lord. And you guys are actually, you guys are actually missionaries. Yeah. That everybody like comes away from reading the better Bible as a missionary. I love that. It's kind of a Ponzi scheme. Obviously, yeah. I'm like, missionaries are like a Ponzi scheme. religion bibles right yeah of course yeah so anyway but in that chapter of drawing on the right side of the brain which is

I do stand by it is a great book. But again, like the that chapter is what I've like actually read. multiple times in my effort to try and finish the book, but it basically talks about this relationship where the thing about the left side... Which again, I think it makes sense to think of it as your editor. So it's kind of like when you have courage and you're like, I'm going to do this amazing act out. Which in life is good, but in acting holds you back.

Well, the courage is good. No, no, I'm saying the left brain holding you back. Right, right.

yes yes yes you're right yeah you're right yeah in acting it holds you back i think it does hold you back in like a variety of other situations because like i think there's like you could be at a presentation right yeah yes i think yeah and and there is this sort of like ideal relationship between the two of them and I think you're right that in a creative enterprise you need the right to like run free a little harder than you do in your zoom from work or whatever it is but yeah so so

Anyway, but because of the persistence of the left and the way that it inserts itself any moment that you're like feeling courage and play as an adult, right? Kids really don't have this at first. then the only way to shut it up, the left, is to distract it with... situations that engage it to a level that it's so busy it forgets essentially to interrupt your flow.

Okay. So that's why, and different people are different in this way. So like I identify with this one. I don't know if you do or don't, or, you know, listeners where you fall within this, but. Like driving on the highway is an example for me, like merging on a big highway. Hate it. Okay. So I don't mind it. Okay. But. I think no matter how one thinks of it, it's a very engaging process.

Where sometimes people, and I fall into this, will have like big creative pops of ideas in a moment like that. And they're like, why? Why do I have those ideas, for example, while merging on a highway or driving in a highway situation?

in the shower is another one okay and the answer like allegedly according to these brain scientists yeah is that your left side in those situations is so over stimulated yeah it's it's got its job so it doesn't need to introduce your big idea right and so maybe that's why a bunch of actors like to like do stuff yes all doing 100 or have you ever seen that curb where it's like sienna miller okay can't act oh she's eating

Oh, that's funny. That's really funny. I don't know that I remember it specifically. But yeah, that it's like hard to do those things at the same time. But then on the other hand, sometimes, you know, people are great at acting while they're.

driving because yeah is she meisner your teacher um well i have no idea okay because i did esper this summer ah got it and one of the things that we had to do in the beginning was find a task yeah that you can do perfectly sure like it's attainable but it is extremely extremely high level of difficulty got it okay so the first thing i brought in was like this like wood cut drawing by Durr which they're like the most like intricate drawings and I was like

gonna go line by line by line and you have to like measure and whatever and you do that while doing the repetition exercise oh got it and it's not yeah it's supposed to be hard right and i i'm now thinking i'm like maybe it has more to do with the brain yeah Yeah. And I think like taking your focus off of it. Right. You're not like, right. I am acting right. Correct. Which is always the kiss. I am remembering things. It's like, exactly. I need to finish this fucking. Yeah. Like what? Right.

Exactly. And then you're just like in the moment because you can't not be in the moment because you're doing this thing and your thoughts... are in some ways preoccupied or sort of like the part of your brain that's devoted to thoughts that would otherwise be devoted to... bad actor thoughts like what's my line do I remember this what happens next all that stuff that's like the kiss of death to acting is taken away by you doing this task you know what it makes me think of too is

We've talked about on How Come so many times how important it is to get out of your head. Sure. Get out of your head when you come. And now I'm like. Do I have to do like an intricate drawing? Well, I think the answer is you have to have sex while merging on a highway. I think that for sure has to happen. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Do you ever have trouble?

Getting out of your head in order to cum? All the time. Here's what I have trouble with. I just see you as having a really easy time. I don't know why. Oh, interesting. That is all an act. Okay, great. 100%. You walk around acting like you cum so easily. No. I really don't. And I think, I don't know, this is just like layers and layers here, but like, here's the difficulty in my current life. Okay. Okay. Is I grew up thinking. being gay is bad. Right. Right. And, and.

Perhaps interestingly, I went to Orthodox school, okay? And my parents were always less observant at home than school. I grew up, my grandparents are all Holocaust survivors. Okay, four out of four, which is perfect score. And they passed down to my parents, not necessarily like religiosity, but this... adherence to tradition yeah you know the kids have to know where they come from we whatever we can't let this happen again and like knowing you're Jewish like that's where it all comes from

And so then I go to this school and they're like, you can't go out on Shabbos. You can't turn on the lights or the TV. You can't drive on Shabbos. You can't go to non-kosher restaurants. Meanwhile, we're driving to Rudy's Pizza to get pepperoni and bringing it home, driving.

as well on Shabbos, not every Shabbos, but like eating it with our treif silverware from home, like a special set. Okay. So that's like my upbringing. My parents like sent me and my brother to school to learn the details of what we were doing wrong at home. essentially, but relevantly, and this really stuck in terms of my kind of emotional, like taking in of whatever I was being taught at school and at home was.

what they agreed on between school and home is that being gay is bad. And so whereas they differed on kosher, they differed on all these other laws. Gay, never. Okay? I'm sorry. Oh, that's okay. No, it sucks. Sure. And it's so crazy, too, because I have a friend who... used to say all the time when we were in college because he grew up Catholic he'd be like I wish I grew up Jewish like you guys are so much more accepting and I'm like some yeah some

And I think that's true for like every religion, but I'm like, it's like really bad for some people. Yeah. And I don't know that like, I mean, I want to accurately like represent like my parents. Like it's not like my parents were bad. people they just were so scared for us yeah that's where it came from right and they didn't think you're bad they think it's bad and you're like but i happen to be it yeah and so it was really tough like especially in those like you know early

years of coming out etc whatever but when did you come out um well when i was like 21 i was gay before then but like when i ultimately came out was around then And so the thing that this has to do with like relaxation and coming and sex and all that is that my like first experiences of. Gay, sexual, anything. were so relaxed in a way because they were so stressful. It's almost like the left brain of it. Oh my God. Was so busy. Oh my God. Okay. And so it's like I was dating.

a guy for all of college yeah he goes away because he graduated before me and i i knew i was gay before that i told him not that he was listening but like whatever that's fine he's like what but anyway you're still gonna fuck me right right and So, so there was that. Fine. Then he goes away and I sort of, you know, I mean, it was going to end at some point. We fought a lot, but like, whatever. I did love him. But your brain wasn't stressed out with him.

