Do you ever feel like you're speaking two different languages in your relationship? Or do you wonder why your partner shuts down when you bring something up? Today we're talking about how understanding each other's wiring can really transform your relationship. We're really pumped about today's guests, Sam and Liv from Silly Stories for Kids. These are our kids heroes, so getting them onto our podcast is really exciting.
Silly Stories has been the number one downloaded podcast for kids and families category and we get to hear from them today about communication in their relationship. So stay tuned. This is going to be a good one. Honey, we need to chat. The main memory I have of you that I don't even know if is real. I need you to confirm for me because.
I think you've heard the story. The only thing I can remember is 1 rainy day, being in the locker Bay, there's a crowd of our classmates and and they're cheering on this guy. And I was like, what are you guys doing? And then this boy jumped onto the railing of the steps and slipped down and whacked his head and got taken away in an ambulance. Is that is that an accurate
story? 100% the funniest thing about that story is my memories of it 'cause literally the last thing I remember I was standing on top of a picnic table with the whole you level there chanting do it, do it, do it and one guy being like don't do it man, you gotta gotta mess yourself up. And I literally the last thing I remember is me turning to him and saying no I'll be. Fine, I remember I was at the back and I came in and I was like, you guys are so stupid.
And I was like, why are we all telling him to do this? And then you fell and you whacked your head. It was like look so traumatic. And I was like, This is why do you know you don't do this? There was a rumour going around that I died. When I came back, one of the guys was like, I heard that you died. I'm like, sorry to disappoint, no. The teacher chanting. Mystic.
Do you remember him? The next thing I remember after standing on top of the table, just being on the ground under a space blanket with miss standing over the top of me chanting chicks dig scars, bone will heal. And I remember just going what what happened? And the ambulance people were like, that's the seventh time you've asked that. Now we're starting to get a little bit worried. And I was like, but seriously, what what happened? But the best part is I made it
to a a formal that knot. And so I remember none of it, but supposedly I was a lot of fun. You're very happy in the photos the. Painkillers were strong, so. Welcome back to Honey. We need to chat. We are so excited today. We've got 2 incredible guests joining us. This is a really special guest episode for our family because our kids are obsessed with Sam. Sam and Liv are joining us.
Sam and Liv Ramson and you may or may not have heard of Silly Stories for Kids. It's a podcast that skyrocketed, and I can't wait to hear more about that whole incredible journey. But our kids are obsessed with it. It's such a good podcast for kids. And they write letters, they write stories. They talk about all the different characters all the time.
They were so bombed that they were going to be at school when we were doing this interview to the point where our oldest was trying to convince him, convince us to keep him home from school. Yeah. And our and our second oldest woke up with a limp this morning quotations and couldn't walk properly. And so they come up with any excuse, like we'll just stay home and meet you mate. But yeah, they've got this video they can watch back.
They also were very confused why Sam from Silly Stories would be wanting to be on our podcast. Yeah, why would he come on your podcast? As I said, I mentioned when we're in drawing, but yeah, anyway, so we're really excited to have Sam and we're also super excited to have his wife live join us because as you know, we're a podcast all about communication and relationships. And these concepts that are the foundation of relationships are so important and we're so
passionate about them. So we love chatting to other couples and seeing how they've navigated it in their marriages and also in their different seasons of life. And you guys have a lot going on. So we can't wait to learn more about you guys. Thank you for finding the time and thank you. It's been a long time coming and so I really appreciate your patience with finding a date and actually being here. That's such a a helpful thing when we're trying to navigate
these things. So thank you for being here, guys. Thanks for having us. We're really excited to come on. We love what you guys do, so it's fun to feel a part of it. And you can tell your kids that I feel very special to be on your podcast. Great. That's. Good, great. I'm gonna clip that and they're gonna that's gonna be played before every single silly story. Kids at night time when they go. Every time they disagree with us like Sam from Silly Stories. Sam said we're cool.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But say, say it at the end of the episode, and then we'll really know you're telling the truth. I'll send you some clips from the different characters telling your kids how amazing you are. So anytime they give you some grief, you can you can play something some of the characters and be like, oh, remember. Parenting gold right there. That would be, I guess, parenting. Oh man, we're really excited to have you guys here, so thank you for joining us.
Also your studio if anyone's watching the videos, your studio looks so cool. So much nicer than ours. So much nicer than ours. Yeah, I've got some jealousy it. Normally looks terrible. You guys were the inspiration to go, oh, I should try and make this look good and it it might make me start recording some video stuff for my podcast as well. You. Should you've done it very well and we've been working on our studio for a very long time and haven't achieved that yet.
So I'm kind of jealous now to start us off though, we'd love to hear about you guys, if you could introduce yourselves, what you do, your family. I mean, we'd also love to hear how the silly stories world unfolded for you and what that's looked like for your family and your marriage as well. One at a time, though, I did just like, yeah, hydrant of questions, but if you can remember all of them, perfect.
Leave, leave. You can fill them in on who we are and I'll I'll jump on the silly story stuff. I probably know much more about that one, so. So I'm Liv AKA misses silly stories for kids as all the school families know me and a lot of the kids know me. So we've been married for 11 1/2 years, a long time. It's gone quick and in that time I've had four beautiful little girls. So we've got an 864 and a 19 month old. So we're nice and busy.
Samuel runs an electrical company five days a week and also silly stories on the side. So after hours and in any time we can make it fit between mummy. I'm also a cardio respiratory physiotherapist, so I'm the physio that no one really knows about. I work in intensive care. I didn't even know that I would exist when I started doing physio. Yeah, but fell in love with it. So I work with ventilated patients and yeah, in the ICU. So I really love that.
So I do that two days a week and that is enough because between 4:00 kids and two days of work with less than the fact that my mum can look after the girls those days that I work. But that's my life maxed out. Absolutely. We both do a little bit of volunteer stuff down at a local church in a few different capacities. I do some youth work there. We've done some teaching and things. But on the silly story side, that's that's been a wild little adventure that I don't think
either of us ever expected. It wasn't our idea. We didn't think of it at all. But having kids, bedtime's always been one of those things that you kind of just, it's damage control a lot of the time. And we found that something that worked for us was me laying down on the floor and just, I have a very wild busy brain and I used to just lay on the floor and just make up stories for our kids. And my father in law, Liv's dad was actually listening to them all.
