Hi, guys. Hey and welcome and chatters. Thank you, Shane. It's suggestion. We love it. I think that works. Well, that's what we're gonna go with for now. So since you're one of our founding shadows, do you get the right? You got the. Right, props to you. Mate to you mate. We've just gone through five love languages on our main episode, but we thought we'd dig a little bit deeper and kind of go through our results in a little bit more detail and check
in and see how we're going. Yeah, yeah. So I mean straight off the top. So gifts is my top one. You haven't got me a gift in a long time, but I it's not like it's taken me to be filled, if that makes sense. I feel like again, I mentioned about the mug, but it's I feel like I've got stuff around like even the setup here, like this was still a gift to me and I feel like I've got a lot of things around there. Reminds me of your love, if that makes sense. So gives us gifts is quite good.
He said I haven't got you a gift in awhile because I was thinking I get you gifts all the time and you haven't gotten me a gift more. Oht Really. Yeah. I I get you like lollies and stuff. When I go shopping I'm like, oh, that's a special thing for Blair. So I'll get you like lollies or I got you that gift when we got 10,000. Yeah, so that's actually really good because, and this is what I was reading through, this is
it's the token. So if it's something that disappears, it's not a actual impactful gift. It's a nice gesture, but the love feels like again going back to Mark goodness, actually right here yeah is I see it yeah. So it's that ongoing thing. So it's something that can keep. It's not expensive at all It's not about the price. It's about what like the thought behind them. But it's like continually remember if it's food or anything that can consume or it's gone in a moment like a
ticket to the movies. It's not a gift like that. They. Haven't done a ticket? No, no. You haven't, but it's like if that was your gift, it'd be nice gesture, but it wouldn't be the token of your. Off. That's funny cause I've been like those times when I do that is because I'm like, I need to get something for Blair. This is my intentional gift, really. Yeah. That's like he doesn't do that for me anymore. Yeah, cause I mean, yeah, I think. I mean.
Yeah, yeah, I like, I got you where I was just, I was just small cause I, I watched you as well to see what you're doing. Because it's either you're doing it, I feel like it's either you're starting to do these things because you're empty on it. And so I start to like watch what you're doing and like, oh, you're getting me stuff. I'll get you some wine, you know, that's why I did that, but I didn't actually realise the gifts was higher than you are
higher for you now. It was more that I wonder if that's low for you at the moment like you're tanking in that area was. Lunch. I think it could be the same thing. Yeah, possibly. I think that it could come out higher because my tank is lower. The gifts are still higher for me, but my tank doesn't feel like, yeah, you know, I mean, so. Words of affirmation and some feel low to me, but still my highest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so it's.
Cool. Well The funny thing is though, because I've been giving you those gifts thinking because you look really excited when I get it for you. So I don't know if you are or if you're just saying you're excited. Oh no, I still like the gifts. Like again, I like the token of appreciation rather. Than a gift because I speak. To my language. That wouldn't be, that would be the same for me because I'll be like, oh, that's nice. Especially alcohol.
I just like something about people buying me alcohol that I like. I don't know. I don't know why. I just, yeah, your dad does really well with that. He gets me alcohol that I don't necessarily love, you know? It's very.
Lovely. But what I'm trying to say is on the guest part, which was really interesting to me because I've got a little chart here and it says it's got heartfelt and practical on one side, so it's going to scale there and then it's got extravagant and simple on another scale, and mine are practical, so not heartfelt. That's why Flowers to me has never. Been because I remember I used to get you chocolates and flowers I mean you like. Chocolates would be a nice taken but flowers are not.
Yeah, so expensive. Like if you had spent that money on Mac and cheese for me, Yeah, I know then that genuinely. It was funny cause I took out your sister. Yeah, his sister the other day and they were like, you've just finished a play and she wanted to show you give your gift to say well done. And I took her around and we got you or she got you off my recommendation. Snow jacket, Mac and cheese, a bottle of wine, chocolate and chocolate, right. How was?