Well, being like, I don't like him. I don't like him. I don't like him. Yes. And it was also like.

I was so sure that what I was doing was so forbidden that it kind of had the effect of how you were talking about like history as secrets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that sexual experience, like it was the most exciting thing in the world because I was like, Wait, like this can happen? With a woman. With a woman. Okay, yeah, no. And so- Everything about it felt like this forbidden secret and whatever. And then I and I was 21 when this happened. Right. And so then the string of.

relationships or any things that would happen with women were relationships in my twenties and early thirties, most of which were in some way dysfunctional. And I don't mean that to denigrate them at all. I'm just saying like, at that time in, I don't know, at least my life and many other people I know, it's a lot of like,

dating the wrong person or they're going through a thing or whatever but it can be deeply exciting because like you know the woman who there's nothing more exciting than dating somebody who is not for you a hundred percent and it's like you know the woman who I met

at this like exclusive club that like somebody from my acting class, like got me in and then like, you know, we're doing drugs in the bathroom and I'm like, you know, really almost like losing my mind for a few weeks there or whatever. And then we, are we dating? I don't know. She gets mad at me over text. Like all of it's deeply exciting. And so the idea that like sex in those contexts was kind of easy. Yeah. Makes enough sense because there was nothing like ground.

about it yeah no you're you're shocking your system with other shit and and it and actually like the fact that's why toxic sex is so good i guess yes and so i i used to say this thing on stage every now and then and i never but the train off. Right. I never exactly got it to work because I feel like people, and I believe in the concept, but I'm like,

In a way, the most exciting thing my wife, who is gay and a rabbi and an amazing partner, could say to me is, I'm leaving you for my ex-boyfriend. Right? And not that I... There is zero part of me that believes she would do that. There is zero part of me that actually wants her to do that. But if I'm taking a note from my earlier... like instances it was being with women who were like

Oh my God, I'm straight, but I like you. What is my future husband who I don't even know going to think about this, which is a direct quote after like, I.

this woman who I had. From a Chapel Rhone song. What? I said from a Chapel Rhone song. Oh, really? Is it like that? The song Good Luck Babe is basically like Chapel talking to a woman that she like... was in love with or whatever who like ended up going back to a man or something like that and she's like in like a bunch of years you're gonna just like think about me yeah and like that sucks for you that like you're gonna be with this like guy yeah yeah yeah

Totally right. So I was that girl. Yeah. In at least my estimation, of course, you know, I don't know. And I don't talk to exes like there's like a couple who I've remained friends with, like for. it's none of the exes that I talked to are exes that would ever be nothing was ever like unresolved. Right. Like the exes that I do talk to, it's like, Oh, it's fine. This is basically like a family member in a way, but, and I can really only think of two. So, um, but.

Like, I think that as a result of that place in my brain that gay took up, which was this like forbidden, exciting, whatever. It's like. I now have everything I've ever wanted. I have the most boring life, which is exactly what I wanted, right? Thank God, knock on wood, et cetera, okay? And I love every last bit of it. And there's something stable, stable. A hundred percent. Yes. And I went to sex and love addicts anonymous. Did you? Yes. Because, well, so I wasn't a 2016. Okay. And like what?

why so okay i'm sober okay yeah fine uh i also fine well the the fine used to it right the reason i say it that way is because like You know, like when it's like sober and then it's like, oh God, now this becomes your whole personality. Like, I'm not into that. When somebody tells me, when somebody offers me a drink. I'm sober. End of conversation. We do not have to talk about it. I'm not going to tell you my anniversary. I'm not going to, you know.

like casually refer to people and then you're like, how did you meet? And I'm like, I can't tell you. It's like, oh my God, like we get it. Okay. So anyway, so that's what I mean by the fine. Right, right. But anyway.

but it's Brad Pitt, but, but no, I'm kidding. I don't know Brad Pitt, but if I did, it would be from AA. But anyway, so, okay. But I, so around like 2015, 16, I went in first to. debtors anonymous and the reason was i would get into an amount of debt uh-huh like i did it like two times i think maybe three yeah where it was like a lot and i was scared yeah

And then I would get out of it by some like Herculean effort. And then I did it again. And once I did it again, either the second or the third time, I can't remember, I Googled. Okay. And I was like, is there? Why am I so good at this? Why am I amazing? This is funny, right? This is something that not everybody can do. Yeah, totally. But I Googled, I was like, is there Alcoholics Anonymous, but for debt? Wait, I have a question.

When you were going into debt, was it intentional in the way that like, if I wanted to make my room a mess, I could come in with a bucket of mud and I would sling the muck. or is it in the way that I just don't clean my room and I love watching things pile up probably more the latter But I think that the moment of realization once once I was like paying it off or.

just had paid it off or whatever was that i was like i don't know why i keep doing this and the other thing that was happening was i was living i was living in brooklyn not that it matters but i had a two-bedroom That's another one. I'm sober. It's fine. I live in Brooklyn. Don't talk to me about that.

No, but that one was like, that one was like, you know, when you are telling a story and you're like, I don't know if this detail is salient, but it feels like it adds a little bit of zhuzh to the story. So like, whatever. We're in Brooklyn. Right. Picture it. Sunset Park.

No parking anywhere ever. I would park at a hydrant at this apartment. It was so, I remember, this is a very side detail and not the point of the story, but I do remember because I was working at Hofstra at the time because that's where I taught before. I used to be a law professor. But anyway, so I would come home from school and I was trying to park in Sunset Park. If anybody knows Sunset Park, like there is.

no parking, none at all. And there's no garages. Like a bad name for it. Yeah. It's a sunset camp park. Yeah. But, um, but there was a hydrant across the street from my apartment. And but like before I would go, I was circling, circling. I remember crying. Yeah. Actual tears because I had to pee so much. And I was like, I'm just going to have to pee in my car while I'm looking for parking. It was so, so bad. But anyway, so I would park at the hydrant.

leave a note and be like I live up there if you yell for me I will come down and thankfully I don't remember ever getting a ticket I don't remember. I'll have to check my journal. But anyway, so I do keep very good notes. especially since 2013. But okay, so not that anything happened at that point, except that I started using 750words.com, which I'm not sponsored by, but it's a very, very good website that like really gamifies journaling. Okay. Right?