And he told Liv, one day, I need you to get your kids looked after. I need to speak to you and your husband. And we were both like, Oh no, what have we done? What have we forgotten? Do we owe the money or that we've forgotten about or something? And they're like full panic stations. And he took us out to a local pub and sat us down and said, hey, I listen to you tell these stories for a while. I want you to turn it into a podcast. Like what are you talking?
About and then he brings out the stats like my dad's a very, he's very entrepreneurial minded. So he brings everything out. He's researched it, and he's like, there's nothing in this space that's like what you do. So he'd heard it because it started when Holly Eldest was one. Yeah. So he'd been telling them for about 6:00 or so years. And he can just rattle them off without thinking. So he sits and just goes, I'm going to talk about popcorn and just tells this story.
And when we started timing them, they all went for like 11. And 1/2 it was really 12. Minutes. Just naturally found into the rhythm. Wow, yeah. Seriously. But yeah, we kicked it off and I started, I'm someone who likes to do things well. So once I decided I was going to do it, I went down the rabbit hole of all like the YouTube videos and everything of like, how do you start a podcast? Let's get addicted to technology and work out what different
microphones. As you can see, this is like 2 of like the five microphones I've got. I just like to hear what they all sound like and play with all the different things. And it's like a bit of a, it's a bit of a focus point for me. I just love learning about all that kind of stuff. But I honestly thought I was recording them for our kids to hopefully show their kids one day of like, hey, this was when your grandpa went insane kind of
thing. But as it kind of got running, all of a sudden people were listening and then people overseas were listening. And then we started showing up on the weird one was all of a sudden I opened up this app that kind of tells you where you're ranking in different countries and stuff. And we were number one in Israel. I was like, what the heck is killing? And it was just this moment of realisation. This thing was turning into a lot more than what we ever expected.
And so it just kept growing and growing and growing and just opened random doors and just given me so many opportunities to use creativity that I'd never got to use previously in my electrical business or anything like that. So fun little adventure. Little is maybe the questionable word there, but yes, fun adventure for sure. It's fun. It's so much fun. It's one of those things, the more you kind of just step out and give something a go, it's exciting to see where it goes.
And even if it all flops at some stage, what an exciting little journey to have some fun with at the time. So. And I was just gonna say it's easy in like you guys would understand, for kids, life is very, very busy. And as they're getting older, you're adding all the extracurriculars and all these
things. And for something that, like, Samuel was recording in a cupboard, like literally in a cupboard after hours with some blankets and a microphone, it was so easy to release him to do that because it excited me so much to see him using the way that he's wired, his creativity, the joy it would bring him and the life it would bring him.
It was in regards to counting the cost of what it took at home for me to, you know, put the kids down and do a bit of tidying up while he was ducking out to the cupboard to record. It was easy to do because it was so life giving to him and so exciting just to see, yeah, how he was using, how he's wired. It's just amazing. Wow, that story is incredible.
And I love that because it could be really easy for something that was started off as kind of a, let's see how this goes and then blows up like that to be a sore point in a marriage because you are having to then sacrifice some of your time and some of your energy to make him free to do that. And so I love that. That's such a life giving thing for both of you. You're watching him enjoy that, and him having that creative outlet is huge.
And because Samuels, don't get me wrong, he's a great electrician, but he's in electrical because he loves people that he comes home and he talks about from work is I got to go into this house today and I had this conversation with the homeowner and our apprentices. You know, we had all these amazing conversations and just seeing him invest in people, that's what he loves, that's what he loves doing. So this podcast just gives him such an outlet to positively
impact other people's families. And selfishly, I'd held that for seven years. And that's what my dad said to me. He's like, you can't keep this gift just to yourself because giving me 11 1/2 to 12 minutes, probably about 1520 minutes by the time you got the girls in said or told them a story, what I could achieve in our house in
15 minutes of peace to reset. Whether it was, you know, loading the dishwasher or, you know, clearing table or getting just toys off the floor or it enabled me that when the girls were then in bed and Samuel came back out, we had a space where we could actually sit with each other.
So it was such a gift to then be able to give that to other families and what the ways that we've heard from other families, how they're using it in their own lives, whether it's just, you know, kids with anxiety, not being able to get to into the classroom. They pop headphones on them and they can listen to a story from the drive to school to walk into the classroom and take it off to get into the classroom.
Like gifts like that, That's such an incredible thing, to be able to allow other people the joy of doing so. One of my favourites was a dad who came up to me and he's like, I need to thank you. I'm like, why is that? And he goes, because my kids will be in rat bags. And I was ready to see how far they could fly.
And, and I was, I could feel that anger building up inside of me. And instead of an outburst, I just said, go listen to Sam. And they went off and they turned on their little speaker and they started listening. And he said, I took some time just to pause and come calm down and come back as a better dad. And I was like, oh hell, what is that like? To be able to create some opportunity for people to have more positive interactions? It's a massive blessing to be a part of that.
Absolutely, mate. And like I said to you earlier, before we start recording, you know, like to get you onto our podcast, it's more than just like, oh cool, we've got this guest speaker on. He's done something, you know,
really cool out there for kids. It's way more than that because as a parent, it's like knowing the impact it's had on my kids, like helping them go to sleep or when they've had a low day or whatever else like that, that person that can go to that just brings that spark and that skipping their step, whatever that has a, a special part for, for us to as parents. And so, you know, like I, I will be honest, there's only so much I can listen to with the stories, All right.
So like, like, like any, any children's show, right? There's only so much I can cope with. But it's been really, really amazing, man. And you saw the way that my daughter reacted and my kids were up late last night writing cards and stuff for you. Because it's not just this is a famous person. It's like, no, this is Sam. We know Sam, we know these characters and these these characters had an impact on our life, which is really, really special. Mate. What have you learnt?
Like, so, you know, do your kids listen to this podcast to to your podcast? No, no, to your podcast. To your podcast. They still all they want is a live story because they feel like they're getting treated when they listen to dad on a speaker. Yeah, yeah, they like they do listen to it. We drove so we have a family holiday house in Bright, so 3 1/2 hour drive and our kids are like let's start at the start and see how far we can get. And I was like really?
