16. Chit-Chat: How Love Languages Can Make or Break Your Relationship - podcast episode cover

16. Chit-Chat: How Love Languages Can Make or Break Your Relationship

Jun 09, 202435 minSeason 1Ep. 16
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Episode description

Do you know how your partner actually feels loved? The Five Love Languages could be the key to understanding why your efforts aren’t landing—or why your partner’s gestures don’t always feel meaningful to you.

In this episode of Honey, We Need to Chat, we break down:

🔹 What the Five Love Languages really mean (and why they shift over time)
🔹 Our personal results—why Blair struggled with his, and how Amy’s completely changed
🔹 Why mismatched love languages lead to frustration (and how to bridge the gap)
🔹 How to use love languages in everyday life—not just in romance, but with kids, friends, and family

We also dive into a listener-submitted dilemma about love languages in long-term relationships. If you've ever thought, "I do so much for them, but they don’t even notice!", this episode is for you.

🎧 Tune in now and start showing love in the way your partner actually feels it.


Timestamps:

0:00 - Welcome! + A hilarious podcast blooper we had to fix
6:10 - The 5 Love Languages: What they are and how they work
12:45 - Our test results: Why Blair felt greedy about his and Amy’s complete shift
20:30 - Listener dilemma: "I show love, but my partner doesn’t notice!"
27:15 - The biggest mistake couples make when using love languages
35:40 - How mismatched love languages create tension (and how to fix it)
42:10 - Do love languages apply to friendships & kids? (Spoiler: Yes!)
50:30 - The Love Tank theory: Why feeling unloved leads to conflict
1:02:20 - Actionable ways to show love that actually work
1:10:15 - Patreon Shoutout + How to submit your own relationship questions


Key Takeaways:

Love languages aren’t a box you stay in forever—they evolve based on what you’re receiving (or lacking).
Understanding your partner’s love language is only step one—the real magic is in applying it daily.
Mismatch frustration is common—but a simple check-in can help you adjust and reconnect.
Love languages go beyond romance—they impact friendships, kids, and even workplace dynamics.
Your love tank matters! A consistently empty love tank can lead to bigger conflicts down the road.


🔥 Next Steps:

📥 Free Resources to Go Deeper:

📄 Download our free guide: [⁠The Balanced Partnership Guide⁠]

❤️ Support us on Patreon: ⁠www.patreon.com/honeyweneedtochat⁠

📩 Submit a Story: [⁠Share Your Relationship Struggles⁠]

💬 Join the Conversation: Have a breakthrough moment from this episode? DM us, tag us, or share your thoughts!

🔗Listen now: Anywhere you find your podcasts!

📺Watch on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

🌍Join the community & share your story:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://honeyweneedtochat.com/⁠

Transcript

Honey. We need to chat. Hello. Well, I was halfway through you and hello, welcome to another chat. Another chit chat. On Honey, we need to chat. This is a bit of a different intro because we were just edited well, I was just editing next week's episode and realised that we made a Boo Boo and you can literally see it in the video. I'll make a real out of it

eventually. We just knock the mic out, my cord mic cord out as we moved things around, and then the rest of the video is recorded on Blair's laptops sound, so it's not great quality. But it's great. It's a great conversation. Experience. It's great experience. We'll learn and we'll become better from it, but we thought we don't want to lose the conversation because it is a really important conversation. We recognise that the sound quality is probably going to not. Be.

Great for everybody. So if it's something that just is too irritating to listen to, that's totally fair enough. But we wanted to hop on and do a little intro anyway in our normal setup with our normal sound to just ease you in, give it a little bit of normalcy and then just let you know. What's coming up? It's a great conversation. We talk all about love languages and we're gonna be diving into those over the next few weeks anyway, a bit further.

But please do stay tuned for the rest of the episode because it is worth it. But apologies ahead of time, we won't make that mistake again. To ease us into the episode, we thought we would do one chat jar question extra. So give me. What moment in our relationship do you think about when you need to feel happy? Ohi definitely, definitely the morning after our wedding. Hmm, like that specifically was amazing that morning. Like that moment when you wake up, you like, oh man, I've got

nothing. To organise I've got nowhere. To be I've got nothing to worry about because we had. We had a day. Or like a night, two nights in Saint Kilda and yeah, we had on that second day we had nothing to do and it was amazing, so. Tired. Yeah. And we're married. Nice. Yeah, yeah, that's what I think of. What do you think of? I think the the first days in the hospital after all of our kids, which Blair doesn't like in terms of the.