Sure. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. I mean, no pressure. I tried to do it in my notes app or no, rather. and not even journaling, writing around my dreams. Oh, that's a good one. And then like I start, now I don't remember them. So I guess it worked. Sure. Because you didn't want him? Because I'm done. Yeah, that's fun.

So, okay. So I'm living in Brooklyn and I had a two bedroom. Okay. And I even like paid to have a handy person, like come put a door cause there wasn't a door on the second room. But how are you getting out of debt? Well, so. I like different ways. So, okay. But the thing that really got me was I was like in debt, got out of it. And then I had this second bedroom that I paid to have a door put on. And then I was like letting people live there for free. And I'm like,

Like, but that doesn't make math sense. Like you're in debt. Why don't you just split the rent with this person who's like getting free rent? And so it was just sort of like moments like that where I was like, this, my life doesn't. add up literally yeah and also like maybe I could

you know, do this thing that I found on the internet of debtors anonymous that like, I sort of, you know, was like hoping existed. Thank God it did. And then I would go to these meetings. I got out of debt. Basically. I mean, I'm not like, I'm a huge proponent of debtors anonymous. It's free help. It's fantastic, right? You're going to meet a lot of weirdos. They'll get your phone number. Then, you know.

10 years later, hi, I was just doing outreach. And I'm like, all right, whatever, Valerie. But anyway. Whatever, Brad Pitt. Right, right. No, but anyway. So, but it is good. Like, you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing that it. that it did that I respond very well in certain ways to like bright line rules, like where it's like, like the main thing I got from that was don't use a credit card. And so I do not use a credit card. I only use debit. Right.

And so because the thing that was happening and to your question about like whether it was more of the pouring mud on the room or letting piles, it was I. I would put stuff on a credit card, especially when I felt like I needed to prove something, especially when it was like to a woman I wanted to impress. Those were the patterns. And it was very much like the pattern of at least what I've read.

you know, or at least books that I've read the intro of that addiction is, which is like you have some sort of a void. You don't think you're good enough. And then you use the thing, whatever the thing is to make up for. what you lack totally right like just getting that warm feeling of the womb whatever it is yeah

And you like the highs and lows. Yes, yes. Which is why being boring now is so... It's amazing. It's amazing. Okay? So, yeah, and... So basically I went into debtors anonymous, stopped using a credit card, got out of debt. I still go to some meetings from time to time on zoom or, you know, whatever. Um, and I have friends like from the program that like stay in my life and, and I do enjoy.

being connected to it and i honestly feel like i used to be really bad with money and i'm not like i'm really not and that's great and you were already in your 30s yep at this point totally so i think that's like a very Yeah. I know it's like a lesson that we learn over and over and over and over again, but some people are like, listen, this is just like how I am and it's how I'm always going to be. Yeah. And like to a certain extent.

Yes. Some people don't change. I will always love cats and Mr. Bean or whatever, but there are, there are, yeah. always like you can literally always improve. I've just taught my cat how to sit down and wait for food. Wow. She's 11 years old. That's fantastic. You can teach an old cat new tricks. I agree.

Yeah. And I think that like, you know, the being open to it. Yeah. Sorry. I was just going to say about like being told like, oh, like math isn't for you or whatever for me as like a little girl. Yeah. At least. I feel like I was always like, I'm going to be bad with math and money. And now I'm like, You don't have to be. No, not at all. Like, go learn something. Totally. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. And I mean, in that way, I feel like anonymous programs for me, and I'm...

I mean, part of the reason that I, there's a lot of reasons I don't like lead with that for the most part in terms of like my personality. It has nothing to do with the anonymity. I'm not precious about that for better or worse, but it's really because like, I don't know that I'm like. at all the poster person for that type of thing, because I really take from it certain aspects. And then I kind of...

let go of the rest and I'm not at all. That's good. Perfect. Yeah, sure. But I'm just saying like, it's not like I'm, you know, here's the, the big book and I do all of it. I don't think the person who talks about doing CrossFit the most is necessarily the best at CrossFit. Do you know what I mean? totally so like right maybe you are the poster child sure maybe more people are more anonymous about it yeah

You know, right, right, right. No, that's true. But anyway, so then the reason I started talking about the DA is because of then law, right, of slaw, because, okay, so at that time that I was fully like in DA, I was going to lot of meetings whatever I had like friends and stuff and there were like some really good meetings in the city and by good meetings really it was just like

people tended to be very thoughtful and reflective and would speak inspiringly. And they were on like a Saturday or a Sunday morning, which is kind of like going to temple. And like, I was like,

yeah, I really want to hear that person speak. And, you know, like I was living in Brooklyn, it was at the Chinatown Y, I would like have my, you know, coffee at the certain place, whatever. So anyway, I like got into it for a little while and I made some friends. And at that time, time I had a breakup that for whatever reason hit me.

so hard. And I think it, it wasn't a function of like how long this person and I did this woman and I dated. Yeah. It was just like, for whatever reason, I was like in an emotional place at that time in my life that I was like really ready for something real. And I thought that she... Well, I don't know that I thought that she was too, but I wished that she was too. And then I was really heartbroken when it ended. And I was talking to one of my DA friends, the debtor friends.

And I was talking about this and she says to me, she's like, oh, it sounds like you're in withdrawal from your... thing yeah relationship there's a tuesday night meeting it's also at the chinatown y it's all women and you know like I like it if you want to go. So I ended up going and I remember, I actually didn't think that any SLA meeting after this was as good or inspiring, but.

I remember this woman at this all women's Tuesday night meeting was talking about, it wasn't even like a relationship. She was talking about her early childhood.

uh relationships with friends like women and she was straight yeah yeah but friends who were girls like in her class and the way that she would get attached yeah and then she was saying like drawing parallels between those impulses at that time and like how she would like stalk people on the internet yeah stalk with a lowercase no no this is right this is me okay this is like i've talked about limerence a lot okay it's like i will develop

like just crazy life altering crushes or whatever. Like the second that you were like, oh, it's Slaw. And then like, it was a great meeting and it's all women. I was like, if I were you, I would go there and develop a crush. Well, people do. And it is, it's hilarious. And like, you know, the show Love, I feel like, yeah, depicted that very.

humorously but also yeah it's totally a thing and I remember I would go to this other Saturday night meeting and like everybody in their share was like well I have a crush on someone in this room it was like constantly also there was a fight about like whether to open the window Okay. But anyway, so, but yeah, so, so this other, that was the Saturday meeting that was fine. But like, I really liked this one.