And we did. We listened to it for 3 1/2 hours straight. Wow, I. Wasn't in the car. He wasn't in the car. I called Sam and I'm like, I love you so much, but if I need to listen to that intro one more, I'm going to go in name you. Literally said when you arrive, please just don't speak for a little bit. Just wave, man. Just wave.
Yeah, hugs and wave. It's been for us, though, the learning journey has been a really exciting kind of thing of looking to inspire different forms of creativity in their own kids. So understand how much joy there is for me in getting to use my brain as it kind of is wired rather than trying to push it into doing what everyone else
wants it to do for once. Finding those areas where you can release a person to do what it is that brings them real joy rather than try and push them into a little box and kind of make them do what they need to do. Looking for opportunities for that with our kids because like, I don't know what it's like with your for, but I didn't realise there was 4 forms of opposite until we had our kids.
So they're all so different and so like amazing, but you got to kind of look at it from age as individuals. If you try and replicate the same kind of stuff from one to the next, it just doesn't work so. So how is that actually played out into your story? So you've got four different kids and this is where the base is. You know how you sort of started up telling these stories for your kids, but as you said, you know you have 4 different types of opposites.
So you learning each one of your kids and what they respond to and so forth. How did you go about that process? Within the stories, man, it's, it's tricky to kind of articulate because I don't actually think, to be honest, whenever I'm recording a story, it's just like taking the brakes off and seeing where it runs.
So for me, it feels like I'm very much experiencing the story as it's coming out rather than the one telling it, which is quite strange because I often forget that it's me telling it and I find myself listening and going, oh, that's kind of, that's kind of funny. I'm like, oh, hang on, that's you. Like you got to cut. It out a few of this kind. Of stuff. I've learned that so much stuff in natural life just changes the little bits inside of me so that what naturally comes out in
those moments is different. So the more I get to understand my kids and what they find funny and who they are, then naturally in those moments where I'm not consciously thinking, it changes what comes out in those moments just because of over time what I've learned. Because all of a sudden what's in me is different than it was before. When you squeeze something, what's going to come out of it is only what was already in there in the 1st place.
So the more information that we can put in about who our kids are and how they react and what they enjoy and what they don't enjoy, it will naturally when you take the brakes off and let it run, it'll come out differently the more you put in. We were actually talking about this the other night when I was saying one of the things I think we've really had to learn with our kids is that we've needed to be good students of each child
that we have. We need to learn who they are and we can't treat them all the same. And in regards if we're talking specifically about creativity, one of our children really, really struggle to sit and focus and write. They're so creative, like you talk to them and they are witty and sharp and quick and just the funniest girl. And but she really struggles to get that down on writing. And last holidays I bought her a book and I tried to encourage her and it just became so hard
for her. And then a couple of days later I gave her a laptop with voice to text and she wrote this eight page script for a play which she took to school to teach all of her friends. She gave them all parts and the way she formatted it. So knowing how she's wide and not forcing her to do something to try to express who she is in a way that's really hard for her, but finding what works for her, it was amazing. Then to see what actually came out of her. It blew my mind.
I was not even I when Samuel was like, look at this, like this is actually, it's incredible. But I think when we were talking about that, I said that was actually something we had to do at the start of our marriage. And I think that works seriously, really, really well for us is we had lots of opportunities early on because we got married when I was 21, No 22, just turned 22. Yeah. And Samuel, just 23. Yeah. Oh, we're about to turn. Oh, I don't know.
We were young. We were young when we got married, but we had lots of opportunities early on to do a few things that we did pre marriage counselling, which was fantastic. We did it with about 3. We did like a formal one and then two couples who we would just catch up with and chat with, which was really, really valuable. And then we also did another course. It was old. Do you remember? No, so, so too.
So it was just a course, which what it did is you looked at things like family ties, family of origin, Unbearable Feelings was a really, really big one that worked really well for us. Where you look at what, what is an emotion that is or a situation that is unbearable for you and how do you respond in that situation? So we walked away from that learning that I myself, I was a bottler. So I, but neither of us lack confrontation. We don't like to raise things or do something that's going to
cause friction. But the difference we learned between us is that I'm a bottler in that I won't react to the conflict or start conflict, but I will hold it and I will build and build and build and build and get to the point where it comes out in my emotions. Not that because Samuel and I, we don't, we've just sort of had to think. We don't yell at each other, we don't call each other names. We don't we, we don't really argue in that regard.
But I would get to a point where it would come out in sort of all, I'll just get overwhelmed with emotion. And Samuel's the opposite in that he doesn't approach conflict well at all, but he just avoids. So while I'm sitting there bottling, he's just totally suppressing and avoiding. So when I when we would then talk about something and this is I think we want to be good students of each other early on through all these opportunities is that I learnt if I was to the point where my bottling.
Was to the Max and then I would come to him overwhelmed he would just walls up and not want to even go there. I wouldn't want to deal with the conflicts and would suppress suppress suppress so I had to learn early on to acknowledge my bottling humble myself remove my pride in them.
I would have to come to him and give him the grace in that time to I approached him with something, give him time to process it and to come back and I could easily have act up, I think and been like he's not responding. He's emotionally cut off from me. He's but by knowing him well and how he's wired, I was able to go OK, I need to hold space for him. We had. To have some conversations in the times when it was really, really casual to be able to
explain how we think. I think a big thing for us was when, because we used to, if there was something serious that we were trying to talk about a we did the dumb thing. We talked about it too late at night, but livid raised something. And then I would sit there in dead silence because the way that my brain works is I will sit there and I will run every scenario of everything that I can possibly say all at the same time.
And if my brain can't come up with a positive scenario that leads in the direction that I think it needs to go, then I'm incapacitated to say anything. So. Literally says nothing. Literally nothing so learning and spending some time together when we were just chatting normally and saying, hey, this is how it works and kind of chatting about it and going, well, how do we how do we deal with that if that's the reality of the way that my brain works?
And so we just kind of put something together where Liv just said, I'm I'm happy for you just to start talking. And I will give you the grace knowing that what comes out at the beginning most likely won't be what you're actually trying to say. And a lot of the times it's not and some and I have to really be in the right mind frame to be like whatever comes out of his mouth, I need to give him time to refine that and not take offence to it.