That so good. Yeah. You know what was the most exciting about cheese and cheese? And I just eaten a whole box of Mac and cheese in the last two weeks. It's not like something I haven't had that's so funny. But someone getting that for me or I think you've gotten it for me from my stopping before. Yeah. That is Christmas stocking. Yeah. Christmas stocking. Yeah. That is the most out of all of those things. And then the alcohol is the 2nd and then the chocolate.
Love the chocolate and the snow jacket. Very practical, but also not me immediately applicable. So it was like, well I don't have one. Not not super special necessarily at this point in time, but will be really helpful down the track. Fans of the way that you received it, like the Mac and cheese was like the love. That was the love thing. It's so. Funny. So on mine it's it's more practical and and it's equal,
extravagant and simple. So Mac and cheese is simple, but the the best it's still it is a love gift, but it's still that kind of Tony love gift because now it's gone she straight. Away via liked markers in Jesus as much as you did, it still wouldn't be Yeah, the thing that it's gone. Yeah, but they, the gifts you've given me that I've been the most impactful are things like that, even though I never use it, my tripod thing for my phone because it's just you.
It's extravagant. I love technology. So anything technology. You got me a Google Home on Christmas. You've got me a lot like my first mic for when I start my, my first podcast. All that sort of stuff has been my favourite gifts that's there kind of more extravagant, but they're also practical. They're Yeah, Amy likes this. I like GI, have a feeling you hate that. I love that but I never use it because it's complicated and it's it's stressing my brain out
to figure. Out. So that's why I'm like, oh, that wasn't a good one because it was. It's too complicated. It's a good one, it's the actual work outworking of it which is just a system thing on their part, not you at all. Like it's a perfect gift for. My favourite gift I ever received from any extended family ever was my Nana and grandpa who don't usually get us Christmas gifts.
I don't even know why they did. This year they bought me a pod coffee machine which blew a bunch of coffee pots just from ALDI. It was a cheap one. Wasn't super cheap, but it wasn't like huge And my mum had suggested it to them and I just, I've never felt as excited about any gift I've ever received from extended family as that conference. And it wasn't because it was huge. It just was like, I love coffee. This is my own thing because ours is still like a young
adult. I don't really own anything of my own like that. And I was like, this is a basket. And I don't know that they really understand how much I love the coffee machine. Anyway, that's very deep dive on the gift side. Yeah, that's. Gone. So for you, what did the gifts come up with on that chart? It's on page all of my page 7. Years, but I disagree with this so yeah. So I disagree with this.
So you could say Gifford is heartfelt and extravagant is most likely to warm your heart and connect you to the gift giver. So do you think heartfelt and maybe medium between extravagant and simple or do you think more simple because or do you think more? Practical. You land in the. Middle, I think I land in the middle and and that's part on
the thing. It's like it's literally just over the line, like, you know, and I was thinking through it go so to say, like you got me that tripod right, which I would just not use. I because I have to maintain. I have to learn out. I just it would know the mug gangsta swag there is so simple. I don't have to do anything with it. I clean it and I use it and that's it. Like it's it's like a high maintenance thing. So I guess me something that's
like high maintenance. Yeah, I I lose interest because it doesn't. Yeah, it's going to be practical, simple and and yeah, it doesn't have to be expensive. Speaker once. I love that. I love that. Yes, it straight away. Yeah, don't think what other more extravagant gifts. I can't even think of the gifts I get you every year. They're sorely out of my head. Would you give me last Christmas? I got you 01 time. One time. I got you Ray-ban speakers. I get extra. I tend to go like above and
beyond. Yeah, sure. How much you appreciate a heads up with the speakers in them? They they were good, but not yeah, I don't know where they are. I would say I think you probably ended. Up. Sorry. Yeah, I think because they thought they were cool in theory. Like I love technology stuff they'll call in theory but practise they'll just paying the bike. Yeah, yeah, because my theory was like, oh, you wear Sunny all the time when you work, so you might as well listen all you
work anyway. But yeah, that's what he was working in trade. It's interesting. It'd be good outside of this because it just will take too long for us to look back at the stuff that we've gotten and and literally like almost list out what has been the most obviously the mug for you. It's one of them. Like what the other things have meant. Because it does still stress me out at Christmas.