Discomfort and experience. So like first one was emergency caesarean, but all of them have been caesareans. It's not being comfortable for me. For me. That's from the grass. No, I just I. I could relive the 1st. Day of meeting our babies over and over and over. If that's all it meant to have more kids, I. Would have. That moment over and over, that's the best moments of my life. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, meeting our new little buddies. Yeah, and they keep waking up

tonight, so they're not. So good, but he's. Right now. Well, we hope you enjoy this episode you'll magically see. Blair's beard grow back. In a minute, so magic. But it is a really great conversation and an important conversation, so we hope you stick around. Check it out. Thanks guys. This week we have a really interesting topic, something that's been really impactful for us, which is the Five Love languages. The Five Love Languages was created by Doctor Gary Chapman.

He is, they say here he is the one who originated the love language concepts. And it's been a tool that's been incredibly helpful for us in understanding ourselves and understanding our partner, how we love, how we receive love. It's not something that is set in stone. It's not a box that you fall into. And then that's what it is. It's something that's actually changed for us over time too. So it's not a prescription, it's just a tool that's been really helpful for us.

So we wanted to share about it here because we think that lots of people can benefit from. Because we definitely. Have we've benefited huge Even just having it as a vague understanding of how someone might be working even outside of our marriage, I found at times where I'm like to think about a friend or workmate or even our kids as. Well, I was going to say, even trickling down to our kids now we're starting to have that focus. Exactly. And a lot of people have heard

of five love languages. It's not a new concept, but we thought we would just kind of dive into it a little bit because of how impactful it's been to us. Yeah, and this is not a sponsored episode by 5 Love Languages at all. Again, this is just something that we found helpful for that check in time and starting the conversation like we get a lot of people ride in. How do you start the conversation? It's like, well, you need to build that environment.

You need to build that into the culture of your relationship. I don't think you can just start a conversation because that's where I'm walls go up and everything. So this is we want to encourage you guys do this together day and night. Just gonna fivelovelanguages.com and do the free quiz or the paid one. This is we've got the extended, the full the full kitten caboodle here. There will be going through, but there will be going through this over a couple of episodes.

We won't go through it in all today, but we're going to break down the overall what we've got from it and so forth. Before we do, I'm gonna ask question. And I'm also I'm back to the doctor. The doctor is not going on. That OK, OK. Last time we did. Chat Jar turned into a big discussion that we didn't include on the episode. I'm not. Never know, it wasn't that big of a deal, but just something that was a bit unfillable, so hopefully that doesn't happen again today.

If we were to start a business together, what would it be and why? I think we should start a podcast. It's not really business because, well. It could be down the track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Well, our dream is that this, this podcast, is one of the things that we do in this area. So our dream is that one day we'll put together a retreat for couples to come and explore relationships and communication together.

That's a dream that we have. So that's the business that I'm going to do. I'm glad to do public speaking stuff. I'd love to do other things around this area, maybe books one day. Multiple. Multiple PPT. Yeah, exactly. If we were to answer this outside of honey, we need to chat. We actually talk about business stuff all the time together because we both kind of have just a bit of a, well, blinds really strategic and I tend to be creative, so we kind of just

naturally work this way. I think if we were to create a business outside of Honey, we need to chat. It would be something along the lines of communications and marketing, which I already have dabbled in. Blair would absolutely be my strategist. Yeah, taking care of the business side, which is what I'm kind of doing with the podcast as well and and where you're driving majority of the content and and what we discuss in because that's just your strength.

Think that's super quick and personal at all? Come on, Amy. Cause conversation needs to be controversial. Does need to be? If it's not controversial, is it even conversation? OK, what is one thing you wish you knew about each other before we started dating? An interesting question. We didn't know a lot about each other before we started dating, and I'm not sure there's much that we didn't know.