I cannot hold that and I cannot bring that back up because I know for him he needs time and space to work out exactly what he's thinking. And it's harder for him to do that internally if he just starts. It's much easier to say something and then say, actually, no, that's not what I mean. Let me think about it more. And the hard thing is though, not taking offence to that. And I had to learn to be like, OK, he does not mean what that sounds like. I need to allow him to refine that.
And I think a lot of communication in regards to conflict for us has been humbling and it's been me not framing things in a way that makes me believe a narrative that's not true of the situation. So I could very easily take offence straight away to what Samuel saying, talk myself down a path. This is what he means, this is what he's thinking, which would not be of benefit for either as individually or for our marriage
together. I think the only reason that kind of communication tactic works for us is because we actually have so much trust within our relationship. And the way Liv responds to me because sometimes the first thing that comes out of my mouth is dumb and not what I'm trying to say at all. And to be able to know that she loves me and she's always looking for the best. She's not looking to be offended, She's not looking to attack me. She's actually looking for the
best. So even when I say the dumbest thing and I'm sitting there going idiot, that was wrong and going, that's not what I'm trying to say. The fact that she actually gives me the grace because it would be so easy for her to hold on to that and use it against me. And if she did, that conversation would be dead. There'd be no way to redeem it. So. Damaging. But it's that like, we actually genuinely really love each other.
And we're actually trying to look at these kind of things as, hey, we're working this for the best for both of us. So she knows that if she gives me the grace to be able to communicate well, that it will be better for the both of us. And I know that even though it's super uncomfortable, if I start talking, we'll get to a better understanding of what's actually going on here. So it's a team game. Like if you're not on the same team, this kind of stuff is
really hard. Yeah, that's a huge part of our approach to the podcast and just our marriages, the curiosity and like and trying to figure out what's going on for your partner. And that I love what you guys, how you described it when you're you said being a student of your
kids or of your partner. I think that's so important because if you take things at face value and just assume everybody functions the same way, you're going to find so many misunderstandings and hurts and like mismatched everything's because we don't all function the same way.
And so we've, we often read Reddit stories on the podcast and so often it's like they just don't have the ability to think about what their partner, where they're coming from or what might be sitting behind it or why they might be acting that way. And sometimes it is really horrible behaviours. And so it's like, Yep, that's fair. But just having your brain like trained to think about what's going on for them is such a
tool. It's just such a helpful tool because it, it'll help you navigate anything that you come up against. So I love, I love that. I think that's a beautiful way of navigating it. A question that I love as well and I find it actually really, really helps with this kind of stuff. And I'll, I'll ask this question to a lot of people. Because anyone in the street who we start talking to.
It's super interesting, but asking them to describe what it feels like to think because if you can get an understanding of what someone sees their own thinking and thought processes like, it gives you so much of more of an understanding into how they operate. And it helps. You to look at moments and go, no, they're not actually being
rude. They're actually processing this or they're running through this and you get some wild like I still haven't got a single answer that's been the same out of anyone that I've spoken to. It's it's wild. And like when I described for Liv the first time what it felt like for me to think, I remember this look on her face of like, how do you? How do you exist? My brain must be like crickets for Samuel.
Like I have one voice and 1 clear thought and logic and order and process and he has like 8 voices at once with he explains like these things swirling around on the outside that he sometimes grabbed. And if one's in front of him then another one has to be pushed out of the way. Like his brain works so differently. So for example, if we talk about that late night conversation again, I sit there in my head with my single voice saying why isn't he answering me? Like how?
And he's. There, like I'm chatting to 30 people. I'm writing a song where I'm like wondering how you actually get the toaster to run at the right number so that actually comes out correct. My brain still 50 things at the same time. And so for us getting to understand that and going, OK, what actually works here, what do we need to do? It's great. It's a really fun question. I love it so. And that's allowed me to be a good shit and Samuel, but also for him to understand how I
work. So again, just knowing that he's wide that way doesn't excuse things. No, for like 1 of the biggest things, I whenever anyone asks what's the hardest thing in your marriage, I would say it's this really like silly mundane thing. But the one thing that Samuel always does is he leaves his wet towel on the carpet and I just I can't understand how 11 1/2 he's in.
He still just can't pick it up. But I know that he's not leaving that on the ground because he internally is like, she can pick this up and links there or thinks that I'm the one who looks after the household or I, but I know that he, his mental load is so, so high that for him, he doesn't even realise that it's on the ground. And there are times where depending on what's happening in life, I might look at that towel
and I might go, you know what? I'm actually going to go out and tell him that he's left it on the ground. Or I might go this time I'm just going to serve him and I'm just going to pick it back up and put it on the hooks. At the end of the day it's a towel on the ground and I can fix that in 2 seconds. But I'm not going to excuse the behaviour so that our time and I could come out and say you know, you've done it again, your towels on the ground.
Or I could come out and say hey Ram, like I just noticed the towels in The Walking road. Do you mind picking it up and hanging? And he'd be like, oh I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'll go and grab it and he'll go and get it straight away. So I'm not a doormat. I'm not, you know, he's slave and servant, but sometimes he does just need that prompting. And there are things like, that's one that just won't stick. He's like, you know, I'm not always prompting and always needing to be his mum in that
sense to get him to do things. There are things where he has changed and picked up and he does see things now that he didn't say earlier, but it's just the way that his brain works. And I could hold that against him or I can, yeah, actually just serve him in or prompt him to go and do it. And what I found is that 9 times out, well actually probably I could say 10 out of 10, is that when I do ask him to do something, he's more than happy and willing to do something straight away.
It's just that he hasn't seen it in the first place. And I can, I can imagine one of our listeners like hearing that and being like, well, you shouldn't have to say anything in the 1st place. Like that is not your role. But I think what's special about what you're sharing though, is there's times when we show up for each other, though. It's not that, you know, you shouldn't be, like you mentioned, you don't have to be his mother or anything else like
that. But for if I look at our, my name is relationship, you know, we'll do that for each other in different ways. We are. And what I love about what you're sharing is, you know, his mental load is so big. So this is the way that I can show up for him in this moment. And we do that for each other. And that's the teamwork of relationships. I think it's really, really important to to identify that as
well. It's not you being the mother, it's you supporting your your partner in a small way and frustrating way as well. Yeah, sometimes, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I would say one of the most romantic things that Samuel's ever done, which actually made me cry, which is ridiculous when I think about it, is because he knows that we had floorboards in our first house and they were forever. Just, I was felt like I was vacuuming all the time or sweeping all the time.