Tuesday meeting where this girl was sharing about like her friendships and stalking people on the internet. And, and I, I remember I was listening to her talk and I was like, you can get help for that. Like I thought that was just breathing where every night I pick up my phone and I have to like make my rounds and like go to this person's profile and that person's profile and make sure that I, you know, like read.

like figure out who they're dating now and like all this stuff. There was a period of time that I was like, wow, it's been like four days since I've checked my boyfriend's ex's profile. Totally. Totally. It's actually insane. That now it's been a few years. I can, I can honestly say, I don't know what she's up to for the first time in my life. That's amazing. Yeah. And I totally get it. I mean, and this like, but now I'd like to look. Well, so what was helpful.

for me with like going to that meeting, that one meeting was in, in, sex and love addicts anonymous, like one of the practices is they, they ask you to identify your, I believe they're called bottom line behaviors. And similar to how in debtors anonymous, I was like, no credit card.

Like got it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And really, if I think about it, that's such a good one. Yeah. It's just watch cash go down. A hundred percent. Yeah. Like, you know where it's coming from. It's just, and I use a card. Like, it's like, I use a debit card. It's not like I'm carrying like loads, but like, you know, it's, it's all advanced. I really do think starting with cash.

Same. And it's so my dad, my dad was like a Latvian man who would like pay for my school with like a bag and, you know, throw it down on the rabbi's desk. But like, yeah, I'm, I'm that basically, but also like in SLA. I was like, okay, so I can put down as my bottom line behavior, not looking at anyone who...

gets me fired up in any way emotionally looking at their social media presence, online presence, whatever, because not even, I mean, with this girl, yes, at the time. But like, so no one that like you're. actively having like a crazy crush on can you hook up with well that you're not looking at well

First of all, to your question specifically, kind of yes. Kind of yes. Yeah, because they in that group. You're like, it has to be a dull love. That's the thing. It has to feel numb. And I have to just like them as a person. Exactly. Yeah. It can't be like.

like drug-esque. Right. You're 100% getting it. And I think that that's really where I was leading this whole time with this whole conversation is because in a way- I credit me finding the love of my life. Like, absolutely. I love my life. I love my wife, everything. But I feel like if there was one thing, and again, It's not like I'm, you know, revealing like, oh my God, we have a problem or something like that. But if I'm being totally real, it's like, okay, well, it makes sense to me.

that there would be something that is less exciting, number one, if you have the life that you always wanted, and maybe number two, to kind of stick it even more, if your whole life, this lust that was like... female to female that really got you, that was the most exciting thing to you, that was told to you by both your parents and school that it's wrong. And then you do it and it's amazing. And you have it. Right.

And then you get the, like a year before I met Karen, I had a vision. This was like when I was daydreaming during acting class of like, it was actually when I was dating that other girl. Okay.

that then I would break up with and go into sex and love addicts. But like, we were always having like, kind of, you know, fights and stuff like it was not a good relationship ultimately but I mean I guess obviously but like during one of those times I was in acting class daydreaming and I was like well what would I want my life to look like. And it was a woman who looked like Karen. Wow. And I remember seeing Karen like on our first date and I was like, oh, that's her.

Right. And so everything is, is that, and that's amazing. Like Baruch Hashem, like thank God, whatever, all of it. But then wouldn't, you know, and I think that this is where maybe it's like. universal, gay, straight, it doesn't matter. I would imagine it's so with a healthy relationship if you're... your idea of lust and sex is predicated on in some way forbiddenness, which I think for many people it must be because so many people cheat. Even, yeah, I was gonna, not even, but.

straight people especially like there's so many rules within straight too and there's so much shame around sex Yes. In toto. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. So I think a lot of. Yeah. Right. So I think that it is universal. It's all of that. But also like I. believe in the principles of like like would it be more exciting for me to get myself into debt and get out of it sure yeah

I'm not going to do that. Yeah. Would it be more exciting for me to have a bender and then have the next morning and whatever, whatever. Yeah. It's not happening. Yeah. And similarly with like sex and, and. any kind of physicality, I can remember times in my life that things have been like so easy in a way, but I also really can identify like, yeah, but like that person was like,

cheating on you or whatever. And like all this stuff that's problematic. That's like completely absent from my life now where, you know, I mean, so I remember that, that, uh, amy schumer has this joke yeah that is from her last special the reason i remember it and i don't mean this in any kind of like i'm not making a claim here okay it's the reason i remember it as much as i do she stole your joke no i believe i

100% don't think she stole my joke I made a reel that you know and I don't like there have been things of mine that have gone viral I don't think this was one of them had like 10,000 views I really don't think it had anything to do with it I think it's totally parallel thinking but I remember I said And I don't say it anymore because once I heard that she was doing it, I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that. But it was this basically idea of like, you know, like sex, sex after marriages.

is weird. Like it's just cause this person it's like, Oh yeah, you want to have sex? Like, and I'm like, we're related. And that was basically like kind of where it ended. That was right. And, and then she was on Kimmel and I remember the, when she was on Kimmel and like people would send me, they're like, Oh, this is like your joke. And of course, because it's her,

And of course, this is for worse for her. Right, right, right, right, right. She's got this reputation or whatever. I'm sure. I imagine it has no bearing in truth. Like I really have no clue or anything like that. So that's why I say carefully, like that's not my claim at all. Yeah. But I remember it because of my thought connected to it. Totally. Right?

And so then she goes on in the special, you know, and I guess now she could have sex with him because I guess they're getting divorced. But, you know, that this guy's her emergency contact, their family. And, you know, she really like the specials called emergency contact. Yeah.

kind of like you know the crown jewel is that joke yeah so anyway but i i remember having that thought and i have another thought which is like you know you know when my wife and i do have sex is the night before couples therapy and having sex the night before couples therapy is like

cleaning the house before the cleaning lady comes. Yeah. Or like flossing before the dentist. A hundred percent. Right. And, and of course, because I just want to do good. When you were, when you were talking about, um, like you're like, Oh, I visualize like what I want in my life to be an acting class. We had a day in my, acting class where she was talking about like motivation and she's like you know picture something that you really really want and i was like to be told good job in this class

Like literally that's all I want. I can't even think of anything else. I don't even want a house. I don't even want, you know, like I just want you to say, right. And then I was like, Oh, that's a kink. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

Right, and so I guess like this is all a long answer to say that like... I don't think of myself as relaxed during sex sure sure sure because I don't really know how to be because the only way that I can imagine sex is with incredible stress okay but not like like the kind of stress that

at the times in my life that I'm remembering, like it made sex exciting. Like, and you know, I mean, it's like, because I have a boyfriend who I'm going to have to tell this to, you know, the morning after, or because she's.