Any big like surprises that came up after dating that we hadn't at least vaguely touched on beforehand? Do you have anything? I think that the question would probably be better. What's something that we wish we knew about ourselves before we started? Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, I like. That and for me it would be, I think, I wish I had a better understanding of what my experiences were going to bring into the relationship, my anxieties.

I mean, I didn't know a bit of that, but but I didn't necessarily kind of understand how impactful that would be in how I react to you or how I react to scenarios. I wish I had a better understanding of that.

I, I think the thing that comes to my mind is the impact of the burnout that I had, you know, and it's not that I wish I knew I would have a burnout, but I wish I was more intentional about being prepared for mental health and just the awareness of mental health and everything became mentioned in other episodes. I just didn't get it when people struggle with mental health because I just hadn't had that

experience until my burnout. And now, and now it's been a, you know, for the last five years. I'm very intense lesson have been learning, but it's been kind of a shock like OHT what's happening, what's going on? Why why am I reacting this way? So it's yeah, I think just the awareness around just to start with and which is what we're going to do in this podcast and also what we're doing with our job. So. You could probably also add to that like the the cost of

pushing yourself too hard. I think a lot of people don't. Even for me, I feel the same. Not that I've necessarily burned out like you, but just the cost of pushing so hard. Yeah, I think that's you don't really learn that until after. Yeah, exactly. Hindsight, 2020. You know 2024. 2024 hindsight 2024, maybe 2024 should just be called hindsight for the whole world. Alright, thanks. Good Chacha. Alright, so we're going to dive into the five love languages.

So how actually works is going to the website, like I've said earlier, and you it takes you through a quiz and it's just you sort of slide to one or two and it gives you a bunch of different scenarios. Do you feel love like more this way or this way and that scenario? Next question this way or this way next question to keep going on until you finished and then it will come up with different results. So the five love languages are gifts giving. How do you receive gift giving?

Words of affirmation. Quality time, physical touch, Words of affirmation. Period. He said that you know you weren't giving. Quality time whereas papermation, physical touch, and acts of service. Access service, that's the one. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Online of affirmation. Words of affirmation. The one I don't like. Exactly. So it shows you and then it shows you through like, alright, so you're really high on this one and you really this is where

the other ones sit. This one, you're low on it. It gives an explanation through like, So what does that mean to you? And we're going to break that down a little bit today, just what it means for us and what we've learned from them this this. Assessment. Assessment and others have been really, really valuable to us as a couple, but also me as an individual for a lot of these questions.

I, so I went through this test twice and the first time I kind of just went through and answered the questions and I realised, oh, I don't know if that's accurate. Like the end result, I don't know if that's accurate. And so I went through and did it again and I really sat through and thought about the questions beforehand and I put myself into

scenarios. So like, so for example, there was a question with something like, you know what, how do you feel more loved if you wrote me a note or got me gift? And I don't really think about that. I'm like words about formation is my lowest by far. By the way, I'm just not a words guy. But I really had to think through how do I actually feel in the moment when Amy's done that? But also it's not even just is it a gift?

It's kind of what type of gift? And that's other questions that come into it as well, which is good too because it helps me. Then why not identify that for myself? But then through the conversation that we have when we unpack, it is now you know that about me. So I could say, look, my love language is gifts, which it is. When you go out and buy me a new car, well, that's gonna be

freaking awesome. Yeah. I mean, so cold, but but he's not gonna be really meeting be where I'm at. Like, what is it about the gift that's makes me feel loved? What is it about the words that makes you feel loved And so forth. And I thought being really, really powerful for me. And that's actually what happened because at the beginning of our relationship, I knew gifts were a thing. And for me, that's because gifts weren't a thing for me at that stage. So I was just like, OK, gifts,

but it's not just any. It's a gift that shows I've thought about you, yes, really impactful. So what we'll do now, let's just, we'll just share our results. Yeah, we won't dive too much into them, but maybe we can just explain how like what we, what those results mean to us, you know, So you stop us. Yeah, cool. So my top result, which has stayed fairly consistent, consistent through since I've known myself is words of affirmation that was 75%.