And he's just so busy with work that it was that I was home more. So because I was home more, I was doing a lot more of that housework because he was out quite a bit coming in late. And one night he rocked up with a robot vacuum because he knew that he physically couldn't do the work, but he could find a solution in how to help me. And I actually sat on our couch and cried over a robot. Like how? Particular, he loves his robot. I felt so seen in something so. That's awesome and.
So third in that, you know, and he got one that he could link from his phone. So there'd be some days right home. And then all of a sudden, I just hear the vacuum ground. I'm like, oh, Samuel thought of me. And he set the vacuum off from his phone. Like, yeah. You know, they're the moments I was, I was trying to capture before. So I don't know how clear or that came across, but I think that's, it is like, again, what, what, in what ways can we show up for our partner in small ways
or big ways? I think the, the what you just said then again is you feel seen, You know, I mean, I went through this love language period, right, where we're really trying to understand each other's love languages, but how like understand the other person more. And we went through this process of like gifts, rights of mine are gifts. And she would go out and try and get these gifts. I'm like, why are these not having the impacts that I, you know, I'm supposed to have from
doing this test? I'm meant to be gifts. And then she got me a mug one time and it was it was just a mug. It was a Star Wars mug. Look, before this mug, I wasn't massively into Star Wars. It was actually Mandalorian, right? And I started to really get into this show and the fact that she got me something. It was so much smaller than what she was getting me previously, but it was that moment of being
seen, right? Like so And that has so much more weight behind it than the extravagant sometimes. I mean, robot vacuum cleaner is pretty, pretty nifty. I'm not going. To lie the meaning for you is what that what that helps yeah and same with the mug the. Scene element is is really important.
Exactly. That's why understanding your partner and what makes them tick and what sits behind their behaviours and their needs and that kind of thing is so important because then you know how to address those things. And I think another thing that we really love to focus on in the podcast is wanting your partner to succeed. So it would be easy in what you guys have described, Liv, if you were like, I've said this so many times as Sam and I'm just,
I'm done, like I'm done. And I'm not going to keep telling you about this wet towel kind of thing. It'd be easy to do that. But we also, I think a lot of the time we miss this piece of like wanting them to succeed because we want our marriage to be stronger and we want to be closer together. And ideally, the goal is in 10 years time, we're working closer and closer together, not further
and further apart. And when we've got that mentality, I think it helps with those things and that grace that we give to our partner because we're on the same team and we want them to succeed and we want them to feel loved and we want them to learn and grow because all of us are learning and growing. So you can extend that grace in a better way, which is really beautiful. And it's the difference between a relationship that is caring about the other person versus a relationship that's
transactional. Yeah. So if Liv was being transactional with me and saying, well, I've done this for you, therefore you should be doing this for me, it would actually be negative for both of us. But I think the big thing within our relationship is that we make sure that our focus isn't on ourselves. And if I do this, what will I get? You have to kind of check your reasoning and check your purpose behind it and go, why am I doing
this? And if it's not for her benefit and it is deceptively for my benefit, then don't do it. Find something that is actually about her. Because as soon as you get into that space of I did this, therefore you should do this, all of a sudden, it just changes your perception around everything that you're doing. And it actually leads to more divisiveness within the relationship than actual strength together. And so it's one of those things that we've choosing to pick up
my towel. And because for me, it's something that as soon as I literally take that towel off my shoulders, it disappears. It's not in my world anymore because there's too much going on in my head. It's just gone. But if she chose to be transactional about it and go, well, I'm always picking up your towel, you need to do this for me and made it about herself.
It would be a really different conversation and her picking up that towel and me noticing when she picks up that towel and going all of a sudden, it would either be tied to guilt or shame or something like that. But at the moment, it's one of those things that I go, I wish I could remember that more, but how blessed am I that I have a wife that loves me so much that she does this without grumbling and without trying to make me feel horrible. What can I do to show my wife
love and value? It's it drives something in me that wants to see the good in her, but it's not an expectation on her behalf at all. She's doing it because she loves us and she's making a decision that moves us closer together. It's one of those things, so often we chat, like we chat with a few different people with different complex relationships
and stuff. And the thing that we've learned from chatting with people, and I guess we apply it to our own marriage a lot at the time, is you can actually only change what you can change. The thing that you can change is your own responses and your own attitudes to any given situation. And what that enables the other person to be able to do is astronomical. So when people are sitting in a position of going well, I'm not going to give my best until they give their best.
Well, you're putting yourself in a really tough situation. But if you go actually, I love my partner and I actually want what's best for this relationship. Therefore no matter what they're doing, I'm going to choose this. It actually enables them to be able to make better decisions themselves when choosing to love me and to see the best in me
even when I do dumb stuff. Enables me to be a better husband in our relationship so. Yeah, One of the things that we talk about a lot is sitting on the same side of the table. Yeah. We're not opposing each other in everything we do. And I can see it early on before we had kids. I can probably even see it more so now that we do have kids. And one of the easiest ways to probably show it is like if we, we always say to our kids, you
know, mum and dad are a team. If dad says something, I'm not going to say anything different. Or if mum says something or if our kids come and ask us something, we'll always ask them straight away. Have you spoken to mum or dad first just to hear and see if they haven't come into play each other because. That's how I got a puppy as a kid. Mum said no, so I went to dad and he was like, oh I don't see why.
Not they went to the pet shop. And we were, we were prepared not to get caught out by that one. Because I have your genetic. Yeah, exactly. You've had a lot. But even in front of the kids, if there's a discipline situation and Samuel says something or says to our kids, because this has happened, this is a consequence for it. And this is unfortunately what it's going to be. And in my head, even if I don't agree with that, I need to sit there quietly for that moment
and be on Dad's team. And and then away from the kids, I can either say to Samuel, you know, I actually think that was a bit too much or, or I don't know if you were aware that this was actually the precursor to why that happened. Yeah. And if something does need to change, Samuel will then come back to the kids in front of them and say, do you know what? I didn't have the full picture. I'm really sorry that that's what I said. We're actually going to change it for this.