orthodox and can't you know have her parents know so we're sneaking around in her parents volvo or whatever the whole summer or you know she says she's straight like it's it was always totally like that you know and so now that i have everything i've ever wanted truly yeah it's confusing yeah

Right. Yeah. At the very least. And I think, I mean, I would love to find a way to talk about this because I think it's incredibly universal. I think it's really relatable. And like, like whether you're coming at it from like.

an add perspective which a lot of people like sure that's but when i mentioned the cleaning thing it's like i want to see it so dirty so that i can see it clean you know yes i want to watch the oh yeah build up let it burn let it burn right and then miraculously keep it together yeah and like there are so many things like you know relationships that like you survive or like

debt that you bounce back from or like if I don't brush my teeth for fucking years and never got a cavity that's like a kind of a win going hmm how am I doing this the same way that you thought to yourself like how do I keep doing like bouncing back and like surviving and it's like sometimes it's like you could see it as like okay i've been incredibly lucky yes

And also, I'm going to continue to be incredibly lucky, but I'm going to like work on shit too so that this doesn't happen again. So I can be lucky about like... other shit yeah well yes totally and and one of the things that like i because i really do love self-help i love improving i love like i don't know i mean

you know, there have been comedians who've like pivoted truly into like the land of self-help. Like who Kyle Cease comes to mind. Um, he had like, I'm not judging it either. I just, it's interesting to start out. comedy well yeah i mean he's in some ways like there is a singularity to him and then you get better and you don't do comedy well what i don't know i mean and i think he's problematic in a variety of ways but like i took his like course or whatever it is which is

how I came to know him, but he had like the number one comedy central special at some point or whatever. He was like very like, successful as a kind of rising star and then like hard pivoted into the world of self-help, which I think is. good in a way for him because he's funny and so he's able to like you know punctuate his like self-help lectures or whatever i saw him at the dolby like you know he's a big

to do whatever anyway. And I'm not here like saying like it's amazing or not, but I say it just because like, I love self-help. I want to make the thing that I, want to make what that I consume rather because that's like you know the wisdom is like make the stuff that you actually consume although I guess in that sense I'd be making videos of cutting a cake because that's like my literal whole algorithm but anyway like actual

cakes or hyper realistic cakes uh both okay but if it's not cake it's not on my for you page i can tell you that you don't like cutting styrofoam uh no i don't for some i don't but also like i'm not fed that okay because like my algorithm knows that i like a pillowy cut like everything is soft okay okay got it

So for better or worse, but, but anyway, so I say that because I really do love it. And I, I also like, I guess, you know, maybe this is like the thing that many comedians want, like you want to kind of tighten that gap between you off stage and you on stage, not necessarily like the privacy elements of it, but the like, Oh, I'm funny. Truth of it all. Yes. Like you want to be you and you want to be you in any situation. And like, you know, we're all.

I think that the journey of a comic is unto itself. Everybody's different, but also to the extent of your voice. Right. And like part of that process, I realized mine was like nine octaves lower than I thought. Well, yeah. Exactly. And I think part of that is like recognizing like, oh, when I'm. quote unquote performing, it's actually way less entertaining than if I just trusted that me nine octaves lower in your instance.

And for me, you know, maybe it's also nine octaves lower. I have no idea. Yeah. But like getting to that point where you're like, oh, okay. Like this is how. And it feels like people notice it too. Like people will be like, oh, like you were really having fun up there. Right.

And it's like, yeah, because like you're being yourself and actually having fun instead of like doing this like monologue of like. Right. This is what like stoner Remy sounded like and like whatever. Yeah. Interesting. But so when. Yeah. you went to slot and then you were like, nobody who makes me feel that like, you know, like crazy Twitter pated feeling basically. And I'm wondering like, does that mean.

when you started dating your wife, like you didn't have a crush? No, it just meant, cause like it was all very exciting in the way that like first dating is. And I also, the thing that wasn't there. that was a big feature of me and relationships before was that chase and the like, does she like me? Cause you know, she did. Yeah.

Okay. And that didn't scare you off either. Correct. Because that usually is the thing. You're 100% spot on. Yeah. And the thing. There was a guy. I was dating him. He was like so rich. He was like hot. Yeah. Like fucked. He introduced me to his friends. right away he was like i like you i was like get out right right get out right Totally. Disgusting. You have terrible taste. Yeah. Right. You're so easy. Yeah. Whore. Yeah. Totally. Emotional whore. Right. And I, yeah, I had that.

you know, a lot. And I think the reason, by the way, that the relationship that got me into SLA was that relationship that got me into that was for the first time. This was someone who was very into me and that didn't scare me. I let it in. And then it turned out, you know, for other reasons connected to like that person's life. She wasn't ready for me to then respond with like, actually, you know what? I am in and I do like you. And it was such an interesting flip.

for me at that time, because I totally understood her impulse to be like, wait, wait, wait, no. Yeah. Just be like, not into me. Yeah. Because I was that person, you know, maybe five, six years prior or whatever it had been. But then she was like, no, I want you. to not want me i don't know that she was able to 100 say articulate it yeah right but i think that that was what was going on was you know it was like scary for her that i finally relented and was like no actually you have a point

And I'm into this. And I remember like one of the kind of nights before we ended up breaking up. that was very clarifying because she she wasn't like a monster at all yeah oh you're talking about your ex the before yeah and this was like before slot whatever yes was i remember that you know she was like yeah i don't want anything whatever like she was basically saying like I don't want this and I was like

yeah, I get that. I was like, here's the thing. Like, this is what I want my life to look like. I want to, and I basically said like my life now, I was like, I probably want to live in New Jersey. I want to be with one woman. I want like, you know, kind of a regular stable life and I'll go away to do comedy sometimes. And then I'll come back and I want that to be my life. And I just want to have a stable life. And I remember to her credit, this other woman, she was like,

you can have that. Just not with me. Right. She's like, that's not where I'm at. Yeah. And I, I really did appreciate that, but it was also really sad at the time because it was, you know, I knew it was coming to an end and I wasn't ready to really accept that. But, um, yeah, like that's, and, and I guess, you know, whatever I manifested my life now, and if I could manifest something.

additional for my life it's to and this will bring it way back I hope it doesn't seem like affected in this way but I really think the analogy is apt to basically allow my right brain to just Do its thing. Yeah. During intimate moments. Yeah. And by that, sure, sex, but also like really just.

