Hollywood Is Dead so let’s discuss terrible recent movies and classic forgotten movies.
We watched Gas and now we're moving to the hood to open up a hilarious gas station. Just so we can have barely audible conversations over traffic and music. This movie would have been funny if it had just a single Wayan's brother in it. This movie...don't bother watching it. It turns you into a gas-hole.
This week we watched Lil' Pimp and now we want to become polite pimps which is what this movie was about. This web series turned straight to dvd movie sure taught us the rules of pimp-dom. The story of this movie is basically served by making a child turn his mother into a prostitute. We learned, we laughed, we loved all over again. Mostly we were bored for 30 minutes of only an 80 minute movie. Still, way better than Pony Trouble.
(Warning: do not watch this weeks movie. Just let us do it for you.) We watched Pony Trouble because Brent hates us. For the next 7-8 episodes we are each bringing in a random movie to watch. The group does not see the movie until we are about to watch it. Week 1, Brent was chosen and his movie was Pony Trouble. It was the single worst piece of shit any of us have ever seen. It can only get better from here...
In this impromptu episode of LIW, we decided to run down our top 10 comic book movies a la the way we did with our sports edition. We didn't just stick with super hero movies either as most of the great ones aren't strictly super heroes. Strangely nobody voted for Barb Wire or Daredevil. Weird.
We watched a special movie for our 25th episode outing...Killer Klowns From Outer Space. A movie that Phoenix grew up watching and it might explain some of his life problems. The rest of the group hated the movie as expected but we got some great arguments out of it. One of the arguments in this episodes was pie versus cake. This episode really turned into a The Incredible Negative Men! episode. When it comes down to it; this movie is silly fun and doesn't take itself seriously. It was basically...
We watched The Last Stand starring Governor McRib as a small town Arizona sheriff trying to stop the evil Cortez, played by Laker's power forward Pau Gasol, from crossing the border and now we want to hire Cortez's crew to fix our roads. His crew was equal amounts evil and efficient. A deadly mixture when it comes to crushing deadlines on road construction. This movie wasn't that bad so we trail off into weird areas but someone manage to come back to discussing this movie.
We watched LOL and now we desire a life in which we laugh more...out loud. Or a life that isn't 8th grade like these cast members seem to be permanently stuck in. This movie was about 12 minutes of plot stretched out over 97 minutes. Miley Cyrus was terrible. The plot was terrible. The characters were terrible. The movie overall somehow as just boring. Also, Mario gets mad at Brad and Joe because they didn't save his phone number yet. His feelings toward them were as shitty as this movie.
In this episode we decided to not watch a movie and instead focus on our ten favorite sports movies of all time. We chose some classics, some randoms and Phoenix's top 5 list is unheard of by the rest of the group. It's not his fault that Slap Shot is from the 70's. Either way, we deserved a break after the trio of The Hillz, Sky Captain and Meteor Man. Vacation well deserved.
In this episode we learned the true meaning of community via a meteor that rapes a man's chest. This movie was a best-of for LIW. It contained numerous rappers, out of place music and tons of blonde-haired gangsters.
We watched Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow and now we hate the future. This movie should have been amazing considering it's an awesome blend of 1940's and sci-fi but instead it's a boring train wreck. It would be like sleeping aboard the sinking Titanic.
We watched The Hillz and now we have fetishes for spelling errors and white gangsters. This movie was the more poorly edited, directed and written movie we've seen in a long time. By far the worst we've done on the show. This movie put April Fool's Day to shame. Alas, now we know that 90's gangster rap lied to us. Compton isn't the problem. The real ghetto is apparently the Hollywood Hills (Hillz).
Awesome twist in the middle of a terrible movie.
We didn't watch April Fool's Day. See what I did there? Anyway, it was the super unknown version from 2008 which came nowhere near touching the 80's classic. In this episode we learned a thing or two about roofie-ing women for sex and/or murder or as we here at the show call it: romance. Some women just want more than others and the integrity of their drinks pay the price. Terrible movie with terrible actors performing terrible dialogue written by apparently nobody.
I can't believe, today was a bad day. Because we watched Dangerous Ground.
Leprechaun 4: In Space is like mixing chocolate with peanut butter. In the sense that the hypothetical person here has a peanut allergy.
Major League: Back To The Minors. Was it about the major league or the minor league? To Phoenix's surprise it was both. To nobody's surprise, the movie was terrible. HARMONICA!
In this episode we find out what happens after you die. You're enslaved into a sheriffs position.
Shocker was almost a decent movie when it technically wrapped up about 45 minutes into it. Unfortunately it went supernatural after that and lost it all.
Look Who We Got: The Movie.
We watched Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters and now we know that witches are a good alternative to sleeping pills in the villain department.
Deep Blue Sea is two movies in one. One involves a shark attack aboard an underwater station. The other tale is a love story between LL Cool J and a parrot. Guess which story is more erotic?
Comedian Phoenix West, Mario Valencia and Bradley Barwick watch the worst movies so you don't have to. If you already did watch it...we make them better. You're welcome.
Vamps is a tale as old as time about a girl that is turned into a vampire in 1840 and nowadays is a janitor at a hospital. Yes, the movie really is as exciting as that sentence made it sound.
In this episode we explore exactly how little Bruce Willis cares about his movies nowadays.
Johnathan Carter is the tale of one man's journey beginning with being a selfish dick and ending with being a selfish dick on Mars.
Our favorite episode yet! Have you seen The Matrix? This is basically the first draft of it.
John Carpenter's classic sequel to Escape From New York: the appropriately titled Escape From L.A. continues the adventures of Snake Plissken. If you love the first movie you'll be sure feel an overwhelming wave of ambivalence toward this one.
Face/Off: the most ridiculous plot of all time pitched in the calmest manner ever.