Don't want to? Get about what to get because I know that in theory it seems like a simple thing for it to not have to be extravagant but just mean something. But then I'm like but it has to mean something to figure out what means something, and that feels complicated for me because mine is more practical. Yeah, so we could do is get going through all the gifts that you've done. I can say like how it's been a meaningful scale and we go
through there because. I mean, the mug is which I just bring it up because right there and there's other stuff that's being meaningful to Yeah, but the that I use every day. So that's where it's easier to say that. But so then just quickly to go through my words of affirmation, sorry, my highest one, which is why it's affirmation.
I thought it was really interesting because I've known words about formation is high, but I also knew it wasn't just people saying I actually get quite uncomfortable sometimes. And in my head I was like, well, maybe I got uncomfortable because it's so significant to me that it almost makes me a bit like weirded out. And I also find it really hard to be vulnerable with like not to be vulnerable. I find it really easy to be open and talk about whatever.
But if I'm with a friend and even with us when we first like like we're together, I find it really hard to admit how significant someone is to so even the phrase of like, oh, you're my best friend. Like that to me was really just a really like weird thing to do. But this deeper quiz for the five love languages broke down the types of words that are
important. And I thought this was really helpful because encouragement, which is things like like, oh, you can do it, you can do it. That's actually the lowest for me. It's like 13%. That's actually not, I've never, those things don't mean much. So I think that was for me part of it like anything that's a little throwaway or like a little like what's the word like cliche or not really about me is not significant. In fact, it kind of is a bit like repelling the people that
are like, Oh, I love you. I love you. Like I, I love that. Obviously our in within our family is different, but when it comes to friends, I had friends that were really like, oh, I love you, I love you. And they say to everyone, oh, you're my best, you're my best. You was like, who's your bestie? I couldn't figure out which ones your bestie cause you said about 5 different people. And then, you know, they're all like, oh, I love you.
And I'm like, yeah. But you're throwing that around so much, it's lost its meaning to. Those things throw me off. I don't do those naturally. I've had to really work out getting better at that because they don't seem specific and but then there's appreciation, which is at 38% for me, which is an expression of value, worth and significance. So they've got examples here. They say thank you for always listening or I'm grateful for your perspective. Thank you for being so reliable.
These are pretty broad. Like those examples don't really resonate with me, but I think appreciation for what I've done. So our oldest son commented recently and is he said that I found out he said the same thing to you time. It felt special. He was like, mom, I want to, I want to celebrate you because you do everything for us. He hasn't said that's amazing. He said he wants to. He looks for any of the she needs to celebrate someone. Yeah, but he said to me something different.
But yeah. Cause he's like, I was like, what do you mean? I do everything. He's like, you do everything. Like you made the office and you did the lounge room and he remembers things really well. And he's like, can you cook us dinner and you make us lunch? And just all these things that he was listening. And that was really significant to me because I was like, he notices the things I do and back sort of to that mental loan kind of thing. There's a lot that I do.
There's a lot that everybody does and you just don't see them. Hmm. And so when they're noticed or appreciated, that's really significant to me. Then the top one is compliments, and this is a really interesting, it is polite and positive expressions of praise. I think you could have a really unheard felt compliment. I think someone like, oh, you're so nice, you're so clever or you're so pretty, like and and I can hear that and be like, OK, yeah.
But if someone says you are really good at this thing, I crave that. If someone's like Amy's really, if here's someone calling out what I'm good at or what I do well at or something positive about me to someone else in a really real way, that means so, so much to me.