So even being that united front, our children know now that there's no way that we're going. They're going to get one thing from dad different to what they get from mum. They know that we're working together, the same team. And even if it's not for parenting, but just in regards to our marriage, we're going to be for each other.
We're not against each other. Nothing that Samuel does if he says he's going to be home at 4:45 and it's 6:15 and I'm not going to think he's only trying to avoid dinner time and bards and because it's easier to be out of the house, that's a wrong framing for me. He's on my side. We're on the same team. Something's obviously happened. We just held him up for that little bit extra time.
I can attack him, Hey, where the heck are you in a message or I can send a message saying, hey, is everything OK? Like there's ways in which you can be on the same team in all situations. That I love that, that curiosity, that always assuming the best, the, you know, it allows us to approach even issues of conflicts in a more humble way rather than a way that's looking at ourselves being like, I'm offended by this and I need to know why it's happened. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Love that.
That's so good. And I, I just love the way that you guys are speaking about, you know, just for each other and you know, it's all about the assumptions, right? And I think we can get too easily offended by a lot of things like you mentioned before of like, you know, if he's, if he's half an hour late from, from work, I could picture myself like, I could see myself getting offended of like Amy
hasn't got home. And this is, you know, I'm taking this personally now, but I love that just reframing of your mind and, and Amy's really brought that curiosity into our relationship, you know, having that attitude of curiosity first. And that's been huge for us. Another thing that you guys mentioned is the saying sorry
part. You said it for like 2 seconds, but I think it's really, really important is being able to say sorry, you know, going back later, that reflection to your kids, but also to you to each other. Like actually upon reflection, I'm sorry. I, I realised I've either reacted this way or I haven't had the full picture or whatever else. I feel like sometimes where we can put our heels in too much of like, well, I can't go back now. I've said what I've said and
then I can't go back. I was like, no, you can and and we should a lot of the times as well. So that reflective part I think is really important and valuable. Especially in parenting I feel like that happens. Yeah, in parenting in front of your kids, like even not to your children, but to each other. Yeah, like to say sorry to each other in front of our children and then to go and say it to them and to own. Yeah, to be responsible for your own actions.
Like to say, do you know what? Mummy was really frustrated. Just saying I'm sorry I spoke to you so sharply. Please forgive me. That's what I want them to be able to say to each other, That when one snatches the toy off the other and 1 screams and gives her a little wallet back. You know what I I owe my my response. I was feeling frustrated by that. I responded in the wrong way. Can you please forgive me?
They're only going to do that. We can't expect that of a child if they've never seen that model. Exactly. Yeah, a lot of these things, I think when we became parents, they became even more. They're important to us before being parents and they're even more so important because of what it models to them and what it shows them and especially the intentionality and relationship.
I think that that like just knowing that our kids, we don't know what their lives are going to be like or what's going to unfold for them, but knowing that we have done our bit to show them what it looks like to be intentional and and have this curiosity mindset and have this sacrificial mindset in relationship is. Really encouraging because we know that that's what we can give them. Yeah, I love that idea of like your family ties or the lucky
family of origin. And Samuel and I are very blessed to have come from 2 very solid, loving families and both families that didn't yell or didn't raise voices, treated each other respectfully. We've had that modelled really well from both our families separately. So I think coming together in some ways it was easier for us to have this relationship. We are all for marriage. We love marriage. It's like being married to some of these the best thing, like I can't actually put words.
I just and we want this for other people, but having that understanding for ourselves through all that work we did early on, I think it's made us more aware of the type of household we want to model for our children as well.
And even something I hear Samuel say to our girls quite often, he says, you know, how do your friends speak about their brothers and sisters because they, you know, in the playground, there's all these things, you know, such and such as older sister came down and they're so annoying and they're this and they're that. And then and we say, you know, how do your friends talk about their family?
Because, you know, the way they talk about their family gives you a really good idea of how they're going to treat their family when they're older. They're starting to equip our kids with this. I guess it's like an emotional intelligence and intelligence and other people and how they're wide and what you can see as fruits in other people's lives is actually what's going to come out of them later.
Samuel spoke earlier on about, you know, when you squeeze something, what's going to come out when pressures on is what's inside it. You want to be able to be looking for these things. And we want to be modelling to our kids in our home, hopefully things that they're going to catch. You know you can't. You can tell. You can lecture your kids as much as you want, but what they're actually going to take with them is the things that they see and experience and
feel. Yeah, consistency just also increases trust. So. Like for me within our relationship, like one of the big things is that what live sees of me when it's just us is the exact same person that should exist everywhere else. Pretend to be something within our relationship and then go out And like a big thing that I really can't stand and it's a bit of a bug bear for me is guys that complain about their wives
or partners. And so for me, like, I just want Liv to always be 100% clear that the way that I speak to her about like with my friends is the exact same way that I would speak to her. And it's one of those things of like even for our kids, we want them to see a consistency of character in US in every single situation, whether it be chatting to new kids at a podcast event or doing youth ministry or hanging out with just them.
I want them to see us as us, not different versions of the same person, but consistency in character so that they have comfortability and trust in who they're dealing with and encourages them to actually get to know who they are and then be consistent with that. Because with a lot of young children, like, and as they get older and hit teens and that sort of thing, like identity and who you are is something that is
really complicated. And so for them actually getting the understanding of you do not need to be someone different in different circumstances. You actually just need to be who you are and the best version of who you are. And that will be fine in every situation. And so that's the kind of thing that we we lack consistency of character in our own relationship because it gives
confidence and stability. But at the same time, we want to display that to our kids so that as they get older, they know that it's completely OK to be consistent. You don't need to pretend to be one person with your friends and then pretend to be a different person at home and all those other things. You can actually be confident and comfortable in who you are and be consistent across all areas of your life. Yeah, that's so good. And we actually spoke just recently about attachment
styles. And one of the things with attachment styles that people navigate is it's the consistent relationship or interactions they had with their caregivers when they were children that usually sets that up. So it's not about like sometimes they're extremely affectionate and then other times they're really distant. It's actually what they saw consistently that was more impactful to them. So that's a really, that's a big
challenge. And I love that approach and I love the lesson that that gives for kids because you're right, it is so complex. Identity is so complex. And it's something we've been navigating with our kids, what everybody does. But like trying to think, how do we get ahead of this as they're younger now and they're not yet in high school where the pressures are 10 times more?