you know, taking away, I mean, cause we have a two year old and we have like, I mean, now, you know, it's like we used to have texts that were whatever. Yeah. Now, I mean, the last text that I texted my wife is. FYI, your credit card was in the Honda and it's now in my wallet. And before I forget, the extra keys are on the key chain by the door. Yeah. I love you. Everything is admin. Correct. A hundred percent.

of it. And it's, it's no fault of anyone, but you know, and we talk about this in couples therapy and whatever, but privilege a hundred percent. yeah it's a privilege to have keys totally and to have admin and yes i mean i could never not not i could never but having a kid just sounds so fucking hard And people say it's so worth it. And so I imagine it is unless they're just trying to get me, you know, when people are like, this tastes disgusting. Try it. Right. Yeah. But like,

that's something that like Liz seven years ago couldn't even fucking fathom. No, a hundred percent. I mean, when you and I met initially, I was totally not that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so, um, yeah, like, It's... it's all good and it's all a privilege. And then it's kind of like getting back to the thing that was exciting and forbidden. And I do believe I can get there because the truth is, I mean, I used to love to take drugs.

you know, and I don't mean anything. Like I always, I always feel a way about talking about drugs because in a way it's kind of like, I don't mean it as a flex. Like I'm not saying I used to be cool. I was never cool. No, you love drugs. Yeah. But I would like smoke weed.

because I wanted my brain to like be totally open and like whatever and sort of have like the playfulness of the day and all that. And then... I think that for some reason, for some people rather, that can be a totally fine existence for me. It wasn't because I would then regret it and I had an intense emotional guilt about it. And also I was really just like avoiding my life with it. Totally.

And so because of that, I gave it up. I'm much happier that I gave it up. And I don't feel any kind of insecurity about that. Like there's no part of me that's like, I wish I could do it. I don't. Yeah. And if I. felt that way I wouldn't have quit I needed to get to a point where I was like no no like this is better and I think ultimately like I can be more creative I can trust myself more I can do all of this stuff better without and

I wish for myself that I could get to a place of enjoyment of, for example, a sexual experience. And I say that because that's of course the theme of the pod, but also, you know, an intimate experience. Dinner. Right. Yeah. Where I'm just fully in enjoying. Yeah. And I don't need to have my left brain pop up to worry because I think that that's what happens. Totally. Yeah. My brain during like supposedly fun times, it's always like, this is a boring conversation.

Like you could be having a better conversation. How come you haven't thought of a better conversation topic? How come they haven't thought of a better conversation? Like, is everyone having like these boring fucking conversations? And like, ultimately, yes. Right. A lot of people most times the day are not having super scintillating conversations. Yeah. But I hold myself to a very high conversational bar. Wow. I hope lunch is up to your standards. Oh, we're going to have a blast.

I say this just to scare you. Right. A hundred percent. No, I'm petrified. Wait, whatever you said something before that made me think. Oh, okay. But what was I thinking about? I stopped smoking for like 600 days. And now sometimes I will smoke occasionally and it takes me one hit and I get so high.

and i have my rules yeah because like yeah you have to have rules otherwise shit can go crazy totally like some people you can't even smoke at all like that is that's their rule it is you're done right um but mine i was like i do kind of miss being high and like thinking is so funny yeah coming up with whatever yeah so i started doing

one hit getting super high. And one of my rules is, or a few of my rules, one, it can never be my weed. I don't buy weed. Okay. Yeah. I have to, borrow it from someone else which means number two somebody else is there yes we're never smoking alone again right right right um three If I think of something hilarious and amazing, I have to write it down. You sure do. Otherwise, what a waste of, it's not intentional smoking anymore. It's like trying to get the time to pass, which is, I think.

a lot of what i was using it for before of like well i know that like an hour kind of feels like faster if i'm super high or i know that i'll fall asleep

Until 6 p.m. And then the day will be over. And then, like, it'll be tomorrow. And then, like, that's a way that I cannot do smoking. And I have. You know, I've entered into... yeah things that i was like that wasn't okay but when you were saying like you would feel guilty or whatever i'm like i know the moments that i do feel guilty versus the ones that i don't if when i have like a great conversation i write something down i go that was worth it yeah that was really worth it and like

great and then there are big ones when i'm like no i was high yesterday i fell asleep yeah it was so stupid sure don't do that again right Yeah. Yeah. I relate to both. I mean, and also like, you know, I, the thing for me was I would get high. um, in order to learn something. I always wanted to do it in order to like touch the sun and get to know truth and the meaning of life and whatever, like pull back the curtain. But then what if it doesn't? Right. And then you're like, whoa.

then I basically time for heroin. Yeah. It was chasing. Yeah. the dragon as, as the saying goes, you know, for my whole life, because I mean, my therapist was the one who really got me to be sober because she was like, you know, you do have, uh, memory because basically I would come into therapy and I would be like oh well I did mushrooms again or I did this again or that again and she was like okay but like create new experiences you can pull from the old ones yeah like what didn't you kind of

Like if you are doing this in order to allegedly learn something about yourself in this like syllabus of life that you're kind of going by, then haven't you already learned it? And I mean... Of course, one could answer like, well, there's always the possibility of learning more. Sure. Yeah. And sometimes you forget and have to relearn. Yes. But I would take, you know, and I do take copious notes and like write it all down and whatever. I was like obsessive about that always.

Um, especially with drugs. Yeah. But she was like, yeah, but like you, like basically her thing was like, we're here to get you to trust yourself ultimately. Um, Cause you don't, or you didn't. And, and we've been together 19 years. The thing I was about to say right before we turned on the pod, by the way, was, um, that that's like my longest relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Cause I said, I don't.

want to enter into a new relationship with a new therapist because then they have to learn everything about me again right and I have no interest in that either yeah well now my therapist is like you know I think we might be like maybe good to end and you did it yeah apparently and i don't mean by that that like i've graduated i mean my my best friend shira was like it's probably because her husband is like can you please get rid of liz finally retire

but anyway so so um but she would say you know this thing about about memory and she was basically like you know drugs aren't in and of themselves the problem like drugs can be a really useful tool to like control experiment your brain and like you shut this door and open that one and whatever and like it can be useful but also once you become someone who's like looking to the drug for the experience, you kind of take away your own power to create that experience. Yeah.