So in the most preferred zone by 2nd result is receiving gifts, which was really surprising to me because I think the first time we did this, that was the lowest. That's why when we got together I was like, Oh my gosh, gifts are just so outside of mine. Too, like I remember because Christmas was stress you out stressful because you like what do I get? Like what do I get?

And and again, this is the process of learning me for me, for myself too, because I, I didn't know how to articulate to you as well what sort of gifts I want, right. Yeah. So that was, that was really helpful, was packed and you started having more confidence in the guests that you get. Yeah. They honed that skill slammed. The third one is quality time. That's 50%. And that's not surprising as

well. That's always been at the top for me. Then Acts of Service is number 4 and that's one of the highest for Blair, or at least was, I don't know, it still is. And that again, was a mismatch for us. That specific one was like, Oh my gosh, I, I don't find that a loving gesture. I don't find it unloving. I just don't find it special. And he does. So how do I navigate that? And the lowest is physical touch at 25%. And I, I think that was up closer to the top when I first

did it too. So this result has been really interesting for me because it's shifted a lot since we first did it, except for a few. And something that we've learned along the way, which I'm assuming we'll probably dive into a bit later more, is your love languages. When you complete a quiz, it's probably going to look different depending on how much of something you're receiving. Your love. Tank your love tank. Yeah, I'll break inside in a minute.

Awesome. Yeah. So how full that is in that area and how not full that is. So physical touch. I have four children and a husband. You're always talked and I have, you know, been pregnant and breastfeeding for the last like six years, on and off, seven years, seven years. So I'm not in any way lacking in that. In fact, if anything, I'm just like please. Space. Give me space. Espacio Portable So yeah, that's why I think that's kind of

jumped down. Whereas gifts is not something other than Christmas is not something because I've never had it as a priority. It's not something that's been a priority in terms of communication with people's love and your love. So I think that's probably a a lower tank at this stage than the rest of them are. Take and and this is the cool thing too, is and this is where you have to do the quiz every time, but this is just the check in you right. So it's like, how is your love

tank at the moment? How are you doing in these areas? Because these change, right, because it's like I can focus. So my lowest, I'll just jump straight to that is words of affirmation. But what we've identified, if I didn't know affirmation, I don't feel loved, you know, so it's not saying like I never have to worry about that. It's actually like it's it's much faster to fill my my affirmation tank than my gifts tank, you know, made. So I'm the impact is different

as well. So we still have to be looking at that. How am I, you know, how my farming you? Am I ever touching you? You know, I mean, I guess your lowest, but if I never touch you, you wouldn't feel something else. If I remember he words from you about formation, it's going to feel off, right. So this is a thing. And even through these results, we unpack more because the results aren't 100% accurate, because I'll be like, actually, you know, I feel this is a little bit different.

All this is a little bit different. What this is doing is helping facilitate the conversation, making that really clear. OK so mine receiving gifts is the top one and this was a hard one for me. The first find out when we first did it hasn't changed because I'm like I just feel greedy and like selfish, right. I just want one things and it was really, really funny. My favourite gift that Amy has got me is literally this mug. It's a Mandalorian mug, coffee mug right now.

I am honest, I am not really a Star Wars fan. I know I wasn't really a Star Wars fan until the Mandalorian came out. I just really liked that show. I was just a big fan and that was my Star Wars journey won't be right, but even assuming that's a fair of the movies. But anyway, I mean, went out one day and she just came back with Mark. It wasn't my birthday, it wasn't Christmas or anything else like that. She had just gone out and got being this mug.

And for me, this is actually out of all the gifts that she's gotten me that are way more expensive than this, this is my most cherished present gift because it was so I'm getting emotional. It was, it was really thoughtful like, and it's just like she's gone out and she's thought of me and it's like it's nothing major. It's just the thought behind it. And that was the best thing. So the way that it is sort of explained is it's a token of her love for me. And so I drink out of this the

most. It's gotta chip in it and. I have to get rid of. I'm refusing to get rid of it because it's just a cup. But for me, it's I'm when I drink out of this, I think of you. And that's why this is so special to me. Maybe. Right up. Oh, and. Don't buy your spots, Amanda. So receiving gifts. So that's my top one. My next one is our quality time. So, and this was when I first

did my did the first quiz. This was actually my highest and it wasn't that I started was off, but I started thinking through and like, no, I just love doing stuff with you. So it was different. What how the way that I receive a gift is different to the way that I feel when we spend time together. I love spending time with you and there's actually no one that I want to spend time with more than I want to spend time with you. If we go on an adventure, I want you there.