If I hear, if you tell me something that I've done, especially in a work kind of way or something about who I am inside, like my abilities and that kind of thing, that means a lot to me. If you say that's why that quote went so viral and why it was so significant to me, it wasn't. You've told me I'm beautiful many times, and you telling me that I'm beautiful is great. You tell me why I'm beautiful was huge and it's the same as like you.
If you you know, if I come out and I'm all dressed up and you're oh, you look nice. That's great. But if I come out and be like, wow, you look really nice, or I can see that you're living out town. Max that look. Stop. You just keep coming up behind me, giving me cuddles anyway. Then back to me is like, oh, I know that he's appreciating me
and that is different. So I thought it was really interesting to break it down into those because again, you could just be like, oh, she likes words, so I'm just going to say words like. I genuinely in my hair like I need to write you notes. Yeah, you're the best, you know, Yeah, when you. Talk about the notes and the other thing, like actually wouldn't. If I get a note that says I love you, you're the best, it's like, oh, that's cute, but it's not actually going to need.
Yeah, If you said, and I hear you do it all the time, which is really lovely. You'll talk about me on your meetings, like at work and because I work with Blair and you'll say, oh, yeah, he's really good at this or something. When you sell me to someone else or when I hear you appreciate what I am capable of as an individual, that's different to other people, that really means a lot. I say it. Louder so you can hear, yeah, hear that loud. What is your? Because I know this is your
lowest. Yeah. So my lowest is in complement. Interesting SO. That's your highest then? It's very close to 20% compliment than 27% encouragement. Yeah, and 53% appreciation. Interesting. So once. Appreciation and. Yes, I'm trying to figure out the difference between the two. So compliment is polite and positive expression of praise. Appreciation is an expression of value, worth and significance. So I guess they're like work thing. Probably fits into appreciation rather than compliment.
Like so for example. This is hypothetical. So my work's got a big award and my boss went up and it's like, you know, thank you for this award. I really relied on player to do this, this, this like that. Done acknowledgements as well of that, yeah. I don't know, I feel like it's similar to what you're saying is yours, but I'm trying to work out on the differences between the two I. Think especially because comma, if we use so low, yeah. So it's kind of important.
There's a there's a little like compliments often help you stay motivated to excel when you know they come from the heart. Sure, you enjoy all of them to some extent, but verbal expressions highlighting your positive qualities like your good decision maker, your actions you are gifted when it comes to interacting with children, your achievements. I'm impressed by the way you saw the project to the finish line
or even your appearance. Your fashion sense is an inspiration is no one ever say that to me because it's not, but also because it wouldn't mean anything. Compliments boost your spirit, convey affection, compulsory relationships. So that's, I guess what they're putting under compliments. I don't know. Yeah. Interesting. It'd be interesting to dive into that a little bit more than figure out the difference. Really interesting. But it's good again, like even for us, we haven't revisited
this properly for years now. So this has been really cool down because I've I've learned more about you and you've learned more about me, about my gifts and why I want and the words that you actually, you know, want to hear from me like just like that. Now that's great.
And the things that I've been intentionally doing or we've been intentionally doing, thinking it's loving, but it's and it is loving because that something you haven't dived into, but we will require is also it's not just a matter of what that person. It's a matter of understanding how you naturally show up and then also understanding how that person actually understands love. Because they will mismatch and you could be like, Oh they love this but also not recognise what you're giving.
And I think they break it down as well as you're giving of love. So what I give out as love is different to what I receive in as love. Yeah. And yeah, it's like a whole big web, yeah. Yeah, it's good. It's really, really impactful. I love these conversations. Really encourage you guys to check it out. Love language. fivelovelanguages.com. Yeah, you got the free version or the paid version that both are good. Check it out guys. Thanks Chinese. Chatters next time we chat, bye bye.