And there's no reason to because you have it within you. And so it was ultimately like a very empowering message towards sobriety. And I would go to like an A meeting or I went to like an M A meeting, which was marijuana anonymous before, and they were okay. But ultimately it was my therapist and like just her saying the right thing in the right moment that kind of like hit me that really did.

it yeah yeah that's why i so my old therapist who i loved very very much yeah i fired her because she told me to stop smoking weed ah interesting and then like three years later so yeah i was super depressed i called her i was like karen uh-huh what to do. She goes, Remy, how much weed are you smoking? I'm like, so much. She's like, are you ready to quit? I was like, yeah.

and that was the last time i spoke to her wow but like yeah it was like a cold turkey conversation and then like now we've been like right but you have to You have to know where you stand with stuff. And even if like I am incorrect in this moment, I will learn. Yeah, sure. And I've already quit. before so I'm like yeah and my intention is not to say anything prescriptive like me neither no we're all we're both talking about ourselves right

Everyone get to know yourself. Yeah. There's such a Maria Bamford has such a wonderful bit. now where you know like everybody when they're talking about i'm sure i'm gonna butcher i mean it's like a literal maria bamford bit i'm not gonna like do it justice obviously but she's like you know that everybody's like for me yeah the experience for me

Which is like in program, like all that you're taught to. I mean, it is correct. But it's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you came out when you were like 21, but when did you like. When did you know? Oh, I knew very early. I mean like when I was a kid, my like bullying nickname by other people was lesbian.

Which I mean, whenever I have aspirations towards like, you know, some sort of global media empire, which I don't really have. Yeah. That said, lesbian worldwide. Yeah. Like there is this kind of reclaiming of that.

word that I'm like well also if it's something if it was something that didn't have a moral assignment to it the way you knew it that is the sickest fucking yeah your name yeah and the thing right that you that you are yes that's so sick yeah it's pretty good it's so good but also did you it's not nice being told by other people before you're like, right. Right. But I mean, you know that like what's interesting. So I feel like we were sort of touching on this.

during this pod, uh, you know, of course with like the Orthodox Judaism or whatever, but I, so I just did an Orthodox show last week and then I was having this conversation on the way here with this guy who's running these other Orthodox shows that I'm going to do. in a couple of weeks. And the thing that is the most like kind of, I don't know what, like the biggest sort of decision I make is like, okay, some of these people.

Like, don't want to know that I'm gay. And I'm like, okay, fine. But like, are they... blind because I think about like, you know, Modi, I love Modi as, as a guy and as a comic, I think he's amazing and he is gay. He wasn't out for many years, but also like.

he's married to a man. Oh yeah. Right. So this is perfect example. Yeah. And the thing is you look at Modi and you see like a guy from Shul, right? Like he looks like a chazin or whatever. And like, and, and you know, he's wearing the suit and like all this stuff and he does. look obviously gay he's very mask and whatever it is and and that's fine it's great he looks great and also I'm like I totally get that like maybe in Bateshamish they can't really handle the fact that I'm gay but like

And, and, you know, I've had conversations with like various people about like, okay, do I not say it at all? You know, like, do I not mention my wife or whatever? Cause I've done, like I did a show in Cedarhurst recently. It was a very Orthodox community there as well.

And I didn't start with it, which is like another thing. But I remember saying like, yeah, you know, I'm getting my wife. I'm married to a rabbi. My wife is a rabbi according to exactly zero of you. And that really got them. Yeah. It was like.

in the know enough to be able to make that joke. But also I had kind of said other things. I think that set specifically, I found an amazing parking spot like right outside. And it was like a packed show and these communities like, you know, there's no parking. I mean, Sunset Park is nothing compared to Cedarhurst when like, you know, there's a big show at the kosher coffee shop. Yeah. And so I got this amazing spot because somebody had just.

pulled out great I I was late on the show I ran in I go right to stage and I'm like I just need to tell you guys that is my car. And like, I know you're bragging, you're the bragging is your love language. And like they, you know, so then we were kind of in for reasons that were not connected to my sexual orientation or whatever.

a person imagine i think also like that's in part a lesson that i'll take but like right now i'm like very actively trying to like construct a set specifically for these Orthodox communities that I'm good because I have like nine shows I think in about as many days and so it's going to be like a real project yeah to kind of like figure out for those communities specifically like how to present myself and as a the reason i brought up modi is just that like

Like, whereas for Modi and, you know, my intention, of course, is not to speak to his experience because like I can't and I'm not trying to. But like he doesn't look a way that needs to be addressed. But the thing is, so I don't think. I don't know. Yeah. I, I wouldn't like be like shocked. Yeah.

to find out that you were straight interesting yeah i have a joke that i've been doing now like i know you're gay because i know you and i know you're gay right but i would never i don't know if i would like look at you and be like yeah Okay. Definite. Right. But maybe. Yeah.

in those settings yeah in those settings yeah I don't know I mean yeah I've gotten that feedback from another friend too because he was like he was like I feel like if you didn't address it there would be no anything the reason that I feel it is that then like sometimes I'll like not say it until a certain point in my set and it doesn't have to be you feel you betrayed them well no but the then I'll say I'm gay and I'll do like a joke about and then the laugh is so

big but then i'm like oh so this was the elephant in the room oh interesting that's the thing and i'm just trying i mean i'm just obviously i'm just trying to like do a good show like for sure you know like i'm not trying to like be a way

to these people, no matter who the audience, you're not trying to change people's minds. No, I'm really just trying to like, let's, let's all have a laugh. I'm always trying to be sneaky and make you like really like me. And then like, I'm like, I'm going to say something that.

you might have a problem with right interesting but but you're gonna like it because you like me now right you're gonna be on board with my shit yeah interesting right right like yeah i went to this dracula comedy musical in portland with my boyfriend and his parents yeah and the person who played dracula was so hot okay like so amazing whatever and then at the end of the show you look at your program and you find out it's been a

lesbian woman the whole time okay she just has short hair and she was wearing like a muscular yeah chest plate or whatever and wearing like a stuffed little dick in there whatever yeah and i was looking around because this is Okay, it wasn't Oregon proper or Portland proper. It was coastal Oregon. Sure. There's a lot of really conservative people out there. And I'm looking around at these guys that I'm like, their brains just exploded. Yeah, totally. Because they just watched...