If I'm doing something fun, I want you there. You know, one of the questions was, you know, I come up with the alternative, but it was something like, I bet you find interest in the things that I'm doing and like, yeah, that's, that's like that. I really, really enjoy that. But what I feel when you've got me like a mug is different to when we're just hanging out and we're doing stuff together. I just want you there all the time.

It's it's just like the love feeling is, is different, but it's still very, very high for me. The next one is Acts of Service. It's lower than quality time. I think quality time is up high. And now, because I think that's just something that we do, we do a lot of stuff together and I love that. But I was thinking about quality time because mine has dropped down. I think we do a lot of stuff together. So we're always, we work from home, both of us.

So we have always together, which is awesome. And I love that. And I don't know how we'd go for that change. I don't know how I'd go if that changed. But we don't get as much one-on-one quality time. So I reckon that's why equality times are higher for you at the moment because yes, we do spend time together all the time, but we don't get much time compared to like even two years ago, three years ago, we don't actually get much one-on-one time anymore.

Well, they're very close active service and quality is on the very close and I think the the reason is so it was up higher last time and I think the reason actually it's lower now is because just podcast. Yeah, I you know, so we're getting this is very, very quality time for me and the conversations that we've had outside of these podcasts are continuing on from these episodes is really quality. Our conversations are really quality.

The way that we discussed stuff, disagree workshop things together is, is very quality, but I think the reason why it's still up there is because it's very serious quality time and we're lacking then the fun, adventurous quality time. Yeah. So that's so, yeah. See active service and that's just been one. I just I, I love the way that you love your family, but I what you do, you know, that's something that even I know the kids appreciate that. They even say like, oh, mum,

thank you for making dinner. Like that sort of stuff is, is really, really cool physical touch for me. It's, it's actually quite close to words of affirmation. I think. Physical touch, yeah. Cause you know, obviously not as much as you, but having four kids and a dog, you always touched our baby at the moment is always wanting to be held and things. So I think we're just very touched in a nice way, but it's just like an. Empty.

Time empty and bit of information like we said, I'm just not a words guy, but if I don't get words, I'll struggle, you know, just won't feel loved. So yeah, so it's a love tank as well. It's talks about like, you know, we wanting to create a culture in our relationship where we can communicate right and we can work on these things. And when our tanks are empty, the communications are a lot

harder. So this is what's really cool is when we start off with a a test like this, like what we've done or other other quizzes whenever you want to do. And it helps facilitate the conversation when we can get a more of a gauge of like, how do you receive love? Like, you know, how do I best show you that I love you and how do I receive it too? Because we need to be able to have that conversation or we need, we need to be communicating to each other through it.

Love. It really helps bring those walls down. It gives you that conversation starting point. And from there, over time, we can learn to communicate better because it's not just about the conversation, it's about how you're feeling in that moment too. If you're not feeling loved and I come to you with a topic that's hard to talk about, your reaction is gonna be a lot more heartfelt and hurt.

Possibly because she's already still not feeling you, already feeling loved by me. So this is really important to help set that tone. Except that scene, you're learning more about each other, learning how to love each other. And the conversations are easier to have from that place. And there's another part too. It's sort of assesses how you're going. They call it your love skills, right? So they break it down into three

different categories. So how good you are with listening, showing empathy and being curious. So, your curiosity? Is in the large. Test this in large test and the deeper test. Yeah, to the full test. And these are like, especially curiosity is something that we continually try and encourage. Big curious, you know, don't just be like, oh, cool, good for you man. But like be curious about your partner, be curious about yourself.

I try and understand more and show empathy towards, you know, the struggles that we have and the differences that we have and so forth. And really listening through those things, which is really cool. We're going to break down into that. Again, this is more of an overview episode and something to encourage you guys to do together as a couple. One big thing is this quote, this is old proverb. It's old Hebrew proverb that says life and death is in the

power of the tongue. We can kill a relationship by the way we talk to each other or we can give our relationship life. And I would actually, yeah. So I can really hurt you by what I say, but I can actually make you feel very loved whether your love language is worth or not. But I would say with a lot of things too, is that what can kill a relationship is if you just don't feel loved.