How do we get ahead of this in terms of really helping them understand who they are and what their worth is and what they can offer people and how to treat people? And I think this is a really good approach to that. That's a really, I love that framework. It's challenging. You've got to be intentional, don't you? It's actually, parenting is exhausting very much really is. You feel like a broken record. You've said things 10 times over. You, you know, but it's that consistency.
It's actually, we say to be clear is to be kind and setting the example, explaining to kids exactly what's going to happen and you feel like a broken record because you've said it five times over. But that's actually the kindest thing for them because they know what's coming. They know what they can expect. They know that if something goes wrong in our household, they don't need to be fearful about our response because they've consistently seen how we handle
and deal with things over time. They don't need to be worried about our emotions. And it's hard to, you know, take have the self control at times when you guys were there for kids, you're stressed. It's you just want them to get into bed. You just, it's really tiring. Yeah. But it's the kindest thing for them, isn't it? And then apologising when you get it wrong, as you inevitably. Do we do? And no way at all does Samuel and I have a a perfect marriage.
We are two people who make mistakes over and over and over again. But we're willing to be humble enough to come to each other and say I am actually really sorry for that. I'm going to own that behaviour and apologise for it. I know that we are. Well, we are long game parenting. Yeah, exactly parenting for the here and now. We are trying to instil and build character and encourage our kids to help them become who they are. They're also different, but the best versions of themselves.
Not for today and tomorrow to make it easier for that, they'll eat their food and go to bed and brush their teeth. But to know that when we're sending them out of our house one day that they are going to be people who know who they are, who love each other and who are willing to, I guess, even be willing to listen to instruction. That's one of the biggest things. And by being being clear and kind and consistent, they're more likely to to turn to you for advice or for anything.
Like that? Absolutely. Find people they trust. Yeah. Well, so you guys are, as we've heard a little bit in your intro here, in a really, really busy season and you've got 4 kids. How do you find yourselves finding time to connect and spend time as a married couple in that quality space? Because. You, you, you're talking a lot about intentionality and it's like, where do you find the time for that intentionality? For kids podcasts. Electrical Work. You know.
Physio work. Yeah, we've been living with my parents for 12 months because we've had a huge insurance job. At our. House, yeah, even that we're like, we don't even have like the individual family space that we normally have too. So what would you say that's huge? I think, I think I'm someone time for me is one of the most valuable things I think that there is. Time is something that if not used well, feels quite wasted. And so as busy as we are, I
really value moments and time. And so it's one of those things that in the busyness, choosing to redeem the moments that there are because we see it so often. So many people have such a different definition of what busy looks like, and that's completely fine. The reality of what busy is for them might be what different to what busy is for us. But even in the busiest of busy, you still have time and it's
about how you use that time. And so for us, we often will look forward and we will go, hey, we get got the kids into bed. Well done. It's still this time, whatever. Let's just be together and being intentional about that time and intentional about moments and looking for opportunities to create time together and create time as a family and just constantly checking in. And so it lives really good at that of going, Hey, I feel like we need an actual something together.
We're going to do this. And for me it's, it's hard because I'm like, I'm always on the run. I'm always doing something. If I'm not being productive, it hurts. So I think someone who is there watching me as well and going, hey, I think we need to do this. I think we need to do this is really, really helpful.
But it's it's about choosing what you do in the moments for us. I. Was gonna say Samuel is really, really good that he will never leave the house or leave me without coming and giving a kiss and a hug. He tells me he loves me. I don't even know how I couldn't probably count it so many times in the day, whether it's in a text message or a quick phone call or, you know, we'll be home and forever.
He'll just touch my arm. And he's such a physical touch person that for him, you know, if we do have a moment on the couch, me putting my hand on his foot is like, that's it just builds that form of connection. So he's really good that in every moment, every hello, every goodbye is super intentional. And that whole thing about feeling seen, I can see I'm prioritised even in the busyness.
So even in the flybys of a great thing that sort of, it's just sort of formed this year with extracurriculars and sports and things is that Samuel really owns the trainings, the games, that all that stuff for sport. One of our daughters really wanted to do piano and we did not have a night. So on a Tuesday morning we found a friend who was willing to give her a lesson before school. So Samuel leaves extra early to get her to piano, do that. He's sort of taken all that.
So we fly by each other quite quickly and time disappears very quickly. But even in all those moments, all those drop offs or, you know, he picks one kid up from me and takes him to training or I always feel very valued. Even in those seconds. He always comes to me, always ask me how I am or always give me some form of touch, a kiss, a hug, anything like that at all. So we even have that. I think that we don't live as like housemates. We still very much live valuing each other first.
And we do see that we we do put our marriage at the top. And then there are the kids priorities I. Was going to say priorities. This is such a big one because The thing is as busy as we are, we could be so much busier if we chose different things. And it's the reality of for me, it's all about value. Like what is the most valuable thing you've like? You've probably heard the big
rocks, little rocks thing. Get the important things in place first and then whatever you can squeeze in around it, great. But for me, family and my wife are always going to be the most important thing, so they get the priority. Even in my electrical business, if there's a wild day, that is ridiculous. But I need to be here for my family.
The big thing that I've learned is even people that kick and scream and treat you like rubbish because they think they're so important, they're still just people. And the reality is I actually really value my people, which is my wife and my family. And so I will make those choices. And it's that thing of you do what you love most. And so for me, what I love most is actually my family. So I'm always going to choose to do the family things first. And then whatever we do around
that is great. It's all extra stuff. And wherever we can kind of plug in and add some value to everything that we're doing is fantastic. But at the same time, I also have the confidence that Liv will say to me, hey, you're not giving enough time to our family if it ever gets to that point. And if she said it, that would be me going, cool, what are we dropping?
And it's that being of like, because it is the priority, she has full confidence to be able to tell me at any given time, we need to cut something and I'll be all for it.
And so it's just, I know that our marriage and our life is so much different to a lot of people, but it's actually what works for us. Because he's Samuel's always been this way and so consistent in that prioritisation that if there is a time where he is super busy or he can't come home because of the past, because of his track record, I know and I can fully trust that clearly this is something that really needed to happen so often. So willing.