Dracula like woo this woman and now they're finding out like she's a woman and ugh I was like, but you loved Dracula before, right? Like, remember when you loved Dracula? So you love this. Yeah. So you're gay now. And that's what I intend to tell all of these Orthodox audiences. Yeah. You're tricking them. Right. Yeah. Right, right, right.

been gay interesting yeah um no and some of them are gay well yeah some of their you're doing like very good representation for young little lesbians yes who are like yeah this sounds like it's bad my parents keep saying it's bad i keep going to like temple people say it's bad like yeah this liz i like her right and she seems happy and married and cool and and there is there is very much

a part of me that like really desires telling that story you know because for me growing up like that's all I you think I wouldn't have wanted to see like a healthy stable relationship between two women like

Yeah, that's literally all I wanted to see. So we talked about Amy Schumer briefly. Oh, yeah. Before. Yeah. But recently you did a show that's very popular in New York called Stick or Treat. And it's been comics. dress up and perform as other comics yep and you were amy schumer i was and when i was getting out of the cab you were like remy casimir and i like looked at this like blonde slut calling bra yeah tits out um glam on yeah being like remi and i'm like

Who is that? I'm like, am I friends with that hot slut? Yeah, I'm friends with a bunch of hot sluts, but I don't know that hot slut. Which was my delight, by the way. to people and like having the surprise I really delighted in it that night but like was it yeah crazy for like first of all did you get hit on like crazy by men I got hit on a bunch yeah and then

Did you feel that there, well, obviously like you are playing a character, but like, did it feel different to be a straight woman doing standup? Yeah. I don't know that I like my standup in that. situation like I think you know there are some people who've done stick or treat a lot like you know somebody who comes to mind is Adam Mamawala who did like such an amazing Aziz and you know like it's it's

of course, acting and like it requires practice. I don't know. You know, I actually, I did three sets as Amy. I got up at Gramercy New York comedy club Gramercy before then I did stick or treat then I was I was asked like by New York comedy club. Oh, can you drop in as Amy? Hilarious. Um, on the 10 15. Yeah. And so after sticker treat, I went to fourth street and I have the wig. And so we're having a whole experience. And.

that was my favorite set was the third one and the thing is that like you know I feel like I I don't know I don't know if I really necessarily on stage got amy because i i just i mean i tried you're good for stick thank you but like yeah i don't know that that was my favorite part of it but like the off stage the two interactions it really just people were like

okay, are you like, you're really embodying right now? Yeah, you were. Yeah, and so I don't doubt that piece of it, but that part also, I was so... in it because i couldn't not be once i had all that on i can't even yeah imagine yeah like the change up totally and i think you know it's like I think that like the reason I love acting class.

Um, and I always think of the Gary, not Gary Goldman, um, the, um, Gary Shanling documentary, the Judd Apatow two part thing on HBO, which I rewatch like every couple of years. I find it so inspiring.

But in that, Gary Shanling, I guess, loved acting. And ultimately, all the notes he wrote to himself were like, just be... like should be the most, you know, and, and ultimately like it seemed that his journey in acting was like, a journey towards becoming more himself totally right and like that's i think the you know Maybe there's not like one lesson in acting, but I think the reason that it's so compelling to do is that we learn parts of ourselves by playing other people. And so, I mean...

It's not lost on me that this is a sex podcast and I'm talking about this like, I don't think Amy Schumer is slutty.

I mean, whether she is or isn't her persona, you know, many years ago on stage seemed to be that, but like, I have no idea what her actual self and life is and don't purport to, but like, I, I think that if I could take from the experience of... playing her for that night it's like if i could embody a kind of sluttiness more in my actual life and my actual life includes like no bit of that at all yeah okay

Maybe that'd be good. Maybe a little role play in the bedroom. Sure. Yeah. Although whenever I dress up like that, Karen is like, okay, this is not. what i bargain for because like you know it's i mean and neither is it for me um But yeah, it's like an interesting thing. But you don't have to be Amy. You can find another thing. Right, right. Exactly. She's like...

No. Right. Pass. Yeah. Next. Also like you keep just like springing this on me. Like you keep just like walking home as Amy. I think I need some prep. Sure. Right. Right.

All right. Well, we're winding down, which means I have to ask a question, which I haven't yet. Do you remember your first orgasm? Yes. I do think it was... well the one I remember it probably feels insulting to say that it was the first and it might be inaccurate but the one I really remember was when this was with a woman who I had like had a childhood crush on yeah and then

was someone who i had a sexual experience with very illicitly later in life um and yeah it was with her so wait how late in life like 21 cool yeah i think and i don't know i mean i don't know that that was like the first because like maybe there was one before but like that's the one that comes to mind but you weren't having like sex ed or like oh sex ed at my school yeah no it's like literal from a rabbi yeah and

basically was like marry a rabbi yeah which i did yes but i don't know that that's what they were getting yeah after you know like i actually did everything you said yes i one on a technicality the poster child i sure am of shul yep um okay so no exploration or whatever but even if you did explore and be like what the fuck am i doing yeah um great 21 yeah And it was you doing it to yourself with this woman or... It was kind of like...

I remember it was sort of like a dry humping situation. Yeah, it was like a dry humping situation that resulted in an orgasm that I completely did not see coming.

yeah so fun yeah yeah yeah and do you still practice dry humping um not actively okay so what you're gonna do is you're gonna role play oh yeah being like young childless okay people yes maybe you met at shul maybe you met at at camp yeah okay oh that's so interesting i didn't realize there was like a sex therapy part of this podcast there's not but now this just sounds fun for me i just love telling people like what to do please so

You can take it or leave it. I'm going to take it. Great. Thanks, Remy. Before I take you to lunch. Okay. Liz. Where can everybody find you online? So at Liz Glazer, I have a special and an album. It's called, both of them are called. Don't be glazing me. It's called, do you know who I'm not? Great.

And yeah, there's a full special on YouTube and an album that you can get wherever you get like things you listen to like this podcast. Yeah. You can follow me at Remy Casimir. You guys recommend that. And I don't know if I would recommend it. I'm quite boring lately. On TikTok though. That's where I'm shining these days. Okay.

watch my reposts i don't make my own content no i'm just kidding i make my own content oh yeah but the reposts are really where it's at sure follow this podcast at how come podcast if you want to listen to this whole episode unedited go to patreon.com slash how come And yeah, we love you guys. Liz, I just have to ask you one more question, which I have to ask everyone after a sexual experience. Yeah. Did you finish? I did. Okay, great. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you.

for having me of course um thank you guys for listening and we'll see you next time on how come bye bye it's not you it's me I try so hard to finish honestly They say you'll know When you go all the way from A right down to O Oh no I think that I've still got a ways to go I'm sick of this and I have got to know How come? How come I can't achieve? How come I can't achieve? I'm rolling up my sleeves I'm rolling up my sleeves Oh baby I believe these guests can help

Cause I can't do it by myself. I wanna jizz.