So that's again, a very important thing about quizzes like these or very helpful things, is that if you don't feel love from me, the relationship's going to really, really suffer and struggle. Yeah, and I've heard this actually quite a few times where there's this kind of argument of like, I don't feel loved and then the other person's like, but I am loving you. Yeah. It's just a mismatch of it's just a mismatch of understanding

what that means. It's and can feel like such a an attack from either side and it can feel like you're being dismissed as well because you can say I don't feel loved, you know, person like I am loving. You. And then you're like, OK, well, you're not listening to. It and this is really that's actually really key because when we first did this, it was an eye opener for me because information. Yeah.

And you are yeah. I would always want get you stuff to show my love for you And but just wasn't like scratching your itch or anything like car. Oh yeah, you know, and it wasn't meaning where you need to be met. And that was such an eye opener for me because it was so it was actually so hard for me to do words of affirmation because it's my lowest. So it's not natural. I had to learn and we've worked over the years on what that would look like.

But even doing this again, I'd be really challenged. And I see I've seen you do this with the kids. You'll put little notes in the kids lunch boxes and stuff to say I love you. And it's been such a conviction to me. Like I stopped doing that for you. I remember I started when we first did this, putting notes on the mirror and stuff for you. I've randomly and I just haven't done that. And I'm like, oh man, that's, that's good.

I love checking you on this again, because I know that I want you to feel like that I adore you. And and not that I don't tell you, not that I don't do things for you, not that I, you know, any of those things, but I don't go out of my way for the area that hits you the most, you know, and that's been a big conviction for me. So I really want to work on that and get better at that and this is been great to review that and to check in on that.

And I think there's a couple just having a check in time where you can be like, because we've said as it, as it morphs and changes, it's not always just going to be linear. So having a check in time would be like, what would be the most loving thing for you? Doesn't have to be right now. It's not like you're saying, what can I say to you right now? This is going to make you feel loved.

And then that person has to come up with something and then that person says it. And it's like, well, I don't feel sincere, but just being like checking in so that you can kind of have a lens to look at the next little time, whatever time that might be in how to like show your love when you have those moments because everybody has those moments where you reflect. And yeah, I love my spouse and

it'll come out in some way. But I think having a more targeted way to address that, we really helpful on our subscriptions which we've decided to call our. Chatters, chatters. Thanks to feedback. These shadows. Guys, we're going to dig a little deeper into the extended version of this quiz. And it's really cool because it breaks down each one of the things. And one example being that there's like on receiving gifts, for example, it's not just

receiving gifts. This one has a chart and it shows you, is it practical or is it heartfelt? Is it extravagant or is it simple? And it shows you kind of where your results land on there. And that was really helpful for me. So I was like gifts, that's weird. But then when I saw my chart, it was like, oh, that makes sense.

We're going to dig a little deeper on the chatters episode there and just kind of go there a little check in as we kind of suggested to you guys with ourselves on how we're feeling this area. So if you're interested in that, hop on over to that and have a look. We've got. Extra become a shout. Out become a chat. Actually helps us out a lot to you guys and we really, really helps us, so we'd love be

supporting that area too. Wrapping up a little bit, one thing that had we had suggested to us, I think it was in our premarital counselling was to literally, and I know it sounds corny, but when it comes to strengthening your marriage, sometimes the corny simple things that same prescriptive are actually really helpful. So the suggestion was you write a list of things that you find really impactful that make you feel loved and you just put it on your fridge.

So you've got a list for both of you. And it's like, I love getting flowers. I do not like getting flowers, but if someone wants to, they could have it on there. Or I love when you bring me coffee in bed or I love when you surprise me with breakfast out or something like that. And you just have a list that you've thought of outside of the moment. You're not trying to say that your partner that they haven't

been doing these things. It's just a neutral moment where you're listing these things and you have it somewhere where you can see it regularly and you can as individuals check on it every now and then. You're like, oh, have I done any of these things recently? Maybe I can do that. So that's a good option that I think would be really helpful. Even for us, it might be helpful. We haven't done that yet, but I think it's a good suggestion.