If he does have space, he'll call me and say I can do pick up today or I can. And being your own boss, it's a bit, we're a bit more flexible with that. But running a company, it takes a lot of time. It's very fine balance, but I can trust in how he's proven himself. I thought to that over time that if he is busier for a season, it is for a good reason. And it's not because he's necessarily deprioritizing us, it's just that something is very clearly a high priority that
needs. Communicating the why behind. It as well, yeah. So if I can say, hey, the next couple of weeks are going to be really, really busy because of AB and C, I've declared why? And all of a sudden it's not just a, oh, you're not here or I'm seeing less of you. It gives reasoning behind it, which helps to see the best in those moments. But in that as well, going once it's all done, we should go away for a weekend.
We should take the kids to the zoo or something and can look for those special little events to kind of go, hey, it's going to be tricky for a bit. I'm really sorry, but let's do this at the end of it and kind of just because like I, I hate when I don't get to see my wife. Like a bit of a side note. I I've been a little bit unwell with a few bits and pieces and spent the night in hospital, not last night, the night before. And yeah, my, my heart wasn't playing friends, but it's all
part of the fun. But it was that moment of being separate even for that one night. I hate it. I really hate it. Like my desire is to be with my wife and my family. And so when I'm not with them, I'm wanting to be with them. There's never that moment of like, oh, I'm so glad to get away from them. And I think we've knows that, which actually adds to the fact of when I'm not there, she actually knows that my desire is actually to be there. I would love to be there if I could so.
No, I get that. We call it like so we do a bit of travel for for our work and and majority of our dads and we call it the dad guilt like we just being away is is very, very hard. And because you feel guilty, you know, it's like 1, I want to spend time with you, but two, I know now you, I'm sort of dumping stuff on you too, which is, which is hard, but just really admire you guys. I admire your intentionality, your way to communicate. What you're communicating about is just so clear and
encouraging. And so thank you so much for that. And I think, you know, like you said, 11 1/2 years, you guys have been married and you don't have the perfect marriage as you've mentioned, but you've definitely learnt a lot of things on the way. You've been so intentional along the way. And so, but you weren't always like that.
You definitely started somewhere, so if you could look at all the things that you've learned up until today, if you could go back in time, meet yourselves when you just got married or just started dating, what's the biggest advice you
would give each other? For me, I think the biggest thing that I would tell my younger self in my relationship with Liv is humility will actually lead to the best because the more that I can humble myself and pull myself out of the picture and what that naturally does is encourages me to put her first, it actually leads to a much stronger
relationship. I think early on, like we dated as 16 year olds and then broke up and then got back together later in life and then got married and we had to do a lot of growing up over it. And so if I was talking to 16 year old me about relationships when we were together, I would be saying this relationship isn't about you, it is about her and bringing out the best in her so that together you can have the best life. And that's the same thing. Like you learn it more and more and more.
The more you put your wife or your partner first, the easier your relationship becomes because you're seeking their good and enabling them to be able to be the best that they can be as well. And so it's one of those things I would just continuously tell myself, take your eyes off you and give your wife your very best continuously for no other reason than you love her and care for her.
One of your like family, your family mottos has very much been how are you going to be outwardly focused? They spoke about that all the time over and over and over. And I've seen that in Samuels life over and over and over. He's always I eyes up and out and not on himself and looking for others. I guess for me, I being so young when we got married, even though we were friends for a very long
time. So I felt like I knew Samuel so well before we even got married, which was a gift and I think
that's helped us a lot. I would just tell myself that my emotions can deceive me. My emotions actually don't tell me the true narrative and that things always feel better in the morning in that you sort of just need that space and that time and you need you need someone wise around you who's older than you, not you, not not a peer no, I could go to my girlfriends and I could it would turn into it could turn into a complaint fest, but we've made that call that we don't complain about
each other at all. We talk to each other, but having someone ahead of you who has walked what you've walked, even though it might look different, having someone who has knowledge and wisdom, who can speak truth into your emotion, who knows both of us doesn't just know me and will side with me, but someone who knows Samuel as well. That was so beneficial. And just to hold to those relationships, to walk your journey with people like it is,
it's hard. It's hard having two people with flaws coming together, trying to build something which is going to be long lasting and have positive impact on others. Yeah, you need support and you need people around you. Don't trust your own emotions. Have wise insight and wisdom from others. And just that long game, you're on the same team. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, guys, we could talk to you for hours because this has been such an incredible. Kind of actually did a mini
episode before. We first. Recorded. Sorry. Guys don't get to hear that and this has been so good having you on the podcast. And again, we're so honoured that you would take the time to chat with us, especially during the day. This is daytime hours. So this is parenting slash work hours. So really, really appreciate you setting aside this time and the wisdom that you've shared and the stories that you've shared. It's been incredible and encouraging.
And we wanted to just finish off as well and say if anyone wanted to get in contact with you, Sam, or follow along with what's going on in the silly story world, Yeah, what would they do? Where would they find you? Best place to start is on Instagram. If you look for silly stories for kids you'll be able to find everything from there. Which is, yeah, it's been a wild little journey. I'm not normally a social media person at all. I'm trying to learn it as I go and it is a complex base.
But it is at the. Same time. It's it's probably the best starting point. It's a fun time to get involved because I feel like we're, we feel very much like we're standing on the precipice of something and we don't know what it is. We've got a podcast that has grown over time. We're doing some music, we've written a few books and it's audiobook coming out as well. And it's at this moment of like, it's really exciting to see where it goes next.
So if you wanna join us along the journey, jump on Instagram, find silly stories for kids and you can witness what a bad Instagram looks like. Slowly gets a little bit better, but. Any podcast platform as well? You're on all of. It yeah, Spotify podcast all of it but at the same time if if you do have young kids and. They will love it. They will, but.
I also want to encourage parents to really use their own creativity with their kids because my brain is 1 type of creative and who they might be might be a different kind of creative that they're your kids. Like the reality is they've got some of your genetics. They'll be creative stuff in you
that they will resonate in with. So well, be encouraged and equipped just to do something and give it a go because it's really, really fun to connect with your own kids through that creativity and through those kinds of things. And the way that you are in your family is. So as much as the podcast is fun and I'd love to share it with anyone that wants to, I'd love for them to be sharing within their own family as well, so. Yeah, I love that. Thanks again, Sam and Liv for joining.
Thanks for having us.