And the other thing that we've alluded to a few times on the podcast is setting these kind of conversations can be hard. To. Just dive right into if it's not how you normally talking, if it's not kind of the culture you have within your relationship, it can be hard to find a time to get real deep about stuff like this or to even suggest doing

this stuff together. And so we've alluded to, and we're going to continue to do so because it's really helpful setting aside a time every week that you can check in so that you know that that check in time is there. It can be weekly, fortnightly if you need it to be, but just a time at home it's not. You don't have to go out and make it anything expensive or extravagant just to check in time that you set aside. Intentionally.

Intentionally. To spend time together, make it special in some way, make a, make a hot chocolate or have dessert together or something like that. Set the mood like you're home date nights that we've suggested and have a list of things that you check in on weekly.

So that instead of feeling this urgency throughout the week to bring something up because it's hurt you or to, to bring something up that you want to do as a relationship and just feeling uncomfortable about it because that's not how you normally talk. You know that there's this time every Monday night at 7:30 after the kids are in bed that we intentionally sit down and we literally ask each other, do you have anything you want to talk about?

It eases that stress a bit. And I feel like doing something like this. If this is a concept that you like, I would love to do this, but my partner would be weirded out if I suggested it. Don't feel like you have to start by being like, I think we need to get really deep, never deep, but we're just going to do this now. Instead, stop by suggesting that you have that time set aside so that you can communicate what you need to. They've got a time to communicate what they need to.

You're outside of all the emotions because it's not live. It's not something you have to respond to in the time. And you can start bringing things in like the love languages and other concepts, other helps resources that might help. You can start bringing those

into those nights as well. And if you've already got something in place like that where you've done the five love languages and you're just not feeling like you're meeting each other's needs in that area, having that check in points is really helpful. So that it's not just, oh, we've done the test. Now we know what we are going to leave it forever because that's who we are and we're in a box. Like that's not how we work as humans and it's not how

relationship works. So just having that kind of point where you feel able to do it without it being super uncomfortable. I think it's really. Helpful. Yeah, absolutely. That's my suggestion to you. Taking a Leave it. So this is languages. We will be digging into these into age 5 love language as we go in other episodes, but this

is just an overview. You share what it is and just encourage you to check it out or other quizzes and assessments against about being intentional and providing resources that help start a conversation or facilitate conversation. If you approach it with curiosity, I don't think it can harm open mind, curiosity and the intention to love each other better. I think it's a really helpful tool regardless of if it's mind blowing to you.

So to finish us off ChatGPT I have I have a different format today because I said to tragedy BT and I am suspicious so we need your feedback on this. I said chat to PT give us an outro that Genz and Jezza in Gen Z speak is what I. Said. And Zed speak and they gave me an untrue I don't believe it. So then I asked another one. I said make it more, Jen said. And to be honest it sounds like a boomer trying to talk on genset. Sorry, it's tragic. It's not.

Me, it's a boomer. Younger peoples, which we've had a bit of a boost in recently, younger people in those generations. Does this translate this? Yeah, so here we go. And that's the tea fan. If we've spilled all the dates in today's sash. So don't ghost us head up that subscribe button if you want to stay in the loop with bowl our real talks slide into our DMS and slide into our DMS with your stories cuz with the zed because we legit love hearing. From you.

Keep those combos going, keep it 100 and remember good vibes only catch you on the flip side. He sell. Sucks my friends. Yeah, well then I said to it, don't believe you, make it more genz slash Gen alpha, and this is what I came up with. And yo, that's the stitch and you know, that's the side squad. We've just dropped all the juicy deets and you gotta keep their survive alive. Smash that. Subscribe.

Just stay on this wild ride with us, slide into our DM's or hit us up with your own stories because your voice is key. It's got that in quotation marks. Keep it 100 in an emoji. Not the word 100, just an emoji. Roll with the good vibes and go. Don't be a stranger. Catch you later fam, Out. Out. Chat out. I don't believe Chachi PT on either of these that let us know, let us know. Thanks guys, Shut out.

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